02x06 - An Anderson Dozen

[bunniefuu]

let me tell you about my family

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let's take a look and see what happened

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just not the new night for growing up in

a house with 11 kids men I never had a

place of my own

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yeah well your little GI is reading read

ants every inch of it already belong to

somebody else

no wait would you mind helping me lose

my lunch

get it come on I'll give you a hit it's

something that you say every day

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Louie what are you doing

stripping jeez how about a little

warning next time at last I had found a

place I could call my own somewhere I

could hide from the rest of the world

for hours and hours digest Oh Dan

are you forgetting something Friday I

believe you get 75 cents for using the

telephone here's a half a buck you know

for not taking out the garbage

I forget whatever it is you're not doing

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sorry about that didn't mean to stuff

you here's your nickel family for being

five years old in contributing

absolutely nothing

well thanks for calling dr. Martin back

what's wrong nothing's wrong dear it

seems I have a little bun in the oven

well get it out it must be burnt to a

crisp by now no Andy it's not that I'm

expecting I'm running on empty BSS Andy

an iceberg and it is going down no Andy

I'm expecting a bundle a bundle of what

joy Andy I'm expecting your bundle of

joy oh hey you having a baby mom

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just keep breathing and keep breathing

are you sure that's what the doctor said

these bags are busting as it is we can

hardly afford the brood we've got

already economy lately real managed we

always do we'll just have to make a plan

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maybe you don't mean that of course I

don't you gotta get rid of two or three

of them to really make a difference you

always said you wanted your own dirty

dozen when you're right you're right

don't worry though face I'm sure all of

the new recruit will be the one who

supports us in our old age it's not like

the good old days when I could just

requisition supplies and Uncle Sam would

flip the bill now I gotta pay cash I've

got a suggestion well it's been six

years since you had your last race don't

you think maybe the time is right what

do you say not a bad idea course it'd be

much easier to just get rid of one of

those kids

baby baby what are you so excited about

are you kidding I'm gonna have my own

personal servant that baby's gonna do

everything I say why would he do that

cuz I'll be older than him duh really

good jumping on the bed you can't tell

me what to do I rest my case

anyway chances are you're not gonna be

around long enough to enjoy a younger

brother what do you mean dad thinks it's

too cramped here already me and mom are

gonna kick one of us out you lie

sometimes but not today

I just heard them talking about it hmm

can I have your Minnesota Twins banner

what are you talking about I'm not the

one who's leaving you know it's always

the oldest who leaves when John was born

Sid left when Peter was born it was

Julie and now it's your turn either you

or Laura and between you and me I think

they like Laura better but there's not

enough room in the nest for everyone and

the older offspring must leave to make

thus the Bluebirds raises its family

year after year yes Louie what happens

to the older birds you know the brothers

and sisters can they stay with their

parents that they want to know Louie and

soon as the older birds learn to flying

their parents make them we will nest

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chirp remember to eat all your worms

thanks again Willie

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understand Lily I understood all right I

understood that I needed to make myself

indispensable around the house or it was

gonna be bye-bye

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no gotta do the windows cleaning out the

garage mop the floors

Cinderella nothing my mom's having a

baby no no but I'm not taking any

chances

dan says one of us has to leave and I

want to make sure it's not me be sure to

send us your new address it didn't take

a genius to figure out that my survival

plans have backfired hey what's going on

here don't suppose you're measuring for

a hot tub

oh no dear we're just trying to figure

out how we can save some space I figured

my only chance was to find out where

that baby was coming from so that I

could send him or her back I went right

to my source nine months later in the

baby's born oh hey mom and dad would

never do that clearly it was time to

find a new source Cabbage Patch walk

around till they find the one they want

pull apart the leaves and take the baby

it's as simple as that

after hearing Jeannie's ridiculous story

this one at least made some sense still

I wasn't convinced no one ever told you

about the giant store

mom can I ask you something anything

Louie where do I come from well you were

born right here in Cedar Knoll just like

the rest of family no I mean where did I

come from oh I see well maybe you should

ask your father when he gets home yeah

I'm up in Packers saying here's an

interesting question where'd those

Packers come from Green Bay everyone

knows that

oh hey here's another interesting

question where do I come from where do

you think one of the oldest and finest

families ever to reach the new world I'm

backin great-great grandpa Anderson set

sail from Norway yeah yeah yeah I

remember

so what are you asking me for because I

want to know how babies are born love is

w*r or is that w*r is hat I guess that

means love is father storms the beach at

Normandy sending off his troops anuman

piteous lauder

some of the troopship

get captured many go down but if one

little soldier managers to wriggle

through and that's how you got your

Purple Heart yep I managed to put it all

together

the French are being attacked by giant

stars so 400,000 troops stormed the

beaches of Normandy and their amphibious

loaders they fight their way up to the

Cabot's patch through heavy a*tillery

until finally only one remains standing

while I applaud your thirst for

knowledge I'm afraid I can't condone the

miracle of birth being couched in terms

of invasions explosions mass destruction

hey thanks for 5 where exactly did you

find these facts

of course I know the difference between

army man and army man well he just got a

little mixed up that's all these things

which is why I think you might be

interested in my latest book telling the

young uns where babies come from

debunking the Cabbage Patch and other

myths oh I don't think for only 14.95

you and mrs. Anderson can get the help

you need what are you talking about I

have 11 children and do they all think

they came from an exploding minefield in

France

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I already told us everything

no I just wanted to talk to you about

the baby you both seem a little

concerned about your new sibling and I'd

like to make sure I'll be able to count

on you for help see they're fragile just

like the new baby will be but once you

learn how to take care of your egg

you'll be ready to help me take care of

the baby okay I knew what was going on

this was the final contest whoever held

on to their egg the longest got to stay

at home why certainly Tommy that's a

lovely idea so he wanted to play rough

I was on to his little games I'm gonna

get my egg to name then I'm gonna take

it to school so it can learn how to be a

big egg that's a nice thought Louie as

long as you keep your eggs safe and

sound that's the point you can count on

me mom this here is one same thing

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[Applause]

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mom Duncan still hungry I named mine and

eora after mom and dad oh that's sweet

and I'm gonna have some more meatloaf

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what's that Duncan food allergy huh all

right I'll just finish that for you and

then try to burp my egg watch very good

time yeah my time I ain't gotta burp

himself

I've been practicing putting diapers on

my egg so my eggs already potty-trained

he's a genius thing they taught him on a

walk this morning eggs eggs eggs enough

with the eggs already if I'd wanted a

family of eggs out of married a chicken

Andy are you alright

don't worry about me yeah just had to

let off a little steam yeah um I see no

you said I'm okay I was just wondering

did you get a chance to speak to mr.

Applegate today I meant to but just as I

was heading towards his office something

came up my lunch oh you just need to

work on your confidence that's all

let me show you what I mean here you be

you and Louie you'll be mr. Applegate

you mean I get to be dad's boss this is

ridiculous

he's right I should be dad's boss go on

Andy

why don't you give it a try I'm not

asking my son for a raise don't be silly

you're asking mr. Applegate come on

please mom Wow come on Anderson out with

it I'm a busy man what do you say no no

that's it just play now honey Aram

you're fired

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calm down calm down just let me see if I

can help you dear I'll be you this time

first I want to thank you for seeing me

today mr. Applegate why certainly would

you like a soft drink actually there's

something important I need to discuss

with you sh**t as you know I've been

working here for 17 years I'm the best

installer you have and confidentially

the wife and I have another small one on

the way

so could I have a raise sure what the

heck I love kids

this is nuts she gets the raise I'm the

one who works there well you should have

thought about them before you send me to

my room what are you doing now I'm

brushing my teeth time to quit being a

kiss-up Tommy mom's not even around

and besides babies don't have teeth due

to Tommy who is that your egg and just

like that the contest was over I won I

was gonna stay and then something came

over me no Tommy this is your egg so I

dropped mine um I guess I still need to

work on that whole responsibility thing

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Louie what are you doing don't worry

I'll be on your way soon enough honey

what's wrong I'm not a child mom I know

the score I have to go

Zoey what are you talking about dancing

there was enough room for all of us and

that was before I mowed down your

geraniums tie-dyed your clothes and

failed the big egg test Louie it was

just an egg Duncan Joseph was more than

just an egg he was a friend a true

companion I think you may have taken

your egg a little too seriously I know

you don't want me around once the baby

comes I don't blame you I'm an egg

breaker Oh we'll always want you we

don't get rid of our kids

well what about said Charlie and Julie

wood they weren't asked to leave they

grew up and they wanted to go you're

gonna be a wonderful big brother

in fact you already are yeah try telling

that to Duncan Joseph I know what you

did for Tommy swapping eggs with him

I told you well someone had to take the

fall and he's still a kid and he'd never

survived the main streets your father

and I are both very proud of you and we

love you very much

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Nikhil what's this for I raised today

that's wonderful Andy I'm proud of you

thank you dear I couldn't have done it

without any of you it's just like Louise

actually it is Louise hmm

what you can buy a new one with your

raise my little chili thief this is

awful sleep I'm afraid we won't be

needing it for a while when the baby

comes actually I went to see the doctor

today seems we're not going to have a

baby after all Wyatt

apparently there was a mixup at his

office but we can all congratulate mrs.

Brown down the street oh I was just

warming up to the idea dad none of your

soldiers made it through it didn't take

a five-star general to see that Dad was

playing in the march on France and me I

was surprised to find myself hoping that

the troops would pull it off this time

after all it only takes one what are you

reading that for I like to be prepared

just in case tell me honey

what do you think of a name like Jimbo

yeah I got it why didn't I think of this

before

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general Anderson and what if it's a girl

that way we keep the bread walk-in away

from

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