02x04 - Business & Pleasure

[bunniefuu]

Brendon: action.

I never go
on blind dates.

Oh, me neither.

No, they're usually terrible.

Yeah, tell me about it.

One guy I was out with
got up halfway through dinner
and walked out.

Why?
Well, he was on furlough
and had to get back to prison.

Wow.

Well, you can be sure that
if I leave suddenly,

It's not because
I'm going back to prison.

Well, that's comforting.

Well, of course,
I won't suddenly leave.

I'm glad, because
I'm really enjoying—-

Oops.
——The,
this chicken.

Cut.

Jason, what are you?
What are you doing?

You're not in this scene
for like another ten minutes.

It's called,
um, background action.
Oh.

Brendon: action.

It's good chicken.

What do you like
best about it?

It's really funny.

But is it the kind
of chicken

That you would want to eat
again and again?

And again?

I think so,
but you know, I need—-

Oh, uh, you, uh,
are you ready to order?

I think we ordered already.

What was your order?

We ordered the chicken.
We had chicken.

Two chickens.

We already have them.

Oh——right.

Jason, you're not supposed
to come in yet.

I must be
at the wrong table.

Brendon: action.

Would you like to move in
with this chicken?

Well, I think so,
but you know,

First I need to know how
the chicken feels about me.

Do you have any ideas?

Oh, I think this chicken
would be very—...

Uh, uh, complimentary
three bean salad.

Where does it does it say
that waiter comes in

With complimentary
three bean salad?

It's a tradition
of the restaurant.

Yeah, I never go
on blind dates.

Oh, me neither.

More water?
Jason.

I never go
on blind dates.

Oh, me neither.

I mean, they're
usually terrible.
Yeah—-

Sizzling fajitas
for the both of you.

Prepared at your table.

This isn't going well,
is it?
No.

This will only take a minute.

But it's not a scene
about a waiter, jason.

Brendon, but it can be.

What, what if it's called
"waiter minute."

"Waiter minute."

You know, brendon,
I could also be more

Than just the waiter.

We'll work on something
for you next time,

But right now, the movie's
about me and melissa.

Wait a minute.

I, um, just had a super idea.

What if, um, you came over
to my house tonight

For a sleep over.

A sleep over.

Yeah, we can play,
um, game—-

Jason, jason, you know,
I don't think we should

Be mixing business
and pleasure.

Brendon, brendon.
It's not about that.

Well, it's um, you know,
just um, the two of us,

Fun and games,
sleep over,

Catered.

Jason: and I have a pool.

And um, um, I have,

I have a hang glider
so you can go, um,

Go hang gliding.

All right, jason.
Okay.

I'll go to your house.
Okay.

And I'll eat your food
and I'll swim in your pool

And I'll play with your toys,

But I will not
discuss work, okay?

Brendon, brendon.
Done.

No work talk.

Okay, good.

This'll be great.
Brendon: okay.

You can have, um,
you can have top bunk.

Oh, bunk beds.
Uh, what, do you have a brother?

No, it's my father.

But I'll find it,

Paula: I'm really good
at this sort of thing.

Finding smells.

Yeah, I once located
a three—week old

Peanut butter sandwich
in brendon's t—shirt drawer

Just by sniffing
the air outside his room.

Well, you know I once
found a banana peel

In the garbage just,
just by sniffing the garbage.

Two weeks ago I found
an apple core

In brendon's underwear drawer.

Hey, I once——i once found
a needle in a haystack.

You win.
Eric: okay.

Anyway, eric,
the reason I called,

I was um, I was wondering
if you needed any help.

Finding smells?

Paula: no.

I mean at your work.
At your office.

I was, I was let go
at my school.

Well, I am so sorry
to hear that.

Did you hear it?

Why is it always the good
people who get hurt?

Yeah, you know,
it's the budget cuts.

No, no I'm asking you why
it's always the good people

Who get hurt.

It's no big deal.

No, that's, that's awful.

I'm guessing.

I've never been fired
from a job myself.

Wow, you're lucky.

Well, so are you.

Paula: why?

Uh, I mean, I guess you're
really not that lucky.

Uh, I don't really know why I
said that you were lucky.

And unfortunately, I don't need
any help here.

But I do have connections.

Connections?

Sure, I've sold houses
to some

Pretty important
business people.

Some, some not so pretty.

Eric: let me make
a few phone calls.

That'd be great, eric.

Thank you so much.

No, don't mention it.

Well, I better get back
to finding my smell.

Okay, I'll let you go.
I, I mean, in a good way.

Jason: I thought you knew
that when I said, "pool,"

I meant very little pool.

Hey, it's all right.

And at my neighbor's.

It's okay, jason.

More lemonade?

Oh, no thanks.
No thanks.

Oh, another cheese ball.
Fresh out of the can.

Four is my limit.

Pigs in a blanket?
Uncooked.

No thanks.
I am stuffed—ola

You're funny.

It was a good day,
huh, brendon?

Very good, yeah.

Yeah——didn't talk about
the movies once.

Not once and that was great.

You bet—ola.

Yeah.
You bet.

You know, it's funny,

I was just thinking
how much I like melissa.

Oh, yeah.
She's a great kid.

She's——yeah, very——
——she's great.

Great, great kid.

She's fantastic.
But a bad actor.

Oh, jason.

Brendon, I'm just saying.

She's been um, you know,
struggling lately with her work.

Jason, look,
I don't want to have

This conversation
right now, okay?

Brendon, we need to do
a different movie.

I mean, the romantic comedy
is dead.

Nick nolte and julia roberts
k*lled it.

No, it's not.
Okay, well, I do agree with——
but look...

Brendon, we should do a buddy
picture starring me and you.

Like "midnight run"
or "midnight cowboy"

Or "midnight express."

Yeah, i...

What about, um, two guys
who bust out of prison

Then gets jobs as prison guards
in the same prison.

They busted out of—...

It's called "irony."

Forget it, jason.

I can play someone
with split, uh, personality.

Hi, this is george.

Look, jason,
you promised...

Hey, george.

Hi.
Brendon: jason—

What are you doing today,
george?

Nothing.

Jason, you promised you wouldn't
talk about this stuff, okay.

That's, that's why I agreed
to come over here.

Jason left, this is
george talking now.

Look, I'll see you.
Don't leave.

Jason.
George.

I'm going home.
Oops.

It's over,
I'm calling my mom.

Brendon, what about,
um, sleeping over?

We violated
the agreement,

Brendon: and i—i can't—

Jason: see what you did, george?

Brendon hates us now.

Jason, you're giving me
the creeps.

Hello?

Jason: i, uh——

Hello?

Is brendon there?

Jason.

Yeah, I mean, um, hello...

Jason, what are
you doing up

At four in the morning
calling my house?

Jason: sorry.
Maybe I should call back.

Paula: maybe you should
go to sleep jason.

I'm not really tired,
mrs. Small.

You ever heard of a little thing
called melatonin?

Well, I have probably different
circulating rhythms than you.

Paula: barbiturates?

Both with an extremely
high metabolism.

I'm not talking to you any more,
it's four in the morning.

Did I wake you?

No, no, I was just,
um, sleeping.

Brendon!

Sorry.

Paula: brendon?
Brendon: hello?

Paula: brendon.
Brendon: hello?

Paula: brendon?
Mom?

Um—hum.

Brendon?

Oh, hello?

Brendon, how are ya?

Sleeping, jason.

It's four o'clock
in the morning.

I know, um,
I already went for a jog.

Look, I'll talk to
you at school, okay?

Brendon, uh...

I just wanted to apologize
for yesterday.

You know, forget it,
just go to bed, all right?

Brendon, uh—
are we still friends?

Yes, of course,
now go to bed.

Brendon.
One more thing.

What?

Um, have you
seen george?

No.

Brendon.
I'm right here.

Brendon finish
your oatmeal.

Mom, I've got bigger things
on my mind

Than finishing this oatmeal
right now.

I'm sorry.

Are you still upset
about last night?

Yes——i, i, I've got to have
a talk with jason.

A long talk.

And that's not easy because he's
got a very short attention span.

Maybe one of the shortest
on record.

You can say that again.

Hey, look how I can balance my
spoon on the side of my bowl.

Brendon, this is exactly
why you need

To finish your oatmeal.

Explain.

Well, oatmeal contains
oatmeal.

And it also contains
a lot of fiber,

Paula: and fiber fills you up
and when your body's full

It functions better and then
your brain will work better

Because it won't have to worry
about your body, which is full,

And then you're thinking clearly
and you'll feel less stressed.

You see?

So, uh, oatmeal helps me
deal with stress?

Yep.
You know what else does?

What's that?

A mom.

It's the "oatmeal mom," brendon.

Brendon: mom, stop, stop, no.
Seriously, stop.

Stop.
Mom!

Seriously, mom.

Wanna squeeze you.
Help!

Okay, there's no need
to get like that.

Stop!
Finish your oatmeal.

I don't think I need
the oatmeal now.

Well, finish your juice.

How's the job
hunting going?

It's going pretty good,
you know, pretty, uh,

Pretty really good.

It's going pretty really good.

You know what helps job hunting?

What's that?

One of brendon's small
famous smoocharoonies.

No. No, not, no.

Ewe—...

Yeah, I have not brushed
my teeth in four months.

Jason, you really
didn't have to do this.

Don't hate me.
I don't hate you.

Open it.

Wait, we need
to talk, I mean,

You have a short
attention span, jason.

Race car is the same backwards
and forwards, brendon.

Look, ja...

Oh, yeah, it is.
I never knew that——huh.

Brendon,
open your gift.

All right,
all right.

Wow——i don't know
what to say, jason.

I thought you, um, I thought
you'd like them

Because um, they have animals
on them.

They're very, um, I do.

Okay, brendon,
you know what?

Um, don't,
don't be mad at me.

I'm not mad at you.
All right?

Hey, this one's got
big fish lips.

That's—that's
my favorite.

Look jason—
kiss it.

Brendon—-
you didn't have to.

I'll see what I can do
about the script, okay?

Oh, no, no, you know,
brendon, that'—-

No, yeah.

It's not important
to me anymore.

Well——
no big deal.

I mean, you have the blocks,
though, right?

Yeah, I have the blocks.
Yeah, I mean...

Those are great.

Look, let me just, I'm not going
to make any promises

But I'd like to see if I could
expand your role,

Just a little bit. Okay?

Well, i, i, you know,
if that's what you feel.

It's no big deal, you know?

But, you—-
the blocks are great, right?

Yes, they're great, jason.
Thank you.

Yeah, I knew you would
love the blocks.

Brendon, you're late.

Sorry, coach mcguirk,

I had to stay after
because I flunked a test.

You look terrible.

Well, I haven't been sleeping
very well, and, you know,

I got a phone call at four
o'clock this morning because—...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Always late,
flunking tests, tired,

Phone calls at four
in the morning.

Brendon.
Brendon.
Yeah?

You trading online?

What?

Brendon?

No.

Brendon, if you are—-
what?

I want in.

I hear it makes a lot of money.

Yeah?

No, I know.
You're doing drugs, right?

Are you out of your mind, coach?

Answer the question, brendon.
Are you doing drugs?

That's ridiculous.

I'm not even going to justify
that with an answer.

Humor me.

All right.

A farmer and his three
beautiful daughters

Go to the village.

Whoa!
Heard it.

Look, brendon, I'm going to keep
a close eye on you

For your own good.

Right now,
because you were late,

Everyone voted you to be the
first one to take mr. Freckles

Down the other end of the field
to do his business.

The janitor?

Mr. Freckles,
not mr. Fitzgerald.
Oh.

There's mr. Freckles.

Brendon:
oh——okay, I'll take him.

Hello, how are you?
Hi, mr. Freckles.

Here, take these two bags
and clean up after him.

Why are you handing me
two bags?

One's for number one,
one's for number two.

And you gotta help him go.

Mcguirk:
he's really old.

Waiter:
can I take your order?

Yeah, I think I'll have
a, a, a bloody mary

Paula:
and a cobb salad.

Uh, hey, a little early
for a cobb salad.

Oh, you are a card.

You know, actually,
it's, it's 1:30, uh, so it's...

It's just a little stress
reducer, eric.

I hardly ever, you know...

Say no more,
I love bloody marys myself.

They're addictive.
I wish I drank more.

I, I feel like I don't take
advantage of the fact

That I'm old enough.

Anyway, paula, i, I've lined up
a couple of interviews for you.

Oh, my god.
That's great, eric.

Thank you so much.

No guarantees.

Of course, of course,
I understand.

No, no, no—no guarantees,
that's one of the places

You're interviewing at.

Eric:
it's an online mortgage company.

Uh, I don't know anything
about mortgages.

Well, that's their motto.

That's strange.
No, that's next week.

Well, I'll drink
to that. That's
the week after.

All right, you got
to stay in your positions,

All right?

You think of it like it's
a hospital emergency room.

Everybody's got a job to do.

The receptionist asks
what the problem is.

The triage nurse verifies
the problem

And the doctors fix the problem.

Of course, some doctors
are comedians

And have to make comments
'cause they think they're funny.

"Well, sir, how'd you get it
caught on your—" brendon!

You're late again.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

Mcguirk:
come over here, brendon.

The rest of you take laps.

Remember the hospital thing.

Brendon, I know something's
going on.

Nothing is going on,
coach mcguirk.

Hey, I said
something's going on.

Now let me tell you a story,
all right, about me.

I once went astray myself.

I'm not astray.

Mcguirk:
shut up and listen, brendon.
Okay.

Mcguirk: and learn.
Okay.

Now when I was in college
I went through some weird times.

I didn't know you
went to college.

A couple days, I did.
All right?

And I ran with a g*ng.

The g*ng was called
"the feel—goods."

It wasn't the toughest g*ng
in the world,

It was more like—...

Running with the cast
of a broadway musical.

Mcguirk: very annoying.

A lot of freaky
interpretive dance stuff.

Beads——makeup.
In other words, drugs, brendon.

Coach mcguirk,
I am not doing drugs.

Mcguirk: you a member of the
feel—goods, brendon?

Am i—
mcguirk: huh?

No.
Mcguirk: is that it?
What?

Denial is the first sign
that you got a problem, brendon.

Brendon: no, it's not.

Denial is the first time that
I don't have a problem.

That's why I'm denying it.

It doesn't work that way,
brendon.

You can't fool me
with your logic.

If you're denying doing it,
that means you're doing it.

You mean, like, uh,
he who smelt it, dealt it?

I don't know from poetry,
brendon.

If you're doing drugs,
you're doing drugs,

And that's bad.

But I'm not doing anything.

Well, you're doing this.

Mr. Freckles again?

Yeah——hey, he who's late
cleans mr. Freckles' crap.

All right,
bring it in.

Okay, I just made
a few changes

And I think it's much tighter,
so let's just read through it.

Uh, action.

Good—bye.

Good—bye.

Melissa exits?

What, uh, happened
to your date, sir.

Oh, she's not my date,
she's my parole officer.

And she's getting married
and moving to spain
and having a baby.

Hey, want to rob a bank?

You bet.
Jason: all right.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Cut, brendon——cut.

I move to spain
and you never see me again,

The whole movie?

W—w—w—w—one question
at a time...

What is going on?

In answer to your first
question, melissa, is yes.

Brendon:
and the answer to the rest
of your questions also is yes.

This stinks, brendon.

Why did you change it?

Oh, brendon, by the way,
you left your bathing suit

Over by my pool.

Oh! Okay, I see
what's going on here.

All of a sudden you
and jason are best buds.

That's right.

We'll see about this,
brendon small.

That's not
my bathing suit.

Oh, my god, it's my dad's.

Oh, and thanks again
for the cookies, melissa.

Melissa: no problem.

Paula: they are so good.
Melissa: hey, this was fun.

It was great,
stop by any time.

You're so sweet.
Oh, thank you, paula.

Wait?
Paula?

You called my mother
by her name?

Um—hum,
that's her name, paula.

You went over my head,
didn't you?

See you tomorrow, brendon.

Can't wait to read
the new script.

What?
Oh...

Brendon, you and I should
have a little chat.

Um, yeah,
I think we should.

These are good,
got to be storebought.

She said she made
them herself.

I don't know.

Look, brendon,
you know what,

Don't pay any attention
to all this jason and melissa
bickering.

Yeah.
Rise above it.

This one's got chocolate,
peanut butter,

And mints in it.

That being said, you know,
it would be very helpful

To me right now if you could
just write melissa back

Into the lead role.

Paula:
because her father is helping me
find a job, brendon,

And you know, I think this is
just a nice way

Of saying thank you to him.

And a relatively cheap way
at that.

Mmm.

Paula:
I was actually going to buy him
some soaps or something,

But maybe I won't have to now.

You see what I'm saying?

Okay, mom, I'll, I'll
see what I can do.

But you know, there is no way
she made these cookies.

Brendon,
I'm the stupid waiter again.

It's the same as before.

Actually,
you have less lines.

But the blocks.
The blocks I gave you.

Don't they mean
anything to you?

Jason.

I want the blocks back.
Go get them.

Please, jason, don't make this
any harder on yourself.

I'm not.
I'm trying to make it harder
on you, brendon.

You want me to pee in that,
right here, right now?

No, of course not.

Wait until I finish
my coffee first.

This is stupid.

Whoa, mr. Freckles!

Mr. Freckles, get back here!

Mr. Freckles, come here.

Come here,
freckles.
Come back, girl.

Mr——?

Come here, girl.

Mr. Freckles is a girl?

All right, everybody,
bring it in, come on,

That's enough playing
with the dog.

Brendon, get mr. Freckles
back on the leash.

That's enough fun for today,
kids, we got to practice.

Nice resume.

Thanks.
I, I used the good paper.

In fact, it's called
resume paper.

Yeah.

Do you have any direct
experience with visual basics?

You know,
asp, sql, vms?

Uh, you know,
I shouldn't have

Adjusted this chair by myself.

Yeah.

Do you consider yourself
a self—motivated individual
ms. Small?

No, I mean, yes.

But not right this very second.

Never, actually.

Do you have anything that
doesn't require self—motivation,

Maybe something that's
already motivated

And I just have to, you know,
step into it?

Yeah.

Do you want me
to validate your parking?

Bad dog.
Bad mr. Freckles.

Or mrs. Freckles, I suppose.

You're not supposed
to run away like that.

Brendon.
Yeah.

Druggie, tie up mr. Freckles
and get on to the field.

Oh, no. Mr. Freckles
went all over the place.

Ooh, it smells.
Yuck, poopie.

Melissa: coach, mcguirk,

I think mr. Freckles
is sick or something.

Brendon, get your bag.
Mr. Freckles calls.

Oh, okay.

Paula: yeah, you know,
I don't want to lie, eric.

No, trust me, paula.

You have to go into this thing
and really lay it on.

I, i, just, I'm not
really comfortable

With embellishing like that.

Well, then, just lie.

Uh, oh, wait,
hold on one second, paula.

Okay, right now, mrs. Stone,
you're standing

Where the toilet would be
in a perfect world.

Trust me, paula, you, you got
to go into this next interview

And really lay it on thick.

Paula: it's just, I'm afraid
bad things might happen
if I lie.

Okay——uh mr. Stone,
don't lean on that railing,

That's not secure.

Told you.

Paula, I'm going to have
to call you back.

Paula: okay, eric.

Okay, don't move, mr. Stone.
Mr. Stone?

Boy, you're doing a really good
job of not moving.

All right,
before you go home,

Everybody listen up.

Soccer's a hard game,
but life is a harder game.

Mcguirk:
sometimes people do things,
take the short cut,

Try and make life easier.

Brendon small is a drug addict.

This is your intervention,
brendon.

Are you out of your mind?

All right, kids,
take over.

Mcguirk: I don't exactly know
how these things go,
so you guys handle it.

Let's get him back on track.

Everybody intervene.
Intervene,
go ahead.

Brendon should stop
doing drugs, right?

Everybody?
Look...

What are you staring
at me for?

All right, you know what?
Intervention over.

Brendon, get off the drugs.

Look, of all the ridiculous,
hare—brained,

Brendon: i, i, haven't been
sleeping well, but—

I don't get this.
Brendon: no, but, wh—-

You know what?
I don't get this.

What don't you get?

I try to do
an intervention,

No one believes me.

Brendon, drugs are not
the issue here.

What?
All right, leadership
is the issue.

Think it was easy for me
to do an intervention?

No.

I read a pamphlet
last night, brendon.

It didn't go so well,
did it?
No.

So who has egg
on their face...

Brendon or coach mcguirk?

Coach mcguirk.
Yeah, you.

I mean, you do look like...

Mcguirk: the point is, brendon,
I want to get the kids
motivated.

That's—
mcguirk: all righ?

So I said that you had
a little drug problem.

I don't believe this.

You know what?
Forget it.

I mean, just forget it.
It's too late now.

Go clean up mr. Freckles' crap.

Melissa: yeah, I think so,
but I need to know

What the chicken
thinks about me.

Uh, I think this chicken
would be very happy

If he saw your pretty mouth

Jason: and big teeth chomping
down on his tender, juicy—

Well, then, I think
I'll definitely

Have this chicken again.

And soon.

More water?

I asked for more water
20 minutes ago.

How come the service
stinks here?

I'm trying my best, sir.

Well, your best ain't really
that good, is it?

Um—-

Baby, let's get out of here.

I'll bring the check.

Let's leave without paying.

Then, let's rob a bank.
Okay.

Well, I am just blown away.

Visual basics, asp, sql,
dms, sob, stp, dvd,

You did them all.

I'm not even familiar
with some of these programs.

Well, it's cutting edge.

Interviewer:
I'm convinced.

Welcome aboard, ms. Small.

You're our new protocol engineer
and supervisor

For the electrical design
of our mammalian genetics

Research team——p.e.s.
Congratulations!

Great.

Paula: you know what?
There's been a terrible mistake.

Um, I was kidding.

I don't know the first thing
about being a...

Paula:
what is it I'm supposed to be?

I'll find my own way out.
I'm leaving now.

Uh, just curious...

Did I get paid for today?
Good—bye.