01x08 - Episode Huit

[bunniefuu]

[Latin theme plays]

[in Marco accent] We wear bathing suits...

in weather just as cold.

Hold poses for just as long...

under lights just as hot.

Pero...

somehow...

we are worth less,

valued less.

¿Por qué?

Guys!

What the f*ck is this?

[Jason] You tell me why this is?

Um...

That is actually the wrong...

Who...

am I watching?

Is wrong...

Alan Ross. His name is Alan Ross

Get Mr. Ross in here.

Actually, sorry...

Alan Ross is his last name.

Jason Alan Ross.

Are you saying Alanross...

or Alan... Ross?

I'll find out.

[Jason] Dios accepted Marco.

You're listening to yourself, Bastian?

Do you hear yourself?

episode eight

[Viv] You're sure that you don't want
him here?

I mean, it's not too late.

He made fun of modeling on live TV, Mom.

Yeah, but in France. Nobody sees that.

Plus, he was joking. He didn't mean it.

Yeah, well, it felt like it came
from a real place.

[hostess] Who are you?

- Hi.
- Oh, I'm Luke Alan Ross.

Alan Ross.

Who's your father?

- Gad. But he...
- Oh, Gad! He's so funny!

Yeah, so funny, but he...

He isn't gonna be able to make it tonight.

What did you say?

Yeah. There's been an emergency.

So, maybe you could pair him
with someone else?

Paired with someone else?
This is a father-son show.

I'm going to have to text
Jean Paul immediately.

[Viv] Do we really have to text him,
or couldn't we just...

[Gad] Or we do not text anyone.

And I... I walk with him.

What are you doing here?

It's a father-son show, no?

No.

You're a joker.
It's all about the laugh for you.

Yeah, but I said I'm sorry
for the talk show.

Listen, I was a comedian for a long time.

This cannot go away overnight.

- I basically relapsed.
- [crowd chuckles]

No, this is not a joke.

I'm working on it.
It takes time. Okay?

And I'm getting there, I think.
And...

I'm proud of you.

[crowd aahs]

Proud of my modeling?

Oui.

Yeah. I'm... Yeah, proud of the...

of the modeling, yeah. Yeah.

And you're gonna take this seriously?

No funny faces, no hip thrusts?

Absolutely not.

No weird walks or winks?

No.

Luke, you have my word.

Okay.

Call Jean Paul,

and tell him I'll be walking...

with my father.

[hostess] Good,
but I don't have to call him.

I never texted him in the first place.

- So I'm just going to leave it like it is.
- Oh, yeah. Makes sense. Yeah.

Sure.

This is for me?

Yeah, I'm in the shorts.

- You're sure you can do this?
- Yeah, of course he can!

- Yeah.
- It's 20 seconds, right?

One way.

Twenty out. Five second hold.

- Twenty back.
- Five seconds. Five-second hold?

- At the end of the runway?
- Yeah. He's fine. You're fine, right?

Yeah, of course. Five... Yeah.

Easy.

Yeah.

It's not that bad.

Yeah, but it's like a dress.

But that's what these things are.

[in French]
I forgot to give you your hat.

Oh! Thanks. Thanks a lot.

[in English]
And there's a hat now?

How can I not go for these laughs?
They're so easy!

Yes, but some things
are more important than laughs.

Hey, Gad!

[in French]
Is this what you're wearing?

[laughs]

This is going to k*ll!

No.

Don't laugh.

Don't laugh, this is serious.

It's not meant to be funny.

Come on, you have to do
something with this.

A little wiggle with the hips?

A crazy little face?

[in English]
No. None of that!

- Right? You're not...
- No, this is not... No. It's serious.

[in French]
It has to be serious.

I can't do that. I can't.

Baba. Don't f*ck this up for us.

Do you want to tell the joke?

Or do you want to be the joke?

If you blow this, it could ruin you.

[in English]
Think about it.

[hostess] Fathers up,
60 seconds out.

[sirens in the distance]

[French reporter] Now,
let's move on to fashion...

So tonight, we see him walk
with his son.

It's Gad Elmaleh with his son,
Luke Alan Ross...

[catwalk music building]

[cameras snap]

[music changes tempo]

Oh my God. This is it. This is it.

[cameras click]

That's my son.

He stuck it!

Gad better not mess this up.

This is the best setup of his career.

Do you think he's going to pass this up?
No way!

[music slows down]

- [music fades out]
- [cameras clicking]

[heartbeat thumping]

[in slow motion]
Come on, Baba!

[audio building back to real speed]

Putain!

Adrien!

- You did it.
- I did it.

[Adrien, in French]
The press is going mad, Gad.

They're sh1tting all over you.

Listen.

"A MASTERFUL FAILURE!"

"GAD NO LONGER FUNNY!"

- It says that?
- Uh huh.

I remember a Gad
who would have k*lled in that moment.

Would have brought the house down.

But I guess you don't care.

You're not a comedian anymore.

You're a family man now.

Wow! Way to go!

And that's all that matters to you.

That's right. Yes.

Well, we had a good run, huh?

Take care of yourself, Babito.

- This your family?
- Yes.

And you're a... comedian?

I was.

It didn't work out?

No.

It didn't.

GAD'S BIG BLUNDER;
SHOULD HE HANG IT UP?

So, I have something that I should...

probably tell you.

Oh my God, this is hard.

I lost the baby this morning.

- You were pregnant?
- I might have been.

But I thought it was just a few days...

Gad, please don't mansplain to me
about my own body.

A woman knows when she's with child,

and when she's just saying it
to get attention.

- What?
- I'm so sorry, mom.

Thank you, honey. Thank you.

How are you?
Do you think James saw the show?

Oh, yeah. She saw it online.

You think a lot of people
saw the show here?

Yeah, it was trending for like four hours.

[Viv] Is there a way to make sure
she sees it? Maybe like text her a link?

And then say...

You open it and you pull out the rack.

- Come on. I know how it works, okay?
- Okay, good.

- Well, but it's been a while, right?
- Okay.

Wine glasses always on the top.

Okay.

Oh, and on Friday, we're gonna go
to brunch with the Landoffs.

- The who?
- Mark and Beth.

You're gonna love Mark.
He lived in Spain or Germany or something.

- Whichever is okay.
- Well, whatever.

Oh, and will you take out the trash?

[upbeat music playing]

[door bell rings]

You came back.

I was just thinking I could use
a 60-minute breathe and release.

It looks like you could use 90.

Thank you.

I'll only charge you for 60.

I still don't know why I attract
these kinds of men.

It's okay. We all do.

[Madison] Speaking of.

Hey, hello, Madison.

Gad, just... Not really right now.

She and Brian just broke up.

Oh!

What happened?

He was stealing.
Maxed out her credit cards.

Come on, really?

- Brian?
- Yeah.

- And where is he?
- I don't know.

- Yeah.
- Why does it matter?

I'm the victim.

- But...
- We're all victims, right?

I just had a miscarriage, so I was like
what are you gonna do?

- I don't think you had...
- Gad, we actually need some privacy.

Could you please bring
the trash bins back in?

Is this gonna be my job all the time?

I don't know what to say.

I mean they need to come in
or the Suttlesons will freak.

- The what?
- Our neighbors?

- He always asks this many questions?
- It's a lot of questions.

Don't want the Suttlesons
up your a*s, huh?

Jason?

I understand congratulations
are in order.

Heard you got a little one on the way.

What?

Where did you hear that?

I was there, Gad.

I was in Paris.

You were? Where?

You remember the champagne cart?

Yeah, of course.

I was under it.

Oh?

I heard everything.

Felt everything.

You were under the...

Hidden under the tablecloth, yeah.

- Jason.
- There was a...

a moment...

there before you ejaculated,

when her hand

was gripping the underside of the...

the table so hard.

She never gripped the table like that
with me.

I think she was trying to balance,

cause the... I think the table
was a little bit...

I got nothing, Gad.
Do you understand that?

Nothing!

You have a lot.

Jason, you have a lot.

Like what?

Look! You're handsome, you...

The body is great. The workout.

And you're very talented actor.

Yeah. Not talented enough.

I was up at the plate, Gad.

And time...

slowed down as the perfect pitch
came right down the middle.

And I struck the f*ck out.

I know the feeling.

I'll never forgive myself.

Okay, Jason.

Let me take you home.

I don't have a home anymore, Gad.

You stole it from me.

Well, it was mine to begin with,
but, okay.

Let's get you a place to stay.

Would you help me, please,
just take those there?

The trash.

I just... I should never have left EXhale.

The minute I did,

everything went to sh*t.

Yeah.

Any chance you'll have me back?

I totally would...

But I have kind of moved on from EXhale.

Yeah, I'm thinking about
starting a charity.

Maybe a pajama line. I'm not sure.

f*ck. I mean, I'm not Marco?

Man, are you kidding?

How's that even possible?

It's hard to believe, I know.

I mean I was a model in the 90s.

I lived in South Beach in the 90s.

I was g*y in the 90s.

Okay, Jason.

I need to tell you something.

You didn't struck out.

What?

Because...

you were never in the game.

It wasn't real.

What are you talking about?
I auditioned on the Fox lot.

- There were posters for the shows there.
- I know.

I paid for the posters. Got a great deal.

Brian organized the whole thing.

It was all fake.

We did that just so I can get closer
to Luca.

That's the...

So, the...

The SVP of casting...

He never saw my audition?

I'm sorry.

But, if you think about it.

Doesn't it feel better now that you know
that it's not your fault?

No?

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Gad...

Yeah, you're right.

- I feel so much...
- Yeah.

Better.

Good.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

Okay.

[door opens, shuts]

Hey! Where'd you go?

I've been all alone and emotional.

- I saw Jason.
- What?

Where?

- By the trash.
- He's living by the trash cans?

No, at least not anymore.
I took him to a pretty nice hotel.

Oh my God, it's like I don't even know
this person.

I was with him for almost a decade.

What does that say about me?

This is where you sit down

and you comfort me and you take my hand
and you tell me

- everything's going to be okay.
- Okay.

Yeah.

I think...

it's going to be fine.

Could you just say it like I said it?

Oh, um...

It's going to be okay?

Maybe firmer?

Like you know it will be,
and not like you're wondering

if it will be.

It's gonna be okay.

- You really think so?
- Yeah.

I really do. Absolutely. Yeah.

How do you know?

You know...

Because we're in it...

- Together?
- And together we can do...

- Always?
- Anything.

- Anything.
- There you go.

- See, this is nice, you know?
- Yeah.

I mean, obviously we have
a lot of work to do, but...

- Work on?
- On this. On us, you know?

- Yeah.
- It takes work.

- It takes like a lot of hard work.
- Yeah.

- But it's worth it, right?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh...

I think you should go talk to Luke.

He is dealing with a lot
of teenage stuff right now.

And he needs to just
vomit it out on someone

or else we'll never get to sleep.

[muted dialog from Luke]

You know, maybe we'll sleep on it...

- and we'll see what feels right.
- Sleep?

What? I'm nowhere close to sleep.

We have so much more to talk out.

She brought up New York...

[Luke's voice trails off]

[tires screech]

[Gad] Hey.

- Hello.
- Jesus!

- What the f*ck are you doing here?
- I'm just looking for Brian.

I don't want to harass you
or stalking you...

Why? What do you want with him?

He's my assistant.

Why would you need an assistant?

[music and applause]

[music continues from phone]

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Why didn't you just show me that
to begin with?

Well, I tried and you wouldn't believe me.

Oh, so now it's my fault?

Yes, it's your fault.
You called the police and...

I didn't believe you were famous.
It was coming off creepy.

And now?

I get it.

Come on. I think I have
a forwarding address.

Yeah.

["Far Behind" playing]

♪ Now maybe ♪

♪ I didn't mean to treat you bad ♪

♪ But I did it anyway ♪

♪ And now maybe ♪

♪ Some would say your life was sad ♪

♪ But you lived it anyway ♪

♪ And so maybe ♪

♪ Your friends they stand around
they watch you crumble ♪

♪ As you fall down to the ground ♪

♪ And then someday ♪

♪ Your friends they stand beside
as you were flying ♪

♪ Oh you were flying oh so high ♪

♪ And that cold day
when you lost control ♪

♪ Shame you left my life ♪

♪ So soon you should have told me ♪

♪ Hey but you left me far behind... ♪

[blender whirring]

♪ I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad ♪

♪ But I did it anyway ♪

♪ Now maybe ♪

♪ Some would say
you're left with what you had ♪

♪ But you couldn't share the pain ♪

- [song rings out]
- [car approaching]

[doorbell rings]

- Gad.
- Yeah.

How did you find me?

Heather.

She finally recognized me.

- Did you show her the clips?
- Yeah.

She didn't care
that they were all in France?

No. She didn't seem to be.

That's great.

- I'm really happy for you.
- Brian,

What is this? Where are we?

This is a halfway house.

What?

A halfway house. They take in...

troubled youths off the street.

[woman] Brian, dad's still waiting
on the tennis court.

Got it! Okay!

Brian. What's going on?

[sighs]
Gad...

Okay.

All right.

Time to come clean.

This isn't a halfway house.

This is the house that I grew up in.

My parents still live here.

That was my mom that was shouting
about tennis.

We have a court in the back.

But I thought he was a pimp and...

he beat her and you said you ran away
when you were little.

Yeah. That's exactly what happened...

to Tyler Perry.

Who?

Do you not know Tyler?

No.

Madea's Family Reunion?

No.

A Madea Christmas?

Boo! A Madea Halloween?

- Brian, I don't know what you're saying.
- Okay.

Like the point is...

I wanted to be a comedian,

you know, more than anything.

But, all the great comedians
come from brutal darkness

and I came from...

this.

So, wait.

You stole this guy's...

Yeah, I needed a...
a back story with teeth.

I figured no one would take me seriously
if they knew how awesome my family was.

You were living a lie.

Yeah.

I was.

Cause this isn't funny.

You know, people don't laugh
at the perfect families.

They laugh at the f*cked up ones.

That's true.

Why didn't you go for the laugh, Gad?

- What?
- In Paris.

The runway?

I don't know.

Sometimes there are more important things
than laughs.

If only you believed that.

Wait, Brian.

[light snoring]

[announcer] All right. Next to the mic,

just getting his start in comedy,

all the way from France,

please put your hands together
for Gad, folks.

[cheers]

Uh...

Thank you. I...

I know I don't look like it maybe, but...

I'm very famous in France.

Where...

I played rooms in Europe.

They are...

maybe... a hundred times bigger
than this room here tonight.

But I gave it all up...

to come here to America...

where I'm treated like sh*t.

I have a son... My son.

He lives here.

He's a model.

Very tough.

Sometimes he calls me, he's like,
"Dad, I had a terrible... half-day."

[crowd laughs]

[phone vibrates]

[Gad] Everyone is like you must be proud
and happy that your son is making it

as a model. And I'm like... I don't know.

It's weird.

Because I'm kind of proud.
But also I'm like, "What is that?"

He works as a model.
I mean work. He...

You know, he walks. That's what he does.

Sometimes fast.

Sometimes slow. Sometimes he stops.
Sometimes he leans.

He makes it look so easy...

- Because it is... actually.
- [audience laughs]

- [phone vibrates]
- [Jason gasps]

I'm back with my ex now.

I forgot how exciting it is, you know?

She does so many different things.

One day, she's a blogger.

And the other day, she's a... life coach.

Another day, she's a jewelry designer.

I can't wait to see what she is
when I get back home tonight.

[audience claps]

Jason Alan Ross.

[Ryan] Mr. Ross...

Ryan Lasky, SVP of casting at Fox.

Hey, Ryan.

I saw your audition for Marco.

And I want to apologize to you, sir,

for making the biggest mistake
in my professional life.

Is this a joke?

I never joke about casting.

Are you available to meet?

When?

How about now?

[Gad] She was dating this guy.

He's an actor, but like a serious actor.
He's a method actor.

You know what a method actor is, right?

A method actor doesn't just read the line
and pretend to be the character.

No, he becomes the character.

He is the character.

[retching]

First, I thought it was stupid.

But then...

I think he's right. You know?

Why should we pretend?

We shouldn't be pretending.

We should be ourselves and be who we are.

And for me...

this starts tonight.

I'm gonna tell you a lot of stuff
right now.

You guys have time?

[voice trailing off]

[Ryan] Hello?

Mr. Ross?

Alan?