02x04 - Roofless People

[bunniefuu]

let me tell you about my family

bedtime again

let's take a look and see what you have

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people in the Midwest grow up hating

tornadoes

[Applause]

not me the tornado drills I hate it they

always came at the worst possible time

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hey I'm finally gonna show his real

father interrupt this broadcast we have

to go to the southwest corner of the

basement back tonight Steph bring this

number back if y'all just follow me into

the sample room finally the reason we

came here

the ones I wish we'd have a real tornado

Oh Louie a tornado is nothing to wish

for how do you know you've seen one I

remember my first tornado scariest thing

I ever saw

sent a dozen farm animals flying across

three states Wow

flying farm animals a Canadian donkey

landed in our birdbath yeah right mommy

what's the matter with you yeah you

better not tell anyone or else or else

what you'll spoil me to death can you

help me out Louie

I don't even know what to say to her

sure the first step is you gotta tell

your big brother who the lucky girl is

lunch lady new so what do I do you give

that to yourself

rush on the lunch lady geez did I hear

right you have a girlfriend more like a

woman friend if you like her you just go

right ahead and tell her tell her that's

what people do when they like someone

they show each other how they feel oh

yeah just like done your dad's more of a

romantic than you think these are the

letters your father sent me during the

w*r what do they say there were a few

complaints about the food and getting

the shot at but mostly he wrote how much

he loved me she did well me and General

Patton can I read him certainly but

please put them back when you're done

your father doesn't know I saved them

and he wouldn't be too happy if anyone

else saw them okay mom you're the girl I

adore oh you're my sweetheart warmish

aura pretty as a Gomorrah and I couldn't

love you Laura

Oh mush

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never fear Lily the leg Anderson is here

come on Louie you can do it sure you can

do it nuit

just put your way to do it

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attention everyone inside this is not a

drill this is not rigged figured this

might be the only chance to see a real

tornado

besides the tornado had destroyed the

only home run I kicked in mind why

it Oh d-dear tornado wow this was a real

good idea

there's one's for you and here's some

prey all right everybody say parent what

do you my soup Hey I liberated France

wearing only a condor Andy you think

we'll be all right down here you just

got a bad case of tornado jitters I'll

tell you a little story mommy down the

barrel of g*n curse nighttime shrapnel

fine bombs exploding my buddy Peterson

loses a leg not here's the course dad

what about Louie don't worry about it

he's heard this one a thousand times

whoo Louie's fine he was playing

kickball after school I'm sure he's

tucked away in the school shelter safe

and sound

where are you going don't worry dad it's

in the garage

and I remember putting it in the car

Louie we were worried about you

how'd you get home so quickly I got a

laugh oh just the way I left it

well everything looks shipshape in here

honey yeah I didn't have a skylight put

in recently did we no time for shower

we've been here gotta reinforce the

bunker here where's Louie he said to

tell you he's not gonna make it no

breakfast not hungry

are you sure Louie it's french toast I

think I can I think I can I think I can

I got I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna go again I think I'd better

call school

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Anderson thought your house survived the

shingo here and there but nothing five

minutes with a hammer can't run on two

by fours or some ruthless just the guy

I'm looking for

that's me here to serve what can I do

for you my wife's birthday is coming up

and I'm not sure what to write on her

card how does it sound to you my love

for y'all is stronger than the chow

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powerful than all the g*n hang on I've

got the pick of the litter it's

addressed to aura wow the guy was

clearly overseas in some countries or is

a very common name fess up chump you

wrote these letters bladder is hiding

that tighter and letters in case you

forget when I was overseas and I was too

busy defending my country fight even the

church's sleeping in the mud every night

when I sleep in the mud I think of you

my little rosebud promise

all right all right give the guy a break

Thanks just put it on my account

sure thing would that be under Anderson

or fuzzy-wuzzy your mother tells me

you're scared to come outside Louie is

that true no that's the dumbest thing I

ever heard I'm just spending some

quality time with me all right

Louie let's try something else I'm going

to hand you're dry and I'd like you to

tell me what you think it is a fresh

beautiful humble pie fully demolished by

a tornado a brand-new bike crushed to

bits by a tornado I have no idea either

your son has been badly threatened by

the tornado

oh he's inherited some bizarre paranoid

behavior does anything like that run in

your family

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well not now dear principal Halloran is

just explaining what's wrong with Louie

it's cold

tornado induced agoraphobia Louie's in

complete denial and he won't be able to

step outside until he confronts his fear

of tornadoes that kids moving out when

he's 18 whether he likes it or not

fortunately I have developed a special

11 step program that is guaranteed to

cure him how does it work first you

write me a check for $200 then I

schedule frequent sessions with your son

that's an additional cost of $75 a piece

and finally we put Louie through my

one-of-a-kind tornado simulator for a

supplementary charge of 360 dollars

thanks a heap doctor but I think we'll

turn around three-step program step one

you leave step two iCare Louie myself

step three

but that was step one wow you're still

here aren't you that's why I mention it

twice Andy are you sure you know how to

handle Lois problem you get in I dabbled

in the psychiatric arts I studied with

Freud my platoon nicknamed me head case

no thanks Louie now about those letters

[Music]

now maybe you remember the letters I

showed you how can I forget I still

haven't regained my appetite well the

funny thing is they seem to have found

their way into the neighborhood do you

know how that happened

let's see off the top of my head a big

tornado came and blew everything all

over the place you think you could try

to find him

save your breath dad

I'm not talking Larry did I ever tell

you the most important thing I learned

in the w*r doc even more important than

that I learned it's okay to be afraid

here's a little trick that General

Patton himself showed me General Patton

was afraid of stuff well now nothing

scared that man he was a rock when he

taught the rest of us to write down our

fears on a piece of paper brilliant dad

let's give it a try

I'll go first let's see ah my fears oh

I'm afraid of the dark

I'm afraid of Brussels sprouts I'm

afraid of the garden hose coming their

lives and strangling me in my sleep okay

now buddy go ahead I don't know what to

write happy on how about you start with

the letter T let's see you're afraid of

10 K toenails

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Bertolini you keep working and I got

every confidence in you my fear by Louie

Anderson the union's gonna hear about

this how my love is like a mountain

stream ever flowing to you my great lake

you wanna come up here and say that so

those buzzy was forget about your

Christmas all right Louie

today's lesson is wind our friendly

friend this should be educational

now most wind is totally harmless a

breeze can blow a sailboat across a

length or cool you off on a warm day see

those nice the point is Lily wind is

good wind work wind is right when will

save you

[Music]

Badman lessons over

here's lunch boys won't peanut butter

and jelly again when I am to the tuna

casserole we had last night well our

guest was hungry hey that's my mr. brown

I'm here to collect my dad's letters Oh

your smile is the Sun your eyes the

stars I love you as much as my own cars

aren't you the sweetest the final letter

is why turn 80 what's a turn 80

hurry hurry hurry step right up

only 25 cents to see the one the only

amazing flying cow hey what are you

doing that's my call

says who that's in my tree right buster

you're gonna have to move it out you

know you're dying you're exploiting a

defenseless creature yeah what's your

point

it's wrong that'll be like me saying hey

come see the agoraphobe only $1 per

second dig once again mr. sensitive

dinner rescue

I want to grow old with you we make a

lovely pair I love you to the end of

time or till I lose my head that was

your best one yet dad

all right since you're missing so much

school I'm gonna fill in today lucky me

two dairy cows graze peacefully in the

meadow suddenly a tornado picks up the

cause and carries them away there's

something tasty for you girl now boys

you know very well she has four stomachs

you only have one and it can wait till

dinner than in your civvies you know

those comic books you love with that guy

mouse that fight scream mean night

sniffer dog of justice yeah that's no

one I just saw the newest dish you're

down at the market hey can you pick one

up for me done

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the roses are dead the violets are fake

my love for you is as strong as my

breath when I wake Hello Dolly

you know I thought the cow might like a

piece of chocolate cake would it be rude

to serve milk with that

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sweetheart I can't help I write what I

feel I don't care who sees that's enough

I wrote that poetry can you not that's

right I'm not afraid to admit it anymore

I'm a poet yeah Annie Anderson writes

poetry and he's proud of it how do we

know what's your poem what just look at

it

happy birthday kitty you'll be mine

forever Maura it doesn't even rhyme

that's true I wouldn't have even noticed

I wrote that for 20 years ago and I

don't mind telling you I feel the same

way today

my sweet hora hora hora when I come home

from the w*r ah you'll be mine forever

Maura and I'll let out a roar shouting

cara cara cara

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quit it what what's your problem anyway

same as yours

I'm stung you can leave that room any

time you want no I can I'm scared of

what tornados big deal who isn't I hated

to admit it but the cow had a point

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this just in Cedar Knoll is bracing for

another tornado this is not a test

have you seen Tommy it's gone all the

with you

turkey Tetrazzini shepherd's pie I love

your linguini and your roast beef on rye

tell me what are you doing telling mrs.

Newton how I feel about it that's what

people do you know not during tornadoes

they don't

hey wait for me

you deserters

with that final twister tornado season

was over for another the town cleaned up

things were back to normal the damage

was contained or so it seemed

hey Louie how about a little how love to

dad but I'm still adjusting to being on

side it's a very delicate time for me

you don't want me to suffer a relapse do

you it's a garden hose and it's going to

strangle it on me that's okay

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