01x22 - Grandma's Last Wish

[bunniefuu]

Tales From the Darkside #124
"Grandma's Last Wish
"Closed Captioned

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[lively big band music plays]

♪ ♪

[snoring]

[door opens]

It's me!
[door slams shut]

I'm home, Mom!

What's for
dinner?!

Who said something?

Mom!
Greta?

Greta, is that you?
Mom!

Mom!
Come tell me
about your day at school.

Where are you?

Grandma,
where's Mom?

Huh?

Where's Mom?!

I can't hear you
over the music.

Where is Mom?!

Yes! I got my hair

done yesterday.

[door opens]

Ten, eleven, twelve.

Did you make it
around the yard, Mom?

[phone rings]
I'll get it.

No, I'll get it!

Hello, Rawlins
residence.

Mom, I'm waiting
for a call.

May, I didn't see any olives
in the cupboard.

Hello, Doris, have they come
to wreck your home yet?

I looked in the refrigerator,
too.

You mean there's
a bulldozer in
your front yard?

Well, I'd get the kids
out of the house.

[laughing]:
Oh, that's an idea
worth thinking about.

GRETA:
Mom, I'm waiting
for a call.

[May laughs]

MAY:
Are you sure? No!

You are kidding.

Okay, sure.

When?
[groans]

I'm going to watch
Aerobic Action!

Greta, don't you dare
turn on that TV!

I want my own phone!
Suzy has her own phone!

You should take serious
dancing lessons, pumpkin.

You inherited talent.

Oh, my God.
Grandma.
That's right.

I couldn't have been
an important dancer

for Florence Ziegfeld

if I hadn't had dancing
lessons, pumpkin.

Yes, I can hear
it bulldozing.

I cannot
believe this!

Do you know how primo it is
to talk to Buzz?!

I can hear
it bulldozing!

It's unfair!

Greta, I've told your father

I would pay
for your dancing lessons.

I remember.

May, you remember
I told you that.

Grandma, shh.
I'm on the phone.

Well, she shouldn't
be swinging on bars
like a monkey.

She inherited
talent.
[loud rock music begins playing]

Greta, turn down that music!
[turns down music]

Right. Call me back after
the kitchen's been demolished.

Are you off?

Yes, young lady.

May, did you put the olives
in another cupboard?

Why don't you
call Buzz?

That way you don't have
to wait for his call.

I can't call a boy.

Grandma, you left the water
running in the bathroom again.

Why are they in the bathroom?

And you used up
all the paper towels

and you forgot
to tell me.

[phone rings]
It's Buzz!

Hello, Rawlins
residence.

Sally!
[high-pitched scream]

How's the root canal?

You heard what I said
about the dancing lessons.

Grandma, I'm on the phone.

Why don't you watch TV?

[rock music becomes louder]

Sally, I told you
not to cut corners.

You should've gone
to a real dentist.

[music playing]

Greta!

Greta Rawlins, turn down
that music right now,

or you don't have the use
of this phone all night!

[turns down music]
Of course,
what else?

[laughing]
Me, too.

No. Uh-huh.

Yeah? Oh,
you're kidding.

[laughing]

[game show plays loudly on TV]

MAN:
So it's 5-3,
and Jared is our new champion.

[applause on TV]

So let's keep our fingers
crossed as Sharon joins me...

Grandma!

Must you play the TV so loudly!

I'm on the phone!

Where are
your slippers?

You're going to
catch your death.

Summer's here, Mom.

The rotten board
on the porch
is a death trap.

I almost fell
rumpside yesterday.

I'll fix it.

It's not fun
being old, son.

You worry
about things.

Now, just yesterday...

I'll fix the
porch Saturday.

I'm not complaining but a
rotten board is like a...

Eat your bran.

Mom, you got to
get off my back.

I'm your mother,
that's where I belong.

GRETA:
Good morning.

You coming to my gymnastics
meet, Saturday, Dad?

Oh, my God.

Who are you?

Whoo! I am Greta.

Call the doctor.

Grandma! I'll tell you
about my routine.

You're not going outside
dressed like that.

Why not?

Think of the traffic.

Grandma!

I go from a walkover,

to a back leap
onto the bar,

three revolutions. Whoo!

What happened
to your hair?

Like it?

Did you sleep hanging
from the ceiling?

It's a look.

What?

A look.
You know, a style.

I can't hear you, speak up.

You're supposed to
be eating your bran.

Dad, she is always
telling me what to do.

When I was your age, I never
thought about being old.

I can't take her
anymore, Dad.

Morning, troops.

Greta, that outfit.

Geez!

May, there was no
lettuce for my sandwich.

Did you buy
lettuce yesterday?

No, Grandma, I told
you that last night.

No lettuce,
I forgot.

Son, you better fix
the front porch.

FRANK:
Sure, Mom.

May, it's all right
about the lettuce.

I know you have
a lot on your mind.

Grandma, use your walker.

Grandma!

[grunts]

FRANK:
Ma!
[cries out]

Grandma,
are you all right?
Grandma?!

Are you
okay, Mom?
I'm all right.

GRANDMA:
Sometimes you don't see things

before it's too late.

Please.

My legs aren't what
they used to be.

I used to be a dancer
for Billy Rose.

And he said...

Greta, you're going to
be late for school.

GRETA:
Are you going
to tell her now?

Bye, honey.

Oh, what's that,
eau de horse manure?

It's called
Country Lane.

I like it.

I thought I
smelled something.

GRETA:
Bye, Grandma.

I didn't see any tomato
juice in the refrigerator.

Mom, you remember what
we've been talking about?

I don't care about the tomato
juice or-or the lettuce.

MAY:
Grandma...

Look, a whole
tub of butter.

Isn't that nice?

Mom...

I'd go to the store myself,

but those ninnies won't
let me drive anymore.

We think it would
be a good idea...
No!

...to talk to the people
who run the...

May, you know
I like olives.

Did I leave my toothbrush
in your bed?

No, Grandma.

Maybe I took it to the garbage.

I was looking for toothpaste.

Someone's coming to talk
to you tonight, Mom.

Son...

We want you to listen
to what he's got to say.

[slide projector whirring,
piano playing upbeat tune]

MAN:
Oh. Everyone's happy
at Tranquil Gardens.

Ah.

You'll get tired of smiling.

MAY:
Oh!

[May laughs]

How are your smiling muscles,
Mrs...

Rawlins?

In good shape?

We'll really give them
a good workout.

Yes, sirree.

Can I call you Grandma?

MAY:
Oh, it looks like fun!

Such fun.

I assume you'll want
the deluxe studio apartment.

Private bath and Muzak.

We have every popular tune
from 1930 on.

Plus...

a recreation room
with your name on it.

Oh!

Rack 'em up, Grandma.

You'll love
living with us

at Tranquil
Gardens, Grandma.

Could I have some lights,
please?

[piano music stops]

Sounds good.

What do you think, Mom?

MAN:
You can get cable TV
for a little extra fee.

Room service.
Oh!

Extra.

And a nurse comes in
once a day

just to see
if you're still...

Kicking?

Hey, Grandma,

none of that.

It's a humdinger of a place.

I call the place
humdinger heaven.

And it's all yours
for just, uh, $649.99 a month.

Meals extra,
laundry extra,

medical extra.

Refrigerator $12 a month extra,

and pay toilets.

[laughing]:
Oh, no.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Oh.
A little joke.

[weak laughter]

Plumbing's free.
Yeah.

Aren't you glad
you found us?

Sign here.

You'll love it.

I could pick you up,

uh... a week from tonight.

Oh. Good.

Well, sounds like
a terrific place.

A humdinger.

Uh, let's make this last week
together really special.

Oh, good idea.

What shall we do?

FRANK:
Whatever you
want, Mom.

You name it.

Grandma?

FRANK:
Tell us what you want.

[laughs]
I know, I know,
I know, I know.

Make a wish.

A wish.

Yeah, Grandma,
make a wish.

And we'll do everything
we can to grant your wish.

Do you have one?

I have a wish.

Oh, isn't that
wonderful?

What is it?

How can we grant it if you
don't tell us what it is?

GRANDMA:
I have a wish.

You know what I kept
of yours, Harry?

Besides the boxer shorts?

Your belief in me.

Isn't this
a beautiful shine?

Mom, when was Richard
Nixon president?

When I was pregnant
with you.

That's why you're so weird.

What was Watergate?

I could do a commercial
for this wax.

Isn't this a beautiful shine?

Mom, what was...

[shrieks]

[body thuds]

Mom?!

Oh, my ankle.

Are you okay?

Let me help you.

[yells]

[yells louder]

I hope it's just a sprain.

[gasps]

Did you hurt
yourself, May?

[on TV]: The first contestant
to get five correct answers
[phone ringing]

without a miss, will get
a chance to go the limit.
[May grunts]

If you guess incorrectly
at any time,

your score will return
to zero

and you'll have to start
a new series

of five correct answers.
Oh!

Your opponent will receive
one point...
[ringing continues]

Greta, answer the phone!

[bell dinging on game show]

[ringing stops]

Then we'll have a winner
who'll play our solo game.
[groans]

I'm practicing.

Well, when you get to be
my age, young lady...

Oh, what are you,
10,000 years old?

[phone rings]

Yeah, hello.

Oh...

Hi, Buzz.

Greta!

You have got to fix
that loose step on the porch.

I practically fell rumpside
and k*lled myself this morning.

You sound like my mother.

Did you buy the groceries?

I forgot.

Whoo! Dad, I want to show you
my new routine.

Watch this. Whoo!

Oh!

What'd you do?

Greta, freeze!

Pumpkin.

My neck...

I must've pulled something.

Weird.

This is weird.

Who wants more milk?

I need it
for my foot.

Greta, you should
have some calcium.

It feels like ten million
little fingers

are pulling one muscle this way,

and 20 billion
thousand fingers

are pulling that muscle
another way.

It's weird.

At least I'm not throwing up
or anything.

How can such disgusting words
come out of such a sweet face?

I'm not sweet.

I'm interesting.

Ow!

Greta Tallulah
Jane Rawlins.

Don't call me that!

There is nothing wrong
with being sweet.

My feet are fine.
How are your feet?

Mine hurt.

[phone ringing]

Frank, get that,
will you, honey?

If Buzz knew my middle name
was Tallulah, I'd die.

I'd check into a hospital,
hook myself up to a machine,

pull the plug and die.

Greta!

Tallulah was one
of my best friends.

I helped keep her skirt down
at parties.

Oh, my foot is starting
to throb.

Well, Dr. Johnson said
that at my age, it should mend.

Would you pass the
carrots, please?

Greta, close your mouth
when you chew.

It'll mend slowly,
but it'll mend.

Are those carrots or peas, May?

They're orange.

I like peas.

Mom, I'm not wearing
one of those things.

I'll look like an alien.

Well, you do your best
to look like one anyway.

Dr. Johnson is coming
to check your neck.

I'm not wearing one
of those things!

How are you feeling, Mom?

Fine, son, fine.

I'm glad your fine, Mom.

I wouldn't want all three of my
girls to be down in the dumps.

Don't worry
about a thing, May.

I'm going to take care
of all the dishes.

Are you sure?

[Frank screams,
dishes clattering]

[birds chirping]

What was it you
wanted, Grandma?

Tea, sugar?

Salt.

[screams]

What is it?

Look at my hands.

I'm looking.

Age spots.

There and there
and there!

My God, I'm only 40 years old.

FRANK:
They look like
big freckles.

They're huge, ugly liver spots
on my hands!

It's disgusting.

They look like freckles.

What's the big deal?

Go to the drugstore
and get me some
vanishing cream.

I've gotta fix
the washing machine.

Are you a ninny?!

I can't drive
with this foot!

Pumpkin, settle down.

Don't you pumpkin me!

I'm getting old
and ugly,

and all you can do
is call me pumpkin?!

[screams]

Would you like some coffee, son?

It's not gonna be
in here, Mom,

but you can look.

There it is!

Grandma's favorite blanket.

How in the dickens
did that get up there?

[metallic clanking,
Frank screams]

Frank!

Honey!

Oh, talk to me.

Huh?

Greta, call
Dr. Johnson.

Ask him if he'll run
across the street.

Greta!

What?!

Call Dr. Johnson!

Honey...

What is your name, son?

See if he knows who he is.

What?

Ask him his name.

I can't understand you.
Speak up.

Ask him his name!

Honey, how...
how do you feel?

Hello?

Sometimes you don't see things

until it's too late.

Is Dr. Johnson there?

You look bad, son.

What?

What?

Do you know
who I am?

Oh, Dr. Johnson, can you come
over right away?

My father has a hibachi
on his head.

Mom, he's coming
right over!

What?!

Listen up, why don't ya?!

What?!

Oh, my God.

FRANK:
Our last evening together.

To Grandma.

ALL:
To Grandma.

Mom, you never did tell us
about your wish.

We wanted to do

something special for you.

We really did.

FRANK:
Remember when
I was 12, Mom,

and you were working
on Broadway,

and I snuck backstage?

MAY:
Did somebody see

my toothbrush
this morning?

I remember I snuck backstage
when I was ten.

GRETA:
You said you were 12.

And-And Gertrude Lawrence...

It was Fanny Brice.

Greta, did you take
my toothbrush?

Lawrence!

Brice.

I... can't remember.

It was me.

I'd finally made it.

Mr. Rose sent me flowers
every night.

You snuck backstage
to watch me from the wings.

[chuckles]

I was the toast of the town.

Frank,

you said to me...

"Mama," I said,

"you're more beautiful
than Greta Garbo."

[humming gentle melody]

I-I feel...

Weird.

This is weird.

I remember
when I was a little girl.

I remember...

When I was little.

[humming continues]

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Use your walker.

Hi, Grandma.

Today's your lucky day, huh?

I suppose it is.

Yes.

Does the family want
to say good-bye?

Maybe they might like
to come with me

to humdinger heaven.

GRANDMA:
What do you know.

Wishes can come true.

[lively big band music plays]

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.