05x15 - Ghost of a Chance/Roy Gets Sacked/Revenge of the Living Lunch

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. [upbeat music]

♪ We're ♪ We're

♪ Ready ♪ Ready

♪ To ♪ To

♪ Party!

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready, yeah ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ I'm scared

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, Romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, La Bamba

♪ Ay caramba

♪ Disguises, Disguises

♪ Surprises, Surprises

♪ And pies of, And pies of

♪ All sizes

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends

Garfield: Today's show is brought to you in color,

unless the artist ran out of crayons.

[funky music]

- This is an interesting program.

Garfield: Hey, don't hog the milkshake.

- Here, you may have half of this.

- Some experts theorize that there

is a central gathering place for all the ghosts

and goblins of the world like a big dispatching station.

- You were suppose to drink half.

Garfield: I did, the bottom half.

Let's watch something else.

This show is dumb.

A central dispatching station for ghosts?

What a stupid idea.

[mysterious music]

- Where's McRaven?

- Oh, right here, sir.

I'm still haunting the north side of town.

- Good boy, well, keep scaring people there.

- I object!

- What is it, Diablo?

- This miserable excuse for a ghost

has a prime territory and he has never once scared

so much as a butterfly.

- McRaven, is this true?

- Oh, well, not exactly.

- [sighs] Who was the last person you scared?

- Last person, last person?

Well, just last week I almost scared a Chihuahua.

- This pathetic poltergeist is an insult

to every man, woman, and specter along us.

He should be fired at once, stripped of his sheet,

and I should be given his plum assignment.

- McRaven, what do you have to say for yourself?

- Please just one more chance.

I can scare somebody, I know I can.

- You better!

- You'll see, I'll do it, I'll do it.

Oh boy, oh boy.

Better find someone I can scare.

Maybe something small like a kitty cat.

I think there's one in this house.

- Let's see, what do I want?

I should leave something for breakfast.

Hey, an olive's something.

[ghost wooing]

Usually this happens after I eat before bed, not during.

[ghost wooing]

Would you pass the ketchup?

- Aren't you the least bit frightened?

- Yes, I'm not sure what this green stuff is I'm eating.

- Oh, I'm a failure as a ghost.

Oh, I can't even scare a kitty cat.

- No, but I can.

Watch this.

- Poor little ghost.

He didn't understand that after John's cooking,

it takes a lot to scare me.

[ghost cackling]

Like that!

Help!

Higher quality ghost, help!

[Odie snoring]

Here, take the dog and leave me.

[ghost cackling]

[Odie whining]

- Now, there's still the master of the house to terrorize.

[telephone rings]

- Who could be at this hour?

Diablo: Is this John Arbuckle?

- Yes?

[ghost cackling]

[John screams]

- Oh, I love my job.

- But it's true, my house is haunted

by a big, ugly ghost.

- Right, right, right.

Listen, don't be wasting your police department's time

with non-sense about ghosts.

- He didn't believe me.

- Hey, I wouldn't believe a grown man

with duckies and horsies on his pajamas.

Let me think how to solve this.

Maybe I can call the Ghostbusters.

Nah, their show is canceled.

Oh, you again.

Your friend just scared me out three of my nine lives.

Maybe four.

- Well, you know, he's not my friend.

He took my job.

- Yeah, well, he took our house.

How are we gonna get rid of 'em?

- The only way I know to get rid

of a scary ghost is to out-scare 'em.

- Oh right, me out-scare him?

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

You've given me an idea.

- I have?

- Yeah, I need to check the TV listings.

- Now that I've redecorated

to make the place more unlivable,

I think I'll stay awhile.

Maybe, oh, seven, 8,000 years.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, goodie, someone else to scare.

Ah, it's you, I've already scared you.

- Have you had the TV on this morning?

- No.

- Hurry, my favorite show is on.

♪ We are the Buddy Bears, we always get along ♪

- That's frightening.

- Yeah, isn't it?

Change the channel.

- Hey kids!

- You should see what's on the all stupid game show channel.

- I don't think I want to.

- Look at what's on cable.

- Get that away from me.

- John's new battery powered TV.

- I don't want to look at it.

Binky the clown: Hey kids!

♪ We are the Buddy Bears, we always get along ♪

- Take that away from me!

Garfield: There's an infomercial on channel 23.

[Diablo screams]

- Where does a ghost get a job these days?

Maybe ruining someone's TV reception.

- It's yours, it's all yours.

I see why you can't scare these people.

- Hey, let's watch the all Binky channel.

[Diablo screams]

Diablo: Help, help!

- Oh, well, you got your house back

and I got my old job back.

- Sure looks that way.

- But I still can't scare anyone.

- Ah come on, I'll give you some pointers.

McRaven: Really?

- I don't know exactly what happened

but I'm glad it's all over.

Odie: Uh-huh.

- And I have a feeling we won't see anymore ghosts around.

- Excuse me, would you like to watch Binky the Clown?

[screams]

- Hey, if he thinks Binky's scary,

wait till he sees the six o'clock news.

[blowing]

Life with John is not normal.

[playful music]

- Garfield, I'm going to go down to the mall

and tap dance in my underwear with a balloon animal tied

to my head and a pineapple in each hand.

Garfield: Again?

Orson: On Monday, I went to dive into my waller,

executing a perfect jackknife

and it would've been splendid

except that Roy had replaced all my mud

with frozen vegetable soup.

I'm still getting celery out of my ears.

Tuesday, Roy disguised himself as a jungle man

and told Wade.

- Jungle man say wild pumas come,

have big teeth, better to eat you with.

- Wild pumas, wild pumas?!

[laughing]

Orson: Wade has not been seen since.

Then this morning, he did the lowest thing yet.

He secretly replaced Lanolin's regular coffee

with new Fernman's crystals.

Bo: Like, what's so low about that, man?

- Fernman's makes soap crystals.

- Ooh, that is pretty low.

You all right, sis?

- Of course I'm not all right.

That stupid rooster put soap in my coffee!

- Roy plays tricks on everyone.

What are we gonna do about him?

- Well, that's what this meeting is all about?

- Are the pumas gone?

- Welcome back, Wade.

There never were any pumas.

- Woohoo, I got a peachy keen trick to play on Orson.

He'll open this box and wham-o,



How can I resist eavesdropping?

Booker: I'm sick of Roy's practical jokes.

Bo: Yeah, like I'm sick

of Roy's practical jokes too, man.

Lanolin: I'm just sick of Roy.

- I feel we should always be forgiving

and should always have a sense of humor.

- Ah, good ole Wade.

- I for one will laugh a lot when we fire him.

- Fire me?

- Yeah! - Yup.

- Hold on, hold on, everyone.

You are not going to fire Roy.

- Ah, I knew my good friend, Orson, would stick up for me.

- I'm gonna fire him.

I'm firing him and hiring another rooster tomorrow.

- Even Orson is against me.

- You'd really do it?

- You'd really get rid of Roy?

- No, of course not.

I just wish there was a way to teach him a lesson.

- Fired, axed, ousted.

And after I gave them the best five seasons of my life.

What am I gonna do?

I've gotta find another series.

I've gotta go see my agent.

You gotta get me on another cartoon show, Bernie.

- Right, p*ssy cat.

Look, I'm in tight with all the boys at the network

and I am telling you, sweetheart, nobody's hiring.

- I don't have to do farm humor.

I have sides I've never shown.

How about this?

Teenage mutant ninja rooster.

- Very nice, Roy sweetheart.

- How about the little mer-rooster?

- Roy, bubula.

- How about this, GI Roy?

I command a squadron of 7,428 toys, each sold separately.

- Roy, honey, baby, bubula, you're breaking my heart.

I'm sorry.

- I'm washed up.

Might as well go to the old cartoon characters home.

Sit on the front porch with Felix the cat,

telling stories of the good ole days.

- Let's see, name Roy Rooster.

Occupation, cartoon character.

Experienced in being hit by pies,

falling off cliffs, and having pianos dropped on person.

- Waste of time.

My career is over.

- Well, we seem to have one opening for a cartoon character.

- I'll take it!

Whatever it is!

- Well, I should warn you, it's--

- Who cares!

Just so I'm back on TV.

Who needs Orson and his crummy show.

Here I am, here's your new star.

What kind of cartoon show is this?

No, not you guys!

- I'm Bobby Buddy Bear.

- I'm Billy Buddy Bear.

- I'm Bertie Buddy Bear.

- I'm their sister, Betty Buddy Bear.

All: And we're the Buddy Bears!

- Would you like to be on our cartoon show?

- No, you'll drop 16 ton safes on me.

- Oh, no, my brothers don't do that anymore.

- Yes, we promise.

- We won't drop any 16 ton safes on you.

We don't even have any.

- Hmm, well, all right then.

I'm yours.

Lanolin: Orson, I haven't seen Roy around all day.

- Not that any of us are complaining, you know?

- He'll turn up.

Right now I wanna watch the Buddy Bears.

- Let's see what happened when you don't drink your milk.

- Hello, I am drinking my milk.

- And I am going to be a bad boy

and not drink my milk.

Gee, I wish I drank my milk.

Billy: Remember kids, drink your milk

or someone may drop a piano on you.

- Well, at least it wasn't a 16 ton safe.

- Our next good habit is to always wash behind your ears.

Here is what happens when you don't.

- Hello, I just washed behind my ears.

- Really?

I never wash behind my ears.

Wait a minute, I don't have ears!

Or for that matter, teeth.

- The lesson, kids, is to always wash behind your ears

or beware of falling 1988 convertibles.

- They're doing the kind of thing to him

that he always does to us.

- You know, he's right.

It is kinda funny.

- Our next good habit is to always squeeze the toothpaste

from the bottom of the tube.

- I don't wanna go out there.

You'll drop a 16 ton safe on me.

I know it's coming.

- We gave our word.

- You sure?

Both: We promise you, no 16 ton safes.

- I always squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom.

- I always squeeze it from the top.

I thought you promised not to drop a 16 ton safe on me.

- And we didn't.

We don't have any.

- This is a 27 ton safe.

[Roy yelling]

- Gee, looks like Roy left me a present.

[boing]

- Orson, please, you gotta give me my old job back.

I'll never play another trick on anybody.

I'll never do anything mean to anybody, not even Wade.

Oh please, please, please.

- All right, Roy, whatever you want.

[Roy cheers]

- I'm back on TV!

Wade- What was that all about?

- Yeah, Roy sounded like you fired him, man.

- Well that's not so.

I never fired, Roy.

[splat]

But I will now.

-[hiccups]

[upbeat music]

Garfield: In outer space, there are small particles

of stone that circulate around the sun.

These are known as meteors.

When one enters the earth's atmosphere

and comes into contact with air,

friction causes it to burn up.

Sometimes a small piece lands on earth

and is known as a meteorite.



of molten metal.

He had no idea what it was at first.

It was made of hardest material he'd ever seen.

- Ow!

Garfield: And it was completely inedible.

To the farmer, that meant only one thing.

- Must be one of them there fruit cakes.

Garfield: But what he hadn't noticed

was what had happened to everything near the meteorite.

Slowly they seem to come to life.

And get every ready, folks,

because this is another of Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.

The farmer took the meteorite home

thinking it was a fruit cake.

That Christmas, he wrapped it as a gift.

And presented it to his neighbor

who also thought it was a fruit cake

so she didn't eat it either.

Instead she wrapped it up and mailed it

to a relative she didn't like very much.

Which is what people usually do with fruit cakes.

And the relative reacted pretty much

the way you'd expect her to.

- How lovely, a fruit cake.

I'll give it to someone else.

Garfield: Over the next 37 years,

the meteorite was given as a gift 4,186 times.

No one ever tried to eat it.

No one ever eats a fruit cake.

They just take it and pass it on.

But every so often, it took a week or two

for someone to find a friend they disliked enough

to send the fruit cake

and when that happened, things around the meteorite

just sorta came to life.

Finally, a week ago Tuesday, a package arrived

at the home of John Arbuckle.

- Package for you, Mr. Arbuckle.

- Oh, thank you.

Garfield: Sounds like either a ton of lead weights

or a fruit cake.

- Get it off me, get it off me.

Garfield: Arbuckle opened the package to discover.

- Aunt Edna sent me a fruit cake.

- What did you ever do to Aunt Edna?

Fruit cake, one of only three foods

in the world I won't eat.

[Odie barks]

Raisins and snails.

Mm-hmm.

Now John Arbuckle was dumb but he wasn't dumb enough

to try eating a fruit cake.

Instead, he put it away in the refrigerator.

And then he went off to ponder the question

everybody ponders when they receive a fruit cake.

- Who do I dislike enough to send a fruit cake to?

- I don't know why he put it in the refrigerator.

Fruit cakes don't spoil.

I mean, it's not as if they're food or anything.

But he did, and it started to glow.

Over the next few hours things started happening

in the refrigerator.

Late that night a quart of low fat milk decided

to make a break for it.

In the living room, a handsome cat was sound asleep.

So asleep that at first he didn't realize

what was happening.

- All right, give me your wallet.

Garfield: I don't have a wallet.

- Rats, I'll go someplace else.

- I hate it when milk goes bad.

Milk goes bad?

Odie, the milk carton just ran by.

We have to find it.

- Uh-huh.

- You don't believe me?

- Nu-uh.

- Well I don't blame ya, I wouldn't believe me either.

Go back to sleep.

I could've sworn I saw the milk carton trying to rob me.

- Must've been your imagination.

- The ketchup is right.

Must've been my imagination.

The ketchup is right?

The ketchup, it's alive!

- Can you help me get my hat off?

These things always stick.

- And the pickles are alive.

- Come on, guys, let's go to the salad bar.

- And the leftover tuna casserole.

- Hey, that's the cat that keeps cleaning out our home.

- Calm down, don't flip your lids.

This isn't happening to me.

That rib roast from that Tuesday.

- That's right, wrap me in foil and call me a leftover.

You'll pay for that.

- It's the potato salad!

- That's German potato salad to you

and you will stop treating me as a side dish.

Garfield: Odie, help, they're chasing me.

They're after me and they're high in cholesterol.

To see the entire contents of the refrigerator come to life

and mount an attack.

- What is going on in here?

[angry chattering]

Garfield's being attacked by a bunch

of meats and vegetables, I should've known.

- It looked like the cat and dog would wind up

in the deep freeze but then the fabulous feline

had a thought.

Odie, we're doomed.

[Odie whines]

But I'm entitled to a last meal.

- Last meal?

- What do you mean?

- I think I'd like a sandwich with everything.

They ran from the cat in terror

knowing full well there wasn't anything

he wouldn't put in a sandwich.

They all got away.

Even a jar of molasses which is usually so slow.

Arbuckle spent several minutes trying to form whole words.

While the cat indicted they should investigate

the refrigerator, they found it empty,

but for one mystical glowing force.

And the cat came to a brilliant conclusion.

I have a feeling this may not be a fruit cake.

A local scientist confirmed

that it was a radioactive meteorite with mutation powers

that could bring inanimate objects to life.

At first, Arbuckle didn't have a clue what to do with it.

- What do you think, Garfield?

Garfield: But the cat, of course, had an idea.

They took the fruit ca- , the meteorite,

to their local city council where nothing

had moved in over 20 years.

Sure enough within minutes the meteorite's powers took over.

And the city council actually sprang to life and did things.

- The important thing is that we realize

that time is on our side.

Garfield: The end, perhaps,

but the next time someone who doesn't like you

sends you a fruit cake, wait before you pass it on

'cause it could be a fruit cake

but it could also be one of...

Okay, let me have the echo again.

Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.

I love that echo.

[upbeat music]