03x03 - Bad News Bobby

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everyone.

Welcome to Bobby's World.

I'm Howie, and this
here is still Bobby.
Hey, Bobby.

You look pretty excited
about today's show.
-I sure am, compadre.

-Compadre?

What's that?

-That's Spanish.

-Oh.

Well, anyway, on today's show,
we're going to a baseball game.
-Wow.

Everybody loves baseball.

Even lizards.

-Wait a second.

How do you know that
lizards like baseball?
-Well, they're always
catching flies.
-He's a nut.

-Well, sometimes
I feel like a nut,
and sometimes I don't, but now
I feel like starting the show.
[THEME MUSIC]

HOWIE: Yeah, there's nothing
like your first big league
game, Bobbo.

Wow.

Watch those guys
warming up, Bobby.
See that catch?

-Yeah.

-And that throw.

-Ah huh.

-You know, you can really learn
something important, Bobby.
-Right.

A bag of peanuts is a dollar
and three big nickels.
-I mean from baseball players.

You see, Bobby, baseball's--
It-- It's like life.
-Oh.

TED: Oh, excuse me.

Pardon.

Oh, coming through.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Coming through.

-Uncle Ted!

Over here!

-Well, what do you know?

I'm in the wrong aisle.

-Look, Bobby, Bobby.

That's Daryl Strawberry.

He's been in six all-star games.

You see him?

-No.

HOWIE: And Oral Herscheiser.

He's a future hall of famer.

See him?

-No.

-Hey, there's Nate Krebb!

See him?

-What position does he play?

-He doesn't.

He works in my office.

-Oh.

-See why they call it America's
favorite pastime, Bobby?
-No.

I can't see anything.

-Aw, little buddy.

How about now?

-Yeah!

ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen, please
rise for the national anthem.

-Is it just me or do I have
the worst seat in the house?
-Heads up, Bobbo.

Heads up.

-Thanks, Uncle Ted.

[MUMBLING]

-You're welcome.

BOBBY: Gee, dad,
what's he doing?
-Aw, he's just
getting ready, Bobby.
-What's that?

-Well-- Well, he's
still getting ready.
-That?

-Um, scratching and spitting.

That's how they get ready.

-Sure takes them a
long time to get ready.
[CHEERING]

-Daddy, what?

What?

-The batter just got a
hit, and the man on third
is running home!

-How does he know where we live?

-Not-- Not our home,
but home plate.
-Uh, speaking of plates,
I forgot the nachos.
Whoever wants one, say the word.

-Ted!

-One for you.

I got it.

Excuse me, coming out.

Excuse me.

-I got it!

Out of the way!

Out of the wa-- I got it!

I got it!

All my life, I wanted
to get a foul ball.
-Foul ball?

-Welcome to the foul ball.

In honor of Howard of Generic.

-I have suddenly caught whiff
of the most offensive odor.
-Well, what do you expect?

It's a foul ball.

-Boy, this stinks.

I almost had it that time.

-Don't worry, dad.

We'll try again.

-Hit it!

Run!

Run!

Go!

I got it!

BOBBY: Get it!

Yay!

Here it comes!

HOWIE: Ow!

Oh!

Ow!

Off me!

Get off!

Ted!

-That was easy.

-Hey, did I miss anything?

-Bobby.

What are you doing, hun?

-The wave.

I got nothing to do.

Derek ditched me,
and Kelly says I
embarrass her in
front of her friends.
-Well, we'll just have to
find you something to do.
All right, here.

Let's have a look see.

Oh, oh, underwater
basket we-- No.
Tapdancing for the mature adult.

Oh, flick, flick, flick, flick.

Beginnings in Buddhism.

Oh, teeball.

Well, that's it!

We'll sign you up for teeball.

-Teeball?

Derek!

Derek!

I'm gonna play teeball!

Kelly!

Kelly!

Kelly!

I'm gonna play teeball!

Mommy, Mommy!

Mommy!

I'm gonna play teeball!

What's teeball?

Mom!

Mom!

Whoa!

I want a suit like that.

-Yeah, I know, dear.

We're here for teeball
uniforms, not football.
-Hello.

Oh, look at those muscles.

-Ow!

-You're gonna be one of
the great teeball players
when you grow up.

-I am?

-No doubt about it.

So, what position do you play?

-Standing.

-Yeah, my youngest here,
he caught one of those gee
golly gosh foul ba*ls at the
game yesterday, don't cha know?
-Then I bet you're a catcher.

-Well.

-Catcher's the
backbone of the team.
Can't have a game
without the catcher.
Gonna need a mitt.

No, no, two mitts to be safe.

Shin guards, cap, shirt, cleats,
a few bats, chest protector.
Oh, how about a cup?

-No thanks.

I'm not thirsty.

-That should do it.

Just pop over to the dressing
room and try it all on.
-How come they call
them dressing rooms
when everyone can
see me undressing?
-Now, look at him.

Doesn't he look
just gee whiz cute?
-Hey, I was a Stinkie too!

-Stinkie?

-You know, Stinkie hot dogs.

You could smell
them a mile away.
And number seven, my old number.

-I'm number two, see?

-You're Stinkie number two?

-All right, Derek.

Put a sock in it, then.

-Son.

-Am I in trouble?

-No, Bobby.

I just-- I just
realized something.
You're not my baby anymore.

You're my little ball player.

I remember what my father once
told me at a time like this.
He said, son, winners never--
No, no, that's not it.
When the going gets tough-- No,
that's not what he-- He said,
whether you win or
lose-- Uh, no, uh.
Just always wear
your cup, Bobby.
[KIDS SHOUTING]

-Ew!

Jackie!

-Hi, Bobby.

Sorry.

I can't resist a man in uniform.

TED: All right, all right, guys!

Settle down, now.

Settle down.

Hey, let's get this
practice started!
Now, I'm Coach
Uncle Ted, and these
are the assistant
coaches, Meeker and Sner
-I'm not Meeker.

-Meeker here.

-I'm not.

-See, it says on my tag.

Meeker.

-Now, we're gonna teach you
the fine art of teeball.
There are only two
things to remember.
If I can quote the
great Yogi Berra,
The more you put into the game,
the more you put into the game.
-Top of the list.
-That would be first.
-Primo.

-Absolutely.

-And second, on the
Stinkies, we're all equal.
From the best player,
right down to you, Bobby.
-Oh, that's real nice.

-Now, let's see who can do what.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

-Go, go go, go.

-That's gonna be
ringing for a long time.
Ready, set, go!

[SHOUTING]

-He's good.

-Oh yeah.

-He's not.

She's got the stuff.

We trade him.

-Uncle Ted!

Uncle Ted!

Mo's hurt!

-Uh, don't worry, kid.

Uh, walk it off.

Just walk it off.

-Shot to the head, huh mister?

There, there.

You'll be fine.

I've taken several myself.

-You get used to it.

-Sometimes in the
game of teeball,
you gotta be able
to walk it off.
That's my prescription.

-Prescription?

-Broken arm?

Walk it off.

Having a baby?

Walk it off.

-I am not an animal!

I am a human being!

-Walk it off.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

Aye aye aye.

-Batting practice!

[CHEERING]

-Aw.

Keep up.

OK.

Time out!

-What are you doing, Bobbo?

-Uh, maybe he has a
bee down his pants.
That happened to be yesterday.

Oh, smart.

-Oh, yeah.

Very, very painful.

It can get you in a
real sensitive spot.
-I'm just getting ready,
like the real big players do.
-Don't worry about that, Bobbo?

Just get in there and
keep your eye on the ball.
-Right, coach!

Whoa.

I broke it.

Well, maybe we could
play upside down elbow?
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, why aren't you sliding, Mo?

-I don't wanna slide.

I'm not so good.

-Oh, Mo.

You wanna know what my dad says?

He says, son, winners
never-- No, no.
When the going gets tough,
and the-- That's not it.
Whether-- It's not whether
you win or lose, just-- No.
Just always wear
your cup, OK, Mo?
-Thanks, Bobby.

I got sand in my eye!

-Walk it off!

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

-Will you stop with
the whistle already?
-Just ask.

-Relax.

-Relax.

-All right, tomorrow at noon.

Our first game.

Uh, who is it against?

-Against the tigers!

The champions from last season.

They're, uh, undefeated,

-Undefeated.

-Well, that should be easy.

A whole team with no feet?

-No, bless your heart, son.

Means they haven't lost a game.

-Gadzooks.

Never lost a game?

-Get there early to warm up!

[AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM
PLAYING]
-America.

-He's gonna be
one of the greats.
-Honestly, Howard.

-Why do I have to watch
the little dork play?
He'll probably just strike out.

Twice.

-Oh, put your glasses on!

Um, my grandmother
could make better calls!
Why I oughta k*ll the ump!

k*ll the ump!

Let me at him!

Let me at him.

-Just try to calm
down, Aunt Ruth.
Come on, come on.

The game-- The game
hasn't even started yet.
-Oh, well, tell me when it does.

I just love baseball.

-Did you see the other team?

-So, is everybody ready,
willing, and able?
Uh, good.

Well, good.

That's what I like to hear.

Now go out there and get them.

Go, Stinkies, go.

Go, Stinkies, go.

Come on!

Hey, Bobbo.

Got your pregame snack
right here, Bobbo.
Bananas for potassium, Cola
for balanced electrolytes,
potato chips for the
necessary salt, and of course,
some nachos.

-Uh, Uncle Ted, I'm
not really hungry.
I-- I-- I kinda have
butterflies in my tummy.
-Oh.

h* h*.

Come on, butterflies
love this stuff.
Oh, eat it.

It's the breakfast of champions.

Come on, Bobbo.

-Play ball!

-Hey, batter, hey batter, hey
batter, batter, batter, hey.
Swing!

Maybe I said swing too loud.

-Thanks, Jackie.

Better you catch
it than I miss it.
-No problem, Mo.

-Way to go, Jackie.

-Hey, Bob-O. How about a
little between batter jerky?
Oh, every ballplayer
needs his jerky.
-Ha ha!

You didn't hit
that one very far.
-Pick up the ball, Bobby!

The ball!

-Throw to first!

Throw to first!

-Oh.

-You're out!

-Thank you.

Throw it!

Throw it!

[HICCUP] Oh.

I don't feel real good.

-Honey.

Honey, what is it?

-My tummy hurts.

-Oh, don't worry.

I got just the thing.

This bag of real
imitation cheese
covered apple slices should--

-No, Ted.

-Why not?

-Oh, now you just
lie still, honey.
You'll feel better real soon.

-Mama.

Could-- Could you raise
my head so at the end,
I can see my Stinkies play?

-All right, team, listen up.

We're down by three runs, and
it's the bottom of the ninth.
Things look pretty hopeless.

-Oh, bad.

Miserable.

-Boy, you said a mouthful there.

What he said.

-But don't give up.

Maybe it's a long
shot to win, but we
have three outs to do
it in, and we gotta try.
Not for our parents, not for
ourselves, but for Bobby.
He almost gave his all
for the Stinkie team,
so let's go out there
and win one for Bobby!
[CHEERING]

Two outs to do it in.

One out to do it in!

OK, who's up now?

-Bobby.

-Uh, well, just put
in next kid after him.
-Ah ah ah, no can do, coach.

The rule 141a clearly states--

-And I quote, "if a player does
not bat in their designated
spot in the lineup,
boom, costs an out."
-That's it.

It's an out.

He's out.

-Yep.
-Those are the rules.
-History.

-But-- But we only
have one out left!
You know, oh boy this is tough.

How do I say it?

Well, I can't ask you
to do this, Bobbo,
but we only have one out left,
and if you don't bat, we lose.
-Ted, for goodness--
He's got a stomachache.
-Oh, well, he can walk it off.

It is the third out.

-But Howard, he's a child,
and it's only a game.
-No, mom.

Aunt Ruth.

I have to do it.

This is for the Stinkies.

-Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

[CHEERING]

-No more food.

Then what is it?

-A noogie!

And a bat, Bobbo.

I whittled it myself.

-Did you make it out
of a special tree
that was hit by lightning?

-Nope.

From a knotty pine left
over from the garage.
-Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

-My car!

UMPIRE: He's safe!

-Way to go, Bobby.

-It's our son!

-I think I'm going to be sick.

Just kidding.

-I'll tell you something.

That was one nifty show.

Hey, Bobbo.

You learn something
from today's show?
-Yeah.

I learned that the
F-16 was the most used
fighter plane
during the Gulf w*r.
-Well-- Well, how did you learn
that in a show about baseball?
-Well, this guy Neal
told me about it
during one of the commercials.

Bye, everyone!

-Oh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]