01x06 - ¡Chisme! ¡Chisme! Read All About It!

[bunniefuu]

1
[sirens wailing]

♪ ♪

[Ultra Violet sighs]

- [dog barks]
- [sighs]

Has it been three hours or three days?

Am I trapped in a time vortex?

This is surveillance.
Sometimes we fight the darkness,

and sometimes... we observe the darkness.

[deep voice]:
And sometimes we are the darkness.

Exactly.

This thief's already robbed five
jewelry stores without being spotted.

So now we watch and wait.

Got it. Makes sense.

So exciting.

[dog growls, pants]

♪ ♪

[clicking]

Stop that.

Stop that!

- [clanking]
- [zaps]

[both gasp]

That one's on me.

[siren wailing]

- What?!
- [dog barking]

How'd they get in there? No one passed by.

[door shuts]

I didn't even see him leave.

Maybe I'm not good at this.

- [intense music playing]
- [grunts]

- [zaps]
- I checked inside. They're gone.

Looks like they took everything.

Back door's smashed in.

The only way to this door
is from the street,

and we didn't see anyone out there.

What do we do now?

We keep surveilling.

They'll slip up, and when they do,

we'll be there with
the swift hand of justice.

Woo! Hand of justice! Up top!

♪ ♪

Yeah, totally read that wrong.

[theme music plays]

[grunts]

[camera clicks]

I don't understand
how an alarm was triggered

but no one saw the thief?

I know! It's impossible.

But until we figure it out,

we're trapped in that tiny van together.

I gotta find a hobby. Maybe origami.

[phone dings, chimes]

"Chisme! Chisme! Read all about it!

"Click the link to get
the latest hot gossip

at Dolores Huerta Middle School"?

[phones dinging, chiming]

Looks like everyone got the same text.

Wait, don't open it.
It could be a phishing scam.

And what if it isn't?

We can't be the only ones not in the loop.

"Buenos Dias, chicos!"

"A little birdie told me
that Marcus and Elena

exchanged a kiss
in the parking lot last Thursday."

"But not even the hybrid
they were hiding behind

could save them
from the global warming in their hearts."

"Tune in every day at 8 a.m.
for more juicy gossip."

"Tweet, tweet. El Pajarito."
Little birdie? Who is that?

Did you read it?

That's not just hot gossip, it's piping!

Call me tech support because
this server is overheating.

Honestly, it makes sense.

Marcus was in a really
good mood last week.

He ate all of his hot dog
and macaroni casserole

from the cafeteria.

I didn't even know that was possible.

Wait, shh! There they are.

♪ ♪

[giggling]

So, if this gossip blog is a thing...
who's next?

[phones dinging, chiming]

Emilio didn't invite Michael
to his birthday party?

Savage!

They've been friends since second grade!

[all gasp]

MAYA: I heard Emilio doesn't think
that Michael fits his vibe anymore.

I can't believe Ari lied
to us about writing that song

she performed at the talent show.

And when it was actually Izzy!
Who does that to their sister?

A younger sister.

[gasps] Drama alert. 12:00.

[group giggling]

- [phones dinging, chiming]
- [giggling, gasping]

[dings]

TIAGO: Hey, can you pass me the--

- Here, here, here.
- Come here.

- Gracias.
- Sí.

Sweetie, enough with all the chisme.
It's no good.

Don't worry, it's harmless.

Plus, it's, like, part of our culture.

No different than
abuela's chisme magazines.

You know, "Celebs!
They're also wildly insecure!"

It's not harmless.

You know how many calls
I've gotten from upset parents?

I'm just saying gossip only seems fun
until it's about you.

It's fine, Mom. It's not like Violet's
got any secrets to hide.

I'm 13! How many secrets could I have?

So, any big plans this week?

- No.
- Uh-uh.

- ¿Y tú, mi amor?
- Hm?

Excited to hang out with your work friends
for Teacher Tuesdays?

No, they canceled that
a couple of weeks ago.

I miss it, though.
We always found the best elote.

It was the highlight of my week.

- Oh.
- After all of you guys, of course, duh.

Good save, Mom.

♪ ♪

Okay! El Pajarito o'clock!

Let's see what the birdie has got for us.

"Good morning, my flock!

"Guess which group of chickadees

have been drooling over Dalan Coleman."

"That's right.
A love hexagon made up of--"

"Maya Miller-Martinez"

"Evita Acosta"

"Hannah Nguyen"

"And Violet Rodriguez"?

[Hannah cries]

Hannah!

[sighs] All right, we gotta figure out
who this blogger is.

I can't just sit back
and let them do this to us.

Whoa, Ultra Violet is on the case.

Yes, she is.

And that birdie's gonna regret the day

they pecked at my friends.

♪ ♪

Hey, you know, I was wondering--

You don't need to wash the mask.

It just stays clean. I don't know how.

Uh-huh...

anyway, I was wondering if I could borrow
that thing that cracks passwords?

You mean...

the, the password cr*cker?

Yes! That!

Someone at school has been
spreading gossip on this blog

and it's hurting my friends.

So I wanted to use it to get into
the school's surveillance system

and figure out who's behind it.

That's a lot of words for something
that's not going to happen.

We only use surveillance
when there's a crime,

and this blogger's not a criminal.

Yeah, maybe not in the eyes of the law,

but in the crying eyes of those victims.

The blogger deserves
some serious detention.

You can't guilt me with children's tears.
They mean nothing to me.

[sighs]

[dog growling]

- [stomach rumbles]
- Can we at least get some tacos?

Fine... but you stay here.

Keep watch.

And no pens.

That was my favorite lamp.

♪ ♪

[zaps]

Hey!

I forgot my wallet.

Here ya go.

Thanks.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Let's do this.

♪ ♪

[beeps]

We're in.

Sick! So, we know what the gossip is.

Now we just have to find out
where the tea was spilled

and who was around to drink it up.

Let's start with us.

[fast-forwarding]

Dalan Coleman is so cute!

HANNAH: He's a Pisces, so I'm thinking

our wedding colors are
gonna be aquamarine and gold.

So...

these eight are our suspects.

They were close enough
to hear this convo,

so any of them could be the blogger.

Now, we just have to find out
who was there for all of the gossip.

And whoever that is,
is El Pajarito. Genius!

I have my moments.

Okay, but one problem.
There's a lot of footage.

Hello, my name is Ultra Violet.

[zaps]

[fast-forwarding]

[laughs]

What is it?

I'll tell you later. Real juicy.

♪ ♪

[laughs] Sorry, sorry.

All done.

We gotta get home before I forget it all.

But first, you gotta see this.

Ha!

Uh!

[laughing]

[awkward humming]

[laughing]

Geez! How do you get your hips

to move separately from your torso?

[laughing]

Seriously though... we gotta move.

Okay, so these eight suspects

were around for our Dalan crush sesh.

But only five of them were around

when Ari admitted to lying
about writing that song.

Of those, only three could've experienced
the birthday betrayal.

And only Leah and Chloe

could've seen the parking lot peck.

After the next blog,
we'll review the footage,

and see which of them
could've known about it,

and that's our gossip blogger.

Come on, come on.
I wish I could speed up time.

[phones dinging, chiming]

"Guess which momma bird
got kicked out of the nest.

"That's right.

"Principal Rodriguez is gonna FOMO

"when she realizes she's been
booted from Teacher Tuesdays.

"Question is: How can she rule the school

when she's been dethroned
by her subjects?"

[tense music playing]

Did the bell ring or am I hearing things?

Hm? Enough of this chisme.

'Kay? Focus on stuff that matters.

Like school and... flossing.

Disease, it creeps in through the gums.

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

They're just jealous of you
'cause you're a boss babe.

[chuckles] Don't worry about me.

It was just... a shock.

- [bell rings]
- Okay, now.

Vete. Don't be t*rd.

♪ ♪

[zaps]

I don't get it.

How could Leah and Chloe
not have been on camera?

It didn't look like anybody was around

when the teachers were
talking about your mom.

Well, someone had to be!

A lot of good this
password cr*cker did us.

JUAN CARLOS:
Oh, I hope you like this place.

I hear they have the best elote.

The cheese comes from cows
they put to bed with lullabies.

Nice. Musical and ethical.

- Thanks for planning this, mi amor.
- Mm-hmm.

It's good to get my mind off
all the Teacher Tuesday madness.

- Yes.
- I can't believe they disinvited me.

I started that back when I was a teacher.

- Yeah.
- Forget it.

I am letting it go.

[Juan Carlos blows]

[indistinct chatter]

[gasps]

What? What happened?

The teachers.

Those snakes always follow the elote.

No, no!

- We should leave.
- Of course.

- Yeah, um, we can order to-go.
- Yeah.

No, no, no! No... This is our night.

- Yeah.
- Maybe we switch tables.

Sure, yeah, we can go further away.

No, no, no. Closer, so we can hear them.

- Oh, closer.
- You know what?

- I'm gonna go talk to them.
- Uh, Mom...

uh, why don't, why don't I go?

I-I mean, I was their favorite.

- Miss Frizzell cried when I graduated.
- Nope, nope, nope.

There's some things
your charm can't solve.

[sighs]

Watch this.

- Mom, okay--
- [Nina clears throat]

[indistinct chatter]

Hello, everyone.

What a surprise to see all you
teachers here... on a Tuesday.

It's... not what it looks like.
It's, uh...

Okay, it's exactly what it looks like.

You didn't have to go behind my back.

I thought we were friends.

Oh, we are. It's just we can't
gossip with you like we used to.

You're the boss.

What if I told you that
Jerry and I were dating?

[chuckles] No.

- What?!
- We're, we're not.

It-- But what if we were?

Well, I would have to report you.

Oh... Violet was right.

I am a boss babe.

I'm too important now.

- I, I didn't say that--
- No, no, no. I understand.

Enjoy the elote.

Oh, and don't forget
the staff meeting tomorrow.

At nine... not nine-ish,

Jerry, hm?

Mmm.

So, who's ready to order?

- Oh.
- [sighs of relief]

♪ ♪

I see.

Returning to the scene
of the crime, I see.

- You said "I see" twice.
- I did... and you're busted.

I see.

♪ ♪

- You stole from me.
- Technically, I borrowed.

And you invaded people's privacy.

How would you feel
if I went through your phone

and mocked your private moments?

Hey! Give my phone back!

Can't wait to laugh
at the inner workings of your life!

- [loud laughter]
- Hey! My phone!

You crossed the line.

Being a superhero is about
doing right, not doing wrong.

- I wasn't trying to do wrong.
- But you did.

Just because you didn't mean to
doesn't change that.

You're right... I'm sorry.

Good.

But you're still lucha grounded.

How's cleaning mats for a week?
Without your mask.

[scoffs] What?! No way!

Would you prefer toilets?

- Mats it is.
- Thought so.

Now, we got a thief to catch,
but what are we missing?

[dog barking]

There's that dog again, missing its chill.

Or maybe it's not missing anything.

Maybe it's barking at something

- we couldn't see.
- [typing]

What? Like, something invisible?

Oh. There!

Footprints.

We got a live one. Let's move!

- [intense music playing]
- [glass shatters]

You cover the side door,
I'll take the front.

[zaps]

You may be invisible,
but justice is blind.

So it doesn't matter.

Are they gone? Did we lose 'em?

- [punches]
- [grunts]

No, still here. [grunts]

[grunting]

Ooh!

[grunting]

Oh, don't worry. I'm fine.

Look out for any signs of movement.

How am I supposed to do that?
I can't see anyone!

Go!

- [zaps]
- Careful.

♪ ♪

[groans]

Look!

[zaps]

[grunts]

Found him.

♪ ♪

[zaps]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[short-circuiting]

Consider yourself bedazzled.

- Not bad... Not bad at all.
- [sirens wailing]

[tires screeching]

[sighs] I'll find a broom.

I'll get the dustpan.

[bell rings]

[sighs] This is t*rture.

[sighs]

I just wish there was
something else we could do.

Time for class, ladies!

Geez!

Where'd you even come from?

LUIS: Whether you see me or not,

I'm always around.

Now get to class.

[sighs]

Wait!

Whether we see him or not?

It's Luis! He's El Pajarito.

That's impossible.
He wasn't in every piece of footage.

Yeah, but just because we didn't see him

doesn't mean he wasn't there.

He is the hall monitor.

Exactly!

He could've been lurking where
the cameras couldn't see him.

So, to us... he was practically invisible.

How will you find out for sure?

I'm not gonna find out anything.

Ultra Violet, on the other hand...

♪ ♪

[zaps]

Ultra Violet? W-What are you doing here?

I think you know... El Pajarito.

So? It's a blog.

Why do you care about
middle-school drama anyway?

You're hurting people
a-and violating their privacy.

How? I'm just... having fun
and telling the truth.

It's only fun until it's about you.

So, either take down the blog,

or everyone will know that your hallway
salsa sessions are anything but spicy.

- W-Wait, h-how did you find out--
- It's all in the hips.

Fine... I'll stop.

I guess I'll save my journalism
for real celebrities.

- Sounds like a plan to me.
- [zaps]

[sighs]

So... how'd it go with Luis?

Did Ultra Violet serve up
a healthy dose of justice?

Let's just say

I don't think we're gonna
have any more problems

with El Pajarito.

[laughs]

Miss Frizzell, I'm Luis Leon.
I'm sure you've heard of me.

I'd like to join the newspaper staff.

I'll do whatever it takes.

Well, since there's
literally no requirements--

Great! I already have
an idea for my first story.

Who is...

Ultra Violet?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪