02x07 - The Haunted Mine

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[Scary laughter]

♪ Oh, give me a crypt ♪♪

♪ Where the moldy walls drip

♪♪

♪ And the ghouls come up

Through the floor ♪♪

Howdy, cow boils and cow

Ghouls.

Welcome to tombstone,

My favourite town.

It's not the liveliest place,

But certainly says somethin'

For old worm charm.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Huh?

[Spurs jangling]

Hmmm...

Move on, scare-iff.

I'm taking over this show once

And for all.

This show's not big enough

For the both of us,

Vaultkeeper.

I'm giving you 'till sundown

To be on the next hearse

Leaving town.

Heh-heh-heh-heh!

[Gasp!]

Ohhh...

Heh-heh-heh-heh!

You won't get away

With this, vaultkeeper!

Tough talk, scare-iff.

But like they say, when

The going gets tough,

The tough get...

Ooof!

Troughed.

Tonight's chilling tale is

About a city slicker named

Dale, who discovered that life

Begins at six feet under.

Especially if you happen to be

Furry, fanged, and lurk

In the dark caves and caverns

Of... "The haunted mine."

So, you moving in or just

Passing through?

Ha-ha-ha!

Moving in?

Ha-ha-ha!

That's a laugh!

Nope, I'm moving my aunt melva

Out.

Melva?

Well, you've got your work cut

Out for you.

There you go.

Filled up with super.

Uh... Can you change

A hundred?

Tell you what, why don't

I just throw in the truck

Stop, and we'll call it even.

Ah-heh... I got a better

Idea.

You just keep the change.

Moving melva?

Ah-heh... Good luck!

Aunt melva!

Aunt melva!

I'm not going!

Ohhh... Now, aunt melva,

We've been through this.

Way out here in the middle

Of nowhere is no place

For a single woman.

It's not safe!

Aaahhh!

What you really mean is

That I'm too old to take care

Of myself.

No, aunt melva,

I mean... Dangerous.

This could have happened

To you.

But it didn't.

It happened to you.

Might want to get your leg

Outta there before he chews it

Off.

Chews it off?

Aaahhh!

Who... What?

Ooof!

[Dog growling]

Buster?

Heh-heh... The old mutt's still

Kicking?

Uh... I-i-i mean, um...

Buster might not be the dog

He once was, but his one eye's

Still pretty good.

And he's not totally deaf, are

Ya, boy?

Are ya, boy?

Are ya, boy?

Ha-ha-ha!

And he can always hear this.

When he gets himself lost,

This always helps him find

His way back home.

[Blows dog whistle]

[Distant crash]

[Gasp!]

Whoooaaa!

Dang fool's trying

To reopen the mine.

Oooh... That's some whistle!

It's not the whistle.

It's the new owner,

Nick... What's-his-name?

Dang fool's trying to reopen

The mine.

Yup, it's haunted, you know.

D-did you say haunted?

Come on.

I'll tell you about it

Over a bowl of stew.

Yup, haunted.

No other way to explain it.

It was 40 years ago, but folks

'Round here remember it like

It was yesterday.

They were going deeper than

Ever before.

The bones were only

The beginning.

Aaahhh!

Ohhhhh!

They began hearing strange

Sounds.

Aaahhh!

And catching glimpses

Of ghostly shadows.

And then, one by one,

The miners

Began... Disappearing.

[Gasp!]

Finally, convinced that

The mine was haunted,

They sealed it up...

[Dynamite blast]

Under tons of solid rock...

Until today.

[Howling]

Aaahhh!

Ooof!

Aw, you haven't touched

Your stew, dale.

I was thinking we should

Turn in.

Get an early start packing up

Your things in the morning.

I ain't going, dale.

But, aunt melva, it's

A nice, clean apartment right

Downtown... Running water,

Electricity, bars

On the windows, double locks,

The works!

Humph!

They don't allow pets, do

They?

Um... Uh...

Pets?

Yes, pets!

Buster.

Let me tell you something,

Dale, buster's all I've ever

Had since... Ever since devon

Crabtree left me standing

At the altar!

Aw, that was a long time

Ago, aunt melva, and he didn't

Leave you standing

At the altar.

Good night, aunt melva!

Just promise me, dale.

What?

Promise me I'll be able

To keep buster!

Ohhh... Good night, aunt

Melva!

Well, I ain't going!

[Door slams shut]

[Dog whining]

A-aunt melva?

Go back to sleep.

He's just wandering again.

Buster!

[Dog yips]

Aunt melva?

Aunt melva!

Aunt melva!

Aunt melva!

Aunt melvaaa!

Oh, great!

It's not just the dog that

Wanders off.

[Gasp!]

I knew something like this was

Bound to happen!

She's too old to be out here

In this... Th-this... Th-this

Wilderness!

Huh?

Yaaahh!

Oh, it's not enough

The neighbours have to play

With expl*sives.

They park right in the middle

Of the... [Gasp!]

[Gasp!]

Help!

I need help!

Anybody!

Where is everyone?

Uhhh... No phone!

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh!

You?

Dale.

June.

Boy, am I glad to see you,

Dale!

You have a strange way

Of showing it, june.

Sorry, but everything's

So weird.

First the blast from the mine,

Then the noises, then everyone

Starts disappearing.

Just like aunt melva,

But... Whoaaa!

Aaahhh!

Uhhhh!

Ooof!

[Gasp!]

[Gasp!]

Whatever you fell into is

Gone.

It was a mine shaft.

A mine shaft?

The explosions must have

Unsettled the ground

Over them.

Let's go!

There must be hundreds

Of shafts running

Under the entire area.

What almost happened to me

Must have happened to aunt

Melva and the rest.

So they're somewhere

In the mine!

Let's hope.

Quick... Turn around!

What?

The mine's the other way!

Oh, it's awfully dark

In there.

Ooof!

Ohhh...

Shhhh!

It's... Uh... It's the ground

Shifting, that's what it is.

What's that?

Um, maybe it's gophers.

You know, big gophers.

You have really big gophers

In the country... [Gulp!]...

Don't you?

Run!

June, this way!

[Gasps!]

But... What are they?

Friendly?

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh...

[Cough, cough, cough].

Aaahhh!

Wh-wh-who are you?

Used to call me... Used

To call me... Slim!

Hmm... Was a miner.

Got stuck down here when

They blasted 'er closed up

Top.

You've been trapped down

Here for 40 years?

Wheweee!

Long time, 40 years...

'Specially with no company.

But now, you and the dog came

Visiting both in one day!

Dog?

[Dog snoring]

Lonely no more.

A-are the others down here?

You have to help me find them.

Good chance the cave

Critters got 'em.

Yummmmm...

[Gulp!]

Just follow old... Slim!

And don't make a sound.

They're alive!

More than we're gonna be

If the cave critters hear ya.

The dynamite blast must

Have broken through

The bedrock allowing them

To escape their natural

Subterranean habitat.

They work their way up to just

Below the surface and grab

Their victims.

Well, that's the way

They did it in my day.

Don't see why they'd change.

That dog's letting the cat out

Of the bag!

Doh... Dog, no!

Ohhh, noooo, we're lunch!

Not old slim.

Hah, varmints can't get me

Here!

I'm with you!

No, not this one!

It'll never hold!

Oh, nooo!

Aaahhh!

[Crash]

I told ya it wouldn't hold

The both of us.

Lucky for us!

Come on, we can climb out!

The only place I'm going is

To help buster.

How could ya leave him up

There?

He can't have gone very

Far, even at half his age.

What about the others?

They must be down here

Somewhere.

Forget 'em.

We got our own problems.

There's hundreds of them!

This way!

Hurry!

But what about buster?

It's too late, aunt melva!

Melva?

One step closer, whoever

You are, and you won't have

Any teeth left.

Ah-ha!

It is you, as feisty as ever!

Well, cut off my legs

And call me shorty!

Devon?

Devon crabtree?

Devon crabtree?

You're the one?

But you said...

My friends call me slim,

But not my melva.

I'll call you a lot

Of things for running off

And leaving me, you stinky old

Man!

Now, watch who you're

Calling old, melva peterson!

Just like always, you're

Jumping to conclusions before

You hear the whole story!

Oh, both of you save some

For the cave critters...

C-creatures... Wh-whatever

They are.

Look!

Come on!

Not that way.

Don't ya know anything?

He knows not to make

Promises he can't keep, ya old

Geezer!

Now, that's enough,

You old... Geezette!

Oh, will you two stop it?

We'll never make it!

Just never you mind,

And don't step on that stick.

What stick?

Why?

I... Can't rightly remember.

Hah, that's why!

Old slim spent his time

Booby-trapping the whole

Place.

Just can't remember where

I put 'em.

Always did have a part-time

Memory.

Even forgot to come back after

Ya run off.

Keep that up, and I'm not

Gonna bother explaining

Anything to ya!

Cut it out!

Take it nice and easy, ladies.

You taking it easy, june?

You bet, melva.

You?

I am worried about those

Two.

They should act their age

And slow down.

Maybe they don't like

The bugs.

Bugs?

Heh-heh... Don't say bugs.

I-i got... I got this thing

About insects.

Heh-heh-heh...

Then don't look up.

Yeowwww!

Is that a tick?

Ahh... Get it off!

June, wait up you two, wait

Up!

What's that?

[Gulp!]

Yaaahhh!

Who are you?

Who are you?

Nick, where are the others?

W-with me.

Thank goodness!

Nick's the new mine owner.

Look, the entrance!

It's straight ahead!

Come on!

Go!

Hurry!

Come on!

No, dale, I'm not leaving

Without buster.

Oh, forget the mutt, aunt

Melva.

Save yourself.

Nope, buster and me are two

Of a kind, dale.

If you're set to leave him

Down here, then you'd better

Leave me, too!

Buster!

Here boy!

Buster!

Buster?

Listen to me, aunt melva.

I know you don't want to hear

This...

Buster!

But buster is finished.

H-he's old, decrepit, even

If he did get out...

Buster!

How much time does he have

Left?

He's better off where he is.

My whistle!

Oh, forget the dog whistle,

Aunt melva.

We're surrounded!

[Blows dog whistle]

The whistle!

It hurts their ears!

They can't stand it!

But like it or not, aunt

Melva, I'm responsible

For you.

Put me down right now!

I'm not going anywhere

Without buster!

Aaahhh!

Get him, buster!

[Blows dog whistle]

Oooh!

Aaahhh!

Yeowww!

Okay, everybody back!

[Dynamite blast]

Ladies and gentlemen, this

Mine is closed... For good.

Yaaayy!

You did pretty good... For

A city boy.

Yeah right.

We both know I wouldn't be

Standing here if it weren't

For aunt melva and slim,

And especially a half-blind,

Half-deaf, arthritic old hound

Dog.

Guess just because someone's

Old doesn't mean they're

Helpless.

What are you grinning at?

Gabnobbit, woman, don't ya

See?

I got stuck down there working

To buy you an engagement ring!

Well, why didn't you say

So?

[Gasp!]

Funny what you can find

Being underground for 40

Years.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Well, now I guess I've got

A good reason to stick around

Awhile.

I mean, someone has to give

The bride away.

♪ Well, often you'll meet ♪♪

♪ Something dead on their feet

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Ohhh... What... Ooof!

Oooh...

Hee-hee-hee!

Just like you, vaultkeeper,

Dale dug up more than

He bargained for.

So until next time, remember

The good ghouls always win.

Oh, I say!

What... Hey...

Happy wails!

Ah-ha-ha-ha...

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