02x14 - Isle of Manhood/Puttin' on the Brits

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Well, listen to this, Timon.

I once ate 52 Katy dids
and three dozen Katy didn'ts.

Big whoopety-boopety-
doopety deal, Pumbaa.

I once scarfed down an
entire colony of bedbugs,

as well as the sofa bugs, ottoman
bugs, and coffee table bugs.

Aw! Is that the best you can do?

Why, I once ate 300 June
bugs, and it was only April.

Emergency exits are located in
the front and rear of the aircraft.

Thank you for flying air Pumbaa.

Look out!

Hi-oh, Pumbaa! Away!

Pumbaa.

Sorry.

I don't suppose you'd believe
I'm a meerkat-fish, would you?

Uh, Timon...

Stop with the talking,
and keep with the running.

But, Timon...

Pumbaa, just keep
going, no matter what.

Well, okay.

Heh. You'd think they'd put
up a warning sign or something.

- What do we do?
- What do we do?

There's nothing we
can do, Pumbaa, old pal.

This is the end.

We've hakuna'd our last matata.

Okay, go ahead. You caught us.

Now, make with the
food chain and eat us.

Find yourself cornered by a
carnivorous, meat-eating animal?

Huh?

Tired of worrying that
instead of catching your dinner,

you'll be the catch of the day?

Uh... yeah.

You bet.

Well, say farewell to
those days, my friends,

by joining me at my survival
of the fittest training camp.

You mean you're not gonna
chew us up and swallow us?

That's right.

I'm here to sign you up
so I can pump you up.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! A
chance to get fit and healthy

and strong and healthy.

None of which fits into our
all-you-can-eat hakuna matata lifestyle.

Let's go, Pumbaa.

Sorry, pal.

Reconsider... please.

Like I said...

Sign me up.

Step onto the scale, please.

Next.

It's not survival of the fattest.
It's survival of the fittest,

and the first step to
being fit is removing the fat.

So hand over those
fattening, calorie-packed bugs.

Yes, sir!

All bugs handed over, sir.

Outstanding job, Pumbaa.

Timon.

Yeah, yeah, sure. No problem.

I think I probably got a little snack
food stashed away here somewheres.

Ah! Yeah. Here you go.

Is that all?

Yeah, that's all.

What, are you calling me a liar?

Shame, shame, shame.

Shut up.

And now step two of
my program exercise.

Ahh.

I feel fit as a fiddle,
bright-eyed and bushy-tailed,

alive and kicking.

Aw, shut up.

Step three my fruity, carbo, soy, tofu,
protein, muscle-building, nondairy,

rehydrated milkless milkshakes.

Yum!

Yecch!

Ahh.

Eek!

Step four the massage-o-matic.

Invigorating!

Oy.

Step five... wait.
Time out. Stop. Whoa.

How many steps until we
get out of this t*rture chamber?

You'll be pleased to know
step five is the fifth and final tier

in the camp's five-step program.

The maze of challenges.

Now, who would like to go first?

I will. I'll do it.

Well, excellent,
Timon. On your Mark,

get set,

Ahh.

There you go. All done.

Your turn, Pumbaa.

Now, now, Pumbaa.

I'm confident you'll do a better
job and prove yourself worthy.

On your Mark, get set...

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! I did
it! I've proven myself worthy.

That you have, Pumbaa.

They don't call me
Mr. Pig for nothing.

And that leads us to the
final step of the program.

Uh, but I thought you said
there were only five steps.

Well, you see, I'm very
finicky about what I eat.

Only the leanest,
primest meat will do.

And now that you've
proven yourself worthy,

I must eat you.

Timon!

Quiet!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Timon! Timon! Timon!

He's gonna eat me!

See? I knew all this exercise
would be bad for our health.

Come on, Pumbaa.
Let's find us some grub.

Uh, Timon, what am I gonna
do about all my new muscles?

Don't you worry, Pumbaa.
Just ignore those muscles,

and pretty soon,
they'll turn back to fat,

just the way you like 'em.

Yay!

Oh, jolly-good terrificness.
Today is the day,

the most splendid day
of the year, my day off!

Ahh. How I love my...

Latin for leisure time.

Zazu, sir.

Go away, gopher. It's my day
off, and you always mean work.

Zazu, sir.

It's a catastrophe.

Gopher, gopher, gopher.

The only catastrophe
around here will be your face

if you don't go far, go far, go far
away and let me enjoy my day off.

Zazu, sir.

Gopher, I told
you to go-far away.

Zazu, sir.

Hmm.

Lovely.

Absolutely beautiful.

Zazu, sir.

How many times must
I tell you, it's my day off!

No matter what the emergency
is, it can wait until tomorrow.

But, sir, even if the emergency
is that the river has dried up

and every animal
is dying of thirst?

Yes, even if... what!

Hmm. This river is indeed
what one would call...

Dry.

Now, if I could only locate the
source of this evaporative problem.

Whoof!

Yo! Watch where
you're going there, birdie.

Well, well, well. If
it isn't jumbo jumbo,

the most stubborn
elephant in the jungle.

That's me.

You realize, of course,

that you are sitting right
in the middle of a river.

Yeah. So?

So you're cutting off the
entire valley's water supply,

and the hippos, quite
frankly, are beginning to smell.

Man, do we smell.

So, you see, my obstinate chum,
you simple have to m-o-v-e, move.

No!

Here is where I'm sitting, and
sitting here is what I'm doing.

You got a problem with that?

Not at all.

That's a good birdie.

Zazu, sir, here is the
standard jungle-animal contract.

Gopher, bring me the
standard jungle-animal contract.

Ah. Very good. Thank you.

Now see here, jumbo jumbo.

This document I hold is your
standard jungle-animal contract,

which you have signed.

So?

So take a close look, and you
will notice the circle of life clause.

So?

So I quote, ahem,

"the party of the
first part," that's you,

"promises not to engage in
any action which interrupts

the hereforth to wit
mentioned circle of life."

So, legally, you have to move.

Gotcha there, don't I, j.J.?

I see.

Let's see. Let's see. I
know it's here somewhere.

"Of mice and hen."

No, that's no good.

"The great batsby." No.

"The red badger of courage." No.

"Cannery crow." No.

"Donkey quixote."

"The apes of wrath."
"For whom the bull tolls."

No, no, no.

Ah, here it is.

"How to move an elephant."

Shall I activate the
oxygen-flow system, sir.

Activate oxygen-flow system.

Squeak squeak.

Look at me. I'm a mouse.

I'm not Zazu. I'm a mouse.

Squeak squeak.

I eat cheese,
and I live in a wall.

Squeak squeak. I'm a mouse.
Squeak squeak. Squeak squeak.

Squeak squeak.
Squeak squeak. Squeak.

Whew!

Well, why aren't you
gashing away in fear?

Huh?

Elephants are supposed
to be afraid of mice.

Eh, I figure there's
nothing to worry about.

And how do you figure that?

Well, in every
cartoon I've ever seen,

there's always a cat
that chases the mouse.

So?

Aah!

Hmm.

Zazu, sir.

Don't interrupt.

Can't you see I'm busy
pondering my next move?

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean
to interrupt your cunning plan.

My cunning plan? Hmm. Go on.

Yes, sir. Your cunning
plan of making it rain,

thereby solving the
lack of water problem

without having to negotiate
further with jumbo jumbo.

Hmm. Yes.

Tut-tut. It looks like rain.

Yow!

Fine.

That's it. Sit there.

I don't care if you move or not.

I don't even care why you were
sitting there in the first place.

I... quit.

Oh. I'm only sitting here in this
cool spot because it's my day off.

Your what?

My day off.

That's impossible.

I'm the only animal
who has today off.

Gopher, get me...

The master schedule of
animals who have today off.

See? See?

Today is my day off, not yours.

Oh, hey, sorry.

Well, I guess I'd better
get back to the herd

and start feeding
on grass and foliage.

See you around, birdie.

Well, that wasn't such a chore.

And now back to my day off.

Wait. Zazu, sir,
what about tomorrow?

What about tomorrow?

Sir, tomorrow is jumbo
jumbo's real day off.

What?

Ohh!

Zazu, sir.

Zazu... sir?