03x08 - Guitarmageddon

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

You guy's,
don't break anything.
Yeah, yeah.

Guys, look, cowbells.
Whoops.
I'll get that. Whoops.

Be careful. You break it,
you bought it.
Hey, what's this?

It's a rainstick,
jason.
Oh.

That's why the big sign
behind you says "rainsticks."

Right. But what is it?
That doesn't help me out much.
Pick it up.

Uh-huh. Is it raining?

See, it sounds like rain.
No, it doesn't.

It sounds exactly
like rain.
I don't think so.

Actually, it doesn't
sound exactly like rain.

It sounds more like little beans
falling inside of a cylinder.

That's what the actual title
of the stick should be called.

Little beans falling
inside a cylinder?
Yeah.

How much stuff
should we get?

Um, a lot, because we need
lots of noisemakers.

Right, because most of
our movies lack texture.

Exactly.
Well, see, melissa...
Yeah?

We need better sound effects.
Everything sounds stale
in our movies.

I know. I was just saying,
"how much should we get?"

Melissa, all movies
are relying on sound.
All movies.

What about silent movies?

Well, those are classics,
melissa.

They're classics.

The old black-and-whities
they called 'em.

That's not what they called 'em.
Right. They called
'em talkies.

Yeah, they called 'em
talkies.

No. They called them
silent movies.

No, before there was silent,
there was talkies.

No, talkies was
after silent movies.
Melissa.

Melissa, talkies is
an old expression.

That's when you
talk in the movie.

It's important to know a little
about the history of movies.

I agree.

Right.
Right.

Go watch a talkie
and then...

Oh, look! A triangle.
Oh, wow.

Relative minor to g sharp.
C sharp minor.

Note to green flat
major sharp 11.

E flat g knifes to a b flat e
knifes to an a natural.

If I'm vamping f sharp minor
to b seventh flat nine,
what scale...

F sharp dorian or f natural
mix veridian flat seven.
Make it sing for me.

♪♪

Now make it sound angry.

Check your b string.
Uh-oh.

Sextuplet sequence to g ionian
starting on the tonic.

♪♪

Make it sound like
my old lady's cat.
Which one?

The tabby.

Okay, now make it
tell a joke.

Who's there?♪♪

Say that again.

♪♪Duane, that's a good one.

That's a dirty one.
Yeah. You know,

Soon you're not
gonna need me, duane.

What? Why not?
I've taught you
everything I know.

Wow.
You've got it all
in your fingers.

Yeah.
Everything that was in my
fingers is in your fingers.

Oh, geez.
Yeah.

Wow.
Yeah.

Geez.
Yeah.

♪♪

Look at us! Look!
Look now! Look! Look at us!

Hey!
Look, we're doing it!
We can play violin.

We can do it!
We can do it!

We can do it!
We can do it!

We just wrote a song.
It's called...
"We can do it"!

From the top!
Ready?

- Yeah!
- We can do it!

We can do it!
We can play violin!
We can play...

That sounds good.
Yeah, like it's raining
on a cow.

Who's being hit
by a stick.
Yeah.

Never had a lesson.

Uh, hey, look.

"Super cheap guitar, bass,
drum rentals and lessons."

That sounds kind of cool,
doesn't it?

I call drums.
I call guitar.

Guys, I'm not playing bass.

Why?
Yeah, bass is really
important to music.

Then you guys
play the bass then.

No way.
You can both play bass.
I'll play drums.

Jason, listen.
Bass is thankless.

Nobody cares
about the bass player.

He's the loser of the group.

That's not true.
He is.

That's not true, is it?

There's two reasons
that you should play bass.

One, is because it's very
important to music,

And the other is because
brendon and I already called
the other instruments.

I called guitar.
And I called drums.

I don't like when you guys
take advantage

Of the speed factor
'cause I don't...

You snooze, you lose.
Yeah.

Then I'll play rainstick.

No. We don't
need a percussionist.
I'll be keyboard.

For me and melissa's style,
we need a solid bass player

- And that's what you are now, I guess.
- Yeah.

- It's settled. We're a band.
- That was easy.

Great. I call front seat
on the way back.
In what?

- We walked here.
- Yeah.

Oh.

I'm f...
Every which way.

What's up, guys?
Hey, duane, we're a band now.

Maybe you could
jam with us sometime.

Yeah, you wanna
be in our band?
Uh, geez.

I guess i, um...

I got a lot of ba*ls
in the air.
Yeah.

A lot of projects going on
at the same time, so...

That's a no.

♪♪

Wow, he's good.

He's really good.
You know that guy, duane?

Yeah, that's jimmy monet.

Yeah, he's pretty good, duane.

He's okay, I mean, he's been
playin' a lot longer than me.

He's like 17 or 18. He has
some sloppy picking problems.

He's also kind of a jerk.

Yeah, but to the untrained ear,
you really can't tell.

♪♪

What's up, duane?

What's up, jimmy?
Checkin' out new axes.

The frets are worn down.
Too much playin' I guess.

I'm hungry. When are we eating?
We're supposed to eat.

One time I ate frogs legs,
but then I threw up everywhere...

In a second,
little mama.

Real reason I came here was
did you sign up yet?

What?
Did you sign up?
The guitar contest.

What? No.
I didn't know about it yet.

Oh, I understand.

Probably want another year
to practice, right?

But then I'd be
another year better too,

And you'd be playing catch-up.

What's funny?
I say somethin' funny?

Nah, I was just...
I thought...

That wasn't so bad, was it?

Come on, clarice.
Let's go.

Here I am! I think I passed out
because I'm so hungry.

One time I passed out
on the bus. One time
I slept through halloween.

Let's go, little mama.
I want burritos.
How much money you got?

Bye, duane.

I don't care what happens.
You have to beat that guy.

Yeah.
What a jerk.

You'll beat him.
Right, duane?

You can take him.
Right, duane?

Right, duane?

So...

Uh, I gotta go, man.

♪♪

Okay, why again would you
want to take up the guitar?

Why? I'm a boy from the suburbs.
It's my destiny.

I just want you
to think about it.

I don't think
the guitar is for you.
Uh-huh.

Maybe the recorder.

Let me play guitar! Please.

It's loud. Okay? Just you
talking about it is loud.

Okay, okay, okay.

It's got too many strings.

It's not...

Fine. You can take up
the guitar, okay?

I love you.
I know, but I want
to see improvement.

No problem.
You really have to
learn to play it.

Okay, okay.
Whoops! Uh-oh.

I used to do that.
I didn't know you
played guitar, coach.

I didn't. I just
carried one around.
It's a phase I went through.

It was the '70s,
you know?
Yeah.

Everybody had a prop.
Right.

If anybody asked me to play,
I'd just complain
that I had tendonitis.

Why didn't you just
learn how to play?
'Cause it's hard.

It's too hard. Anything too hard
in life is not worth doing.
Remember that.

Okay.
Like snowboarding
or martial arts.

You know?
Yeah.

Pottery.
Right.

Or, um, math.
Right.

My point is, brendon,
if you're not immediately good
at something, why do it? Right?

Right.
You know what
I was good at, brendon?

Drinking?
I was a good roadie.

Did that for a while
in the early '80s.

Sure.
Local band. They were
called alligator shoes.

They were awesome.

Yeah.
They all wore alligator shoes.
That was the gimmick.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah. We had a good run at it.
Yeah.

You ever feel
like goin' back there and doing
the roadie thing again?

Every day, brendon.
Of course.
That was the life.

Settin' up amps.
Pluggin' 'em in.
You know?

Yeah.
Checkin' the mics.

Sure.
That was the life.

Gig after gig after gig.
Must have been some ladies
out there, huh?

Kidding me?

Yeah.
The fights.

Yeah.
I loved the fights.

Yeah. That's
pretty cool stuff, man.

So you ever...
The food.
The food was good.

Yeah.
I'd have to
put out the food.

Sandwiches.
Puttin' out cookies.

Fruit and stuff.
Puttin' out, like, milk.
Checkin' the date.

The only major conflict
was we never traveled.
Oh.

We were a local band.

So I guess you couldn't
officially call me a roadie.
Right.

I was more like a helper.
A "helpie."

People called me, like,
"oh, you roadie
for alligator shoes?"

I'd say, "yeah.
Yeah, I roadie for 'em."

You used the word roadie,
but in reality...

But there was no actual
driving or going anywhere.
Right.

You can't write down
"helpie" on a résumé.

I'll tell you something.
I think about it every day.

I mean, that was my youth.
Right.

If I had the chance,
I'd do it again.

If somebody was putti"
a band together,
yeah.

Needed a "helpie,"
I'd do it.

Hmm. Well, that's
interesting.

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo! ♪
♪ Wow-wow! ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo! ♪
♪ Party! ♪

♪ Whoop-whoop! ♪
♪ What's goin' on? ♪

♪ Yow-yow! ♪
♪ Rock 'n' roll! ♪

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

We're stopped.

J...
What the f...

Seriously!
Oh, my god!

- What did you think, coach?
- I hate it!

Why don't you play a song?
I been here an hour and a half.
All you done is make noise.

That was a song.
Yeah, that's called "freaky
outtie." I wrote the bass parts.

Yeah, it's our first song.
We just wrote it.

I was just playing, then jason
and melissa joined in.

Two, three, four!
♪ Freaky! ♪

♪ Outtie! ♪
♪ Freaky! ♪

♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

Stop it! Stop! Stop!
Stop playing!

Stop playing.

You guys sound horrible.

Hi, paula.
I'm in your basement.

Hi.
How are ya?

You look nice.
Thank you.

What do you think, mom?

I think it's terrible.

Well, you guys suck.
I'm leaving. It's 7:00.
I got book club.

Oh, shucks.
I'm late for my lesson.

Okay, shall we begin then?
Where's your guitar?

I, uh, uh...

♪♪

Duane. You haven't
taken out the trash, duane.

You promised that you would
take out the trash.

Duane.
Duane!

After dinner. Right now,
it's practice. Gee!

Well, it's dinnertime now,
duane.

We all eat together. Let's go.
Hop to it, mister.

You take out the trash, man!
You take out the trash!

I'm practicin' my riffs, man!

You come in, you ask me
to take out the trash, man!

Man, you take it out.
Geez! Take out the...

Stupid allowance.
Whoops!

Aw, geez, man.

Whoops-a-daisy.

Hey, duane,
is that raspberry?

I always drop blueberry.
One time I dropped an egg.

That chicken hated me,
but I hated her first.

I grew up on a farm.
Enough.

Man. All right.
Let's split, guys.

Hey, duane.

What?

Let's hope you can
hold your guitar

Better than you can
hold your drink.

See you
at the contest, man.

Clarice.

Yeah?
Got money?

Yeah.
Good.

I have $3.92 left.

How do you know that?

I count it
every four minutes.

What a weird little mama.

♪♪

Play me something, brendon.
A little soccer music.

I would, but I have a slight
case of tendonitis.

Nicely done.
How's your band goin'?
Still suck?

We don't suck. We just
have a different sound.
Different sound that sucks.

What's up, strings?
Nothin'. What's up, low-end?

Nothin'.
What's up, sticks?

Nothin'.
What the hell is going on
with you people?

You on drugs? Huh?
No.

With all the nicknames?
What are those, drug nicknames?

No, they're band nicknames.

These nicknames
kinda came up one day
and they all kinda stuck.

Isn't that right, low-end?

You got it, sticks.

You guys brought
the demo over?

Yup.
Cool.

We're lettin' some people,
uh, sample the magic.

Hey, give him a taste.
All right.

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
Shut it down.

Shut it down.

What do you think?
Yeah, what do you think?

That's the, uh...
That's the same song I was
hearin' in the basement, right?

Yeah.

It's gettin' better.

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

Stop, please, stop.
Wait, wait.
Here comes my favorite part.

♪ Whoo-whoo! ♪
Yeah!
Did you hear that?

Wait, let me rewind it.

No, no, no.
Stop! Stop! Stop, brendon.

Is that what your teacher
taught you? Are those chords?
No, that's...

Don't you start
with basic chords?
No, mom.

Mom, I learned that stuff
from the streets.

I wanna know what you're
learning from your lessons.
I know something.

Do you even know the names
of the strings?

Of course I do. I know
the names of the strings.

Okay, what are they?
I call this one pinky
and this one winky.

And this one's linky.
Okay, stop it.

If you don't learn
how to play the guitar
I'm going to take it back

Because I'm not interested
in wasting money, all right?

So learn to play
the guitar right.
Okay. Whoops.

Okay, I have a few
guitar questions.
Okay, what do you wanna know?

First of all,
how do you play it?
Like this.

♪♪Oh, that's how.

Yeah.
I don't think I have
any other questions.

Okay.
You know what you're gonna do
for the guitar contest?

I don't know. Probably
do something like this.

♪♪

Yeah.
Duane!

What? Geez!

I just received your
report card in the mail.

Oh, boy.
Dad, can this wait?
I have a guest over.

Uh, hi.
Hello.

I'm sorry, but you know
how important your grades
are to your future.

And you're just
throwing it away.
I don't care.

You don't care
about your future?

I don't care about
report cards!

Oh, boy! You didn't
just say that, did you?

I don't care about report cards.
I only care about guitar.

He doesn't mean that, sir.
He cares about tons of things.

I only care about guitar!
Ah, well.

Hand me your guitar.
It's going in the closet until
you get your act together.

Stupid report card!
Supposed to come next week!
Not this week! Geez, man!

That stinks. The guitar contest
is tomorrow and you don't even
have a guitar.

I know!
What are we gonna do?

Jimmy monet can't win.

This is bad, duane. Very bad.
Mind if I use your tape deck?

I don't' care.

♪ Freaky! ♪
Sometimes I put this on
when I'm feeling down.

Just relax, duane.
Just relax.

Everything's gonna be fine.
♪ Outtie! ♪

You like what you're hearing?
This is our first single.

Yes. So you heard it? Great.
So, what'd you think?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Two of us are eight.
The other one's seven.

Years old. Yes. Hello?

So how'd it go?
Well, what did they say?

Yeah, when's
our limousine coming?
Record deal didn't happen.

What?
No way.

That's not fair.
I know. I know.

Not good. Not good.

Embarrassing.

I already moved out
of my parents' house
and I got a place.

I already had
that money spent.

Maybe we could just try a
different style of music.

No way, melissa.
We don't sell out.

We're not changing.
Well, hear her out.

What'd you have in mind?
Maybe country?

Oh, my god.
You're out of the band.

Whoa, what do you think
we should do, jason?

We should get a new drummer.
We should get
a new bass player.

The drumming is the problem.
The problem is
jason can't rock.

I dare you
to say that again.

I know what
the real problem is.

We don't have
a good name for the band.

Yes, we do.
I already told you.
The surprisers.

Hate it.
Hate it too.
Jason, any ideas?

Yes. The chocolate factory.
Not bad.

What do you think of this?
Brendon poppins
and the chimney sweeps.

Eww.
It's got a ring to it.
No question about that.

Ugh!
Brendon poppins
and the chimney sweeps.

Mm-hmm.
How about the jasons?

How about melissa
and the other two?

Um, brendon.
Yeah.

Melissa's fired.

Um, brendon.
Yeah.

Jason's fired.
Let's wrap this up.

I have to meet duane
at the guitar contest.
What else? Read the list.

"What's our name?"
Did that.

"How do we get a record
contract?" Did that. "Video."

Well, the floor's open.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to guitarmageddon.

Our competitors tonight will be
judged by a series of criteria.

Technical ability, musicality,
stage presence and finally, uh...

No, wait. That was it.

Now help me welcome to the stage
the first competitor,

A gentleman known simply
as finger master.

Oh, come on, brendon.
Where are you?

Let's wrap this up.
I have to go meet duane
and give him my guitar.

I have an announcement
to make, bandmates.
Yeah?

I'm leaving the band.

'Cause I hate it
and I'm going solo.
All right?

That's interesting because I
have an announcement of my own.
I'm also going solo.

You should do what I do.
What's that?

Just repeat everything I say.

That was an idea I already had.
You just spoke before me.
Right. Sure.

I have a name for
my solo band. Do you?

Yeah, I do.
Mine's called
the chocolate factory.

That was my name.
I know, but I liked it
and you're not using it.

They're all my ideas anyway.
You can't have chocolate factory
for free, melissa.

That's mine.
You don't own it.

I copyrighted it.
I mailed it to myself.

As soon as you send me the
paperwork, I will believe you.
You're a huge b*tch.

Let's wrap this up.
I really have to go.

Right. So we're settled.
I'm out and melissa's out.

We're each pursuing
our own solo bands.

Brendon, are you still in
or you want to get out?
I have to go.

Well, are you gonna do
a solo project or not?

I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
All right.

Brendon, wait.
Before you go...
Yes?

Should we get
back together?

Maybe we should
all talk about it.
Oh, boy!

♪♪Whoops! Okay, uh, whoops!

Y'all better be quiet 'cause
I can't concentrate. Whoops.

Oh, come on, brendon.

Hey, duane,
where's your guitar?

How're you gonna compete
without your guitar?

I don't know.

What are you gonna do,
go up there and sing?

Hey, I'm duane.
Here's my solo.

♪ Weedly-weedly-wee ♪
good night!

♪♪

Oh, I shouldn't have done that.
I wasn't finished.

Oh, whew!

Sorry I was late.
Here. Wait.

Be good to her, duane.
Be good to her.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together

For our next
competitor, dana.

Duane.

♪♪

♪♪

Stupid rental piece of crap!

Geez!

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

The judges have tallied
their votes

And we do indeed
have a winner.

Third place goes
to mr. Fingers.

I'm sorry, uh,
finger master.

Second place
goes to pauly fretstein.

And finally,
first place goes to

Jimmy monet!

You were robbed, man.
I don't care.

Whatever.
That guy's a jerk.

You were robbed, duane.
I was robbed once.

In seventh grade, some girl
cleaned out my locker.

But I got her back.
I poisoned her.

You really
should have won, duane.

Your piece was
way more musical.

See, duane, I told you.
So?

Besides, jimmy's sweep arpeggios
were really sloppy.

How do you know
about sweep arpeggios?

I know a lot about guitar.
Oh.

Did you notice when I did
that string skipping link?

That was awesome! I'd like
to see that slowed down.

I'll show you when I get
my guitar back from my dad.

Your dad took
your guitar away?
Yeah.

My dad took my stereo away.
Wow, 'cause of grades?

No, he took it away because
I set some paint on fire.
Oh.

Well, I had bad grades.

Guys, I'm gonna split. I have no
idea what you're talking about.

Hey, are you hungry?
Yeah.

You want to get
something to eat?
Sure.

With me?
Yeah, I have $1.57
and I also have a nickel.

That's cool.

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo! ♪
♪ Wow-wow! ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo! ♪
♪ Party! ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo! ♪
♪ What's goin' on? ♪

♪ Yeah yeah! ♪
♪ Rock 'n' roll! ♪

Okay, I love you, brendon,
but I hate this song.

If I hear it again,
I'll divorce you.
Tell me what you really think.

I have to confess
something, brendon.
I don't wanna hear it.

I sold your guitar.
You did?

Yes.
Mom, that was a rental.

It was?
Yeah.

Huh.
Well, I forgive you.
I'm a terrible musician, mom.

And combined with jason
and melissa we might be
the worst band ever.

I totally agree with you.
Oh.

Um, mom, you might want
to leave the room.

Why? Oh!

♪ Freaky! ♪

No way, brendon.
I'm not doin' it.

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
Come on!
♪ Outtie ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

♪ Freaky! ♪
♪ Outtie! ♪

Yeah!
Yeah!

That's my son.

Hey, mom,
you're in the band.