03x23 - One Tough Bug/Pirates of Pumbzance

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

The Amazon.

Realm of hidden riches,
wonderful surprises,

and bugs, bugs, and more bugs!

- Ready, Pumbaa?
- Ready, Timon!

Then let her rip!

Ah! That was the best!

Excuse me.

Oh, boy, oh, boy! Okay! I want
some bugs too! I want some too!

Fear not, my tusked pal.

This is the verdant Amazon.
A virtual cornucopia of bugs.

You wait right here.

Mm! Yummy! But not
quite the volume I expected.

- Come here, you little...
- Whoa!

Excuse me, but... ah!

Ow! Ouch!

What was that?

- A bug!
- I know it was a bug.

But what kind of bug?

A big, bad bug!

Hm. Allow me to consult the
ultimate study on the subject,

bug eating for dummies.

Now, let's see here.
Bedbugs, body lice...

Here it is. "Big, bad bug of the
Amazon, the world's strongest bug.

The only bug so tough,
it has never been eaten,

not even by bug connoisseurs, let
alone bug-eating dummies like you."

Sometimes I think bug eating for
dummies is just a teeny bit insulting.

Pumbaa, old buddy, old pal,

you know what we're gonna do
about this big, bad bug thingy?

Run for our lives like
the cowards we are?

No, no, no. This is our
chance to make history,

to become the most famous
bug connoisseurs of all time!

Just think of it.
Timon, and Pumbaa,

the first ever to consume the
big, bad bug of the Amazon!

Timon, speak to me!
Please, speak to me!

That bug is beginning to bug me.

All right, Pumbaa.

You swim in from this
angle and distract him,

while I sneak up
on him underwater.

We'll clobber the little sucker.

Got it? Good.

Gee, that bug must really
have something to live for!

Oh, come on, Pumbaa. What
would a bug have to live for?

Well, he might have a
family, uh, a wife, and 600 kids.

Maybe we should
just leave him alone.

Pumbaa, that's a
terrible thing to say!

This is w*r!

Gotcha, ya little
armored menace!

Oh! I'll have to give him
snout-to-mouth resuscitation!

Yoinks!

I'm okay, Pumbaa, I'm okay!

You see, Timon?
Life is precious.

Yeah, my life is precious.

That bug's life is precious too!

I wonder what his name is.

I'll tell you what his name is.

The enemy.

Yo.

What the...?

Timon, my brother,
you've got it all wrong.

Like, you need to tune
out that hatred stuff, dude,

and tune into peace and Harmony.

And...

♪ Try love, not w*r ♪

♪ try love, not w*r ♪

Pumbaa, that bug
is an evil empire.

He's going to spread his evil until
all bugs have turned against us.

Did you know that there are
more bugs than mammals?

If one bug stands
up to us, they all will!

I'll show this... this gob of bug
juice who's boss around here!

Pumbaa! What are you doing?

I'm demonstrating
against your dirty little w*r.

Move it, peace freak!

I'm not moving, Timon!
I believe in my cause!

Well, I believe in mine too.

Well, I believe in mine more!

Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see who
believes in their cause the most!

I'm coming through!

Ah!

My cause is causing me
a great deal of discomfort.

Oh, no, we won't go!
Oh, no, we won't go!

Oh, no, we won't go!
Oh, no, we won't go!

Eh, who needs you, you
big, tie-dyed flowerpot head.

This is meerkat
one, I'm going in.

Pull up! Pull up! For the
love of grub worms, pull up!

Eject! Eject!

Oh!

Tell kitty I loved her very much
and went down like a soldier.

All right, that's it!

I'm going to put a stop to this
w*r before somebody gets hurt!

Just a hair late
for that, Pumbaa.

Excuse me, Mr. Bug, but I want to extend
this olive branch of peace to you.

Cool! I'll go get another one!

This is ought to get your
attention, permanently.

I'm beginning to think
you were right, Pumbaa.

What convinced you?

The 60 billion dollars
I spent on w*r material

that I could have spent on bugs.

That and pain.

Peace is definitely less
painful than w*r, Timon.

Except for the earrings.

Okay. Let's give peace a...

- Wow!
- It's beautiful, man!

I... I was trying
to destroy that?

You see, Timon, he did
have something to live for.

For the first time in our lives, I
have to admit, Pumbaa, old buddy,

you were right.

Now, let's find some peace-loving
bugs, and eat them! I'm starved!

Me too!

Whoa!

There aren't many job
openings for gaseous,

bug-eating jungle
animals, you know.

What line of employment
are you seeking?

Hm... oh, oh, oh, oh! I know!

I've always wanted
to be a pirate!

Pumbaa, they don't
have temp jobs as pirates.

Actually, I do have two entry-level
positions aboard a pirate ship.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh,
boy! I'm gonna be a pirate!

Life on the open sea!
The wind in my tusks!

Doh!

Pumbaa, we are not
going to be pirates!

Pirates are a bunch of mooks who
have to get up early and swab things.

Okay, we'll be pirates.

But I'm gonna regret this. My
timbers are shivering already.

Yo-h*-h* and a bottle of grubs!

Look, Timon, I'm swabbing stuff.

Yeah, swell.

I knew I'd regret this.

Captain Bloodbeard on deck!

Worthless scallywags! Stop
standing around and get back to work!

Do your thing, parrot.

Uh... get back to work.

Get back to work, awk!

Good parrot.

♪ My Bonnie lies
over the ocean ♪

- Oh!
- Then go join her.

There'll be no singing
merrily on my ship.

No singing on my ship!

Arrr, you there!

That's not hoisting
the main sail proper.

Uh, yeah, whatever that means!

- That'll teach you.
- Ain't this great, Pumbaa?

You call that
scraping barnacles.

I could scrape a better
barnacle in me sleep!

Yeah, but everybody's
going swimming except me!

Those fellas sure are lucky.

And you! You looking at me?

Help!

I can't swim!

- Uh, Fred.
- Oh.

You don't need to swim, lad.

Oh, right. Oh. You guys
wanna go for Sushi?

You there! Raise
the jolly Roger!

This isn't very jolly.

Now that's what I call jolly!

How am I supposed to scare me
victims with that big smiley flag?

Off me ship with ya!

Ship h*!

'Tis a ship!

The s.S. Helpless little old
ladies with tons of money!

Ooh, they'll be easy.

Easy to entertain with
our wacky pirate antics?

We do not do
wacky pirate antics!

As heartless brigands, we
pillage, plunder, and steal!

Arr!

Steal?

Oh, gee, I don't think I wanna
be a pirate anymore, Timon.

Well, what did you
think pirates did?

Well, sail around and
dance and sing boisterously

and eat food in a sloppy manner.

Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa.

You know what, Timon?

Somebody better stop this pirate from
stealing the nice, old ladies' money.

Whoa, whoa! If we so much as
tweak the hair on this nut's beard,

he'll have us for breakfast!

Besides, I kind
of like this job.

I've made up my mind, Timon.

We're going to stop
that awful captain.

Did I say I'd be
regretting this?

Because I am.

Take her closer for a broadside.

Aye, aye, captain.

Too fast, you spiny
sea urchin! Back her up!

Ah! You missed her again!

Hey!

That's it! Stop!

- Into the briny blue with you!
- Wait!

You can't just
throw him overboard!

Why not?

It says so right here in
the big book of pirate law.

"A warthog tricking the
captain of a pirate vessel

by continually hitting the gas
and missing an enemy ship

is only punishable by death in
months that contain the letter 'q.'"

- you don't say.
- Oof!

I do say. Precedent-setting
cases, read for yourself.

Piglet vs. Bluebeard, Captain
Hook vs. the three little pigs.

Hm... okay. Good parrot.

If we can't catch
the blasted ship,

we'll sink her.

Fire at will!

That's it! Now you've
done it! I'm gonna...

Whatever you're
gonna do, you can't.

As captain of this pirate
ship, it's your duty to...

Plug all the holes in the ship!

Oh, yeah?

The big book of pirate
law doesn't lie, my friend.

Stupid pirate book.

Don't do that!

Arr! Arr! And "arr" some more!

What a mook!

I can't believe he fell for that!
I can't believe he's so stupid!

I... I can't believe how
much trouble we're in.

Now you'll walk the plank.

But-but-but you can't
make us walk the plank!

According to this, "the captain
may make a meerkat and a warthog

walk the plank
anytime he wants." Hey!

That can't be right. Oh, it is.

We're gonna run now, okay?

A-ha! "X" always marks the spot.

Uh-oh!

Ah! Ooh! That hurts, you know.

A-ha! You'll feed the fish now.

Gosh, the pirates on
this ride almost look real!

Now you be walking the plank.

No, you'll skip it. Be
more humiliating that way.

♪ Skip, skip, skip to your doom ♪
♪ skip, skip, skip to your doom ♪

♪ skip, skip, skip to your doom ♪
♪ skip to your doom, me laddies ♪

♪ skip, skip, skip to your doom ♪
♪ skip, skip, skip to your doom ♪

I wish I could have
been a real pirate, Timon!

Oh, Pumbaa, just
because captain grumpy

is a weenie doesn't
mean you have to be!

You are a real pirate.

Just the nice, non-pillaging,
non-stealing kind.

Golly, thanks, Timon! And I'm
real sorry we're skipping the plank

and about to be
shredded to bits by sharks

who will eat
every little bit of us!

But you forgive me, don't you?

- Oh, all right.
- Enough jabbering!

Into the water with you!

Those aren't frail, aged women!

It's captain granny, the toughest
little old lady in the seven seas!

And her merciless crew
of blue-haired pirates!

Oh, I surrender, captain
granny! Please don't hurt me!

It sure was nice of captain granny
to give us jobs as old lady pets.

Wasn't it, Timon?

Yep, it sure was.

Ain't that right, parrot?

Ain't that right.