01x08 - The Best Desk Scenario

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It shoulda been
somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

- Oh, boy, look at this one.

45 years old, playing
tennis on a Sunday morning

with his friends, bites it
on a baseline coronary.

Boy, they're just
dropping like flies.

Look at all these names.

Every race, creed,
color, and persuasion,

doesn't matter.

- Sorry, I'm late.

- Well, this ain't
exactly poolside

at the Bel Air Hotel, Ralph.

I'm out here doing
the Maxwell sizzle,

you could try to be punctual.

Now, where's the counselor?

We need her on this one.

- Yeah, she
couldn't make it, Bill.

Uh, her boss
invited her to lunch.

As a matter of fact, I don't
have much time myself.

I have to be in
Principal Kane's office

in about an hour.

- I don't want to
hear that, Corporal.

I'm losing a whole
day here myself,

the least you could do
is play hooky with me.

We've gotta get you some
practice time in the suit, Ralph.

The stuff you have
learned is getting rusty,

doesn't work half the time.

- Oh, boy.

- You're still
banging into walls,

the whole operation's pitiful.

- What are you looking for?

- The sandwiches, Ralph,
the Cokes, I don't see 'em.

- That's because
they're not there.

Pam made 'em, but I just uh...

Well, I didn't have a
chance to get over there

and pick them up.

- Sometimes I don't
believe you or the counselor.

If Patton forgot the chow,

it could have been
Rommel's w*r, you know that?

- Is that the sports page?

Let me see who won the game...

The obituaries?

- Yeah, it's important stuff.

I gotta keep
track of who's uh...

Who's uh...

You know.
- Dying?

- Can we get started here?

Now, the counselor's not here,

so we gotta go
right to Phase Two,

that's pyrokinesis, the
control and starting of fires.

- I don't know,
that's a bad sign,

someone starts reading
the obituaries, Bill.

Bad sign.

- Can we please not make a
whole chicken omelet out of that?

Now, Ralph, I want
you to think heat.

I want you to think flame, fire.

Aim it right at this bush.

If you can do that,
if you can start a fire

and then stop it just
using the old gray cells,

we'll drop that
right in the library,

it'll be devastating.

Okay, now draw a bead

and let 'er rip.

Draw a bead on her.

Harder.

- I'm trying.

- Yeah, it's working, too.

I can feel it.

More, go ahead, more!

Go ahead, harder yet.

Ah no!

No!

- I did it!

- No, but that's
government issue.

Stop it.

You gotta put it out, Ralph.

Come on, put it out!

- Uh, hey you know what?

I think maybe you should,
uh, move away, all right?

I think maybe I'll
move away, too.

Gee, Bill, maybe
we shouldn't uh,

use that power for a while, huh?

- How am I gonna explain
this down at the Bureau?

That I torched my
own issued car?

- I'm sorry, Bill.

I guess that makes
three this year, huh?

- Yeah.

Oh, I'm gonna need a defense.

Where'd you say
the counselor was?

- No, no, no, it's not just the
magnificent appellate brief,

counselor,
because let's face it,

any good litigator
can handle that.

What I think we're
beginning to notice

is a certain legal
flair and imagination

that doesn't come
along in law every day.

- Of course, I'm
flattered, Mr. Carter.

- You remind me a lot
of my oldest daughter.

When I first hired you, I
think that influenced me.

And then I came to
respect your legal talent.

- Well, thank you.

- I'm about to make you
an offer that I have found

that I haven't wanted
to make to any attorney,

man or woman in
almost five years.

- What's that?

- I think it's about time that
Carter, Bailey, and Smith

takes on a junior law partner

and I would like that partner
to be one Pamela Davidson.

- Well, I...

I don't know what to say.

- Say yes.

- Okay.

Okay, I accept the offer.

But I need one assurance
from you, Clarence.

- Which is?

- Am I being offered
this because I'm a woman

or because I'm a good attorney?

I don't trade on equal rights.

I trade on my ability.

I need your word this
isn't a cosmetic thing.

- Anybody who
would ask the question

doesn't need the answer.

But for the record,
I couldn't care less

if there are women
attorneys on the letterhead,

but I sure as hell care if
there are brilliant attorneys

and you are one of the best.

Welcome to the
top rung, counselor.

- Welcome to
administration, Ralph.

- I was wondering why
you wanted see me.

I can't believe it.

I mean, I really
won the election?

The students really voted
for me to be vice principal?

- Of course it's only temporary

until Mr. Knight gets back

from his sabbatical
in two months.

You can set your
own office hours

and of course you'll maintain
your usual class schedule.

- I can't believe it.

I mean, the entire student
body really voted for me.

- Personally, I think
this experiment stinks.

Liberalization of the
schools is appalling.

The students vote
their favorite teacher

as school disciplinarian.

Where's the sense in that?

What happens to discipline?

- Vice principal,
I can't believe it.

- Temporary vice principal.

Job starts right now, your
first case is waiting outside.

- Oh, good, good!

Because I have some
ideas on how discipline

should be handled.

I mean, I wanna set up
constructive work systems

so I can get the problem
cases to work for the school

instead of against it.

- Mm, we'll see.

Okay, the vice principal
will see you now.

- Hey, hey, Mr. H,
how you doing, huh?

- Tony, what...

- Cubicle 17B,
Bill Maxwell, right?

- Uh, yeah.

And you're Palmer
Bradshaw, right?

- Right.

- Uh-huh, well, we've been
hearing a lot about you, sir.

News travels fast.

- Yeah.

- For example, I just
heard about your car.

- Huh?

Oh, well...

- You've totaled three federal
cars in the last six months?

- Well, uh...

I'm just finishing up
my report on that, sir.

- I'll want to read it.

Any guy who can do that
and walk away all three times

is my kind of fed.

Congratulations, Maxwell.

- Uh, thank you, sir.

- Um, you're the agent who
puts together the gaming pools

every baseball season, right?

Well, I uh...

- Next time you
put one together,

be sure to include me, huh?

I love a betting pool.

- Oh.

Sure, absolutely,
I'll put you in

right at top of the lineup.

- Oh, no, nothing like that.

Just anyplace.

I know I'm being talked about.

One of the problems
with a high profile situation

like mine is I never get
to be one of the guys.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I hope you can
help me with that.

- Well, I can give it a whirl.

Talk it around.

- Good.

Thanks.

- Sure.
- I'll see ya.

- All right.

- Quite a piece
of work, isn't he?

- Yeah.

- Palmer Bradshaw,
Princeton Class of '74.

While he was drinking beer
and chasing skirts in college,

we've been in the
field for 15 years, Bill.

He's already a senior inspector.

Already being groomed for
the top spot in the Bureau.

It's a best desk scenario.

He's got connections,
so he gets the best jobs.

It doesn't hurt that his
father runs Technotron

and contributes to the
President's campaign.

- Well, he seems like a
nice enough kid to me.

- Mm-hmm.

It's easy to be a
prince with everybody

throwing rose petals
before you, Maxwell.

- Yeah.

- He'll be out of here
in a couple of months.

They're just
rotating him around,

getting him ready to take over.

Hey, Bill.

It's the obituary column.

- Yeah, so what?

I keep track of the stats.

It's part of the job.

The rest of you guys never
know where anybody is.

At least I know where
some of them are.

♪ Some of my old friends
have fallen behind ♪

♪ Seems like their dreams
just exceeded their grasp ♪

♪ With too much to do
and just too little time ♪

♪ How quickly
the years go past ♪

♪ Some move up some move out ♪

♪ And some stay
right where they are ♪

♪ Some give in some give out ♪

♪ And some ♪

♪ Never even get that far ♪

- Of course you'll be moving
up out of the partners suite,

new office, bigger desk,
bigger responsibilities.

- I know.

I'll make you proud
of me, Clarence.

- You already have, Pam.

- Thank you.

- He sticks to his patterns
he'll take a shortcut

down the alley
behind the warehouse.

That's the place to do it.

- Got it.

- Get down!

- Drop it, pretty boy!

You made a dumb move, Clarence.

- I don't know who you are,

but you're making
an even dumber one.

- Here's the message.

Don't try and buy off the
commission, that's dumb.

Springsong can't
stand the investigation.

People in Tucson don't like it

when their attorney starts
making plans without them.

- I thought Ted would
want it done, I'm sorry.

- You're getting too big
for yourself, Clarence.

Way too big.

You're on notice right now.

Clean up this mess or you
don't see the end of the month.

You tell your father to
be smart, Miss Carter.

- What is this, what's going on?

- I'm sorry, Pam, just
a misunderstanding

that seems to have
gotten way out of hand.

- When they wave a g*n at you

it's more than a
misunderstanding, it's a felony.

- The trouble with
this profession

is the people we deal
with are almost always

desperate and in trouble.

I guess you have
to learn to live with it.

It's a misunderstanding,
I'll get it straightened out.

As our newest junior
partner, I think you should

try not to read too
much into this, Pam.

Do you think you
can manage that?

- I'll try.

Good.

Very good.

- Vice principal!

I mean, the kids
all voted for me.

I'm very flattered, Bill.

- Could we address
ourself to the important stuff?

Where's Davidson?

She wanted us here,
we're here, where's she,

where's the sandwiches?

I'm starving and your
refrigerator looks like

a hotel for dead ants.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they get in there somehow.

I'm sorry, I gotta get an
exterminator over to fix that.

But I mean, talk
about a terrific day,

I get this vice principal thing

and Pam gets a junior
partnership in the law firm.

- She what?

She got what?

- Oh, yeah, it
happened over lunch,

but don't tell her that I know.

I got the info from
her secretary, Bill.

I'm sure that's why she
wanted us both over here

so she could tell
us the good news.

- She got a secretary
named Bill, same as me?

Bill?

Gee whiz.

The world's getting to
be a bad hockey match.

No organization, bad
trades, the good guys are all

in the penalty box, everybody's
got secretaries named Bill.

This is up here,
it's really high.

- How high is it, Bill?

- I can't tell.

I keep losing count because I
think it's skipping now on me.

- Boy, what a terrific day.

It's all coming home
for us now, isn't it?

Can't you feel it, Bill?

William, hello?

- Yeah, I guess I can, Ralph.

You burned up my car,
that was a good start.

And then I got this 28
year old shirt collar ad

for a new boss.

What happened, Bill?

Where's the old 73rd
Armored Tech Seven spirit?

- 72nd Armored.

- What happened?

- Ace Aarons.

Dropped over dead,
that's what happened.

- Gee, I'm sorry.

- Well, you know...

- Yeah, but I mean uh...

Ace Aarons.

When?

- Two weeks ago.

- Oh, boy, oh boy.

Who's Ace Aarons?

- That's not funny, Ralph.

- Well, it's not
supposed to be, Bill.

I'm trying to wake
you up here, partner.

- Ace Aarons was my age.

Senior inspector, he's
head of the office out here.

He's out there jogging
along and bang,

there goes the old pump.

Massive coronary.

- Bill, that's an accident.

It could happen to anybody.

- So then they bring in
this Palmer Bradshaw kid.

- So?

- Ralph, the kid's
name is Palmer.

He is gonna be the next
deputy chief of the Bureau.

You can bank it.

And he don't even
shave regularly.

- Well, I see what
this is all about.

- You get to be vice principal,

the counselor,
she's a junior partner.

Yours truly, Dumbo
Maxwell, is chugging across

the finish line, folks up
in the gallery yelling down,

"Go, geezer, go!"

This is skipping here.

Oh, would you believe this?

- I don't believe it.

Bill Maxwell, circuit
rider tough guy,

turns into Weeping Willy.

Well, I been saving my dough
for a little piece of ground.

Oregon, on the Mackenzie.

Gorgeous country trout...

- What, you plan
on leaving me here

with this silly red suit?

- I'm getting slow,
Ralph, you can see it.

- No, I can't.

Bill, I don't wanna hear
this, it doesn't suit you.

- I keep making mistakes!

- Everybody makes
mistakes, Bill.

- I don't.

I don't like it.

- Welcome to the
human race, partner.

You can't go because
we're the package, Bill.

Those little green guys,

they didn't pick
us out by accident.

We're supposed to do
this as long as it takes.

How many times have
you told that to me?

We have to hold this
thing together, Bill.

It's you and me and
it's the suit against uh...

- Yeah, that's
right, against what?

- Well, against the world.

When it goes wrong, we fix it.

You know what a metaphor is?

- A what?

- We are a metaphor.

You told me that
when I first met you.

We stand for something.

- Oh, please.

- We are a first
edition folio here

about right and wrong.

- You're an egghead.

I'm tired, I wanna go fishing!

- You can't.

I need your help, Bill.

I can't do it alone.

- I'm in trouble.

I need help and I
can't do this alone.

- Well, so much for ladies lib.

Hey.

- What's wrong?

- Come on, honey,
I'm just kidding.

What's the matter?

- Mr. Spencer, it's Kyle.

I'm in L.A. with Chet.

We passed the message
along to your attorney

and I think he'll
take care of it.

- He was alone?

No, his daughter was with him.

- His daughter?

Mary was with him?

- Don't worry about it.

He got the message.

I could see it in his eyes.

Hers, too.

- Mary Carter's in London.

She's married to a guy
from the Royal Ballet.

You just threatened
Carter in front of a witness.

Fix it!

- The girl in the limo.

- Mary Carter.

- Apparently not.

Stakeout his law office
and Clarence's home.

We gotta find out who she is.

- I really like Clarence.

He's one of the most respected
legal minds in this state,

maybe the country.

He handles the top
people in this town.

- How old is this bird?

- Does that matter?

- Just...

Well, maybe not.

I'm just trying to get a
bead on him, that's all.

- Bill's having some
kind of midlife crisis here.

- I am not!

And we don't talk
about that stuff

in front of the counselor.

Now, what happens
if they find out

that you're not this, what's
her name, Mary Carter,

then what?

- Are you in any kind
of danger, honey?

- Well, I suppose I could be.

They had g*ns
and ski masks and...

What do you think, Bill?

- Well, sweetheart, I think
maybe you got bad guys

in at the top of your law firm.

What you have
to do is go in there

and find out about this,
uh, commission buy off

they're talking about,
whatever that is.

Who are the guys in Tucson?

Why's Clarence the
magnificent got shotguns

waving around in
his face, that stuff.

- I could go in there
and vibe the place out,

see what's going on.

- Yeah, that's my scenario.

- It'd have to be
when no one's around.

Tonight, maybe.

You wanna come along, Bill?

- Well, I guess I can
chug around the track

one more time for the counselor.

- We'll have to take
your car, Bill, though.

They may know what I drive.

- Ah, that's okay with me,

but we're gonna have to
wear our grubbies and push it.

- Uh, we had an accident today.

I blew up Bill's car.

- Bill's government issue car?

That's three this year.

- That's her.

That's the one.

- Hmm, sure looks like Mary.

- So, this is the inner sanctum
for the super shysters, huh?

El Swanko, real nifty.

Where's your office?

Down a couple of floors, right?

Well, listen, maybe
someday if you get lucky

you'll get up here on the
top floor with the big guys.

- Come on, my
office is right in here.

- Very nice.

Yes, indeed.

Bill, you should
see my new office.

It's got a private
line and everything.

- Who you kidding?

You got a cubicle just like me.

Would you look at this?

- I'm gonna try
Clarence's office.

Hello, Mr. Carter?

Hello?

It's empty.

Come on, I wanna
show you something.

I wanted this so bad, you know.

- I know, I know.

Well, look, Pam, it doesn't
mean that you're through here.

- 'Course it does.

You pull the plug on the boss
and you're through anyway,

don't be silly.

- You know, Bill, you have
a charming way with words.

- Here.

Yeah.

Yeah, the big guy all right.

Boy, plush.

Is this plush!

The big guy.

- No, this was gonna
be my new office.

All the junior partners
have offices like this.

Gosh!

This is beautiful, Pam.

Absolutely beautiful.

I don't believe it, isn't
this gorgeous, Bill?

- They give an office
like this to a kid?

A girl?

Come on, now, counselor,
I wasn't born yesterday.

- No, it was more like
1880, wasn't it, Bill?

- That's very funny.

If this is your office,
where's Carter's?

- Right through here.

The junior partners have
connecting suites to his.

- Isn't that beautiful?

- Cut it out.

- Look.

- Wow, this guy
knows how to live.

- Well, it's...

Well, this doesn't count.

This has gotta be an
old guy, old geezer,

old family, old money.

Gotta be oil or gas
or steel or something.

- No, Bill, he's a
self made millionaire.

His family are sharecroppers.

- Where's the closet?

- That's perfect.

"My family were sharecroppers."

- You know, you are
the oldest 12 year old kid

I have ever known.

Now, will you stop
your foolishness?

This is the file cabinet.

Springsong is the
name they mentioned.

- I got something.

It's coming in fairly strong.

- Okay, kid, that's terrific.

- Oh, yeah, it's
coming in real strong.

- Okay, well, hang in there kid.

Get on it!

Ah, Springsong, that's under S.

- I've got it.

- Yeah, yeah, I got it.

I got it.

Springsong Records,
it's a record company.

- What'd he say?

- I couldn't hear him.

Uh, Springsong Records.

It's a record company.

- The president's name is um...

- Chuck Hagman.

- Chuck Hagman.

I don't know where this file is.

It's in a very plush office.

Somebody's holding it,
it looks very confidential.

Hey, you guys, hey
come on in here, you guys,

I got the whole thing,
it's coming in very clear.

- That's it, everything
else is marked

security file 16.

That's in the basement,
we need a key.

- You mean a key key.

- That's right.

- Hey, you guys I got
the whole thing solved.

The whole thing.

President's name is Hagman.

There's a file,
Springsong Records.

Um, it's situated in a
room that's very plush,

there's a beautiful
girl holding the...

I wanna go home.

- Okay, Bill, you
find out what this

Springsong Record
Company has to do

with Tucson, Arizona
and a guy named Hagman.

- Yeah and the other guy, Ted.

Theodore something.

And you make your move.

- I'm sitting in there in
some guy's hat and raincoat,

doing a holograph and you
guys are out here laughing at me.

- Ralph, Bill, let's go.

Sometimes I don't
know why I even try.

Now you know how I feel.

Oregon, that's it.

Mackenzie River,
I'm out of this.

- You'd never make it, Bill.

- Why not?

- Those crickets are
gonna drive you crazy.

- I love crickets.

Bacon in the morning,
flapjacks, I love all that...

Ralph!

Ralph!

- You all right, lady?

- Yes, sir.

- Then these guys get to
keep their arms and legs, huh?

- Please.

- You got no right
bringing us here.

- Yeah, what's the charge?

- as*ault on a federal
officer for openers.

- Well, we didn't know
you were a federal officer.

We thought you
were a circus act.

Now, who is that
guy, how's he do that?

- Uh, piece of
friendly advice, boys.

Um, if I were you I'd
forget about Peter Pan

unless you guys are
really into basket weaving.

- Yeah?

Well, if it's bothering
you that much, pal,

then that's exactly what
we're gonna be talking about.

- Big mistake.

If you take my advice...

- Well, we're not
taking your advice,

we're gonna tell it like it is

and maybe you're
the one who's gonna

have some explaining to do.

- Uh-huh, okay.

Roy, take 'em.

- Is there an explanation, Bill?

I don't mean to criticize,

but this appears not
to be a federal case.

Breaking and entering,
that's more within

the purview of the local
police, not the Bureau.

- Well, there is the
Tucson connection, sir.

- Tucson connection?

- Um, Tucson, Arizona
was mentioned prominently

in these threats made
against Clarence Carter,

the senior law partner of
Carter, Bailey, and Smith.

So that makes it
interstate, that's us.

- That makes what interstate?

- Um, the crime.

See, I got a hunch about
this one, powerful hunch.

I think what we've got
here is the tip of the iceberg.

Down under there we
got Monstro the whale.

If we can crack these
two garbanzo beans,

we'll be on the track.

- They have cracked,
Bill, you heard 'em.

- Um, yeah.

Yeah, the guy in the
long red underwear.

Um, what do you think of that?

Mental instability,

a clever ploy.

We'll let Psychiatric
sort that one out.

Too bad it's got to
be on our budget.

You know, I may
do a treatise on that

and circulate it
in the department.

Agents, the misuse of the
concept of federal jurisdiction.

There's a lot of that going on.

Coming, Bill?

- Uh, yeah.

- Don't feel bad about it, Bill.

Nobody's perfect.

We all call them
wrong from time to time.

- Well, I'm just sorry about
that wild goose chase.

I didn't know you were
out for the evening.

- It goes with the territory.

Besides, it's not like I
was out with civilians.

The mayor understood.

- Yeah, the mayor, nice guy.

- The best.

Some friends of Dad's
are in town from DC,

Pentagon brass, you know.

- Oh.

- Anyhow, I guess they know
how I feel about the opera,

so the mayor got this
little party together.

I don't know why they don't
do Turandot more often.

Great libretto by Adami.

Jeez, I may just be able to
catch the end of the last act.

I'll see you tomorrow, Bill.

- Right.

- When my lawyer gets
done with you on this...

- Mine, too!

- How could things go
so right and so wrong

in the same day?

- Gee, I don't know.

Tell me anything
that went right.

- I got a junior partnership.

Do you know how
hard I worked for that?

I had it for about 15 minutes.

- Well, honey, you don't know

that you don't still have it.

I mean, Clarence Carter is
only one of the senior partners.

- Oh, the most
senior of the seniors.

The one who wanted me.

- Well, he couldn't
make that offer

unless the other
partners agreed, could he?

- No.

No, no.

- Well, Bill's got these
gunslingers under toe.

You'll get them to talk, right?

- Oh, and we prove
old Clarence is a crook?

I see how it works now.

Carter, Bailey, and
Smith will be so grateful

for the marvelous
publicity that generates,

I'll be a shoo-in.

- Don't sweat it, counselor.

They already talked.

They loved your act,
couldn't shut 'em up about that.

Not too choked up about me.

So our head boy scout
stamped them loony cuckoo,

shipped them off
to count their toes.

Slapped me on the wrist,

took away my gold
star for the month,

sent me to the basement
to play with my Velcro.

It's been a wonderful day.

- Now, wait a
minute, let's uh...

Let's count up our score
and see what we got.

- We got nothing.

- Wait, there's the
Hagman Springsong file.

- Yeah, but that's
locked up somewhere.

- Right, under confidential.

That means it's
gotta be in the vault.

I know where that is

and I know that
Clarence's secretary

has a key.

- You can stop right there, Pam.

I'm not having you
take any more chances.

- Ralph, all I need is to
get my hands on that key

- for about 10 minutes.
- No!

- Will you two stop
for just a second,

let the old pro solve
us a problem here?

All we need is a little
wax impression of the key.

It takes two seconds, now
what is easier than that?

- I could go in
there tomorrow night

and rip the handle
off the vault.

That's easier.

- You see what's happened to me?

I can't even think straight.

Of course, you're right.

- Okay, now listen,
I'll pick you up at 7:30

tomorrow morning
on my way to school.

- You don't have to.

- Counselor, it's still
possible they could

send some guys after you.

- Yeah, I'll pick you
up in the morning,

I'll take you home at night,
I'll even take you to lunch.

- Honey, I'll be all right.

- Well, do you mind
if I just make sure?

- No, I don't mind.

I think it's sweet.

- All this needs is
a bunch of violins.

What did you order
on the burgers?

- You said no tomatoes,
everything else is the same.

- Right.

I don't know what happened
to me with the tomatoes.

- Pam?

Pam, please don't run from me.

I haven't slept all night
worrying about you

and what you must think of me.

- Mr. Carter...

- Oh, we're back to
Mr. Carter, are we?

Look, I owe you an explanation.

Allow me that, will you?

- Well, I'm waiting
for a friend to come by

and pick me up,
take me to the office.

- Oh, all right.

Well, until he
arrives, could we talk?

Privately?

We could use the car.

This isn't easy for me, Pam.

If you don't respect someone,

you don't care what
they think of you.

You have my respect.

I'd like to keep yours if I can.

- Mr. Carter!
- They won't unlock.

It's a security feature.

Go.

- Pam, it's me.

Pamela!

There was no
messages, no nothing.

- Why don't you calm...

- Carter's got her!

- Come down off the
ceiling, Ralph, please.

- But we have
absolutely no lead!

- Yeah, we do, we
got Chuck Hagman,

Springsong Records, remember?

- Oh, that's right.

Well, let's get back there
and rip the vault open.

- No, we don't have to.

I ran him through the computer.

Our friend Hagman the
record mogul is branching out.

He's trying to buy the
Desert Sun Hotel in Vegas.

- The bribe to the commission,

the Vegas gambling commission,

that's what Carter was doing!

- Yeah, and it came
up aces and eights

then a dead man's hand.

The commission has launched
a full scale investigation

of Hagman and associates.

Somebody in Tucson
thinks that's a very bad idea.

- A mob connection.
- Yeah.

- Who?

- Well, I don't know,
that's what we're gonna ask

Mr. Hagman right now.

Thank you, ma'am.

- What if he won't talk?

- Don't sweat it, Ralph.

We're gonna badge him,
tell him what we know,

and he's gonna tell
us where they got Pam

or we break his legs.

- Just like that?

- Just like that, he sings
or he's gonna lose it all.

- He's lost it all.

Mr. Hagman went to the
great jukebox in the sky.

- Don't mean to be
overly harsh with you, Bill,

but we seem to be right
back at that question

of federal jurisdiction.

I thought we'd covered that
pretty thoroughly last night.

- Oh, well we
did, boss, but uh...

- Look, I don't mean
to beat a dead horse...

- No, you're not.

And I'm real sorry
they pulled you in here

on your day off.

I mean, you're out there in
the fresh air with the ponies

and everything,
that's terrible, I'm sorry.

- It's my job, Maxwell.

What's a troubleshooter
without trouble?

- Well, this Hagman
m*rder is definitely

federal jurisdiction, sir.

I mean, the guy
lived in California,

he had ties to the
mob in Tucson,

was trying to buy
a hotel in Nevada.

That crosses three state lines.

- You never mentioned
any of this last night.

- Uh, well, no, I didn't
know it last night.

The guy wasn't dead then.

But I did mention
Tucson, remember?

- Was I supposed
to make something

out of an obscure
reference like that?

- Uh, no, but...

I think we can make
something out of it now.

I mean, it all ties together.

Hagman, his attorney
Clarence Carter, Tucson,

the Pam Davidson kidnapping.

- Kidnapping?

There's been a kidnapping?

Why wasn't I informed of this?

- Um, well, it only happened
a couple of hours ago.

- I'll get someone
on it immediately.

- Uh, sir, I'm on it.

- Ah, yes, well...

Well, you're a good man, Bill,

um, valued in the Bureau,

highly valued.

But sometimes it helps to get
a fresh perspective on a case.

I'll put Carlyle on it.

Oh, that's right, I can't.

Carlyle's gone.

- He's gone?

- Happened early this morning.

- Carlyle?

He couldn't have
been 45 years old.

What was it, the old pump?

Ticker, heart?

- Vacation.

- Well, what's the matter now?

- Um, I'm off the case.

- What do you mean,
you're off the case?

- 28 year old kid took me out.

- Bill, you can't
be off the case!

- I fumbled the ball in
front of him too many times,

I'm benched.

- We're not talking
about the All Star Playoffs,

here, Bill, we're
talking about Pamela.

She's been kidnapped!

- I know and I
shoulda seen it coming.

I shoulda put her
under protective custody.

The greenest recruit knows that.

- You know, I'm about up to here

with this breast beating stuff.

- Yeah, me, too.

Well, listen, it's
in good hands,

let's leave it to the pros.

- I thought you were a pro.

- I'm yesterday's lunch

and I'm getting
pretty sick of that, too.

- All right.

All right, Bill, all right.

You go ahead, feel
sorry for yourself.

You take your blood pressure,
you read your obituaries,

you look for the silver
threads among the gold.

I'm gonna do something.

- Yeah.

Yeah!

Damn!

Okay, let's start at your house.

- Damn, he was supposed
to be here half an hour ago.

- Who was supposed to be here?

The executioner?

Or is that not in your line?

Although you've
been full of surprises.

- Pam, please try to understand.

- Understand?

- You think I like doing this?

It wasn't my decision.

Of course.

Just following orders,
my favorite defense.

- I'm in a rotten mood,
so let's make this quick.

- Look, Mr. Svenson...

- Now, you look.

My kid's 10 years old today.

There's ice cream cake
and party favors in Tucson

and I'm up here
because of your mistakes.

This started with you,
Carter, and ends with you.

Trying to bribe the
gaming commissioner,

I don't believe it!

- Hagman said...

- Hagman was an idiot.

Who told him to buy
into a Vegas hotel?

Did he clear it with me?

Did you?

Nobody thought they'd
investigate his finances

and turn up the fact
he's an underworld front.

Okay, I turned that off.

No Vegas buy, no investigation.

Now we tie up the loose ends.

- There'll be more of those
than you're counting on.

- What's she talking about?

- I told Ralph.

- Ralph?

Who's Ralph, do
you know any Ralph?

- Her boyfriend, he's a teacher.

Don't worry about him, I
know where to reach him.

- Why should I worry?

You're doing
such a terrific job.

Okay, get him.

Have him meet us at the yard.

We'll pop them both there.

- I don't know what's
wrong with me,

I can't get anything.

- There's nothing
wrong with you.

You're jamming down too hard,

that's why you
couldn't get it before.

- Well...
- Just take...

Just back off, nothing
works when you're too tight.

- All right, all right.

- Take it easy, flow with it.

Lay back.

- Right.
- Smooth.

- I got it.

Yeah, I got it.

And there's a phone ringing.

- That's right.

Now, now take it
very easy, hello.

Oh.

- And you're the boss.

Whatever you want,
nobody can stop you.

- You oughta hear yourself talk.

Pick it up.

- Hello.

- Ralph, this is
Clarence Carter.

- What have you done with Pam?

- She's all right, Ralph.

But we have a problem
and we have to talk about it.

Just the three of us.

- All right.

You put Pam on the phone.

- Just listen.

There's an old junkyard at
the corner of Laraby and 49th.

Meet us there in 20 minutes.

All right, but...

- Okay, give.

She's all right, okay, right?

- Well, they want me to meet
them in 20 minutes alone.

- No way.

She may be your girlfriend,
but she's my counselor,

nobody messes
with her, that's it.

Ralph, put your clothes on.

- I'll change in the car.

See anything?

- Not yet.

Oh, stay down, get down.

Got them about 50
feet in front of us.

Okay, is he alone?

- Uh, looks that way.

Well, he's got company,
you can count on it.

You get yourself
between Pam and Carter

and that's when I make my move.

- Right on time, Ralph.

You came alone?

- Did you?

- Yes.

- You all right, honey?

- Hey, Carter!

Freeze it, FBI!

I said freeze it!

- Oh no!

- Ralph!

Get it up now!

- Think heat.

Heat, heat, heat...

- Drop it!

Why you...

- Gentlemen, step out, please.

Come on, leave 'em in the car.

Whose idea was it
to call me, anyway?

- Mine.

I knew you'd do it, Ralph.

- You know what?
- What?

- For the first time in my
life, I'm glad I have this suit.

Anyway, if I can
improve school discipline,

then they'll let
me keep the job.

- That's great, hon.

I can hardly wait to see
your name on the door.

Oh!

- 'Course it's not as big
an office as yoU have, but...

- Well, Ralph, the size
of the office or the desk

isn't important.

That's, you know, status
stuff for insecure people.

- Ready?

- Ready.

- Tada!

- Oh, Ralph!

Well, it's, uh...

It's...

- Small?

- I wasn't gonna say
small, I was gonna say cozy.

It's cozy.

- Well, it's a start, you know?

Like you, I mean,
you get to keep

your junior law
partnership in the firm.

- Well, that's up to
the other partners

now that Mr. Carter is in jail,

but it looks that way, yeah.

- Ow!

Oh, boy, lookee
here at this little closet

they gave the kid.

Well, Ralph, you always
wanted your own phone booth,

now you got it.

You hang around
in here long enough,

you're gonna wind up
feeding your goldfish to the cat.

- This coming from
Cubicle Bill the sailor.

- Nah, nah.

I'm out of the cubicle
business, kiddo.

That guy, Palmer Bradshaw.

What a guy, aces!

Little green around
the edges, but I like him,

he's a nice kid.

He appreciates
talent and initiative.

- Sounds like our
Uncle Bill has been

kissing up to the boss.

- Impossible!

- Okay!

Now, get this one.

Not only do we bust
your senior law partner,

but his principle client, an
underworld guy in Tucson.

It's a major federal
bust, it's mine!

It's my bust!

It shines like a diamond
in the Maxwell package.

All is forgiven.

- Well, congratulations, Bill.

- Yeah, even though Ralph
is the one who busted him.

- Counselor, if I could
wear those long johns,

oh, you'd see who busts who!

- Whom.
- Huh?

- Who busts whom,
proper English.

- You sure?

- Sort of.

Well, Bill, it sounds like,
uh, you and your boss

are really getting to be
pals, taking you fishing.

- His folks have a
cabin on the lake.

Way it looks, I'm gonna
go to Washington with him.

Carry his load, the heavy stuff.

- Along with his coat, I bet.

- What's the matter with him?

I don't get this
hostility, Ralph.

- I do.

What happens to the suit?

- Yeah?

- Oh, that, well, uh...

I just thought that we
pack up the old foot lockers,

all three of us, and we
head for Washington.

That's where it's happening!

There's more spies per capita
than there are per capitas!

- Bill, these kids
just voted me in here.

I'm vice principal now, I
can finally make a difference.

We're not going
anywhere, end of case!

End of case?

What are you talking
about, end of case?

- It's not the end of the...
- I don't care if...

I'm talking Washington, here!

I'm not going anywhere!