03x06 - Fish Tales

[bunniefuu]

-Well, Bobbo.

Ready for the big trip?

-Sure am, Howie.

I've never been to a
foreign country before.
How long will it take me
to learn to talk Cantadian?
-Oh, you'll be fine
before you know it.
What do you think
of my lure here?
So Bobby, you all set?

-Well, you forgot one thing.

-What's that?

-This is a cartoon show.

-So?

-You're real.

-It's right, it's
right here on my rod.
-No, I mean you have to
change into a cartoon.
-You want me, you
want me to change
in front of all these people?

OK.

But you guys don't
watch, all right?
Turn around.

-That's better.

-Mr. Director.

DIRECTOR [ON
MEGAPHONE]: Uh, yes?
-Start the show.

DIRECTOR [ON
MEGAPHONE]: OK, Bobby.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Oh, I love vacations.

-Are we there yet?

-Oh, hon.

We've only gone this far.

We're going all the way to
a foreign country, Canada.
-"Cantada?"

-That's right, Bobbo.

Our fine neighbors to the north.

Ha ha.

Canada.

It's like a different world.

-And let me tell you,
I've been looking forward
to this vacation, since,
well since my last vacation.
Vacations sure are great.

[DOG BARKING]

-Ew.

Whose socks did you eat?

-Ah, you're right, Howard.

Seven days of just kicking
back, relaxing, and fishing.
Now that's a vacation.

-Oh, yeah.

A vacation for you guys.

Won't be any vacation for me.

I'll still be cooking,
washing, cleaning
without modern conveniences,
don't you know.
-This is like totally hectic.

Can we, like, go back home now?

Why do I have to leave
George for a whole week?
-Young lady, you can spend
one week with your family.
-Yeah.

I have to spend my whole
life with you people.
-I don't want to go either.

-Why don't you want to go?

You give me one good
reason, young man,
that you don't want to go.

-This better be good.

-Well, um, because.

-Good answer.

Good answer.

Let's see if it's on the board.

Show me because.

UNCLE TED: Oh, good answer.

Good answer.

You know what time it is?

-Time for noogies?

-Ha ha.

Right!

Time for noogies.

Ha ha.

This is for you.

-Oh man.

-You know, kids.

This is an opportunity
of a lifetime.
This isn't just camping
out in the back yard.
This is the big time.

This is camping in
the Great North Woods.
-My hair.

-This came for you today.

-Camping is fun!

-That's the spirit, Bobby.

Nothing like getting up at dawn.

-Who's Dawn?

HOWIE: And digging
up night crawlers.
-What are those?

-Baiting them on hooks, reeling
in those bass, gutting them.
-Oh, you're going
to do that, Howard.
-Yes, siree.

And eating them
fresh off the hook.
Now everybody, doesn't
that sound like fun?
-Fun?

I don't even know what
you're talking about.
Vacations are one
of the few times
kids are allowed
to eat in the car.
HOWIE: [MUFFLED]
Canadian Border.
-Oh, Howard.

Do me a favor and don't
talk with your mouth full.
-We're here at the
Canadian border.
-About time.

-Yeah.

What took so long?

[DOG PANTING]

--[SNIFFS] Ah, smell
that Canadian air.
-Hey, that's not
"Cantatanadian" air, Uncle Ted.
That's Roger.

Wow.

I've never been to a
foreign country before.
-Come on, eh.

-Come on, eh.

-Keep it going.

Keep it going.

Welcome to Canada

-Bienvenue au Canada.

Now, now.

No need to get nervous, eh.

-Got to ask you a
few questions, eh.
-I have just a couple of
questions for you, eh.
Now, then, are you all
citizens of the US of A, eh?
-Oh yeah.

-Absolutely.

-I am.

-Well, I'll take
that as a yes then.
And what about you, young man?

Are you a citizen?

-Me?

I'm a Generic.

-So young man, for what reason
are you entering Canada?
-Eh?

-Boy, this better be good.

-What, what reason?

What reason?

-OK, Little Shaffer.

Drum roll, please.

Here's the top five reasons
people enter Canada.
Number five, find out where
Canadian bacon comes from.
Number three, didn't
notice the sign.
Thought it was still
part of the US.
LITTLE SHAFFER: Hey Bobby,
what happened to number four?
-I'm not really
good at counting.
Number two, I've never
seen a beaver up close.
Number four, get a
moose for Kelly's hair.
And the number one reason
to enter Canada is--
-Going camping.

-Oh super.

-That's a good one.

Good reason.

Some of the best reasons
bar none I've ever heard.
-You bet.

Welcome to Canada.

-Oui, oui.

Bienvenue au Canada.

HOWIE: Yeah.

This is living.

Back to nature.

Fresh air.

No civilization.

We're camping at the
very place your mother
and I had our honeymoon.

It was just the two of us.

Nature was unspoiled.

Thick woods surrounded a
beautiful, pristine lake.
And not another
person was in sight.
[HORNS HONKING]

-It's not like I imagined it.

-OK, everybody.

Move your stuff into the tent.

It's getting dark.

-Boy, Martha, isn't this great?

Our first whole night together
as a family with no TV.
-Did you say--

-No--

-TV?

[SCREAMING]

-We're just going
to have fun, OK?
Can't you have fun without TV?

-No!

-Yes.

Yes, you can.

It's a chance for the family
to bond, to get together,
to tell stories, to pass
on family tradition.
So tonight we're going to
sit around the campfire
and reminisce about the great
times this family has had
together and all
that kind of stuff.
-OK.

What's "re-yun-miss?"

-Oh, may I go first?

I have one.

Oh, here now.

It was so funny.

Remember when we were
remodeling that kitchen,
and half the house was
covered in plastic?
-Oh!

Oh!

MARTHA [VOICEOVER]:
Yeah, and Bobby
wandered into the kitchen.

-Help!

I've fallen and I can't get out!

MARTHA [VOICEOVER]:
And then he couldn't
find a way back
out of the plastic?
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: That's
not how I remember it.
It was Roger.

He was being attached
by a plastic monster.
[ROARING]

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]:
And, and Captain
Squash and I rocketed
into the kitchen.
And I, and I hiyad
the plastic monster.
-Hiya!

[LAUGHTER]

-Wow, I love that story, Bobbo.

It was better than
your mom's version.
You're a natural
born storyteller.
BOBBY: You think so?

I got another one.

Did I tell you the
one about the time
the cowboys and the bad guys
came into my room, and then--
-OK.

OK, there.

Now that's enough.

Time for bed.

Bobby, you better
go to the bathroom,
before you go to sleep.

-OK.

Uh, excuse me.

Where is it?

-Well, it's over there.

-[GASP] Ew.

Get real.

-No way.

-Gadzooks!

-Oh here, Bob.

Don't be afraid.

It's only an outhouse.

-Uh.

I, I don't have to go anymore?

-Come on, Bobbo.

I'll go with you.

Get it?

"Go" with you.

-Ah, this is, this
is what I remember.
The simple life.

Back to nature.

-Yeah.

Are you kids going
to be all right?
-Sure.

It's a little scary,
but we'll manage.
-I hate camping out.

-Me too.

I got to sleep next to
this smelly little dweeb.
-Yeah, well, you
got the cooties.
Uh, sorry, Roger.

Derek?

[LAUGHTER]

-Kelly!

-Don't even pretend you know me.

So like, how long
have you pumped iron?
-Well, uh, a couple about
five, six years now.
-Wow, yeah.

You look like it.

-Boy, things really change fast.

-Bobbo, a couple of pros
are going to show you
how to catch some
bass before breakfast.
[PULLING MOTOR]

-Yes, sir.

Nothing like the
thrill of battling
a perch, or the
excitement of-- [GRUNT]
[MOTOR STARTS]

-reeling in a rainbow trout.

-Wow.

Thrills!

Excitement!

NARRATOR: Welcome to the "Wide
World of Fishing," spanning
the globe to bring you the
greatest in sport fishing
from deep sea fishing, to fly
casting, to spear fishing,
and ice fishing.

There's nothing as thrilling
and exciting as perch fishing.
-Dad?

You said fishing was supposed
to be thrilling and exciting.
-Shh.

Bobby, just enjoy being
outside, the sunshine,
the warm summer air.

-There's only one thing that
can spoil a camping trip, Bobby.
And that's rain.

-Uh, clouds, wind, lightening.

Clouds, wind, lightening.

Gadzooks!

It's going to rain!

-Rain!

Hockey shockers!

BOBBY: Let's play again.

-Give me a break.

I've bought so many hotels, I'm
turning into Leona Helmsley.
-OK.

I've got another game.

I'm thinking of a
number from one to ten.
-We did that.

-Big deal.

-OK.

OK.

Here's one.

How about I'm
thinking of a smell--
-Ew!

-Ted, that's not suitable.

-Now what?

-I know.

We could tell more
stories about the family.
Like the time I first
met your mother.
-Yeah, sure.

-Oh boy.

-Not.

-Yeah, like totally.

Hey guys, remember when Bobby
went to get his first hair cut?
[LAUGHING]

-Oh, no.

-Oh, oh.

Relax son.

This isn't going
to hurt, you know.
[CRYING]

MARTHA [VOICEOVER]:
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Bobby was so scared of
kindly old Mr. Ajax.
BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: That's
not how I remember it.
-Oh, oh relax, son.

This isn't going to hurt.

No!

BOBBY [VOICEOVER]: The barber
was Edward Snickerhands.
MARTHA [VOICEOVER]:
Now that's a sculpture.
Uh-huh.

UNCLE TED: Good one, Bobby.

I told you.

Bobby tells the best stories.

-Why are all the
stories about me?
-Because you do stupid
things, dweebster.
-Derek!

Because you're the baby,
and you're the sweetest.
-Mom, I'm going over
to Pete and Donny's.
-Is it just me?

Or is, like, this boring?

Gary invited me over
to his family's tent.
-Derek's playing
with his new friends.
Kelly's with her new boyfriend.

What is there for me to do?

-Hey, Bobbo.

Want to meet some
real Canadians?
-Real "Canta-nadians?"

Wow.

People from another country.

Yeah!

UNCLE TED: You know, Bobby,
when you visit a foreign land,
it's important to learn as much
as possible about the natives
so you don't offend them.

-Come on in, eh.

-Yeah.

No need to wipe your feet, eh.

-Oh, that's a sting.

-Bobby, meet the Mooseheart
brothers from Newfoundland.
-Glad to meet you
there, Bobby, eh.
-Yeah, so, is this your
little hoser nephew, eh?
-Are you real "Canta-nadians?"

-Yeah.

The genuine article eh?

-Yeah, we go to cottages in the
summer, eh, and love to camp.
Hey, you here for the
UFO convention too, eh?
-Well, not exactly.

-Too bad, eh.

This is like prime
UFO territory, eh.
-Oh, well we're here
for the camping.
-And Uncle Ted thought
you could teach
me how to be "Canadia-tin-ism."

-Well, that's true.

-Yeah, sure.

No problem, eh.

Do you like maple syrup, eh?

-Yeah.

-Do you like hockey, eh?

-Uh, yeah.

-Shot and a goal, eh.

-You're a beauty.

-Well heck, that's about it, eh.

-All you got to learn
to say is "eh", eh.
-Huh?

-No, not "huh," "eh."

-Huh?

-No, "eh."

-Yeah, like, like your
ears are plugged, eh,
or like you're thinking
about something else. "Eh,"
you know, "eh," get it? "Eh."

-Oo?

Oo?

-No, "eh," like in "stain."

-Yeah, like the "eh" in stain is
mainly from the wet paint, eh.
Get it, eh?

-Eh!

-Hey, Jove I think
he's got it, eh.
-Hey, congratulations, Bobby.

You'd even pass for a
Canadian Mountie, eh.
-A "Can-tadian" Mountie?

NARRATOR: Sargeant Bobby of
the Yukon and his trusty dog,
Roger, were hot on the
trail of the world's most
notorious litterer,
Garbage George.
-Mush, mush, Roger.

We must stop Garbage
George, before he
spoils the wilderness, eh.

A Mountie always
gets his man, eh.
[DOG BARKING]

-Whoa, eh!

[BARKING]

-Stop, Roger!

Unfortunately a dog
always gets his cat.
My hat!

UNCLE TED: Come on, Bobby.

We better give the
Moosehearts back their hat
and get back to the tent.

-OK.

Thanks for teaching me how
to be a "Cantadian." here
-My pleasure, little hoser, eh.

-Yeah, just remember
what we taught you.
BOBBY: Derek, do you
want to go swimming?
DEREK: Not with you, dork.

I'm going with Pete and Donny.

BOBBY: Kelly, do you
want to go swimming?
KELLY: Get real.

I'm going with Gary.

BOBBY: But I need a buddy.

MARTHA: Hon, since we're
leaving soon, I'll watch you.
-Yay!

You never know what's
on a lake bottom.
Ee.

Ah.

Uh.

[ROARING]

-Mommy!

The "lake ness" monster has me!

-Bobby, hon.

There's no such thing as
the Loch Ness monster.
You just feel the mud
that's on the lake bottom.
-See you, Bobby, eh.

-Yeah, come back to Canada
anytime, you little hoser, eh.
DEREK: Can't we stay longer?

I want to go play
with Pete and Donny.
-Yeah, like, I don't
want to leave Gary.
We've only been together a week.

-Will you stop that?

Honestly, you two exasperate me.

You were the ones
who didn't want
to come in the first place.

-Father knows best.

-OK, now.

Easy there, eh.

Take care.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-Anything to declare?

-Kelly has a new boyfriend.

Derek was throwing
stones in the lake.
And I-- Anyways, I like doing
this better than declares.
-Are you bring anything
back from Canada, eh?
-Oh, I hope they don't
look in the cargo area.
I bought some souvenirs.

-Ted!

-May I ask as to what exactly
you were doing in Canada, eh?
-I sat on a boat.

And I went to the
bathroom in an outhouse.
I told stories about
myself, and stepped
on a "lake ness" monster.

It was as big-- well,
it was this big.
Anyway, it was fun, eh.

Hockey hosers!

-Did he say hockey hosers?

-He said it.

I heard him.
-I'm sure he did.
-Yes.

-Bobby, where did you
learn to speak like that?
-You should have
said you were friends
of the Mooseheart brothers, eh.

-Yeah.

Go on.

-Go on.

Beat it.

Come back soon!

-[SPEAKING FRENCH]

-Don't be a stranger!

-[SPEAKING FRENCH]

-Thanks, Bobbo.

I was just acting
like a "Cantadian."
Dad?

HOWIE: What?

-Dad.

HOWIE: What?

-How long until we get home?

HOWIE: Bobby, we
just started home.
-I know.

Wow.

Now that was a great show, eh?

[MUFFLED REPLY]

-Not only did I travel to
a beautiful foreign land,
but I can now speak
another language.
[MUFFLED REPLY]

-I can spell Canada in Canadian.

[MUFFLED REPLY]

-"C" eh "N" eh "D" eh.

You get it? "Eh?"

Now it's time to say goodbye.

-Oh, bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]