02x06 - It's a Bogus Day in the Neighborhood

[bunniefuu]

I'm Bill S. Preston Esquire

And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan!

Together we are Wyld Stallyns!

Greetings, Excellent Ones.

Whoa!

♪ Life can be all you want it to be

♪ When you follow your dreams

♪ Join a team and always believe

♪ And soon your dreams will be reality

BILL & TED: Whoa!

♪ It's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

♪ A most bodacious, courageous team

♪ They'll stay together

♪ Friends forever

♪ It's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

♪ A most bodacious, courageous team

♪ Cruising in their time machine ♪

Party on, dudes.

Excellent!

(BILL & TED GRUNTING)

Bogus!

Looks like the Wyld Stallyns world tour has been booked

in egregiously hostile territory.

Not to worry, friend Bill.

This performance is a benefit for Deacon, my ailing brother.

He's been stricken by a mysterious stomach virus.

Most non-non-heinous!

DEACON: Go away, I'm as sick as a dog.

Excellent!

I always wanted a puppy.

Greetings, sick brother dude.

We have come to perform music to get better by.

Hey, down in front! Can this wait till commercial?

What are you watching, esteemed sibling?

Educational TV.

My own triumphant flesh and blood!

(ON TV) Coming up next, Thunder Slugs!

All right!

Is that not the one where the mutant slugs

destroy their enemies by coating them in toxic slime?

Ew, bogus!

And heinously violent.

No, that is not for you.

♪ It's a marvelous day in the condo here

♪ The new roof should hold out another year

♪ Won't you move in? Could you move in?

♪ The termite inspector's already gone

♪ And nobody has to mow the lawn

♪ Won't you move in? Could you move in? ♪

Mr. Radish's Condominium! I grew up with this dude.

He's molded young, outstanding minds for decades.

He is the king.

Not! Put Thunder Slugs back on!

No way, little bro. Mr. Radish will inspire you to get well.

Ted, my friend, I fear time and the elements

have worn Mr. Radish down to a shred of his former glory.

Agreed. The dude needs a shot of futuristic rock, like this!

♪ Won't you move in?

♪ Could you move in?

♪ Won't you buy a condo? ♪

BOTH: Excellent!

What's all this racket?

Uh, hi, Dad!

Theodore, your brother needs his rest

and I'm sure you have homework to do.

The Wyld Stallyns were just serenading young Deacon here with

the Mr. Radish's Condominium theme.

Heavy metal remix.

You won't be remixing when you're in that Alaskan military school!

True. They probably only get Mr. Radish's Igloo up there.

Shut up, dude!

Just trying to inject a little levity.

Well, time to bag a hasty retreat.

Farewell, esteemed colleague!

Wait, Bill! Something heinous is afoot in Mr. Radish's neighborhood!

Watch this!

He's taking off his sweater halfway into the show!

So?

He's breaking tradition. Something is most grievously wrong.

Kids, Mr. Radish always considered you his friends,

but lately I've been hearing talk that you'd rather watch

noisy rock videos or crime fighting ninja lizards,

than nice, clean, educational me.

Frankly, I'm hurt.

Bogus!

My producer, Mr. Producer Guy, tells me you don't want to see

cute, little forest creatures anymore, unless they're carrying automatic weapons.

All right! Now you're talking!

So friends, I'm hanging up my cardigan for the last time.

No way!

Yes, way! So long, neighbors.

He can't quit. He's an institution.

Without Mr. Radish, who can kids have as a role model?

Reggie Thunder Slug?

All right, Reggie! Squirt that toxic waste!

Bogus!

Would it not be more convenient to take the bus to the TV station?

We are not going to the station.

I'm dialing directly to Radishville in the Squint Directory.

Excellent!

Hey, who switched the channels?

Uh, cut to a cartoon. The tap dancing Christmas tree, anything!

Outstanding! Just like on TV.

This is TV, dude!

Excellent!

Look, Bill. It's Susie Sushi!

Her gills look even more bodacious in person!

We have to find Mr. Radish.

Mr. Radish, dude! You're back!

A most resplendent miracle!

We knew you would not abandon the youth of America.

Sorry. I'm only here to return my sweater.

You cannot quit, Mr. Radish!

Yeah! What about the kids?

Kids today don't want my advice.

They just want to see rock and rollers

prancing around in their underwear.

Well... Yeah.

But they need you too, dude!

Thanks, but my mind is made up. I'm gonna miss this condo.

(SNIFFLES) See you, neighbors.

Oh.

Wait right there, Mr. Radish!

Can you say, most resplendent solution?

Huh?

What if two most excellent and fully dressed

rock 'n' rollers moved into the condo next door?

It would modernize your neighborhood most triumphantly.

It's crazy, but it just might work.

Mr. Radish, what are you still doing here?

Can you say, change of plans?

Meet my new neighbors.

I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!

And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan!

And together, we are Wyld Stallyns!

Ah. How melodic.

You're adding total unknowns to a hit show?

Excuse me, Mr. Producer puppet dude,

but we are most certainly not total unknowns!

Just last week, we played a benefit

for the San Dimas Volunteer Fire Department.

Oh, wow.

We raised enough money to buy them a new smoke alarm.

And now we want to turn our talent to helping the TV star

who helped us through our most pimply adolescence.

Go ahead! Do what you waaa...

(GRUNTING)

Teeeen seconds to air!

ANNOUNCER: Tell your mom to buy new Thunder Slugs cereal with extra sugar slime!

We now return to Mr. Radish's Condo.

I have some new friends I'd like you to meet, my neighbors, Bill and Ted.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Missy.

Hi, Dad!

Hi, Deacon!

(GASPS)

Oh, I'm sicker than I thought.

(GROANS)

Let's all hop into the imaginary big rig for Magic Storyland.

I hate to be bogus, Mr. Radish,

but we're never ever gonna fit in there.

You have to use your imagination.

That's why it's called an imaginary big rig, my friend.

Uh, boys and girls, today's story is "The Little Train That Could."

No way, sir! You always read that story!

Try this one!

What're you doing, you...

Neighbor?

I know my little brother, Deacon would rather

hear this story about the fuzzy bunnies!

Fuzzy bunnies? I'm ruined for life!

Excellent! Check this out!

So then, the bogus fox who chased the excellent bunnies

got his egregiously fluffy tail caught in his own most heinous bunny trap!

How about that?

Just goes to show you. Never leave a bunny trap out in the forest.

Wasn't that a most triumphant story, Mr. Preston, my friend and neighbor?

Mmm.

Oops, sorry, Mr. Logan. I was not listening.

What do you think about it, your Highness?

(IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Most bogus, Mr. Preston, Esquire.

Bogus? What kind of a stupid word is that?

Ah! The puppet is alive!

What did you expect, my man? You're not in Kansas anymore!

Outstanding! Wait, I've never been to Kansas.

No, no, no! This is the world of make believe.

My puppets don't ad-lib.

It's that kind of 50's thinking that's keeping this show in the dark ages!

Wake up, honey. Smell the pig sty!

You need to chill out!

My own puppets have turned against me!

No way!

Whoopee!

BILL & TED: Whoa! Hey!

Dude, isn't it a little early for snow?

It's not a blizzard. They're faxes from viewers all over the country!

You're a hit! They love you!

Uh, excuse me, Guy? What did they say about me?

Actually, nobody mentioned you.

That does it. I don't have to take this anymore!

I quit! Again!

You don't have to. Says here you've been cancelled.

From now on, this is Bill & Ted's Condominium!

No way, Mr. Stingy Producer dude!

We cannot take our boyhood idol's show away from him!

We just want to give him our most excellent assistance!

Thank you, neighbors, but I don't need your help.

There's an audience out there for my kind of show

and I'll find it!

Wait! Mr. Radish!

Come on, kids! I have contracts for you to sign.

But what about Mr. Radish?

He's a has-been! You're the future. Sign here!

You know, I've always wanted to sing.

So, uh, do you think I can, uh, direct a few episodes?

Goodbye, my neighbors. Goodbye.

♪ It's a non-heinous day here in our garage

♪ A resplendently pleasant day is at large

♪ It's not bogus, don't let it be bogus

♪ Say it won't be bogus ♪

(GROANING)

Kids, this is all that is left of Mr. Radish, unless you help.

Send those faxes! Write those letters! Call the station!

Hey, put a lid on it. The kids don't want to hear schmaltz.

Read this!

Uh, well, kids,

this little book is a special request and it's called,

It's My Potty and I'll Cry if I Want To.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Look, little babes and dudes. It's a special surprise guest!

And just in the nick of time!

It's Rufus, our stellar guidance counselor.

Greetings, my excellent friends. Thanks for having me on your show.

You are always most welcome in our garage.

Cut to the dancing Christmas tree!

Fellows, I'm afraid you're losing sight of your original purpose.

Weren't you supposed to be helping Mr. Radish?

Most affirmatively, yes!

He will return most triumphantly when

the audience realizes what they're missing.

He won't be coming back, boys. Mr. Radish got a new show on cable.

He got another show already? I knew we could help him!

See for yourself.

ANNOUNCER: And now, Public Access 134 brings you, Mr. Chicken's Neighborhood.

Cluck, cluck, neighbors.

Before I introduce the first cartoon, I'd like to read you a story.

It's about an over-achieving locomotive, The Little Train That Could.

This is not going according to plan.

We have a plan?

You better.

In order for you to become the most excellent dudes in the universe,

you need high school diplomas and to get that,

you can't spend all your time being TV stars.

A most bogus career move!

Not to worry, friend Rufus. We're just a passing phase,

like Milli Vanilli!

No pressure here, but the future of the planet depends on your getting

Mr. Radish back where he belongs so you can finish school.

Can't we just take an incomplete? Uh, roll a cartoon!

Be excellent to each other. And Mr. Radish.

BOTH: Party on, Rufus!

No sign of Mr. Radish.

He was here.

A-ha, a clue! Public Access memo. Re. Mr. Chicken's Neighborhood.

"Please cancel. Not enough clucks for the bucks."

A most heinous memo.

(THROUGH THE WALL)

Ribbit-ribbit. Welcome to Frognme Street.

BOTH: It's him!

Most stellar, Bill! We're on Frognme Street!

Ribbit-ribbit, boys and girls.

Are we ready for today's Frognme story?

You again? Don't you have anything better to do

then follow me around and get me cancelled?

A most egregious misinterpretation, Mr. Radish!

Come back with us now.

We want you to have your own show back!

Oh, no. That's not my show anymore.

Now get out of here! Or I'll give you warts!

(PHONE RINGING)

TED: Did you forward our calls?

Hello?

It's Guy! He'll cancel the show if we don't show up.

What about Mr. Radish?

He can't hop far in that costume.

True! We'll retrieve him most triumphantly during station identification.

"So the little train said, 'I think I can, I think I can.'"

Huh?

Cancelled?

Again? No, no! Wait! Help!

(GRUMBLING)

It's no use!

Thirty seconds to air time! Why does this happen to me?

(YELLS)

Where did that come from?

Hi, Guy. Don't lose your head, dude!

GUY: You're on!

No, we are not. Only Mr. Radish can do this show justice.

You can't leave now. We're the number one show!

But we need to go back to school.

Nah. I never did. And look where I am today.

But you're plastic, dude!

I've got it! Come on!

But what about the show, dude?

GUY: But what about the show?

There are plenty of needles left on the old dancing Christmas tree.

Ah!

(LAUGH MANIACALLY)

Bogus!

Do you think that thing ate Mr. Radish too?

No way. They don't eat frogs.

Yuck.

He left a note.

"Dear neighbors, I didn't survive the sweeps,

"but I know my audience is out there somewhere."

What's left?

Perhaps he's lodged on a UHF channel.

Hi, neighbors, and welcome to Really Impressive Discoveries.

I'd like you to meet my first guest.

Just a month ago, she weighed in at 1700 pounds,

but after trying our really impressive diet plan,

Go Fish For A Meal,

she's down to a size eight. Meet Greta.

I lost it all playing, Go Fish For A Meal.

I think I'm losing it too.

Oh, no! We have to save him!

I smell week-old peanuts!

I know you're hiding them! Feed me!

Oops.

Oh.

Don't get upset. We're only passing through.

Hey!

Where are you taking me?

Your place!

Where are they? Where are they?

Where are they?

This time, the dude has lost his body.

I think it's an improvement.

Where were you? I was about to rerun The Civil w*r!

We hunted down a most excellent guest! Huh, he's gone!

You can come out now!

(GASPS) He's gone.

Without even a most gracious thank you note?

(MR. RADISH SINGING A ROCK AND ROLL VERSION OF HIS THEME)

♪ It's an excellent day in condo here

♪ The non-heinous roof should hold out a year ♪

GUY: Radish!

It's the most excellent Mr. Radish dude to you, hyper-mechanical dude.

Excellent!

A most non-heinous hello to all my audience.

And now the most triumphant final chapter of,

The Little Train That Could.

Let us rock and roll!

Perhaps we made a most egregious error in judgment?

We've created a monster! How do we uncreate him?

Excellent!

Help us, Rufus!

I can't. But I brought someone who can.

Deacon! You're supposed to be sick in bed.

Watching your show made me even sicker!

I never said I liked fuzzy bunnies!

It was a joke, dude.

Who is this most excellent little dude?

A fan?

Mr. Radish, I've been home sick, watching you try all kinds of different shows.

You have?

I may be just a little dude

but I know you can't be happy if you're not yourself.

I am my most excellent self now, little dude.

Hardly. You're acting like my brother!

And nobody should have to sink that low.

Look. You're the best Mr. Radish there is.

And that's who you should be.

But nobody wants me to be me anymore.

Forget about everyone else. Do it for yourself!

Excellent! Uh, I mean, very nice.

All right!

BILL & TED: Excellent!

Outstanding insight, mini-bro!

You're turning out most triumphant after all, dude.

Hey, a kid's got to do what a kid's got to do.

I couldn't let you guys continue to embarrass me in front of the whole world.

And now, my little friends, gather 'round for Magic Story Time.

Today, we finally finish The Little Train That Could.

I never have found out if it can or not.

What's going on here?

As for you, little dude...

Better quit while you're ahead.

Wait, wait! You can't do this!

Outstanding!

Party on, neighbors!

♪ It's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

♪ A most bodacious, courageous team ♪