04x11 - Love Hungry

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[dog barks in distance]

Hello. Hello, babies.

Mama's home.

l know, l know you're hungry,
snookums.

We're all hungry.

lt's snack time.

-MALE VOlCE: Hey, fattie,
you warthog. -Mmm... [laughs]

Pick up some whipped cream

to slather all over
your buttocks

and squish between
your fat toes?

You want to look like
a walking cream puff?

A walking, talking lard bucket

oozing down the street, Fobsie?

[cackling]

[woman screaming over TV]

[screaming continues]

[TV clicks off]

Okay, snookums, it's food time.

Open your pores.

Open wide!

Num, num, num, num, num, num!

All my little babies, yeah!

Don't you want
to talk to Mommy?

You're my little buddies,
yes, you are.

O-A-L-A-H-A-- Oalaha.

[phone line rings]

WOMAN:
Hello?

My name is Betsy Cowland
from Special Editions, Limited,

and you're Mrs....

WOMAN:
What's this all about?

lt's about you being able
to own a lovely edition

of Special Editions, Limited;

those special books
not available on television

or in the bookstores

or anywhere else,
for that matter.

[click, dial tone]

[phone rings]

No one ever calls me.

Hello?

Hello?

MAN:
Weight Away calling.

The call that will change
your life.

l think you have--

MAN: Weight Away is not
available on television

or in bookstores or anywhere
else, for that matter.

How did you get my...?

MAN: At Weight Away,
you don't get gimmicks

like talking refrigerators.

BETSY:
How did you know?

Who is this?

MAN:
You get guarantees.

But...

MAN:
We'll deliver this afternoon.

''Your weight is over.''

[receiver clicks, dial tone]

Hello? Hello?

What's going on?

[dog barking in distance]

[knocking]

Who is it?

Betsy Cowland?

Yes?

Delivery.

l didn't order anything.

Oh, it's okay.
''Your weight is over.''

[dog barking in distance]

Wonder what it is.

''Congratulations.

''You are one of the first owners

''of the most advanced
weight-loss technology ever.

''For best results, insert in ear
before every meal.

Guaranteed weight loss
with regular use.''

[phone rings]

Hello?

MAN:
Betsy?

Who is this and how did you get
my number?

MAN:
ls this Betsy Cowland?

How did you get my number?

ELMO:
Betsy, it's Elmo Shroud.

Elmo?

Elmo Shroud from
good ol' Oswego High.

The last time l saw you
was, uh, prom night.

Elmo.

Um, yeah, l-l'm in town
on business,

and l thought it might be fun
to get together.

You know, talk about
the good ol' days.

Yes, uh, they were
wonderful days.

Uh, how did you get my number?

From your brother.

He gave me your address, too.

Uh, why don't l pick you up,
say, about 8:00?

BETSY:


ELMO:
lt's a date. See you then. Bye.

[click, dial tone]

BETSY:
So, what do you think?

lt's an old dress.

Just a little tight...

here and here.

Oh, and there.

[sighs]

And there.

Well, maybe if l don't breathe
too much,

he... he won't notice.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

Oh, who am l trying to kid?

Maybe this wasn't such
a great idea.

Maybe he won't show up.

[knocking]

He showed up.

lt's open!

[owl hooting in distance]

Betsy?

Elmo?

Well, uh, you-you certainly look
healthy.

Thank you.
And you look shiny.

Yeah, well, l'm just glad
to be looking at all, if, uh...

Well, you know what l mean.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Uh... did you ever marry?

Uh, no, no.

-You see, l've been traveling.
-Oh.

You know, l've always wanted
to travel, yeah.

BETSY:
Yeah.

Well, l-l see that you've been
to the jungle here.

What?

l-l was just joking.

l mean all of these-these
plants, you know?

BETSY:
Yeah.

Well, you look different.

Are you hungry?

[traditional Mexican
music plays]

l know it's a lot of food.

Believe me, l've tried
everything l can to lose weight.

l've-l've done the water diet,

the tea diet, the juice diet.
the no-diet diet.

l even had my earlobes stapled.

Didn't work.

[weak laugh]

Oh, l've wrapped myself
in cellophane,

l wore weight belts, fat pants,
even suction pants.

Suction pants?

Mm, pants connected to a vacuum

that's supposed to suck off
the pounds.

lt doesn't work.

l looked into the liposuction
operation

where they really open you up
and take out the fat,

but that's too expensive.

[watch beeping]

Oh, uh, excuse me.

l-l have to make
a-a telephone call.

[frequency tuning]

[screaming, shrieking]

[screaming, sobbing]

[frequency tuning]

MALE VOlCE:
No, no, no, come on!

[Betsy gasps]

ls there something wrong?

No... l-l've got something
in my ear.

l can't get it out.

Oh, it's okay.

This looks just great.

[horrific screaming]

[fleshy squish]

[screaming continues]

[music stops]

Betsy?

ELMO:
What's this?

Elmo...

l'm sorry l embarrassed you.

l shouldn't go out.

l'm-l'm gross and stupid.

Oh, no.

Betsy, are-are-are
you all right?

You want to see a doctor?

No...
No, you can just leave.

l've ruined your night.

Uh, someone left this
at your back door.

What is it?

l don't know.

lt says it's from
''Your weight is over.''

No.

l'll, uh, open it.

BETSY:
Good-bye.

Betsy... could l say something?

You were the prettiest
girl in our class.

[door shuts]

l'm not the most
beautiful girl anymore.

Glasses.

''Guaranteed weight loss
with regular use.''

[laughing]

Guaranteed.

[multiple voices]:
Please don't...!

Please don't eat us!

Please don't eat us!
Please don't eat us!

ALL: Please don't eat us!
Don't eat us!

-No!
-Aah!

FEMALE VOlCE: l implore you
to stay your hand.

MALE VOlCE:
Yeah, she's right, lady.

Give us a break here, huh?

MALE VOlCE 2:
We've done you no harm.

Why abuse us so?

What's the matter, lady,
cat got your tongue?

Cat got my tongue?

Hey, lady, whoa!
Just a simple question here.

No. No!

lt's not a simple question
when a banana asks it.

lt's not a simple question
at all.

Hey, you got a problem
with bananas, lady?

Yes.

Yes, with talking bananas,
yes, l do.

Now, honey child, calm yourself.

No need to get upset.

Oh, this has got to be
some kind of, uh...

l don't know, drug or dream.

There are no chemicals
or psychoses involved here.

Like yourself,

we are living,
thinking entities.

But people can't talk
to fruits.

Your name Betsy?

How did you know?

BANANA: Your bald buddy
mentioned it about ten times.

What do you think,
we can't hear?

l can't believe this.

You're not real.

Are you going to let us live,

or are you gonna nibble
and gnaw at us

till we turn spotty brown
and die of exposure?

Well, uh... is that painful?

Painful?!

Let me peel your skin
off, lady, huh?

Humiliating, too.

Left alone with no friends,
no one to talk to.

You know how awful
that is, Betsy.

Oh, l know how, l...

We girls have to stick together.

[laughing]

l must be dreaming...
[laughing]

lt's been a long day.

[fruit trio
humming ''Brahms' Lullaby'']

[lullaby fading]

ALL:
Good morning, Betsy.

You aren't dreaming, Betsy.

We are very real.

l'm hungry.

[all gasping]

l'll-l'll see what's in
the refrigerator.

[whimpering]

Oh, no, it's all right.

Try to relax.

GRUFF MALE VOlCE:
Yo, looking for trouble, lady?

Uh, no.

That's good, 'cause l could
give you a lot of trouble.

You could?

lndigestion for days.

l've got to eat something.

[gelatin whimpering]

ROAST: Hey, you, can't
a guy have any privacy?

l'm very hungry.

[stomach rumbling]

Wouldn't you like
banana soufflé?

Think about pears--
chocolate-covered pears.

How about some apple strudel?

Banana flambé.

Noodles, a crisp apple flan,
apple tart.

Ginger pears, pickled pears,

spiced, diced pear pie!

[chuckles]

You're very cute.

l couldn't eat any of you.

lt'd be like
cold-blooded m*rder.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Betsy? lt's Elmo.

Elmo?

Listen, Betsy, l thought maybe
we could try

to have dinner together again.

How about your place?

Dinner? Here?

-[whimpering]
-l bet you're a great cook.

My favorite's apple pie.

BETSY:
No, no, l... l can't.

l ca... l can't eat here.

Okay, we'll... we'll go out.

Elmo, you don't have
to just for old-times sake.



[click, dial tone]

[stomach gurgling]

[all whimpering]

You ever think about
getting old, Betsy?

Sometimes.

Your flesh gets soft, age spots,
you get wrinkled,

you start to smell.

l don't think
l want to think about it.

lt's not a pretty thought.

Maybe old age isn't all
it's cracked up to be.

Maybe it's better to be
demolished and digested

while l'm still young and sweet
and succulent and... gorgeous.

You do look young
and sweet and succulent

and tasty, juicy, edible...

Lady, control yourself, here!

Oh, my God.

What was l doing?

Oh, l'm sorry.

l'm sorry, pear.

l don't want to hurt you.

l'm just light-headed, and
l don't know what l'm doing.

And my stomach is screaming
for food.

[knocking]

Betsy, it's Elmo.

[gasps]
Don't let him in, Betsy.

You never know what he might do.

The stupid jerk might
try and eat us.

ELMO:
Are you ready, Betsy?

l'm so hungry l could
eat a horse.

Pretend you're not here.

[knocking]

Betsy, are you in there?

[footsteps departing]

APPLE:
Commendable, Betsy.

Thank you.

l could almost feel
his teeth on my core.

[phone ringing]

[gasps]
lt's him, l know it.

He's calling from the corner.

Don't answer, Betsy, please.

[clatters]

[laughing]

Hello, snookums.

Mama's gonna feed you now.

Doesn't that taste good?

Mama wants to eat,
too, but Mama can't.

[sobbing]:
l'm so hungry.

We're your friends.

Talk to us, Betsy.

That's what we're here for.

That's not what you're here for.

You're food.

You're here to be eaten,

so that l can live,
so that l can feel good.

You're here for me to eat.

She's losing it.
lt's nutso time.

Oh, for years,

l tried everything
l could think of to lose weight.

l have tried
every trick in the book.

None of them worked.

That's what you are.

You're a gimmick.

You're a trick,
so that l won't eat.

Just a pair of trick glasses
and a trick hearing aid.

lt won't come off.

Oh, my God.

This is our Waterloo.

l can't help it.

Don't, Betsy!

[whimpering]

[screaming]

l need food.

Oh, lady, don't eat me!

Think about what you're doing!

No! Stop!
Don't eat me, please!

No!

[screaming]

You're k*lling him!

m*rder!

l'm sorry.

-BANANA: Aah! Don't!
-l'm sorry.

[screaming]

Oh, my God.

l almost k*lled...

Forgive me.

Please say you'll forgive me.

lt'll never happen again.

l promise you,
it'll never happen again.

ELMO: l-l'm sorry to put you
through all this trouble,

but it's been two whole months

and l was starting
to get worried about her.

Well, l was coming by to collect
the rent, anyway.

She's two months behind.

Anybody home?

[insects buzzing]

[coughing, gagging]

What's that smell?

Oh, oh, what the hell is...?

Betsy?!

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.