01x14 - Snip, Snip

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[lively music playing on TV]

[audience applause]

ANNOUNCER [on TV]:
Hey, good evening, folks.

And, oh, boy, what a night
it's going to be.

During the past few months,

over five million of you
have participated

in our state's first
big Jackpot-O-Rama.

And in just a few minutes,

we're going to find out which
one of you is the lucky winner.

And by the way,
I could use a new car,

so if you've got any spare
change left

after the first 8 mil, don't
forget your old buddy here, huh?

All right.

You got it, pal.

[applause on TV]

Now, we're gonna take
a small commercial break,

and then we're....
[remote clicks]

Hello, uh, Mrs. Buchanan.

[clears throat]

Is...

May I speak to the headmaster,
please?

Thank you.

Charlie, hi.

Uh, it's Abe.

Abe.

You remember me, Abe North.

N-o-r-t-h.

That's right, yeah,
freshman Algebra.

I've only been teaching at Regis
for 12 years now.

Why am I calling you at home?

Well, uh,

I guess you might say

this is a special night for me,
Charlie.

You see,

I've always loved numbers.

They're so... infinite.

So... cosmic.

But it wasn't till
a few years ago

that I actually started

listening to them.

What do you mean,
what do they say to me?

No, we cannot discuss this
tomorrow.

Because the truth is, Charlie,

I will not be seeing you
tomorrow.

In fact,

I won't be seeing you
ever again.

No, I am not drinking.

Listen, Charlie.

There comes a time

when you just gotta say no more.

No more.

No more rotten kids too lazy
to learn anything.

No more lousy parents

who just don't give
a flying fig.

No more slaving your life away

so that you can earn half
of what the janitor makes.

My spirits told me
which numbers to buy.

My spirits told me
which number to keep.

Six sixes from the ashes rise.

Six sixes
soon will win the prize.

Hello?

Of course you don't understand!

That's because
you've never explored

the mysteries of the universe.

The vast unknown.

The powers beyond.

No, you listen to me.

In less than one minute,

I'm gonna be rich
for the first time in my life.

I'm gonna be a winner,

so you can just take
your damn job

and shove it!

My time has come.

[remote clicks]
[applause on TV]

ANNOUNCER:
Well, this is it.

Magic time, so hold your breath,
folks.

I'm going to reach in here

and pull out tonight's lucky,
lucky ticket.

It'll all be over in a moment.

Spirits, treat me right.

Show me all your might.

Make me rich this night.

My time has come.

[drumroll]

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a very odd number.

And the winning number

of tonight's rag to riches
Jackpot-O-Rama is...

six, six, six,

six,

six, seven!
[cymbals crash]

And tonight's lucky winner

of $10 million is...

Anne MacColl.

[screaming]

I did it!

I did it!

I won!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Anne lives in Port Huron
and is a hairdresser.

That is, she was a hairdresser

up until a few moments ago.
Ha, ha, ha!

That's all for now,
from Jackpot-O-Rama.

And until next time,
this is your host....

[remote clicks]

[clears throat]

Mrs. Buchan--
oh, Mr. Buchanan.

Uh, there's been some kind
of a-a mistake.

Uh, my ticket--

you know, I-I was only
off by one number.

Uh, you understand, this...

[clears throat]
about the job, I....

Hello? Wait a minute.

Mr....

What'll I do?

What'll I do?

[snaps fingers]

That's it.

[sotto voce]:
That's it, come on.

MacColl.

Let's see, Anne MacColl.

Spirits...

give me a sign.

[small expl*si*n]

It was a great party.

Thanks, Phil.

Oh, that's all right.

Uh, and, uh, you think
maybe I could,

uh, I could, uh....

Want to touch it
again, Phil?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.
[chuckles]

Anne, now that
you're a rich lady,

I hope you
don't go away, huh?

I was so happy when
you moved here,

upstairs
from my delicatessen.

I got my plans, Phil.

Oh?

You know, your hair is
starting to curl up

just a little
in the back.

Why don't you
stop by tomorrow
for a little trim?

[chuckling]:
Oh...

you're gonna be the same
woman all the time,

ain't you, Anne?

[crashing]
I hope so.

[bird squawking]

Calm down, Lu.

What was that?
LU:
What was that?

It's the pipes.

They're always
singing.

Oh, well, anyhow,

you be careful
huh, Anne?

You know, there's lots
of crazy people out there

who hear about your money
on the TV.

You think old Lu would
let anything happen to me?

Oh. Yeah.

Well, you take care,
huh, Anne?

Good night.
'Night, Phil.

Good night.

What do you think, Lu?

Maybe we'll do something daring
with Phil's hair tomorrow.

[squawking]

Maybe a Mohawk.

[Lu squawking]

Just think, Lu, no more

working at home anymore.

No more barber chair

in the middle
of the room.

And no more of these guys
to clutter up the place.

I'm gonna have the best
beauty parlor in Port Huron.

Getting out of my party dress.

Hey, Lu, remember
that rich record guy,

the one that looked
like Matt Dillon?

I had this dream that
we'd be getting married.

Doesn't matter now.

I can get diamond stockings.

I can wear
diamond stockings
to work if I want.

Hello!

[squawking]

ANNE: Hey, Lu, and
maybe a prince will
want to marry me.

Like Lawrence Olivier
and Marilyn Monroe.

But I'll turn him down,

even if he thinks
I'm beautiful.

[Anne humming]

[Anne continues humming]
[Lu squawking]

What is it, Lu?

LU:
Hello.

Hello. What's the matter?

Oh, my God.

All this excitement,
you never got your dinner.

Sorry, Lu, I really am.

I'll get it in a flash.

Hmm, that's odd.

Come to think of it, Lu,
I'd better put this thing away.

You know what they say.

No tickee, no winnee.

[music box plays pretty melody]

[squawks]

Don't get impatient, Lu.

You're gonna love this stuff.

ANNE: Fresh angleworms
and sesame seeds.

My grandmother always said,
you are what you eat.

[squawking loudly]

Lu... [screams]

[Lu squawks]

I'm sorry.
I don't do hair in the evenings.

You're going to have
to come back tomorrow.

Look, lady,

I've got a weapon in
here, but I won't use it

if you just keep quiet.

Now sit down, please.

What do you want?

Let's just say
I-I'm a poor working slob

who wants a little
of what's coming to him in life.

Don't tell me this
has something to do
with the lottery.

You're getting warm.

Look, I don't even
have the money yet.

I mean, they told me the
crazies would be after me.

I'm no crazy!

That was my ten million.

I was supposed
to win tonight.

All my signs told me I
was gonna be the winner.

Look, I believe in astrology
as much as the next girl,

but this was a lottery.

I won, and you lost.

Millions of other
people lost, too.

I'm real sorry for you,
but it's not my fault.

My spirits...

My spirits assured me

that my time had come.

Spirits? Is that as
in distilled spirits?

Oh, that's very funny.

You know, there is such
a thing as black magic,

and I got powers.

Really? Maybe you'd like to
show me some of your powers.

Okay, miss, maybe I would.

How about the lights, huh?

I'm impressed.

A human rheostat.

I did that.

I did that
with my own power.

You mean water and
power, don't you?

That's where
you work, right?

You rigged this whole
thing up as a joke.

Why am I even wasting my time
talking with you?

I came here
to get that ticket.

That's exactly
what I'm going to do.

What good would
my ticket do you?

You can't cash it in.

I'm not gonna cash it in.

I'm gonna rip it up.

What?

Then they'll have
to hold a new drawing.

And then I'll be the winner.

You're mad.

Maybe I am.

But I ain't gonna
be poor no more.

But I don't keep
my ticket here.

Oh, really?

No. I keep it
down at the bank.

That's funny.

Uh, you know, I-I just
happened to be passing by

a few minutes
ago, and uh, gee,

I could've sworn I saw
you put it right in here.

It's not in there.

Is that so?

Well, let's see.

Maybe if I... if I use
all my powers, I just...

It's not in there.

[pretty melody playing]

[music box playing
pretty melody]
No. Now I saw it.

I saw you put
that ticket in here.

Now, the man is seeing
things, Lucifer.

[Lucifer squawking]

Lucifer?

Oh, you can
call him Lu.

Wait a minute.

There's something very strange
going on in here.

You could say
that again.

Look, why don't you
just leave now?

I won't press
charges.

We'll pretend the whole thing
never happened.

It's in here!
I can feel it!

What?
I don't know exactly.

In here.

What are you doing?
Get out of there
this minute!

Stop!

I'm telling you.

Look,

I don't want to hurt you.

You seem awfully
nice, really.

Maybe we could get
to like each other.

What are you
getting at, lady?

What are you trying
to hide in here, huh?

Be my guest.

[trapdoor squeaking]

It seems we have
something in common.

Why, Abe North,
you look so surprised.

Whatever for?

How do you know me?

How do you know my name?

Your guides.
They told me a
lot about you.

Don't you get it, Abe?

Little boys should never
play with grownup spirits.

The ticket
was never important.

What matters is the power

and what you're willing
to do to possess it.

I tried to warn you,
but you wouldn't listen.

And now, snip, snip.

I'm getting out of here.

Snip, snip.

Please let me out.

Snip, snip.

Let me out!

Everybody always
wants to leave.

Men come in here.

Sure they think,
you're kind of cute.

[pretty melody plays]

But nobody wants
to spend their whole life

with someone who's a nothing,

who's some
unknown beautician.

[Lu squawks]
ANNE: So one day,

you decide, snip, snip.

[popping]

That's the end of it.

I'm gonna take control
over my life.

Snip, snip.

[squawks]

Snip, snip.

[balloons popping]

Snip, snip.

[balloons popping]

Snip, snip.

[balloons popping]

Snip, snip.

[balloons popping]

Snip, snip.

ANNE:
Snip, snip.
[popping]

ANNE: Snip, snip.

What are you doing to me?!

Don't you know, Abe?

This is it.

Your time has come.

For every victory,
there's a sacrificial lamb.

Every winner
needs a loser.

Well, Abe, here it is.

Here's the ticket
you've been wanting so badly.

Oh, no, I'm wrong.

This isn't my ticket.

This one is all sixes.

Tell me, Abe,

shall I go snip, snip?

That ticket is mine!

[screaming]

[squawks]

[squawks]

[pretty melody playing]

Hey.

Hello, Lucifer.

I'll get your dinner.

[pretty melody
continues playing]

You know, Anne, people--

they've been
stopping by all day,

asking me
about the million-dollar lady.

Yeah? What do
you tell them?

Oh, I told them, "She gives
one hell of a haircut."

Oh, thanks, Phil.

So, what are you
gonna have today?

Ah, you know me, Anna.

Anything that you do for me,
that's just fine. [chuckles]

Okay, lets see.

Um, we've
done that one.

Oh.

I don't think that
this is you yet, Phil.

Your hair is too
short for that.

I think this guy
is too boring.

I've got this new one here
I've been dying to try out.

It'll look good on you,
don't you think, Phil?

Can I?

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there,

waiting for us to enter,

waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.