02x09 - Class Trip

[bunniefuu]

Jason: amelia, what are you
doing in the den, dear?

Nothing, dad.

I'll be down in a minute.

I'm just cooking.

Jason: in the den?

I mean reading.

Jason: in the den?

I like to read
and think in here.

Jason: in the den?

Good night, dad.
Go to bed.

Good.
Ooh, what beautiful diamonds.

Now I just have to get these
to the hotel

Before my father
knows they're missing.

Please forgive me, father.

Jason: what? Are you
talking to me, amelia?

No, dad.
Stay right there.

I'll bring you some warm milk.

Jason: amelia?

Dad!

Melissa: I'm going to bed.

Good night!

Well, I'll walk you upstairs.

Thanks.

Jason: what's in the bag, dear?

What bag?

Jason: the bag in your hand,
right there.

Oh, this bag.
Just stuff.

Go to bed.

Okay, I'm very tired.

Melissa: good.

But first I want
to check on my diamonds.

For what?

Jason: you're right,
let's go to bed.

Is that your flashlight?

Huh?

Jason: is that your flashlight
right there on the floor

In front of the safe?

Melissa: no.

Okay, let's go
to bed then.

Alright, cut, cut.

Guys, that was great.

It felt pretty good.

Did it feel good?

Yeah.

Once we sh**t on location,

This thing's
gonna be incredible.

So, you guys all set
for the field trip?

Brendon: do you have
your permission slips?

Oh, yeah.
I got mine laminated.

You got yours laminated?

I don't know, brendon,
what if we get in trouble?

Look, we're not going
to get in trouble,

So it doesn't matter.

Well, I'm just
nervous about it.

Melissa, it's just a hotel.

People sh**t movies
in hotels all the time.

So it's——listen,
don't worry about it.

Getting the shot is the only
thing that matters.

All we have to do
is get the shot.

Brendon, is that supposed
to be some sort of pep talk?

Uh—...

Melissa: 'cause I gotta
tell ya, it's not making me feel
any better.

Brendon: uh, well——

I have a laminating machine
at home.

Brendon: wow.

The things plugged in,
electricity seems to be workin'.

Come on, you stupid—...

Oww!

Geez!

Hey, mcguirk,
how's that joe comin'?

I, uh, can't navigate
through my geography class

Without my caffeine co—pilot.

Hey, when do you thing that fuel
will be ready for pumping, eh?

Hey, fink, you know how
to work this thing?

Well, is it plugged in, mcguirk?

Yeah, it's plugged in.

I can't help you then.

I'm not a mechanic.

Oh, that's great, fink.

Oh, god, my hand!

Fink: hey, I didn't
want mine to go, huh?

Principal plum,
beautiful morning, isn't it?

Coffee machine
is on the, uh, fritz again.

So I threw it on your car.

Sorry.

Is it, uh, can you check
if it's working?

No?

I know this is only a sitcom
but nobody can be that stupid.

Hey brendon, you know,
um, mr. Lynch called me today.

Mr. Lynch?

Paula: um—hmm.

You mean my mr. Lynch?

You don't own him.

Yes I do, he's mine.

Why did he call you?

He wanted to know if I
could be a supervisor

On your field trip
to the hotel.

Oh boy, that's a good one.

What did he say
when you told him "no"?

He said "thank you,"
because I didn't tell him "no."

I told him "yes."

Man, why are you going
on my field trip then?

You don't want to go to this.

No, I'm not going
on your field trip,

I'm chaperoning
your field trip, brendon.

But mom, why do you
wanna go?

You've been to hotels
millions of times.

It's my duty as a parent
to help out.

No, it isn't.

Yeah, it is.

No, you shouldn't have
to help out at all.

That's why we pay taxes.

I'm a much better citizen
than that.

Mom, look, there's gonna
be kids running wild

All over the place
and you don't want to

Have to chase them around
and, you know,

Brendon: you're way too old
for that stuff.

I'm not too old, brendon,
I'm young and vibrant.

I can keep up with
any eight—year—old kid.

Paula: and at least I know
I won't have to worry

About you and jason
and melissa, right?

Let's just pay a little
more attention to the tv

And not so much attention
on talking, okay?

Mmm, sorry.

So mr. Mcguirk, tell me
something about yourself.

Uh, well, do you mind if I have
a look at that application?

Manager: oh, sure.

Just, you know,
refresh my memory.

Manager: uh—huh.

I graduated usc,
as it says here.

Mcguirk: and I fought
in the gulf w*r.

Manager: gulf w*r?

I went to ucla myself.

Mcguirk: oh, yeah.
It's a beautiful country.

Well, I'm sold.

Me too.

I think you're our new
night manager, mr. Mcguirk.

Well, that's great
when do i—...

Well, well, let me—...

Hold on there one, one second.

I can't wait
to put the tie on.

Yeah, I understand that.

Let me just see what the old
background check turned up.

Uh——oh, mr. Mcguirk.

Yeah, alright.

I'm sorry, but you've got
quite a history here,

All these fines and arrests
and drunk and disorderly,

Drunk and disorderly.

Oh right, well—...

Mcguirk:
wait a minute, before you go
jumping the g*n here——

I'm afraid that's not what
we had in mind.

Manager:
it's a family restaurant.

Look, sir, I'll be honest
with you, alright?

I went a little mental
the other day

And I need 1700 bucks to pay
for some damages.

Look at my hands.

Manager: empty.

It's out of my hands.

I can't help you, mr. Mcguirk,

Unless you wanted
to order some food.

Alright.

Okay, there's, uh,
there's been a little monkey

Thrown into the mix.

I think you mean
monkey wrench.

Nope, I mean
the whole monkey.

My mother's going
on the field trip.

Why?

Because she's helping
mr. Lynch.

So now we have to be
extra sneaky.

So make sure you memorize
all your lines.

Brendon, I'm, um, not really
good at memorizing lines.

Yeah, me neither.

You know mary had
a little lamb?
Yeah.

She did?

I still haven't memorized it.

Look we have to, guys,
because we only get one shot

At each scene, because there's
gonna be adults everywhere

And we're gonna be sneaking
around, so,

You know, we have one chance
to do it right.

And, you know, we've got about
37 scenes to sh**t.

So, guys, we gotta,
you know—...

That's a lot of scenes.

Yeah, yeah, well, maybe
we'll cut a couple out.

I don't know which ones.

Hey, brendon,
do you know the scene

Where you're sleeping?

Yeah.

Maybe that one could, um—...

Yeah, but it's important because
we have the scene

Where I wake up, so—...

Just a suggestion.

I'll take another
look at the script.

The scene with you
on the bidet,

It's funny,
but it definitely could go.

Well, let's not go
overboard here,

We're gonna need some scenes
to have a movie.

I love coaching, you know,
I mean I'm in it for the kids.

You know, sometimes I say
to the school: don't pay me.

But they don't listen.

That's the kind of worker I am,
I'm loyal, trustworthy and,

Mcguirk:
uh, noteworthy.

Well, your background check came
through clean as a whistle,

Mr. Small.

Manager:
welcome to galaxy coffee.

Wow, thanks.

That's great.

Please call me, brendon.

Okay, this here is
your list of kids.

I've got them in—-

Paula:
alphabetical order, yeah.

Alison, brendon.

No, no, no.

Actually, paula,
they are in the order

Of most likely to run away.

Lynch:
okay, yeah, see the first name
on that list, alison?

Yeah.

Yeah, so alison would be
the first most likely kid

To run away.

Oh, okay.

Which one is alison again?

Uh, she would be the one
across the street

Getting into that cab.

Uh, so you might want
to, uh—-

Alison, get over here!

Wait, wait for the light.

Uh, okay, it's okay, paula;
rookie mistake.

Why is brendon
next on the list?

Uh, well, brendon, is—...

Let's just say you're gonna have
to keep an eye on him.

Please, mr. Lynch, my own son——
I can handle him.

Hmm.

Where is he anyway?

I gotta pee!

Wait, did brendon
get off the bus already?

I can't wait,
it's a bodily function.

Bodily functions don't wait.

Okay, go inside
but come right back.

Perry's gonna be sick.

I have sea sickness.

I keep telling him we're
on land, but he won't listen.

It doesn't matter, land or sea,
I get sea sick on the bus.

Okay, fine, fine.

Hurry up. Follow fenton
to the bathroom.

Go, go quickly.

Brendon! Brendon!

Fenton, wait for us!

Wait for us, I'm sea sick.

No!

Perry's sick.

I'm sick, fenton,
have mercy.

Don't follow me,
I've gotta pee.

Perry, he's getting
away hurry.

It makes me sick
when I run.

Okay, you walk,
I'll run, perry.

Yeah.

Mr. Lynch, do you have
walter and perry on your list?

They're not on my list.

I don't bother listing them,
they never run away.

Never?

Perry!
Yeah, walter?

If you throw up,
I'll throw up.

Okay, let's both throw up
at the same time.

Count of three, ready?
Okay.

Morning, ma'am,
are you staying with us

For business or pleasure?

Both.

That would be bleasure?

Yes.

Or plisness.

Yes, tell me
something, bellhop.

Has mr. Hutchinson
checked in yet?

Yes, he has.

Good, thank you.

Will there be
anything else, ma'am?

No, I think that's all.

Okay.

Ahem.

Oh! Here you go.

Guy's gotta eat.

Thank you for your help.

Uh, daddy has six kids.

Yeah, um,
I'm all cleaned out.

Alright.

Well, thank you
and enjoy your stay

At the mystery hotel.

Cut, beautiful.

Let's move!

Can I get my money back?

No.

Brendon! Brendon!
Oh, shh.

Brendon what are you
doing over here?

Nothing, nothing.

Stay with the group,

I'm counting on you guys
to help me out.

Okay, okay.

Where's alison?

Um.

Alison!

Paula:
alison, get down from there!

We're in trouble, brendon,
I knew it.

No, no, no, relax.
We're fine, we're fine.

Don't worry.
I knew this was a mistake.

Much obliged, sir.

Oh, not bad.

Now we need to sneak
into a room.

Brendon, I gotta
take this upstairs.

Uh, so I grab him——
he's a big guy

But I grab him by the shirt
and I say,

"You don't do that
in my hotel."

I threw him out
and that's the story.

Any question?

Yeah, I want to see you
throw somebody out.

Well, the day is still early but
I might be throwing you out.

Ha—ha, throw somebody out.

Listen, little boy.

It's no good when I throw
somebody out,

I don't like that side
of the business,

But I do it.

I do it because it's important
for the other people

In the hotel to feel safe.

Okay?

Just throw one person out,
please.

Uh, excuse me, uh, hi.

I'm, well, I'm locked out.

My parents left and locked me
out of my room, number 24,

Brendon:
and if you could open it
that would be tremendous, okay?

Um, I'll be right over in front
of my room, number 24,

Uh, waiting with my friends
who are sick.

Okay, thanks!

Okay, okay, that's, uh,
you made your point.

Okay, alright.

Okay, yes.

This is how you throw
somebody out.

Okay, a little tight,
a little tight.

I've got the diamonds,
now give me back the pictures,

You blackmailer.

Not so fast, amelia.

Give me the pictures.

Well, that's slower,
but it's very funny

And I like a gal
with a sense of humor,

Like you—— like a girl
like yourself.

Like one of—...

Cut.

Hi, my name's clarice.

Well, my name's
brendon small.

Got it?

Brendon small.

My boyfriend calls me
"little mama."

Well, that's cute.

So what's up, clarice?

I'm gonna train you,

But I don't mean
like in a health club.

Yeah, I didn't think you did,
since we're in a coffee shop.

Alright, so this is
the coffee maker, right?

I gotta warn you,
I don't get along

With coffee machines,
and you're staring at me.

I know, my boyfriend
says I stare.

Well, it's because you do.

Now stop it.

It's creepy.

I'm going to college
next year.

Clarice:
my boyfriend's already
in college.

Well, that's exciting, clarice.

Now will you please stop
staring at me?

Mcguirk:
and you really should blink,
'cause blinking

Shows that you're human.
Alright?

Iffen your father
gets the things,

Then he'll do somethin' quicker
than a somethin' fast——line.

Just keep going.

I don't care how many pictures
you have of me.

Oh, and you'll run over the
thing and you'll do stuff

And I'll do stuff back and there
won't be any stuff left to do.

I'm not going to steal
for you anymore.

Yes, will you rob the hotel
safe for me, please?

It would be really good
if you would do that for me.

Thanks.

You don't scare me, I saw
my fiancé downstairs,

Which means he's coming
to save me and the jig is up.

He's not here to save you,
little darlin'.

Your fiancé is having
an affair with the maid.

No, he's not!

Why do you think I chose
this hotel?

I don't know, good rates,
close to the airport.

No!
Well, then why?

So you would see
that your fianéé

Is playing you for the fool.

I don't believe you.

Maybe you'll believe this.

Ouch!

Johnny!

That's right, amelia;

I'm your fiancé's identical
twin brother, jimmy.

Amelia: johnny.
Johnny.

Okay, so that's
how you do that.

Now I want to show you
how to turn down a bed,

If they ever ask you
to do something.

What did he say?

That's a little
hotel humor.

Lighten, people,
so we here all day.

I can barely understand
what you're saying!

Perry, I want to stay
in a hotel.

I want to live in a hotel.

I wanna be a
hotel manager.

I wanna be a maitre de.

I wanna be a bell hop.

I wanna be a waiter.

I wanna be a bell.

Shut up!

Okay, shut up.

Have you seen brendon?

Uh, no, I haven't, paula.

You know, I remember my first
field trip, uh, like yours.

It was the aquarium,
I was very nervous;

Just me and 42 kids.

Where is brendon?

I was so afraid I was
going to lose some and, uh,

They were running
all over the place.

What happened?

I lost some kids.

Clarice, this doesn't look
right, it's all foam.

It looks like soap suds.

You forgot
to put the espresso in.

Well, why didn't
you tell me?

You have to learn
for yourself.

My girlfriend and I were born
on the same exact day.

Well, that's exciting,
what day was that?

D—day?

No. You're funny.

Yes, I am.

My boyfriend could
get really jealous of you.

Uh—huh.

Look, little mama, let me tell
you something, alright?

I'm here to do my time,
make my money and that's it.

Mcguirk:
I can't possibly get involved
with a co—worker.

That would be wrong.

Plus, how old are you?

Eighteen.

Well, I could potentially
get involved with a co—worker.

But why blackmail me
and make me steal

My father's diamonds
worth 750 million dollars?

Because the owner of this hotel
stole the hotel

From my father when he was
a young hotel guy

At this hotel, and the papers
to prove it

Are in the hotel safe, and some
diamonds are in there, too.

Why?

Tell me!

Because I know
you're real identity, amelia.

You're the international
jewel thief

Known as
"the queen of diamonds."

How did you find out
my secret identity?

I don't know, but if you break
into the safe,

You can steal all that stuff and
we can run away to south america

Or some other country.

That is, if you love me.

Do you?

Well, i, i—...

Oh no, it's mr. Shock,
my father's very own private

Private eye.

He's been hiding in the bathroom
and heard the whole thing.

He must have followed me here
to take the diamonds back

And probably to turn you
into the police.

He's not a man
you can reason with.

Oh, I think you did
a couple of my lines.

Sorry.

Brendon: everybody hide!
What? What?

Hide!

Now you take your tp and
you fold this end first.

Fenton, you're doing it
wrong.

Shut up! I am not.

You are, poor fenton.

Shut up!

It's just stupid toilet paper!

Poor fenton,
poor fenton.

He can't do anything.

Okay, okay.

Settle down, focus.

Look at mr. Lynch,
it's on his shoe.

It's on his shoe,
oh my god.

Yeah.
I like your shoes.

I like your shoes.

We're gonna get in trouble.

Shh! No, we're not.

Melissa, where's jason?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Excuse me, do you mind?

Someone's in here.

Brendon, I can't
take this anymore.

I gotta get out of here.
No, don't do anything stupid.

Brendon, I'm sorry! Ah!

Hi, there.

Hi, and hello.

Uh, carry on.

Jason: uh, need more tp.

Forty eights,
forty nines or fifty?

That was only 49.

No, that was 50.

You did not count
the first one.

No, I counted the first one.

It was 49.

Listen to me,
you little punk.

One, uh, heavy.

Has anyone seen brendon
or melissa or jason?

Oh boy.

Don't worry; we lose kids
all the time.

Hmm.

This is the perfect place
to sh**t the final scene.

Let's go back to the hotel.

No, no, no. It's fine.

Plus I have to pee, so.

Hold your breath.

Uh, I think that only
works for hiccups.

It works for pee too.

Oh my god!

Is that coach mcguirk?

He's robbing the place.

Roll camera.

Okay, again; one, two, three
dollars and 56—7 cents.

There's your change,
have a nice day,

Don't bother coming back.

Next.

You shouldn't say that
to customers.

It hurts their feelings.

He's not robbing it,
he's working here.

Clarice, spare me, alright?

The guy was a jerk.

Handed me a five, he must
have had two bucks, right?

I'll have a double grande
half caff;

Single shot vanilla skim
cappuccino for here.

Coach mcguirk,
what are you doing here?

Brendon?

Why did he call you
coach mcguirk?

Uh, I don't know.

He's probably Ret*rded.

Why does your nametag
say brendon small?

Because that's his name.

See my name tag says clarice,

But my boyfriend calls me
little mama.

Clarice, take a break.

Hey, guys, guess what,
I got good news.

One of the hotel guests
says three kids

Who fit the description
of the missing kids

Went into one
of the coffee shops.

What?
What?

I said the kids are next door
at the coffee shop.

Oh, thank god!

Yeah, everything's
gonna be okay.

Can I get my coffee?

Lady, I'll be honest
with ya, I don't know

What the hell you ordered.

How 'bout a biscotti?

Coach mcguirk, I mean brendon;

I really have to use
the bathroom, sir.

Bathrooms are
for customers only.

But I'm too young
to drink coffee and if I did

I would have
to pee more, so—...

Brendon, we just probably
just start sh**ting.

They're going to sh**t you?

It's a robbery!

Brendon, what's going on?

Well, brendon, I'd like
to film the big final scene

Of our movie here,
but first I have to pee.

Clarice, he means
sh**t a movie.

Brendon!

What?
What?

Paula:
brendon, thank god
you're alright!

Who's she?

My mother.

I've been looking
all over for you.

Brendon, you know
you're not supposed to, uh,

Leave the group.

You're going to have
to be punished for this.

Can I pee first?

Brendon, I was so worried
about you.

Get over here!

Ah! Mom, no, don't touch me,

I'm gonna have——i have
to really use the bathroom.

Brendon, listen to me, I don't
want you running off like that—-

You're pressing
on my bladder.

I was worried sick.

I'm sorry, I mean, i—...

Mom, i—...

Mcguirk, I didn't know
you worked here.

Uh, now I have to pee.

Hey, that is the guy I threw out
of my hotels last week.

Oh great, this is great.

Coach mcguirk, why does
your nametag say brendon?

Wait a minute, everybody's
calling you coach mcguirk,

You're name isn't brendon small,
you lied.

You lied to me,
I'm gonna tell the manager.

I gotta pee, somebody—...

Where's my coffee?

Lady, you're not
getting coffee!

Okay, okay, mm—hmm,
thank you.

Bye.

They found alison,
she was at the airport,

She's fine.

Oh, I'm awake.

Are you watching me sleep,
walter?

Yes, you're beautiful
when you sleep.

Watch me now.

'Kay, shut your eyes.

I shut my eyes.

Oh my god,
it's beautiful.

I knew we were gonna
get in trouble.

Yeah, but it was fun.

Yeah, you should have seen
the look on your face

When those people walked
in the room.

"Ah!"

That's me, alright.

You should have seen your face.

Ahhh.

And then your face
went like this:

Yeah.

Then you were like this:

Yeah, I'm gonna look out
the window for a while.

Oh.

Yep.

Yeah.

What?

Hmm? Did you say something?

Neither did i.

Jason: uh, need more tp.