02x10 - Uncle Harry's Horrible House of Horrors

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[Scary laughter]

[Screaming]

Ahh... Grizzly greetings,

Fitness fans.

Sorry for all the noise,

But there's nothing like

The scream bath to smooth out

The wrinkles.

Hee-hee-hee!

As you can see, since I've

Checked out, I occasionally

Check into a fitness spa

For a little "r'n'r"...rest

And rigor mortis, that is.

Hee-hee-hee!

Ahh... This is the afterlife.

This place has everything...

Scare master, dreadmill.

My therapist, pall bearer,

Says, there's nothing like

A good massage to keep the old

Embalming fluid flowing.

Hee-hee-hee... [Gasp!]

Yikes!

Wait a second!

You're not pall.

Vaultkeeper!

Still trying to steal my show?

And there's nothing you can

Do about it this time,

Cryptkeeper.

Behold, my new

Stretch-o-matic.

Prepare for a workout you'll

Never forget.

Just a little adjustment,

And...

Something to be said

For a low fat diet.

Away we... Huh?

Ooof!

Uh-oh.

Uh-ohhh.

Curses, foiled...

Again!

So, while the vaultkeeper

Stretches his legs, today's

Fiendish fable is about uncle

Harry who let the years bury

His funny bone and turn him

Into a grumpy old dead-beat.

I call it..."Uncle harry's

Horrible house of horrors."

I'm not saying it twice.

I told the kid he gets one

Ride and then we go home.

Oh, harry.

We could have all had

Double helpings at the "pork",

"Pickle and pie" for less than

What these crooks are

Charging.

Oh, now, harry, don't fuss.

After all, it's jeremy's

Birthday, and we're here

To have fun.

Well, jeremy, it's

Your special day, so you lead.

Okay, aunt dorothy.

Okay, okay, I want to go

On this one.

No, no, wait. Let's see.

First I want to go on this

One.

No, no, wait.

Let's see.

Okay, okay.

I wanna go on that... No, no.

Let's see.

First I wanna go... No, wait,

Hey, no.

Okay, no, okay, okay.

Wow!

The zipper dipper!

No way!

Your aunt dorothy and I are

Not about to peel you off

The pavement.

Harry.

What?

Everyone knows they just slap

Those things up over night.

All it takes is one loose

Bolt, and splat!

You're as good as pavement

Butter.

Harry.

Okay, okay, the fun house.

I want to go on the fun house.

Can I go on the fun house,

Uncle harry?

Can i, huh, can i, can i?

Humph, the fun house.

What's fun about walking

Into walls and mirrors?

Ha-ha... You can do that

At our house.

Hmm...

Forget it, you're gonna

Hurt yourself, kid.

How about the rotor?

I don't even want to know

What that is.

Merry-go-round?

Isn't that for girls?

Hmm...

Wow!

How about a game, uncle harry?

What about a game?

Can I play?

Please, please, please?

Huh, can i?

Huh, huh, can i?

Why?

You can't win, it's fixed.

Believe me, kid, there ain't

Enough water in that p*stol

To pop any bal...

Woo-hoo!

We have a winner.

Right here, ladies

And gentlemen, right here

We have a winner!

Well, they... Heh,

You know, they have to give

A prize to someone to make it

Look honest.

I'm telling ya, dorothy,

They pay kids to walk around

With those toys.

Cool!

No need for candy floss, son.

I guarantee your teeth'll rot

Soon enough by themselves.

You know, harry, it

Wouldn't hurt if you tried

To have some fun for once

In your life.

Hah, fun.

Life is not fun and games,

Dorothy.

It's work, more work,

And if you're lucky, a couple

Of disappointments sprinkled

In between.

But jeremy's just a child,

And it is his birthday.

Humph!

What does that have to do

With anything?

Cool!

"Have your fortune read"

By delna.

"Computer printout provided."

What do you say we all go

In and have our fortunes read?

Yeah!

I've got a better idea.

Why not let aunt dorothy go

On ahead and amuse herself

With this nonsense, and we'll

Catch up with her later.

Ahh...

Ha-ha-ha!

Now there's a perfect scam.

Hmm...

Those people might as well

Just burn their money.

Hah, these carnivals are

A wolf in sheep's clothing.

Ooof!

[Gasp!]

[Gasp!]

Whoa!

Aaahhh!

What in sam hill...

Wowww!

Awww...

That's it, uncle harry!

That's the ride!

That's the ride I wanna go on!

Hold it!

Let's go, uncle harry.

Come on, let's go.

Haven't you been listening

To a word I've said?

When it comes to rip-offs,

This place wins top trophy.

You promised, uncle harry,

One ride for my birthday,

And this is the one I want.

Then...

Then we can go home.

Okay.

All right!

But as soon as it's over,

We go home!

[Thunder sounding]

Wow!

You're gonna be

Disappointed.

Yeah, I know, uncle harry.

But this is gonna be great!

Look, uncle harry.

The sign says:

Yeah, right.

That's just their way

Of saying you're not getting

Your money back when the ride

Breaks down, which more than

Likely... Ohhh... Will happen.

I'll bet it'll be real

Scary on the inside.

I'll bet it will.

If it's anything like

The outside, it's

About as scary as your aunt

Dorothy's meat loaf...

Which can be pretty scary,

But still...

It'll be so scary!

I bet you'll even have fun,

Uncle harry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Aahhh!

Neat!

What you got there is

A string of christmas lights

Painted green.

Look out!

Hah, just some fake fur

Glued on top of a cheap

Plastic head.

[Gasp!]

Ha-ha-ha!

Hah... And it's even missing

An eyeball, for crying out

Loud.

It's an even bigger

Disappointment than I thought

It would be.

Look, uncle harry, we're

Going to the next level.

Of what... Boredom?

Wake me when it's over, kid.

Hey, how come we're going this

Way?

Aaahhh!

Waaahhh!

[Gasps!]

Wow!

Where are we now, uncle harry?

Near the end, I hope.

[Gasp!]

Aaahhh!

Wow!

Boy, do they look real!

Hah, real.

They're just styrofoam... Uh,

Thingies, ya know... With

Little computer sound chips

In 'em.

Wha...

Uh, simple, really.

Aaahhh!

But what steams me is these

Broken wires they're hanging

On leave 'em close enough

To poke a person's eye out!

Look at that!

Wow, are they ever weird!

Wow!

Wax... It's all wax.

Pretty cool wax!

What the... [Mumble,

[Mumble, mumble].

Wet and slimy

And everything!

Why, i... Uh... It's... It's

It's... It's just not

The fancy dripless wax, that's

That's all.

They should turn the heat down

In here.

Whoa!

Aaahhh!

Wow!

Make it say that again, uncle

Harry!

Ohhh!

Har... Ry.

Aaahhh!

It's just a... A... B-balloon

With a funny air leak.

Any... Heh-heh... Anyone can

See that, yeah.

Oh, no way!

Cool... Wild!

You should see this cool lumpy

Thing!

Aaahhh!

It's so gross!

I... I can imagine.

Ha-ha-ha!

Cut it out, uncle harry.

Ha-ha-ha!

Aaahhh!

It tickles.

Aahh!

Ohhh...

Aahh!

Aahh...[Mumble, mumble].

Cool!

Gee, I wonder what's coming up

Next?

Cool!

Is this the best, or what?

You having fun yet, uncle

Harry?

Wow!

I wish aunt dorothy was here.

This is amazing!

Whoooaaa!

Ooof!

Ha-ha-ha!

Cool!

Ha-ha-ha!

Whoa-ha-ha!

Wow!

Aaahhh!

Ohhh!

Look, uncle harry, look!

You'll never believe it!

Ya don't... Don't need

To be afraid, jeremy.

Wh-what's the worst that could

Happen?

Big, gross, big dead guys

Headed straight for us!

That would have to be it.

No way!

Are they wax, too?

Huh, huh?

Are they?

Wow!

Aaahhh!

Doesn't he?

Ohhh... Jeremy, no!

Aaahhh!

Kinda reminds me of your aunt

In the morning.

Whoa... What... Ooof!

Uncle harry!

The sign said... To remain

In your seat... At all times.

Aw, it's over.

Huh?

We're there?

Ha-ha-ha!

We made it!

We made... Aaahhh!

Cool!

Wow!

I wonder how we're gonna get

Past that?

What do you think, uncle

Harry?

I-i think... I think we're

Done for.

We've had it, and there's

No way out.

Poor jeremy, you're so young.

We'll never see dorothy again,

And we'll never get out

Of this aliiivve!

Aaahhh!

Wow, that was so great,

Wasn't it, uncle harry?

Wasn't that the best?

Uncle harry, are you okay?

What did you think was

The best, uncle harry?

The bats, or what

About the cemetery, and those

Creatures that carried

You around?

Liked the swamp the best.

The green lumpy thing was

Neat.

Wasn't that swamp the best?

Uncle harry?

Aaahhh!

Harry?

Dorothy, you wouldn't

Believe it.

There were bats flying, real

Bats.

And this swamp full of weird

Things.

And the arms.

Tell her about the arms, uncle

Harry.

Yeah, the arms.

Th-they... They were all

Over me.

And they were on

My head... A-and I couldn't

Stop 'em.

And then there was this

Cemetery!

The dead guys rose

From the grave, aunt dorothy!

And one of them was trying

To pull me out of the car!

But the sign says to stay

In your seats, didn't it,

Uncle harry?

Yeah, but before that, this

Giant tree branch sucked me up

And spit me out again!

I don't remember that.

It chewed up my hat!

Look!

Tell her about the end,

Uncle harry.

Tell her about the end.

Oh... Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a pendulum... Swinging

Back and forth and back

And forth.

It nearly got us, dorothy,

I swear it did!

Hmmm.

Dorothy, you have

To believe me!

I-i know how this sounds.

It sounds like two

Six-year-olds who have just

Had the time of their lives.

We sure did!

It sure was great, uncle

Harry!

I knew you'd have fun.

Fun?

But the creatures, th-the

Bats?

The bats were pretty good.

What did you say they were

Made of?

Styrofoam?

[Evil laughter]

It wasn't... Real?

Of course not.

It doesn't matter.

We still had fun.

I did?

I think you did, harry.

I have to admit it, i-i

Really was scared, ha-ha!

I mean, how silly.

A... A crazy haunted house

And I was scared, ha-ha-ha!

Things jumping out at me,

And... Booga, booga, booga...

Ha-ha!

I thought... I thought it was

Real, ha-ha!

Can you imagine that?

Ha-ha-ha!

How ridiculous, ha-ha!

Booga, booga, booga!

Ha-ha-ha!

I did have fun, ha-ha!

But... Young man, a promise is

A promise.

Time to go home.

Just kidding!

Just kidding, ha-ha-ha!

Go home?

Are you kidding?

I'm just getting warmed up!

All right!

Oh-h*, yes, sir!

Okay, okay, okay!

I wanna go see this.

I wanna go see... No, no, wait

A minute.

I wanna go see...

So, the fortune teller was

Right.

Okay, okay, okay, we can go

You know what?

The...

Zipper dipper!

Ha-ha-ha!

Come on, kid, I betcha

I can beat you there.

Hurry up, come on, the last

One there's a rotten egg!

The ability to enjoy life

Is measured in the depth

Of one's imagination.

So, by forgetting

About being a groan-up, uncle

Harry remembered how to have

Fun again.

By simply using his

Imagination, he turned

Something ordinary

Into something special.

Aaahhh!

Guess whooooo!

Okay, class, follow me.

Eye of newt and hair of dog,

Let's cast a spell while

We jog.

Get those knees way up high.

Hocus-pocus, goodbye, thighs.

I've heard of scare-obics,

But this is ridiculous.

Hey, you're not cutting

My class, crypty.

Yikes!

Hee-hee-hee!

Oooh...

Eye of newt and hair of dog,

Let's cast a spell while

We jog.

Get those knees way up high.

Hocus-pocus, goodbye, thighs.

Vaultkeeper's

Stretch-o-matic, that way.

Huh?

Squash courts, this way.

My pleasure.

Well, as they say, that's

About the long and the short

Of it.

So until next slime, boils

And ghouls, keep that

Imagination healthy.

Hee-hee-hee...

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