03x06 - Mystery Cruise

[bunniefuu]

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with
my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson
in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but
stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco,
Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian
faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen,
I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me
Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind,
staid and refined,
totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains
and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to
decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything
if they ask, see?

♪ Well there's one last
thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

[man] The Mask
is a public menace!

He must be stopped!

City counsel meetings are not
occasions for pie fights!

I will not allow
the green-faced fiend

to turn my city
into a circus!

[elephant trumpets]

Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls.

I welcome you to:
Circus of the Cops.

I'll get you for this.
Soon as I break your spell!

[grunts] You're going to pay,
green head.

[snickers] These showbiz types,
so temperamental.

[tires screeching]

Hold it right there, clown.

You talkin' to me?

You must be talking to me
'cuz I'm the only clown here.

Hey! [grunts]

Oh, weasels. It's funnier
when it goes down the pants.

No!

That man knows comedy.

[grunting]

Doyle!

Somebody, stop me!
[laughing]

After him!

[groans]

[sirens blaring]

Limbo!

We've got it.

[both yelling]

Lieutenant, we missed.

Doyle... I know.

[gasps]
[g*ns c*ck]

- Hit the deck!
- He's gonna fire!

Harry the Human Cannonball,
bids you adieu.

[yelling]

[barking]

Milo, you missed it.

The greatest show on earth!

[yawns]

Thank you, and good night.

Now back to you, Stanley.

Another high-speed chase with
the entire police department?

What have you been up to?

- [camera flash]
- Hey, Peggy!

Ooh, forgot to say "cheese".
But, I got the front page for
the morning edition.

"Identity of the Mask revealed."

[laughing]
[gasps]

You nosy... gimme that...!

Peggy, give me that camera!

Come on, take a joke.

It's not funny!

[banging on door]

Ipkiss!

What's all the noise about?

[growling]

[yelling]
...yourself.

[whimpering]

Don't you knock, Mrs. Peenman?

As a tenant in your building,
I think I have the right
to my... privacy.

- This all you got?
- In luggage, yes.

I'm borrowing it. And curb your
dog, or I'll throw him and you
out on the street!

You're welcome for the suitcase,
Mrs. Peenman!

[sighs]

I need a vacation from the
police, from Mrs. Peenman,

from snoopy reporters
and especially from you.

[snoring]

[man] Special delivery!

Milo. Fetch, boy.

[panting]

Two tickets for a free cruise?

Oh, Milo, this is great!

I never win anything!

It's leaving this morning.

Oh, wait a minute...
Mystery Cruise?

Who is this from?
It has no return address.

Ah, who cares.
I need a vacation, remember?

I mean after last night, this is
just what the doctor ordered.

Two tickets.
Now who should I ask along?

[barks]

Right, right,
I'm just checking, buddy.

And as for you...
hasta la vista.

[growling]

You shush your
little doggy head, Milo.

I'll pack my bag, literally,
call in sick and then, man, we
are off to some fun in the sun!

[growls]

Lieutenant, are you sure
Ipkiss is connected to the Mask,
and stuff?

Doyle, he might
even be the Mask.

And it looks like he's trying
to skip town after last night.

But not while I'm on the job.

Huh, all right, your invitations
are in order, Mr. Ipkiss.

Enjoy your cruise.

- [grunts]
- Hold it.

I'm sorry, this is an
invitation only, private cruise.

How's this for an invitation,
Captain Ahab?

If you don't like it,
we can dance to a
little sea shanty I call,

"Up Against the
Wall and Spread 'Em"

Kellaway, is it?

Ah, let's see...
Yep, you're on the list.

What?

Permission to go aboard,
granted. Enjoy your cruise.

Oh, boy. I wonder if they have
those frosty blue drinks.

Ah, vacation good.

We are finally away
from everyone, Milo.

[growling]

Ipkiss!

[gasps]
Mrs. Peenman!

Stanley! Shouldn't you
be at the bank?

[mumbling indistinct]

- Stanley!
- Ah! Peggy!

What are you doing here?

Got a free ticket.

Told my boss
I was gonna research
a Bermuda Triangle story.

Hey, isn't that Charlie?

- [camera snaps]
- Whoa, it's your landlady.

Would ya...
Wait, just wait a minute!

Did everyone get this same
Mystery Cruise invitation?

I mean don't you guys think it's
a little strange that we're the
only ones on this boat?

Strange are lame.
Where are the babes?

[grunts]

OK, how about the fact
that the only thing
we all have in common is me.

Who's gonna show up next,
Stanley, your dentist?

- [slurping]
- Doyle, do you have
to make that noise?

Come on, we've been made.

[exhales]
This isn't a vacation...
this is a nightmare.

Nightmare... or plot?

Fess up, Ipkiss.
Where's your pal, the Mask?

What are you two planning to do,
cut us into tiny pieces
and throw us to the sharks?

The mask? Oh, come on,
whatever do you mean?

[babbling]
Hey!

Not talkin', huh?

Then for the safety of the other
passengers, I'm locking you up.

Go on, lieutenant.
Why don't you search my
belongings while you're at it.

Good idea. That's why
I brought this warrant.

Go on, go on.
You're wasting your time.

Oh, no!

- [crashing]
- Whoa, Milo!

[all yelling]

[all gasp]

[growling]

I... am Pretorius.

Pretorius.
So he brought us here, huh?

But why?

Doesn't matter. I gotta stop
Pretorius, whatever he's up to.

Milo, the mask. Fetch, boy!

Come on, buddy, let's go.
Come on.

[both grunting]

Come on...

I'm sorry, but this is
an invitation only
private cruise...

[yelling]

Grab on to this doughnut dinghy.

All right, Diver Dan,
you got two seconds
to start answering questions

before I swab the deck
with your tin head.

[screams]

I am about to bring
Edge City to its knees

with a deadly secret weapon.

Prepare deadly,
secret weapon for test run.

Use ship for target practice.

[Stanley] Milo!

- [whimpers]
- [screams]

Now, if you'll excuse me

[groans]

That's it? You invite us
on this Mystery Cruise

just to hold a press conference
and tell us you've got
a secret weapon?

I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I didn't invite you here.

Now if you don't mind,
you are beginning to annoy me.

[grunting]

Come on...

I don't get it, if Pretorius
didn't invite us here, who did?

[thunder]

[Mask] Ladies and gentlemen,

Mystery Cruise '96 proudly
presents the man of the year,

hour, day, moment
and nanosecond:

The Mask.

Thank you so much
for coming here on this
Mystery Cruise today

to join me in celebrating
my very own... birthday!

Wa-hoo!

Birthday?

Yes, I was so worried you
wouldn't get the invitations.

You invited us here?

[both] Surprise!

[Mask] I'm the only
birthday boy here.

Now tell me, how old
do you think I look?

Be brutal.

How fortuitous, Walter.

Those pests have crossed our
path just in time for our
little test run.

Mask, we can't have a party,
it's not news.

Pretorius is down there and he's
up to something big.

Oh, you're right.

The party just wouldn't
be smokin' without old,
detachable cabeza.

However, he remembered my
birthday and I didn't
even invite him.

Don't cut the cake without me.

What's that sound?

Quick, everyone inside.

[all screaming]

What a stupid room,
look the floor's up there.

That's because
we're upside down.

And underwater.

And... in trouble.

Behold, Walter.

Never has sound been so potent.

[Mask] No kiddin',
awesome boombox.

You gonna deejay my party?
Does it have karaoke?

Can we play it, huh?
Can we, can we, can we?

I brought my own CDs.

I hadn't counted on the Mask's
interference at this juncture.

Crush him.

Hey, if you like Pin the Tail
on the Donkey, come on up.

I'm having a party!

Ooh, nice Watusi.

I'd love to dance,
Walter, but first...

...gotta check on the cake.

[gargling]

Ooh, these tropical locals,
dampity damp.

Hello, cake time!

Oh, come on, where is everyone?

Our only chance outta this ship
alive is to climb up to the
bottom before she goes down.

Up to the bottom?

Whoa, that just hurts my brain.

Mask, where are you?

Now, the countdown to my
domination of Edge City begins.

[whirring]
[beeping]

- [poking sound]
- Ow...!

Sorry, Mr. P. Cake wasn't ready
so I had to start the games!

I have no time for games!

I have important things
to attend to.

[robotic voice] More important
than my birthday?!

Indeed.

A sonic weapon currently
trained on a fault line

in the rock foundation beneath
your beloved metropolis,
in effect.

Eventually the onslaught of
forceful sound waves will
rupture the fault line,

and a massive earthquake
will sink the entire city
below sea level.

Unless my demands are met.

You're not here for my
birthday, are you.

[screams]

No, no. No, no.
Too late for real hugs now.

I'm going back to my real
friends and my real party,
so there.

[blows raspberry]

To you and to you.

The Mask must not
interfere again.

Finish him.

[singing tune]

Ahh!

Whoa!

[gargling] Oh, something tells
this is one birthday spanking
that's gonna hurt.

Hey, nice locks, man.

You be the
not-so-little mermaid?

No, mon, the big, ugly mermaid.

[grunts]

Ow!

[whistles]

Farewell, mon. Now, it's time we
be getting to my favorite part
of the birthday.

Pick up the pace, scabs!

[chuckles] Boy, she's tougher
than you, lieutenant.

What?

[coughing] Do you have
to go so fast?

Avast, ye mateys, arr!

I've come for
me hidden treasure.

Me birthday presents, that is.

How about another peg leg
for ruining my vacation?!

Ye thankless land lovers.

Not even a stinkin' card?!

Not very appreciative
of me birthday cruise.

So trouble for you
to attend, are ye?

Come on, come on.
I know you got me something.

Hello! Oh, lieutenant,
you shouldn't have.

Oh, what'd you get him?

[gasps] A Lieutenant
Kellaway Action Kit!

Oh, now I can be just like you!

It comes with regulation cuffs,
regulation badge,
regulation flattop...

...and even an inflatable Doyle!

Whoo, hey!

Wow, it's me.

My badge!

Da-da-da-dun!

You're going down, Jackson.
After those perps.

Doyle!

Give me those!

Party pooper.

Mask, will you stop

with the birthday thing
and stop Pretorius already?

You're letting the story
of the decade swim away!

He's not stoppin' anybody.

He's probably
in cahoots with Pretorius.

Can't you see
we're in trouble here?

You didn't remember
my birthday, did you?

Pretorius,
Walter to be expected.

I mean, come on, bad guys
only think of themselves.

But you guys forgetting...

Pretorius! Then you found out
what he's up to!

OK, now speak slowly.

Oh, something about an
earthquake sinking the city
below the ocean

unless his demands are met,
yadda, yadda, yadda...

- Earthquake?!
- The city?!

The ocean?!

Well, guys, shall we tell him?

[all] Tell him what?

Oh, we have to.

We're throwing a bash for you
at the Coco Bongo when we get
back.

It was supposed to
be a surprise.

Really?! I like surprises.

Ooh! Maybe I can spin around
the earth real fast

against its natural rotation
and turn back the hands of time.

That way I won't know
and I can still be surprised!

I don't believe this.

That's a great idea,
but I've got a better one.

You go and stop the earthquake.

If Pretorius' plan succeeds,
the Coco Bongo's gonna be
underwater,

and that won't make
for a very fun party.

Well, except for water polo.

But, you're right.

Pretorius, it's your party,
and I'll crash if I want to!

And when I get back,
we'll have cake at the Coco?

- Of course.
- Promise?

Yes, we all promise, right?

- [all mumbling]
- I guess we do.

[growls]

Dive, dive.

You could've at least
gotten him to save us first!

[screaming]

Edge City will soon be mine.

I've come for
my present, Pretorius.

Come and get it, Mask.

A farewell to arms,
hey, Pretorius?

Guess what time it is now:

Piñata time!

Oh, I knew you weren't
holding out on me.

And because there's nobody
I'd rather be

spending my birthday with,
I want you to have this cake!

Baked it myself.
It is dy-no-mite!

[blowing]

[exhales]

Ha-ha-ha! Trick candles!

[panting]

We made it. Shows what
police training... can do.

We're alive. We're alive!

[all screaming]

Have no fear,
Super Mask is here!

[rumbling]

[grunting]

This is a job for...
rubber ducky!

[all screaming]

Do not panic!
Get under the nearest desk.

Stand in the doorway...

[wheezing]

Magnifique!

[coughing]

Walter...

Ahoy, guys. [chuckles]

A little nautical.
Uh, you need a lift?

[man] This is an invitation
only, private party.

That's the spirit, skippy.

Never mind those d*adbeats.

[all grunting]

[chuckles] We promised.
[yells]

Ha-cha-cha-cha!

Smokin!