02x04 - Hog Wild

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

I don't think you have any business
complaining about something...

that you didn't even bother to
participate in, Bill. Wasted weekend.

Shee! Well, almost wasted if I hadn't
brought along the old fishin' gear.

I don't understand how you could
go on sittin' in those stuffy rooms,

listening to those guys with the beards
yammering on and on about I don't know what.

Negative strokes?
Positive strokes?

Sharing and-and staying
out of each other's face?

- Space.
- That's a real no-brainer.

You're so smart... you can't
learn anything? Is that it, Bill?

You are a communications expert?

Communicating
is real easy, Ralph.

Uh, I don't need a weekend
seminar to teach me how.

What you do is open your
yap, tell people what to do.

If they don't do it fast enough, you
bump 'em, badge 'em and bag 'em, period.

Bill, that is not communicating.
That is called "busting people's chops."

- Yeah, sure.
- And it's obvious to me,
at any rate,

that you have no
rage resistance.

I mean, you are so
negative-stroke oriented, Bill,

that it... it's funny.

I mean, you don't even bother listening to
people. It goes in one ear and out the other ear.

And you know what the result is?
The result is you go through your life...

creating problems
instead of solving them.

Yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer,
whoopee-do, scooby-doo and gobbledygook.

You are so set in your ways.
You are so rigid and tied up.

You are so unwilling to open up your
attitudes and try and communicate,

while I'm sitting over
here getting very upset.

Well, thank you,
Ralph, for sharing.

I think that's the
terminology, isn't it?

Will ya look at this
bunch of bums?

Now, there's a full platoon complement of
negative downstrokers for ya right there.

Come on. Get outta the way!
Bill, just let 'em go. All right?

Get outta the way! This is a perfect
example of what I was talking about, Bill.

Someone's gonna get angry and
then violent and then who knows what?

Let's just take it easy
and let them all go.

Yeah, you wanna communicate
with these rum-dums,

you gotta communicate with the old
communicator, the trusty one, Ralph.

Least I remind you, Bill, that the suit is in
the trunk and we are but mere mortals here. Okay?

Whoo-hoo!

You can't communicate with
morons, Ralph. Leave this to me.

Okay! Pull over
there. You're busted!

Okay. This is Sunny 3 on
the road. Come in, please.

That's cute. That's the kind of cute
that gets you five to 10 in a federal pen.

- F.B.I.
- Lookee here! The man's carryin'!

Afternoon, citizen. Hope
you ain't lookin' for trouble.

No. No, uh, as a matter of fact,
we were looking for Lancaster.

- Lancaster? Never heard of it.
- Hey, those are really nice
Harleys you guys got.

I bet you really enjoy the freedom
of the... the open road, don't you?

- Okay, who's the head hog?
- That'd be me, slick.

- Oh, good. That's a nice target. F.B.I., pal. You're busted.
- Uh...

- Some kind of G-man? Is that the rap?
- Yeah, that's it.

I know you must feel a little bit of anger at
my friend, but believe me, we mean you no harm.

You know, the way
I got this figured...

is if you're real good,
then you only get me.

But if you're just a little bit slow, we're
gonna take that g*n away from you...

and we're gonna blow
your toes off, one by one.

Now, wait a minute. There's
no need for violence, all right?

There is a range of alternative
solutions. You're angry.

Well, maybe you can just tell
us a little bit more how you feel.

Ralph, get back in the
car. I got the head hog here.

And I'm takin' him with me. Go
ahead. lardo, make a move, any move.

Come on! Straighten him
up. Let me see that hunk of tin.

Oh, that's nice.

Look here. Official G-man.

You're dog meat!

Huuh!

Hey, lookee here. Shotgun
rider got a glass jaw.

Listen. I wouldn't lay out here in the sun too
long, 'cause, uh, it might roast your brains.

Bill?

You all right? Uhh...

Uh, no, I don't think so.

There's somethin'
wrong... inside.

Now, if you can get
me in the... in the car,

we oughta find a hospital.

All right. Gee, I...
I'm sorry, Bill. Ooh!

Me too.

No sign of concussion there.

I would just apply the ice there
for a while. I think you'll be all right.

Thank you, Doctor. How's
my friend doing out there?

Uh, you know, I don't
like to criticize people,

but he's out there with three fractured
ribs destroying my whole operation.

He's really not a bad guy, sir. It's just
that he has a little trouble communicating.

Yeah, well, I noticed that
myself. All right. You're okay.

You can, uh, go visit
Tarzan if you want.

- Thank you, Doctor.
- Tarzan.

How ya doin' there, Bill? Eh, I'm okay,
soon as we get outta this coffin factory.

Another negative inference...

to a place that has just been kind
enough to patch you back together.

Bill, you are unbelievable!
Oh, let up on me, kid.

I'm havin' a real bad day. I don't
have any "rage resistance" left here.

Yeah, okay. I'll call in before,
uh... before morning. Yeah, bye.

Would you listen
to me for a minute?

This is the whole point that I
took you to that seminar, Bill.

Now, what did you accomplish
with those bikers, huh?

Come on. Let me alone.

You know what you
accomplished, Bill?

I'll tell you what you
accomplished. Nothin'. Zero. Zip.

You know, I'm having a hard
enough time dealing with this red suit...

without you bringing down every hard
case in the world on top of our heads.

Kid, I am an officer of the law.

I can't let a bunch of garpy-gorps shove
me around and not shove back. I can't.

If you hadn't have pulled that
tuna surprise outta your pocket,

you and I wouldn't be sitting in
this office right now, I tell ya that.

Kid, I know that I'm not exactly right
on the mark of what you'd like me to be,

but I'm not gonna "active listen"
some porker on a chopped hog...

who's tryin' to trash
my space and my face.

You can take me to weekend seminars
till, uh, moss grows outta my ears.

It's not gonna happen. I'm
not gonna change, period.

Now, let's get outta
here and on the case.

- Where are you going?
- We're gonna find that
bunch of bums and bust 'em.

Well, I'm not going!

Oh. Well, I guess I'll
just have to go do it alone.

Bill, come on.
They're gonna k*ll ya!

Well, death is the
ultimate negative stroke.

Right? Whatever that means.

He trapped me again. I don't know
how he does it, but he always traps me.

Looks like they went off here,
Bill. But you never can tell.

It might be just some
dirt-bike tracks or something.

Bring the crane, will ya, Ralph?

I can't make it.

What, you don't
believe me, Bill? Huh?

Gotta get out here and
stick your nose in the dirt.

All those guys had
straight rubber on.

No dirt tires. See there? Watch.

Some of 'em are goin' over a
thousand pounds with two people on.

This is where they left, all 15
of 'em... two, three hours ago.

Shouldn't we throw a little dust in the
wind and, uh, say a chant or something?

Ralph, just keep
the jokes comin'.

Uh, if you get me laughin', maybe I can croak
from the pain. You can solve all your problems.

Get the suit.

Just, uh, tryin' a little humor, Bill. You
know, bridging some communication.

Yeah, that's great, that's terrific.
Now you're practicing that stuff on me.

I'm half dead and can't
protect myself. Get the suit!

- I got it. You coming?
- I guess not.

- Why?
- I can't get up.

Give me a hand.

Boy, this is gonna
be real fun. Ah!

You okay? Yeah.

Real fun.

Eh, come on, Ralph. Can't
you ease up here a bit?

Sorry, Bill, but I
didn't pick the road.

Yeah, but you don't have to actively
listen to every chuckhole, do ya?

Okay, there's only two
deputies in that town.

There's that, uh, sheriff,
that kid with no chin. Right?

Huh? Come on, baby.

That ain't hardly talkin' you're doin'. You
wanna say somethin' I can understand?

Must've given her too
many downers. She's spaced.

I want the Mexican
sheriff and I want his town.

That guy back there, he was a fed.
Now, we could be gettin' pretty hot.

That ain't gonna matter.

Well, I got this feelin' we
shouldn't be goin' back to Tecolote.

Let me tell ya somethin'.
They ran us outta that town.

Now, we ain't never been
run outta nowhere before.

I want the Mexican sheriff,
and I want his little town.

Now, if it'll make ya feel better, I'll
post a watch. Hey, give me those glasses.

Hit the hill, slick.

Okay, now, look. This
town is right on the border.

So we go in there, we do it.

We hop across and we start
punchin' sombreros. All right?

All right! Yeah! We'll do it!

Those... are the tracks there.

Here's the walkie-talkie.
Have a nice flight.

Don't I always
have a nice flight?

They seem to be
my summer specialty.

Oh, oh, Bill! Bill! Oh!

Now to the right. To the right!

You're goin' off
the... To the right!

Oh, man. I see it, but, hey,
man, I don't believe this!

Hey! Hey, Preacher!
Hey, Preacher!

You gotta look at this. You gotta see
this! You won't believe it! Come here!

Hey, what's up? You
gotta see this! Come on!

Get up here! Look at this!

Hey, look at... You ain't gonna
believe this. Come here. Look at this.

What? Look. Look, huh.

Fed just keeps on
comin', don't he?

That's nothin'. Wait'll you see his
glass-jaw buddy. There! Look, look!

What the...

I don't believe it! He's
flyin'! Ain't that nuts?

Whoo-hoo! Hey, you guys!
Fire up the bikes! Let's bail!

Look at that.
He's really flyin'!

Hey, B, if we could get him on our
side, we could do some real destroyin'.

You guys circle around back.
We'll take 'em from both sides.

Whoo! Ha-ha!

Oh, Bill! Oh, no-o-o!

Oh! Oh!

Bill? Nothing yet. I'm gonna head
southeast over by the mountains.

Kinda lost their tracks
when I veered right. Bill?

You ain't holdin' such good
cards, are you, spunky?

Bill, come in. Can you hear me?

- I'll say one thing for you:
You got a lotta guts.
- You won't walk away from this.

Bill, what's goin' on? That's what
they keep sayin', but we're still walkin'.

Tie him up. Put him in the car.

Bill?

No, sirree, Bob. He's not okay.

Uh, if you want to see him alive, I suggest
you just come on right back here, and, uh,

come in very gently.

All right. Who are
you? How'd you do that?

- Can you really fly?
- Where's Bill?

You see, I ask the questions, and
you answer 'em real fast and straight.

Otherwise, Bill
eats the last supper.

You know, I've been tryin' real
hard to communicate to you people.

You're just not...
You're not sharing.

I never did. I take
things. It's kind of a habit.

Well, then I'm gonna
have to close ya out.

Golly!

Whoa! You're right,
Preacher. It must be the suit.

All right. We got
trouble, B. Yeah, give.

- Where's my friend?
- I got him right here, and he's
got a g*n right on his chest,

so you better do what the Preacher
says, or else he's a dead man right now!

I'm gonna count to 10.
One, two, three, four, five...

Say good-bye, Maxwell. Take
'em, kid. Don't worry about me.

Seven, eight, nine...
What do you want?

Okay. Back there on the road,
you went down like a sack of flour.

That means you ain't spit
without that little suit, so take it off.

I take this off, and I
don't have a prayer.

And if you don't, the
fed eats the big downer.

We're losing cooperation,
B. Blow him away.

Blow him away, I'm jumping all
over you guys. Yeah? Well, maybe.

My life ain't goin' anywhere
special, so I'm a real good gambler.

Blow him away, B. Blow
him away! All right, all right!

All right.

I'll take it off.

Hey, hey, B. Dig
that ranch over there.

Come on, B.

Get 'em in the barn!

Okay. Some of you guys, over
there. Circle around over there.

All right! Let's get these
old people in the house.

Hey, what is this?
What're you doin' here?

Get on outta here. You hear me?
Hey, old man. Get back in the house.

L'il wild guppies! Get in there!

Put a guard on this
door, B. You all right, Bill?

Untie me. Untie me
if you can. Come on.

Old man... Don't stand there
grinning at me. Get outta here!

Hey, I'm talkin' to you. Get
the broad in here! What?

You gave 'em the suit, huh?
Terrific. That's really smart.

Well, it won't work on 'em. All right?
'Cause it only works on me. Remember?

Yes, Ralph, that's right. But
without it we lose our leverage.

I can't do it. I can't.

Bill, are you all right?
Well, I'm ignoring the pain.

Hey, that's good. That's good.
You're using mind dynamics.

No, Ralph, I'm
using teeth gritting.

Bill, we need a plan. Why don't we try
some of your heavy-duty communication?

A little of that, uh, "I'm
okay, you're okay" stuff, huh?

Hit 'em with a "make right" or
two. That oughta really do the trick.

You know, I have to admit it that, uh, these
guys are kinda hard to communicate with.

I guess if you don't listen,
you can't really communicate.

Oh, let's write that idea down
real quick before we lose it.

You know, uh, Bill,
I'm scared. Okay?

I mean, I'm free enough to admit
that, 'cause these guys are pretty tough.

But I don't think that by baiting them
it's gonna solve any of the problems.

Now, we've been beaten
up, we have been tied up.

And without pointing a finger, I can
honestly say that most of it has been your...

Fault?

Boy, the negative strokes are just flyin'
around here like mosquitoes on a stagnant pond.

You're right. Bill. I'm
sorry. I didn't mean that.

What I meant to say is that
we should show them our fears.

- These are n*zi storm troopers.
- Yes, but they're human beings,
Bill.

Ohh! We should show them
that we have human frailties.

Now, they'll respond
to that. Yeah.

- Well, I'm going to try.
- You can't show
these guys weakness.

It's a mistake. I'm tellin' ya!

Whoo-whoo! All
right! Look at him!

All right. Let 'er rip.

Aah!

All right. It didn't work.

Let's go out and
try the flyin' bit. Hey.

Yeah? You didn't
have to hit me that hard.

Hey, man, I had to see if it worked,
didn't I? Come on, B. You gonna be okay.

Let's go outside. Come on.
All right! Let's go! Come on!

You okay? You know I love ya!

Come on, come on.

- Okay!
- All right, man. Take off. Take a run at it.

Aah! Ohh!

All right! Knock it off!

Let me bring the fed out here.
I'll question him first, then the kid.

You, come on.

Where are you
taking him? Sit down!

Hey, watch his ribs. All right?

Okay. Who are you two guys?

Where'd the suit come from,
and how come that kid can fly in it?

- To start with, lardo...
- Lardo?

This is a top secret federal
project you guys have stumbled into.

That suit was developed at
the Antigrav Lab in Houston.

It is part of our centrifugal-force
weightless-flight program.

We're out here doing preliminary testing. And
because we haven't reported in on schedule,

about a half a dozen
Bell Jet Rangers,

full complement SWAT squads
are in the air right now lookin' for us,

and you guys are about to get
blown into the middle of next month!

What do ya take me for, citizen?

Well, you got a better
explanation? Let's hear it.

Hey, Preacher, they've been tryin' out
a lot of new stuff down there in Houston.

Yeah, well, see? Now, listen to bowlin' ball
here. He's givin' ya the straight stuff.

Nah, nah, nah. It don't
figure. It don't figure.

Okay, okay. Let's
just say it does. Okay?

Then how's that suit work? And you better
tell me now 'fore people are gonna die!

Well, you kinda got me,
uh, backed into a pole here.

All right, okay. Uh, let's, uh, start
with the flyin'. That's the easiest part.

To start with, you have to
take off from someplace high.

Hey, B, get up on the
roof there. Heh-heh.

Come on, B. Hey, you
guys. Give him a hand there.

Yo, get on. B, it's gonna be a piece of
cake. Just up there on the barn, buddy.

You gonna look good.
All right, Preach. I'll do it.

Yeah!

Elevator up! Eh! Got
there. How's that, huh?

Well, no. It's
not... It's not...

You gotta be up about
20-25 feet anyhow.

Go on. Get.

All the way up. All right.

- Okay, what now?
- What you do is you tap the
belt buckle two or three times.

- And then jump off.
- Well, what are you, nuts?

That's the code.

The belt activates the
antigrav-suspension isotopes.

So you... I don't know. If you're
serious, then you're serious.

Otherwise, forget it! That's
the way you have to do it.

Do it!

Okay. Now, then, uh, jump off.

You're gonna fall a little bit before
you fly. But don't worry about that.

Now, remember when you
land, tuck up your legs and roll.

- Go on!
- Yee-ohh!

Uuh! Oh, my God! I broke
something. You gotta help me.

Oh, it hurts! Oh, it hurts!

Well, it's, uh... It's, uh,
always tough at first.

Uh, but that's a good beginning. That's
the way my partner started, just like that.

It's, uh... Your boy, he forgot to
tuck and roll at the end. That's all.

Uh, could we have, uh, the
next guy up in the suit, please?

Aww!

- Well...
- Bring the kid out.

- Uuh! It hurts!
- Come on!

All right, all right. I wanna
know how the suit works,

and I wanna know
now or the old crow dies!

Well, the suit only works on
me. I don't know why, but, uh,

I think it's geared to something in
my metabolism and my chemistry.

Well, that's great.
That's outstanding.

Just outstanding.

Okay. Okay.

We've got a little job for you.
I want you to do it just right.

'Cause if you don't, then everybody,
includin' the fed, is gonna pay the price.

You got it? Yeah, I got it.

Okay. How's he doin'?

- His arm's broken.
- Aah! Aah!

All right. He stays here.

Put on that little red suit.

We go in and we bust Tecolote.

♪ Got my hand on the throttle
and my eyes on the thin white line ♪

♪ Gonna burn a little rubber
Wanna listen to the engine whine ♪

♪ I got a dirty job to do ♪

♪ Ain't gonna quit
until I'm through ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a
mean motor scooter ♪

♪ And I'm feelin'
meaner all the time ♪

♪ Oh, here comes trouble ♪

♪ I ain't makin' no deals ♪

♪ I'm danger in motion ♪

♪ Trouble on wheels ♪

♪ Oh, here comes trouble ♪

♪ I ain't makin' no deals No ♪

♪ I'm danger in motion ♪

♪ Trouble on wheels ♪

♪ Lord, trouble on wheels ♪♪

Sheriff, this is Cile. They're
here. They're out here.

Help. I'm gonna need help!

Drop the stovepipe.

What ya gonna do?
Now, don't hurt me.

Please! Get your can
outta that car, Deputy.

Well, my, my, my!

Look what we got
here... A no-chin deputy.

Hey, Curley, it's a no-chin
deputy. Hey, hey, yeah!

This is the tough guy,
ain't it, Preacher? Huh?

Ain't this the big, hard man...

who's goin' throwin' coffee through
the bars at me when we was in jail?

Oh, now, now, please!
Now, don't hurt me! Huh?

Now, easy there, Curley. You
wouldn't do anything like that, would you?

You wouldn't throw hot coffee at my
friend through the bars, now, would ya?

I mean, I can't imagine a deputy of this county
doin' somethin' ill*gal like that. You know?

Pourin' coffee on a legal prisoner.
You wouldn't do anything like that.

Would you, buddy?

No. Why, of course not.

Well, then you must
be calling Curley a liar.

Curley, this puke
is calling you a liar.

Nobody... calls me... a liar!

I ain't callin' you a
liar. Now, please!

Oh, now, then... then
you must be sayin' I'm lyin'.

I don't like it when
people say I'm lyin'.

No, now... now, listen. If you
all won't hurt me, I'll help ya.

I'll help ya. Now, please!
How you gonna do that?

I'll put in a call to the
sheriff. He knows about it.

He... He'll get the
whole town out.

So what?

I know where they are. I
know their defense plan.

I'll help ya.

Yeah, but you got a...
history of lyin' a lot lately.

Now, how are we
supposed to believe you?

I don't wanna die!

I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.

All right, Sandra. You gotta help
me. You're all I got. I wanna go home.

Well, where is this place?
What's this town we're going to?

Please, take me
home. I'll do that.

Now... No. I'm not gonna hurt you.
I promise. Don't! Don't hurt! Please!

Now, who's this sheriff
that they want to k*ll?

Mark. They'll k*ll Mark.

Mark? Is he a county officer?

What'd he do to
'em? He... He, uh...

Okay, Jackson, out.
Come on. Come on!

Now, we're gonna do us some town
tamin' now, and you're gonna ride point.

And when you stop doin' what I say to, well,
then I'm gonna push the button on my CB,

and we're gonna
ice your fed buddy.

You comprende? Okay.
Your friends and you...

are angry at this
town and the sheriff.

I'm trying to deal with that. But if you
don't talk to me, it makes it very difficult.

So let's try and communicate. Okay?
Umm, how'd you get your name "Preacher"?

I preach destruction.
My thing is death.

Uh, well, that's a start. Okay?

Yeah, that's a start. I mean, it's
a small one, but it's a start. Now...

If I hear any more of this drivel,
I'm gonna feed ya to the buzzards.

You're making it very
hard. You know that?

Yeah, I know. What's your 10-20?

Hey, B, we're right outside
of town. How you doin'?

I'm all right, Preach, but
my arm's givin' me trouble.

- We're fixin' to go in, buddy.
- Good. Well, give 'em my regards.

Out.

That's it? That's all
of it? I don't believe it.

They're leavin' you
behind to take the rap,

bite the enchilada for
the whole bunch all alone?

Some pals. I'm
gettin' real tired of you.

Really? You know, I've
been tryin' to set up...

this emotional-concept
sharing thing.

Well... Don't waste
your time about it.

You're gonna be dead
in a couple of hours.

How're you gonna get outta
here with a busted wing?

You really think they're gonna come
back after you after they trash that town?

You see... see, we're
brothers. You're soft in the bean.

You're rear guard.

Rear guard always has
to make it on their own.

You really think he
trashes that town,

and he comes 20 miles back
upriver to collect his rear guard?

Come on. It isn't done.
Yeah, he's comin' back.

You see, we're Road
Hogs. Now, we're different.

No. Correction. Road
Hogs only smell different.

He's comin' back.
They're comin' back. Okay?

That boy ain't too smart,
is he? Doesn't appear to be.

But then, you know, anybody, uh,
jumps off the barn roof tryin' to fly...

is gonna need some serious
lookin' after from the beginning.

All right, all right. Now, listen up. Gotta
get the women and children over to the school.

Now, Ted, you and, uh...
Basil, go on over with 'im.

Right? Do you really think
they'll be comin' back, Sheriff?

Think so. Got a
call from Cile. Oh.

He sounded scared. Yes. I couldn't
raise him, so I figured they got him.

Boy. Okay.

If we stick together and do what we're
supposed to do, they won't get past Twin Forks.

All right? Now, everybody get
to your positions. Go on. Right.

Do it now. Let's do it!
Women and kids. Come on.

We got one coming, Preacher...
an 18-wheeler, and she looks good.

All right.

Okay. Now, here's what I want you to do,
Ralphie. I want you to stop that big rig.

Why do we have to get
innocent people involved?

The answer to that question is if
you don't, I'm gonna waste Maxwell...

and those two post
diggers back at the farm.

And if you don't do that, then
I'm gonna waste the waitress.

Now, get out there and
do what I told you. All right.

Well, go get it!

All right. Let's mount up.

What institution did
you escape from?

How'd you do that? Who are you?

I'm sorry to get you involved, but
there's a lot of people's lives at stake.

I'm being forced to cooperate. Now,
whatever happens, you do what I say. Okay?

I don't know what you're talkin'
about. Take a look out here.

Gettin' any clearer?
By the second.

All right. I want you to take this
and put it down somewhere. Hide it.

I don't know who you are, kid,
but I'll play. Give me the game plan.

Well, there is none yet. These guys are
mean, but they got room-temperature I.Q.'s.

Well, lookee what we got here...
a lady stevedore. Out, Mama.

What've we got here,
an idiot's convention?

Don't push your luck, Mama. Out!

What're ya haulin'?
Engine parts.

Open it up.

Open it!

All right, kid. Unload
the truck. Go on!

Look. She's real expendable.

All right, all right. I'm goin'.

♪ 859 south to 85 ♪

♪ Move west if you
want to stay alive ♪

♪ Well, don't you know ♪

♪ He ain't all alone ♪

♪ Way down south
getting away from Laredo ♪

Get up there. Get up there.
Come on. All right, all right.

Get up there. Lookin'
good, baby. All right.

Get up there. Slow
down. Slow down.

Come on. Come on now. Let's go.

Come on, come on, come on. That's it.
Come on. Let's go. All right, all right.

No, no. You're
goin' with me, baby,

'cause if you're
lyin', you're dyin'.

♪♪ The deputy says they got
the women and kids in the school,

and they only got two guards.

If we take the school,
then we got the town.

Come on!

Get in the truck, mama.
You, too, shortstop.

What do you mean,
you take the school?

Look. You give me any trouble,
these guys are gonna finish what I start.

Don't you lose sight of
that fact. I'm having a lot of...

Shut your yap and give me a
break! All right. I'll shut my yap.

You know, I got a temper, and I've
just about reached my limit with you.

When my ears start to turn red
and my nose starts to blow smoke,

boy, you better watch out, because I'm
gonna be down on you like a foot on a bug.

Do you see my teeth chatterin'?

All right. Let's roll
on outta here, mama.

♪ So stay out ♪

♪ A place where the
men don't come around ♪

♪ Don't use a phone ♪

♪ Forget your bones ♪

♪ Well, I'm goin'
away from Laredo ♪

Hey, hit it, mama. Hit it.

Okay. Left turn up
here. Come on. Left turn.

♪ I'm goin' away from Laredo ♪

♪ Down south gettin'
away from Laredo ♪

Drop the g*n, Jack! Come on!
You're gonna be here a while!

♪ I'm goin' away from Laredo ♪♪

That sheriff oughta
be comin' any time now.

Your job is to stop him. Tell him
that we got the women and kids.

Let me tell ya somethin'...
Now, look. He's a crazy Mexican.

Unless you do what I tell ya, a whole
lotta people are gonna get hurt here.

Wait. Hey, wait!

Who in the hell are you?

Well, now, here. Lookee here.
Looks to me like we just took a town.

Okay, kid.

Now everybody goes to jail.

Oh, come on. It's not so bad.
You know, I mean, you surrender,

and the local county sheriffs get
through pulling out your fingernails,

- they'll let you cop a plea,
temporary insanity.
- Shut up! Shut up!

Now, my arm's killin' me, and I ain't
gonna stand listenin' to your drivel!

I've had enough of
your bad-mouth! Uuh!

Cut me loose quick.

Now, the two of you,

for Pete's sake,
tie this guy up solid.

Get on the phone...

Get on the phone to Highway
Patrol. I'm goin' south to Tecolote.

Listen, mister. You're in
no shape to travel. Yeah.

I think I should do it. I got a real
score to settle with these cretins.

Anyway if they hop across
that border into Mexico,

I got more authority there
than your highway patrol.

Whatcha doin'? That guy's
name is Big B... somethin'... Bad B.

And wha... Oh yeah,
here it is. Brucie!

Okay. So long, Bruce.

Why take that thing?

It's gonna get me there a lot faster
than anything else around here.

Okay. Take care of yourself now.

See, the suit doesn't work on
anybody else but me. Where'd you get it?

Well, I... I can't really say.

I got a question. How are we
gonna get out of this cooler?

Well, I called the
highway patrol, but, uh,

them bikers got that spineless
deputy of mine to cancel the call.

- So we're on our own.
- Listen. I apologize.

I-I feel it's sort of my
responsibility that you're all here.

Uh, they got a g*n on my friend
and I-I just didn't know what else to do.

They also have a-a girl they picked
up around here named Sandra?

Yeah, she worked waitress over at Shirley's.
It's a truck stop a mile outta town.

What happened here?

Oh, well, they
rode in yesterday,

started gettin' fresh with
the women, raisin' hell.

Tried to run 'em off.
They just laughed at me.

I knew I couldn't stand 'em myself,
so I rounded up 15 men from town,

the neighboring ranches, and,
uh, we took 'em on, ran 'em off.

On the way out of town, they
captured Sandra out at the diner.

Got her all doped up
on reds or something.

Funny how things turn out.

Never figured I'd get iced in my own
jail by bunch of doped-up throttle jockeys.

How are we gonna
get out of this jail?

Well, I got one ace
I'm sorta countin' on.

♪ Got my hand on the throttle
and my eyes on the thin white line ♪

♪ Gonna burn a little rubber
Wanna listen to the engine whine ♪

♪ I got a dirty job to do ♪

♪ Ain't gonna quit
until I'm through ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a
mean motor scooter ♪

♪ And I'm feelin'
meaner all the time ♪

♪ Oh, here comes trouble
I ain't makin' no deals ♪

♪ I'm danger in motion ♪

♪ Trouble on wheels ♪

- ♪ Oh, here comes trouble ♪
- Whoa!

♪ I ain't makin' no deals No ♪

♪ I'm danger in motion ♪

♪ Trouble on wheels ♪

♪ You know I'm
trouble on wheels ♪♪

Where's my partner?

I can't quite hear ya.

They're in the jail. Oh, yeah?

Can I give ya a hand?

What, are you crazy?
Yeah. There you go.

Up you go. Watch
it. Real careful.

Hey! They've got Preacher!

What's goin' on out there?
Boy, I sure wish I had my suit.

- I sure could use some help out here.
- Bill!

I always wanted
to do that. Let's go.

I'll get 'em at the school.

That sh**ting's gonna
have 'em on their guard!

- Ohh! Oh!
- Stella, what'd you do
with the g*n?

You think you're leavin' me here,
you're nuts! Come on. I'll show you.

Oh-oh-h-h!

The Flying Marcus circus
act! We came to town...

If I was you, I'd get
'em tied up, folks.

Bye.

Oh-oh-oh! Ohh!

Get him! Go get him!

Okay. You're busted
this time, lardo.

Well, I think you're finally
communicating with him, Bill.

I'm gonna be needin'
your badge and g*n, Cile.

You soured on me.

Well, I was scared, Mark.

I don't know how you turned the tables on
those guys, but I thought we were goners.

Sorry I let you down. Look.
I'm tellin' ya. This guy can fly.

He takes one, two, three steps, he
jumps up in the air, and he can fly!

I ain't lyin' to ya. He stops
trucks with his bare hands.

There he is right there. That guy right
there with the blond hair. He can fly, man.

Yeah, on the bus,
Tinkerbell. I... Yeah.

You wanna sign
these guys off? Yep.

What did he say about me? Oh,
it's a bunch of doper hallucinations.

These guys get all wired up on reds
or poppers and think they see stuff.

You'd be surprised at
the stories they tell us.

Thank you. Good. Uh, listen. I
want to thank you two for everything.

You know, if it wasn't for you, boy, we woulda
been in trouble... I mean, the whole town.

Yep. Well, I guess then, uh,

you won't mind, uh, keepin'
our little secret a secret.

You can count on that. I don't
wanna go to no head-basket ward.

Heh-heh! Me neither.

Well, I'll see ya.
Sorry to be leavin'.

You had some real possibilities.

So long, Stel.

Do you mind explainin' to
me why it is I always attract...

the one with the package of mashed
cigarettes rolled up in her sleeve?

Bill, because, uh, they don't mind
the fact that you're not into sharing,

and that you don't listen, and, uh, that
you are full of negative reinforcement.

And, uh, in fact, you like to
hostilize. See, it says it right there.

Ralph, are you gonna go on and on with this
stuff until I wind up "hostilizing" you?

No. As a matter of fact, Bill,
I have a better idea for this.

See what they
can make out of it.

Ralph! I can't believe it! You're
startin' to show some real potential.

Thank you for sharing
that with me, Bill.

♪ It's a lonesome feelin' ♪
♪ Lonesome feelin' ♪

♪ When you travel ♪

♪ Down a lonesome road ♪
♪ Lonesome road ♪

♪ Down a lonesome road ♪

♪ Nobody cares a
thing about you ♪

♪ It's a heavy load ♪

♪ It's a heavy load ♪♪