01x06 - The Final Hurdle

[bunniefuu]

[news bulletin music plays]

[woman] Good evening. It's 7:00 p.m.

You're listening to France Inter.

Thank you, Éric Andréï,

for joining us this morning.

What do you think of Stéphane Blé

as the next French president?

[Éric] Despite my friendship

with Stéphane,

no, I-I can't support him, I really can't.

But on the other hand,

Corinne Douanier, uh, is-is a woman,

and a woman who is, uh,

she is the better choice.

The better choice.

[reporters] Mr. Blé. Mr. Blé. Over here.

Do you know the location of Lamine Touré?

- [reporter 1] You know the man in a coma?

- [reporter 2] Think you could be elected?

[sighs] Listen, I don't know

what's going on with this, folks.

All I'm gonna say is, in a democracy,

there's a basic principle dubbed

as the presumption of innocence.

If that applies to all our ex-presidents,

it should apply to Lamine Touré,

a young man with a clean record,

no problems.

- So you do know him?

- [cameras clicking]

- No.

- [reporter 1] You just said you did.

All right, please step back.

No more questions. Please, move aside.

Quit talking about Lamine.

It's causing nothing but trouble.

You don't know him.

- It's a set-up by Andréï's team.

- Your hand.

[mumbles indistinctly]

- Hand in front. Don't touch your mouth.

- It's a set-up by Andréï.

I don't give a f*ck about that. Please!

[upbeat electronic music playing]

POLICE STATION

You can see on the man's face,

he's culpable, right?

But I don't have anything

on the guy, okay?

I won't arrest

one of the presidential contenders

because he's ugly.

Well, you see [sighs]

the laws are written badly.

Didn't you say you'd trace the phone,

the kid's

The request was submitted,

but it's dragging.

Ah, it's dragging. All right.

Yeah, dragging.

[chuckles, inhales deeply]

Tell me, aren't you waiting

on a construction permit

for your future house?

[sighs]

I believe I'm in charge of the file.

That's also dragging. I'm sorry, Pierrot.

I'm not happy with this,

but now it's force majeure.

All right, then. Fine.

[keyboard clacking]

There.

I sent it in.

You'll have a response in ten minutes.

And the permit is mine.

Listen, if you want,

I'll knock down the daycare for you.

You can build a pool and a solarium too.

Another question, maybe?

You.

What's your take on the prevalence

of other European laws

over our French laws?

Uh

[softly] Uh, hold on.

Is this the gifted class or what?

Yeah, it's-it's just the new generation.

Kindergarten was my pick.

[whispers] Marion is trying to reach you.

It sounds like it's really urgent.

Uh, listen, kids, I just need two minutes.

What? Why? What's

What's goin' on?

Stéphane?

[indistinct chatter]

Hello? What's the matter?

Stéphane, there's tons police.

Who called them?

We got snitched on for sure.

We're surrounded.

They're behind the house.

Oh, f*ck! Why did I have to listen to you?

You're wrong.

- This is insane. We'll surrender.

- [Stéphane] Okay.

- We'll surrender.

- [Stéphane] Don't move. I'm coming.

- [pounding on door]

- [woman] National police! Open up!

[sighs] Lamine, go hide in the bedroom.

Go on.

Marion just called me.

She's really panicking, okay?

The cops are there looking for Lamine.

This is useless, because no one's around.

Get it? Put it down.

Hold on. What do you mean?

Lamine, you know where he is?

- Is this another one of your hustles?

- No. No, no, no. It wasn't him.

I'm the one who sent them both

to get Lamine so they could hide out.

[William] Okay, Stéphane, you know what?

Think for a minute, please.

We can't go a hundred meters

without having 50 cameras on our a*s.

So, Lamine, if he wants to surrender,

he can do it in Normandy, in the Poitou.

I don't care. Just far away from you.

- Yes, but far away from me is with Marion.

- [sighs]

It was me who f*cked up here.

So, it's simple.

I'll get Lamine, we'll come back here,

he surrenders, end of story.

All right, find me an event in Normandy.

Something, anything.

Uh, lunch with a former

convicts association?

[chuckles] That's just fabulous.

Super idea for a man who just

walked out of the station. Genius.

Picnic at the mosque in Lisieux.

That'd look great, like multicultural.

- Perfect. Perfect.

- [groans] Oh, f*ck.

- [Yasmine] Yeah?

- That's even better. Amazing.

- A mosque, huh?

- Meaning what?

[William] In terms of unifying symbols,

it's not exactly great.

There are way more secular things.

Please don't look at me like that.

- Such as? More secular, like what?

- [William] Yes. Don't do narrow eyes.

- Let me tell you, I can do it too.

- [Yasmine] We'll do it together.

- Hey, let's act like politicians.

- [Yasmine] Fine. Give me ideas.

Cheese, for example.

Or, like, a thing with oysters.

- Mm-hmm. Mm.

- See? There. Or-Or maybe

- Sausages. That speaks to everyone.

- Ah, obviously. Yes indeed.

- Sausages. Pork is secular.

- [Stéphane] Are you two done?

- That's true.

- I got it! A festival for crêpes.

- In Condé-sur-Noireau.

- I'm on board.

I can't keep down crêpes.

[nearby indistinct chatter]

[door rattling]

[sigh] Do you have the key

to this door, ma'am?

Um, no. This is my friend's place.

Hmm.

[inhales deeply]

Well, take her down.

I swear on my mother, you touch her,

sh*t's about to go down here.

Yeah, for sure. sh*t's about to go down.

[smacks lips] I just meant the door.

Go on.

Whoa. What's that, huh?

Too close to the hinges. Just move.

What do they teach in the police academy?

Flat part of your shoulder,

level with the keyhole,

and then, sharp blow like this.

[grunting]

[coughs]

[clears throat] No, um [inhales]

No, man, just do it like, um,

like you normally do.

- Like normal, yeah. [clears throat]

- Go on.

[hip-hop music playing]

- [knocking]

- [Stéphane] Marion, it's me.

Well?

Everything's a mess. Lamine took off.

He freaked out, left his cell phone.

I'm pinned with all the cameras.

He's all out there alone,

and it's our fault,

because we didn't do what was needed.

- I'm just gutted.

- No, it's my fault.

- I'll handle it, I promise. Don't worry.

- Stop. I can't with you.

- Let's just We need her to come.

- sh*t. Aren't you sick of making promises?

It's endless.

You promised not to campaign.

You promised you wouldn't ruin our lives

We were supposed to arrive 30 minutes ago

at the festival of crêpes.

- What's this now? A festival for crêpes?

- I just needed an excuse to come out here.

- It's nothing.

- Right. The campaign continues.

Obviously, it's only me that cares.

Nobody else seems to.

Well, except for Lamine,

because he'll be needing a pardon.

You can eat crêpes now?

No, man, I can't.

- I can't eat them. I'll get the runs.

- [Marion sighs]

Oh.

Maybe it's because of the lactose,

or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, it's the lactose.

I'm the same way, uh

[smacks lips]

Stopped eating dairy entirely, yeah.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah, now I've switched to soy

No, hang on. You guys are Lamine!

La-mine!

- He must be at the train station.

- Where are you going?

- What?

- Please, don't act like that.

We'll go to the crêpe festival,

and while we're there,

William and Mo will go

to the train station to look.

They'll come back together,

and when we're all there,

I'll take him to the police

- [William] No, but

- Non-negotiable.

Okay.

- [accordion music playing]

- [man 1] Here you go.

- [man 2] Thank you, sir.

- [indistinct chatter]

[woman] Great dry cider this morning.

Everything has to be gone by tonight.

All right then. Let's begin.

Anyone? Anyone?

Thank you. Please, enjoy.

- [man 3] Richard, we need some batter.

- It's good.

Oh, well, it's homemade.

Yeah, it's all homemade.

- [man 2] It's great!

- [indistinct chatter]

And, tell me, Madam Mayor,

the name of the village,

Condé-sur-Noireau,

is it in any way connected to Condé Nast?

No, no, not at all.

No, it's-it's two rivers,

the Druance and the Noireau.

- They really named the village.

- I see.

Tell me, do you like crêpes savory

or sweet?

Honestly, neither of them.

No, I love both kinds equally.

- Ah.

- Yes.

Well, you won't have to choose.

We're gonna try them all.

Get me a Camembert

and sausage for Mr. Blé.

You'll start with that one.

The grease completely coats the stomach.

Then you can eat all the food you want.

Trust me on this.

[cameras clicking]

Could I just get one with sugar? No?

Oh, no. Such a shame. Try it.

- [man 4] For you, sir.

- This one's a specialty of our village.

You'll see. It's delicious.

[upbeat piano music playing]

Go.

[cameras clicking]

Oh, sh*t, that smells.

Well, yes, our Camembert smells great.

That's normal.

It looks great, yeah.

I can adapt, just like the French.

- [mayor] Ah

- [Marion] Mm!

- I can tell he's loving it. [laughs]

- Yes, isn't he?

[mayor] Well, isn't that nice?

- [heaves]

- [mayor] I can tell he's enjoying it.

The taste buds just buh, buh, buh.

- [mouth full] This is just excellent.

- [mayor chuckles] Of course. He's happy.

I think so.

[cameras clicking]

Lamine.

Listen, he peaced out.

Let's get out of here. Come on.

[sighs]

- Lamine!

- Oh, what the f*ck?

Quit yelling like that.

Let's go. It's useless. Quit looking.

- [whispers] Hey, hey, hey. William.

- [William] Oh, Lamine.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Come back.

Stéphane will go to the cops with you

No, no, no. If he does that,

he'll never get elected, man. No way.

- He asked us to take you back. We'll

- [mutters] Ah, sh*t. The cops are here.

- Yeah, yeah. Relax, relax.

- Just give me some money, some cash.

We're just talking like normal.

Relax. We're talking. Smile, smile.

- I'll give you 20 euro.

- [Lamine] Okay.

Give me the change

and a receipt back, all right? Please.

Okay, listen, hey.

He said to take you back, let's go back.

No. We can't do that. We can't do that!

[overlapping arguing]

- [cop] Gentlemen. Hello, gentlemen.

- [William] Quit it now.

- Hello.

- [cop] You all right?

[William] We're fine.

[chuckles] I'm sorry. Excuse me.

But you specifically asked me

if I was all right.

- Yes.

- And why not those two?

Wow! I hope this isn't what I think it is.

No, because I can see

you're being kind to me,

it's all fine, sir, because you are.

But me being light-complected,

and these two are

No, this is insane. I think this is

- Excuse me, but I'm disgusted, revolted.

- [Mo] No, no, no.

- Drop it.

- [William] No!

There are several shades of black.

- There are 50 shades.

- [cop] Sir Sir

- You filthy r*cist!

- No, no. Calm down, please, sir.

- I'm perfectly calm.

- I didn't perceive these two as Black.

Wow! Oh, that's-that's

that's an argument I don't believe.

You can't tell he's Black?

He's the blackest guy in France.

- William [clears throat]

- Who are you kidding? You filthy r*cist!

- Excuse me? No, wait.

- r*cist! You're disgusting. I'm disgusted.

My brother's wife's from the Congo.

Ah, all right.

What's the preferred meal

of the Congolese?

- [sniffs]

- It's pondu.

Oh, he got you. He's right.

- I'm right or what?

- It's pondu. Yeah, pondu!

- [laughs] He's right.

- Good day, gentlemen.

- Have a good day.

- They have it with beans or

- [cop] With beans.

- Yeah, they do. Yeah!

[speaking in Lingala]

[laughs]

[in English] I don't think

it's a great idea.

We're bringing you with us.

- Hey, hey. Calm down, Mo.

- Hey, man. First of all

First of all, it's not Mo. It's Maurice.

- I'm not your pal. Let's go.

- [Lamine] Mo, he's gonna lose.

Hey, we'd be great friends, Mo.

Mo. Mo-Mo. Mo!

- [man laughs] But, yes, we nailed it!

- [woman] He's happy?

- [door opens]

- [man] Yes, he's had

- [Jérôme] All right.

- [door closes]

That was Jean-Luc on the phone.

The boy's still missing.

Well, I'm sure they didn't find the kid.

I know he's hiding the little b*stard.

He's trying to help him escape.

Here's what you do.

You'll block all access to the city.

You'll put a cop on every street corner.

- Do you hear that?

- What?

We're in the middle of eight trials

with the leaks.

Getting through this

will be a miracle. You

Jérôme, now, if your ba*ls

aren't big enough to do what I say,

I'll cross the street

and I'll find another aide

with some seriously huge ba*ls.

Okay? Now go!

I'll be across the street with a client

who's mind isn't going.

You start a w*r when you want to,

you end it when you're able to.

[sighs deeply]

- Machiavelli?

- Mitterrand.

Hmm.

We will get Blé.

- Hmm.

- I promise you.

- [chuckles]

- But not today, Éric.

[inhales] All right.

[ambient music playing]

Don't talk till your lawyer arrives, okay?

I'll get you one right away.

It's fine. Don't worry.

[Marion] You did nothing wrong.

- All right, then. Let's go.

- No, I'll go alone.

- You head to HQ.

- No way. Come on, let's go.

Think, Stéph.

What difference will it make?

- I mean, I'm not sure. I'll explain that

- No, you're not gonna explain all this.

If you wanna help me,

then win this election, that's all.

[sniffs]

Imagine Marion and you in the Élysée.

It would be dope.

- Stéphane

- [Stéphane] Hmm?

Save me a kitchen job in the Élysée

when I get out.

Promise. Promise.

[sniffs] Thank you, Marion.

[Stéphane sighs]

I'll head to HQ. See you at home later?

No.

I won't be home later.

He trusted you, he wanted to help you,

and you left him in a pile of sh*t

for an election.

You-You aren't capable of handling

a young man who's just been misguided

and you wanna manage the people of France?

- No, but, hang on. I truly

- No, there's no "hang on," Stéphane.

I don't recognize you.

I don't know you. You've changed.

[Stéphane murmurs]

You said you wouldn't,

but you have changed.

[sighs]

Look, I fell in love with a local monitor

not this politician.

["Rat des villes" by Abou Tall playing]

Hey, some politicians are great people,

you know.

You need to stop stigmatizing everyone.

[music continues]

MAKING MEALS FOR A STEAL

POLICE STATION

[Stéphane] Thirty minutes ago,

Lamine Touré turned himself in

to the police.

I hope he'll be allowed

to tell his version of the facts,

that he will be heard,

and that he'll be treated well.

The reason he was afraid to surrender

is that he no longer trusts us adults,

any of us.

We made too many promises

and kept too few, me most of all.

I promised him my help and protection,

and I let him down.

We all let him down.

Lamine Touré surrendered

because he's a good kid.

I hope that justice will do its duty

and it'll prove that he was right

to trust in it.

Do you think you still have a chance

at election, Mr. Blé?

I'm not that sure right now.

I had a few things to say,

and I just hope that they were heard.

What I can tell the French people

is to vote for Blé or Douanier

but vote.

But still, uh, vote Blé.

He'll win it.

There. More questions?

[cameras clicking]

FRANCE FOR ALL

MAKING MEALS FOR A STEAL

[poignant music playing]

Marion, are you there?

[soft piano music playing]

[music continues]

[sighs deeply]

[sighs]

[music continues]

- [lock clacks]

- [keys jangle]

[music crescendoes]

- [music fading out]

- [door opens]

You haven't even dressed. Why?

You need to vote now.

All right, come on. Get ready.

[sighs] Mom, it's useless.

It's all over, Mom. I'm gonna lose.

I was born in 1956 in Nayou,

Republic of the Ivory Coast.

At the time,

the Ivory Coast was still French.

So, I was always French, my son.

Yes, French. I always told you that.

When I came to live in Paris in 1977,

I thought it was logical.

It was a bit like Breton

going to the capital.

And a few years later, you were born here.

You were also born French.

Whether you're the president or not,

you've won already.

You trusted yourself.

You spoke loud and clear.

Everywhere in France,

people listened to you.

You changed things for us.

That is a success.

I am proud of you, my son. [chuckles]

- Thank you, Mom.

- [chuckles]

Where's Marion? Has she left to vote?

She split. [sighs]

Left me, yeah.

[Jeanette] Let me admit something

to you both.

I never really approved of that one.

- Anyway, they're all bad, the Malians.

- She's Senegalese.

Well, it's the same, you know.

They're all bad news. They are.

And when they get pregnant,

you see their true colors.

[sighs] She's not pregnant.

We never did the IVF.

I always mess things up, Mom.

Hmm. Have faith in the Eternal.

Trust that His grandeur will manifest

in the ballots today.

- [gasps] Amen!

- Amen!

I'm convinced you invent these

day after day, don't you?

[chuckles] Gifts from Heaven.

I'm just the messenger.

- [chuckles softly]

- Let's go. Let's go, my son.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[man] Today, 46 million French people

were called to vote at the ballot boxes.

And tonight, one thing is for sure.

France will have chosen a president

unlike any the country has ever known.

[upbeat electronic music playing]

ANYTHING BUT A FREEMASON

[exhales softly]

[sniffs]

Well, yeah [chuckles]

All the same.

[telephones ringing]

Did you see? Fifty-one against 49

in Belgium for Corinne.

[groans] Same in Sweden.

Fifty-eight against 42. It's even worse.

Oh, Yas, can you please

write an address for Stéphane?

Something clean like,

"I respect the French people's choice.

Well done, Corinne."

[Yasmine clears throat]

I've been watching the news,

so don't bother explaining.

I already saw.

The leaks, that was me.

- What?

- Yeah.

With my collective,

we hacked all their emails and spread 'em.

- You did that for me?

- I didn't do it for you.

We worked on the project for a year,

to bust up the elections,

and that's what we did.

And I discovered this.

Your so-called "reliable guy"

well, he fooled us all.

[somber music playing]

[William] Hey, Stéphane.

Is there an issue, apart from defeat?

- You didn't believe in this.

- What's that?

Don't take me for a moron.

You worked against me since the beginning.

I Wow. [sighs]

So I was expecting anything else.

Are you crazy or what?

Are you serious right now?

No, that's crazy.

Hey, you need to ignore the media,

the buzz, all that bull.

It's likely that Russian leak.

They've been after us

Please, respect me this one time. f*ck!

[William sighs]

You used me.

Okay, I-I didn't believe in it,

but just at the beginning.

After that, I really did.

But I needed to get back in the game.

I needed to find a port of entry.

It was amazing!

We'll make it now. I can just feel it.

We've-We've accumulated enough experience

to go all the way in five years.

We have a project, that I promise.

You're a f*cking liar. Just get out.

Stéphane

Get out!

Stéphane, look

All right, Stéphane.

Stéphane, please, don't do this.

You Not cool.

Not cool. Not cool at all.

There are a few minutes remaining

in which to vote,

and we are not allowed

to relay any rumors,

but after having stopped in

on the campaign HQs,

we have a clear idea of the final results.

[all] Yes! Oh, yes!

[reporter] At Corinne Douanier's HQ,

victory appears certain.

[booing]

- [crowd on TV] Oh, yes! Against all odds!

- [Corinne] Thank you, thank you.

[reporter] A stark change

at Stéphane Blé's HQ.

[cameras clicking]

Hey, cut the sound. Cut the sound, please.

Well, it's a loss. It's what we knew.

But I still wanted to thank each of you.

Because we ran a campaign

that rocked and fought.

We talked about topics

that no one else would.

So I wanted, first of all,

to say thank you to everyone.

I'd even like to further specify

that the reason we lost

is strictly because of me.

And, uh

I hope that we created a movement

- [Claude chuckles]

- I hope that we

[smooches]

that we got folks, uh,

interested in politics.

- [smooches]

- Hey, are you two serious?

Go on, go on. You say it. [chuckles]

See, your father and I have decided

to give things a second chance.

[all cheering, clapping]

[Stéphane] Hey. Whoa.

Why are you cheering?

- Whoa, whoa.

- [clapping fades]

[laughs] It's the pheromones.

[all chuckle]

- Can't control it, my son.

- [Mo] Yeah, you said it, uncle! [chuckles]

It is now 7:59 p.m.

Five, four, three,

two, one.

[upbeat music playing]

- There. It's eight o'clock.

- [both gasp]

[newscaster] And it's

Stéphane Blé who won the election

- [downcast murmurs]

- with 51.8 percent of votes

against 48.2 percent for Corinne Douanier.

This is much more than a surprise.

- This is very much a political earthquake.

- It's another man.

- Hey, Corinne, don't assume they're a man.

- No, no. I'm sorry.

[newscaster] I repeat, Stéphane Blé

is now the president of France

[exhales]

[newscaster] with 51.8 percent

of the votes.

- [Simone] Sweet Jesus! Thank you, Lord!

- [Mo] The sound, turn it on!

It would appear

that the French people lied

at the exit polls,

and that inside the voting booths,

they prefer to vote for a man

who's incompetent rather than a woman.

[inhales deeply]

It's disappointing.

- [cheering erupts]

- [celebratory music playing]

You're president, my guy!

We did it! We did it, Stéphane!

- [all laughing, cheering]

- [Claude] Yeah!

We won! We won!

[ululating]

ELECTIONS - UNEXPECTED VICTORY

BY CANDIDATE STÉPHANE BLÉ.

HIS HQ IS CELEBRATING.

[shouting, whooping]

- [cameras clicking]

- Oh, yes! That's my boy! That's my son!

- [Mo] Yeah! Yeah!

- [cheering continues]

["Aux armes et caetera"

by Serge Gainsbourg playing]

[music drowns out background]

FRANCE FOR ALL

The French have chosen me

as their president.

- [Simone] Amen!

- [crowd cheering]

All right, just the ones

who were registered to vote, in reality.

- [chuckling]

- Wait. You're right.

Just the ones who voted.

"The French" is too much.

- But it's still many people who voted.

- [crowd cheering]

I'll act as president for all the French.

No one will be overlooked,

not in the cities

or in the commonwealth or the suburbs.

I'll act as president for Blacks

for whites, for Chinese

- [crowd jeers]

- Sorry. Asians.

[William] Don't start screwing up

from the get-go, Stéphane!

I'll act as president for Bobos,

for th*gs,

for all women, in hijabs or not,

redheads, dwarfs

[cop 1] Now I've seen it all.

A Black president.

- [cop 2] You'd have preferred the chick?

- Stéphane?

Stéphane?

[chuckling]

[Stéphane] I'll be a free president,

a president who never gives up.

And I will implement my key measure,

"Making meals for a steal."

- [Simone] Amen, my son!

- [Stéphane] Long live France.

Long live the Republic.

With a few caveats, though.

Salaam. Shalom. See you.

And also, as the Hindus say

Hmm. I don't know what the Hindus say.

But I'm with them.

All together, one team.

Right. Right.

[crowd cheering]

[music resumes, drowns out background]

IN MEMORY OF BAFFY TIEKOURA KONARÉ

[upbeat electronic music playing]

♪ Maneuver, sliding through the mess ♪

♪ Screamin' "One day, I'll be president" ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Maneuver, sliding through the mess ♪

♪ Screamin' "One day, I'll be president" ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Maneuver, sliding through the mess ♪

♪ Screaming "One day, I'll be president" ♪

♪ Maneuver, sliding through the mess ♪

♪ Screaming "One day, I'll be president" ♪

♪ Screaming "One day" ♪

♪ "One day" ♪

♪ Screaming "One day" ♪

♪ "I'll be president" ♪

♪ Maneuver, sliding through the mess ♪

♪ Screaming "One day, I'll be president" ♪

♪ Screaming "One day, I'll be president" ♪

[music fading out]