04x11 - Bouncing Baby Blues/The Ugly Duckling/Learning Lessons

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen: Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're we're ♪

♪ ready ready ♪

♪ to to ♪

♪ party

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba, ay caramba

♪ Disguises disguises ♪

♪ surprises surprises ♪

♪ And pies of and pies of ♪

♪ all sizes

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends

- [Garfield] Hey, I'll return the favor.

When you get your own cartoon show I'll watch.

[upbeat music]

One can of pears.

One can of peachy pears.

One pair of canned peaches.

Hang a left when you get to the liverwurst.

One can of orange juice.

One can grapefruit juice.

One can orange grapefruit juice.

All Jon wanted was a quart of milk

but I added a few items to the list.

Pull, Simba.

One can of grape grapefruit juice.

- I'll have you home in a minute Junior.

[gasp] I forgot to buy eggs.

Now you be a good boy and I'll be right back.

- [Garfield] They didn't have any 10-gallon

cans of spaghetti sauce.

What a crummy market.

Come on we've got to get this stuff home

before my frozen burritos thaw.

Do you think we should have gotten some food for Jon too?

- Jr. Jr. where are you?

Jr.?

- [Garfield] Can you push any faster?

I may want to take the freeway.

Okay let's unpack our groceries and put everything away.

One canned ham.

One casaba melon.

One small child.

One box of cornflakes.

Peanut butter, instant mash potatoes,

American cheese, corn chips.

No, no baby on here.

- Look at all this stuff you bought.

Candy and sausage patties and popcorn and a baby

and doughnuts and oh, just put it all away.

- [Garfield] I usually do.

Watch this. I give him five seconds.

Four, three, two.

Cue Arbuckle.

- A baby?

[babbling]

[stammering]

- [Garfield] I didn't know Jon spoke Swahili.

- I'm gonna phone the market

and see if they know anything about this.

[blabbering]

- [Garfield] Odie, play nicely.

- Oh. - Tell her not to worry.

- Mr. Arbuckle says he'll take care of Jr.

until you get there.

- Oh thank goodness.

Tell them I'll be there in 15 minutes.

- [Garfield] Come on, open wide.

- [Baby] Nuh uh.

- [Garfield] Eat some for daddy Garfield.

- I don't think babies eat lasagna, Garfield.

- [Garfield] Everyone eats lasagna.

- Aw, isn't he cute?

He's so cute.

He's just the cutest thing.

- [Garfield] Federal law.

When you look at a baby

you're required to use the word cute.

- His mother is coming to pick him up.

We'll let him sleep in this basket until she gets here.

Keep an eye on him.

If anything happens to him,

no chocolate layer cake for a year.

- [Garfield] Ooh he knows just how to threaten me.

Come on pupster, I'm gonna have something to eat.

Okay you can have the ice cubes.

The light bulb and the box of baking soda.

I'll take what's left.

[babbling]

Okay your turn.

What a well-behaved kid.

He's so quiet you'd hardly know he was there.

Oh jokes on me I guess.

He isn't there.

He isn't there?

Yoo hoo, baby where are you?

Come out come out wherever you are.

Odie, the kid got away.

We gotta find him.

Wait, if Jon comes in and sees that basket empty

I'm in giant economy size trouble.

We need a fill-in baby.

Now where are we gonna find one?

Odie, have I ever asked you to do anything

you didn't want to do?

[Odie speaking] - Uh huh.

- Okay, okay apart from those 7,331 times.

[Odie speaking]

Odie you are the ugliest baby in the world.

But you'll have to do.

Now lie there and pretend to be cute while I find the kid.

I've just gotta find that baby

before Jon cuts off my layer cake privileges.

Baby, are you in there baby?

Any babies in there?

You haven't seen a baby, have you?

I'm looking for a baby, ow.

[chittering]

- Keep your nose out of my tree. It looks like a walnut.

Who do you think you are poking your head into my tree?

Why I oughta pound you you dummy.

- [Garfield] My nose does not look like a walnut.

It's no use.

I'll never...

Come on kiddo.

Your mama's coming to get you.

- [Woman] Cat, get away from my Jennifer.

- [Garfield] Wrong kid.

- Bad cat.

Bad cat.

- [Garfield] Hey, look out.

Watch it.

You should be riding that thing instead of swinging it.

- [Odie] Uh oh.

- Hi, you must be the baby's mother.

I'll get him.

Come on little fella.

Your mommy's here for you.

That's a nice baby.

- Oh, there he is.

I can't wait to see my dear sweet wonderful baby again.

Let me get a good look at you dear.

Well that--

That's a dog.

- You shouldn't say that about your child ma'am.

He's just [gasp] Odie?

- What have you done with my baby?

I'll call the police.

Ah there's a policeman.

Oh, officer.

- [Garfield] I'm in trouble.

Couldn't find the baby anywhere.

- This child doesn't look anything like you ma'am.

- You're not listening.

That's not my baby.

That is a dog.

- Oh I get it now.

Well sir if you can't tell us where her baby is

you're in a lot of trouble.

- But but I don't,

that is, I mean.

I Oh.

[blabbering]

- [Garfield] This kid's heavy.

Try some of that low cal pablum.

- That's my baby.

Oh, thank you kitty cat.

- Mama.

[blabbering]

- Well, looks like my job here is done.

- Oh Mr. Arbuckle, I'm sorry I got so upset at you.

- That's okay, I understand.

- [Garfield] Well Odie,

looks like everything turned out all right.

- Nuh uh.

- [Garfield] Why not? What's wrong?

[whispering]

No I will not change you.

[crying]

- Garfield I could sit here and pet you all evening.

[sighs]

- [Garfield] Do so.

- But it's almost 7:00 and I have to get ready for my date.

You'll have to get down now.

- [Garfield] I like it here.

- Come on Garfield.

She'll be here any minute.

Get down.

[straining]

- [Garfield] But I'm warm and cozy.

[doorbell rings]

- Oh great.

There she is now.

Garfield get down.

Oh no no no.

Claws, stop it.

Don't you look lovely this evening.

[upbeat music]

- Anderson, Franklin P, 1479 Nesler Avenue.



Anderson Franklin W, 104 18 Crestview Drive.



- [Egg] Orson.

Isn't there any other book you could read us?

- Yeah the phone book is kind of dull.

- Well, I know it doesn't have much of a plot

but the cast of characters is terrific.

- [Egg] What do you think, Booker?

- Well, it is better than last night when you read us

that zip code directory.

- [Egg] I don't know.

I kind of like part about 9 double 0 4 8.

- Guys, I'm sorry.

But I've read you every book on the farm.

There's nothing left to read you.

- [Egg] How about the ugly duckling?

- The ugly duckling?

What made you think of that?

- It's the title of this episode.

- Okay, the ugly duckling.

Uh, Ugly ducklings, duckling, ugly.

Ugly duckling.

I don't have a copy of the ugly duckling.

- [Egg] Well then make something up.

- Yeah.

- You mean just make up a story about an ugly duckling?

- [Egg] Sure. Why not?

- Well, all right.

Okay. Once upon a time there was this ugly duckling

and he was really ugly.

- I am ugly.

Boy am I ugly.

We're talking ugly here folks.

I am really ug-ly.

- [Audience] How ugly are you?

- I am so ugly my face could stop a sun dial.

I am so ugly when I walk into a room

the mice jump on chairs.

[Mice] Ahhhh!

I'm so ugly I frighten scarecrows.

Ahhhh!

My pictures don't do me justice.

They look just like me.

[sighs]

I guess I shall just have to accept being the guy

who put the ug into a ug-ly.

- [Orson] That's what he thought

until one day he overheard two people talking.

- He's the greatest wizard you've ever seen

and he makes a great grilled cheese sandwich.

Quack quack.

- A wizard.

That's what it would take to fix my puss.

- [Orson] He found out where the wizard dwelt

and hurried off to see if magic could make him less ugly.

The wizard Bo ran a little restaurant

at the edge of the forest

where he made magic and sandwiches.

Occasionally he got his two skills confused.

- Hiya Bo, make me a sandwich.

- Okay, you're a sandwich, man.

Oh, like sorry, dude.

I'll change you back.

- Wizard, you must help me.

I, why do you have mayonnaise all over you?

- Don't ask.

- I need your help, wizard.

Only you can help me.

I am desperate.

- Okay, what'll you have?

- A new face.

- A new face.

Will that be on white or rye, man?

- No no I have need of a new face.

I am an ugly duckling.

- [Both] How ugly are you?

- I'm so ugly I look worse than my driver's license photo.

- Well like I can zap your new kisser, man.

But you have to do something for me first.

You have to go see my evil sis.

The Wicked Witch of the Wool and get her shoes, man.

- Her shoes?

Do they contain powerful unimaginable magic?

- No they're just like you know, neat shoes, man.

Get them and I'll whip you up a new face.

- Then get these shoes I shall.

For within this woeful day oh I need a new face more

than I could possibly need anything else.

- With the possible exception of acting lessons.

Okay chef, I'm thirsty.

Make me a malted.

- All right.

- No no no no no no.

Don't. I meant--

I hate puns.

- [Orson] And so the unsightly fowl

made his way toward the castle

of the Wicked Witch of the Wool.

As cowardly a duck as he was, the thought of a new face

gave him the courage to press on.

Finally, he reached the foreboding castle

and trembling with every step made his way inside.

There he nervously made his request

of the Wicked Witch of the Wool

who promptly replied:

- My shoes?

Why do you want my shoes?

- Well, if I take your shoes to your brother

he'll give me a new face

and I really need a new face as I am very ugly.

- How ugly are you?

- I'm so ugly I have to sneak up on the mirror to shave.

Where's that drummer?

- You're not getting my shoes.

My lackeys will see to that.

Lackeys!

Off with his ugly head.

- I shouldn't have come here.

I shouldn't have come here.

Boy, should I not have come here.

- Get him!

- [Orson] They chased him all around the castle.

In a typical cartoon chase until finally

he found himself trapped.

And it was then that he suddenly realized

he had a secret weapon.

- You guys better not come any closer because I'm ugly.

- [Pigs] How ugly are you?

- This ugly.

[Pigs] Ahhh!

- Okay, duck.

I've had it.

I'm gonna turn you into a gnat.

I'm gonna...

[stammering]

[shouting]

- I did it!

I got the shoes!

- [Orson] And so the ugly duckling had the witch's shoes

and then--

- [Egg] We know.

He went back and the wizard made him handsome.

- And he lived happily ever after.

- No, it just so happens you're wrong.

You see, by defeating the Witch and her lackeys

he realized he had a powerful secret weapon in his face.

- I am invulnerable.

Plus I got thousands of he's so ugly jokes to use up.

He he he .

- [Orson] He decided that in its own way

ugly could be kind of beautiful.

- Make way.

Ugly person coming through.

- You see, ugly is all in how you look at it.

So he lived happily and unsightly ever after, the end.

So guys, how'd you like the story?

- This is much more interesting.

- Now I thought it was an interesting story.

Anderson, Gary, 456 Longshore Boulevard.



[upbeat music]

- [Garfield] Odie looks way too contented.

I think I need to bring some fun into both our lives.

[humming]

Scusi little pupola.

I am the great the painter a Leonardo da Garfield

and I wanna I should paint you.

You don't know I could speak Italian so well, did you?

Can I paint you, pupola?

[barks]

[laughing] - All right, all right.

Stop the cartoon.

People, please could we please stop the cartoon?

- [Garfield] Uh oh, it's the man from the network.

- Garfield Garfield Garfield.

- [Garfield] What what what?

- Garfield your show's demographics indicate a surplus

of consumers on the two to 12 age range.

- [Garfield] I think that means we have a lot of kids watching.

- And the network would not be displeased

with an increase in the

educational content of your show.

[gasp]

- [Garfield] Educational content?

In my show?

- For example, what does this teach anyone?

- [Garfield] It teaches them not to let me paint them.

- The network has decided to bring in three consultants

who will endeavor to put some learning into this show.

- [Garfield] Oh no.

Not them.

♪ Oh we are the Buddy Bears we're here to teach you stuff ♪

♪ Learning a lot of facts is never ever rough ♪

♪ If you don't know everything you haven't learned enough ♪

♪ Oh we are the Buddy Bears we're here to teach you stuff ♪

[Odie whines]

- [Garfield] I hate Buddy Bears episodes.

- Now don't you object to this, Garfield.

If you make trouble I'll have to preempt you for golf.

- I'm Bobby Buddy Bear.

- I'm Billy Buddy Bear.

- I'm Bernie Buddy Bear.

- [Bears] And we're the Buddy Bears.

- [Garfield] Whoopee.

- Don't let us bother you, Garfield.

- We just want to add some learning to your show.

- You won't even know we're here.

- [Garfield] Looks like I don't have a lot of choice.

All right let's hose down Odie

and take it again from the top.

Okay, that's your mark pup.

We'll start over.

Odie looks way too contented.

I think I need to bring some fun into both our lives.

[humming]

- Garfield is disguised as Leonardo da Vinci,

famed sculptor and painter of the 16th century.

- His most famous painting was the Mona Lisa.

He painted it in the year 1514.

Now hanging in The Louvre in Paris.

- He was also an inventor, architect, and engineer.

And is regarded as one of the great geniuses

of the Renaissance.

- [Garfield] All right.

Scusi little pupola.

I'm a the great painter Leonardo da Garfield

and I wanna I should paint you.

- Garfield is not speaking Italian.

- He is speaking bad English with a bad Italian accent.

- Would you like to learn to speak Italian?

Here is a helpful Italian phrase that you can learn.

- Repeat after me.

Per favore mi dia del cetriolini.

- [Bears] Per favore mi dia del cetriolini.

- An important Italian phrase that means

please let me have some pickles.

- [Garfield] I've had nightmares about being in Italy

and not being able to get pickles.

All right. Back to troublemaking.

Canna I paint you pupola?

[barks]

- Painting is a wonderful way to express your own creativity

but pick your paints wisely.

- Years ago, most paints were made of natural

resins and oils such as linseed oil.

- Today, synthetic resins and latex are employed.

Usually formed with a solvent employing hydrocarbons.

- [Garfield] That's it.

Enough of this educational stuff.

I'll do something constructive instead. I'll eat.

Chocolate cupcakes.

Nature's most perfect food.

- Do you know what goes into a chocolate cupcake?

- It contains sugar, enriched flour,

ferrous sulfate and sodium pyrophosphate.

- Plus various artificial colorings and flavorings

to simulate the taste and appearance of chocolate.

[sniffs]

- [Garfield] Hey, it does smell like thiamine mono nitrate.

Somehow I don't feel much like a chocolate cupcake anymore.

I don't know what to do.

Those buddy bears are driving me bananas.

- Bananas are an excellent source of potassium.

- [Garfield] You're driving me bats.

- Bats are flying mammals with excellent night vision.

- [Garfield] I'm near the end of my rope.

- A rope is usually made from the fibers of a hemp plant.

- [Garfield] Ah!

I gotta find a place that's safe.

- The safe was invented in 1831.

- [Garfield] Ah!

I have to get away from them.

Cab.

Why are they doing this to me?

This isn't educational TV.

This is Garfield.

- James Garfield was the 20th president

of the United States.

- [Garfield] I've gotta get away from them.

Wait, I have an idea.

It's weird but it just might work.

Hi guys.

You've been making my show very educational.

- Yes we have. - Very educational.

- Absolutely. - Thank you.

- [Garfield] Well let's tell everybody

all about Gazorninplats.

- Tell them about Gazorninplats.

- Bernie, you may do the honors.

- Oh no, I couldn't think of it.

You tell them about gazor--

What was that word again?

- [Garfield] Gazorninplats.

Sheesh everyone knows about Gazorninplats.

Next thing you'll be telling me

you don't know about freebleflasiks.

- Excuse us for just one moment.

[Garfield humming]

- What was that word again?

- [Garfield] Gazorninplat.

Gazorninplat.

It's in the trellfaz family.

You know, kind of like a vampamino only smaller.

- We don't know about any of that stuff.

- We failed.

- We're ashamed.

- [Bears] Goodbye Garfield.

- [Garfield] Bye guys.

Have a nice crebeluffin.

Well so much for educational materials on this show.

Uh oh.

Him again.

- Garfield, we at the network have been watching the show

and we're most intrigued about these Gazorninplats.

- [Garfield] I made that word up.

- In fact we believe there should be

an entire show about Gazorninplats.

- [Garfield] But I made that word up.

- And we're giving it your time slot.

- [Garfield] What?

You can't give it my time slot.

I made that word up.

- Start the new show.

- [Garfield] No!

- [Narrator] It's the Gazorninplat hour bringing you

the latest in preeblefaslings and tralfasses.

- [Garfield] I made those up!

I want my show back.

I gotta get my show back.

[upbeat music]

♪