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Kneecap (2024)

Comedy Movie Collection.
(Buddy/Dark/Black/Parody/Screwball/Slapstick/Sketch/Satire/Spoof/Mock/Comedians/etc.)

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Comedy Movie Collection.

Kneecap (2024)

Post by bunniefuu »

(VO) D'you know what?

Every f*ck' story about

Belfast starts like this.

(series of explosions)

But not this one and don't

be acting the f*ck' balloon,

that's not the start.

This is the start.

With my best mate, Naoise,

when he was a wee baby,

and his ma, Dolores,

out in ma nature...

This wasn't his ma's idea

at all.

Naoise's da, Arlo,

well, he wanted his firstborn

baptised here

at this secret Mass Rock.

It was a tribute to the

Irish Catholics who,

just a few generations ago,

gave the middle finger to

British rule by sneaking here

to practise their own religion

and speak their own language.

(helicopter)

Except the peelers went

and thought

they'd uncovered themselves

an IRA training camp.

(helicopter louder)

So on the day wee baby Naoise

was supposed to be taken

by the light of Christ,

instead he got the full beams

of an RUC chopper.

(muffled shrieks)

f*ck off!!!

(helicopter fading)

(VO) I mean, what f*cking

chance did the wee boy have?

techno

Powerful

Me and Naoise, we got our

first taste for drugs

at Ireland's most infamous

criminal finishing school.

Powerful

(sirens)

Stop! Stop there!

Powerful

(congregation coughing)

(coughing)

Next Sunday, that congregation

doubled.

Powerful, powerful

That's drugs for you -

they bring you closer to God.

For Naoise and me, they were

our f*cking calling.

and as Mass Rocks proved

nothing gets between us Taigs

and our religion.

(dogs barking) (sirens)

(loud bellow)

Didn't matter what community

in the north of Ireland

you came from,

we could always find

common ground

in a love for throwin' sh*t

at the Peelers.

And as for Naoise,

he was off learning

that public transport

doesn't mix well

with ketamine.

(distorted techno music playing)

(music stops)

As for myself, tonight

I learnt what it's like

getting bitten by a dog

wiped on MDMA.

It feels... (dog snarls)

...f*cking mental.

(sirens)

Okay.

(school bell)

(chairs scrape back)

(sigh)

(news)

Northern Ireland's government

has in the last hour collapsed

over failure to agree on

an Irish Language Act

giving the minority language

equal legal status to English.

Many republicans see the

language as an expression

of their political identity.

They say it's a matter

of civil rights.

(interviewee) The Irish

language is my heart and soul.

If it was the colour of my skin

and you could easily identify

me as being of a different

colour, and the DUP said,

'We can't give equal rights

to this guy',

I think the issue would

be clearer.'

(cheering and applause)

(phone buzzing)

Hello.

Yes, it is.

What... Now?

Nothing but a hood.

H double O D.

Lowlife scum.

Waste of f*cking space.

Do I look like I want to read

(speaking Irish)

Why don't you just speak

the Queen's English?

You...

(VO) This was a fair question,

though rudely asked.

For me to respond to this

sectarian prick in Irish,

I'd have to say something

along the lines of...

(speaking Irish)

Which means:

'May the lowest stone in the

sea be on top of your head'.

You do get there a lot quicker

with...

(water splashing)

Stop that, they'll catch

a cold!

I'm proud to have learnt

my irregular verbs

on a wall covered in shite!

-Aye, your own shite!

-Aye.

And you know what that shite

smelt like?

Freedom.

Not when I've been in the

toilet after you it doesn't.

What'll the next class be,

Grade 1 tunnelling?

Yoga actually, Ma.

Leave them be to get on

with their real homework.

Catch yourself on!

Pity your ma, Naoise.

Born with Irish in her mouth.

Now disowns her own

mother tongue...

Get you home, your mammy will

think we've kidnapped you.

A wee operation for youse.

I want you to sit down tonight

and watch an American Western

on the telly.

But here's the thing:

Watch it from the Indian's

point of view, ok?

And remember:

(VO)

And then Naoise's da was gone.

Like, gone gone.

Turns out since leaving jail

Arlo was having an affair with

blowing up anything British.

He blew this up.

And this.

And...

Alright, that one didn't

go off.

Anyway, three years after

going on the run,

Arlo fell to his death

from a fishing boat.

(splash)

Or, if you believe

the peelers, he didn't.

With his dead body

never found,

Arlo couldn't be proved dead,

and with his alive body

never found,

Arlo couldn't be proved alive.

The dead Arlo had his funeral.

And the alive Arlo remained

on the run.

And to this day, just having

met the man

was enough to have some lump

spitting in your beak over it.

I mean, Arlo was right

about one thing:

Cowboys... were proper c**ts.

(door opens)

Move!

This is Mr O Dochartaigh.

(door closes)

He is an Irish interpreter.

I'm not...

-D'you speak Irish?

-Aye.

That'll do.

What's he saying?

Just discussing the furniture.

So, eh, what are we

doing here?

Resisting arrest,

public nuisance,

and unless he can

somehow prove

he can't speak the language

of his home country,

then we can throw in

obstructing the police

in the execution

of their duty.

Am I supposed

to translate that?

I think he understood

just fine.

(suspenseful music)

(voices on TV) (door closes)

(door slamming)

What's this mean?

'I got up this morning,

well, at the end of the day.

Before I leave the bed,

a spliff and a cup of tea,

'Now I've a big night ahead

of me because of yesterday,

I spent all my DLA on MDMA.'

I want you to look for any

reference to an Arlo...

...O Caireallain.

(speaking Irish)

What's he saying?

(loud smack)

Aye... eh... he says

he doesn't have to prove

Irish is his only language

because

absence of evidence

is not evidence of absence.

It's just a basic principle

of modern justice.

-He said that?

-Yeah.

And he says that, furthermore,

and notwithstanding

the aforementioned,

he sees no reason to prove

that he cannot speak English

because he is here asserting

his right to speak Irish.

(loud smack)

Hmm!

(suspenseful music)

(beat rising to crescendo)

Sit down!

(door opens)

(guttural cry)

(grunts)

(TV voices)

(reflective music)

(traffic sounds)

(rap beat)

(rustling)

(beat stops)

(electronic sounds)

(beat resumes)

(rapping in Irish)

(music fades)

(VO) What d'you call a Provo

that's become

a yoga instructor?

Bobby Sandals.

You bring a stolen car here?

Here?

So you bought this, did you?

You're putting the whole

operation at risk...

Every day I am not captured

is a psychological victory

against the occupiers,

that's the operation.

What's this, drugs?

'Think I don't have eyes in

Belfast? I hear things.

I know where you'll end up.

You'll end up face down

in an alley.

You don't speak Irish.

You might know the words

but you don't understand

the language.

It is the light that guides us

towards our freedom.

Those who see it,

stand up for it.

You don't stand for f*ck all.

(waves crashing)

No, she wasn't.

I need you to do something

for me.

Arrange a memorial service.

For me. It's 10 years next

month since, y'know...

These peelers won't let me

rest in peace.

I need something to remind

our community I'm dead,

make it harder for these

RUC b*stards

to keep behaving

like I'm alive.

I thought maybe you'd be doing

something anyway, but...

What did you expect me to do?

(sigh)

If you got pulled over

and they found that...

Use your head, lad.

(door slams)

sombre music

(loud rap beat)

(VO) They called our generation

the Ceasefire Babies

as if our only defining

feature was

we were not the sh*t that came

before us.

Maybe they were right.

Maybe we were only ever gonna

be the moment after the moment

just as f*cked up and

miserable as the last

only with less chance of gettin'

-blown up to escape it all.

-(laughs)

But we still found ways

to escape it all...

(beat rises to crescendo)

You've heard of

intergenerational trauma, right?

-Right.

-Our history...

-Our history has become...

-Our biology.

It's like the trauma

our ancestors suffered

...has inserted itself...

...has actually inserted itself

into our genetic code.

Post-traumatic stress

disorder.

-Psychological...

-Reverberations...

Reverberations.

Reverberations.

A.D.H.D. O.D.D.

-The Troubles?

-The Troubles?

(loud explosions)

I've got f*cking troubles.

I just pray that this medicine

grants me some relief.

D'you not think I'd be better

going straight in with 500mg?

Is there... something else?

I've got a bit of a problem...

...down south...

...with my mickey.

Ok.

-It's political.

-Your problem?

My mickey.

See, I've no problem

pulling birds.

I can do that no bother,

anytime.

upbeat music

(girl laughs)

LIAM: This isn't the first bap

you've buttered.

Just can't get the wee man

to stand to attention...

Go on.

(moans)

(woman squealing)

(bedsprings creaking)

Without a King Billy

loving Prod.

And there's this weird wee

Tourettes thing before I...

(groans)

-(loud smacks)

-(thud)

...until the other week I met

this wee ride, Georgia.

(gasping)

Say it again!

Again!

Don't you dare c*m!

I wanna blow you like

a Brighton hotel.

(gasping)

romantic music

Have you thought about...

...seeing a priest?

(music stops abruptly)

(someone playing scales

on fife)

(tense silence)

(spaghetti western music)

(music speeds up)

Oi!

(clamouring)

(The Prodigy:

Smack My b*tch Up)

Female Arabic singer

vocalising

(car radio) This is a community

who live their lives

through Irish

through the schooling,

youth clubs, arts projects,

through the GAA clubs.

And for them, there's been

a very, very strong...'

Change my pitch up!

(triumphant yell)

Top man!

What the f*ck...!

-f*ck!

-Here!

Oh bollocks!

(gaming arcade sounds)

(roller door opening)

(roller door closing)

backing track

(sighs)

(sparkle sound)

(sniffing)

(loud beat)

Pissed off,

Sittin' around,

No money in our pockets

for going out,

We're sick and tired

of being skint,

but that's all gonna change

tonight.

Me and Mo Chara,

We're making plans,

And there's gonna be

a downpour, oh bam, bam, bam,

Soon we'll be drowning

in cash,

Well-earned of course,

young renegade,

Run around, trying to grab

what I can,

Look, Mo Chara,

there's a security van,

Now, look, man, don't wanna

do you no harm,

Just listen carefully

and I'm sure it'll be grand.

'Cause my friend, Mo Chara,

he's a bit of a psycho,

The type of fella loses

the head at a typo,

So whatever you do,

do whatever he says,

(rapping in Irish)

(in English) Mgla

get the noose

I'll proper introduce myself

I'm Mo Chara,

and I'm not well,

Are yiz ready for abuse?

But first, I'm sure

you're thinking, aw look,

I seem decent and clever,

Don't I feel bad

for this ever?

Guilty conscience,

no thanks,

I meditate and have

plenty of wanks,

I never spare a second

thought for c**ts in suits,

When the revolution comes

I'm first out to loot, yeah!

New guds (new guds),

happy days (happy days),

So much comfort when

you don't have to pay,

And when I'm happily tripped

in designer gear,

Then all of you c**ts are

getting one behind the ear.'

(fades)

(silence)

(exhales)

Something like that?

Guilty conscience, no thanks

(no thanks)

I meditate and have...

(loud beat)

(roller door opening)

New guds, (new guds),

Happy days, (happy days)

So much comfort

when you don't have to pay,

And when I'm happily tripped

in designer gear,

Then all of you c**ts are

getting one behind the ear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(laughing)

(music ends)

(discordant acoustic music)

(rising cacophony)

(school bell rings)

(indistinct chatter)

(screeching)

(roller door opening)

music on repeat

(gasping)

Don't you touch me,

you filthy Taig!

You've interned my d*ck!

Now for the hard

interrogation...

(groaning)

That's right -

confess, confess...

Never.

Spill your secrets inside me,

you Fenian c**t!

(gasping)

Northern Ireland!

-North of Ireland!

-Northern Ireland!

North of Ireland!

Northern Ireland!

The North of Ireland!

Oh!

Celtic... are... f*cking...

shite!

Leave Celtic out of this!

Wait till I get onto the Pope.

(exhales)

(sighs)

soft music

Right. I suppose I may go here

before your f*cking Black and

Tan da walks through the door.

I live with my aunt.

Well, go on then.

I'm going.

This can never work.

Suits me.

Maybe.

Or maybe you're scared.

Scared of you?

Of not me.

Of being with someone who

might ditch you for you -

not just what foot

you dig with.

Bollocks.

Ok then, tell me something

about you.

Something you've never told

anyone else.

I'm a rapper.

(snorts) Stop spoofing.

I'm a rapper - Irish hip-hop.

What the f*ck is that?

Hip-hop - in Irish.

-Why Irish?

-Why not?

When's your next gig?

Soon.

Let us listen to

something then.

Maybe next time.

What makes you think

there'll be a next time?

Here, what's your rap

group called?

beat

Kneecap?

(muffled digging)

suspenseful beat

(whistles)

(distant shoveling)

f*ck me, I never saw

the b*stards comin'...

(VO) When I said I'd booked us

a gig what I meant was,

my Uncle Peadar said we could

play in his bar

if I sorted some old folk

smoke for his gout.

JJ only agreed to DJ

if he could set up his decks

in the store cupboard,

just in case he was spotted

by any pupils.

His paranoia was not helped

by his new love affair

with the 'schniff'.

rap beat

(in Irish)

(English accent) Young man,

we caught you

damaging public property.

You are coming to the station

so we can talk properly.'

(music ends)

(feedback from mike)

moody music

upbeat vibe

(VO) You know, in West Belfast,

the only thing worse than

getting arrested and charged

is getting arrested

and not charged.

(music stops)

This yours?

(exhales)

Game over! (stupid laugh)

Well, well, well, well,

well, well, well, well...

Look who it is here, look,

Bone th*gs and No Harmony!

(snickering)

I hear you got scooped.

-What they charge you with?

-f*ck all.

They just gave me a hiding.

Or maybe you're just

a dirty 10 pound tout.

Sorry. Who would I be touting

on exactly?

Us.

Who the f*ck are 'Us'?

Us is us. We are us.

The Radical Republicans

Against Drugs.

That's right.

How the f*ck do you

pronounce that?

-R-RAD.

-R-RAD. R-RAD

Aye, that's right. R-RAD.

We're Rrad.

What, like you've all got

a f*cking s-s-stutter?

f*ck up you, tout.

What have you ever done

to tout about?

Plenty, actually.

We're an active f*cking unit.

Not like the Republican

Volunteers Against Drugs.

Or New Republicans

Against Drugs.

Or New Republicans

Against Drugs.

Or them.

All they ever did

was f*cking slabber.

Don't think I don't know

what youse two are up to.

Runnin' around the woods

sellin' gear like druggie...

f*ck'... eh... wombles. Huh?

Your da will be turning

in his grave.

Peelers say he ain't dead -

it was in the papers.

Word is he ain't dead.

Never mind the word.

Brits don't get to decide

when Irish patriots are dead.

We'll decide when we're dead.

God rest his soul.

Right, tell me

who's supplying you.

(scoffs)

(VO) The truth was, the biggest

drug supplier in West Belfast

was called The Postman.

That wasn't some cool

underworld nickname.

That was his job.

52 f*ck' years.

(whistles)

Some people say the

worldwide web

is the greatest invention

of the 21st century.

Those people have never been

on the Dark Web.

We bought MDMA from Holland,

Ketamine from India,

and Mephedrone from Vietnam.

They arrived disguised

as bath salts, flower seeds,

DVDs, kids toys...

Here, spaceman!

I'm talking to you!

When you gonna get my ball?

When you gonna give me a go

on your f*cking hurl?

Go ahead then.

(groans)

(VO) I'll just skip the bit

where we get

our bollocks knocked in.

(loud kick)

(gasping)

(Irish traditional

rallying song)

O-ro, we welcome

your return

O-ro, we welcome

your return

O-ro, we welcome

your return

Now that summer is coming.

O-ro, we welcome

your return

O-ro, we welcome

your return

O-ro, we welcome

your return

Now that summer is coming.

(singing continues)

(faint music from earphones)

(singing peters out)

(muffled Kneecap song)

Drink all night

with Ronan Mac An Ri

because f*ck the rules

of RTE.

(louder)

R.I.G.H.T.S.

Don't give a f*ck about

any Garda,

R.I.G.H.T.S.

Don't give a f*ck about

any Garda,

A joint lit,

I'm way too quick

Won't be standing

around too long

(man rapping in Irish)

(faint singing from bar)

(clamouring)

Here.

Here. Here. Here.

(snorting)

(coughing)

It's not like we never had

a line of ket before, is it?

(distorted voice)

It'll be 20 minutes

before it kicks in properly...

(voice of Gerry Adams)

..and by then we'll be halfway

done. No need to panic.

What are youse flippin'

staring at?

(stoned music)

(Gerry Adams)

No need to panic!

(echoes)

No need to panic!

'Round and 'round,

Big skins,

down at the mini-mart,

Few loose Capri-suns

and a Mars bar,

Big dirty joint and

I'm all set, round and 'round,

Like my grinder, yeah,

Busy wee man when I'm on tour,

No top, moshpit,

sweaty ba*ls, encore.

Another day, same sh*t,

Pass the stuff,

I'll put one together,

Moglai the builder,

Welcome to the latest,

green branch of Volunteers.

24 hours,

morning until night,

f*ck all else to do

'round here,

Back to the shop to get

a pack of raws.

Caught in a loop

Like I'm tryna read a book

Same page over and over

and over and over...

Ah f*ck, let's watch a movie!

Caught in a loop,

Nothing to do,

It's been too long,

I need an encore

and sweaty ba*ls too.

(English accent) What are we

gonna do tonight?

Same thing we do every night.

-Try to take...

-Drugs.

(crowd cheering)

(kerfuffle)

(music stops)

(door opens)

How many times

I gotta tell you?

He's either dead or dead to me.

Same difference!

Can I come in?

Got a warrant?

You look like sh*t.

Always did think you'd make

a good Avon lady.

You've no shoes on the rack.

Why have you no shoes

on the rack?

What does that got to do

with anything?

Not much. Only I've been in

this game long enough to know

you can still be a victim

of men like Arlo

without a crime

to match it to.

Consider this here

as the knock at the door

before the knock at the door.

Maybe it's their door you

should be knocking on.

Oh, so you want the police's

help now?

Just an observation.

(Detective Ellis) Well, whilst

we're making observations,

him and his wee pals' music,

it's drawing attention from

all the wrong places,

and I count myself among

those places.

Bloody kids, eh?

(Detective Ellis) And when

it all falls down, and it will,

I'm going to be knocking

at your door

with one choice

to dig him out of the rubble.

I won't enjoy it, but don't

doubt for a second I'll do it.

(teakettle whistling)

Remind me, how d'you take

your tea again?

In a cup or straight

in the face?

(broken glass)

(loud beat)

(VO) Arlo's was a strange sort

of memorial service,

given a third of the people

thought he was dead...

He was taken too soon.

...a third of them thought

he was alive...

It's as if he's never gone.

..and the other third were

undercover peelers.

You don't know me but I'm

an old, old friend of Arlo.

Can I buy you a drink?

(camera click)

(clears throat)

(clears throat loudly)

We, the Radical Republicans

Against Drugs,

are gathered to honour the

memory of Arlo O Caireallain.

When I was a wee boy, the

actions of Arlo O Caireallain

against the Imperialist State

were a lesson to me

to follow my dreams,

especially because my dreams

were about k*lling the Brits.

He was like a da to me,

so he was. (voice breaks)

(threatening tone)

In recent months

we have seen a rise

in anti-social behaviour

and drugs.

Now we will not tolerate

these parasites

SUCKING THE LIFE

out of this community

with their hedonistic

and toxic lifestyle.

Let us be clear now, okay?

Anybody found to be involved

in the ill*gal trade of drugs

or encouraging their use

through their actions,

are to be considered

legitimate targets.

And it's what Arlo O Caireallain

would have wanted.

(mutters)

Where's the...?

You were meant to give me that

in the car on the way up.

(g*n c*ck)

(menacing sound effect)

(grunts)

(beat quickens)

-(wee Liam in Irish)

-(clicks)

-(wee Naoise)

-(clicks)

-(wee Liam)

-(clicks)

(wee Naoise)

(loud shot)

(shot)

(laughs)

(siren)

(car door slams)

Is everything okay, officer?

Mind stepping out of the car

for a breathalyser, sir?

-He isn't driving.

-(sarcastically) Isn't he?

Really?

She doesn't know, does she?

Know what?

What about your school?

Do the students call you

Mr DJ Provai, or...?

Harder!

At the station, is that

when it started?

(machine beeps)

I feel like I discovered

the Beatles.

If the Beatles were sh*t.

What is it, some sort of early

onset midlife crisis?

Some men buy a Porsche, you

join a Republican rap group?

Why are you doing this?

(machine beeps)

Pass.

You have a life, a career,

a future...

Remember I can take it all

away from you like that...

Message from on high:

what those hoods have

to say

this city doesn't need to be

hearing, d'you understand?

(defiant beat)

C'mon.

Thanks for your time,

drive carefully.

There's a lot of lowlife scum

around.

I'm a H double-O D,

lowlife scum, that's what

they say about me

A dog with a job,

what the f*ck is that?

When our poor Micky's

just sitting in the flat?

Sippin' on his cans

and smokin' rollies,

'Cause all the best jobs

are taken by the dolies

Squidgy black, yeah craic,

and my spliff every day,

Get the facts, not assess,

Get that note off my car.

It's gonna be a bloodbath,

It's gonna be a bloodbath,

It's gonna be a bloodbath,

(It's gonna be a bloodbath)

Throw a hook, a jab,

and a boot,

I sneak a quick toot,

Then I fire another boot,

For callin' me a fruit,

For tryna take the loot,

But Billy won't be bothering

any more hoods.

'Now for some questions:

Do you want it in your chest,

or your knees or your head,

DJ Provai has the lead,

You can beg, you can plead,

You can tell us what we need.

You can change your name but

you're all the f*cking same!

(VO) Turns out a leafleting

campaign

about how your band gives out

free drugs

really drives ticket sales.

No more pay-to-play-with-hash,

people were paying us cash.

Equals a c*ck brave

for unleashing the beast,

He's beating some fella.

f*cked in to the back of

the jeep,

He falls asleep,

He does it every week.

Get the Brits out now,

A one-way ticket, please,

I've lost my bus pass!

I'm a H double-O D,

Lowlife scum, that's what

they say about me,

I'm a H double-O D,

Lowlife scum, that's what

they say about me,

I'm a H double-O D,

Lowlife scum, that's what

they say about me,

I'm a H double-O D,

Lowlife scum, that's what

they say about me,

(whistles)

(song ends)

(slap)

-What the f*ck was that?

-What the f*ck was that?

Brits Out?!

I've said far worse things

than that to you!

-That's different!

-Sorry!

Hold on. You're giving me more

stick for telling youse to leave

than what I just got for

coming here in the first place.

You don't tell me to leave,

I was f*cking born here!

I don't mean you, Georgia.

'Brits Out'

as in British State, MI5...

Then why didn't you say

that then?

Because it's the chorus

of a f*cking song,

not the 1916 Proclamation!

The wha'?

Don't give me that look 'cos

I don't know some Taig shite!

Who the f*ck are you calling

a Taig?

You! Or should I get up on stage

and say it to the whole world?

You seemed just f*cking fine

in that wee crowd.

Aye! Well, what do you care?

Oh I don't f*cking care.

I never wanna see you again.

I never wanna see you again!

What's happenin', Georgia?

f*ck up.

(TV) We have bigger issues

to tackle in our society

than fawning over a language

spoken by less people

in Northern Ireland

than Polish.

CAITLIN: But you say that as if

it's something to be proud of.

That the native language

of this island

has been driven to

near-extinction.

Type the name Kneecap

into the internet.

So-called Irish language

rappers promoting drug use,

anti-social behaviour

and violence.

One even wears a balaclava

and calls himself DJ Provai.

This is the true face of

the Irish language.

I wouldn't read too much

into that.

Well, if you can't be bothered

to go...

Widow.

Widow.

Oh aye, that lovely Detective

Ellis dropped it 'round.

Why do you think?

I'll take care of it.

You'll do nothing of the sort.

Doing nothing has allowed

our son to be dealing drugs.

That's unacceptable.

This operation will

not fail...

'Operation?'

There is no operation!

Jesus, you're like one of

those Japanese soldiers,

stumbling around some jungle

50 years after the w*r ended.

I sacrificed my life

for the cause.

You sacrificed?

You left us in a prison cell

so you wouldn't have

to go to one.

That lad is becoming something

despite you.

And if you've turned up here

with a mind to get in his way

I'll show you a woman

going to w*r.

Aye.

(door opens, then shuts)

(footsteps) (door opening)

(tense music)

(creaking)

(beat quickens)

(rises towards crescendo)

(VO) Aye so...

...turns out me and Georgia did

want to see each other again.

Auntie!

How can that be

your f*ck' auntie?

-I know, she's a peeler.

-I know she's a f*ck' peeler.

She's gonna sh**t me dead

in your f*ck' hallway!

(laughs) No, she won't.

Unless I tell her you broke in

and...

That's not even f*ck' funny!

(laughs)

Right.

(exhales)

Take it off.

(tense music)

(quick footsteps)

(door slamming)

-He's using you.

-Maybe I'm using him.

He's trying to get at me.

(scoffs) Don't flatter

yourself. He didn't even know.

You believe that?

-Who is he to you?

-Nobody.

Then what's the problem?

The same one that's always

been here.

You mix green and orange

you get brown.

Nobody likes brown.

Some people like brown.

I LIKE BROWN!

Will you take some more soup?

No. I found it

a bit tasteless.

(TV) A Belfast band has been

criticised

for chanting anti-British

slogans at a city centre bar

where Prince William had

spoken 24 hours previously.'

(reporter) The band involved

are called Kneecap.

The incident is making

headlines,

and they've been condemned

by the DUP.'

(players shouting)

(upbeat music)

(VO) There are 80,000 native

Irish speakers in Ireland.

Only 6,000 of them live in

the north of Ireland.

Three of us have

become rappers.

I don't know if we've become

popular by talent

or if it was just our turn.

It's a weird thing suddenly

being seen

when you come from a place

that never even

wanted you to f*cking exist.

I guess sometimes,

change happens on the down low.

Too little to notice until

one day, you can't not notice

and by then everything's

changed.

Including you.

And sometimes change hits

like a filthy bass line.

A boulder being pushed

over a cliff.

You can't control what it's

gonna hit on the way down,

but you can be sure as f*ck,

it's gonna wreck something.

(faint dance beat)

(knocking)

(door opening and closing)

Hi, guys.

My name's Lorna,

I'm a radio plugger.

That gig was deadly.

I'm meeting one of my contacts

at RTE tomorrow.

I'd love to take them a copy

of your music.

Maybe get you

a Track of the Week.

So whaddya think?

Could you get me something

by then?

You mixed up that coke

and ket again, didn't you?

So I'm just gonna...

leave this here...

(whispers)

...and I'm gonna go.

f*ck...

(VO) And off to the studio

we went...

...or at least, what was left

of it.

(sirens)

Those R.RAD b*stards!

(loud beat)

(door being forced)

f*cking yes.

Bom -

Ba-bom bom -

(beat)

I've got a point to be

proven to myself,

Sitting too long

getting mouldy on the shelf

-'Cos I'm too far gone...

-No, no.

Rather be sick in the head

With a little bit of wealth

Sick of taking strangers'

advice

'Cos the decisions people

make for me are dangerous

I'm not gonna listen

from now on

They're doin' it to you

constantly,

An individual is really

what you want to be

You gonna stand out?

Live your fantasy

Before they eat you up, they

put you out to laugh at you.

Don't be pushed back,

Bought for a sucker,

I've got a point to be

proven to myself,

Sitting too long getting

mouldy on the shelf,

Because I'm too far gone

when it comes to mental health,

Rather be sick in the head

with a little bit of wealth

I said to the devil,

Let me be rich instead.

He said: You'll no longer be

skint, but sick in the head

You'll never be in the streets

But you will have issues,

Do you want this for extra

zeros when you're paid?

-Yes

-You're a mad c**t, Mo Chara.

I'll be back for a fat loan

tomorrow,

Never gettin' dressed,

depressed, and now I'm para,

Throwing tantrums in my

mansion, am I embarrassed?

Nah!

Every chance I'm

a little bit crazy

There's no doubt about

me and Mo Chara,

(in English)

When we're smoking

Until it's aw naw!

But we're making up

our own laws

Never getting worried

'bout our own flaws

Kneecap, 3CAG,

We're our own law.

(music stops)

(groans)

f*ck off.

(yawns)

Oh happy days!

(door slams)

(upbeat music)

Oh sh*t!

f*ck. Let's go,

Let's go. f*ck.

(tense music)

Special delivery.

(phone beeps)

You sell drugs.

You sell them for the Radical

Republicans Against Drugs.

A bit off-brand, is it not?

No, it's not actually

and here's why. Listen.

Radical Republicans Against

Drugs are Radical Republicans

before they are Against Drugs.

It's right there in the name.

We're certainly not Radical

Republicans Against Making Money

because being radical,

as your Da was, (voice breaks)

it costs a pretty penny.

The price of Semtex has gone

through the roof I'll tell ya.

Some f*ck are making

a k*lling.

Maybe you shouldn't go about

blowing up garages, then.

Blowing up garages?

We haven't blown up any

garages, have we?

-No.

-What the f*ck you on about?

Look at me, right?

No more music.

Your hear me? HEY!

Youse are drug dealers.

That's all you'll be.

No more music. Alright?

(phone ringing)

(woman singing slow

folk song in Irish)

(singing ends)

(door closes)

(muffled children's voices)

(snorts)

(radio DJ) ...and with talks

to get Stormont

back up and running

still at a deadlock,

today's 'The Red Day'

Irish language rights march,

will further amp up the

pressure on politicians

to find a resolution to the

long running dispute.

(protestors chanting)

Now, it's time for

Track of the Week.

So excited to play you this

song for the first time

on the airwaves...

(bland pop song)

What the f*ck's this sh*t?

Caught my eye

'Concerns were raised around

some sex and drug references'.

(door slams)

(sombre music)

Oh f*ck!

(music builds)

f*ck!

f*ck!

(more urgently) f*ck! f*ck!

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

(VO) There are some things

in life you just don't cross:

motorways, picket lines,

and West Belfast ma's.

News of RTE2's decision

was soon flying down The Falls

quicker than a joyrider

in a Mitsubishi Evo.

With each telling, the snub

got more and more heinous...

...and they were promised

to be Track of the Week.

f*ck the f*ck off!

This Dublin music executive

tore the record contract up

and called them

all 'bin bombers'!

(VO) Hunger strikes.

Dirty protests.

When it comes to a good

ould campaign,

us Fenians do it better

than anyone.

Is that RTE?

-...discrimination...

-...censorship...

Don't make me come down there.

(VO) West Belfast protested

our persecution

by purchasing our tickets.

Thanks to Naoise's ma,

we'd sold out quicker

than Michael f*cking Collins,

but we'll not go there.

There aren't many things that

unite the Irish media, Peelers

and dissident Republicans,

but trying to stop our music

had gone and done it.

Sure, f*ck it,

at least we had DJ Provai

back behind the decks

where he belongs.

(rap) Gets further away

Every time I try to grab it

Underneath all the

chattering there's heaven

Got a little peek one day

made me feel like I was seven

I know it exists but I can't

stop getting pissed

One more thing

I'll be adding to the lyric

No better publicity than

getting banned, eh, lads?

It's gonna be bunged out there

tonight, so it is.

Anyway, you're late -

so chop chop.

Because of youse.

(crowd) Kneecap!

Kneecap! Kneecap!

(crowd roaring in background)

(hip-hop beat)

(wild cheering)

(muffled singing)

Out tonight,

cannot f*ck' wait,

Mici Dainin is on the way,

24 Carlsberg

gin and tonic,

That's the way I leave

Big bag of weed to end

the night,

For the comedown

Gum in your mouth,

Stop your jaw

getting destroyed.

Shower and a shite

Music in the background,

up full whack,

Shaven my ba*ls,

that's my sack,

Now I've an STI,

didn't do a check.

Knock on the door.

It's Postman Ket.

Three consonants and a vowel

And we don't pay VAT.

We don't cut the gear

'cos that's pure cat.

We take out a strap

Because we're Kneecap!

Woke up this morning,

Well, at the end of the day,

Before I leave bed,

spliff and a cup of tea,

Big night ahead of me

after yesterday,

Spent all my DLA

on MDMA.

Get on the phone

to Moglai Bap.

'What's the craic?

How'd you get the clap?

Never mind,

We're going out tonight',

10 kilos of coke

on Moglai Bap

Almost at the party,

I'm already buzzin'

Me I love double-dropping

bad boys,

Make sure there's MD

in your bag,

And heed the following

instructions:

Finger in your bag,

buzz on your lips

Knock back a few bombs,

And if there's nothing left?

Get a bump from Mo Chara,

Steal 20 from yer da

Sure what's the harm?

Finger in your bag,

Buzz on your lips

Knock back a few bombs,

And if there's nothing left?

Get a bump from Mo Chara,

Sure what's the harm?

(crowd roaring)

(loud background track)

Finger in your bag,

buzz on your lips

Knock back a few bombs,

And if there's nothing left?

Get a bump off Mo Chara.

Steal 20 from yer da

Sure what's the harm?

(song contd)

(loud dance beat)

(cheering)

(music cuts out)

(crowd cheering)

(wild cheering)

(crowd)

Kneecap! Kneecap! Kneecap!

(voice of Doyle on PA)

You sell drugs, you sell them

for the Radical Republicans

Against Drugs.

Radical Republicans

Against Drugs

are radical Republicans

before they're Against Drugs...

-Is that me?

-What the f*ck?

-Is that me?

-That is f*ck' you.

'We're not Radical Republicans

Against Money

because being radical costs

a pretty penny.'

(snorts)

'And one other thing, right?

No more music.

You're drug dealers.

That's all you'll be.'

(g*nf*re) (crowd screaming)

(indistinct shouting)

(truncheons beating shields)

(truncheons beating shields)

(roaring)

(VO) It was in this moment

JJ showed

he had truly come to embrace

his inner lowlife scumbag

by doing something impulsive,

violent...

...and utterly f*ck'

pointless!

(blows) (groans)

(blow)

(music stops)

(music continues)

(music stops)

(panting)

(slow orchestral music)

FRA: Wait. Wait.

Who's there?

If my son's blood is

to be spilt,

then it should be his own

blood pulling the trigger.

(sobs)

(banging inside car)

(cell door opening)

(cell door slamming)

Leave. Georgia. Alone.

(coughing)

(heavy blow)

Speak English.

You think a garage is the

only thing I can burn down?

(blow)

(roaring)

(groaning in pain)

(woman singing love song)

Don't you wanna?

Don't you wanna

fall in love again?

And it was at this moment

I realised something

about Georgia.

I f*ck' love her!

(cell door opening)

(officer) Oh f*ck...

Leave him, Ma'am.

He's had enough.

(exhales)

(cell door slamming)

(distant dog barking)

MAN 1: Give it to him.

(footsteps approaching)

(g*n c*ck)

Da?

(rapid g*nf*re)

-(moaning)

-(people groaning)

Who the f*ck brings one g*n

to a kneecapping?

What if it jams?

What if the sh**ter decides

to f*cking sh**t you instead?

-(shriek)

-Like that!

Amateur hour.

Take your hoods off.

(gasping)

-That one there's an MI5 tout.

-(shriek)

He's in the pay

of the Special Branch.

(shriek)

You can't be a serious dissie

with judgement like this.

Last man to the end of the

alley gets one behind the ear.

(all groaning)

(moaning and crying)

(sirens approaching)

(sombre music)

(sirens grow louder)

(slow Irish air)

(woman singing traditional

Irish folk song in Irish)

(VO) Every word spoken

is a b*llet...

I reckon everyone's fired

enough b*ll*ts by now

without the need to be

sh**ting metaphorical ones.

Maybe not firing the b*llet

should be the b*llet.

Ah f*ck it, I dunno...

I mean, we didn't set out

to be b*ll*ts, or g*ns,

but when do b*ll*ts ever

set out to be b*ll*ts?

They just are.

Waiting, hoping to be

unleashed into the world,

to find their velocity.

We'd found our velocity.

(traditional folk song)

(VO) The Irish for 'The End'

is 'An Deireadh'.

Ah, f*ck it - encore.

(Kneecap song: H.O.O.D.)

(Kneecap song: It's Been Ages)