03x03 - Military Reunion

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

your scientists will tell you that the

average eight-year-old has spent six

months of his life eating meals 11

months of his life watching TV in three

years of his life the average about the

mashed potatoes I can't feel my legs

[Music]

I calculated that in my eight years of

life I'd actually spent nine and a half

years listening to dad's w*r story

little cold huh

reminds me of the time I was dropped

behind enemy lines in Eastern Europe

with nothing but the clothes on my back

and a nasty head cold oh what a mess I

was with the fighting v at the time see

how is their advancement I was a hunter

[Music]

saw my little reserves are you ready for

the movie if you hurry you can still

catch the end credits we don't give you

two guesses it reminds me of the time I

missed the USO show cuz I've been red

k*lled by that Lithuanian my dad opened

his mouth another precious hour of my

life just seemed to disappear if I never

heard another story about dad and the

fabulous fighting v it would be far too

soon boys and girls it is my great

privilege to announce the kickoff of a

very special week the 15th reunion of

our very own Messina no fighting hitman

but distinguished itself during the

second

[Music]

for a whole week the school went w*r

happened there was a man every activity

had to have something to do with the

reunion but then in the fourth period

English class my whole world changed

does anyone know what oral history is

the story of dental floss

[Music]

what dental floss is funny but

toothbrushes gives me nothing oral

histories are the traditions that are

passed down from generation to

generation so as part of the 15th

reunion celebration every one of you

will give an oral history of what your

father or mother did during

yes Louie just one question are we gonna

be graded on this

[Music]

she's so sure you're gonna get a name

are you kidding no one's waiting for me

at home a plate full of high cholesterol

cookies the Fort Knox of w*r stories the

mother lode its timing here's the bone

breaking boredom started to pay off

[Music]

happier than the day we got married

yes I mean of course not it's the second

happiest day of my life

it's just that Lily asked me to tell

them all my w*r stories about my days

with the fighting v can you believe it

honey

he asked exactly our Louie yes our LOI

it's just hard to swallow that's all no

harder than this meat well okay man are

you all right Louie I'm fine mom

you're not really going to listen to all

your dad's w*r stories are you of course

not I'm gonna write them all down my

favorite song wants to record my wartime

experiences is that so wrong

the document will be like the

Declaration of Independence Magna Carta

is that right

whatever love that enthusiasm kid

Wow the fighting set for being airlifted

into Finland parachutes and all open

under enemy fire is my teeth actually my

boy

only the tank g*n it's jammed and German

so quickly before you can say kernels in

German and the fighting Fitness stock no

way to get to the safety of the force

without being spotted by the enemy until

I say so I start moving my brain down

because a cow stampede which provides

the perfect distraction and for that

display of courage to miss the bovine

[Music]

what's the problem

sorry Dan carpal tunnel setting in does

I have to 13 hours of writing hey public

schools

what kind of school doesn't teach a boy

to write with the other hand it's

getting late

are you two almost through homestretch

1945 a few months of the occupation and

we are done

can't you finish tomorrow it's a school

night no I have to present the oral

history tomorrow it's the kickoff of the

big reunion that's right you hear that

what reunion the fighting film it's your

big 15th reunion hey come on dad don't

pretend you don't know about the reunion

we're down here wait dad what about the

last year of the w*r 1945 I was in

prison camp I don't like to talk about

it good night dear

[Music]

helped to defeat the godforsaken evils

willing enemy thank you miss Harper and

thank your mother for her inspirational

riveting next is Louie Anderson I hope

you all are comfortable pants cuz we're

gonna be here a while my father Andy

Anderson was the most decorated corporal

in the history of the fighting 5th

regiment lights the spanish-american w*r

my dad started his military career as an

intern you know delivering mail for the

Spanish bonafide and with that kind of

w*r record it was only natural for FDR

to give him a call when the big ww2

reared its ugly head

[Music]

any questions yes Melvin

let's review it's 6:00 a.m. your dad is

here single-handedly saving up vineyard

outside of Paris at noon he's here using

his big Co to wipe out an entire platoon

outside of Italy four hours later he's

here driving a tank across northern

Africa so what's your point what's my

point

it just sounds pretty implausible to me

improbable not very likely

furthermore the spanish-american w*r

took place in 1898 world w*r ii in 1941

by all estimations that would make you

dad 112 years old well you know he

doesn't look a day over a hundred and

two tell you what Louie perhaps you

should go back and check the veracity of

your dad's w*r record I copied it down

word for word on three tape recorders

well we go find the truth and come back

tomorrow and give us another report

[Music]

hey what's the big idea you tell me dad

I don't know what you're talking about

I'm talking about three little letters I

am see I an see what are those clowns

want I got my green card I'm a citizen

stands for incomplete dad mentally got

of my oral report incomplete huh what's

the problem got you choked up talking

about your old man couldn't get through

the whole thing

oh no problem was they couldn't swallow

it mr. Lambert said no one person could

have done everything you did exactly

what I said when he gave me the golden

calf I tell you that story dad they said

I exaggerated spun a couple of whoppers

did you understandable you got carried

away

yeah really did it happen to you I mean

you told me a lot of stories dad did you

maybe get confused on the date add

something to a story when you should

have subtracted

who's your teacher mr. Lambert

then what did mr. Lambert Jane the one

apparently talk field hygiene right how

to care for your toilet paper yeah

really expression Lily those who do do

those who can't do don't believe those

who did do your dad's stories er well

they're intended to create a visual

impression and experience dear so yes or

no are they true your dad is an artist

Louie and as an artist it's the spirit

of your dad's experience that he's

telling you that's where the truth lies

so you're saying the truth is that I can

expect the spirit of an Ave when I

deliver my report thanks for clearing

things up mom the next day the big

reunion began the fighting v invaded

Cedar Knoll if anyone could clear up the

mystery behind my dad's w*r record these

were the guys to do it what's the Cedar

Knoll replica the landing craft had put

us ashore on Normandy Beach my dad was

in the fighting v corporal Andy Anderson

you know um hmm doesn't ring any bells

tall small eyes head comes to a point

his chin picks out you know pencil neck

what's your dad do son radio operator no

boy corpsman

plus he was a tank driver forward scalp

tail gunner bridge-builder field surgeon

he performed up and Doug dummy's with

his Norwegian army 9mm missing guy your

dad why don't you check the unit photo

over at the VFW hall

right he took somebody else's identity

like those escaped cons outta Long

Island then it's gonna rule me back

after the w*r yeah that could have

happened doesn't really make a lot of

sense to me not even a little none but

still stranger things will happen right

yeah that looks like him my guy my dad

doesn't have a tail hey cut me some

slack I'm just trying to help

Louise dad may have used an assumed name

toddler but he didn't assume a whole new

species it was time to face the facts my

dad let's just say that my dad had been

an interior decorator in the big room of

truth good thinking I'm talking about

the reunion fighting fair thing you

can't wait to see your buddies you know

share w*r stories old memories things

that never happened to you don't believe

in reunions well you went to your high

school reunion my old uniform doesn't

fit you were wearing in the last weekend

mom let it out I'm gonna be at Sunday

Mass Saturday it's the Sabbath I

converted

hey Dad did you ever go by another name

other than Anderson yeah I used to be

called go to bed now before I get really

mad Anderson hmm long name probably

changing at all is Ireland

maybe my dad could live a lie but sure

as my name was Louie go to bed now

before I get really mad Anderson I could

[Music]

I mean he didn't lie exactly told me

stuff that wasn't true he was weaving a

line of the story

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

hope she doesn't trip on her runners on

your pal

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

is that everyone is a whole fighting

fifth accounted for yes sir all

accounted for all except one

my dad Andy Anderson Anderson nope

doesn't ring a bell

[Music]

are you alright it's corporal chaser

keister you old dog

where you been kissed her boy saving our

tails again he can always count on

Easter this is your dad why didn't you

say so I did Andy Anderson Easter son

it's a nickname got it at the beginning

of the w*r welcome I never heard that

because I was embarrassed it's not

exactly how a guy wants to be remembered

it all started at Pearl Harbor life

wasn't it the Solomon Islands I think it

was the Philippines whatever it was the

islands already as the platoon cook I

was always the first one up in the

morning making breakfast while everyone

else slept little did I know that that's

very moment the enemy was preparing a

sneak attack now I guess this particular

kitchen was a little more cramped than

mozz

[Music]

[Applause]

I can set her away so that's when they

call you corporal keister yeah I guess

the name just stacked it wouldn't have

been the same without you keister and

not to mention the fact that you saved

our keisters again why were you in the

company picture oh I can answer that

keister here took the picture if you're

humiliated I understand you want to

change your name son that's alright with

me as long as I can change it to keister

which I'm proud to be a keister dad

let's go keister I'm he Anderson it's

time they're unveiling the monument this

monument is dedicated to the men of the

fighting fifth Regiment heroes captured

in their finest moment

you're doing your - moment oh dear

yeah perfect resemblance not entirely

perfect but it'll do look at me even

included the ID number from that stone

right on your left cheek I'm proud of

you dad I hope that one day my keister

will save the United States of America

not to worry ya got the Anderson keister

you're on your way

expectations we all have them fathers

for their sons and sons for their

fathers my dad was a hero after all

just not the kind of hero he thought his

son would appreciate but he was wrong a

little story

[Music]

no good

[Music]