03x06 - Heaven Is in Your Genes

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

if I could go back
to grad school.

Do it!

The going gets weird,
and the weird turn pro.

What a bunch of whiners.

We're on Maxwell.
He's going east on 89,

heading out of town.

Fifty-six years
old is a perfect age

to start a new life.

Yeah. A perfect age...

to take up bingo.

What's your story?

Okay, agent in trouble here.

Uh, 89, east of the Valley.

Uh, need help.
Repeat, need help!

We are not here to pay
our respects to just a man.

No, we are here to spend...

one last moment with a friend.

A friend who brought
something special to each of us.

A friend who was loved
by all who knew him.

But, uh, let us
remember that life is not

a popularity contest.

- I'll say.
- Now, may this friend

rest in peace.

This concludes our
graveside services.

Thank you very
much. It was lovely.

You're welcome.

Wonder who those people are.

Yeah. At least they came.

Ralph, where are all Bill's
friends from the bureau?

This is pathetic. Anybody
could have come down...

Carlisle, anybody.

Maybe feds are afraid of rain.

Oh, come on,
man. It's California.

It don't rain till January.

I'm gonna go say
hello to these people.

Okay.

Thank you all for coming.

Hello. I'm Ralph Hinkley.

Uh, George Lutz.

This is my daughter,
Linda, and my wife, Marge.

Uh, family?

Friends. Friends? Family.

Well, he was a heck
of a guy, wasn't he?

He was more than that, Rick.

Uh, Ralph. He
was a hell of a guy.

I mean, he was
like a second father

to little Linda there.

Practically raised
her. Taught her how

to play piano.

I mean, he was a...
A gentle, gentle man.

Yes, but he was, uh...

He was very outspoken,
too, when he wanted to be.

I mean, had his own mind.

Bill was a... was a great man.

Max. Bill Maxwell.

- Max Worthington.
- Uh, the Max Worthington

internment...

is later at 3:00
down at the chapel.

Oh.

S-Sorry.

Uh, Marge? Linda?

♪♪

Look. You know,

Bill's landlord
said he left the key.

Why don't we swing
by there later and start

going through his things?

You know, as much as Bill

used to make me crazy,

I'm sure gonna miss the guy.

Yeah, me too.

You wore the suit, huh?

Bill would have liked that.

What should we do with this?

"M.O., barefoot
mugger. Plaster cast.

Griffith Park, 1953.

Second collar,
10-point rookie award."

Maybe we should
give this to the F.B.I.

hall of fame, huh?

Yeah, maybe we should
start our own F.B.I.

hall of fame.

Ralph?

Bill must have been
keeping notes on our

experiences with the suit.

Listen to this.

"I'm not very good at
putting things down on paper,

but bear with me,

"'cause I took a ride
on a banana boat today.

I figure someone
better get it down."

"The super suit
ain't the half of it.

"Those green guys
gave me a new partner,

"some beach bum
who could use a hitch

or two in the corps.

"Hangs out with some
skirt named Davidson.

"Says she's a mouthpiece.

"If I can keep pounding
the edges off of this kid,

"he'll be a half-good fed yet.

"Second time he saved
my skin in a month.

"Davidson's standing up too.
Just hope I can keep feeding

Carlisle marshmallows.

"I think he's catching on.
Got 'Bust of the Month' again.

But like the rest of them,
this one should go to the kid."

- Wait a minute,
here. I got something.

- What?

This is very peculiar.

I-I had a sense
of blue all around,

and then...

No, that's...

You don't think I...

I'm getting through to...

No. That's too weird.

Ralph, you're probably
just very upset.

- And maybe it'd be a good
idea if you'd take off the suit.

- No, wait a minute. I see it.

Where did you bums get this pair

of mail-order ladyfingers?

I can hear him. Right there.

I can hear him.
Pamela, I hear him.

Honey, you're just
upset. Bill? Bill? Bill!

Can't you afford a
decent pair of cuffs?

I'll tell you what. I'll
make a deal with you.

You can use mine.

Hey, take it easy,
guy, all right?

You don't appreciate
nothing. These are cute.

That's what I'm talking about.

Makes me feel like I ought
to be carrying a hair blower

in my back pocket...

and, uh, wear a bunch of keys.

You don't think you're looking

into heaven, do you?

I don't know, Pamela,
but if it is, we're gonna be

real disappointed.

They got vinyl booths
and Formica counters.

This thing ate my last penny.

No, this can't be heaven.

That gumball machine
just stole Bill's penny.

What's this? Dead
bird and tomatoes?

I hate tomatoes. Ugh!

Yes, I believe
I'll have the, uh...

I'll have the beef Wellington,

well done, lots of
charcoal, and a side of fries.

Pam, Bill is not dead.
He can't be dead.

I wasn't looking into heaven.
It was a diner at Rio Cava.

Wait a second. This is crazy.

If Bill isn't dead,
what's going on?

I don't know, but I'm
sure gonna find out.

Meet me at the Airport
Cafe and call the police.

Well, it ain't F.B.I.

anymore, boys.

This is international.
That's Treasury and C.I.A.

You want those
guys on your case?

That's entirely up to you.

But I wouldn't be in your shoes

for all the...

Oh, no. Not again.

Got news for you, pal. They
already had your funeral.

Real nice.

Hello. I'm looking

for a friend of mine, but,
uh, I guess he's not here.

I know he was here.
Have you been here long?

Were there a bunch of guys here?

Do you know where
they are right now?

Come on, lady.

Who is this guy?

I'm getting ready to
call in some backup.

Look, Officer. We
can explain all of this.

Okay, Tinkerbell. Why don't you

just tell the nice man
what you're doing here?

- Not gonna hurt you.
- All right, Officer.

If you wouldn't be so
patronizing, I would explain

the whole situation.

- Right? We can explain.

- Sure. We can

explain everything.

- Then let's hear it, kid.
- I'm gonna tell you if

you'll be quiet for a minute.

Now, what happened is
that we went to a funeral of a

very good friend
of ours today...

I'm sorry to hear
that. Well... Yes, it was

a great shock to us.

He was a dear
friend, Bill Maxwell.

He was an F.B.I. agent.

He was k*lled in a
car crash on Thursday.

I heard about that. Uh,
burned up or something.

Well, see, the thing
of it is, he wasn't,

because I just saw him.

Well, you see, at first we
thought he was in heaven.

But then we realized
that, um, in heaven, they...

In heaven they don't
have, uh, vinyl chairs

and Formica counters, see?

Dispatch, this is Jenko.
Why don't you send

the M-2 squad over here?

Bring along a couple of,
uh, wraparound jackets.

Do something!

Well, I don't know
what to do. I...

Wait a minute. Bill
must have touched this,

because I'm picking
up some vibes here.

This is Jenko.
You'd better hurry

on those jackets!

Very, very good!
I am very pleased.

This is working out very well.

I am Dr. Sheila Simmons,

police psychologist
from downtown.

You see, this is all
part of an in-the-field

stress test.

Uh, in-the-field stress is
a major contributing factor

to officer fatigue.

Pam, Bill's alive! We gotta go.

Uh, you're not going anywhere.
Just, uh, put your hands

on the counter and spread 'em.

You're going on a
lifelong vacation...

to the quiet little
Mexican village

of Casa Maria.

Two guys got him in a plane.
They're headed toward Mexico,

to a place called Casa Maria.

All right. This is what

I want you to do.

Go home, get clothes for me,
jump on a commercial airliner,

and I'll meet you there.

Uh, do you have any money?

Spread 'em!

- Can't you reach him
on the communicator?

- No.

- He's too far out of range.
- Where will I find you?

Um... Well, judging by this, I
guess in the cheapest place

I can find.

Come on. Let's go.

Limousines and
planes and helicopters,

and your backup is waiting
800 miles downwind?

In another country?
That's pretty slick.

Save it, Maxwell.
Nobody's listening.

Nobody knows we're
going to the island, right?

Correct. Nobody knows.

Good. We're taking off then.

Adios.

The island?

Oh, uh, palm trees
and dancing girls, huh?

I'm looking forward to
it, but couldn't we talk

about this, please?

'Cause my tour was booked
into the mountains this year.

Uh, trout fishing...
That's my game.

You mind if I, uh, get
a little water from you?

Thank you very
much. Uh, by the way,

how far is Casa Maria?

Do you speak
English? Oh, uh, three,

maybe 400 miles.

Thank you very much.

Duck-hunting club?

You don't have any
ducks down here.

Sure, we do. We have you.

I'm sorry about the
treatment, Mr. Maxwell.

We couldn't take chances
with a man of your reputation.

My... Bradley,

show Mr. Maxwell
to his quarters.

I'll inform Dr. Streigel
we've arrived.

Well, it, uh,

looks like they've
brought us another one.

Look, uh, Kris.
This thing's gotten

way out of hand.

Now, I mean, ill*gal research

is one thing,

but I'm not up for
kidnapping, not m*rder.

Take it easy, Tom.

No one has been m*rder*d.

No. No, no, no.
No, at least not yet.

But Streigel is out of control.

Now, he's playing
God, and I want no more

to do with it.

All right, Tom.

Then why don't you just
tell him what you think?

I'm sure he can
find a position for you

back at the university.

Of course, there
are some charges

for you to face.

But a man of your...
Why don't you just lay off?

All right. All right. Look.

Can't you see anything
beyond the project?

Kris, you can call
Dr. Streigel a pioneer.

You can call him what you want.

But what he has created
over in Building "A"

is irresponsible!

Y-You can't just
take life and twist it...

into some scientific experiment.

We're not ready for that.

The world is not ready.

It's not just Dr. Streigel.

It's all of us.

And what has been produced here

is a miracle.

Oh... And you can't get miracles

unless you take risks.

Look. You talk as if

we're just taking
risks with some, uh...

With some kind of yeast
culture growing on the windowsill

here in the science lab.

Now, we are talking
about human life.

Yes. Yes, and
over in Building "A,"

there is a life...

that has been distorted
into something horrible!

Something brilliant.

And if you want out,

I'm sure that your
passage back to the States

can be arranged.

Uh, thank you very much
for the use of the bathroom

in there, and, uh...

Oh! Oh, no, no no no no no.

I had some.

Mr. Maxwell. Come in, please.

And make yourself
comfortable. The doctor will be

with you shortly.

Can I get you something?
Coffee, a drink?

Oh, yeah. You can
get me out of here.

Then you and me can sit down
real cozy and you can tell me

all about your funny farm here.

Dr. Streigel will
tell you all of that.

You're our guest.

Lady, I'm a prisoner or
a hostage or something,

but I ain't no guest.

On the contrary, Mr. Maxwell.
You are part of the family.

Oh, now we got the real
used-car salesman here.

What, do you carry a
puppy or wear a funny hat?

Yes, I'm Dr. Streigel.
Won't you sit down?

Well, Mr. Maxwell,
this is a pleasure.

Every field operative
from here to Taiwan has got

a bead on me by now.

I rather doubt that.
You see, no one

looks for a dead man.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Heard about this

little media event here.

You expect me to
buy this? You can have

this stuff printed...

in any junk shop
in the United States.

"New York Welcomes your
Mother-in-law," "Fans Riot."

Gimme a break.

"Fiery crash" and, uh,
"service station goes up."

You got that part.

But there's no body,
so this is a fake.

Well, it was a nice
touch. We had planned

to stage an accident...

A drowning, something simple.

Lost at sea. That sort of thing.

Where did you get a body?

As you've come to find out,

bodies are easy to come by.

Please, may I fix you a drink?

In a strange sort of
way, this whole complex

is at your service,

so please, feel
free to ask any sort

of questions you like.

Oh. Well, I did have a couple...

in the $64,000 category.

Yeah, like, uh, what
do you want with me?

I want to know all about you.

Well, if you wanted to do
a column for the fan mags,

we could have made it a phoner.

I'm a scientist. And
like all scientists,

I find the study of unique
specimens of a common

species fascinating.

And you... Well, you're
as unique as they come.

"Agent William Maxwell,

"Federal Bureau
of Investigation,

Los Angeles, California.

"Solve-and-find
completion percentage: 98.7.

"Estimated deductive
reasoning capacity:

above genius.

"Follow-through, focus,
aggressiveness, field service,

self-defense,

all well above the norm of
any law enforcement or military

personnel in the world."

That's classified data, pal.

Who'd you pay
to get a hold of it?

We live in a computer
age, Mr. Maxwell.

- I ain't gonna give you spit.
- That's one of the things that's

so fascinating about you.

You see, Mr. Maxwell,

you are the finest in the
world at the things you do.

And through today's technology,

I am going to discover why.

Huh? Dr. Mengele.

He literally built the
foundation for today's

genetic discoveries.

And now we can do things...

once only reserved for the gods.

More to the point,
Mr. Maxwell...

I am talking about the
scientific manufacturing

of human beings.

Oh? Oh! Yeah,
right. Okay. Well...

Yeah.

I got it now.

Yeah, sure. You're nuts,

that's all.

You had me going
there for a minute,

but it's real simple.

It's not too complicated.
You're nuts. It happens.

You know, you fall
off the reality wagon,

lose a little traction...

and you wind up in Mexico
playing Frankenstein.

I don't play, Mr. Maxwell!

I create.

Take the finest
characteristics of any number

of outstanding humans,

marry them with
genetic slicings,

and breed a race of superhumans.

Think of it... a hundred
and fifty thousand

giant soldiers...

willing to obey any
orders genetically fixed

in their personalities.

- Bull.
- We have...

Or I should say, I have
the technology to do it today.

Terrific. I think
it's a great idea.

Should, uh, drive the
odds right up there on

nailing creeps like you.

I'm sure you'll be most
interested to meet what

I've got in Building "A."

Now take Mr. Maxwell
to his quarters.

Make sure that
he is comfortable.

Inform Dr. Peterson

that I would like a
primary workup...

of Maxwell's gene samplings...

and cellular body count.

Hair, skin and muscle specimens.

And a complete
internal examination.

Hola?

Hello?

Oh. Buenos noches.

t*rd. t*rd. Yes.

Uh, I would like to get a
room, if it's at all possible.

With water?

Uh, if it's bottled, yeah.

Ten dollar. American.

Ten dollars.

Uh, for you, eight dollar.

Um, say...

Uh, I'm looking
for a couple guys...

that got off a twin-engine plane

earlier today.

I'm supposed to meet
a friend of mine, uh,

for a little fishing trip.

Mister, you don't
ask about any man

on any plane,

or you're in trouble.

Trouble too big for you. Si?

No, I don't "see."

I'm looking for
a friend of mine,

and I want to find him.

Try the cantina. Maybe
you can get some answers

with a bottle of tequila.

Gracias.

Comfortable, Mr. Maxwell?

Yeah, I was until a minute ago.

Uh, what are you
doing with the scissors?

It'll be quite painless, I
assure you, Mr. Maxwell.

Well, you're not sticking
anything into me or taking

anything out of me, right?

I mean, that's... that's, uh...

That's, uh, lethal!

What are you gonna do with that

that isn't painful?

Hmm. Hold still.

Mealtime.

So,

it's the American
with the questions.

You'll get no answers from us.

Uh, can I get a soda?

This is a bar for men.

What do you mean,
Gardner's gone?

We can't find him anywhere.
Security's your department,

Rutter.

If Gardner gets to the
authorities and exposes our work

here, you will be a dead man.

I assure you, we'll find him.

Maxwell will find Gardner.

After all, it's what
he does best.

♪♪

To el Americano who
likes to drink like a man,

with men, in his red pajamas.

Men? I don't see any men here.

You guys act like
little children when

I start asking questions.

I'm looking for my friend.

He flew in on a plane
today. He's in trouble,

and I think I can help him.

Is anyone man enough here
who can tell me where he is?

If you are man
enough, I will take you.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, now, don't hurt me. Listo?

Your friend is on an island...

six miles off the coast.

I will take you there
myself tomorrow.

That's all right.

I don't need any
help to get there.

I'll get there on my own.

Whoo!

I might need this.

'Cause I've got to fly around.

Esta loco!

Americano!

In his red pajamas!

Whoo!

This is a prime opportunity to
test your rather unusual skills.

Surely one with a 98.7
search-and-find record...

will have no difficulty
finding a mere doctor.

You creep. I wouldn't

help you find your
mommy in the obits.

I'm sure this will
persuade you to help us.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

Wait a second. Wait a minute,

I'll find...

I'll help you. I'll find him,

whatever it is.

- We must be sure of your return.
- I'm allergic to horse serum!

What is in that,
anyway? A rather unique

viral bacteria...

we discovered during
our genetic engineering.

You have approximately
24 hours to find Dr. Gardner.

If you don't, you will die...

of a somewhat
violent viral reaction.

Return the doctor,
and you will receive

the antidote.

Quite simple, really.

Ralph, get in here.

Ralph?

Ralph! Honey. Ralph!

Go away, Mom. It's Saturday.

Ralph! You all right?

Ralph!

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, boy. These beds are really

high down here.

I had to get off. It
was moving too fast.

Ralph, you're
drunk! No, I'm not.

I'm just miserable.

Oh, help me up. Come on. Get up.

Oh, honey, would you
get me some water?

Water...

I wouldn't drink this. Never.

What happened? Oh, I tell you.

It's a long story.

A really ugly one. You
wouldn't want to hear it.

Aw, try me. Well...

I flew into town yesterday,

and I couldn't get
anybody to tell me about

where Bill was.

And don't think I didn't
look, because I did.

But I finally got some answers
out of a couple of locals

with a c*ck or two.

Or three?

I don't have any
tattoos on me, do I?

I don't know. I'll
check you out later.

Pull yourself together.

What'd you find out about
Bill? What happened?

Well, I was very diplomatic
about the whole thing.

I hung in there
till the very end.

And... I found out that
they are holding him...

on an island just
off the coast of here.

Who's holding him?

Uh, who? I don't know.

All right. Come on.

You need a cold shower.
I need a cold shower.

Yes, you need a cold shower.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

You're gettin' kind
of rusty at this part.

You've been relyin' on the kid

in the suit too much.

Too easy to get them holographs.

Okay.

Now, tracker Cochise, we're
looking for, uh, mashed grass

and, uh, dead fires...

and... prints and
cigarette butts and...

Gardner!

Doctor?

Gardner! You creep.

Oh, come on, Ralph. Get in here.

Ralph,

can I ask you a question?

Sure, honey.

Have you ever done this
with anybody else before?

No.

You sure?

Promise. honey.
I've never done it

with anyone before.

I thought about it,
but I've never done it.

You mean... that I'm the first?

You're the first, honey.

Ralph? Yeah?

Not even Bill?

Not even Bill.

Gardner?

Oh, Ralph.

Does it feel like this
every time you crash?

No, it usually hurts. Hmm.

I know Bill's around
here somewhere.

I used to be in Indian Guides,
but I flunked basic tracking.

I wish I had
something I could get

some vibes off of.

Uh-huh. I had a hunch.

Oh, honey, you're incredible.

Thank you very much.

Let me see if I can
get something here.

Okay. Got ya, Doc.

I got something.
Let's go this way.

He must be the
same height as me.

Got the same stride.

Looks like the same shoes.

Oh, no! Either that,

or I'm going around in circles!

I hate this!

Bill! Hey, kid!

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.

Get over here.

Bill, are you all right? Huh?

Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

I just love to hang
around in the rain.

Ralph, please, get me down.

- Oh, yeah.
- Gee, what happened

to you guys?

I mean, I almost gave up on you.

We almost gave up on you.

Bill, we went to your funeral.
We thought you were dead!

I heard about that. Come on.

Hurry up, please, Ralph.

I got to run this scenario
by you in a hurry,

because I'm running out of time.

See, this whole
island is like an outpost

for genetic research...

run by a guy named,
uh, Dr. Streigel.

Uh, I think he wants
to open up the old

Maxwell noodle, you know,

and see what makes
me the best at what I do.

Oops.

So, in other words, he
doesn't know about me.

No, of course not.

One of his researchers
went over the wall last night.

I'm on orders to find him.

And if I don't, I can
kiss it all good-bye.

The guy pumped me full of
some kind of poisoned virus

or something, and, uh,

if I don't get this guy
that went AWOL, I don't

get the antidote either.

Oh, boy. Look at this.

It's starting to happen already.
I can't even stand up straight.

Wait a second. I'm
getting something here.

The guy you're looking
for is up on that hill,

right over there.

He must have set this
trap, because I'm getting

a holograph off this rope.

Is he a good guy or a bad guy?

Who knows?

This whole joint is
one big rubber room.

Okay, well, uh, you and
Pam, uh, take off that way,

and I'm gonna pop
in on him from behind.

Honey, I might need this. Yeah.

What are you gonna do?

Come on.

All right.

Dr. Gardner, I presume?

My God! Well, I knew

Dr. Streigel was into
some new experiments,

but I... I never
heard about you.

- Kid? You got him?
- I got him, Bill.

Okay, this is Maxwell.

I got your man.

If you want him, bring the
antidote and get it over here

fast. I'll talk you in.

He's here. Southwest hilltop,

T-37.

Go get him. And give Maxwell

the antidote.

He's running out of time.

I met Dr. Streigel when I
was an undergraduate...

in genetic research
at the university.

Our work was in muscle
and bulk enlargement.

Strength characteristics,

that sort of thing.

Streigel was using some of the
members of the football squad

as guinea pigs.

Well, one of them died,
and his whole research squad

was washed out, myself included.

Yes, I remember.

The boy's parents
sued, and the university

settled out of court.

Yes, yes, and then
Streigel lost his research.

But, see, when the university
dumped him, he kind of,

I don't know, just freaked out.

And the work we're doing
down here is madness.

I'm afraid Streigel has
given birth to... something,

and I don't quite
know what it is.

Sounds like something that
belongs on the late show.

Yes, but this is still some
type of human, and it's

locked up in Building "A."

I have never seen
anything like it.

I mean, as a
scientist, I'm intrigued...

and-and-and fascinated.

But as a human
being, I'm aghast.

Look.

I just want to get it out
and away from Streigel...

before he destroys
it altogether.

Ralph, Davidson, out.

Go on.

Yeah, okay, I got
you. Come on in.

Dead on the run.

Okay, now whatever
happens, I got you covered.

Just stick with me.

Well done, Mr. Maxwell.

I want to see that
same little bottle.

Oh, it's the same little bottle.

You're too valuable.

Ooh-hoo-hoo, boy. Okay.

Let's go see the doctor.

North end of the island
there's a boat dock.

You wait for Bill and me there.

I've got to walk?

I'll give you a lift. Come on.

Uh, no. I'll walk.

Bye.

It's got a little
umlaut over it.

Is that... If they'd just...

Why can't they
just do it in English

like everybody else?

I mean, this... Agua...

I'm never gonna get
used to that Ralph. Never.

You ready?

Born ready, kid.

They're out there.

Come on. Okay.

What do you want?

Thanks for volunteering, Tom.

I'm sure you'll be
a most interesting

study specimen.

Okay, boys and girls. Freeze it.

You're all going stateside on
kidnapping, attempted m*rder,

whatever else we can dream up.

Doc, come here.

Keep your eye on
Jekyll and Hyde here.

Ralph and I will take
care of the rest of them.

Please, if you run
into the aberration,

try to remember...

It's still human.

Lady, you don't make
anything easy, do you?

Come on! We're
going to "A" Building.

- What, are you gonna
sh**t it with a tranquilizer?

- Not until I have to.

But first, I'm
gonna turn it loose.

Turn it loose? I said, come on!

If Gardner wants the monster,

now he can have him!

Whoa! Ralph,
that's Building "A."

Bill, don't panic.
Let me just talk

to the guy, all right?

Uh, hello. My name is Ralph

Hinkley, and I can certainly
understand how you must feel...

Alienated in society...

Uh, Ralph, don't
try to get him a date.

Punch him and
let's get out of here.

Bill, I can't! The
guy's a... person!

Person, Ralph. Right!

Um... Uh...

He's out, isn't he? In
so many words, yes.

Please, try to remember...
I know. He's human.

Wha... Ralph, what did he
do to your knees? Oh, boy.

What did you do to
my... Now, listen to me.

You listen.

Okay, see? Ralph,
he's right behind you.

Now, just relax. Uh,
it takes a second.

Down, Bowser. Whoa-oa-oa!

Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!

- Bill, you all right?
- Better than that.

How's he?

He's out. What
do we do with him?

Well, they, uh, shipped
King Kong home in a tanker.

- How do I get out of this tree?
- Jump.

Would you look at
this? Look at this.

I may be the best fed
in the whole wide world...

Okay, outside of you...
And I get three lines here...

underneath some
old lady who, uh,

willed her, uh,
trailer to her cat.

I mean, this should have been

the best, biggest...

dead fed spread
since old J. Edgar died.

"Dead fed spread"?
"In lieu of flowers,

please send donations
to F.B.I. vacation fund"?

Gee, whiz! They sure don't waste

any ink, do they?

Well, look at it this way,
Bill. Not too many guys get to

read their own obituaries.

Yeah. Wish I'd of been there...

to see Carlisle's
face when they were

shoving me under the sod.

Tears in his eyes.
All choked up.

Well, it's nothing compared
to the look on his face...

when he sees you walk into
the office tomorrow morning.

Burger alert. Burger alert.

Yeah, well, it's about time.
Did you bring the biscuits?

I'm about out here.

No, I did not bring
the biscuits, but here's

a week's worth of mail.

Oh, yeah. Well,
this is all those

apologies and stuff...

that folks all over
the world that couldn't

get to the funeral.

They write...

What is this? This
is a bill from Co...

Cory Brothers
Mortuary Funeral Home.

1,647 bucks? Wait a second!

Since when do you have
to pay for your own funeral?

Let me see that.

Uh, this is not for
your funeral, Bill.

This is for Max
Worthington's funeral.

Max Worthing... Who
is Max Worthington?

Oh, he was a heck of a guy, guy.