01x02 - Episode Deux

[bunniefuu]

[Gad] What do you think it means?

[Brian] Well, I think it means,
"My name is Marco."

I'm pretty sure. But you know I have a
translator app that I can look that up on.

I mean, what do you think it means like...

Okay, you talking macro?

Marco.

Well, what do we know?

It's based on the life story
of Marco Perretti.

He was the supermodel from the 90s.

He was the first to take
on the whole pay disparity issue.

What is this?

Oh, you know that male models make a
fraction of what the women make, right?

No, how do I know that?

Oh. Yeah, it's a big deal over here.

Obviously.

Fox doesn't make shows about things
that aren't...

episode two

[Luke] Dude.

J, stop.

This thing's so cool.

[motor boating]

- Stop.
- It's like a motorboat.

Stop.

Hey.

- It's going to be okay.
- You don't know that. What if it isn't?

We'll take it on together, then.

Look, we have six f*cking weeks, J.

This could set us back.

If we have to push the surgery,
we can just kiss New York goodbye.

- We don't know that.
- Yeah, we do.

They said I need the pecs, Jason,
or I can't walk.

It's that simple.

You got your half, right?

Yeah, I got it.

Good cause we have to give them
the deposit today.

[nervous laugh]
I got it.

Hi.

All right, let's see what we got here.

How high can you raise your arms for me?

That's high enough for me.

Let's see what we got.

Ooh.

That is a lot of swelling.

It's nice down here, but...

up here is swollen.

What is the date for the surgery?

Fourteenth at 8 a.m.

And when's fashion week?

Two weeks after that, so pretty quick.

Yeah, it's gonna be tight.

We're gonna need to push?
Is that what we got to do?

Yeah, I think so,
because what's happening is...

Because of your swelling,
the implants won't have time to settle in

underneath the muscle.

I f*cking knew it, Jason.

No, I f*cking knew it! I knew it!

- I f*cking knew it!
- Okay.

Luke!

- It f*cking sucks!
- Luke!

- [door slams]
- I'm really sorry about that.

- We had, you know...
- Look,

we can keep the surgery on the books in
case the swelling miraculously goes down,

but I will need a deposit.

Okay, here's the old Cap One.

Yeah, just run that bad boy
and we get out of here.

It'd be great.

Great. You guys have a lot of...

paperclips and stuff.

Oh, man.

[grunting]

You box at all?

- Nope.
- No?

- Never.
- It's declined.

Really?

That doesn't sound right cause...

Do you have another card?

Yeah. I have another card.

[humming a tune]

You know what? I actually...

Sorry. I actually don't have one on me.
But could you just bill me?

No. I'm sorry. We need a card.

The best I can do is hold it
until tomorrow.

Come on, that's the best you can do?

Come on, you can't just hold it
a little bit longer?

- No.
- J, you paid? What's taking so long?

Yeah. I'm taking care of it.

We got a little hiccup
with the machine, here.

I will meet you in the car, bro.

- [both women] It's not the machine.
- J, I don't have the keys.

You know what? Go to the elevator.
I'll meet you at the elevator, man.

- The elevator's not working.
- Take the stairs, man!

Take the stairs! Just get down there.

Go to the front, please.

Sir, can you...

J, I can't find the stairs.

Figure it out, man! Figure it out, Luke.

You got a brain in your head?
Figure it out.

Go down the hallway and figure it out.

- Should I call the police?
- I'm sorry.

Do you wanna try to call your bank?

Here you go. It's ringing.

[Echoing] Definitely not holding
the appointment without payment.

Do you have any form of payment?

We will have to call off the surgery.

Someone is going to have to pay.

Sir?

[Brian] Thank God for Fox, right?
They're the real heroes, here.

Equal pay for equal work,
regardless of gender

or race. You know,
I'd throw race in there as well.

Isn't that obvious?

Is it? I wasn't sure how you guys felt
about that stuff.

About what? Racism?

We don't like it. No.

Great. Good to know.

Who's this?

That's Heather Mangold.
Her dad owns the building.

She's big into personal space.

Okay, you know what? I'm going to go over.

You come up and you ask me for a picture.

And you ask me
if you can put it on Instagram, okay?

- Oh, I don't know if...
- Just, just do it.

Hello.

Bonjour.

Bonjour. C'est Gad.

What?

Do I know you?

Um...

Maybe.

Are you the new maintenance guy?

No, I'm a comedian,

very famous in France.

- Okay, cool...
- And...

Hey, you don't have to be disappointed.

What, it's still because of France?

There's a lot of people in France.

Hey. You know, I don't think
she heard that last part.

She was already
on the other side of the pool.

Thank you, Brian. I saw that. I'm here.

Hmm.

Still want me to ask for the pic?

So, do you think she was playing a game,
like saying

no, but she means...

No, I don't. No. It's just not a game
anyone's playing anymore.

Not in this town.

So, what if I send her
a nice bottle of wine with a note?

I would advise against that, strongly.

That could be perceived as stalking.

Maybe even harassment,
depending on the judge.

- Yeah.
- Really?

[Viv] This is where you're staying?

[Gad] Oh hey, you're here.

So, you rented an apartment
at the Tropicanyon?

Yes, I told you I'm a...

I'm a different guy now, you know?

I changed. I don't need the fancy,
the whole...

- I'm much simpler now.
- Uh huh.

- Yes.
- And who's that?

Hi there. Brian. Gad's assistant.

You need to go.

You showed up and it's like a b*mb
went off. Luke is hurt.

He's flipping out
that he's gonna lose out on New York.

- And I have to deal with all of it.
- Okay, so let me help you deal with this.

- Great. You want to help?
- Yeah.

Go back to Paris.
You're a king there, Gad.

Why do you even want to be here, anyway?

Because I want to be with my son.

You know, it's never too late.
You know that saying?

Too little too late. Do you know that one?

It's legit.

Just please spare him the disappointment.

Sign it and go back to your life.

[gate rattles]

- It does stick a little. It just...
- Yeah. I can see that. Here we go.

Okay.

Boom!

f*cking door. Stupid.

Wow.

That really hurt her exit.

Would have been much stronger,

"Go back to your life,"

gate slam, out.

I need to talk to Luca
without Jason around.

- Hey James.
- Luke, hi! Oh my God. Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Are you in pain?

- I'll be fine.
- How was Dr. Barb?

Not so great. She said we're probably
going to have to push back the surgery.

- No!
- Rawr!

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hey.

[laughing]
Oh!

Dude. I didn't see you there. I'm sorry.

- Were you there the whole time?
- Yeah.

- The whole time.
- My bad, bro.

No, it's all good.

- What's up, man! What's up.
- Be careful, Zene. His pecs, remember?

Dude! I'm so f*cking sorry!

Does that f*ck up New York?

We're not sure yet.

- Oh, man. We were gonna do that together.
- I know.

Well, maybe your dad could do something?
Could he call someone?

Yeah. I mean, it'd be worth a shot.

Yeah, try to get you in
with a natural chest.

- You would do that?
- Yeah.

I can't say it's likely.

You know, they are pretty firm
on that kind of stuff.

But I mean,
my dad is Randy Hotchkiss, so...

- Yeah.
- ...it doesn't hurt to drop that around.

Randy is the best, you'll love him.

Yeah. But before we get too down
on ourselves, dude, I mean,

let's not forget Sunglass Hut, dude!
It's a k*ller booking.

That's exactly the kind of thing
you should be doing right now.

- It is?
- f*ck yeah, it is, dude.

Is it YSL? No. Gaultier? Of course not.

But I mean,
the Hut's a solid portfolio builder.

- I'm really proud of you, Luke.
- Thanks, I mean I...

God damn. You are so f*cking supportive.

How hot is that?

Yeah, it's...

It's...

Yeah, it's so hot.

Wow. Beautiful campus.

Wish I had an opportunity like this.

My parents didn't care
if I went to school or not.

Oh really?

Yeah, they were never around.

I bounced from foster home to foster home.

That's a sad story, Brian.

Yeah.

I was living
on the street for a while, too.

There's more story? The car is already...

Yep. Okay.

Name?

Hey, bonjour. I'm here to see my son.
C'est Gad.

Say what?

He's the Ray Romano of France.

- Very famous in France.
- He doesn't look famous.

Sir, how does someone look famous?

You don't look famous.
Either you are or you're not.

It's just that feeling you get.

You're just not giving it to me. Sorry.

You're not giving him the famous vibe.

I don't have the famous vibe?

When Colin Farrell came
to pick up his kid,

I had no idea who he was...

But he... He just looks famous.

- Exactly.
- He had the famous vibe?

Mhm.

You know, Gad's son goes here.

His name is Luke.

Oh, Luke Alan Ross.

I know you're not aware of this, sir.

But that was a low blow.

Sorry, man. Go on through.

[Gad] Luke Alan Ross.

[Brian] I kinda like it.
It's got a nice ring to it.

When I grade these papers,
that's my free time.

So, when you hand in this sh*t,
it's like saying,

Fernanda,
I don't give a f*ck about your free time.

Oh my God.

[knocking]

Hello. Bonjour, c'est Gad.

- Hello.
- [Fernanda] Hi, can I help you?

- I am Luca's father.
- Who the f*ck is Luca?

That's your dad?

[Fernanda] Denny. Language.

Sorry. Luke.

Is it okay I talk to him?

Is it okay if you talk...

No! It isn't.

[classmates oohing and laughing]

Luca, I'm sorry I hurt your pec.

It was accident.

It was an accident.

- "An accident"?
- "An accident."

It was an accident.

And I should have never went to the gym.

I didn't clip the thing because I don't
know how this works.

We don't work out in France.

You guys work out a lot. I don't know why.

Because you eat a lot of stuff

and then you need to work out.

Then you eat again at night,
you work out at day.

You eat, work out, eat, work out...

I can't believe you're f*cking doing this.

Luke. Language.

He's not even supposed to be here,
Fernanda. f*ck!

- Actually, we do have a pass.
- f*ck your pass.

- Who the f*ck is that guy?
- Denny. Language.

Luca!

That was a weird room.

Luca. Hey.

Luca!

Is everything a joke to you?

Maybe that comedy sh*t works in France,
but it doesn't work here.

I'm sorry. lt's a bad habit.

Are you trying to ruin my life?

- No.
- You already set back my surgery.

Now you show up in my class
and humiliate me like that?

Actually, I wanted to talk
about the surgery.

- What's to talk about? It's f*cked now.
- Maybe that's okay.

Maybe you don't need it.

Maybe I don't need you.

Come on. Luca, I know you're angry.

Okay, I get it.

I've made some mistake.
Okay. But come on. Please.

Can we spend a couple hours,
you and me?

It's not happening.

Just one hour?

We can go and have a meal
or do something quick, if you want.

Even we can do
like you guys do in America.

We hold a coffee and we
walk with it.

I would do that with you.

Feels like a good compromise.

One meal,

if you get the f*ck out of here.

Okay.

Here we are. Couple of famous chili dogs.

Some napkins. We'll need those.

Oh yeah.

- I don't know how you guys can eat this.
- You just got to dig in.

I'm not hungry, I'm...

You're upset, aren't you?

That was tough back there.

First, we learned he took Jason's name,
middle and last.

No, just last.

Oh, so it's Alan Ross.

I always thought it was Alan... Ross.

Either way, still stings.

And then, he yells at you
in front of the whole class,

rips into you even more...

Brian. I know what happened.

I was there.

So, I don't need you to talk me through it
and explain again the whole story.

I'm just recapping.

- You know, Spade always liked to recap.
- Okay.

- You're not into recaps?
- I guess not.

Okay. From now on, we'll just...
we'll just let things happen.

And we won't talk about them afterward.

Brian. We have to come up with plans
for my night with Luca.

Okay, well, what's he into?

Okay, we could pull up his Instagram.

You know, maybe it can tell us something.

- I like this.
- Okay.

- There's a lot on this.
- Yeah. So...

He likes modeling.

- Yeah.
- Tank tops.

- Tight bathing suits.
- Really?

Yeah. A lot of those.

- Tyson Beckford.
- Who?

Tyson Beckford?

He's like one of the top supermodels
in the world.

Luke is obviously a fan, you know,
he's got several posts

dedicated to him, tagging him.

Hey, that's it! Voilà!

We invite Tyson Bexford to dinner.

We bring Luca. Surprise.

No, I don't...

Call him. Gad is in town.
Invite to dinner.

You have him meet us somewhere fun.

That's it.

Yeah, but he's Tyson Beckford.

He could be anywhere in the world.

Hi, guys.

So, it's the Scorpio new moon

and I decided to start my day with my own
renewing cucumber mint-infused water.

Link in my bio.

- Because EXhale is all about releasing...
- Babe?

- Oh my God.
- Sorry to interrupt.

Can I steal you for a sec?

- Jason.
- Sorry.

I am in the middle of an Instagram story.

I know. I'm sorry.

Are you saying sorry to just me,
or also to Le'von?

Um...

Both?

- Sorry, Le'von.
- It's okay.

- Yeah. It was our best take, but...
- f*ck.

I'm sorry. It's really important.

More important than this?

Well...

Think about what you're saying,
before you say it.

Hi. Yeah, I understand you represent
Tyson Beckford?

Nope. It's actually "Gad."

G-A-D

He's a comedian.

What kind of stuff have you done, again?

I mean, is it only in France?

They're asking.

Yeah, I think it's only in France.

Would you give him a message?

Yeah, Gad would love for him
to come to dinner tonight.

And you don't even want to ask
Mr. Beckford?

He's busy all day in underwear signing.
Got it.

Well, if his schedule...

[call ends]

Yeah. They hung up.

I guess the name didn't give us
the pull we thought it would.

Brian,

this is harder than I thought.

Not being famous?

Yeah.

It's a shame, too, cause, you know,
in this town,

it's everything. It's like a currency.

So, wait.

He signs underwears?

For his new line. Yeah.

But if I had to bet,
he probably just signs the box.

Not the actual underwear.

What would you have to bet?

I wouldn't. I mean, it's just...

a figure of speech.

- Are you thinking of crashing this thing?
- What?

- I like it.
- What?

Yeah? No? Okay, hold on.

Bingo.

Who is TJ Maxx?

And what's it for?

I can't say. You just have to trust me.

Look, I'll pay you right back.
It's bridge money. I have...

I have residuals coming in from Fringe.

It's for the implants, isn't it?

They need the deposit by tomorrow.

Jason, I told you
I feel very strongly about this.

He cannot just be handed implants.

He needs to learn responsibility.

I agree.

- Okay.
- He has his half of the money.

- This would be for my... my half.
- Wait, he has his and you don't?

Come on, Jason. He is 15.

What's that supposed to mean?

I gave up my career, so I could watch him
while you built EXhale.

- You remember that.
- And that's exactly why

I give you the allowance.

It's not my fault
that you've burned through it so quickly.

Maybe it's not enough, babe.
You ever think about that?

I mean I've got the gym,

I've got my truck, my cell phone plan,
which I've already downgraded.

I mean, excuse me for not having
extra cash laying around for implants!

- What?
- I'm going to go back to work now.

I'm going to let you figure this out.

Okay. But don't take all day with it.

We need to have sex later.

Really? It's one of our days?

Yeah. I told you
the next three days we're on.

Wait, you haven't been jerking off,
have you?

What? No.

Okay, good.

Because we need what?

Yeah.

- You gotta say it.
- [mumbling]

- Every last drop.
- Every last drop.

Okay.

Yeah.

This is going to be great.

A lot of the guys who come in here
don't look like you,

if you know what I mean.

Thanks.

All right,
when's the last time you nutted?

Uh... this morning.

And how big of a load was it?

Normal size, I guess.

Sweet.

Were you alone?

Was it sex?
Are you in a relationship or...

Yeah. Why, is this on the...

Everything I'm asking is. Yeah.

We like to know, cause

during this process we ask that
you refrain from busting extraneous nuts.

- Right.
- Is that gonna be okay with your partner?

- Yeah. That shouldn't be a problem.
- Great.

[typing and computer beeping]

Um...

How much, you think, I can get?

With your height and your skin tone,
and...

just the whole thing
you're working with

I think we can get you top dollar,
probably like 250 a nut.

- 250?
- Might even be able to get you 275.

Wow. That's incredible news.

Okay.

Great. Yeah.

I'd love to get started.
Maybe give you a bunch right now?

I wish.
It actually doesn't work like that.

We need to parse them out.
Potency purposes.

Really?

That's...

That's not going to work for me.

Is there any way you can
give me an advance?

Maybe I sign a contract
guaranteeing you 20, get paid now for 10.

Hmm.

That's not something we normally do.

All right, listen man.

I'm really in between it right now.

- I'm going to be honest.
- All right.

My girlfriend's kid needs a pec implant.

Okay.

Otherwise, he's not going to walk
in Fashion Week in New York. Okay?

Is there any way?

Any way

you would consider

making an exception just this once?

All right, here's what I can do.

I'll advance you a 10.
You pop off two now. Open door policy.

Give me the other eight
over the next few weeks.

Thank you dude. Done!

Whew! Thank you.

What's the open door policy?

Just the door to the room stays open
during the collection process

and anyone who works here
can pop in, hangout, whatever.

Are there a lot of people that work here?

No. Just me.

All right, we just got to figure out
where he's at. Should be a pretty big...

You were right. He's signing the boxes

Yeah. Saw that coming.
We do a bunch of these.

Bunch of underwears?

Nine times out of ten,
they're signing the box.

It's like...

There he is. In the men's department.

- We should wait in line, come on.
- Brian.

- Yeah?
- You don't understand.

Gad doesn't wait in lines.

He's a really famous supermodel.

- Yeah, I know from experience, he's...
- It's okay. Let me do it.

Hey, Tyson.

- Hello. Tyson.
- Hey, sir.

- There's a line.
- He doesn't wait in lines.

- Tyson?
- Who is this guy?

C'est Gad. From France.

Come on, line's back here, dude.

The Ray Romano of France.

The who?

Ray Romano,
the star of Everybody Loving Raymond.

They call you that?

Why?

It's a long story. I...

I used to be the Jerry Seinfeld of France,
and I had to change it.

Sorry, man. I've never heard of you.

Give me one second.
I'll show you a video and you'll see...

Whoa! He doesn't have a second.

He doesn't watch people's videos, okay?

Whoa whoa! Guys.

Let him speak.

Thank you.

My son is a model and he looks up to you.

Like he's very impressed
and you inspire him a lot.

And I would like to invite you
to dinner with him

and me and you talk to him.

You meet him,
just take him through the ropes...

Why would I do that?

- As a favor to Gad.
- And that's you?

You're calling yourself Gad?

Yeah.

I can't go to dinner with everybody
and their f*cking son.

It's a business, bro.

I got appearance fees.

How much?



Okay.

Okay?

Brian, you organize with Mr. Tyson.



[grunting]

- [dumbbells thud]
- Damn it!

You slam the weights again?

We were rolling in the other room.

[Le'von] Tell him it was our best take!

[sighs] Oh...

[Luke huffs]

You know, I always knew that when your
father showed up you would be angry.

But...

maybe f*ck it, use it as fuel?

Yeah.

Yeah, f*ck it, use it as fuel.

Should I post that?

"f*ck it, use it as fuel"?

Or is it a cookbook?

[cell phone rings]

You go back to Doctor Barb
and give them another card?

No, I didn't want to put it on my debit,
but...

I got an extension. Told them I'm gonna
get them a cashier's check tomorrow.

You sure?

Yeah. What'd you think?
Big J was gonna let you down?

He got it? He did something weird.

Mom thinks you did something weird.

- Just tell her I didn't do anything weird.
- Well, then how did he get it?

It doesn't matter. Okay?
Just listen to me.

I'm going to pick you up.

We're going to stop at Stan's.
Get some vitamin E oil.

Then we're going to hit the gym.

I'm going to rub you down, ice and heat.

We're going to attack that swelling,
head on.

- Hey, you have dinner...
- Shh!

Listen, man,

I regretted not getting implants

every day for the last 20 years.

I am not going to let you
make the same mistake.

You are getting that surgery
and then we are going to New York.

And you are going to show the world
that perfect f*cking chest of yours, okay?

Okay, dog?

I'll be ready in five.

Luke, what about your dad?

I just got off the phone with him.

He should be here any minute.

Don't matter to me.

I'm here for another 56 minutes,
either way.

You already started the clock?

The moment the valet took my keys, my man.

That's the agreement.

That's a good system, I like it.

Being famous, got to keep your sh*t tight.

I can only imagine.

Yo! It's Luke Alan Ross.

At the gym with my boy, Big J.

Yeah. Work the pecs in.
Ready for New York, baby.

New York City.

- [Luke] Fashion Week.
- [Jason] Look at that pec, huh?

- [Luke] Big Apple, we're comin' for you!
- [Jason] Look at that pec.

You still want to finish out the hour?

If we finish now,
can I get some of the fee back?

Isn't this pathetic enough?

[somber music playing]

[audience clapping]

[Chris D'Elia]
Look, what I'm trying to say is

different dicks look different depending
on what area you're from in the world.

Right? Like me. I'm from LA.

So, I have an LA d*ck.
It's very tan. It eats a lot of quinoa.

You know. Where are you from? New York?

You got a New York d*ck, right.
It's grimy, smells like piss a lot.

[audience laughs]

I feel like you know that
about yourself too, sir.

- How about you? Where are you from?
- Winnipeg.

Okay, that's in Canada.

So, Canada.

So, your d*ck, very polite.

It probably says sorry a lot, right?

How about you? My man, where are you from?

Me?

Yeah, where are you from?

Uh...

I'm from France.

Okay. Well, you know what they say

French dicks look like?

You!

[audience roars with laughter]