03x31 - Guru-Some/Jailhouse Shock

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Yoo-hoo! Little breakfast
bugs. Where are you?

You're doing a
great job, Pumbaa.

Keep going. You'll find them.

If bugs didn't hide,
I couldn't find them.

What did you say?

Excuse my friend.

He's always saying
goofy stuff like that.

"If bugs didn't hide,
I couldn't find them."

I mean, come on.

That is wise. Very
wise if you ask me.

Wise? Like in smart wise?
Like in brainy wise? Him?

You're a little confused. See, if
there's a wise guy around here,

it's me.

Well, I appreciated
what you said.

Thanks.

Um, you're welcome.

Hee. You never have a
camera when you need one.

That bug isn't very big for
all that trouble you went to.

Bigger isn't always better,
but it's always bigger.

- Yeah.
- You were right. He's very wise.

Bigger isn't always better,
but it's definitely bigger.

Hmm.

What a perfect comment on life.

I'm missing
something here, right?

What's it like spending time with
someone as insightful as Pumbaa?

You should consider
yourself very lucky.

Oh.

Yeah, lucky he
didn't land on me.

Have you any more
thoughts to share with us,

old wise one?

I got to have more bugs, and I
got to get more to have more.

Alright, that's it. Get out of
here. Party's over. Hit the road.

Takes all kinds of
mooks to make a jungle.

Whew.

Morning already? Seems
like we just got to bed,

what, 16 hours ago?

Ohh.

Can I help you?

Ok, ok. What gives?

We come for Pumbaa, to
hear his wisdom, to learn.

Pumbaa, wake up.

There's a bunch of wackos out
here waiting for you to say something,

so whatever you do,
don't say anything.

Ohh, ahh.

Morning is the first part
of the rest of the day.

Attention all nutcases,

before this goes any further,
let me try to explain some things.

As you can see by my intelligently
drafted chart, drawn by me,

I might add, my best
friend, who I love like a...

Best friend, is not wise.

He is a mook.

Now, are there any questions?

But we think
Pumbaa is very deep.

Uh, you mean dense, right?

No. I mean he's wise.

I think the word you're
searching for is wide.

Timon, I like doing
stuff during the day.

At night, everything
is much harder to see.

Would you all just quit it?

What's with all the stuff?

Didn't you hear Pumbaa? To
have more, we must get more.

And to have brains,
you must get brains.

Great. Pumbaa's upset
the entire balance of nature.

Pumbaa, you've got to
stop trying to be so profound.

You're going to mess
up the whole jungle.

I'm not trying to
be anything, Timon.

Then how come you're
always saying stuff like

"bugs are like stars," and "bigger
is bigger," and stuff like that?

I don't know. Maybe you
just listen to me too much.

I know I hardly
ever listen to me.

Just listen to you.

For some reason, you've got
everybody hanging on your every word.

What makes you think that?

Call it a hunch.

And might I ask
what you're doing?

I am assembling a collection
of the best of Pumbaa's

perceptive and
brilliant life lessons.

Oh. Whew. Wow, and I thought
it was going to be something silly.

The rest of the jungle shouldn't
be deprived of Pumbaa's wisdom.

But I'm the smart one. I've
always been the smart one.

Why aren't you writing
down what I say?

Mmm. I have now collected enough
of Pumbaa's wisdom for a book.

Hard cover, of course.

Yeah, scurry away, you reptile.

A book of Pumbaa's wisdom
won't sell a single copy.

Not a single copy,
do you hear me?

Timon, does Pumbaa have 2 a's?

It's just like you said
on page 17, and I quote,

"morning is the first part
of the rest of the day."

There are real lessons in here.

Lessons from a warthog
who can't spell his own name?

From the teachings of Pumbaa,

I don't feel the need to
travel in a herd anymore.

I've become my own antelope.

Oh.

For getting the bugs out, there's
no such thing as too much rain.

Oh, by rain, I think
he means problems.

Oh. I get it.

He means that to improve, or
to get the bugs out of your life,

you actually need the problems,

because you can learn
from those problems.

A-a-a-am I right?

Gee, I don't know. Are you?

I see. You want me to come
to the answer myself, don't you?

I do.

Next.

See?

See how nice and normal life can be
when you quit saying such weird stuff?

The problem with not having
enough to eat is that you get so hungry.

That's not going to help.

Pumbaa, put the rock back down,
and whatever you do, don't say a word.

You know, life is
like a box of rocks,

you never know what's going to
crawl out from underneath them.

Rocks.

Pumbaa means that
to live life properly,

we must be vigilant and
prepare for every possibility.

That's way off.

He means we should just accept life
because you can't predict the future.

How dare you corrupt
the words of Pumbaa?

You heard Pumbaa. Did he not
speak of vigilance and preparation?

That's not what I
heard, laughing boy.

I heard him say
mellow out, right?

- No, no.
- Right.

I tend to agree with you.

Wrong.

We think Pumbaa says prepare.

We think he says accept,

and we'll fight for the right to
interpret Pumbaa's words our way.

I'll fight.

And we'll fight for our way.

Then there'll be w*r.

- w*r!
- w*r!

w*r? Over what I said?

Gee, I must be wise.

Great. First they think you're
wise, now you think you're wise.

I'm the only one left
who thinks you're a mook.

Ok then, wise guy, how are you
going to stop the w*r you're causing?

I know. I'll think of
something even wiser to say.

Oh, this is going
to be a long w*r.

Uh, Pumbaa, could you
be wise a little faster?

Pumbaa! Pumbaa!

Pumbaa!

Every single one of you standing
before me ready to do battle

has... fur, or, uh, feathers,

or, uh, scales,

or something in
that general vein,

but none of you, not one,

can say "toy boat" 3 times fast.

- Toy boy...
- toy boyt...

- Toe boat...
- tug boat...

And I'll bet none of you
can tickle yourselves either.

- Whoa.
- What?

As a matter of fact,
I can tickle myself.

Tickle myself?

listening to this guy.

Why, Pumbaa is not wise,

he is a... uh, oh, you there, what
was that name you called him?

- A mook.
- That's it.

A mook.

- Mook.
- Mook.

Well, I'm glad to see they've
finally come to their senses.

Must've been something I said.

You couldn't have
said anything dumber.

If I didn't know better,

I'd think you were
trying to convince them

you were a mook just to
keep them from fighting.

But wouldn't that be
the wise thing to do?

Ain't summer grand, Pumbaa?

We're free to lay around in the sun
with all the June bugs we could want.

Mmm. Would you
sunblock my back, Timon?

I need to protect
my sensitive skin.

Wow. That sunblock is strong.

Huh? Aah!

Aah!

Uh, it's more like a strong,
long arm of some kind.

Your strong, long
arm of the law, that is.

You're both under arrest.

Arrested? What for?

For eating June bugs in July.

Since when is it ill*gal
to eat June bugs in July?

Since a little birdie said so.

A little birdie, Timon?

Yeah. You heard right.

A little birdie.

Timon, it's little Jimmy.

What a coincidence.

It's no coincidence,
Pumbaa. We've been framed.

Don't you remember the
last time we saw little Jimmy?

I'm little Jimmy.
I've lost my home.

One more thing.

One word to the pig, and you'll be
pushing those daisies from 6 feet under.

Pumbaa, it's time
for the secret weapon.

Secret weapon? Oh.
Good idea, Timon.

Let me go.

No.

I'll put a contract out on you.

I'll put a contract out on you.

I'll put a contract out on you.

A contract, Pumbaa. He'll rub us
out. Take us down. Knock us off.

Have some faith in the
justice system, Timon.

Besides, he's only
a bird in a cage now.

He can't do anything to us.

Right. I knew that.

Well, now that you're in the
slammer, you ain't so tough.

I don't have to be tough, see,

'cause I got an enforcer now.

Well, well, well. Who
do we have here?

These are the two I was
telling you about, Mr. Bear.

The two who put me away.

What if they try to hurt me?

Ohh, don't you worry,

'cause if they tried
something stupid like that, why,

I'd probably grab them by
their fat little heads like so,

and then I'd squeeze.

And I'd squeeze

and I'd squeeze
some more, till...

There weren't
nothing left to squeeze.

Now does that make
you feel better, little birdie?

Uh-huh, Mr. Bear.

Timon!

I know, Pumbaa. We
got to get out of here.

We're in a cell with th*gs,
and we have to do aerobics.

This prison stuff is for the birds.
Let's just make a break for it, Pumbaa.

I think we should file
for a pardon instead.

In the meantime, a
little prison's not bad.

We got food, shelter, disco.

It's not like we have
to work a rock pile.

Ok, so we have
to work a rock pile,

but we don't have to work
with little Jimmy and that bear.

Ok, so we have to work
with little Jimmy and that bear

- but we...
- Pumbaa, quit while you're behind.

Hey, Timon, little
Jimmy had an accident.

You ok?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hold this a sec, will you?

Ow!

Huh?

Whoa, whoa. Tell him, Pumbaa.
This ain't what it looks like.

Uh, you mean it doesn't look like
you're standing over little Jimmy

with a pickax in your hands?

Wake up, little Jimmy, old pal.

Show your big, scary friend
you're just kidding around now.

Come on, man.

Oh, no.

What have you two
done to my little birdie pal?

Speak to me, little birdie pal.

Speak to me.

Oh, hi, Mr. Bear. What happened?

Last thing I remember was
those two trying to hurt me.

Well, I thought I
made it very clear

what would happen if
anyone tried to hurt my pal.

Well, you two are going to be
as dead as all my razor-sharp

teeth and claws can make you.

Any last words?

Yes. My last
words are... see ya.

First, we bake a cake with a
file in it to cut through the bars.

Then we tie some sheets
together to go over the wall.

Then we hit the road
in our getaway cart.

Getaway laundry cart, that is.

Are you sure they
came this way, Mr. Bear?

I don't see them.

Oh, I'm sure... ooh, cake.

They're probably trying
to hide some place,

but I will find the
place they're hiding in

and I will make that place...

Their final hiding place.

Oh. Gee willikers.

You sure know how to
make me smile, Mr. Bear.

Was this part of
your plan, Timon?

You got a better
idea, smarty pants?

Yes, I do.

First, I get my law degree.

Then I'll file the paperwork,

and then we'll get the
warden to pardon us.

Tell me again, Mr. Bear,

what you're going to do to
those two when you catch them.

First, I'll pick
them up like so.

Then I'll run them
through my shredder.

Then into the
recycling bin with them,

because we all have to
do our part for ecology.

You know, Mr. Bear, of all the
huge, awful creatures I know,

you're my favorite.

And my favorite
method for revenge.

Pumbaa, I'm all for the environment,
but I do not want to be recycled yet.

Let's get out of here.

Ah.

Writing out those
wills, eh, fellas?

We'll never get out
of here, Pumbaa.

Maybe the governor
will call. It's not too late.

That is not the sound
of the governor calling.

Here's little Jimmy.

Quick, Pumbaa,
the secret weapon.

Good work, Pumbaa.

Not this time. I'm ready
for your secret weapon.

Hold it.

I got a pardon here.

Pumbaa, we've been pardoned.

I got to hand it to you.

No. I got to hand it to them,
'cause the pardon is theirs.

Oh, we're free,
little birdie pal.

So long, fellas.

See you in ten-to-life.

So where do we go
now, eh, little birdie pal?

Alright, stop right there.

Out here, I ain't
your little birdie, pal.

In fact, I don't even need you.

Why don't you get lost, you
big, dumb waste of space?

Hey, that wasn't nice.

You know, I'm thinking maybe you
only been acting nice all this time.

No.

Give the bear a brownie.

His brain cell
finally kicked in. Ha.

Why, you little...

Birdie.

Oh, yeah?

You know, Timon, maybe not
getting pardoned is a good thing.

Are you crazy?
They're free, we're not.

But at least they're out
there and we're in here.

Away from them.

When you put it that way, Pumbaa,
this prison life ain't so bad after all.

Alright, alright, alright.

That's enough.

Back in jail with the
both of you for fighting.

You know what, Mr. Bear?

This is all their fault.

Little baby bird, I
think you're right.

Why didn't we
think of this before?