01x01 - The Visit to Aunt Ruth's

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everyone.
I'm Howie.

Welcome to "Bobby's World."


And you know what I really hate?


Of course you don't,
because you don't know me.

You know what I hate?


I know you hate this too.


When somebody like
flicks you like that,

right in the eyeball.


That bugs me.


Does that bug you?


It bugs everyone.


Right, Bobby?


Bobby?


BOBBY: What?


-Bobby?


BOBBY: What?


-Bobby?


-That's my name!


[CHUCKLES]


Daddy, you look funny.


-Wait a minute, young man.


If you have nothing
nice to say-- whoa!

Look, I'm a real person
standing in a cartoon room.

That is funny.


Wait a second.


[POOF]


-That's my dad.


-Oh, now, uh-- oh, here.


Take Webley and go to sleep.


[THUD]


Because tomorrow
is a very big day.

We are going to Aunt Ruth's!


We're going to help her
celebrate her birthday, Bobby.

Huh?


[DOOR SHUTS]


[CLICK]


[CLICK]


[SCREAMS]


[THEME MUSIC]


Aunt Ruth?!


[WIND HOWLING]


[SCREAMING]


[SIRENS AND THUNDER]


[THUNDER INTENSIFIES]


-No, Aunt Ruth!


Aunt Ruth!


Aunt Ruth is coming!


[expl*si*n]


[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]


-Oh no!


What happened?


-Oh, it was horrible!


Aunt Ruth, she
pinched my cheeks,

she told me how cute I was!


It was horrible,
horrible, horrible!

[ROARING]


BOBBY: It's Aunt Ruth!


Don't let it near you!


-[SHRILL VOICE] Bobby!


-No!


-Bobby, what's all the fuss?


-Aunt Ruth, she was after me.


She was crunching cars
and stomping on people,

and pinching cheeks, and-- and--


-Oh Bobby, you were
just having a nightmare.

I promise you
everything is all right.

Now Bobby, turn out the
light and go to sleep.

-Daddy?


I don't wanna turn
out the lights.

HOWARD: Why?


-He's never gonna believe this.


Because when the
lights go out, it

looks like the teddy
bear is moving.

-Teddy bear isn't
really moving, Bobby.

It's your eyes,
playing tricks on you.

I'll explain it later.


Just don't worry, the
teddy bear isn't moving.

[DOOR SHUTS]


-OK.


[CLICK]


MALE VOICE: Easy, easy.


Watch it.


Careful.


I didn't take the insurance.


That's OK, I'll take
the doilies with me.

-Hey, careful with that.


Careful, that's my good china.


Hey, hey, hey, watch that.


That's my stuffing.


-Teddy bear, you are moving.


-That's correct, Bobby.


You were right along.


I don't know why parents
don't listen to kids.

-Where are you going?


-I've enlisted.


-Oh, Teddy, don't go.


-Sure, it'd be
easy to stay here,

dragged around the
house by you all day

long and chewed on by Roger.


But there comes a time when
you have to ask yourself,

is there more?


I think there is.


Boys--


[DRUM ROLL]


I'm going to learn to be a
radar technician, guaranteed!

[FIREWORKS EXPLODING]


HOWARD: Bobby, you
go to bed in there!

[DOGS BARKING]


-Honey, is Bobby having
bad dreams again?

-Yeah, about Aunt Ruth.


MARTHA: Oh no.


-Yeah.


You know, the way
he's acting, you'd

think she was
Godzilla or something.

-Aww, ooh, now that's a
bad-- breakfast is ready.

-Aww, man.


Kevin and Bobby'll work on the
skateboard ramp without me.

They'll be able to
practice and be real good.

They'll sign a million
dollar contract

with a skateboard manufacturer,
endorse a line of clothing,

and buy their
parents a new house.

-Well, we all have to make
sacrifices, young man.

Mine will be the
house, and yours

will be going to Aunt Ruth's.


And somebody pass
the jelly there.

-Dad, I have big
plans for today.

Natalie and I are supposed
to go to the mall and hang.

[HOWARD MUMBLING]


-[MOUTH FULL] You can-- you
can hang at Aunt Ruth's.

KELLY: Fine, I'll go.


But I don't have
to talk to anybody.

-I'm Captain Squash!


This


[DOG SLOBBERING]


-Bobby, don't eat
with your fingers.

-Sorry, mom.


[SNIFFING]


KELLY: God, Bobby!


Don't even think of
picking your nose.

[SQUEAKS]


That is so gross.


-[VOICEOVER] Picking my nose.


-May I help you?


-Oh, I'm just picking my nose.


-Would you care to try on
some of our fine collection?

How about a sunburnt nose?


It's like a day at the beach.


That looks so good on you!


-Ow!


-Oh, too hot?


Try our d*ck Tracy
model, the snubnose.

[g*nshots]


[WHIMPERING]


-That's OK.


It was a runny nose.


If you're into lying, you
might try our Pinocchio model.

Your mother does know
you're picking your nose?

-Um, yes.


-Bobby, stop picking
your g-darn nose.

Right now, just
finish up your cereal.

Then you need to go upstairs and
wash your face and hands before

we leave for Aunt
Ruth's, don'tcha know.

[DOG PANTING]


HOWARD: And don't forget
to wash behind your ears!

-Ferris, I wonder why they won't
let me wash my hands in front

of my ears like the
other kids get to do.

[RIMSHOT]


[CAR ENGINE STARTING]


HOWARD: Well everybody,
we've off to Aunt Ruth's.

-Mommy, Derek hit me.


-Oh now, Derek, don't hit Bobby.


Would you please, boys?


-He hit me first.


MARTHA: Oh, come on now.


-Hello, you two are so immature.


MARTHA: Hey Kelly.


[POP]


-[BOTH TOGETHER] Gross.


-If you two don't
settle down back here,

I'm going to pull the car over
and I'm going to let you out.

-Oh honey, I don't
know why you say

those things, because
you know never do it.

You just never do it.


-Well trust me, this
time, I just might.

-OK, you just show
me then, honey.

-Don't leave me here!


Please, I'll be good!


I'll never hit Bobby again!


Come back!


[BOBBY LAUGHS]


-What are you smiling about?


-That's for me to find
out for you to know.

-Hun, I don't mean to
come in on your territory,

but wasn't that our turn there?


-Hello, are we lost again?


-I thought you
weren't gonna speak?

-[WHISPERING] Dad
got us lost again.

-I heard that.


I know exactly where we are.


This is, uh-- um-- a new route.


-Yeah, it's the car
that's lost, not dad.

-Oh yeah, this new route
business looks to me

like we're in the
middle of nowhere.

There's no sign of civilization.


-No sign of civ'lation?


Uh oh.


[HORN HONKING]


[VOLCANO EXPLODING]


[CAVEMAN CHANTING "INNA GADDA DA
VIDA"]

[THUD]


-This hard day's work.


Me hate grocery shopping.


-Honey, I really don't
want to be pushy here,

but maybe we should have
made a right turn there?

-I have an idea.


What about TV dinners?


-Thank you, Bobby.


We make you chief.


[CHEERING]


[SNORING]


[SIRENS IN DISTANCE]


DEREK: Are we there yet?


-Hey now, if you kids are
bored, why don't you, uh,

read the, um, the
billboards there?

Yeah, that's what
they're there for.

Those are nice.


-OK!


-You can't read, dipstick.


-Uh huh.


-Sixty Flags Over Kids Fun?


Mom, dad, can we go?


It's only 40 miles!


-Yeah!


HOWARD: No!


-Oh, cool!


Water World is only 200 miles.


Can we go?


-Yeah!


HOWARD: [SHOUTING] No!


We're going to Aunt Ruth's,
and we're gonna have fun!

-I told you not touch
anything, Bobby!

Now I'll get you and
your big fuzzy dog, too!

[CACKLING]


DEREK: Hey, half-pint.


-Huh?


-Watch this.


[THUMPING]


-Oh no.


Is that a flat tire?


Quiet, everybody.


Wait.


Wait a second.


Derek, is that you?


How many times have
I told you to stop

tapping on the side of the car?


How many?


DEREK: It wasn't me.


It was Bobby.


-No, it wasn't me.


I'm sitting in the middle!


[BOBBY GROWLING}


-All right, the two of you, stop
it or there's gonna be trouble!

[POLICE SIREN]


Oh no.


-Well, honey, what
do you expect?

You should keep both your
hands on the g-darn wheel.

-Daddy, you were right.


You said there was
gonna be trouble.

[BOBBY CHUCKLES]


-May I see your driver's
license, please?

Is this your current
address, Mr. Generic?

-That's Generic,
pronounced "JEN-er-ick."

-Daddy, remember what you
always say about policemen?

-Now is not the time, Bobby.


-You say, why aren't they out
catching criminals instead of

bothering us tax
paying citizens?

That's what you always say.


-Good point.


Could you tax paying
citizens help us?

-Huh?


[SIRENS IN DISTANCE]


-Looks like a hostage situation.


-Yeah.


Seven people are being held by
three defective ballet dancers.

They'll blow up
the building if we

don't give in to their demands.


-What can we do?


-If we only had someone
in the building.

-Where's Bobby?


-What a minute, who's
that on the roof?

-Oh no, that's my
little brother.

-Going after you, pump you up.


[CRASH]


-Hey, the little dork did it.


He saved the hostages.


-That's one fine underage
hero you've got there.

Tell you what I'm going to do.


I'm going to let you off
with a warning this time.

-Oh, thank you, officer.


-After all, you are on
the way to Aunt Ruth's.

And I figure that's
punishment enough.

HOWARD: Here we
are, Aunt Ruth's.

[WOLF HOWLS]


-Dad, it's quiet in there.


Too quiet.


-Oh, look at you,
you're so cute!

I could just hug you to death!


-No, no, no!


She'll stretch my face!


-Well, he's your son.


Bobby, say hi to your Aunt Ruth.


[GULPS]


-The moment of
truth has arrived.

Hi, Aunt Ruth.


-Oh well, well, look who's here!


[CHUCKLING] I could just squeeze
the stuffing right out of you.

[BOBBY SCREAMS MUFFLEDLY]


-Guess who.


[BOBBY MUMBLES]


No, guess again, ha ha.


[BOBBY MUMBLES]


That's right.


It's me, Uncle Ted!


Ha ha ha!


Hey everybody, line up
for noogies, come on!

-No way.


-Uh, no.


-Uncle Ted now, no roughhousing.


-Scout's honor, sis.


-Come on, let's go roughhousing.


-Yay, roughhousing!


[TRUMPET FANFARE]


-d*ck Velcro here,
live with Peggy Phlegm

at the US Roughhousing
Olympic trials.

They're about to start, so
let's watch their routine.

PEGGY: Well d*ck,
the program says

they'll start with
a single axle.

Great move.


They cleaned off the top of
the table with that one, d*ck.

-They really make it look easy.


Oh, here comes a sit
spin into a camel.

[CRASH]


[APPLAUSE]


[CRASH]


d*ck: Here come the scores.


For technical merit--
10s across the board!

MARTHA: Uncle Ted, you bonehead.


Oh now, ooh, Uncle Ted,
you're worse than the kids.

-Oh, no problem.


I can fix this old thing.


Just get me some super glue.


-Super glue!


I'll help you, Uncle Ted!


-[ALL SHOUTING] No!


-Oh.


Then, can I have a cookie?


-No, not right now, Bobby.


We're going to eat pretty
soon, so go wash your hands.

-All I ever do is wash my hands.


I just wanted a cookie.


Roger?


Aunt Ruth left a disguise.


I've got an idea.


-Hmm?


MAN [RECORDING]: Good
afternoon, Mr. Bobby.

The photograph
you are looking at

is the cookie jar sitting
on Aunt Ruth's counter.

Your mission Bobby,
should you accept it,

is to scale the counter
and get the cookies.

This is Wayne Newton.


He has nothing to do
with this mission.

But doesn't he look like
Zorro without a mask?

Anyway, good luck.


This tape will self-destruct
in-- a couple of seconds?

[CLICK]


[BURP]


-Eww.


[BOBBY HUMMING THEME TO "MISSION
IMPOSSIBLE"]

MARTHA: Oh, Bobby, how adorable!


You look so cute!


[LAUGHTER]


Do you see what
he's wearing there?

Oh my gosh, he's my--


-How did you know it was me?


[THUD]


-Dork.


-I guess it wasn't a very
good disguise anyways.

-Oh come on now, get
some pictures of him,

he is so g-darn cute!


-OK, OK, son.


Hold it there for a second.


MARTHA: Like that, uh huh.


NARRATOR: Bobby was apprehended
on a 12-11, attempting

to steal cookies before dinner.


He is now serving two concurrent
life sentences at Aunt Ruth's.

The cookies were returned
to the cookie jar.

[SMEK]


-Aww, thank you, Ruth.


We all had such a
g-darn good time.

Didn't we now, kids?


Come on, kids,


-Um, yeah.


-Yeah, uh huh, we sure did.


-Uh, Ruth, about
your lamp-- I think

I know where I can
get a replacement.

-Oh, well, that's
all right, Ted.

Just be more careful.


-Oh, Bobby dear, here's a
little something for you.

-Chocolate chip cookies!


Thanks, Aunt Ruth.


Huh?


Huh?


What is it?


It's Teddy bear!


-[SINGING] Teddy's back in town.


-I'm so glad you're
back home, Teddy.

-Oh I'm not staying home, Bobby.


I'm going to go to
college on the GI bill.

I think I'll study
interior design.

-Bobby?


Bobby?


-That's my name.


-Well, Bobby, did you
learn you could have

a good time at
Aunt Ruth's house?

Huh?


-No.


I learned I can have a
great time at Aunt Ruth's.

[CHUCKLING]


-Was that a great show or what?


I'm asking you because
you saw it, I didn't.

I was in it.


That's why you're
lucky and I'm not.

But I can't wait for next
week's show, because, uh--

because I'm in it again.


So, uh-- and you'll
be watching it.

Bye!


[THEME MUSIC]