02x12 - Just Another Three Ring Circus

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

Bill, your director would love to have a
little chat with you, if you've got a second.

Take a second.

Time for the star of the bureau to jump
back into action on a very, very hot case.

- Oh, shut up!
- I beg your pardon?

Oh, no, no. I don't mean you, sir.
Oh, yeah, the deep forest green.

Oh, yeah, go great with
the Philippine mahogany...

and the 16th-century sofas
and the French tie-back drapes.

Gorgeous. I really love it.
Is that some kind of crack?

I spend one hellacious amount
of time in this factory, mister,

and it seems to me,
given my efficiency rating,

the bureau can afford to spend a couple of
bucks to make me as comfortable as possible.

You got a problem
with that? No, sir. No.

I'm delighted to hear it.

You think you're doing pretty
good, don't you, Maxwell?

Except you're a one-man band.

You step on regulations,
you ignore dress codes.

You crash more cars
than a college fraternity.

Despite your record, you are
lousy for morale around here...

because younger agents are starting
to idolize you and your offbeat style.

Really? No kidding. Are they?

- I'm sorry.
- You think you've been getting
stinking cases up till now?

Oh, Bill, I got some
cases smell so bad,

I've been afraid to
open them in public.

Little itty-bitty stinkers.

And as of now, you are
going to be in charge...

of every yahoo deal that
comes through the door.

Fun, huh? Oh, sir, I think
you're making a mistake.

I want you to find
me a clown, Bill.

His name is Uri Yovanovitch.
He's a Polish national.

His speciality is getting out of a two-foot high
squashed car, walking backwards on his hands.

You two oughta get along like
brothers. All you gotta do is find him.

A... Polish clown?

Takes one to find
one is my theory.

Oh, yes! And, Bill?

I spoke to the motor pool about
reassigning you a new vehicle.

Being as you're averaging
about one a month,

we wanted to get you one
we felt was expendable.

It's an undercover car.
Radio's underneath the seat.

You'll find it downstairs,
parked right behind the building.

It'll fit right in
at the circus.

Uh...

Guy hates me.
He really hates me.

Very disappointing.

Reading's under state level,

vocab's under, math is under.

Cyler's the only one that
bothered to do the essay.

Hey, man, I did the
essay. Come on. Fair is fair.

Right, Tony. Under
"essay," the man writes,

"This is a essay
on nothing." Period.

- What is that?
- Mr. H., the test
was really long.

You know, it was
hard. Yeah, right.

I gave you guys reading assignments
that had all the material in it.

Obviously, no one
bothered to look at it.

Mr. H.? What?

Probably what happened is that, uh,
tomorrow's, like, Easter vacation, you know?

And, uh, we were
probably just...

really looking forward to that.

Or, you know,
something like that.

I've been trying
to get a job, Mr. H.

I just didn't have time
to read all that stuff.

You're the one that's always saying that we
should get out and do something for ourselves.

That's the bell.
Get out of here.

Look, Mr. H. We're
really sorry, you know?

You guys want to screw around
with your lives, that's up to you.

You want to take it
seriously, I'll be here to help.

Right.

Ralph? How you doin'?

Terrible. How are
you doing? Worse.

Boy, I just went by Vice
Principal Knight's office.

He wants to discontinue
the special ed program...

because the kids did so
bad on the Ohio State tests.

Do you believe this car?

How in the world can you stick a
prize fed with a piece of junk like this?

If they just would've gotten familiar with
the material, Perpetrators will spot me...

just get familiar with it, they would
have done better. 10 miles away.

I don't know. I
guess it was my fault.

I should've given them a quiz on
Thursday. Stinkers he's giving me.

Trying to show me. I'll show him. I
hate wasting my time with this stuff.

What are you talking about, wasting
my time? I'm not wasting my time.

My kids just don't understand how
important the test was. What kids?

My kids.

- In class.
- That's not a class, Ralph. That's a circus.

Speaking of circuses,
we're going to one right now.

You're gonna help me scare up a clown named
Uri Yovanovitch. Get in the car, please.

What? Carlisle just
jumped in my tree.

Gave me a Polish clown to find and a
candy apple with wheels to drive around in.

- I'm in a lot of trouble. Will you please get in?
- A clown? That's your case?

I know it's not a suit-class
problem, but I can't help it.

- I need your help. Now, come on.
- Oh, boy.

Well, why not? You know, I'm
not doing any good around here.

Where, uh... Where'd
you get this car?

cr*cker Jack box.

When you're hunting a clown, you're supposed
to look like one. That's Carlisle's theory.

We're late for a
very important date.

Come on, Huckleberry.
I'll buy you a balloon.

This is one of the most famous
circuses in the entire world.

Yeah, yeah, right. Okay, now.

The guy that filed the missing
persons report is Klaus Vorman.

He's the manager of this outfit.

I think this is a
local cop job myself,

but these bunch of jugglers
just came in from Phoenix.

That puts it across state lines.
Local blues kicked it back to us.

Steady. And up,
Alice. Up, up, up!

Sit. Sit. Sit.

Sit. Up, up.

All right. All right.

Come to me. Come
to me. Uh... excuse me.

Uh, Uri Yovanovitch.
Where's his trailer?

Uh, just around the
corner. Okay. Thanks.

Sure. Come on,
Ralph. Around this way.

Hold this.

Anything?

No, nothing. Boy, look at this.

Oh, the guys at the bureau ever
get a load of this, and I'm cooked.

I'll never live it down.

Look at all this stuff,
Bill. Don't you love it?

You know what makes a
clown so special? Uh, Ralph?

I really don't need that.
Please give me a break.

We gotta find this guy, bing-bang-boom,
and get out of here before I'm ruined.

Look at this wig, Bill.

Did you know that a clown's wig and face
are registered? No other clown can use it.

Ralph? Please, I
don't need this, okay?

- Wait a minute. I'm getting something here.
- What?

Huh. That's very strange.

What? What's going on?
You got the clown, or what?

No, a guy in an apartment,
Century City West Towers.

- It's very faint though.
- He's in trouble, in danger?

No, he's just walking around the
apartment, looking out the windows.

It's kind of faint, but that's all I got.
What was funny... I was getting his name.

- What is the name?
- Uh, Biff Anderson.

As I said, it was very
faint. That's all I got.

Okay. That's only a couple
miles from here. I'll check it out.

You prowl around here, put on the
funny nose and the baggy pants...

and vibe your vibes.

If you can find a way to join up with
this bunch of jugglers, it wouldn't be bad.

With the suit, you oughta fit right
in. I'll be back as soon as I can.

I like this guy, Uri.

- What are you talking about? You don't even know him.
- I'm in the vibe business.

He's a nice guy. He's got
a kid in Warsaw, a little girl.

And his parents were
cobblers. He misses 'em.

Ralph, try not to slide off
the table altogether, okay?

Yep. I like this guy.

Sue me. I like clowns.

Come one, come all.

The circus is about to begin.

Up. Ta-da! Ta-da-da-da!

All right.

Is she okay?

- It looked, I think,
better on Uri.
- Oh, I'm, uh...

Erica Vanderland.

Hi. I'm... The
Flying Vanderlands.

We are trapeze act from Poland.

Oh. Oh, yes, yes.
I'm, uh... Excuse me.

Ralph Hinkley. I'm
from around here. Oh!

You are new with circus?

Uh, well, Uri was gonna get
me an audition with the circus,

but he's not here.

You are new human
cannonball he tell me about, no?

Right! Yes, I am!

Uh, I was gonna have an
audition with a Mr. Vorey or, uh...

Vorman. Vorman.

You, uh... You know Uri well?

Uh, well... Uh... I know
his little girl in Warsaw...

and, you know, his
family, the... the cobblers.

They were...
Yeah, we're friends.

Uri is gone.

Uh, missing. Yes, I know.
Do you know where he is?

No. Nobody knows. Is mystery.

Gee, I guess there's
no one that can, well, uh,

get me into the
circus then, huh?

I could possibly arrange
for Mr. Vorman to meet you.

You could? We talk
to him if you want.

Yes! I think you should
take off Uri's clown nose first.

Oh. Yeah. Yes.

Okay.

Yes? Evening. Mr. Anderson?

Ever heard of anybody named Uri
Yovanovitch or any other performer...

at the International
Circus Spectacular, huh?

How many times
do I have to tell you?

I don't know how you got my name or
why you're asking me these questions,

but the answer is still no.

Thank you, sir. Sorry for
the intrusion. I'll let myself out.

Hey! What's going on in there?

Open the door! Ralph,
come in right now. I need you.

- Century City condos,
east tower, on the roof.
- What's that?

I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

Don't do it!

Bill? Are you all right?

Lost 'em. Lost 'em! Damn!

Hello. Hello.

Is he all right? I guess. He
walked in under his own power.

I couldn't follow him in. I'd probably
end up in the psychiatric ward.

Thank you for bringing these. And
what are you two guys up to this time?

We're chasing a clown.

And I'm trying to
get into the circus.

Oh, terrific. I love it.

If I play my cards right, I'm gonna
end up as a human cannonball.

Ralph, please, I am very tired.
I have been in court all day.

Well, this is not
my idea. It's Bill's.

Okay, but it's my arm.
You did a wonderful job.

Now go back inside and count some
bedpans and let me get back to work.

Thank you. Hey, counselor!
You driving? Terrific!

Let's go.

The circus, Bill? You can't be
serious. Not tonight, sweetheart.

We missed the last performance.

We're on our way to Century
City to hook up with Agent Carlisle.

A missing clown? Now, is
that really a case for the suit?

I didn't think so at first, but when
a bunch of guys on bat wings...

start floating in the window,
sh**ting up West L.A. high-rises,

I get terribly
interested real quick.

I'm telling you. We've got a
major, major case here. I know it.

The old Maxwell
smeller can smell it!

Did you get anything
else at the circus?

Yeah, I found these matches
right there in Uri's trailer.

What? Give me a break.

That only works in
the movies, Ralph.

With the matchbook cover that
becomes the, uh, most important clue.

If he was seeing a dating service,
there must be somebody there.

Will you please
just relax? Forget it.

We have a kidnapping.
Biff Anderson.

I don't know who he was
or is, but he is no clown.

This better be so
clean it squeaks, Billy.

Oh. Ow! I see it. I see it.

Who are the people in the car?

A couple of real nice kids
brought me from the hospital.

Obviously I couldn't drive
with a through hole in the wings.

No, no, no. Even old Simon
Legree could have seen that.

Huh, Mr. Carlisle?
Stay put, kids.

Come on. Let's go have some
fun. You're gonna enjoy this.

I'm looking forward to it.
Does it hurt? Not anymore.

Just seeing you
takes all the pain out.

I wish I could change that.

Bill is not much of
a politician, is he?

Yup. It's one of the things
I like most about him.

A human cannonball, huh?

Right place at the right time.

An opportunity like that
doesn't come along every day.

Is this the, uh... the lock that
you blew off a little bit ago?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah. What's going on here?

Well, I'll tell you what's
going on across town, Billy.

The mayor is giving a dinner,

and I'm supposed to be at it!

What's going on here
is your department,

and I seriously
hope, for your sake,

that it all holds together.

Hey, you're late. We already
cut the cake an hour ago.

You what? Is this Biff
Anderson's apartment?

His apartment and his birthday.

Biff! More guests.

Hey, may I help you? We
want to see Biff Anderson.

You're talking to him.
It's not the same guy.

Would you happen to
have any I.D., Mr. Anderson?

Do you?

Hmm, F.B.I.

We had a report
that there was, uh...

That you were kidnapped from
this apartment about an hour ago.

You're kidding. Excuse me.

We've been having a party here
since 6:30. What's going on here?

There are 20 witnesses
in here. Come on.

Who are you people? You
do have an explanation, Bill?

Yeah, this window was
busted out completely.

They came down from the
roof on ropes, busted in here.

I chased them out this
door, all the way to the roof.

We had a firefight out there. There were
hollow points flying around like crazy.

I hate to be rude, but we
are having a party here.

Obviously, I have
not been kidnapped.

I don't know who you are, pal, or what's
going on here, but you are not Biff Anderson.

- I showed you my I.D.
- Yeah, so did the guy that I
was talking to before.

Obviously,

Agent Maxwell has
made a mistake.

He does that.

Forgive the intrusion. Sure.

Oh! Happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

It's a matchbook, Ralph.
What does it look like?

It's the matchbook I found at Anderson's
apartment. Two On A Match, remember?

It's our hot clue for the day.

How come when I find
the matchbook, it's a joke,

and when you find it,
it's a terrific hot clue?

Because suddenly it's my idea
instead of your idea. That's simple.

Boy, I love it when a case
starts to gel. Yeah, I can see that.

Carlisle's given me specific orders
to stay away from this Biff Anderson.

If I lay a glove on the guy, he's
gonna have my hide on a barn door.

The whole thing has
to tie up with the circus.

Ralph got the
holograph in Uri's tent.

That means Uri was
thinking about Biff Anderson...

or was involved
with him in some way.

Old Uri saw something he wasn't supposed
to see and got dropped into an early grave.

This is just a first-guess
scenario, but, uh, I think so.

Yeah, no one at the circus
seems to want to talk about it.

Another thing, Bill... you said that
these guys who kidnapped Biff Anderson...

flew in on hang gliders, then
rappelled down a 20-story building,

got him and then
left the same way.

You have to be awful well-trained
to do something like that.

Are you saying that a bunch
of circus performers did the job?

It makes sense,
counselor. It really does.

This is a circus caper if I ever saw
one, which, of course, I never did before.

But I think Ralph's
got a point here.

Since I can't go near Biff Anderson, the
counselor is gonna check in at Two On A Match...

and give us a lowdown on what Biff
Anderson's got to do with a dating service.

And I'm getting shot off in a cannon
at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning!

It doesn't have to do with anything,
but I just thought I would say it.

I mean, Ralph Hinkley
being shot out of a cannon?

♪♪

How often does a guy get to be
shot out of a cannon like puffed rice?

Oh, brother. While all this is going
on, what are you gonna be doing?

I'm going undercover.

The two of you have
never seen anything...

until you see me
work from the inside.

You working from the inside?

Will you beat it? I don't want
anybody to tie us together.

I thought you were gonna
work in security. I tried.

This is the only
thing they had open.

It's not even steady
work. They pay by the job.

I'm off for my audition.
Break a leg, kid.

Ah, that's an old showbiz
term. It means "do good," okay?

Okay. Bill, by the way, you forgot a
little spot over there by the water pail.

Have a good day.

I'm Klaus Vorman. You are here to
show me we need a human cannonball.

- I'm your man.
- We sh**t toward
that field there.

You want man to stand with net?

No, that won't be necessary.
I'm a fairly good tumbler.

Nice kitty.

Ralph! Ralph, where are you?

Fire.

Ralph. Ralph, where are you?

Ralph? Kid, where are
you? Come in! I need ya!

Ralph?

Ralph!

Kid, I need you!

Ralph? Kid! Kid, come in!

Bill, get out.

Get out. Go on. Watch
me. Come on. Come on.

Watch me. Watch me.

Right. It's okay, kitty. Calm
down. It's all right. It's all right.

It's okay.

Calm down, okay?

We have trouble, I think.

The man who we see on
the roof, I try to k*ll him, but...

What man? I don't
know. The other...

The one from the cannon?

He bent bars on cage.

You must go now. Get
floor plan at Two On A Match.

We must do job today.

Hi. I'm Pam Davidson. I called.

Mm-hmm. I only have 40
minutes. I have to be back in court.

Hi, Pam. Welcome
to Two On A Match.

Selecting a special friend is important.
It's something we shouldn't rush.

It's not like selecting
poultry at the market.

How beautifully put.

We're here to take the
guesswork out of dating.

I'd like you to fill out our matchmaker forms,
then we'll go right over to the video area.

One of our trained psychologists will
guide you through an informal chat...

that should help you to
find that special life mate.

I know you're trying to do your job,
but I really don't have time for that.

Well, as a matter of fact, maybe to speed
things along, I could walk you through, huh?

Do you like sailing, Pam?

Yes. Now, there's a coincidence.

- I just happen to have
a 23-foot Cal at the marina.
- How nice.

And special clients,
professional people,

I like to offer our
Golden Match special.

That includes dinner, dancing and a Sunday
sail with one of our professional matchmakers.

- Down, boy.
- Okay, Pam.

Now, I would like you to
think of me as your tour guide...

through this adventure in life
science and consciousness-raising.

You look like a tennis player.
Huh? Do you play tennis?

I bet you do, huh? I bet you do.

Weekend tennis.

I live at the marina.
How 'bout you, Pam?

Uh, can we get started? I
am trying a case this morning.

I've gotta be back
in court shortly.

Gee, I hate to rush initial
interviews, Pam. I'll tell you what.

Maybe... Maybe we
could scotch it for now...

and, uh, meet again after work,

try the taping then.

Maybe I could buy you dinner and really
explain this wonderful service we're selling.

So far, all you've
been selling is yourself.

Can I have the name of
the man in charge, please?

Well, our director
is Biff Anderson,

but I don't think he's
around right now.

That name sounds familiar.
He lives in my building, I think.

Maybe I know him. What does he
look like? No, you don't know him.

Now, why don't we just
come right over here and, uh,

I'll just roll tape,

and we'll get you out of
here as quickly as we can.

Where were you born, Pam? Tell
me a little bit about your background.

Uh, I was born in Minneapolis.

My parents still
live there, and, uh,

my dad is in the
hardware business.

Hi, Miss Vanderland.

I'd like to be your
personal tour guide...

through this experience
in social science.

Do you sail, Erica?

Welcome to the International
Circus Spectacular.

You will be in the main tent, shot
from a cannon at the end of show.

- Thank you.
- You can take Uri's tent. He's gone. No come back.

How do you know that?
How can you be so sure?

Is feeling, that's all.

♪ Everybody's lips are sealed ♪

♪ Everybody's hands are tied ♪

♪ Everybody's got a secret ♪

♪ To hide ♪

♪ You know that
everybody wears a smile ♪

♪ Everybody paints one on ♪

♪ Soon as you turn around ♪

♪ It's gone ♪

♪ So ask me no questions
I'll tell you no lies ♪

♪ And that's the way
the world goes round ♪

♪ Zip your mouth
up Cover your eyes ♪

♪ You better not make a sound ♪

♪ Everybody's lips are sealed ♪

♪ Everybody's hands are tied ♪

♪ Everybody's got a secret ♪

♪ To hide ♪♪

- Hi!
- How are you doin'?

I hear you've been asking
questions about Uri Yovanovitch.

Yes. He was a friend of mine.

You should not ask. If you want to live
long in this circus, you forget about Uri.

Why? What's going on?

You remember what I say.

You forget him.

Boy, we got him
there, didn't we?

I don't know what's
going on here, Ralph.

You know, somebody did
try to, uh, k*ll me, you know.

Now a little dwarf pops out of the
woodwork and warns you off the case?

I mean, I love it.
Don't you? A dwarf?

It was a little
green guy, was it?

Just kidding.

- He wasn't green, was he?
- No. Black.

Well. Anyway, then somebody remembered
me from the top of the high-rise,

saw me here, put it
together, panicked...

and decided to punch a
hole in my ticket with the tiger.

Try this for a scenario. The circus is
filled with international personalities.

We've got acts here from, uh, Poland,
Czechoslovakia, Romania, Bulgaria.

All over the place.
Nice international flavor.

International, as
in commie pinko.

Now, suppose one of these acts is
doing a little espionage here for the reds,

on a nationwide U.S. tour.

At a dating service, Bill? Come
on. Circus people aren't political.

Ralph, you're talking to a guy that
almost got turned into a tiger burger.

As far as the dating service goes,
we don't know how that figures in.

It could be a cover
for something else.

Speaking about fronts, I was thinking, the
circus wouldn't be a bad place for us to be.

We could travel all around the world,
solving cases in Spain, in Belgium,

in the United States,

and we could live in the circus.

What about that class
you're so goofy about?

You're not gonna let them trash the
entire public school system by themselves.

Well, you know, I don't think
I'm doing them all that much good.

- That sounds like quitter talk.
- Sounds like realistic talk.

I don't wanna hear any more
talk about you deserting these kids.

You like them?

Ralph, I'm the number two
federal officer in all of Los Angeles.

And if we crack
this clown caper,

I'm gonna be number one.

Now, come on. Let's get this
act out here and get it on the road.

Right. All righty.

Forgot this. Whew!

Bill, I don't know how you
do it. If it was me, I'd quit.

Oh! What, and give
up show business?

Ugh.

If Uri had not figured us out,
we would not have k*lled him,

and these two would not be here.

They must be eliminated,
and we must do it quickly.

Mr. Hinkley!

What are you guys doing here?

Far out with the red cape and
the red underwear here, Mr. H.

Uh, yeah. It's
kind of silly, isn't it?

It needs a purple
hat and a Cadillac.

Well, they gave it to me. I'm
gonna be shot off in a cannon today.

What? Did you lose your whole
box of spaghetti or something?

- Running around in your
underwear on this geek show.
- It isn't a geek show.

It's wonderful!
This is the circus.

It's the oldest form of
entertainment in the world.

- We heard you was here. Mr. Maxwell told us.
- He did, huh?

He said you was thinking about joining
the circus, 'cause we disappointed you.

- Yeah, 'cause we didn't do
so good on those Iowa tests.
- Ohio tests.

So what is it? You trying to
make us feel bad or something?

I just... You know, I've
always loved the circus.

Quite frankly, the circus I've been working
in recently hasn't been doing much for me.

- He's talking about our class.
- That's us.

I care for you guys.
You're real treasures.

But, uh, you know, if it
doesn't work, it doesn't work.

Aw, come on, man.
We'll take the test over.

We all took a vote on it,
and, uh, we're gonna read it,

and we're gonna take it
over during Easter vacation.

- I mean, give us
a second chance here.
- Yeah.

I mean, we don't
want to lose you, Mr. H.

And, uh, see, we can do the
test again, for you. I know we can.

Gotta do it for yourself,
Rhonda. You can't do it for me.

I'm not so sure
about that, Mr. H.

At first we'll do it for you
'cause we care about you,

and then after a while, when we're
used to it, we'll do it for ourselves.

Wow. Check that out, huh?

She's right, you know.

Well, all right.

Hey, you're gonna stick
around and see me today?

Hey, wouldn't miss
it, Mr. H. Boom! Plop.

Yeah.

- See you inside.
- Sure is a dumb-looking suit
you got there.

Shut up! Will you shut up!

♪♪ Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to International
Circus Spectacular!

And for your pleasure, a
cavalcade of circus stars!

Directing your attention
to the first ring...

Alice the Elephant
and the beautiful Alicia!

Boy, there's an elephant.

The circus, huh, Pam?

Oh, my, yes. This
sure is a circus.

It sure is, huh?
Yes, the circus.

I love the circus.

On your matchmaker
form, it said you liked sailing.

I've got a boat down
at the marina, Pam,

and I thought maybe Saturday, if
you're not doing anything, I could, uh...

Well, Chuck, I'm trying a case,

and Saturday is my
day in the law library.

It is, huh? Uh-huh.

Yeah, sure, it is.

And now Alicia will
have Alice the Elephant...

sit on her favorite chair.

Let's hear a round of applause
for the beautiful Alicia...

and Alice the Elephant! Boy,
there's an elephant. Look at that, Pam.

Is that an elephant
or is that an elephant?

Oh, no.

Or "oh, yes," depending
on what you're looking at.

Right, Pam? Uh,
excuse me, Chuck.

Counselor, where are you off to?

Bill! That girl with Ralph. She was up in
the offices of Two On A Match this afternoon.

She don't look like she
needs a dating service.

Neither do I, thank you, but I'm sitting up
there with Chuck Chuckles all the same.

What's happening? You were
supposed to finish casing that job by noon.

I was in court all afternoon, and
then I got the call from my first date.

I didn't know how far you wanted me
to take the cover, so I made the date.

Well, good for you. That
shows initiative. I like that.

The Vanderlands!

We've gotta warn
Ralph. I'll take care of that.

You get anything else?
Yeah, Biff Anderson.

He's the director. He's got his name
on the letterhead and everything.

Okay. Great. That's
great. Anything else?

Well, it's, uh, just
an impression,

but the guy that
operates the joint?

He seemed bored to death, then when
I came in they all started hitting on me.

It just didn't seem
professional, that's all.

Could be a cover for something
else. You don't think they burned you?

These guys at this
mix-and-match joint,

this geek you're with.

He's not a watchdog, is he?
Not in a million years. Trust me.

He let me get up and walk away. If
he was a watchdog, he wouldn't let me.

- There you are, Pamela!
- Probably not.

Uh, Bill Maxwell, I'd like
you to meet Charles Fisher.

Nice to know you, Bill!
Well, same here, Charles.

You enjoying the circus? Yeah!

Well, Chuck, you from
around here? Sure are, Bill.

I think I detect a little
New Jersey accent in there.

It used to be. I live
in the marina now.

You're kidding! Really? What
street? Because... What street?

Ocean. Ocean! Yeah, but
there's no apartments on Ocean.

No houses. Yeah? Says who?

Well, uh, uh, me.

Get his g*n.

Okay. Okay. Hold
it right there, baby.

Oh, not Charles Fisher at all.

Kenny Givers. Hi, Kenny.

Okay, one shot, Kenny. What's
going on down at the dating service?

He's some kind of pro.

We'll get his game
stats when we book him.

You're just gonna
leave him like that?

He's not gonna go anywhere
until they tear down the stands.

I think this thing is starting to gather
momentum. You get back in your seat.

♪♪

The Flying Vanderlands!

That's Abigail!

And now, in the center ring,

Mr. Ralph Hinkley,

the human cannonball,

will be shot out of a cannon
without the aid of a safety net!

This is Mr. Hinkley's debut...

with International
Circus Spectacular!

Are you ready, Mr. Hinkley?

♪♪

This is nuts. You gotta be
out of your mind to do this.

♪♪

Let's go.

Fire the cannon!

Ralph, come in. Are you okay?

What was that?

What happened? I think
they spiked your cannon, kid.

They're takin' off. I'll
follow them and talk you in.

Oh, is this your car? I'm sorry.

I was just gonna
leave you a note.

She is trained to
sit on a red pedestal.

I was leading her out, and
she saw it and just sat on it.

Ta-da!

They're getting away, and
an elephant sits on my car?

What am I gonna tell Carlisle?

- Bill, you're supposed
to talk me in. C'mon!

Well, I'm doing the
best I can here Ralph.

Bill. Davidson,
where's your car?

- I came with Chuck.
- Uh... Villicana.

Hey, what happened to Mr. H.,
going through the tent like that?

He's okay. Just scratches. He landed in a
pile of hay and drove himself to the hospital.

Villicana, I gotta have
your car. Get outta here!

Do it, Tony. Come on.
Where is it? It's right over there.

Come on, honey. Hey,
be careful with that ride!

Don't worry about
us. We'll be fine.

Bill, I'm waiting.

Look, kid. I don't know. I
lost them. They're headed...

I don't know where they're
going. This is really great, Bill.

It all started at
Two On A Match.

Let's take a chance, and I'll meet you
there. East corner of Sixth and Olive.

Get Anderson out of there.

Come on, Biff. Let's go.

Uh, Bill, I think I'm on the
corner of Sixth and Olive.

Look around. See if you can spot
a van. Dark color. Black, maybe.

Yeah, there's one down here
at the west corner of the building.

I've got him spotted, Bill.

Go get him, kid.

Okay, you stay
here. Nothing doing.

At least I know the
floor plan up there.

Freeze, sucker. Heard you coming
a mile away. What's in the bag, kid?

That's him. That's the
guy that was kidnapped.

Biff? Aha! You want to tell
me what's going on here?

Because I gotta tell ya, this is
not a dating service. What is it?

Maxwell, you're in for a
big commendation for this.

This is a C.I.A. Records
Center and Debriefing Drop.

Agents from all over the world
come here to debrief on tape.

And this... this is the
entire C.I.A. network,

worldwide.

Every undercover agent
we've placed in the last 20 years.

- Where's Uri?
- He's dead.

They k*lled him when Uri
found out what they were up to.

And who are you, young man?

I'm, uh... He's with the circus.

You got any trouble
with that, Biff?

No. No, no. No problem at all.

Look at these scores! I
can't believe these scores!

Cyler got an 88
in Comprehension.

Rhonda got a 90... a 90 in Lit!

And look at this one. I love it
when you get excited like this.

Hey, back off, baby.
You know what I mean?

I get so excited when I see these scores.
It makes me feel proud to be a teacher.

Even better than being
shot out of a cannon?

Well, I wouldn't go that
far, but, uh, pretty close.

That sounds like an
open-the-door-in-the-name-of-the-law knock.

- Come in, Bill!
- Boy, wait'll you see this! You gotta see this!

- Hey, Bill, look at this! Look at these scores!
- You gotta see this.

Look at this sheet
here. Rap sheet.

- Hello. Pam, for you.
- Oh.

Okay, anyway, the point is this.

Carlisle is over at the office
steaming his own clams, he's so mad.

He gives me this
rotten little clown caper,

and I bust the biggest
worldwide ring... Hello? Yes.

Of international
information thieves ever!

These Vanderland guys were running
around... How did you find me here?

Busting security people in every
country where the circus played.

They were selling the info to Third
World countries. Commies, pinkos, reds.

They didn't care. Now, get this.

I got a call from
the district director.

Agent of the
month... Bill Maxwell.

I got the cover story in
Bust and Badge magazine.

That's the F.B.I. newsletter.

I made the cover,
Ralph. The cover!

Did I tell you about these test results? The
kids knocked 'em dead in the makeup tests.

Aren't they incredible? I don't
believe this. You're not listening to me.

You don't make the cover of
Bust and Badge magazine...

unless the brass upstairs knows that
you're a real stand-up, out-front guy.

I can't make a mistake! Carlisle couldn't
even nail me on the car that Alice sat on.

- Alice?
- Alice the Elephant.

Boy, that was one
real mashed red Bug.

And that Charles Fisher,
a.k.a. Kenny Givers?

The guy that was her date at
the dating service? I was right.

A C.I.A. plant they dropped on her because
she was asking questions about Biff Anderson.

Anyway, that's the last we're
ever gonna hear of Kenny Givers.

I don't know, Kenny. I'm
kind of busy this weekend.

Yeah.

I'm not so sure
about that, Bill.

Every C.I.A. guy in town has
been calling Pam to get a date.

They saw the videotape she made, and being C.I.A.,
they can track her down anywhere, even here.

That's awful! Yes, it
is awful! It's terrible.

And you know about those feds. I
mean, they have that tenacious personality.

Okay, Ralph, why don't
you just take it easy.

Because all this is gonna just fade
away and disappear. I promise you.

Uh, bye.

Come in! Hi! Is Pam
Davidson around?

What did you put in those tapes?