03x13 - Camping It Up

[bunniefuu]

[Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" playing]

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's something strange ♪

[phone rings]

♪ In the neighborhood ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ There's something weird ♪

♪ And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[ghosts scream]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

[Peter] Whatever you do, Ray,
don't let it out of the Trap.

Ugh! Ew!

[all coughing]

[shrieks]

Guess what?

[shrieks]

Look out! I've got it!

Grab it! Don't let it break open.

[grunts]

Way to go, Janine.

I'm gonna need someone
to jump-start my heart.

Sorry about that.

But look at this, you guys!

Hey, listen up.

A Count Vostok in Boldavia
wants us to bust a ghost in his castle.

Oh, really?

Where's Boldavia?

It's a small country in central Europe.

We're gonna have a tough time
getting there in Ecto-1.

[Janine] Not to worry.

He also sent four tickets
on the Concorde for you.

Oh, boy! Yippie-yippie!

Sounds good to me.

All right, let's do it!

Boldavia, here we come!

Hey, Nerds in Space,

that's one of my favorite movies.

I'm so glad.

[Slimer groans]

I think Slimer is airsick.

He's looking greener than usual.

[train horn tooting]

[engine chugging]

Eight hours in the air,
and four on the train.

Man, the way I feel right now,
I couldn't even bust a housefly.

[yawning]

[gagging]

Ugh. Bat breath.

Wasn't someone supposed
to meet us here?

Hey, speak of the devil!
Uh, just forget I said that.

[shrieks]

It is good of you
to come to my aid, gentlemen.

I am Count Vostok.

Come, I will take you to my castle.

[chuckles] Great.

We got a lot of sleep to catch up on.

[Winston] You sure we didn't wind up
in Transylvania instead of Beluga?

The subject is not fish eggs,
Winston, it's geography.

Transylvania doesn't even
exist anymore as a separate country.

However, Boldavia is part
of what was once Transylvania.

[shrieks]

[Winston] It figures.

[Peter] Great place.

Must have spent a fortune
on all this dry ice.

[Ray] This is terrific!

Just like all those old horror movies
I used to watch when I was a kid.

[Winston] Yeah, it sure is.

[Count Vostok] I expect you are tired
and hungry from your trip,

so I have prepared a small meal.

All right!

Ooh, yummy!

[Count Vostok] I am sure you are tired.

There will be time to discuss
the reason I hired you tomorrow,

after you have rested.

Aces with me, Count.

Let's hit the sack.

Come on, Slimer.

[burps] Ooh!

[Natalia] We'd better hurry, Yosef.
It's almost midnight.

[chuckles] Natalia, don't tell me
you're believing all the ghost stories

our grandparents tell us.

-Well, they say the castle is haunted.
-Don't be silly.

This is the 20th century, after all.

-And--
-Run!

[screeching]

[both gasping]

[screeching]

[both gasping]

[Natalia and Yosef shrieking]

Yosef, look out!

Inside. I will hold them off.

Ah!

[Natalia screaming]

[screeching]

Hurry!

[continue screeching]

Nothing like a nice sleep
to make you feel better.

Yeah. Let's find the Count
and bust some ghosts.

I like your new...[snickers]

Punk look, Ray. [chuckles]

Huh? Oh! [chuckles]

Couldn't find a mirror to use
while I was combing my hair.

There wasn't one in my room, either.

I wonder where the Count is.

According to this,

he's been called away
on business until tonight.

Gee. For a guy desperate enough
to fly us all the way here from New York,

-he's acting pretty casual about this.
-[PKE meter beeping]

We might as well do some
investigating on our own.

[Peter] I don't get it.

We've gone over this joint
from top to bottom,

and what did we find?

[Egon] Nada. Zero. Zip.

If this castle is haunted,
I'm Howdy Doody, man.

Hmm. Interesting.

Egon, you little thumb tack,

what could possibly be interesting
about a piece of silverware?

That's just it.
It's not silver, it's gold.

In fact, I don't think I've seen anything
in this castle made from silver.

Hmm. No mirrors around
and no silver either,

and the Count disappears during the day.

I think I've seen this movie before.

[Count Vostok] Good evening.

[shrieks]

What do you think, Egon?
Is he a vampire or not?

My PKE Meter is not calibrated
for the undead.

[Egon] There's no way to tell
for the moment.

Well, I'm keeping my collar buttoned,
just in case.

My apologies for my absence.

I trust you have made yourselves at home.

We've investigated your castle, Count,

and we can find no trace
of supernatural activity.

But that's impossible.

I tell you, my castle is haunted.

I've seen the ghosts myself.

-[Pke meter chiming]
-Hey, we're professionals.

If we say there are no ghosts,
there are no ghosts.

Trust us.

[screeching]

[Yosef] The things nearly got us.

And you say they came from the castle?

Oh, yes, without a doubt.

I tell you,

it's all the doing of that Count Vostok.

Quiet, Franz, you sound like someone
from a cheap, animated TV show.

[creatures screeching]

Oh, I do, do I?

Then how do you account for them?

[screeching]

[indistinct murmuring]

[all clamoring]

You'll pay for this, Count Vostok.

How long have you lived here,
Count Vostok?

Not long.

I bought the castle a few years ago.

There are still many rooms
in it I haven't explored yet.

[gasps]

Hey, look.

Don't look now, Count.

[crowd clamoring in the distance]

But I may be wrong
about the "no ghost" part.

-[screeching]
-[all clamoring]

What are those things, Egon?

[PKE meter chiming]

Whatever they are,
they are not registering on the PKE Meter.

Swell. Where did you get
that thing, at a yard sale?

[creatures screeching]

[beeping rapidly]

Wait. I'm getting something,
but it's coming from...

Count Vostok.

[snarling]

I was right, I was right! He's a vampire.

I knew this wasn't going to be a snap job.

[growling]

[screeching]

Oh, no!

It's times like this

that I wish I'd listened
to what my dad used to tell me.

Yeah? What was that?

[Peter] I don't know. I never listened.

[growling]

I think he's on our side.

[growling]

-Now what?
-We'll know in a second.

[growling]

[Slimer whimpers]

[screaming]

Come, come, gentlemen.

Surely, in your line of work,

you have encountered stranger folk than I.

Well, sure, we've busted
trolls, dragons, demons,

even the Boogeyman.

But this is the first time
we've met a real, live vampire.

I mean, a real, dead vampire.

[Stammering] You know what I mean.

Yes.

That is because I am the last of my kind.

Oh, that's sad.

And now, someone is trying to destroy me.

OK, Count, let's talk.

According to legend,
your kind are sanguinivorous,

is this true?

There's no need to be insulting, Egon.

He wants to know
if the Count drinks blood, Peter.

You have perhaps heard
of artificial blood,

a product of your medical science,

it serves my nutritional needs nicely.

Phew!

So who's out to frame you?

The grandson of the man who
all but exterminated my kind,

Dr. Nicholas Van Helden.

[crowd clamoring]

I forbids this.
Violence never solved anything.

Vostok is a vampire. We all know it!

And we know that he sent
those things to attack us.

[crowd agreeing]

I say we storm the castle,
and put an end to his evil.

[all agreeing]

Let's go!

The sun will soon be up,
and he'll be helpless.

No! Stop!

Come back!

[Egon] Van Helden?

That sounds like...

Van Helsing, yes.

Bram Stoker based his novel Dracula

on the feud between my family
and the Van Heldens.

And you're the only ones left?

[clock chiming]

Come. The sun is nearly up,
I must retire to my coffin.

Whatever gets you
through the night, Count,

or in this case, the day.

[shivering] You're going into the coffin?

I don't know how Van Helden
has managed to summon up these demons.

They don't seem dangerous,
but I am afraid, the folk of Boldavia

will do something foolish in fear of them.

Leave it to us, Count.
We'll take care of things.

-[loud thudding]
-[Slimer] Uh-oh.

What was that?

Let's find out. Come on.

Do we have to?

[crowd clamoring]

Now I know how Boris Karloff felt
at the end of Frankenstein.

Yeah. Only, I wouldn't count
on there being a sequel.

We've got to stop 'em.

I can adjust the sound on this Meter
to a frequency painful to human hearing,

but I'll need some time to do it.

Slimer, you've got to delay them.

Me?

Yeah, you're a ghost.
Get down there and scare them.

But...[stuttering]

Hurry!

One more will do it!

[mimicking eerie noises]

Ignore it! It looks harmless.

Harmless? Hmph!

There, that's got it!

Protect your ears.

[high-pitched buzzing]

[screaming]

[crowd screaming]

[continue screaming]

And don't come back!

Blast!

[high-pitched buzzing]

You'd make a heck
of a mad scientist, Egon.

Yeah, we'll get you a guest shot
on The Rocky Horror Show.

[Winston] I don't like it.
There's something too easy about this.

Winston's right.

The villagers aren't the real problem,

Van Helden is.

Right.

And if he can't get them
to do his dirty work,

he'll do it himself.

I think we should check on the Count.

What?

Dr. Van Helden, I presume.

Please step away from the coffin.

You fools!

How can you protect him?
He's one of the undead!

Don't you understand?
He has you in his power.

Hey, what if he's right?
I mean, Vostok is a vampire.

Don't try to stop me!

[gasps] Oh!

Well, I guess we know now
which one's the bad guy.

This g*n has silver b*ll*ts.

First, Vostok, then you.

Oh! Slime, don't fail me now.

Ugh! [grunts]

Get him!

Don't let him get away!

There he goes.

[tires screeching]

What were all those gadgets
he had in there?

A holoprojector, of course!

Those bat creatures were holograms,

three-dimensional illusions.

That's why they didn't
register on the PKE Meter.

Yeah, well, they may not be real,

but Van Helden
and his silver b*ll*ts are.

We've got to catch him!

Vostok's car. Come on!

Hey, look!

[screeching]

Keep driving. They're just illusions.

[crashing]

-This is not my idea of a fun drive.
-[Slimer screams]

[brakes screeching]

We're losing him! Not for long.

It's just another hologram.
Drive through it!

[all gasping]

[brakes screeching]

"Just another hologram," huh?

Sorry about that. Wait a minute.

If the tree is real,
how did Van Helden get through it?

Simple. He didn't.

I give up!

[Egon] With Van Helden out of the picture,
I'm sure the people of Boldavia

will be happy to let bygones be bygones.

I cannot pay you enough
for your service, gentlemen.

We know. But you can try.

[screams] It's back! It's back!

Show us, Slimer.

See?

Great. Just when you thought it was safe
to go back in the castle.

[chittering]

Oops.

[theme music playing]

[screams]