04x13 - Guaranteed Trouble/U.S. Acres: Fan Clubbing/A Jarring Experience

[bunniefuu]

- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and friends.

[drumroll]

♪ We're, we're

♪ Ready, ready

♪ To, to

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

- Man: Yo!

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

- Man: I'm scared!

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba

♪ Ay caramba

♪ Disguises, disguises

♪ Surprises, surprises

♪ And pies of, and pies of

♪ All sizes

[screams]

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends

- Garfield: Serving cartoon watchers

the world over since 1988.

[upbeat theme music]

- Manny: For we are gathered here today

on this mournful occasion

to bid farewell to a faithful friend,

a friend who was always there to comfort us in time of woe,

a friend who was truly a part of the family.

[whimpering] [sniffles]

- Garfield: That was the best TV set we ever had.

- And so, loyal 21-inch console model,

we bid a fond farewell.

- Wait!

You're sure there isn't some way to fix it?

- Mr. Arbuckle, this is a very old set.

You bought it back in August.

- Garfield: I put a lot of miles on him.

- Let's just give it a decent burial, hm?

- Okay.

I guess it's time to buy another set.

Come on, guys.

- Garfield: You think I should have sent flowers?

- I wonder if this could be a good place to buy a new TV.

[laughs]

- Hiya, friends!

This is Madman Murray!

Come on down to buy a TV from me.

Why? I'm practically giving them away!

I'll pay you to take them.

Why?

Because I have no sense of values whatsoever!

Take them away before they take me away!

[laughs]

- Hey, let's go there.

- Garfield: We are there.

Let's see if he has a TV

that I'll show everything but his commercials.

[laughs]

- Are you kidding me?

I am selling stuff so cheap,

I will be bankrupt by noon, but do I care?

I don't care!

[laughs]

I recommend the new Takashimada TV!

- Garfield, take a look at that model,

and see if you like it.

- Garfield: I'll see if I like it.

- Announcer: And now, a recipe for lasagna.

- Garfield: I like it.

- Does it come with a guarantee?

- Of course, a three-year guarantee!

- How much is it?

- Why, it's practically a steal!

[whispering]

[gasps]

[blubbering]

- Garfield: Doesn't Jon do a good

outboard motor impression?

- Odie: Uh-huh!

[blubbering]

- Garfield: I once ate oatmeal that made that sound.

- Okay.

New set in place. [Odie barking]

- Garfield: Good, I'm about 87 commercials behind

in my television viewing for the day.

- Everybody set? [Odie barking]

- Garfield: Ready as I'll ever be.

- All right, Garfield, turn on our new TV set.

- Garfield: Here goes.

Hope there's something mindless on.

- It's upside down.

- Garfield: Hey, nothing gets by you.

- I can't hear Binky.

- Garfield: Well, there's something good about this set.

I shall apply an advanced, scientifically tested method

of electronic instrument correction.

[loud thud]

[soft hiss]

- It's smoking.

- Garfield: It's brand new, it's too young to smoke.

[loud rumbling]

- Jon: Hit the deck!

[loud boom]

- Garfield: Yeah, that's how I feel about Binky too.

- Our new TV set.

Wait a minute.

We'll just take it back to Madman Murray.

We have a three-year guarantee!

- Mm-hm, so, what do you want me to do

with this pile of junk?

- But I have a three-year guarantee.

[laughs]

- Did you read the fine print on your warranty card?

- I can't, the lettering is too small.

- Mm-hm, come with me.

Can you read it yet?

- Not quite yet.

Hold it still, Odie!

[whimpers]

Okay, I can almost read it.

This warranty not valid

Monday through Friday or on weekends,

not valid in any month with a vowel in its name,

and not valid if TV owner was born after the year 1863.

What kind of warranty is this?

- From my point of view, it's great!

- Garfield: Looks like I'm never gonna get a TV to watch.

What I have in mind should only be done

in a desperate situation,

but then, what's more desperate than no TV?

- But I paid you for a TV.

You sold me a defective TV.

It doesn't work!

- Hey, I just sell them, pal.

I don't build them.

- Garfield: Growl.

Hiss! Snarl!

- Hey, what is with this cat?

- Garfield: He's a saber-toothed cat.

Hiss!

Growl. [Murray yelps]

- Get him off of me!

Help, saber-toothed cat!

Help! Help!

[screams]

- Garfield: Growl!

Spit! Snarl!

- Help, save me from the saber-toothed cat,

and I mean help!

- Uh, I'll save you if you fix my TV.

[laughs]

- I can't fix it, but if you take it back to the factory,

they'll fix it!

[loud cracking]

[loud crash]

- Garfield: What a coward.

- Garfield, that was very brave of you.

- Garfield: Yeah, well, lack of TV

makes a cat do strange things.

- At least we got the answer.

We'll just take the TV back to the factory,

and they'll fix for us and everything will be fine.

- Garfield: Not really.

The factory is in Japan.

- Takashimada Electronics, Tokyo?

Oh, no!

I'm not giving up.

If we have to take it back to the factory,

we'll take it back to the factory.

[chickens clucking]

Look, it was the best flight I could afford.

- Garfield: We don't even get that little bag of peanuts.

- The Takashimada factory oughta be just down this street.

- Garfield: 6,000 miles to get a TV fixed,

makes you wish the shows were better.

- There it is, that's the factory!

And there's, oh, no.

- Oh, you bought one of these from Madman Murray too, huh?

- I don't care how long we have to wait.

We came this far, we're getting this set fixed!

- Garfield: I'm gonna go find another costume just in case.

- Sorry, Mr. Arbuckle, but we cannot fix your set.

- Garfield.

- Hi yah, doma, sushi.

Hi yah, kabana.

[gasps]

- Ninja pussycat!

I will fix your TV set at once, sir!

- Finally!

- Oh, we did it, guys.

We had a fly 12,000 miles and spend every cent I had,

but we got a working TV!

Turn it on, Garfield.

- Garfield: Here goes nothing.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Huh? [gasps]

- It's all in Japanese.

[speaking in foreign language]

Garfield, what are we gonna do?

[speaking in foreign language]

- Garfield: We're gonna sit here and eat teriyaki chicken

until we learn the language.

[speaking in foreign language]

You know, this still makes more sense

than anything on cable.

[upbeat music]

[Odie whimpering]

- Garfield: Oh, poor Odie, locked outside in the snow.

He's shivering.

He's probably very cold and very miserable.

- Odie: Mm-hm.

[Odie whimpers]

- Garfield: I can't bear to see him suffer like that.

I gotta do something.

That's better.

- Will everyone please settle down?

Can I have your attention, please?

Attentioni!

Thank you.

[loud banging]

The meeting of the Roy Rooster Fan Club will come to order.

Roy Rooster presiding.

[coughs softly]

I want to thank you all for coming.

It's good to see so many new faces.

Before we begin, our recording secretary

will read the minutes of the last meeting.

Ahem, no one showed up for our last meeting either.

Respectfully submitted, Roy R. Rooster, recording secretary.

Thank you!

I move the minutes be accepted as read.

Is there a second? I second it.

Thank you!

All in favor of approving the minutes say aye.

Aye! All opposed?

The minutes are approved.

Now, is there any old business?

Any old business at all?

In that case, is there any new business?

Does anyone have any new business

to bring before the Roy Rooster Fan Club?

Well, in that case, is there a motion to adjourn?

- Wade: I have a proposal!

- What?! - I said I have

a proposal to make!

- A member.

I don't know what to do.

We'd never had a member before.

Wait a minute!

I have a member in my fan club!

[laughs]

An honest, real-life, in-person member of my fan club.

Whoopee!

Well, member Wade, what would you like to propose?

- Wade: Ah, can I propose anything I want?

- Anything at all.

Democracy rules.

- A-ha.

I would like to propose that we change this

to the Wade Duck Fan Club!

- What?! - I propose that we change

this to the Wade [mumbling].

- We all heard you.

You can't propose that.

[mumbling]

- I can so propose whatever I like!

- No, you can't!

- Yes, I can!

- No, you can't. - Yes, I can.

- No, you can't. - Yes, I can.

- No, you can't. - Yes, I can.

- No, you can't. - Yes, I can.

- Can't, can't, can't, can't, can't. - Can, can, can, can, can.

- Wait, let's go consult Orson.

He can settle this.

- Fine with I.

- You can't. - Can.

- Can't, can't. - Can.

Can. - Can't.

- Can! - Okay, enough already!

I can see I'm not gonna get to finish my dinner

until I settle this.

If you wanna know how to run a meeting,

you consult Rooster's Rules of Order.

Any member can offer any motion for consideration.

- See? Nyah.

- All right!

We'll vote on it.

- Let's see if I can finish my succotash

before the next interruption, although I doubt it.

- Okay, all in favor of changing the Roy Rooster Fan Club

into the Wade Duck Fan Club say aye.

- Aye!

- All opposed? Nay!

One to one, the motion is not passed.

- Hey, uno momento there!

You cannot vote!

- What do you mean I cannot vote?!

- You are chairing the meeting, you cannot vote.

- Yes, I can. - No, you can't.

- Can, can, can, can, can. - Can't, can't, can't, can't--

- Okay, let's go see Orson again.

- Can. - Can't.

- Can, can. - Can't, can't--

- Okay, okay, I'll settle it!

At least I finished my succotash.

Can't even take a shower in peace.

According to this, the person chairing the meeting

only votes in case of a tie.

[chuckles]

- See?

I'm enjoying this.

[loud banging] - All right.

We're voting on whether or not

to change the Roy Fan Club to the Wade Fan Club.

- Plus, I think I should be president.

[growling]

- All in favor of making this the Wade Fan Club

and making Wade president say aye.

- Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye.

- All opposed?

Okay.

This is now the Wade Duck Fan Club [sighs]

and Wade Duck is president.

[coughs softly] [loud banging]

- The Wade Duck Fan Club will now come to order.

Ooh, my very own fan club.

[sobs]

- The humiliation of it, to lose my fan club,

and just when I finally got a member.

I hope that duck feels a little embarrassed.

His fan club doesn't have any members at all.

Oh, no members.

Hey, I could, oh, that is, if I could just, oh, oh, yeah.

[laughs]

I could just [laughs].

- Well, then, if there is no new business, we will--

- Roy: I have a proposal.

- What are you talking--

- I propose we change this back

into the Roy Rooster Fan Club.

- You can't do that!

- Yes, I can. - No, you can't.

- Yes, I...

- Both: Orson.

[snoring]

- Roy: Orson, wake up!

- Oh, now what?

[loud shouting]

Okay.

Okay, fine.

Okay, stop it already!

Look what you've done.

Oh, now I have to go take another shower.

When I get out, I will give you two

a decision about all of this.

- It's my fan club.

- It's my fan club.

- You two wait here while I clean up

and figure out how to handle this.

[both humming]

- That's my gavel.

- But I'm president.

- But I paid for it.

- But it's my fan club.

- But I want it! - But you ain't getting it!

- You come back with my gavel!

- Wade: It's my fan club and my gavel!

- You bring that back here!

Stop in the name of the CBS Saturday morning schedule!

You're out of order! [chickens squawking]

- Let go of me and my gavel!

[loud shouting]

[loud crash]

[loud honking]

[loud crash]

It's my fan club.

- My fan club.

- Now, you see what you guys did?

And all this over some silly fan club with no members.

- Silly? - My fan club?

- Well, it may be silly to you--

- But we take our fan club seriously, don't we, Wade?

- You betcha indeed!

- All right, then.

I have the perfect solution.

Let's make it the Roy and Wade Fan Club

and you can both be presidents.

- Both: Oh, who'd wanna be in a silly club like that?

- All Right, see if I try to settle arguments in the future.

Nobody listens to me.

Having a fan club for yourself with no members,

what a ridiculous idea.

[chuckles]

I mean, maybe it would be nice to have your own fan club,

but really, a fan club should have someone

in it besides yourself,

not that you shouldn't be your own fan, but...

[loud banging]

- The meeting of the Orson Pig Fan Club

will now come to order!

Is there any old business?

Any new business?

Would anyone like to make a motion?

Any kind of a motion?!

[upbeat music]

♪

[upbeat music]

♪

- Riff: Let me go in and get some food, Ma.

I can do it.

- Riff's Mother: No, Riff, there might be a cat

in this house.

- Riff: A cat?!

Bring him on.

I'll pulverize him.

I'll jump rope with his whiskers.

- Riff's Mother: Listen to your mother.

Wait out here while I get dinner.

- Riff: If there's a cat,

call me and I'll mop up the place with him!

- Garfield: Time for my 3:27 cookie break.

[thrilling music]

[gasps]

- Riff's Mother: A cat!

[loud thud] [groans]

- Garfield: Hope there's some gingersnaps left.

[suspenseful music]

This one feels a little stale.

I'll leave it for Odie.

[loud chomp] Mm!

We're talking cookie here.

Wait.

I don't want the rest of them to get stale.

[Riff's mother moans] [loud clacking]

- Riff: Something's wrong.

Ma needs me.

[Garfield humming]

Ma?

[gasps]

- Garfield: Boy, can I make a sandwich.

- Riff: Ma!

- Garfield: This sandwich was such a work of art,

I should've signed it.

- Riff: Don't worry, Ma, I'll save ya!

[loud chomp]

- Garfield: Yow!

[loud crash]

- Riff: You are in big trouble, cat,

if you put my mother in a sandwich!

- Garfield: Your mother is tuna salad?

- Riff: Well, you got her here somewhere.

Oh, where is she?

- Garfield: What would I want with a mouse?

- Riff: Cats eats mice.

- Garfield: Eats mice?

[groans]

Why would anyone wanna eats mice

when there's lasagna in the world?

- Riff: It ain't gonna work, cat.

You got my mother, and I ain't leaving till I find her!

- Garfield: And so, Power Pig dismantles

Margarine Man's butter incinerator.

What, you mean you don't read your comic books out loud?

Beware evildoer, your nefarious scheme will not work.

You will not stop me, Power Pig!

Gosh, what clever villain dialogue.

Time to unmask you, Margarine Man.

And with that, Power Pig rips off his mask and--

[loud tear] [Riff grunts]

- Riff: Where's my ma?!

- Garfield: Hey!

Come back with that piece of my comic book!

I have to know who Margarine Man is!

[loud thud]

- Riff: You tell me where my ma is,

and I'll tell you who Margarine Man is.

- Garfield: Why can't I get him to understand?

[gentle music]

Okay, a nap.

He can't bother me when I'm asleep.

I don't know where your mother is, mouse.

[yawns]

[snoring]

I don't know where she is.

I don't know.

- Man: Where is the mouse, Garfield?

- Garfield: I don't know where the mouse is.

- Man: Where is the mouse, Garfield?!

- Garfield: I just told you! I don't know where the mouse is!

- Man: Where is the mouse, Garfield?!

- Garfield: Listen to me!

I don't know where the mouse is!

- People: Where is the mouse, Garfield?!

Where is the mouse, Garfield?!

Where is the mouse, Garfield?!

- Garfield: I don't know where the mouse is!

Why won't you listen to me?

- Voices: Where is the mouse?!

Where is the mouse?! Where is the mouse?!

Where is the mouse?!

- I don't know!

I don't know.

Get another song!

Do some Christmas carols, something!

I don't know where the mouse is!

[screams]

Whoa!

[loud splat]

- Riff: Now will tell me where my ma is?

- Garfield: Read my lips as if they move,

I do not know where your mama is.

- Riff: Okay, you are askin' for it.

I'm gonna get Max to help me.

- Garfield: I'm beginning to understand why cats eat mice.

It's gotta be better than listening to them.

- Riff: So what do you say, will you do it, Max?

Will you help me find my mother?

- Max: I will do it.

I will find your mother.

You have my word.

- Garfield: I guess that mouse finally found his mother.

[yawns]

- Max: Cat!

- Garfield: You catted?

- Max: Where is the mouse?

- Garfield: Here we go again, folks.

I don't know where she is!

- Max: You lie.

[loud crash]

Now will you tell me where the mouse is?

Or do I have to get rough?

- Garfield: That wasn't rough?

I don't wanna stick around and see what rough is.

- Max: You cannot escape.

[upbeat rock music]

- Garfield: I don't know where your mouse is.

I don't eat mice.

I don't even like mice!

I mean, for food!

I like 'em as friends.

Can't we be friends?

- Max: This is the end of you, cat.

- Wait.

Before I go, a last cookie?

Just my luck, the stale one.

- Riff: Ma!

- Huh? - Riff.

- Garfield: Is this what you were looking for?

[gentle music]

- Riff: Ma, where ya been?!

- Riff's Mother: I was looking around for food,

and I got trapped in the cookie jar.

- Garfield: Food, huh?

Here, we have plenty.

We have to, with me around.

- Riff: Cat, guess I owe you an apology.

[coughs softly]

- Max: It would appear I do also.

We were...dummies.

- Garfield: Hey, if folks didn't do dumb things,

we wouldn't have plots for cartoons.

See you around.

I should have been rougher on them,

but I'm just so glad it's all over.

- Jon: Garfield, where is the mouse?

- Garfield: The mouse, I don't know where the mouse is!

Stop asking me!

I don't know where the mouse is! I don't know where the mouse is!

Yaaaaabba doo!

- It's part of my new computer and,

I don't know, I don't ask, I just work here.

[upbeat music]

♪