02x11 - Once Upon a Timon

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

After years of preparation,

I'm finally ready to begin my...

Experiment.

Torgo, bring the victims.

I mean subjects.

Torgo obey.

You are very lucky.

I am Dr. Kalialstro,

and tonight I am
going to turn you into...

The world's most
beautiful creature.

In case you haven't
noticed, Sherlock,

I am already beautiful.

However, he could
use some improvement.

Yi!

Eee! Ooh!

You're such a
good friend, Timon.

Always looking out
for my best interests.

Yay! I'm gonna be beautiful.

Come on. Open up the machine.

Open! Open! Quick!
Quick! Come on! Come on!

Uh, torgo, don't keep
our friend waiting.

Deposit him in the
metamorphitron.

Yay! Metamorphitron!

Torgo, activate the machine.

Torgo activate machine.

I've failed. He
looks ridiculous.

Take him away, torgo. Away.

I cannot look at him.

Hey!

Science has betrayed me.

Bad science! Bad! Bad! Bad!

Al, oh, al.

Where did I go wrong?

What could I have
possibly overlooked?

What's that? Check the math?

Of course.

It's so obvious.

Come, torgo.
We've got work to do.

What a delightful man.

Problem?

I'm ugly.

Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa,
beauty is only fur-deep,

and that ugliness you have
now is only fur-deep, too.

It's what's inside that counts.

No matter how you look,

I will always be your
bestest best friend.

You're right, Timon,

and when they put you in that machine,
I'll still be your bestest best friend,

no matter how absurd you look.

We gotta get out of this cage!

How we gonna do that?

We hit... that... button.

There's gotta be a
button-pusher in here somewhere.

Aha!

I wouldn't do that.

And why not?

That's a boomerang.

It'll just come back and
hit you right in the head.

That's ridiculous.

See?

Aw, just didn't
throw it hard enough.

- Aah!
- Aah!

I don't wanna pressure you,
Timon, but that dart is our last dart,

and there's no more
darts after that dart.

Shut up. I know what I'm doing.

I am a puny, degenerate failure.

Don't give up, Timon.

You don't truly fail
until you stop trying.

I got an idea.

Abracadabra.

You never told me
you knew magic.

There's a lot I
haven't told you.

What is all that noise?

I can't work with all
this ruckus going on!

What ruckus?

Shh! No more ruckus, Timon.

Let's get me changed back to
normal and hightail it out of here.

Yikes.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Quick, Timon! In here!

What do you know,
Timon? I'm okay again.

It feels great to
be back to normal.

I'm ugly, and I know it.

Remember what you said,
Timon. Beauty is only fur-deep.

It's not how you look on
the outside that counts.

It's what's on the
inside. Remember?

I only said that to
make you feel better.

It's what's on the outside that
counts, and my outside is ugly.

Subjects escape,
make torgo look bad.

Subjects not escape again.

If we're gonna get
me back to normal,

we've gotta get this
hulkin' brute on our side.

How we gonna do that?

We pull a number on him.

Which number do you wanna pull?

A number 3.

Ooh, number 3.

Torgo, you can't do this.

Look, I'm a mutant.
You're a mutant.

We should band together
in mutant brotherhood

and defeat the evil doctor man.

Torgo loyal to doctor.

Doctor create torgo.

Doctor torgo's friend.

Ha! Did you hear that, Pumbaa?

Torgo's loyal to
ol' doc giggles.

Tisk, tisk, tisk.

That's too bad. Hee hee hee.

Bad? Why bad?

You mean you haven't heard?

He hasn't heard, Pumbaa.

Well, I'm not gonna tell him.

Tell torgo what?

There are changes on
the horizon, torgo my boy,

and, as we know,
all change is bad.

There's a new
monster in town, kid,

and by that, I mean
you're being replaced.

Torgo replaced?

Impossible.

Torgo essential for
day-to-day running of lab.

Your future's looking
pretty bleak, I.E, not good.

No more hunting down
helpless swamp rats.

That'll be somebody
else's job from now on.

But torgo like hunting
helpless swamp rats.

And you might as well kiss
that cruddy little pile of straw

in the dungeon bye-bye.

That torgo's secret
wishing place.

You're in denial,
and I don't blame you.

Torgo sad.

Torgo feel useless and
cast aside like old shoe.

Don't we all? But
don't sweat it, kid.

With a little training,

you'll find a position in the
lucrative field of telephone sales.

Torgo hate doctor.

Yeah. Hate the doctor.

Torgo destroy everything.

Yeah, yeah, destroy everything.

Starting with evil
metamorphitron!

Yeah, yeah, starting with...

No, not the metamorphitron!

It's the only thing that
can change me back.

Looks like number 3 worked
a little too well, eh, Timon?

Oh, shut up!

Torgo, what are you doing?

Stop! Stop it!

Have you lost your mind?

Torgo, obey me!

Torgo... Beautiful.

Gee, ain't that nice?

Jumping Jupiter.

I'm in love.

Marry me, my darling,

and make me the
happiest man on earth.

Torgo accept!

Yay! I love happy endings!

Boo.

Crud.

Yi! Howdy!

Hello, Nashville!

Yee-haw!

Hey, this doesn't look like the
country music capital of the world.

This looks like we're adrift at
sea and doomed to a horrible fate.

And... we're sinking.

Ahoy.

Aah!

We're saved!

Hallelujah!

- We're saved!
- Hallelujah!

We're saved!

Hallelujah.

Well, looks like there's
nothing wrong with this boat.

Yeah, knock on wood.

Come on. Let's find the crew of
this boat that nothing's wrong with.

Arg! Boatswain fate,

I thought I heard a knockin'.

Oh, man, I agree,
boatswain doom.

I thought I heard
a knocking, too.

Arg!

Likewise, indeed-o
says I, boatswain slob.

O-har, me hearties.

Let us search.

A-har, man.

And ahoy, man.

Aah!

P-p-p-p-p-p-pirates!

Put those things away! Is
this any way to treat, uh...

Uh... your captain?

Captain?

Yeah. I'm captain,
uh... Courageous.

And I'm Pumbaa.

Well, greetings, captain
courageous and I'm Pumbaa.

Myself and these two and myself,

we be the smartest
pirates on the seven seas

at your service.

No, man.

We be the stupidest pirates
on the seven seas, you know?

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Correct you are.

Dumb as stumps we be.

I thought we be
the purplest pirates.

What? Yeah. Arg!

We, the purplest, stupidest
pirates on the seven seas

are at your service,
beloved captain...

Uh... Courageous.

Oh, yeah.

Captain egregious.

We pledge to thee our
purple, stupid servitude.

They are not purple.

No, but they are stupid.

Oh, well. Hakuna matata, Pumbaa.

They pledge their servitude.
That's all that matters.

Alright, men. Set
sail for... Nashville.

Well... What are
you waiting for?

Hoist the sailamabobs
and batten down the hatches

and stuff, already.

These pirates are
genuinely dense.

No kidding, Pumbaa.

Problem?

Oh, uh, yeah. Uh...

Where is it you
wanted to go again?

Nashville, you mooks!

Nash... ville!

Buon giorno.

I am Nash. This is my villa.

Oh! Uhh.

We want to go to America.

Nashville is in America. Got it?

Am-er-ic-a.

Not South America, north!

North America!

North!

North!

Not this far north.

Look. See?

This "x" is where we want to go.

Take us to the "x."

Capisce? Comprende? Understand?

Aye, aye, um...

- Colonel.
- Lieutenant... Uh, sergeant.

- Captain.
- Oh, right!

Captain. I got it.

Calm down, Timon. You
better take a breather,

or you're gonna pop a vein.

Land... h*!

No, no, no.

Wrong again. I said "x."

Take us to the "x"!

I told you that's not
how you spell "x."

No. No. No.

Uhh! Ow!

This isn't Nashville!

Nope, but this is an "x."

In fact, this looks
like the kind of "x" spot

where they Bury pirate treasure.

Treasure? Whoo-hoo!
We're gonna be rich,

affluent, loaded with dough,

and rollin' in clover
on easy street.

Aha!

Bingo.

Yeah.

Arg!

A treasure thing.

A treasure chest, like
the kind pirates Bury, man.

Arg. Purple, stupid pirates,
like somebody we know.

Yeah, purple,
stupid pirates like us!

We better Bury it.

No, wait.

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

A mind is a horrible thing
to waste, isn't it, Timon?

Eeh!

Ta-da!

Yay.

Hee hee... aah!

Whoa.

Aah!

Ha. Arg, me hearties.

We be the purplest, stupidest
pirates what ever did anything.

- Arg, man.
- Aye.

Ooh! That's the
last straw. I quit.

I don't want the stinkin',
rotten, cruddy ol' treasure.

I don't want a stinkin',
rotten, cruddy, dunderheaded

crew of pirates who, by
the way, are not purple!

And I especially don't want
this stinkin', rotten, cruddy ol' hat!

Oh, but that's your
captain hat, man.

I am not your captain,

you mule-headed,
addle-brained, incogitant buffoons!

Come on, Pumbaa.

We'll get to
Nashville on our own.

Bye-bye, dunderheads!

Ha ha! Finally.

Nashville!

- Yee-haw!
- Ta-da!

A-har and ahoy!

Y'all no! No! No! No! No! No!

Go away! I am not your captain!

We know that.

You are our bandleader.

And we're your purplest,
stupidest band, man.

Yee-haw!

Oy!