02x11 - Writer's Block

[bunniefuu]

Brendon: okay.

You walk in,
you're angry.

Your best friend
set you up.

Aarrrgh.

Brendon: yeah, like that.

Okay.

But why?

You're confused.

Um——um—...

Brendon: you look around.

You're thinking,
"why did I come here?

"I should go back to california,
get my old job back."

Then you think of your
old girlfriend for a minute

And it makes you laugh.

And you start laughing
uncontrollably.

Uncontrollably.

And then you remember that
she used to laugh, too.

And you start to cry.

Yeah, but then you hear
a noise and you're quiet.

You look around again
and you think about the guy

You saw following you yesterday.

And then charlene enters
and you hide.

No, you don't hide. You hide.

Charlene: which one?

Who?

Charlene: me hide?

Me hide?

Brendon: hide, you're afraid.

You hide.

Brendon: go hide, hide.

Okay, charlene,
you look around.

Um—...

Brendon: confused.

You don't know
why you came here.

You think about your old
boyfriend in california,

How he used
to make you laugh.

And that makes you
laugh uncontrollably.

And then you hear something.

Somebody's coming.

You're scared.

You hide.

Jason: melissa, I'm hiding here.

I know, it's the
only place to hide.

Brendon: don't hide
in the same place.

There's only one thing
to hide behind.

Uh, brendon.

Brendon: yeah.

Can I make a suggestion
at this juncture?

Brendon: uh, cut.

Yeah, sure. What?

I think it
might be easier

If someone in
this movie speaks.

Well, i, uh—...

I don't really
follow the story.

Well, I get the story.

It's about, um——brendon,
what is this about?

Okay.

It is——it's a story,
you're right about that.

It's a story about, uh,
exactly what it's about

I'm not totally sure
right now, you know.

Um, yeah, I still have
to kind of figure that.

So you don't know
what it's about?

I didn't say that.

You kind of did.

You did, brendon,
I was right here.

Okay, okay, you want
to know the truth?

You want to know why I didn't
write anything, do you?

Because I can't write.

Okay.

Oh, my god.

I, brendon small,
the writer of some

Five hundred movies
cannot write.

I have writer's block.

There I said it, okay?

You guys satisfied now?

I'm satisfied.

Melissa?

Brendon, this is serious.

The writers fair is next week.

I know.

Well, what are we gonna do?

This counts for half our grade.

We're gonna do something.

Don't worry.

I will figure it out.

Hey, brendon.

Mm—hmm.

How about a song and dance
about rice?

Yeah, um—...

♪ Rice is nice, but it's
just a grain ♪

♪ And I like rice
so I'm not insane ♪

Yeah, that's a—...

Can we play
hide and seek again?

Okay.

Idea for movie, a guy——a
guy——no, a dog——a dog,

A big dog. Really big dog.
A kid——a kid.

No.

Forget the dog,
forget the guy,

Forget the kid.

It needs something.

It needs—...

Paula: brendon, honey,
time to go to bed.

All right.

Have sweet dreams.

Good night.

Paula: no, I mean you, brendon.
Time for you to go to bed.

Oh, idea for movie,
kid has to go to bed.

His mother wants him
to go to bed.

She goes to bed instead
and then the dog comes in and—...

Brendon.

Brendon, you should have
been asleep an hour ago.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to write, mom.

I have writer's block.

Oh, bad case?

You tell me.

"Fade in."

Well, it's tight.

Yeah, we're supposed
to perform a scene

At the writers fair, but
I can't write anything.

Well, as one who wore
the hat of a writer

And the hat of a teacher
I think I can help.

Mom, you have way
too many hats.

My students used to
ask me about

Writer's block all the time.

You know what I told them?

What?

Don't get it.

Well, that's—-

I'm kidding.

I told them to get
in touch with their muse.

Muse, I thought
a muse was fake.

It's not fake, it's mythical.

Um—hum.

Or mystical.

Right.

Um, mythistical?

Mom, thanks for the help.

I——you know,
if you don't mind

I have to get back
to my panicking.

Hey, you know what can help?
Writing down your dreams.

Really.

Oh, sure, sure.

It helps you tap into a very
creative part of your brain.

Right.

Well, which part is that?

The middle, I think.

The middle part.

Uh, actually I
don't really know

But it's a very
creative process.

Um—hum.

Okay.
So you try that.

Okay.

Okay.

Good night, brendon.

Good night.

I love you.

I love you.

Idea for a dream.

Melissa:
how long, coach mcguirk?
How long do we have to stretch?

Coach mcguirk?

What?

It's already been 45 minutes.

We're all stretched.
Why, what was I saying?

You weren't
saying anything.

Well, what
are you saying?

I was saying we're
all stretched.

Great, what does that mean?

We're all stretched out.

Yeah.

Melissa: can we stop?

Who are you?

Melissa: it's melissa.

Melissa who?

Coach mcguirk,
what's the matter?

You don't look so good.

Are you on another bender?

Where did you learn
that word, melissa?

From you.

Oh, right.

No, no.

Of course not, melissa.

I'm not on a bender.

I wouldn't do that to you.

I just——i haven't
slept in four days.

How come?

What do you mean how come?

What kind of question
is that, melissa?

Melissa: well, why?

I just can't, all right?

I can't sleep.

I have insomnia.

Melissa: what's that?

Coach mcguirk:
you don't know
what insomnia is?
No.

Coach mcguirk:
it's when you can't sleep.

Did you try lying on
your bed and, you know,

Having your eyes closed
and just relaxing?

Oh, that's genius, melissa.

What a great idea.

Let me write that down.

So you're saying what I
have to do to fall asleep

Is go to sleep.

Coach mcguirk:
right?

Is that what you're
saying, melissa?
Um—hum.

Good.

'Cause it's brilliant.

You should write a book.

You should give
seminars, all right?

You'll make
millions of dollars.

Attention all insomniacs,
all you have to do

To fall asleep is
lie in your bed.

All right.

Coach, I was just
trying to help.

I'm sorry, melissa.

I didn't mean to snap
at you, all right?

It's just that I haven't slept
in four nights, all right?

Melissa: all right.

Then I got you peeping in my ear
about stretching.

I'm just trying to help.

Like every other
woman in my life.

It's okay, but I don't
see anything wrong

With you physically.

Well, what about this?

Nurse: well——
that don't
look right.

Okay.

Well, we don't—...

Have you seen "african queen?"

Nurse: I'll be
right with you.

There are children
outside waiting.

Well, bring them in.
I don't give a damn.

I don't think—...

Coach mcguirk:
look, lady.

You can come onto
me all you want.

I'm gonna say "no" every time.

All right?

Oh, you're right.

I'm sorry I got carried away.

You know what—-

I'm sorry look forget
about what I said.

I just need some help here.

I haven't slept
in four days.
I know.

All right?
Okay.

There's a sleep center
at the university.

Um—hum.

Nurse: they do all
kinds of research.
Right.

So maybe they can help.

It just seems like a brush off.

It's a referral.

Mr. Lynch:
I can't just give you
extra time, brendon.

But I'm not ready.

Well, I'm sorry.
I can't change

The entire schedule
of the writing fair

Just for you.

I mean, that would be
like changing the date

Of the art fair just because
your painting wasn't ready

Or the state fair—...

Right.
——Because you didn't have
the world's largest pig.

Yeah, yeah.

Or the date of
the health fair

Because you didn't have
an std or the date

Mr. Lynch:
of the sociology fair because
you didn't bring in a family

That had fallen through
the cracks of the very system

That is supposed to protect it.

Mr. Lynch, I'm just—...

No.

One week.

No.

One day.

No.

One hour.

No.

One minute.

Okay.

I'll give you one minute.

Instead of going on at 1:30
you'll be going on at 1:31.

Now was that so hard?

Okay.

Well, mr. Mcguirk,
did you understand

The waiver you signed?

Uh, not really.

I—...

Nurse: okay great.

But I signed it.

Okay.

All right, we're gonna monitor
your brain waves right now.

Student #1: we're gonna just go
ahead and hook you up.

Okay.

Okay.

We're gonna figure
out if we can see

What's keeping you
up at night.

Um—hum.

All right.
That's the point, right?

Student #1:
mm—hmm.

It's pretty bright
in here though.

Do those lights go off or—...

We do need to
keep those on.

How do you sleep?

I mean, how do you go
to sleep with the lights?

Yeah.

Okay.
Can you just

Go ahead and
sit up straight?

Sorry, can you
hand me that?
Behind you?

I'm sorry.
It's here.

So what are——where
do you want me?

You want me—...

Yes, thanks.

Coach mcguirk:
I don't think——ow.

You can, uh—...

I'll do his legs,
you'll do his arms?
Should fit
snugly.

Coach mcguirk:
okay, that, uh——

Is that tight enough?

Yeah, that's actually
pretty tight.

See if you can just tighten
it up just one more notch.

Okay.

Now, how am I supposed
to sleep

With all this stuff on then?

Well, that's for
us to worry about.

Right.

But I'm not getting
blood to my leg.

You ever get electrodes
put on your face?

Uh, no.

Well—...

Here it goes.

Welcome to town.

Ow——ow.

That's my eye.

Can you take that one off?

Right.

We've got some—...

Can I ask one question?

We're just gonna—...

Yeah, I think it's fine.

Can I ask one
question seriously?

Sure.

Yes.

Is this "candid camera?"

Sir, we're students.

We're just trying our best.

Yeah, well here's
a suggestion.

Um—hum.

Go get someone who knows
what they're doing.

Oh, my—...

Sir, I'm sorry.

You might be
a little irritable

Because you haven't slept.

Yeah, that's really
maybe what it is.

And also maybe you don't know
what you're doing.

Okay.
I think we're all set here.

Great.
Good night.

Coach mcguirk:
wait——wait.

Have a good night.

Student #2:
have a good night.
We'll leave you alone now.

Student #1:
we'll see you
in twelve hours.

I'm not hooked up.

I know it's wrong
but I don't care.

What is right and wrong
anyway when it comes to love?

Let's run away together now.

Somewhere, anywhere,
I don't care where.

Let's feel the blood
in our veins,

The passion burn
through our skin.

The madness curdle
in our souls.

Oh, yes, sheila.

Yes, free me from this
novocain called marriage.

I confess that whenever
I cleaned your gums

I always tried to look all
the way down your throat

Into your soul.

Oh, this is good.

This is good.

Melissa:
jason, I'm not gonna
hurt his feelings.

Melissa, he's very
fragile, okay.

I think I know him
a little better than you do.

Well, I don't—...

Brendon:
okay, good news.

I tapped into a very creative
part of my brain last night.

That sounds awful.

Uh, brendon,
did you use a drill?

No.

I used a dream.

Brendon, that's poetic.

Thank you.

Did you know they use to
drill holes in peoples' heads

To let the evil spirits out?

I wrote down my dream
and it's very creative

To write down your dreams.

Did you get a good
scene out of it?

Did i?

Listen to this.

"Fade in, a man with
an ice cream body

"Enters a bicycle
throwing contest.

"So he swims across
the pacific ocean

"With a typewriter
tied to his fingers

"While being chased by little
sharks wearing nap sacks.

Then he plays catch
with his moose."

I like the little sharks.

Brendon, that scene doesn't
make any sense at all.

And the writers fair
is in two days.

Yeah, brendon,
melissa is right.

Lose the sharks.

Okay.

Yeah, i, uh—...

Brendon, I don't think
it's gonna work.

Okay, okay, okay.

You're right.

This was just
an experiment anyway.

The real stuff
is almost ready.

Brendon:
you didn't think this was
the real thing, did you?

Did you, guys?

I was kidding.

This isn't——i'm
working on it though.

I'm working on the scene
and it will be the best scene

You've ever seen.

No pun intended.

Actually the pun was intended.

You got me.

I thought so, yeah.

It's just
everything's stupid

And I can't write anything.

It's stupid.

Look, brendon, I haven't
slept now in six days.

Did you try closing your eyes?

Yeah, I tried that.
Oh.

Point is, is that,
I can't really keep

My train of thought.

Okay.

All right.

So while I'm talking
I may just—...

Coach?

What?

What's up?
Um, coach, you were saying.

What are you doing?

Talking to you, I guess.

I mean, I guess—...

Why are you talking and
not practicing, brendon?

We were——because——oh,
we were talking about

My writer's block, remember.

Here's what you do then—...

Coach.

Right?
Brendon: yeah.

Take a scene from
a famous movie, right.

Right.

Coach?
What?

Oh, nothing.

You were just——you were just
kind of starting to tell me,

Like, some advice or
something and then—...

Right.

And then just change
the names around, all right?

Right.

Instead of using
the name vito corleone.
Yeah.

Call him marty.

All right?

But that's stealing.

Right.

So I'm saying, don't
call it the "godfather."

Just change that too,
call it "the grandfather."

See "weekend at bernie's?"

No.

Write a movie like that.

Paula thinking:
sheila smiled as she
lie——laid——lain——sat.

Sheila smiled as she sat on
the king size bed of the hotel

With lockwood sleeping
soundly next to her.

Just before falling asleep
lockwood had talked about

A trip to the grand canyon.

A romantic getaway,
just the two of them.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

Sheila panicked.

Maybe it was the hotel
manager calling

To kick out the adulterers.

Sheila answered the phone.

It was room service.

She ordered some
champagne and woke up

The sleeping dr. Lockwood
by first kissing him

On his dimpled chin.

Oh, this is good.

All right.

You know what,
I'm out of here.

Hey, no, whoa.
Mcguirk: yeah.

But you're a great subject.

Yeah, you haven't
slept in seven days.

This is great
for our research.

I'll tell you
something, I'm done.

Got it.

No more for me.

If you want a guinea pig, get
a rabbit or get a guinea pig.

Okay, whoa, okay.
Great.

Thank you for coming anyway.

Yeah, if you still can't sleep
please consider returning.

You know I'm not returning.

I'm out of here.

Hey, can I keep these though?

Sure.

And here's your check,
mr. Mcguirk.

Check?

Student#1:
it's your fee for
letting us study you.

A hundred and fifty bucks,
just for this week?

Student#2:
oh, yeah.

Wow.

A hundred fifty.

Student#1:
mm—hm.

Student#2:
you bet'cha.

Do I keep getting more
money if I keep staying?

Yes.
That's how it works, yeah.

All right,
let's get going.

Guys, hook me up.

Wow, this is good.

Um, so jason's
playing the dentist?

Yeah, and you're
the female.

Shouldn't this say root canal?

No.

It's love canal.

It's a different
kind of a thing.

I really have to kiss
jason passionately

For five minutes.

Um, pucker up, sweet lips.

Five minutes stage time,
so that's really like

Only like three and a half, so.

Brendon, we can't
do this on stage.

Oh, jason's, a fighter
and a lover.

It's a little——okay.

I'll clean it up.
I clean it up. Don't—...

Melissa.
Yeah?

Can we do a little practice?
No.

Okay, we are gonna be live
in front of the entire school

In a couple of hours, brendon.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry about it.

I'm a writer, I'll fix it.

Um, brendon?
What? Yeah?

Let's run away.

Okay, nobody's running away.

I'm just——i just——i've
got to do some tinkering.

You have to pee?

Tinkering.
Oh.

Brendon, live in front
of the whole school.

Oh, right.

Yes——no—— we can't.
No, we won't.

I won't.

I'll fix it.
I'll fix it.

Brendon, if I don't
get a good grade

On this writers fair thing,
I might have to go

To summer school.

I thought you were already
going to summer school.

Oh, thanks a lot, melissa.

I was trying to get him going.
Oh.

Jason, don't worry.

You won't have to go
to summer school.

No, he does have to go
to summer school.

Melissa.

Guys, I have
to go tinker.

This is a poem we wrote.

Yeah, perry and I
wrote a poem——
yeah.

And we're gonna read it
for you right now.
Right now.

For the writers fair.
Okay.

Ready.
Okay.

Um, wait a second.

We were supposed
to have a podium.

Yeah, we're supposed to——
we requested a podium.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Okay.
That's better.

This poem is called——
this poem is called—-

And we wrote it together.
Yeah, we wrote it together.

It's a poem called—-
"we hate fenton"

By walter and perry.

Ready?
Yeah.

Both:
we hate fenton
'cause fenton sucks.

We hate fenton,
fenton so much.

Fenton smells bad
and fenton sucks.

Fenton, fenton,
we hate you.

You're an idiot
and I hope you turn blue

Because you can't breathe.

Fenton, fenton, fenton,
fenton, hate you.

Wow, aren't they great.

Aren't they great.

Lynch:
big hand for walter and perry.

Walter and perry:
we were not finished.

Oh, yes you were.

Thank you. Next time.

Walter and perry: jinx——jinx.
Okay. Good.

Next up is a one—act play
written by and starring

Natasha, ooh, kik——kikfeckus——
ketchupfest.

Am I pronouncing that correctly?

How about a big hand
for natasha.

Lynch: natasha.

Mother, I'm home.

The horse bit me again
and foamed at the mouth.

Natasha: mother——

Brendon, uh, you're on next.

I know.

Nervous?
No.

You should be.

This counts for all
of your grade.

What?

Just kidding.

But mother I cannot eat a chair
and I cannot feel my arm.

Lynch: she's good.

She's very good. Yeah.

The piano player's great.

Brendon:
the piano player's fantastic.

Mother!

Huh! Mcguirk!

One more session, you can
buy a dvd player, all right.

You want a dvd, right?

Coach, coach.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

Dvd, dvd!

Eye on the prize, baby.

I'm so tired...

Wake up!

I need more coffee.

I need the noise.

What happened to the noise?

Start digging up the street
again, for the love of god.

Okay, okay.

Natasha——
isn't she something?

Yes.

Now, please welcome a scene
by brendon, jason, and melissa

In a brendon small production.

Here they are.

Forget the script.

What?

Are you crazy?

No, he's right.

Let's run away.

Okay, guys, hum.

♪ Rice is nice ♪

♪ But it's just a grain ♪

Uh—...

♪ I like rice just the same ♪

♪ So I'm not insane ♪

Hit it.

♪ Well, rice is nice
and I'm not insane ♪

Brendon:
♪ rice, rice, rice ♪

Rice.

Hola, I am spanish rice.

Hello, I am pilaf.

And this, my friend, is wild.

I'm a wild rice.

Wild rice.

Wild rice.

That's right.

That's his name.

Wild rice.

You got it.
Get wild.

Get wild. Get wild.

That's right.

Paula:
sheila looked out over
the vast grand canyon.

It was big, it was vast,
it was grand.

Lockwood took some pictures,
then realizing

He could never show
them to anyone,

Tossed the camera
into the canyon below.

"That's us," said lockwood
sporting a healthy

Wind—burned cheek.

"We are like a disposable
falling camera in a canyon

"That's constantly
careening off things"?

Oh, my god, this is awful.

♪ Long grain or short grain ♪

♪ Brown or white ♪

♪ Rice is the nicest grain
I like ♪

Yay for rice.

Thank you.
Whoo!

Thank you.

All right.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming out.

That has been the writers fair.

All right.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

I mean everybody
back to class, now.

Mr. Mcguirk?

Mr. Mcguirk?

You can't stay here.

Huh, what?

Mr. Mcguirk,
you're sleeping again.

Go home.
Your insomnia is cured.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, it isn't.

I was just dozing.

It's different.

I'm sorry, mr. Mcguirk,
we can't do it anymore.

Do what?

We can't have you at
the sleep study program

If you're sleeping.

Come on, a hundred and fifty
more bucks.

Dvd player!

Oh.
Oh.

He was a good subject.

Yeah.

Well, I better
call the police.

Yeah.

Mcguirk: dvd player!