03x08 - Throw Your Hog in the Ring/Slalom Problem

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Euhh! Sure is muggy
today. Mmm! Smell that river!

Hey, I'm drivin' here!

- I'm drivin' here!
- Skyscrapers, angry cabbies...

More c*ck than
anywhere else on earth!

New York has it all, Pumbaa.

Including flying wrestlers.

Who says new
yorkers aren't friendly?

Ladies and gentlemen,

hurricane Paine has just thrown
his opponent out of the ring.

Into the street, and onto
an innocent by stander.

Insane Dwayne's my
name, wrestling's my game.

And you, dear pig, are
just what I'm lookin' for.

- I am?
- He is?

Wrestle for me, and I'll get
you all the bug dogs you can eat.

Heh.

Made from the finest roaches,

gathered from the city's
main garbage dumps

at the height of the season
and served New York style,

smothered in onions.

Listen to me, kid.

You are a wrestler, a great one.

I know what I'm
talkin' about, kid.

I've been in this wrestlin' game

since... uh, the
beginning of this sentence.

You are gonna be champ!

I knew I had it in me!

Listen to me, kid.
I'm not kiddin', kid.

You gotta work your ham
hocks off to be champ.

Okay, Timon.

But couldn't I have
a bug dog first?

I'm awfully hungry.

Sorry, kid. You're in trainin'.

Besides, these babies
will ruin your social life.

Ahh.

Keep workin', kid.

You gotta go the distance.

And the way you smell,
the further away, the better.

Timon! Can I have
just one bug dog,

puh-leeeasssse!

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for
tonight's main event!

Batten down the hatches
and run for your rathskellers,

'cause here comes
the one, the only...

Hurricane Paaaaaine!

And here is Hurricane...
Paaaaine's... challenger...

Pumbaa Smith.

Oh, boy.

You can always tell the
one who's gonna lose...

The one with the normal name.

My name's Pumbaa.
How normal is that?

You're gonna get
k*lled out there, kid.

Paine is gonna reach
down your throat,

grab you by the tail,
and pull you inside out.

Yeah! Ha ha! That's my boy!

I thought I was your boy.

Uh, no. You're my pig.

And there's love enough
in my heart for both of you.

By the way, here's the
number of a good bone doctor.

If you break more
than a hundred bones,

he'll give you a big discount.

I feel so used.

The kid's got guts.
Those bug dogs will k*ll ya.

Pumbaa... we hardly knew ya.

Yes!

Lay down, kid. Take a dive.
Go in the tank! Give it up, kid!

Why do you keep
calling me "kid"?

'Cause you're the dupe
in insane Dwayne's plan.

Gee, all I wanted
was to be champ.

Guess it'll never happen now.

Oops! Excuse me.

Phew!

It's unbelievable!
Hurricane Paine is down!

Pumbaa Smith has
blown the hurricane away

with his... his...
his breath of death!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Meet the new wrestling
champion of the world...

The... burpinator!

I'm the champ! I did it! I
did it! It's a dream come true!

Ohhh!

Dohhh! Stupid pig.

He wasn't supposed to win.

I'll find somebody that'll beat
him. You'll see. You'll see.

Ladies and gentlemen...

The burpinator phenomenon
just keeps on rolling!

No one can defeat
his breath of death.

Not Paul Biggin.

I'm gonna get you, burpinator.
I'm gonna rip you to shreds.

I'm gonna make you
sorry you were ever born!

Uhh... I'm gonna lay down now.

Not Max trucky!

Not even Lenny the leprechaun!

No one can stop the burpinator!

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to tonight's main event!

Plug your nose and
hold onto your hats,

'cause here comes
the one, the only...

The incomparable...

Burpinator!

Challenging the
burpinator tonight

is the newest, the meanest,

the deadliest addition
to the wrestling game...

The amazing...
mmmmasked... mauler!

Masked mauler.

Hidin' behind a mask

isn't gonna save him from
your arrivederci aroma.

Gee, Timon, am
I really that good?

Oh, yeah.

Listen to me, kid.
You got what it takes,

and you can take what he's
got, and you're gonna take it

'cause the masked mauler
takes whatever he can get!

So take it from me...

Your career is over, kid.

Ooh! Ooh! This is just
too horrible to watch!

I haven't seen a mismatch
like this since my last divorce!

Pumbaa, what can I do to help?

Call an ambulance!

Yeow! Yeeooww!

- Uhh!
- Take... that!

Help! S.O.S.!

Call 911!

Mommy! Is there a
doctor in the house?!

Okay, that's it.
I've had enough!

Hold on, Pumbaa! I'm comin' in!

Wait a minute.

The burpinator's manager
is throwin' in the towel!

No, it's himself.

He's throwing
himself into the ring!

Oh, the humanity! The humanity!

Ladies and gentlemen...

A new wrestling star
has been born tonight...

The mmmmmmasskked... mauler!

Timon... does this mean
I'm not a champion anymore?

Kid, you'll always be
a champ in my book,

and that's better than
a chump or a chimp,

but not better than a chomp,
if you know what I mean.

Now let's get outta here, kid, and
track down those New York c*ck.

It's gonna be a long walk, kid,

especially with our
toes tied up like this.

Oops. Excuse me!

Ooh. Brrr!

Timon, I'm so hungry,

I could eat a 2-inch,
juicy Porter house steak

doused in tangy barbecue sauce.

Euhh! That is hungry.
Don't worry, Pumbaa, old pal.

We'll find some bugs
here somewhere.

Aha!

Our stomachs' prayers
have been answered!

Uh, Timon, these places
are not like hills or logs

that give bugs for free.

They want money, and...
and we don't have any money.

Do tell.

Hey...

"Ski instructors wanted.
Earn big money."

But, Timon...

We can't ski!

You wanna eat, don't you?
Besides, what's to know?

You got a mountain, a
couple of sticks, and gravity.

Are you the fellas
that teach how to ski?

Oh, no, no! Uh, not, uh...

Why, yes. That's us.

Highly paid ski
instructors at your service.

Yeah...

Well, I want to learn how to ski
so I won't fall down in the snow.

See, I really, really
hate fallin' down.

You know? Yeah.

Fall in' makes me,
oh, so very, very angry.

I could...

Oh, I don't know... Probably
do something despicable

to the party or parties responsible
for my state of fallin'-downness.

Let's just say I have a
problem with fallin' down.

But I'm not gonna
fall down, am I?

No.

Gooood.

Ah...

Ahem! Uh, Timon,

I'd just like to
take this moment

to say we can't ski and
we should tell the truth.

There.

Thank you for
sharing. Now let's go!

Uh, Timon! It's time we tell
the grizzly bear we can't ski.

And give up easy money?

There's not falling
happening here, is there?

I'd grind anyone who'd
let me fall into tiny bits.

And you were worried, Pumbaa.

Timon, I really, really think

we should tell that gargantually
big grizzly bear that we're not...

No time, Pumbaa. We gotta...

Hello, ladies. Name's Timon,

game's ski instructing.
If you have any...

Timon! Timon!

What is it, Pumbaa? Can't
you see I'm busy here?

I found 2 snowflakes
that are exactly alike.

That's it?!

That and the
bear's about to fall.

Hello. I'm falling
here. If I taste snow,

you guys better know
a good plastic surgeon.

Guys... I'm sensing gravity.

Am I to assume you like pain?

Couldn't we just tell him?

I have a plan.

Huh.

♪ Rowww... ohh ♪

I love it when a
plan comes together.

Oh!

Hey... I did it.

I made it all the way down
the mountain without fallin'.

Huh. Imagine that.

Well, I'm glad that's over!

Uhh?

Gimme more lessons... now.

Uh... more lessons?
But, uh... but, uh...

Oh, pleeeease can we tell him?

Tell him... What?

Tell you that... that
you're a... a... a natural!

And you've graduated.

I now pronounce you a
skiing bear with honors.

Yay. I'm a skier.

I don't know, Timon.

Relax, Pumbaa.
Everything worked out fine.

He got skiing lessons,
and we got... ulp!

You did such a
great job teaching me,

I want you to go with
me down the pro slope.

Ooh! Wonderful.

Lift tickets, please.

No lift tickets, huh?

See, Timon?

If you'd listen to
me in the first place,

you wouldn't have just lost our
money, 'cause we'd never have gotten it.

And... I'm still hungry.

You did say I'm a natural...

Didn't you?

Ye-yes, of course!

Good...

'Cause if I hit anything
on the way down,

you two are hors d'oeuvres.

Am I clear?

Crystal.

I can't see.

I'll still pound you into
hamburger if I hit anything.

Oomp!

Did I mention that I
better not hit anything?

Whew!

Ooh!

Whaa?

- Uh-oh.
- We'll never get there in time.

- Whew!
- Whew!

Oh, no!

You gotta be kiddin' me!

The great wall of China?
Isn't that supposed to be in...

China?

No time for logic.

For the love of Pete,

we gotta get that bear more
skis before he wipes out.

Oh, now that's skiin'.

I think I'm ready for the
super pro slope, eh, fellas?

Timon!

Okay! All right,
fine! I admit it!

Admit... what?

We're not really
ski instructors.

Heck, we don't even
know how to ski, ourselves.

Please don't k*ll us.

Don't know how to
ski, eh? Well, I know...

And I'm a-gonna teach ya.