Zombie Wedding, The (2023)

[bunniefuu]

[haunting orchestra music]

[upbeat jazz music]

Shake your little body

Let your tail do the

Trotty and a vroom, vroom

-[crowd screaming]

-[glasses shatter]

Shake your little body

Let your tail do the trotty

Please, stop.

Zack, we gotta do

something, stop.

[flesh tears]

Elsa Wolf for Weekly World News,

this groundbreaking wedding

between a human and a zombie

was going smoothly

until the Morgan Family.

You're gonna make a story?

I can be your headline, baby.

[Elsa screams]

[Frank] Get up outta here.

[zombie screams]

Hey, don't mess

with me, Reverend.

Stay calm.

No one is in danger.

I told you all to

behave yourselves!

[can sprays]

[arm flops]

[Reverend] Lordy, I love

this weddingalingaling.

[church bell rings]

We're just gonna start?

-Yeah.

-Great, great.

[crew] Take one.

That boy found in a cave,

baby, Parks, Lake Michigan,

gluten k*lled the Dinosaurs,

Weekly World News broke these

and countless other stories

that the mainstream

media ignored,

but this, this story

captivated the entire nation,

the first ever

human-zombie wedding.

Oh, we scooped them all

with a story that was wild

and absolutely true.

It all began last September.

[comical band music]

We have to all come

together on this.

This is extremely

detailed, Ashley.

None of us have the three

months it's gonna take

to go through it all.

Well, I like to be

very thorough, mayor,

and there is a ton of potential

for economic development

here in Vineland.

Well, why don't you just

give us a brief summary?

I mean, come on.

I gotta get outta here.

I gotta get to

the costume party.

Yeah, and I wanna be

home before Christmas.

You know you're gonna

have to present this

to the town council next week.

What?

Oh, [chuckles nervously]

I can't.

I'm really bad at

public speaking,

and I hate being the

center of attention,

'cause I'll melt.

I'll crumble.

-I'll die.

-No, no, no, relax.

Don't worry about it.

Come to my office tomorrow.

We'll go over the

whole presentation

and have a sip of your coffee.

I have something I wanna say.

I love you. [group groans]

No.

-Not again.

-I do.

I-I will...

love you...

eternally.

Let it go, dumbass.

We went to the prom together.

No, she went with Dave Brady.

If you mess with

her one more time,

I'm gonna grind your

bones to dust, got it?

Got it, got it.

Ashley, oh, Ashley, Ashley.

[Ashley] Hi, hon.

Hey babe.

[Ashley] Drive, please.

How was work today?

-Can we go?

-Oh wait, Koko's there?

[Ashley] No, no.

Oh, ah, come on.

What's up, man?

You're looking cool

like a chicken.

We gotta go

ax-throwing sometime.

[guys chuckle]

Please, please, don't do it.

What are you?

Oh, okay, okay, back up.

-It's good seeing you all.

-Bye, yeah.

What's wrong with you?

Can we go?

Yeah, sure thing, honey.

-I'm making five figures now.

-Stop.

Hey, do you think

anybody's gonna recognize me?

It's me.

Yeah, if you don't talk.

[rhythmic R&B music]

Why do you talk to Koko?

You know what he's

been like to me and.

Oh, but he seems harmless.

I don't know.

I feel like you should

stand up for me.

Okay, yeah, I'll do that.

Oh, I got the Pensa

Trucking account.

I'm gonna come up with

the best billboard

for Pensa Tucking

they've ever seen.

I'm happy for you.

-What is that?

-[intimidating orchestra music]

Hey, Halloween's a

month away! [laughs]

I love this time of year.

You're supposed to

be the walking dead.

Get moving.

[zombie growls]

[Brick] The town mailman

got the virus first.

John Malley, patient zero.

[Ashley] I'm hungry.

Why'd you take me to a cemetery?

[Zack] I've been coming

here since I was a kid.

I wanted to show you.

[Ashley] You brought

me here before.

I need to get a chalupa, get

home, and get busy panicking

about reviewing my presentation

with the mayor tomorrow.

[Zack] Isn't it beautiful?

[metal creeks in the distance]

Did you hear that?

[eerie orchestra music]

[Reverend] Zack Porter,

Ashley Morgan.

Hey, Rev.

Ash, let's put our hearts in

each other's hands for life.

Yay, God!

Is this a joke?

Jesus don't joke in a cemetery,

unless it's a carpenter joke.

What's a carpenter's

favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails. [laughs]

Rev, life is passing us by, Ash.

I want you to be my always.

-So will you?

-[religious organ music]

I'm feeling the spirit.

Of course, I think so, yes?

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Are we doing this now?

I wanna elope, but I'm sure

I'm ready for this yet.

The world deserves

to see our love.

[Reverend] I now

pronounce you engaged.

Congratulations, my sweetheart!

You too, dear.

Are my parents here?

They should be.

I told them eight o'clock.

Hallelujah, hallelujah

It's seven.

Oh no. [chuckles]

My bad.

Well, they'll find

out soon enough.

Let's dance for the engagents.

[giggles]

[Nikki] Let's go, monkey boy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait up.

I thought I was going

to a costume party.

Oh, well, you believe all

the stupid crap I tell ya, huh?

There you go.

You look better that way.

[Mayor] Where we going?

[Nikki] Engagement party.

[Nikki] Come on, we're dancing.

Now hold mommy up.

[menacing jazz music]

My heels [indistinct]. Yeah.

[shouts]

[zombie growls]

[calm rock music]

Look at you. You got sandwiches.

Oh, it looks delicious,

and I have to tell you,

I just love what you've

done with your home.

I think it's gorgeous.

I have a gift.

Well, let's talk turkey.

I was the county sheriff for

over 25 years where we used

to live in Possumville,

Arkansas.

So I'm right at home

at taking charge.

So am I.

Oh, tough cookie, I like that,

but I'm the father.

So it's my duty to take

full responsibility

of my lovely daughter's wedding.

By the way, I want to tell you,

we are so very sorry about

the loss of your husband

in that zoo accident.

Thank you, Betty.

It feels like yesterday.

Sad.

But I have some very

important connections

here in Vineland.

I'm a proud member of the Elks

Club for the last 15 months,

and they have agreed to allow me

to use the Vamoose

Hall for the wedding.

Daddy, no.

No?

But I know it's not Taj Mahaly,

but it is pretty

dang comfortable.

That place smells like

whiskey, feet, and wh*re.

Ooh, you're hilarious.

It's got five beer

stations and a slop kitchen

and one of those big,

hunking, ceiling fans,

and we'll decorate it all up

all jiffy-loo with banners

and balloons and

streamers, the works.

Balloons, look, I'm in a

very fortunate situation here,

and I can substantially

contribute to this wedding

and make it

extraordinarily beautiful.

Well, that would

be very kind of you.

Negatory, I aims

to do what's right.

I'm the only man here in

these circumstantials.

Ergo, we are gonna

have the wedlock

at the Maple Avenue Elks Club,

and it is going to be the

biggest day in the histories

of my princess and your boy.

Buddy Bob, thank you,

but let me say this

as plainly as I can.

[awkward orchestra music]

My son is never, ever getting

married at the Elks Club.

Hmm, well, well, well.

Who wants to see our moat?

I'll see a moat.

Never seen a moat.

Sounds great.

It's better than being here.

[upbeat jazz music]

What kind of world

are we living in here?

The CZC claims that the

current zombie outbreak

was caused by bedbugs.

-Bedbugs?

-Governor Stevenson

-is sending the National Guard

-That's absurd.

-to secure surrenders.

-Bed bugs can't turn you

into a zombie.

Vineland could be in

lockdown in a matter of weeks.

[Frank] Is that your

professional opinion?

[anchor] If you ask me, viewers,

that's a total waste of time.

Okay, does anybody wanna

know what really happened,

-Contain zombies.

-anyone?

-Zombies do what zombies do.

-Of course.

So somehow, bedbugs

got into a fruit bowl,

which got eaten by some chickens

who got eaten by raccoon

who bit a mailman causing a

strange and contagious virus

that he transmitted to his

family at a quinceanera,

virus spread, mutated,

and voila, we got zombies.

And who the hell are you?

Wow.

-Run.

-Frank Lake, everyone.

Just got here.

Used to work for

the New York Times.

Nothing but liars and

scoundrels over there,

and I don't talk to interns.

Intern, okay.

What she is not mentioning

is that I'm a photographer,

and I've won two Emmy's, two,

and she and I used

to live together.

Don't throw your

resume in my face.

Pensa Trucking pulls it best?

Penza power pulls your load?

Thank you.

Whatever, it's my last day.

Penza power push.

-[worker screams]

-[glass shatters indoors]

-My leg, my leg!

-[zombie growls]

[triumphant horn blows]

[Brick] This viral

outbreak was so strange

that some in Vineland didn't

even notice what was happening.

[worker mumbles] No,

stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

-No, no, it's my last day.

-[zombie growls]

No, no, no, no, stop,

stop, stop, stop!

[comical pop music]

I'm a softy. [chuckles]

[zombies growl]

We're surrounded, run.

No, no, no. [screams]

Oh, that tickles. [screams]

This beddy bug virus is

taking a turn for the worst.

I got me some deep concerns.

I gotta keep you and your mama

in the house at all times,

the Buddy Bob Bunker.

We'll be fine, Daddy.

We don't have any bed bugs.

And we never will,

'cause I'm gonna k*ll

every last one of them.

I'm putting them all on notice.

Daddy, please let Mrs.

Porter honor her dead husband

for me.

You know I don't like

being second fiddle,

especially when it comes

to my darling daughter.

You are always my first fiddler.

You have given me so much,

and now you can give

me my dream wedding.

How can I say no to you?

As long as you promise

me you'll let me put

together our

father-daughter dance.

[Ashley] Oh, but you

don't dance, daddy.

I surely dang do.

[tropical bongo music]

Grab my hand and turn her

around and then we do a dip.

They're coming!

Help me! [zombie growls]

I'm not gonna be

able to dip you, daddy.

-That was my last day.

-We go around. [laughs]

Oh, I'm afraid my son

wouldn't be caught dead

in that hideous thing.

Well, you know something?

Quite frankly, you

don't have a say,

because my daughter

is the bride,

and the bride makes all

the fashion decisions.

I do believe I'm paying

for this whole thing, Betty.

[gargles] There you go again

throwing it back in my face.

You know something?

You can forget it.

We're just gonna do

this at the Elks Club

with the way Buddy Bob wants.

Oh yeah?

You do that and I'll have my

son call this whole thing off.

No, you wouldn't dare.

I would double dog dare.

My baby does whatever

I tell him, always.

You know something?

That's a little strange,

'cause it's a little

strange to raise mama's boy.

That hair dye

makes you look fat.

Ooh, I think that what

the kids would say,

you've just been shaded.

You know something?

You got no right.

You got no right, shorty, boom.

[comical orchestra music]

I'll see you later

at the Elks Club.

Ma'am, how much is this jacket?

[Cindy] Don't you

dare, Betty Rubble.

[Betty] What'd you

say, Stuart Little?

I can't hear you.

Do not ring her up!

[Betty] Get in your

boat and try to row to me.

[Cindy] Do not ring her up!

[Betty] You can try to get

on your leaf and row to me.

[Cindy] I swear to

God, if you ring her up!

[Betty] Float in on your norita!

[worrisome orchestra music]

I'm glad our parents

are talking now.

We should think

about our freedom,

our freedom to do what we

want instead of worrying about

what our parents want.

Well, I love my parents.

I do too.

I just think that maybe we can

move away for a little bit.

We can go somewhere

new and exciting,

like Peoria, Illinois.

Move?

No, I've never

been anywhere else,

and I've never

heard of that place.

We can go somewhere else

like Reno or Tulsa, St. Louis,

somewhere sexy and different.

We can open up our own

advertising agency.

Mom and daddy, I told

them that I would never move

more than five miles

away from them.

We're adults now, though.

We gotta spread our

wings a few years.

I love Vineland.

It's my home.

You gotta take risks sometimes.

I've never done that before,

and you've never

left Vineland either.

Now's the time.

[Kelly] I can't believe it's

only 21 days away. [giggles]

Here's to the shortest

engagement in history.

Sapabacka shots. [imitates horn]

My dad was thinking

getting an Arkansas jug band.

What do y'all think?

Oh, and I was thinking

maybe daphadils and lilies

and petunias from the--

My mom was thinking no

flowers for the wedding.

Flowers are for funerals.

It's your wedding.

You're supposed to

ignore your parents.

Remain calm.

No one's gonna harm you, and

you will not harm others.

[triumphant horn music]

[Brick] Cumberland County

brought in the legendary

Sue Wee

as chief zombie control

officer.

You don't have to shout.

I'm not shouting.

I'm giving orders.

Get your brain substitutes.

What? You don't make no sense.

CZC created brain

substitutes in the eighties

so zombies would stop

attacking citizens.

We got 'em all here in Vineland.

Oh, that does not

sound like a good thing.

Listen, honey, we've got 21 days

and our town shuts

down completely.

[groovy jazz music]

So Please go to City Hall,

get your free brain

substitute now!

They probably put tracking

devices in those substitutes.

It's simply a brain substitute.

If you wanna live amongst

humans, you gotta take it.

Otherwise, I'm gonna be forced

to put you into

zombie quarantine.

We're dead Americans,

and we got rights.

This is an emergency situation!

[group talk over each other]

Woo, woo

Everybody say woo, woo

-[zombies growl]

-[yells]

Remain calm!

Do not harm others.

You will be harmed.

[Zombie In White Dress]

You call that running?

-Please.

-Oh sh*t.

[Ashley] Our wedding

is gonna be perfect.

Don't even sing in the shower

or you'll scare your neighbors.

Instructions for y'all

are on pages 52A to 66B.

Hey, aren't you concerned

about the zombies?

Oh, they're not contagious.

Don't believe what people say.

No, those creepers destroyed

our comic book store,

not chill.

Yeah, I mean, I'd wait to

get married if I were you.

Let the virus disappear first.

True love waits for no

one, Kelly, you'll see.

All zombies need to die.

We got so many plans.

We're gonna be moving

to Toledo or Detroit.

-What?

-Wait,

you didn't tell me this.

We just decided, almost.

Detroit is a fabulous town

for artists.

You aren't artists, and

Detroit died in the seventies.

I'm losing my

relationship coach.

What about our hockey team, man?

You're our best mediocre goalie.

Relax, relax, everyone.

It's just gonna be

for like a little bit.

15 years max.

What?

Yo, yo, whoa, bro.

Isn't that something

that you would tell me?

Well, you know, Ashley and

I are an unbreakable love pod.

I want a pod.

We had to do what's best for us,

but a toast to everyone's

bright and shiny future, y'all.

I'm really gonna need

to have sex tonight.

Charity's closed, sorry.

[chaotic rock music]

-[group screams]

-[zombies growl]

-[can sprays]

-Run! [screams]

Oh, Zack, they got me!

Tell my story!

Ashley, I love you!

Zack!

[Zack screams]

He left me at a

UFO site in 2019.

He's always been about

himself and his Emmy's.

She was too busy

flirting with a rancher.

Your insecurity

feeds your imagination.

You licked beer

off of his mouth.

Enough!

Are you two hooking up?

It's a no-go at

Weekly World News.

I'd rather jump

into a wood chipper.

You two are the

only ones available.

So do it or you're fired.

Got it?

The Jersey Zombie

uprising, come on.

That can't be real.

The government says it is,

and we have to confirm it.

This is the world's

only reliable news.

Zombies are truth.

I'm an award-winning

investigative journalist.

I'm an award-winning

investigative journalist.

How long do I have to

be stuck with Frank?

Till you win a Pulitzer.

Hang on.

You'll need these.

[upbeat jazz music]

Frank.

Do whales really exist?

I'm not sure.

They don't.

This might not be a normal

apocalypse, sweetheart.

Zacky might not have

gone full zombie.

I just want my old Zack back.

Move on, princess.

He's zombie.

The Zack you knew, poof, goner.

We built our whole

future together.

We were gonna start

a company, renting RVs,

start having babies.

You were gonna have babies?

Yeah.

How many?

Billy, Bucky, Bubbly,

Bambi, Bunny, and Betty Jr.

Beautiful.

Oh, well, he's a

memory now, pumpkin.

He's the shell of a human.

I know it's a disappointing

turn of events,

but you go out there and you

find someone who's alive.

Somebody who can properly

breed with a Morgan.

-[zombie growls]

-[intense rock music]

-[yells]

-Daddy!

[vase shatters]

Oh my God.

Did I just k*ll Zack?

That's not Zack, sweetheart.

Zack is much taller

and this fella has

a nicer haircut.

He is a zombie, and I'm

not, and I'm so confused.

All I know is

I miss him bad, Mama.

I really wanted

to meet baby Betty.

[worrisome orchestra music]

Zackery Porter, I don't

care what you've become.

Your days are numbchucked.

[cat screams]

I need to see my groom.

Stay away, okay?

You can move to

Detroit on your own.

You can start a new life.

You have my permission.

We're gonna go there together.

Wake up, Ash-head!

He's not going to marry you!

I won't allow it, okay?

I'm gonna take care

of him from now on!

My Zack is dead to you!

Do you hear me?

-[zombie growls inside]

-Is that him?

Oh, hey, that little b*tch.

[sad piano music]

Oh, Zack, my love.

I'm so sorry this

happened to you.

Don't love me anymore.

Protect yourself.

We can handle anything together.

Isn't that what

you always told me?

Except if I turn into a zombie.

I'm not totally perfect either.

You're damn right you're not.

Get out, you gold digger.

You were never good

enough for my Zack.

He's a superstar, and you're a--

you're a--

you're a--

a Morgan.

[gasps]

[growls]

Ashley, Ashley!

Stay right there.

You've changed so much

I don't know how to feel

or what to think.

I mean, just look at you.

I know you're afraid, and I

know this doesn't make sense.

I mean, I know I'm kind of dead.

You're all dead, and

my heart is breaking.

My feelings for

you haven't changed.

I just have these

uncontrollable urges.

I could never be

close to you ever again.

I would never hurt you.

You just bit your mom.

Because she insulted you!

I just want things to go

back to the way that they were.

It's all been ruined.

You're the greatest

thing that happened to me.

My life changed when I met you.

My dreams came true

when you said, yes.

All I want for whatever time

I have left is to be with you,

to keep you safe.

Is that crazy?

I'm just gonna be afraid

that you're gonna attack me,

eat my brains or my face.

I'm afraid you'll sh**t

me and bash my brain in

with a baseball bat.

Marriage is scary like that.

We give ourselves, our whole

life, to the other person.

We trust them with it, but

nothing in life is guaranteed.

Sounds kind of dumb in

these circumstances, huh?

You could never

sound dumb to me.

What do we do now?

Are we rolling?

Okay, does this

virus really exist?

Do zombies exist?

Nothing makes sense

with this virus.

The people of

Vineland are confused

and don't know what to do.

A lot of people are

talking about those zombies,

but I haven't seen one.

They're a myth,

like the Jersey Devil.

Population control, that's what

this is all about, control.

I don't know about

these zombies,

but the zombie control officer

gave me some of this stuff,

and it's gonna put a

hurting on them suckers.

They're gonna close

Cumberland County in 10 days.

If I were you, I'd

get the hell out.

Save yourself.

This is Elsa Wolf

for Weekly World News.

Got it.

[Sue] Do not look

them in the eye.

You know, we really should

make a beeline out of Vineland.

-When you see them, sh**t.

-We don't wanna get trapped

here forever.

And under all circumstances!

We need to interview them.

We got trouble, ready?

-Ready.

-Ready.

Come on, Frank!

[Frank] Right behind you!

Excuse me!

Damn, they're fast.

[triumphant horn blows]

[Brick] These zombies weren't

like any you've seen before.

Even my crack investigative

team became confused.

-It's sad.

-[zombies moan]

The locals shouldn't be

subjected to all this nonsense.

What?

It's true.

There are zombie crawling

all over this town.

Right, and I bet you think Elvis

is walking around here too.

I'm hungry.

Let's go get some of

those polish burritos.

[zombie growls]

[screams] Take him, take him.

I'm too pretty. Take him.

[chaotic rock music]

Go, go, go, go.

[Elsa] Get out of the

way, rip your head off.

[car engine starts]

I'm calling Brick.

I'm not dying in New Jersey.

No, you're not leaving here

until we get the full story.

-Okay, go, go, go.

-[zombie growls]

-[screams] Okay, okay, okay.

-[screams] Go, go.

Go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go!

I don't need two

Emmy's to tell me

that that's a scoop, Frank.

Now you stay there, and you

get the hell to the bottom

of whatever's going on.

Listen to me.

If you two come back without

all the cold, hard facts,

I'm gonna see to it

that you get sent out

to cover those

Kentucky cannibals

that are reading each

other's glizzies.

That's right, what?

Good.

-[eerie electronic music]

-[UFO beeps in the distance]

They came for me, for me.

We have been talking

about this for five months.

Look, look, look, I

appreciate everything you do.

You're really good at your job,

but we need to

tighten up the budget.

I got responsibilities.

You have been hiring

half your family,

and I know there's

room in the budget,

and you know I'm

your best worker so.

Yeah, right, all right.

Listen, why don't you just

talk to me about this a month

from now, and we'll

see what happens, okay?

Oh, oh, stay back.

-Get back.

You best stay back

before I knock you

all the way to Philly.

Come on, come on.

I trained Rocky.

-Come on.

-I'm sorry.

No, no, it's me, Zack.

Well, I don't care who you

are, you freaking zombie.

-Stay where you are.

-Yeah.

I just have a question.

Look, I am loyal to Ashley,

but I will not hesitate

using this thing.

That's right.

Don't mess with her.

Don't mess with me.

I heard there was a

cure or an antidote.

Is it true?

Well, you know, there's rumors,

but you know how the feds are.

You don't know

what the truth is.

Is it true?

How the hell would we know?

We work for Vineland,

not the CZC.

Right, right, right.

So why don't you just crawl

back to wherever you freaks come

from and hey, kid, give

Ashley a break, huh?

Let her go.

Get outta here.

You should have whacked him,

put him out of his misery.

You know what?

I'm gonna whack you if you

don't gimme that raise.

Oh!

Just saying, just saying.

Yeah, all right.

Say hello to your mother.

[Nikki] I will.

So that's kind of

definitely what I want.

Princess, go get

yourself some Mountain Dew.

That'll give you a

jolt of sense you need.

Thanks for understanding, daddy.

I'd rather stab

myself with a bull spear

than let you marry a zombiero.

This is not love, honey.

You've got a touch of the virus.

And you've got

your mother's heart.

And your cousin Chad's brain.

I'm gonna find you a nice

human like that boy, Koko.

I will defend my

daughter at all costs,

and our grand babies.

Baby Betty.

Zack cannot darken

our door no more.

I knew you would say that,

but I am 29 and three

quarters years old.

I have a great job

and okay friends,

and yes, I've always

wanted the perfect life,

but I want Zack too.

Sweetie, his whole body

is one ginormous, stinky,

puss-filled wart.

What kind of life is that?

How you ever gonna have babies?

He can't even, it is repulsive.

Not all zombies are alike, mama.

He still has his.

It is functioning perfectly.

[Buddy groans]

Where is your shotgun?

You harm one hair

on Zack's head,

and you will never see me again.

This is my wedding.

I will have my wedding

of my choosing.

Oh, this generation sure

likes to take dang traditions

and turn 'em upside down.

I will never attend

a zombie wedding.

Yes, mama, you will.

This is my wedding.

You will walk me down the aisle,

and we will dance our dance.

I know what's best for me.

This zombie virus is filling us

all up with dread.

I know it's gonna be hard,

but what marriage isn't?

She has got the love bug bad.

[chuckles] You remember

that, don't you, love bug?

Hush up.

I just bought you

a tongue scraper.

I will never attend a zombie

wedding, period, end of story.

I don't understand this one bit.

This fills me with perturbation,

but I'll honor my

princess's wishes,

and I'll cut my wedding

invite list to a hundred

and make sure this thing

goes off without a hitch.

Oh daddy, I love you.

I'll talk to your mother,

-Okay.

-and I'll get that Cindy

over here to discuss the plans.

Oh, that's not

gonna be possible,

Mother, don't worry.

I'll help you adjust.

If she didn't make

you sing karaoke,

none of this would've happened.

It's all her fault!

It'll be a beautiful

wedding, I promise.

You're going to speed

up the degradation.

I need brains.

Listen up, you flesh eaters,

you're not standing anywhere

near me at this wedding.

Got it?

Oh, please, we are

good zombies, all right?

Plus, we'll make you look

good in the photos. [chuckles]

I want to eat your brains!

I'm just kidding. [laughs]

Okay, all right, funny.

No offense, but you

guys are the ugliest,

grossest groomsman ever.

Ouch, listen,

listen, listen, listen.

We come in peace, okay?

We want to join you guys in

making this a very special day

for Zack and Ashley.

So we just hope that you

guys will behave yourselves.

You know what?

Does anybody else think the

world has gone completely mad?

[crowd] We do.

Thank you.

[upbeat jazz music]

Sounds good, man.

Oh man.

Food, food everywhere

and not a drop of it to eat.

-Oh, oh my God.

-Oh, oh, is that Chad?

Oh no.

-Oh, that's--

-Wow, that's rhythm,

-a rhythm.

-That's gonna hurt--

Yeah, for sure.

We should probably go get him.

Yeah.

[worrisome jazz music]

[triumphant horn blows]

[Brick] Confusion

turned into chaos.

There was even a

wedding conspiracy.

Family members were plotting

to put a kibosh on

the whole thing.

We need protection.

We were just attacked.

If you don't send security,

we're coming back tomorrow.

We've already been here a month.

[Brick] You've

been there two days.

Eight days.

[Brick] I will not

hesitate to replace you.

You can't fire me.

I'm doing my job.

[Brick] Bring

back that Pulitzer.

I'm not winning a

Pulitzer for a zombie story.

Undead corporeal revenants

are pretty popular nowadays.

[Brick] Be a journalist.

Okay, all right.

If a zombie gets one bite out

of me, I am suing your a*s.

[Brick] Relax, you got Frank.

Frank protect me?

-He's useless.

-I just fixed your laptop.

[Brick] Stop whining.

I'll see what I can do.

Good, do that.

Check in on that.

Meanwhile, we'll stay put.

[Brick] Good and make

sure you cover that wedding.

Wedding, what wedding?

[upbeat orchestra music]

Frank, the father of the

bride is making a speech

at the first wedding between

a, get out of my way,

between a human and zombie.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Oh my goodness.

The stench is putrue.

[zombie farts]

-The story in this wedding.

-Hello, thank you.

- My beautiful Ashley,

-Excuse me, excuse me.

and she is the most

beautiful human being

in this whole, wide,

beautiful world.

-[zombie sniffs]

-Hey, hey, back off.

She's human, and she's gonna

stay human, dagnabbit. [laughs]

She's pretty too.

Now I want to assure you,

we have the best zombie

control team in America.

Thank you, Buddy Bob.

Straight from the CZC, the

Center for Zombie Control,

now here she is, Sue Wee.

We have fed the zombies

enough brain substitutes

to last for seven full hours.

So there'll be no biting.

There'll be no harm.

Now, even though

Zack is a zombie,

he's a heck of a lot better

than the d*adbeats Ashley used

to bring around. [laughs]

[rhythmic electronic music]

I'm watching you.

Keep it coming, keep it coming.

So you're not going

to attack anyone?

No, no, no, I am

stuffed, all good.

I'm sorry.

Ashley Morgan, sweet girl,

just not sophisticated enough

for my Zacky.

Did I tell you that I paid

for this whole wedding?

Oh, well, I love

people who are in love,

especially men who love

that I love loving

the men who love me.

This is all wrong.

The whole thing

is just all wrong.

[Betty gargles]

This is Elsa Wolf

with Weekly World News.

All right, enough.

It'll be a miracle if they

can pull this thing off.

All right, you're

gonna form a single line,

and you're gonna take your seat.

No funny business.

Don't talk to the zombies.

Keep it moving.

I'm not going out there

with those monsters.

They've all been fed

the brain substitutes.

I told you guys,

never trust government-approved

zombie food.

Please, do this for me.

I'm having a panic attack.

[Sue] We are here

to have a good time.

-You will not eat the humans.

-[zombies groan]

We got our eyes on you.

Hey, girls.

-[Kelly screams]

-Hey.

Girl time, girl time. [chuckles]

Ashley, now this is not

the grigio talking, okay?

This is coming

from my cold heart.

I've been rough on you,

but he's my baby boy.

He's all I have.

Does that make sense?

Does that make sense?

I dunno. [laughs]

But honey, the only thing

that separates me from you

is the money, the

status, and the money.

Did I say money? [laughs]

Carla, Carla?

-Kelly.

-Who is that?

It's Kelly? Kelly,

you look

nervous, sweetheart.

You know what?

I have a hug with your name on.

-Here it comes.

-Oh no.

[Kelly cries]

Here it comes. Here it comes.

I gotta hug with Kelly's

name on it.

-[imitates train]

-It's fine, it's fine.

She's been fed, she's been fed.

-She's been fed.

-I get a hug.

Coming around at the pass.

Here I come, here I come.

Yuck, I hate these chocolate,

cinnamon, curry-flavored ones.

Can't they just make

plain dried brains

without adding all

the other junk?

Keep it organic, man.

That's all we get

for right now, Jimmy,

but my mom promises

that Zombie Control

is gonna get us a whole bunch

of other kinds afterwards.

Just wait.

So which one of

your guests is single?

-Hey, down, Boy.

-Daddy's feeling thirsty.

[groans] You guys are so lucky.

I miss little Jimmy.

Well, maybe a new

one's gonna grow in.

Maybe two.

Yeah, ha, ha ha.

Yeah, I already

got two right here.

Well, howdy, fellas.

It's quite a crowd out there.

[whistles] You boys

clean up real nice.

Hey, I told you you'd come

around to love all of us.

What changed?

You fellas ever hear of Prozac?

This stuff will turn your

emotions right round,

get you straight in

the brain. [laughs]

I aims to be the best father

of the bride this

country has ever seen.

Hey, you guys want to try some?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[zombie moans] That's all right.

We don't do drugs.

Drugs, no sir.

This here is all

natural moody enhancers.

No takers?

Maybe later.

I guess we both got our

brain food, huh? [laughs]

Anyway, and I'm so glad that

you boys are on my bandwagon

to make this a magical event.

[zombie cracks, yells]

[Jimmy] Come on, pull

yourself together, bro.

[zombie cracks]

[religious organ music]

The zombies seem really mellow.

Stay focused.

Your only job is to protect

me from the rabid ones.

I stopped that alien from

abducting you in Arrowrock.

You were the only alien there.

[squeals]

Hello, gorgeous, are you

here for the bride or me?

[groans]

That woman is fire.

sh*t, damn.

-Move, cow.

-Hey, listen, you,

don't you dare be bumping your

little zombie button to me.

I will whoop your

little bony a*s.

Ooh, look, this is

me running. [laughs]

Well, let me tell you

something, miss funny Z,

and this is your last night

in this here town, girl,

because your little zombie a*s

is gonna be run

outta here by me.

You can bet your taco on

that, your little dead taco.

Honey, since I've been dying,

my taco's never felt

more alive, woo. [laughs]

Baby girl, you are

not going home alone.

[toilet flushes]

I promise with all my

heart till death, do we wed.

-Ash, you--

-[gasps]

You're not supposed to

see me until the wedding.

-Sorry, sorry.

-Go,

and you smell like that

lavender mist my mama gave you.

Yeah, well, 'cause

it smells like you.

I just wanted to tell you

what we're about to do,

it's gonna be

really hard on you,

and most would say impossible.

Don't do this to me.

We're gonna have to

be on our best behavior

from now on, Ash.

We have gone over

this so many times.

Everywhere we go,

people are gonna stare.

They're gonna say, how

could she marry him?

How will they live together?

What if they're right?

What if this is crazy?

I have made up my mind,

and you know how

hard that is for me.

Do not make me second

guess myself again.

I just, I'd

understand if you wanted

to walk away right now.

You deserve a life of happiness.

You are my happiness.

Yes, this is not like anything

that I'd ever imagined,

not even close, but I can't

live life without you.

Now I can't lose you

before I've even had you.

You see what you did?

Now I gotta fix my face.

[zombies growl]

[triumphant horn blows]

[Brick] It was a

sleepy little town

until those damn bed

bugs got ahold of it.

The government was hell-bent

on locking the whole place

down.

[man screams]

[religious organ music]

Lord almighty,

high up on Mount Smokey

where the lion sleeps tonight

and the moon is a jumping,

we are gathered for

the union of two souls

in holy matrimonial,

holy polynomial,

holy we-are-not-alonial.

Yay Lord, can you hear

the bells ringing?

Ring tingling, ring

Tingling, ring tingling

[comical jazz music]

[screams]

-Yay God!

-[crowd cheers]

Today, during this

glorious apocalypse,

we are heres to

celebrates the wedding

of a first ever human

being and a zombie.

[tape stretches]

Lord, it's time to get

down to the busyness

of the busyness at hand.

Hit it, organ grinder.

[haunting organ music]

[shutters]

[zombies groan]

[upbeat jazz music]

[grunts]

Alrighty, my flockers, the

zombie apocalypto is upon us.

-[religious organ music]

-[zombies groan]

It is time.

It is time.

It is time...

to shine.

[Betty] Smells like

dead bovine in here.

You must be smelling

your upper lip.

Now shut your face

before I bite it.

I'm gonna slam

your pie hole closed.

Glory-glory, let's get high!

As the wilting rose rises

and the burning man falls,

make room...

for the groom.

[chatter]

-My baby Boy.

-He's disgusting.

-My baby boy.

-You the man, go, Zack.

You the man.

May gentle winds blow your

frontal lobes. [imitates wind]

What the hell?

Ashley and I want to thank

each and every one of you

for sharing our special day.

Some of you are humans

-Amen.

-Thank you, brother.

and some of you are zombies,

but only together can we make

this world a better place.

Yeah, because the world

as we know it is over.

Mother, may I have peace?

Yes, you may, and

I am the mother.

I am the mother.

[Brick]

You look like a mushroom.

You look like a mother heifer.

You look like a mother

from another brother.

Enough, are we

getting married or not?

This is a ceremony of love.

We've got last rights for

a chicken in a half hour.

So we gotta keep it

quick, all right.

This must be hell on

Earth, it really must.

It smells like it next to you.

[scoffs]

-[religious organ music]

-Humans, zombies,

you know, love knows

no race nor color.

Love knows no rich nor poor.

Love knows no living or dead.

Love knows nothing.

-Oh.

-Yeah, true.

Love is an idiot.

[everyone laughs]

Let us commend these two

beautiful bodies and souls

to the mercy of God.

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

Ashley Morgan.

["Here Comes The Bride" plays]

Come on down!

-[engine whines]

-What is happening?

Please God, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, please, please.

No, no, no, come on, come on.

Hey, you okay over there?

My life's just over.

I'm gonna get fired,

and I just got hired,

because I'm supposed

to get these reports

to the mayor's office, but I

broke my mama's waffle maker

this morning, and my car

also broke down, obviously,

but I don't have

any money to fix it,

and also, I ate this

mushy banana this morning

that made my stomach

a little upset.

So yeah, I might as

well just like give up

and crawl in a hole.

Okay, well, I just spilled

all my blueberries in my lap.

So I think we're both

having a rough day.

I can get you where

you need to go.

Get in.

Really?

Yeah, we'll pick

your car up afterwards.

-[cheery orchestra music]

-Okay.

sh*t, I'm good.

[horn blows]

I'm coming.

Just finding the handle.

I'm good.

sh*t, sh*t, I'm good,

I'm good, I'm good.

Okay, oh my God,

this is amazing.

This is, we did it.

This is amazing.

Oh my God, you're amazing.

-[boxes clatter]

-Sorry.

Well, let's get

this to the mayor

so you don't crawl into a hole.

Okay, you got it?

Thank you.

Please don't do

this to your mama.

Please wait.

Betty, sit your butt down.

Back off.

If you want her to sit,

you need to give her a treat.

Anyone have a milk bone, anyone?

She's a B.

Thank you all for coming.

I'm bride.

[triumphant horn blows]

[Brick] The humans

were so numb from it all

that they were the ones

who looked brain dead.

Dearly departed, we will soon

confiscate these two beings.

[guest] Is he from Craigslist?

Our first reading will be, hey!

From the book of Zombolia.

[upbeat jazz music]

Don't be berating,

Don't be quaking

Don't be waiting,

You'll come undone

Dingaling adingdong,

Dingaling azingdong

Ding a little sing song

For the last time,

I am not dating an

unemployed dead artist.

Come into my

Graveyard, boo boom

Come into my

Graveyard, boom boom

Come into my

Graveyard, boom boom

Come into our

graveyard, boom boom

Come into our

Graveyard, boom boom

[worrisome orchestra music]

Acts Collection,

Dark Temptation, 2016.

I want reverend brain! [yells]

-[everyone screams]

-[haunting band music]

Sue Wee, more brain substitutes.

-[can sprays]

-Watch the spray, you idiot.

-Brain substitute!

-We need brain substitutes!

Just a bite, just a bite!

-Yes, yes.

-[zombies chew]

-[comical band music]

-Wow, that was divinity.

[blood spurts]

Just come shake it off.

We can shake it off.

Hey, maybe you'll get lucky,

and you won't go full

zombie, you know?

Not that there's

anything wrong with that.

Oh, God wouldn't

do me like that.

Shake it off.

-It gets better.

-Shake it off.

[Reverend] Shake

it off, shake it off.

The brain substitutes

aren't working.

What do we do?

We just need more of them.

Dealy bipartisans, we will

now crucify Zack and Ashley.

Come on, Reverend.

You gotta do the vows before

you do the crucifixion.

Right, I vow to

stop smoking weed.

It's starting to rot my brain.

[Guest 2] Yeah, no,

that's not happening.

Now the bribe and this shroom

will exchange their vows.

[rhythmic bass music]

-Ashley.

-Zack.

Whoops, I almost forgot.

If anyone objects, speak now

or forever be humiliated.

[groans]

-I object.

-[guests gasp]

It's a little too

late for that, Betty.

I will not let my

daughter marry that beast.

-[zombies growl]

-[cans spray]

All right this now!

c*ck hour,

reception hall now!

Wait, we haven't

exchanged her vows yet.

Safety first, drink booze,

not brains!

My God.

[haunting pop music]

[zombies groan]

[screams]

These brain substitutes don't

seem to be working at all.

Have they even been

approved by the FDA?

The CZC recommended them.

Trust those people in

positions of power.

The Lord has given us

the gift of flexibility.

We shall marry them off

at the reception hall.

We play and God decides, brains.

I would also like to say

hi to my Aunt Gertrude.

And when are y'all

two gonna get hitched?

Seem like the perfect

couple for nuptualizing.

And that's it for this segment.

Thank you so much, Reverend.

Enjoy the wedding.

This is worse than I

could have ever imagined.

-[groans]

-[dramatic orchestra music]

Are you feeling okay?

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

No, stay back, stay back, chew.

Stay away.

[upbeat band music]

[zombie mumbles]

No comprendo.

You needs to learn some

right propers English.

All right, we got a

ten five earned situation

on our hands.

Put a call in to zombie swat.

They're on standby.

Keep your eyes glued for the

zombies and only the zombies.

Take care of yourselves.

Stay safe.

Go, go, joo, joo, jees louis.

[upbeat jazz music]

[guests applaud]

Wasn't that the most

splendonderous ceremony?

I do believe the preacher

knocked it out of the park.

[laughs]

Now we will get to the vows.

Don't y'all worry.

Yay God!

But first, we going to

raise a little holy heaven.

Put your hand together

for DJ Cricket.

[guests applaud]

Hello, hello, hello, all

you zombies and humans,

you bloody wankers,

DJ Cricket here.

We're gonna send out

some jam for you for this

Ashley-Zack extravaganzo.

[groovy jazz music]

Hit it with the cricket.

Hit it with the cricket.

Hit it with the cricket.

Hit it with the cricket.

Hit it with the cricket.

Hit it with the

cricket, come on.

This is gonna be the wildest

reception you've ever seen

in the new world

order, but really,

I love bringing all

you freaks together.

Now let's get this jam started.

Here comes the wedding party.

[zombie cracks]

Now all you outrageous

humans and zombies,

here for the first time, maybe

the only time, [chuckles]

our still single

bride and groom,

Ashley Morgan and Zack Porter.

[guests gasps]

-["The Wedding March" plays]

-[guests applaud]

Our happy living-dead couple

will take the first trance.

[upbeat pop music]

Did I tell you I paid for this?

Paralyze

[guests applaud]

Everybody on the dance floor.

Let's go, you bloody wankers!

[growls]

I put my hands through fire

If it means to shield

You from the flames

I'll surrender to

Love when required

Always call my name

If I'm dreaming,

I never want to wake up

To a life without you,

Safe and in my world

Let's stomp, hot stuff.

I'm taken.

Paralyze

Paralyze

Bloody hell, that

was hot, hot, hot.

Weird, we have a couple of

amazing dancers out there

and a whole lot of God

awful ones. [spits]

All right, please

set your butts down

for the Reverend Crump.

Oh Lord of Zombaloony,

my gatherers, my reapers,

my luscious lambs of ivy, the

Apocalypse has finally come.

Hallelujah

Let us put our

forehead on the table.

Bless these foreheads.

Bless this cheese.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Stop right there.

Do you hear me?

-[can sprays]

-[screams]

I despise tax collectors!

I know where you work, fool.

Jacob, you're pathetic.

[upbeat pop music]

[guest 3] Are you on the menu?

-[food oozes]

-[guest gags]

[guest 4] Frontal lobe?

[guest 5] I'm still hungry,

[guest 6] Oh no, oh no.

[guest 7] More

brains, more brains.

[guest startles]

Right, right, settle down.

Settle down, everybody.

It's time for another

very special Transylvania.

The father of the bride

and Ashley have picked

a very special song.

-[upbeat country music]

-Come on, princess.

Let's show 'em what

the Morgans can do.

All good dance

For even a lot

There ain't no place,

No place to hide

Rounded by

'Round the spirit

No rhythm.

We got lots of

Eating inside

Just imagine

Make it happen

Come on, baby

This is how we do it

This is how we do it

And now joined by Buddy Bobs

very hormonal wife, Betty.

No more worries

Yikes, and they thought

this was a good idea? [laughs]

Sun is shining

Loud and away

No use in pretending

Everlasting joy in your eye

Minutes, hours, days, and

Weeks, romance and dancing

This is how we do it

This is how we do it

Right, let's heat the

family rumble going

with the groom and mommy groom.

[upbeat electronic music]

The moon casts shadows as

I wander through the night

It is not a stupid verse

We'll always be together

Losing you might be hard

but I know you must go on

Even though

It's good as gone

Our hearts will

Stay together

During as the

Stars will shine

In my heart

I hold your soul

Right, time to wake up the dead.

[zombies growl]

[Zombie] He looks like

he knows where he's going.

[best man] I know

that you're scared.

-You think?

-Well, we're scared too.

We don't know what we are,

-You're a zombie.

-who we are

or if there's an antidote

or a cure or not.

We don't even know if

we're gonna have a future.

Well, maybe that's what

it's all about, right?

Living for today.

Right.

Hi, I'm Ashley's

greatest friend.

I'm also single.

-Over here, Baby.

-[guest whistles]

You found a really great guy,

and he's dead and

a zombie and all,

but he is a sweetie.

Can't sh**t a basketball to

save his damn life. [laughs]

Oh, but the best roommate

a guy could ever want.

I love you, air ball.

He brings you dead flowers,

and he always has breath mints

ready so you don't vomit,

and it's nice that

you can still have babies,

because he donated

his sperm to get money

to buy comic books.

Ooh, not our finest

family moment.

And your soon to be

better half, Ashley.

Come on here. Bring it in.

Bring it in.

Oh, your hands are so soft.

I hope you always

remain human, Ashley.

But I hope you don't

have real babies,

because that's too creepy,

and you're way too pretty

to have zombie babies,

-and it's just--

-Hey Missy,

I'm gonna be a grandmother.

She's gonna have a zombaby

even if it kills her.

-Make way, make way.

-[comical band music]

[Ashley screams]

-Ooh, I feel alive.

-[blood spurts]

Damn it.

Now I have to

protect you, Kelly.

Hold up.

I am not there yet.

Don't make me use this.

Folks, folks, some of yous

are catching this virus,

and it's your own dang fault.

Y'all gotta follow the rules.

All right, you

gotta keep separated.

[triumphant horn blows]

[Brick] Sue Wee was

struggling to keep control.

She ate a brain substitute,

and it really messed up

her stomach.

[upbeat pop music]

[growls] Come on

this way, zombeciles.

Attention, I think it's time

that I toast my

precious angel, Ashley.

I remember the first

time I laid eyes on her.

The nurse came out and told me

that my little, precious

angel had arrived,

my little bundle of joy.

Now sure I was a tad upset,

'cause she wasn't a boy

to carry on that

proud Morgan name,

but when I looked into

those honeysuckle eyes,

I fell in love. [chuckles]

I wept like a child,

'cause I had never seen someone

so beautiful in the world.

Now, when I first met Zack,

well, I didn't like him none.

He a bit too squishy for

my taste, too arty-farty.

Yeah, it's called

sophistication.

But the way Zack keeps himself

from eating Ashley's brains.

Well, you've grown on me, son.

So let's raise a glass to

my precious angel, Ashley,

and my new zombie-in-law, Zack.

Here, here.

Hey, y'all, it is

time for Betty Morgan

to bring some dignity

to this here event.

I'd take a bite out of you,

but my doctor said I should stay

away from junk food, shading.

Oh, would you please, seriously?

-[worrisome orchestra music]

-[zombies growl]

Do you know that

we're in danger?

Are you aware?

We gotta keep this going.

-Okay, y'all.

-[bites]

-[everyone screams]

-Mama!

Why me?

-[haunting electronic music]

-No, stop.

My very first

bite, logs of a duck.

-[upbeat jazz music]

-[arm crashes]

-[women screams]

-[glasses crashes]

Stop, Zack, we gotta

do something, stop!

[sign crashes]

[flesh tears]

Elsa Wolf for Weekly World News,

this groundbreaking

wedding between a human

and a zombie was going smoothly

until the Morgan family--

You look to break a story?

I can be your headline, baby.

[screams]

[Frank] Get outta here.

If you wanted to join,

all you had to do was ask.

[Frank] Run, Elsa, run!

[best man] You wanted flowers?

I can pay for dinner.

I told you all to

behave yourselves!

Oh, you wanna bite me?

[zombie yells]

Hey, hey, don't mess

with me, Reverend.

Lordy, I love this

wedding-aling-aling...

zombelujah.

Ash, I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

Stay right there.

I don't know how

I could ever think

that we could bring our friends

and families together like this.

This world isn't

made for true love.

It is getting filled

up with anger and hate.

The virus k*lled love.

You are dead wrong, Ash.

Nothing in life is perfect,

doubly so in death.

Nobody has ever dealt

with a plague like this

in the history of New Jersey.

Everyone in the history

of the world has gone

through some

difficult situation.

It's all a mystery, Ash.

I mean, I still don't

know why I'm walking,

why I'm talking,

why I'm dancing,

but what I do know for

sure is that I love you

with every ounce of my being.

How am I ever gonna

be able to trust you?

[comical band music]

What are you doing? [screams]

It's okay, it's okay.

We're safe now!

We're not gonna make

it out of here alive!

Yes, we are. I'm gonna make

sure of it.

What?

You left the car keys

in the camera bag inside!

Stay here.

I'm gonna go get them.

No, no, no, Frank, don't go.

Elsa, I...

Not another word.

Ash.

[Buddy Bob] Well,

there's the groom.

I lost Ashley.

Well, she's

probably just needing

some think thinking time.

No, I scared her off,

and I feel terrible about

what happened to your wife.

Oh, you couldn't have

known what would happen.

It was a distinct possibility.

Good point.

Look, I made a promise

to care for Betty

for her entire life,

death, and now undeath,

and I always honor my promises.

So go find Ashley and make

those vows to each other.

Be happy.

Buddy Bob's on your side.

Thank you, Mr. Morgan.

Dad.

Thank you, dad.

[both chuckle]

Now go find Ashley.

Go find your bride!

Koko Bailey, it

is my wedding day!

Ashley, he's a fraud.

The whole family, they're broke.

Cindy lost it all on

the alpaca business.

Let go of me.

No, no, no, the city has

a big lien on their house.

He can't take care of you.

-Help!

-No, no, no, no, no.

Listen to me, there'll

never be an antidote.

Mayor Fanucci told me.

He's going to be

a zombie forever.

Why are you being mean to me?

Because I can't

let you marry him.

I'll never lie to you.

I will love you

in truth forever.

-Get lost.

-[Koko grunts]

Ashley, face it, I'm the

best you'll ever be able

to get now, huh?

Koko Bailey, I would

rather be a zombie

than ever be with you.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

No, Ashley, Ashley!

Why are you not calling me back?

Get out of there!

They're about to

close the whole thing

down within the next hour!

What the heck is going on?

Oh, I forgot how

good we are together.

Pulitzer prize.

[both laugh]

Why didn't we work out?

-[zombies growl]

-[upbeat jazz music]

[Ashley] Zack!

Ashley!

I wanna marry you!

I wanna marry you.

I'll never change my

mind, never again.

I wanna move, start our

new life somewhere else.

Doesn't matter wheres,

long as it's with you.

[Koko] Stop!

Stay away from

my soon-to-be wife.

[laughs maniacally]

She'll never be your wife.

Just ask her crazy Mother.

You're not worth being a zombie.

Ash, I want our always

to be here in Vineland.

-[content orchestra music]

-Just do it, please.

Ash, no, I told you I'd

protect you, even from me.

Make me a zombie.

We'll be the same.

Then we can live together,

and we won't have to worry

about our differences.

I love you the way you are.

It's the best way.

Please just bite me.

No, the only way

we're gonna make it

is if we stay true to ourselves,

live each day as a

gift to each other.

You're even more handsome now.

Come on, we have some

business to finish.

[upbeat jazz music]

Let's cut the brain cake.

Brain cake, I want brain cake.

Brains, brains, y'all.

Don't break the brains, y'all.

-I'm hungry.

-Brains.

-I'm hungry for brain cake.

-Brains, y'all.

I'm hungry.

Whooya, nice of

you two to show up.

All right, you

undeadly revelers.

Brains.

Brains.

Good night.

[guests cheer]

-Brains, y'all, brains.

-I like you better, Betty.

Would you two stop making

this about yourselves?

Who invited the fun police?

This is our day.

Grow up.

-Right, y'all.

-I feel better.

Move, move, move, move, move!

Let's get to the vows!

Let's get to the vows!

[groovy electronic music]

We'll hold these off.

They're coming in.

Zwat's on its way.

Come on, you crazy a*s zombies.

Give it your best shot.

I told you all that

my twinkle pie daughter

was gonna have the

wedding of her dreams,

and all of you monsters,

Zombies and humans alike,

are messing it all up!

[zombies groan]

I want some Buddy Bob brain.

Buddy Bob brains,

Buddy Bob brains!

Stay back.

I learned karate in high school.

I'll mess you up.

Reverend, stop right there.

I do not want to destroy

a man of the cloth.

Oh no, baby, God is on my side.

Amen to that, Rev.

Stop!

Everybody, please,

stop this now.

[sad orchestra music]

This is a very special day.

Why can't we all

behave ourselves?

Zack and I are in love, in love.

We have always been in love.

Yes, he is different now, but

he still has the same heart.

Well, he doesn't

have a heart exactly,

but you know, the

heart is not an organ.

The heart is love.

The world is changing.

Each and every one

of us are changing.

That doesn't mean we have

to lose our compassion,

our kindness for one another.

Zombies, being with Zack,

I know what it is you

go through every day.

I know that you need

brains to survive,

but I'm sure that

somewhere, deep down,

you remember what it's like

to be full human, don't you?

And to my fellow humans, we

have got to learn how to live

with people who do not

look or act like us.

I think we all need

to remember that.

Y'all need to learn

how to get along

with everybody on the planet.

We all just wanna be

understood, loved, right?

Look around, y'all.

Love is a zombie

wedding. [laughs]

Thank you.

Ash, I promise to

have and to hold you

from this day onward, to protect

you from any zombie attack,

to always wear air freshener

and to use mouthwash,

to love you unconditionally,

and to tear your head

off swiftly if you're

bitten by anyone but me,

and I promise to love

you until the sun dies.

Oh gosh, okay.

Zack, I promise to

have and to hold you

from this day forward.

I promise to always make sure

that you have a

belly full of brains.

I promise to turn the

TV all the way up,

'cause you are so deaf now.

Huh?

I promise to always keep

your leathery skin soft

and to never leave your side,

even if you fully decompose.

I promise to love you

until the sun dies.

Thank you.

With this ring, I thee dead.

[Ashley giggles]

With this ring, I thee wed.

You may now bite the bride.

[guests gasp]

Relax, Buddy Bob, just kidding.

You may now kiss the bride.

Thank you, Rev.

[guests applaud]

You go a little faster.

[militant drum music]

[car honks]

Yes, Frank and Elsa

made it out alive.

Then I sent them to cover alien

headhunters in the Amazon.

We haven't heard from

them since, but I'm

sure they're okay.

I was thrilled to accept

this Pulitzer on behalf

of the Weekly World News.

All of us at the Weekly

World News are basking

in our well-deserved glory.

Can you believe it?

Those two crazy kids

actually got hitched.

Now by the power

vested in my byline.

[crowd] Yay God!

May I present our beautiful,

crazy married couple,

Zack and Ashley Porter.

[crowd] Zombelujah!

-Until death do we party!

-Until death do we party!

[everyone cheers]

Yay God!

Freak out

Le freak, c'est chic

Freak out

Ah, freak out

Le freak, c'est chic

Freak out

Have you heard about

The new dance craze

Listen to us

I'm sure you'll be amazed

Big fun to be

Had by everyone

It's up to you

It surely can be done

Young and old are

Doing it, I'm told

Just one try and

You too will be sold

[Woman With Red Hair] Aw,

the wedding was yesterday.

What do you mean yesterday?

Good, I didn't want to go

to a zombie wedding anyway.

Zombies get married.

Let's go to dinner.

Le freak, c'est chic

Freak out

Freak out

Le freak, c'est chic

Freak out

Ah, freak out

Le freak, c'est chic

Freak out

[calm R&B music]

I won't ever

f*cking leave you

When they try to make me

I will not believe them

It's 'cause I believe you

Stupid and naive

I love you 'cause you feed me

Tell me, do I see you

Never happened

I'd a shot them

All I ever said

Was you was problem

Never leaving you

On your lonesome

Never leaving you

On your ownsome

Do you ought to know

What true love is like

Someone who don't

Know how to love

Light up your soul,

Keep you cold at night

The one that

You're thinking of

Is all you need

With all you have

And the only one you want

Doesn't come home

So it gets cold at night

Someone who don't

Know how to love

Do you ought to know

What true love is like

Someone who don't

Know how to love

Light up your soul but

Keeps you cold at night

Someone that

You're thinking of

Is all you need,

Is all you need

And the only one you want

Doesn't come home,

So it's cold at night

Someone who don't

Know how to love