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01x07 - Cave Man

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Tales from the Cryptkeeper". Aired: September 18, 1993 – December 4, 1999.*
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Series details the Cryptkeeper telling more kid-friendly horror stories to the viewers, each with a teachable lesson.

01x07 - Cave Man

Post by bunniefuu »

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[Scary laughter]

♪ Happy cryptday to me ♪♪

♪ Oh, happy cryptday to me ♪♪

Yeah!

Hello, boils and ghouls.

I'm glad you could make it

To my cryptday party.

[Crash]

"Just a cheery cryptday wish"

To let you know we're

Trusting...

That each and every passing

Year will make you more

"Disgusting."

Awww, thanks, mom.

[Snarling and growling]

I'm dying to open my presents,

But I'll just have to wait

Until after our terror tale.

It's about another birthday

Boy who had to wait eons

For his well-preserved

Present.

I call it "the cave man."

Wow, that's new!

Aaah!

Aaah...

Aaah...

Peter, this is a surprise!

You're telling me.

Nice suit, dad.

Thanks.

It's for the cold.

The ice chamber must be kept

At a sub-zero temperature.

Why?

To preserve the greatest

Prehistoric discovery of all

Time.

Is that what I think it is?

A perfectly preserved

Neanderthal caveman.

Or, as dr. Orwell prefers

To put it, his one-way ticket

To fame, fortune,

And the history books.

Awesome!

Orwell wanted it kept

A secret... Even from you.

Sorry, dad.

I just wanted to let you know

What I want to do

For my birthday.

Peter, if dr. Orwell

Catches you here...

Perry?

[Gasp!]

Orwell!

Perry?

I'm unveiling the caveman

To the news media monday.

Monday?

But...

I want the entire display

Ready.

But that only gives me two

Days.

Don't mess with me, perry.

Do it, or you're finished!

[Door slams]

He's dangerous.

Forget him.

What about your birthday?

I was gonna say we could

Spend sunday at the amusement

Park.

Kinda like old times, but...

Sounds great!

You're on.

But the display.

It won't be easy, but it'll

Be done by saturday.

That's a promise.

Hey... Uh... Dr. Perry, i-is

This a flora or a fauna?

For the last time, fauna

Means animals, flora means

Plants.

Uh... Flora?

Yes, over there.

It's finished!

Dad, it's truly a modern-day

Miracle.

Especially with the help

Orwell hires.

So, we're all set

For tomorrow.

You bet!

Watch it with that tree!

We're meeting with the board

Of directors first thing

In the morning.

Get your files together.

Our plane leaves in two hours.

I can't!

Tomorrow's sunday.

It's peter's birthday.

I promised him.

I'm not asking you, perry.

I'm...

Fauna!

Aah!

Everyone is trying

To undermine me.

Everyone!

You're fired!

Flora?

Get outttttt!

I know you need this job,

Perry, but mess this up

For me, and finding a new one

Will be the least

Of your worries.

The car's waiting.

I only hope my son

Understands.

Nowwwwww!

It's not fair.

Why does dad always pick

His job over me?

I hate orwell for making him

Choose.

And I hate you for starting

All this!

I can't believe I did this.

Whew!

The caveman!

I-i melted him!

It couldn't be.

Ah-aah-ah!

Wha...

Ah-aah-ah!

No!

Aah... Whoaaa!

Eek!

Ah-aah-ah!

[Gulp!]

H-h-hi.

Hey, cut that out!

It tickles.

Awesome!

Ha-ha-ha!

Hungry, huh?

Sorry, guy, you cleaned me

Out.

I guess being a cave-sicle

For a couple of

Hundred-thousand years must

Really build up an appetite.

Boy, dad's not going

To believe you.

Gee... Dad.

Dah?

Heh-heh... Yeah, dah.

He won't be back until

Tonight.

What am I going to do

With you until then?

Why not?

We've got the whole day, so...

First I'll get you something

To eat, then I'll show

You what you've been missing

All these years.

Can you say "happy birthday?"

Happy... Burt-day.

This is gonna be awesome!

All right!

The early birds beat

The crowds.

Ticket, please.

Thank you.

Step right up, folks!

Try our new tofu dogs!

Free samples!

Eeeeee!

You bet!

Go ahead, help yourself.

Huh?

I think he likes them.

[Gasp!]

[Burp!]

He's cleaned me out!

You said they were free.

Hmmm!

Uh-oh!

The nerve!

Oh, oh, take that!

Oh!

Okay.

This is the way it works.

Bodacious burps are okay

With the guys, but adults

Don't like it when you...

Ooof!

Sorry.

You made me drop it.

No I didn't, you just...

So you're going to eat it!

Look, I'll buy you another

One, just...

I... Said... Eat... It!

Heh, yeah?

So what's your problem?

Grrrrrr!

Whoaaa... Ooof!

Why you...

You can't toss people

Around like that.

No, it's got nothing to do

With your style.

Aaah!

Ooof!

Aw, we'll be in line

For hours.

Ah...

H-h-hey, what?

Hey, buddy!

Grrrrrr!

[Gulp!]

S-so, is this a good ride,

Or what?

We'll let you know.

Ha-ha-ha!

Come on, tough guy, test

Your strength.

Come on, tough guy, test

Your strength.

Come on, tough guy, test

Your strength.

I'll be back.

I'll be back.

I'll be back.

Yes!

[Children cheering]

Well, that's the last of them

Except this.

Who should we give this one

To, pal?

[Toy squeaking]

I guess you're sort of missing

Your family.

I mean, they're all gone,

And now... You're kind of all

By yourself.

Yeah, you and me both.

I mean, I've got dad, but...

I think he really does care

More about his job then

He does about me.

Nah, it's okay.

You keep it.

Again?

'Fraid not, pal.

It's getting late.

We'd better be heading back.

Ah-aah-ah!

Huh, where'd you go?

Oh, no!

Again!

Again!

Hang on, I'm coming!

Oo-oo-ah-ah!

Hey!

Wha...

Hey, what's going on?

Where are you going.

Oh, no... Dinoland!

Arr-rrg!

Hold it!

Where's your ticket, junior?

You don't understand.

I gotta get through!

This is an emergency!

Washrooms are the other

Way.

Let me through.

Huh?

Arr-rrg!

Arr-rrg!

Grrrrrr!

Wowww!

What a show!

Ain't this dinoland great?

Ohhh...

Whoaaa!

It's okay, it's only

A costume.

Huh?

Pete... Pete!

Ah-aah-ah!

Oh, what now?

Cool it, it's not a real

T-rex, it's...

Ha-ha-ha!

It's only cardboard.

Car-bor?

Yeah, car-bor.

Awesome!

[Crowd shouting]

There he is!

Uh-oh... We gotta get

You out of here.

Come on!

After them!

Whoaaa!

There they go!

[Crowd shouting]

Get 'em!

Not this time, pal.

Come on.

No!

Huh?

We gotta get you out

Of here.

Try over there!

Wha...

What do we do now?

Huh?

Hey!

Whoaaa!

Whoaaa!

[Grunt, grunt, grunt].

Get him!

Grrrrrr...

[Crowd gasps]

No, don't do it!

[Crowd gasps]

Go, yes, go!

Yes!

Awesome!

Like no one else.

[Crowd gasps]

Well, we made it, pal.

I don't know what's going

To happen now.

I'll talk to dad, but my guess

Is that orwell will end up

Putting you in a zoo

Or something.

I wish it were up to me.

You'd better stay here 'till

I can explain.

Stay!

Listen, orwell, I don't

Know what you're talking...

You've been plotting

Against me from the start,

Haven't you, perry?

Don't be ridiculous.

I've hardly had five minutes

With my son since I started

This job.

Go get em, dad.

But that's finished,

Understand?

As of now, peter comes first.

In other words, dr. Orwell,

I quit!

Yes!

Of course, because all

You ever wanted was to rob me

Rob me of my fame!

Dr. Orwell, please!

My fortune!

My immortality!

I'll show you what happens

To those who get in my way.

Nooooooo!

Peter, no!

Ooof!

He didn't do anything.

It was me.

I turned up the temperature.

I was angry.

But I came back to fix it,

Only the cave... Man...

Arrrrrr... Whoa!

Whoa!

Grrrrr...

Come on, dad.

Come on!

I'll be okay.

Thanks, peter.

Well, my men checked

Everywhere.

No sign of this orwell fellow.

I've never seen him like

This before.

I've got an a.p.b. Out

For him.

We'll find him, but

If you hear anything...

Don't worry, sergeant,

We'll call.

Heh-heh... I'll tell you one

Thing.

I sure wouldn't want to bump

Into this guy on a dark night.

Well, dr. Perry, I suggest

You go home and get some rest.

I will, sergeant.

Thanks.

Ready, peter?

Yeah, sure, dad.

Well, at least this way you're

Safe from orwell.

Goodbye, pal.

Thanks.

Sorry I missed

Your birthday.

How can I make it up to you?

You already have.

Over there.

Thanks.

Hey, dad, any sign

Of the old boss?

Nope, and I'm not looking.

Great.

I mean, how's the new boss

Doing?

Well, the board

Of directors are pleased that

I took a few extra weeks

To really make this display

Something.

Yeah, real awesome, dad!

And what a difference

A competent workman makes.

Good, huh?

He's great!

Strong, never gets tired,

Never says a word, and best

Of all, he has a real feel

For this display.

Great!

We still on for tonight...

Amusement park?

Nah, I thought maybe a ball

Game.

Whatever you say.

We've got the whole weekend.

Just give me a minute.

I guess this is the only

Way.

I mean, you're a caveman.

What could you have done here

In the real world?

You know, there's something

That just doesn't look right.

[Toy squeaks]

Huh?

Peter...

Ball game's waiting!

Yeah... Uh... Coming, dad.

Well, peter certainly got

What he wanted for

His birthday.

But as for orwell, you might

Say he's out in the cold.

Hee-hee-hee!

Perhaps after he's done

Cooling his heels, he won't be

Such a drip anymore.

Now that really takes

The cake.

Ha-ha-ha-ha...

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