03x14 - All Pets Are Off/Boary Glory Days

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

♪ While running through
New York one day ♪

♪ chasing dinner
down on old Broadway ♪

♪ I was taken by surprise by
a c*ck twice my size ♪

♪ and we won't let
this one get away ♪

A c*ck!

It's ok.

That horrible c*ck is gone.

Oh h* h* h*. There, there.

Here's a treat, my precious.

Have another. And another.

We're going to get
you a brand-new toy.

Ooh, and a cushy-wushy blanket
and whatever you want to eat.

You're going to be the
happiest pet in the world,

no matter what it costs.

I think you gave me a hairball.

Pumbaa, what are we doin' here?

Chasing c*ck?

No, Pumbaa. I have a new plan.

Pets, Pumbaa.

We're going to become pampered pets,
just like little fluff ball over there.

Just like fluff ball?

Well, not exactly
like fluff ball.

What we're gonna do is find a
rich person to take us in as pets.

Do I have to go in?

It's so lonely in that
big, empty house.

Aw, that poor
little boy is lonely.

Yeah.

Rich and lonely.
This'll be easy.

We'll just follow him home, and
they'll have to let him keep us.

Uh... why?

It's an unwritten rule.

You know, poor little
animals... that's us...

Follow kid home, and, well,
they gotta let him keep us,

or he'll cry his eyes out, and
they'll feel like merciless jerks.

Come on.

They followed me home, Reeves.

Can I keep 'em?
Can I? Please, can I?

They followed you all
the way from the curb, sir.

Let me keep them, Reeves,

or I'll make you hold your
breath till you turn blue.

Not again.

Very well, sir.

Lunch is served.

Uh, hot dogs, pizza,
and candy... Cordon bleu.

My favorite!

Oh, Reeves, my good
man, you've outdone yourself.

Oh, boy, Timon. I hope
they'll have our favorite...

c*ck casino.

Yeah, or even better,
centipede stir-fry,

or ticks tartar, or
aphids al dente.

Huh?

Meer-kitty chow

with reconstituted
dehydrated prog matter.

It's the most scientifically
advanced meerkat food

in the history of
meerkat nutrition.

Porcine 2000...

now with synthetic
beetle proteins.

It's the choice of
top warthog breeders

throughout the world, sir.

Whatever, Reeves.

Let's just get lunch over with
so I can play with my new pets.

Uh, bon appétit.

Ehh.

Yeep.

We're in the c*ck
capital of the world,

and we're stuck in here

with reprocessed
hyper-preserviated bug stuff!

Yuck!

That porcine 2000 tasted like...

Mud!

"The kid looked
so lonely", you said.

"Let's just follow
him home," you said.

How was I supposed to
know we were following him

into the house of horrible food?

The question is, what
are we gonna do about it?

I tell you what we're gonna do.

We're goin' out to eat!

- Really?
- Really.

Come on.

Ok, so there's no
doggie door. No problem.

No problem.

Let's try somethin' else.

The window!

Timon.

Timon!

What? What?

Pumbaa, will you knock it off?
We got roaches laughin' at us.

All the doors and windows
were preteen-proofed

after I myself escaped from the
condo and used my dad's credit card

to purchase a
professional baseball team,

so we might as
well play croquet.

Hey, look out!

Gee, I never played
croquet before.

It could be dangerous.

Yow!

There, the vent.

How are we gonna
get all the way up there?

Oh, boy. We're playing
"king of the mountain."

Hey, kid, let go.

I think it looks
much better this way.

Don't you?

Sir, it is bath time.

That's it. No more
Mr. Nice Timon.

Pumbaa, may I?

Oh, of course.

Oh, isn't that polite of
you to clean up, Timon?

I'm not cleaning up, Pumbaa.

If we can't get to the roaches,
I'm gonna get the roaches to us.

You did it, Timon! You did it!

You got the roaches!

Uh-oh.

Timon?

Timon.

You two beastly
creatures are out of here!

Reeves, wait.

Oh, I mean, yes, you
two are out of here.

Wild animals shouldn't
be cooped up inside.

You'll be much
happier when you're...

Free.

Oh, we'll never
forget you, little... fella.

And...

I'll never forget you.

♪ While running through
New York one day ♪

♪ chasing dinner
down on old Broadway ♪

♪ I was taken by surprise ♪

♪ by a c*ck twice my size ♪

♪ and we won't let
this one get away ♪

At last.

Come to papa, my
succulent little entree.

Are you sure you wouldn't
rather play with me, Timon?

Come on! Come on, play with me.

Please? Please?
Please? Please? Please?

♪ Puh-lease? ♪

For cryin' out
loud, act your age.

Sheesh.

A warthog of your advanced
years ought to comport himself

with a little more
dignity and self-restraint.

What are you
talking about, Timon?

I'm only seven years old.

Why, I'm practically
an itty-bitty little baby.

Ha! Your ignorance
is truly stupendifying.

For your information, seven is
really, really old for warthogs.

What do you mean, Timon?

Modern-day
scientifical data shows

that the common everyday
warthog, that would be you...

lives to be approximately


That makes seven, or your
age... more than half your life span.

This is equal to




or 176 in Keith Richards years.

I... I... I'm older
than Keith Richards?

Gee!

I didn't realize
seven was so old.

Life goes by so quickly,

and now the carefree
days of my youth are gone...

Gone forever.

Gone!

Keith Richards.

Hey, Pumbaa, old buddy...

Pumbaa, you mook,
what are you doin'?!

Ah, you were right, Timon.

From now on, I'm
going to act my age.

No more fun for me.

I'll just sit here in my
vibrating rocking chair

and wait for my next
doctor's appointment.

My lumbago!

Pumbaa, old buddy,
don't do this to yourself.

I can't help it, Timon.

You put that "old warthog"
thought in my head,

and now I can't get rid of it.

Could you turn the
heat up to 90, please?

Thank you.

Do you feel guilty, Timon?

Yes, I do.

Well, you should.

You never come to visit anymore.

I'm standing right here.

Always the same excuse.

I can see it's gonna be up
to me to snap you out of this.

Pumbaa, don't you realize
that you're as young as you feel?

Why, anything a spry young
warthog can do, you can do,

and I'm gonna prove it to you.

You and me are gonna spend the afternoon
doing young-warthog-type activities.

Then you'll see that you
haven't lost any of your old pep.

Pee-yew!

Mud pits?

This is what young
warthogs do for fun?

This is fun, Timon.

I feel young again.

Yaahh!

Timon? Oh, my goodness.

I forgot to warn him
about the sinkholes.

I'm getting so
absent-minded in my old age,

I forgot to mention
the sinkholes.

I'm a danger to
myself and others.

I... I better go home before
I cause any more trouble.

Oy. Pumbaa, I'm gonna make
you feel young again if it kills you.

Now, what else do
young warthogs like to do?

Well, we used to play coconut
football, but I don't know, Timon.

It can get a little rough.

How rough can it be?

If itty-bitty warthogs
can do it, so can you.

One-Mississippi.
Two-Mississippi.



- Aah!
- Ouch!

I can't remember the last
time I had so much fun.

You were right. You're
as young as you feel.

Thank goodness!

Nooooo!

Oh, for heaven's sake,
Pumbaa, it's only a gray hair.

You're makin' a
mountain out of a follicle.

Who am I kidding?

My coconut football
days were over years ago.

I'll see you later, Timon.

I'm gonna try to
make the early-bird

discount dinner down
at the fuddy-duddy diner.

No!

Well, well. Look who
finally came to visit.

Oh, look, we're gonna
give this feeling-younger,

cheering-you-up
thing one more shot.

What else do young warthogs do?

Well...

We used to play a
lot of predator tag.

P-p-p-predator tag?

What exactly are the rules?

Locate deadly predators who
could rip your head off in one bite.

Defying all logical thinking, you
tag them with squishy berries,

then run away

before they chew you into pieces
with their sharp, pointy fangs.

Whatever happened to
"ring around the Rosie"?

Ok, I got the big,
squishy Berry.

Now what do we do?

You have to create a diversion.

Congratulations!

You, my good cheetah, have
won two free tickets to see me,

Michael meerkat,
the Duke of the dance.

Hmm.

I don't seem to recall entering
any contest for free tickets.

Yeah. Well, I got your name
off the endangered species list.

And now... sit back, relax,

and give yourself over
to the magic that is...

The dance.

You do realize, of course, that
I'm going to have to eat you now.

Now, Pumbaa!

Predator tag!

In case you're
wondering, you're it.

Yipe!

Hop on, Timon!

Whoa!

That was the most exciting
thing I've done in years!

I feel young again!
I feel young again!

I feel like...

Like I pulled my hamstring!

Oh, dear! Look
at me! I'm a wreck.

You're a wreck?

It's no use, Timon.

Growing old is a fact of life, and
I'd better start getting used to it.

Ow! Ooh!

Gee. I've never seen
Pumbaa act like this.

Maybe he really
is over the hill.

It's just as well
he's gone, then.

I prefer my meat
young and tender.

Help!

One-Missouri, two-Missouri,



Hey, you mooks, over here!

♪ Nyah nyah
nyah-nyah-nyah nyah ♪

I do believe we've
made a ghastly error.

I do believe you're right.

- Predator tag!
- Predator tag!

- Whoo whoo whoo!
- Whoo whoo whoo!

High five!

How about that, Timon?

I may have
gotten a little older,

but I can still handle
a couple of cheetahs

and also use my years of
experience to outsmart them.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you, Pumbaa.

You're older, but wiser.

And you've got me to thank
for pointing it out to you.

You realize, of course,

that if you want me to
stay young at heart forever,

you'll have to play
coconut football with me

every single day.

Ow!

Ohhh...