01x09 - A Case of the Stubborns

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[organ playing]

[rooster crowing]

BOY:
Go ahead and sit, Ma.

I'll get the coffee.

WOMAN:
Thank you, Jody.

[weeping softly]

Don't cry, Ma.

Oh, honey, I have
to a little,

but I'll be all right.
Don't you fret.

It was his
time to go.

I sure am going to miss him
like the dickens.

Go on and say grace now,
Jody, honey.

Lord, for these and all thy
many blessings, we thank thee.

Lord, my-my grandpa's on his way
up to be with you now,

and I hope you and him
will get along real good.

He's not always the easiest.

I mean, he can be
a might feisty sometimes,

but he don't mean
nothing by it.

Anyhow, I just want
to let you know

that he has been a father to me

ever since my daddy died.

And I love him...

loved him a lot.

That's enough now,

Jody, honey.

Amen.

Amen.

[door closing]

What was that?
[footfalls approaching]

[hushed]:
I don't know.

Boy, howdy.

I'm so hungry,

I could eat a dang skunk
this morning.

Oh...

and it sure smells good
to this old nose.

Where's my breakfast?

Don't tell me
you're fixing to eat?

Course I am.

Didn't you hear me say
I was starving?

What in tarnation y'all
staring at?

You feeling all right, Addie?

[gasps]

You eat mine, Daddy.

One egg,
two pieces of sausage?

[laughs, wheezes]

I won't last the morning.

Ah...

well, you two owl-eyed fools
can starve if you want to,

but, eh, I aim to eat.

What's ailing you, boy?

Is you a haint?

Course I ain't a haint.

What gave you
an idea like that?

Jody...
You're dead, Grandpa.

You have to be a haint,
or a ghost, or something.

Nonsense, boy.

I'm just as real
as the nose in your

silly little face.

It's true, Daddy.

You passed on last night.

Don't you recollect?

There ain't nothing wrong
with my memory, gal.

I just had one
of my spells, that's all.

No, t'weren't no spell
this time, Daddy.

You was took so bad, Jody here
had to drag Doc Snodgrass

out of his office, right
in the middle of a poker game.

He was tolerable angry
when he got here, too,

[voice breaking]:
'cause you was already gone.

But I ain't gone.

I'm-I'm... I'm here.

But we seen you
pass on ourselves.

We're witnesses.

Witnesses?!

Are you aiming
to hold a jury trial

to decide if I'm alive or not?!

But, Grandpa, you...

But nothing!

Nobody's going to say
I'm dead when I ain't.

Nobody is going to put me
six feet under

without my say so.

[grunting]

Where are you going?

Where I go every morning, gal.

I'm going to sit
on the front porch and digest.

All this talk about dying
makes a man feel plumb bilious.

To think I was
setting here sniveling

over that old fool.

Like to scare the
daylights out of me.

You mean, he ain't dead, Ma?

Oh, he's dead, all right.

Deader than a hammer.

He's just too all-fired
stubborn to admit it.

Jody, you go see he stays put.

I'm going to go fetch
Doc Snodgrass,

and we'll settle this thing
for once and for all.

♪ I wandered today ♪

♪ Through the hills and... ♪

Ah, there's my
favorite boy.

Come here, Jody.

What happened
to your ma?

She lit out of here

like a scalded cat
a while ago.

She went to see
Doc Snodgrass.

Good thing, too.

Any fool could see,
she ain't feeling well.

[flies buzzing]

Dang flytime
starting up again.

I swear I liked to have
died of the heat yesterday.

But, Grandpa,
you did die.

Now, boy, don't
you start on me!

You hear?

I've had just about
all the foolishness...

MA:
Doc, now why would I
make up a story like that?

I don't know, Addie.

But there's just no way
possible a man could look...

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

What in the name of...?

What are you doing here, Titus?

What does it look like
I'm doing, Doc?

Can't a man sit out
on his own front porch

rockifying in peace?

Rest in peace, that's what
you should be doing.

When I examined you last night,

you was deader
than a Thanksgiving turkey.

And you was drunker
than an old coot,

judging from the way
you look now,

which is considerable
deader than me.

Well, if you're going
to examine me, dang it,

get a move on!

I... I don't hear nothing.

What'd you expect to hear,
the Grand Ole Opry?

Now look here, Titus,
this is no time for funnin'.

Suppose I told you
that your heart stopped...

b-b-beating?

And suppose I tell you
your "stethescone"

is b-b-busted?

Look here.

This mirror's clear!

That means he's got no
breath left in his body.

Try it on yourself,
Snodgrass.

Eh-eh, you got
a breath on you

that would knock a mule
over at 20 paces.

Look here, Titus.

You know I can't read, dang ya.

What is it?

It's your death certificate.

Cause of death?

Cardiac arrest.

That's medical
for "heart attack."

Now, this is a legal paper,
Titus.

It'll stand up
in any court of law.

Well, so will I, dang ya.

And who do you think
the court of law

is gonna believe, eh?

I'm feeling
kind of poorly.

I-I think I'll go on back
down to the office...

to lie down a spell.

Well, don't lie down
too long, Doc.

Or some fool's liable
to write out a paper

saying you died of a hangover.

Well, I'll be blamed if I can
understand why you two

are off your feed.

Mighty fine lunch, Addie.

Whoo-wee!

Time for a little snooze.

[groans]

Keep the ruckus down,
will you, boy?

Yes, Grandpa.

It ain't none of that, Jody.

I thought there might
have been something

starting to spoil.
There is, but it ain't none
of my cooking.

You mean...?

I mean something's
gotta be done about him.

And I don't mean tomorrow.

[flies buzzing]

Grandpa?

Grandpa.
MAN:
Jody Tolliver?

Is that you?

Good day,
Reverend Peabody, sir.

Is he, uh...?

I don't rightly know, sir.

[flies buzzing]

Of course he is.

I swear that Doc Snodgrass
has the orneriest

sense of humor
this side of...

[gasps]
Well, look who's here!

Howdy, Reverend.

MA:
Howdy, Reverend.

He won't listen
to no one.

I reckon I know how you feel,
Reverend.

This heat makes a fella's
throat parch up.

Addie, why don't you go
fetch the reverend

some refreshments?

Well, now, Rev...

...rest your britches
and be sociable.

This, uh...

[clears throat]

This, uh, ain't exactly

a social call, Titus.

What did you come draggin'

all the way over here
in this heat for?

After what the Doc told me,
I just had to see for myself.

Meaning what?

Meaning a man
in your condition

has got no right
to be asking questions.

When the Lord calls,
you're supposed to answer.

I ain't heared nobody calling.

Of course, my hearing
ain't what it used to be.

[wheezing laughter]

So Doc tells me.

Maybe that's why
you can't tell

your heart's
not beating anymore.

Well, it's only natural
for it to slow down a touch.

Now you lived
a mighty long stretch.

Don't you reckon maybe now
it's time to lie down,

call it quits?

Remember, the Lord giveth

and the Lord taketh away.

Well, he ain't gonna
taketh away me.

Listen...

Listen to me, Titus.

You've got nothing
to be afraid of.

Think of it.

No more sorrow.

No more care.

All your burdens laid to rest.

Not to mention getting
out of this hot sun, huh?

[laughing]

You do look hotter
than a boiled owl, Rev.

Addie,

where's that
lemonade?!

[flies buzzing]

Gum it, Titus.

Sure want a heap of convincing.

I reckon you're the contrariest
old coot I ever did see.

Well, now,
Rev, I...

I reckon that's my nature.

I ain't unreasonable...

but I got to have me some proof.

Like that fellow from Missouri
says: "You gotta show me."

Titus...

There are just some things
you've got to take on faith.

Now, I am telling you
the mortal truth when I say

you have no call to fuss.

Now, maybe... maybe the notion
of lying in the grave

don't hold much appeal for you,

and I... I can sympathize.

But, Titus...

while your bones
is resting six feet under,

your everlasting soul
is on the wing.

Flying,

straight up--

yes, yes--

right into the arms
of the Lord.

What a great day it's fixing
to be, Titus.

You, free as a bird,

scooting around with them
heavenly hosts on high,

singing the praises
of the Almighty.

All I can say is,
if you think that the heavens

is such an all-fired great idea,

then why don't you
go there yourself?

Addie!

The reverend here
is taking hisself a...

a conniption fit.

We're out of lemonade,
Reverend.

All I got is
this here jug.

Praise be, praise be,
praise be.

Ooh.

[grunts]

Titus...

as the Lord's emissary
here in Greenville,

I've got to tell you,

what you're doing now
is plumb sacrilegious.

You can turn your nose up
at heaven now if you want,

but you keep this up,
and you're gonna find yourself

in a place where the weather
ain't near so nice, you hear me?

I ain't hard of hearing, Rev.

I'm just tired of hearing.

Mrs. Tolliver...

you're a fine woman.

And, Jody...

you're a fine young sprout.

But there's others
in my flock as needs me.

Reverend, wait.

What am I going to do?

Have no fear.

We must trust in
the power of prayer.

Oh!

[Grandpa cackling]

Look at him skedaddle!

[flies buzzing]

Took the jug with him, too.

Power of prayer, my foot.

Grandpa, want me to go get you
a flyswatter?

There's a good boy.

Don't cry, Ma.

Oh, Jody, honey,

I wish your pa was here.

He'd know what to do.

Never you mind.
I've got a plan.

What kind of plan?

I'm fixin' to
take me a hike

over to the
voodoo woman's place.

Over to Spooky Hollow?

Oh, Jody, I don't think
that's a good idea.

Ma, help is where you find it

and we need something stronger
than words now.

Ain't you a'feared?

Not in daylight.

Besides, I'll be back
before dark.

[knocking on door]

Is anybody home?

[cackling]
[owl hooting]

What have we here, eh,
Ambrose, my sweet?

Why, a tasty dumpling
to be sure.

Why, a meal this big

ought to last us
a week, at least.

[cackling]

Halt!

Don't you move or I'll
turn you into swamp water.

Please don't
eat me, ma'am.

Oh, and why not?

Ambrose dearly
loves the eyeballs,

and my favorite
is the liver.

Young liver is the best.

[cackling]

Oh...

Oh, sh**t.

Oh, dang it, Ambrose.

Ah, I've done gone soft.

[sighs]

Lost my concentration, to boot.

[sighs]

I'm telling you, boy,
don't ever get old.

You mean,
you ain't going to eat me?

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Ma'am, my name is

Jody Tolliver, and I was
hoping you could help us

with a little problem.

Tolliver?

Are you any relation,

uh, to Titus Tolliver?

I know'd your grandpap
from the long ago.

He was set in his ways
even then.

Stubborn as a mule.

I reckon I owe him one
for old time's sake.

Well, let me see...

If I got something in here

ain't all together
old and useless...

I've got it...
just the thing.

Ma!

Thank the Lord, you're
back, Jody, honey.

I've been fixi''
to lose my mind

with all the ruckus
going on round here.

What kind of ruckus?

Well, of all, Old Bixby,
the undertaker,

he come along and said,
if we didn't have the remains

tooken care of,
he was going to report us

to the Board of Health,

and have us quarantined.

Grandpa's getting stiffer
than a board,

but he won't pay it no heed.

He just keeps saying,
"What's for dinner?"

I never heard tell
of such a scandal

in these parts, and we're it.

Everything is going to be fine.

Look what the
voodoo woman gave me.

[gasps]: It ain't
poisonous, is it?

No, Ma, it ain't poison.

Besides, how can we poison him
if he's already dead?

Let's see.

[sniffs]

Why, Jody, honey, that ain't
nothing but strong black pepper.

I think that voodoo lady's
been pulling your leg.

No, she promised me.

Well, with the
Board of Health people

set to come snapping
at our heels tomorrow,

I guess we got to
give it a chance.

She tell you
what to do?

Well, you go ahead
and do whatever it is.

I'll finish
getting dinner.

[footfalls]

Is that collard greens
and catfish head I smell?

My favorite.

Come on, then,
what's taking you?

I'm a might stiff, is all.

Stiffer than
a two by four.

You should be upstairs in bed
with a lily in your hand.

That's where you should be.

There you go again!

I told you I ain't dead
so many times

I'm blue in the face!

Now, that's the truth.

Fact is, I haven't seen
anybody look any bluer.

What in blazes is that?

Just-Just your napkin, Grandpa.

[grunting]

Well, come on, boy!

Don't sit there
looking ornamental.

Help me load up
this here plate.

Dead am I?

Never thought I'd see the day

when somebody would say that
to my face,

let alone
my kinfolk.

Oh, could be
I'm tolerable stubborn,

but I-I-I don't want
to make trouble for anyone,

least of all
my own flesh and blood.

Mmm...

Now, if I saw me
some proof that I was

truly dead,

I'd be the first one

to go right upstairs
and lie down forever.

Grandpa?

Hmm?

You've got some greens
on your chin.

Oh, thank you, boy.

What...?!

What in blazes is that?!

Well, who put the...?

[blubbering]

You must be gone out of your...

[sneezes violently]

Gad-dang!

Will you look at...

I... I guess
there's no fool

like a... like
an old fool.

You be good, now, Jody.

You, uh,
take care of your ma.

Bye, all.

Ain't nothing more
to worry about, son.

He done laid down
his burden at last.

Gone to glory, amen.

All he needed was
his blessed proof.

Amen, Ma.

You best get rid
of that, Jody.

If that ain't proof,
I don't know what is.

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time,
try to enjoy the daylight.