03x11 - Bobby's Girl

[bunniefuu]

-[YELLING] Hi, everybody!

Come here.

Don't step on the lawn.

Hi.

I'm Howie.

Know And this is Bobby.

-Hi.

-You know, Bobby.

You know what I was thinking?

-That it would really hurt
if a hippopotamus sat on you?
-No.

-That you shouldn't
put stuff in your nose,
especially if it
doesn't belong to you?
-No.

-That we could run faster
if we had one more leg?
HOWIE: No.

-Then what?

-It's just that,
that I have no idea
what the number
seven smells like.
[THEME SONG]

[BUBBLES]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[SNAP]

[FLAPPING WINGS]

[PLOP]

[SQUEAK]

[PATTERING FEET]

[SQUEAK SQUEAK]

[TAP]

[SQUEAKING]

[CHILDREN VOICES]

-I had the glue first, Bobby.

[GRUNTING]

-Did not!

-You're wrong, Bobby.

I did.

Give it.

Give it.

-Bobby had it first.

MRS. DORSO: Girls.

Boys.

This is not the
way good children
prepare for
Valentine's Day, is it?
-No, Mrs. Dorso.

-Now, let's take our seats
and finish our cards.
Shall we?

-Yes, Mrs. Dorso.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[RASPBERRIES]

[CUTTING AND FOLDING]

MRS. DORSO: Oh my.

These are lovely.

Let's share.

Shall we?

HERBIE: Me first.

This is for my mom.

MRS. DORSO: Very nice, Herbie.

-This is for my Aunt Bernice.

-This is for Bobby.

I love him.

CHILDREN: Ooh.

Bobby and Jackie,
sitting in a tree.
K-I-S-S-I-N-G. [SMACK]
First comes luck.
Then comes marriage.

Then comes Bobby
with a baby carriage.
MRS. DORSO: Now children.

[LAUGHING]

-I'm really embarrassed.

-I want you to be
my Valentine, Bobby.
-[SCREAMING] No!

Yuck!

Help!

[DREAM HARPS]

CAPTAIN SQUASH: Here
we are at last, Bobby.
20,000 Leagues under the sea.

Giant squid off the port bough.

-Gadzooks! [BOING] That's
no squid, Captain Squash.
That's the dreaded Jacktopus.

[BANG]

[CLANK]

[CRASH]

-Argh.

Our only chance is to fight
her on the surface, Bobby.
-Aye!

Aye!

Captain!

Captain!

Is there an echo in here?

[SUBMARINE SIRENS]

Whoop Whoop.

Woop.

Emergency speed.

Roll engines.
[SMACK] Up for downs.
Fighting controls
in full up position.
-Bobby, how did you
know what to do?
-[CRANK] Oh, I don't know.

The will to live.

My instinct to survive.

I saw the movie.

[SPLASH]

[KISSING]

CAPTAIN SQUASH:
This is it, Bobby.
I'm opening the hatch door.

But remember, stay
clear of her tentacles.
-OK.

I thought only
boys had tentacles.
[GRUNT]

[WHACK]

-Look out, Bobby!

[THUD]

[KISSING]

-[SCREAMING] Yuck!

No!

Let me go!

Let me go!

MRS. DORSO: Bobby!

It's time to go.

Your mother is here.

-Can we go now?

Huh?

Can we?

Please.

Please.

Now?

Please?

-Well, Bobby, for
crying in then mud.
We have to wait for Jackie.

-Why?

-Don't you remember?

She's coming home with us today.

[KISS]

[SCREAM]

[PLAY CRASHING SOUNDS]

-Hi, Bobby.

Can I be the ambulance?

-Girls can't play.

-Why?

-'Cause that's
what the sign says.
-No girls allowed.

BOBBY: What do you
want to do, Marty?
I don't know.

What do you want to do?

-I don't know.

What do y-- [SCREAMING] Cooties!

[FOOTSTEPS]

BOBBY: Hey.

You can't come in.

Didn't you see the sign?

-Yes.

It says I can come in.

-Does not.

-You're wrong, Bobby.

It does.

You might want to step
outside and see for yourself.
Now girls allowed.

See?

The sign says so.

You have to let me in.

Want to play a game?

-No.

-It's really neat, Bobby.

-I don't care.

I don't want to play
no matter what it is.
-Oh wow.

-Neat.

[STOMP]

[STOMP]

[PAT]

-Want to play?

-With a girl?

No way!

-I'll play.

[LAUGHING]

-Looks like fun.

-Yeah.

But you got to play with a girl.

-Yeah.

Girls.

Who needs them?

-You want to be my Valentine?

-No!

-You want to sit next to
me at the Valentine party?
-No!

-You want to share
my Valentine candy?
-No!

-I do.

-OK.

-Good.

Got rid of Jackie.

-Uh.

Yeah.

[DREAM HARPS]

[BLOOP]

-This is for Bobby.

I love him.

[DREAM HARPS]

-No girls allowed.

[DREAM HARPS]

[LAUGHING]

[BARKING]

[PANTING]

[WHIMPERING]

MARTHA GENERIC: Well, for
the love of Mike, Bobby.
Don't you hear Roger barking?

-Huh?

Oh.

Sorry Roger.

[WHIMPERING]

[BARK]

-What's wrong, honey?

-Nothing.

Hm.

MARTHA GENERIC: I know
what you would need.
A big bowl of Captain
Squash-e-Roni, tuna flavor.
Your favorite.

-No thanks.

-No thanks?

Alright.

I That's it.

Time out.

Come on, sweetie.

Tell Mom Mom what's wrong.

-Well, it's Jackie.

Ever since I throwed
her out of the clubhouse
'cause of no girls allowed,
all she wants to do
is play with Herbie
all the time.
And, and now I miss her.

-Aw.

There Hun.

Well, what's the
matter with that?
-She's a girl, Mom.

And you're not
supposed to like girls!
-Aw.

[POUR] Well, why not
for corn sakes then?
-I don't know.

That's the 'fusing part,
because Jackie's really fun.
I like playing with her.

You know, Mom, if
Jackie was a boy,
I bet she'd be my best friend.

-Bobby, I think maybe you're
jealous, don't you know?
-I'm not!

What's jealous?

-Bobby, don't ever be afraid
to tell me what you're feeling.
-I'm not afraid, mommy.

It's just I don't, I don't
know what the feeling is.
[PAT] You know sometimes the
best way to describe a feeling
is in a song.

Hit it, BJ!

-OK, Bobby.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[SINGING] I can't stop this
feeling, deep inside of me.
And girl you just don't
realize what you do to me when
you hold me in
your arms so tight.
You let me know
everything's alright.
I'm-- I'm hooked on a feeling.

I'm believing that
you're in love with me.
Good luck, pal [CLINK]

MARTHA GENERIC: You know,
I think maybe you've
got a little crush
on Jackie, Hun.
-I do not.

She's a girl.

And I don't like girls.

-Well, well, then.

You like me, don't you?

-Yeah.

But you're not a girl.

-Yes I am.

-I can't believe that!

-And Aunt Ruth's a girl,
too, don't you know?
[BLING]

[POOF]

-I can believe that.

-Girls aren't so bad.

Someday you'll like
them just fine.
All it'll take is for you
to get hit by Cupid's arrow.
-I'm going to get
hit by an arrow?
[SWOOSH]

[BOING]

-Watch out everyone!

The girls are launching
another attack!
-There's Bobby.

[SCREECH]

[BING] [BING] [BING]

[ZOOM]

[BOING BOING]

[TWINKLE]

-Look out, Bobby.

[VROOM]

-Whoa!

That was close, Captain Squash.

[SCREECH]

[STRETCH]

[SMACK]

-Ah.

[GLITTER]

-Ah.

Oh no.

Herbie's been found.

Why don't you go ask Achilles
to be your Valentine?
-Because Achilles is a heel.

I want you to be my Valentine.

Load the catapult.

[CREAK]

[CRUMBLE]

[CRUMBLE]

-Fire!

[BOING]

BOBBY: [YELLING] Watch it!

Incoming chocolates!

[SWOOSH]

[SQUISH]

BOBBY: Gadzooks!

Nougats!

UNCLE TED: Did
somebody say nuggies?
Ha ha.

-Huh?

UNCLE TED: Ready
for dinner, Bobbo?
-Not really, Uncle Ted.

-Come on now, you cowpokes.

The stagecoach is ready to go.

UNCLE TED: Aw.

Pass the bread around, would ya?

Oh, uh, descend the
butter this way, would ya?
Uh, how about some
of those sugar
packets if you get a chance?

Oh.

Uh.

Oh.

That's a stain.

Uh, send a couple of
napkins down this way,
would you please?
And some water?
-Like, what is?

Like, can I take this
stupid hat off now?
-No.

Don't.

Looks great.

-Really?

-Yeah.

It hides your face.

-Yuk, yuk, you little jerk.

-Oh.

Pay no mind to Derek, Hun.

You're pretty as a picture.

-Meh.

-Girls always stick together.

[SLURP] [CHOMP CHOMP]

-What?

Is mom really a girl?

DEREK GENERIC: No pea brain.

She's a chicken.

-A chicken?

Now I'm really confused.

You know something Bobby?

Your mom is a girl.

And I wouldn't have it
any other way you. [MWAH]
-Oh, I'll take that.

-But if mom's a girl and
I like her then [GASP]
maybe I like Jackie!

What am I going to do?

KELLY GENERIC: You know,
Bobby, like, if you want Jackie
to like like you, you've
got to like be cool.
Grow sideburns.

-Oh, Kel.

Now there's an idea
whose time has come.
Just like Elvis?

-Ew Mom, no!

Like Luke Perry.

-Who?

--[GULP] Well, I'm getting
ready to go back for a refill.
Anybody need help at the buffet?

[SMACK]

HOWARD GENERIC: You know when
it comes to getting girls,
Bobby, the way to
go is flattery.
It works every time.

MARTHA GENERIC: Trust me, Hun.

The only way to
win a girl's heart
is to be your own sweet self.

Now spit.

[PACHEWIE]

[FLUSH]

UNCLE TED: Take
it from me, Bobbo.
When it comes to women, there's
only one thing you got to know.
[LAUGHS] They love
guys with money.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Dad!

Mom!

I need money!

-Well, Martha,
what do you think?
-Well, you know, learning
to be responsible is
a very good life lesson.

-Well then, it's settled.

Starting tomorrow we'll make
a list of the chores for you
to do.

And at the end of the
week, you get an allowance.
-Aw.

An allowance.

Oh, Howard, our little Bobby's
growing up so gee golly fast.
-Hooray!

I'm growing up!

I'm getting allowance!

What's allowance?

[SQUISH]

-Bobby, Hun.

Now what in the world
are you doing dragging
Kelly's clothes in
that gee golly bag?
-I'm doing my chores.

You did say take out
the trash. [GIGGLES]
KELLY GENERIC: Ah.

Ugh.

Like you are so funny.

[BABY SOUNDS]

--[PANTING] How much
do I get for a bath?
-Did you use soap?

Never mind

-What's the problem, shrimp?

I took a bath and I didn't
get any monies far it.
-Baths are small potatoes.

The big money's in making beds.

-Beds?

-Yeah.

You get $ .50 per.

-$ .50?

How much is that?

-A lot.

And to show you what
a swell brother I am,
you can practice
on my bed for free.
-Thanks, Derek.

-Dweeb.

[DOOR SHUT]

MARTHA GENERIC: That's 25.

That's another 10.

That's a 10.

That's a 25.

HOWARD GENERIC:
That was two there.
MARTHA GENERIC: No.
No.
That was the other.

That was 10.
HOWARD GENERIC: No.
Slow down.
MARTHA GENERIC: No.
50.

Well, get a calculator, Howard.

HOWARD GENERIC: OK.

-I hope Jackie likes
my monies, Roger.
I really miss playing with her.

[BARKING]

MARTHA GENERIC: Bobby.

Your father and I are
so proud of you, Hun.
-That's right, son.

Here.

Your first allowance.

-I'm rich. [GIGGLES]
I'm rich! [GIGGLES]
-Look Jackie.

I got monies.

-Mm.

That's nice Bobby.

-Want to play now?

-No.

Sorry Bobby.

I promised to play with Herbie.

-But I worked so hard
to get all these monies.
And Uncle Ted said.

-Sorry Bobby.

A promise is a promise.

-[ANGRILY] No fair!

-[CRYING] Bobby!

[CRYING]

--[PANTING] I'm in
big trouble, Widdly.
You got to hide me.

You got to. [SQUISH] Wait.

Maybe Mom won't find out.

Maybe she'll--

MARTHA GENERIC:
[STERNLY] Bobby Generic!
Get down here right
now, then yet.
[SNIFF]

[CRYING]

-Alright, Mr. Mansy.

What have I told you
time and time again?
To brush my teeth after I eat?

MARTHA GENERIC: No.

Never to hit a girl.

[DREAM HARPS]

-And now today's show,
boys who hit girls.
Our guests are King Kong,
[GROWL] Count Dracula, [WHOOSH]
and Bobby, who hit little
Jackie and made her cry.
-I didn't hit her.

I pushed her.

[BOO]

-Hitting and pushing are
the same thing, young man.
[CHEERS]

-I didn't mean to do it.

She made me mad!

-[BLOOP BLOO BLEEP] You women.

-Hey.

Didn't your mother teach
you that hitting is wrong?
-That's a good question.

Why don't we bring
her out and ask her.
Uh.

Bobby's mom.

[CLAPPING]

-Uh.

Th-- thank you.

-It seems our audience thinks
this is all your fault.
-Well, I did the best I could.

I tried to teach him
right from wrong.
But [CRYING] I'm
a terrible mother.
-No!

You're the bestiest.

She told me not to hit.

She said use your words, Bobby.

Not your gee golly hands.

I just didn't listen.

MARTHA GENERIC:
So let's see here.
You've learned a
lesson, young man?
-Yes!

I'll never do it again.

UNCLE TED: h* h*.

That's some haul, Bobbo.

-You were wrong about
having monies, Uncle Ted.
-What do you mean?

-I showed Jackie
all my new monies
and she didn't even care.

-[LAUGHING] No.

You don't show her your money.

You gotta buy her
something with it.
Girls like presents, Bobbo.

-Oh.

[BEEP]

[BEEP] [BEEP]

-OK, Mom.

Wait here.

I want to pick out Jackie's
presents by myself.
-Alright, Hun. [KISS] I'll
just keep an eye on you
from right here then.

-How come the more
grown up you feel,
the more your mom
treats you like a baby?
Uh-oh.

There sure is a lot of stuff.

How am I going to
know what to pick?
So many things to buy.

DOLL: [PSST] Hey there, big boy.

Aren't I the most beautiful
doll you ever saw?
-Yeah.

Jackie'll love you.

-What do you want a doll for?

They're no fun.

Take me!

[SWIRL]

-OK.

BALL: Forget them.

Take me.

Get a load of this.
[BOUNCE] [BOUNCE] [BOUNCE]
-Boring. [BEEP] Boring.

Boring.

Boring!

Take me, kid!

-Come on.

Baseball cards.

All-American.

-And it'll be $73.54.

-Here you are, Mister.

-CLERK: Oh.

That won't pay for
all these toys.
-It's money.

My dad gave it to me.

-Ah.

But it's not enough money.

BOBBY: It's all I got.

-Well, you can't
buy all these toys.
You'll have to choose.

-Pick me.

Come on.

-Choose me.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Which ones do I choose?

MARTHA GENERIC: Well, let's
have a look see here, Hun.
You've got your baseball
cards and your funny flem.
Which one is for Jackie?

-None of them.

-But I thought you went to the
store to buy her at present.
-I did.

But then I didn't.

Because this stuff
took all my monies.
I need more allowance, Mom.

Well, as soon as you
do some more chores,
then you'll get some more money.

BOBBY: But I need money now.

-You know, that's
the thing with money.
You just never seem to have
it when you gee golly need it.
Lesson for life, number two.

BOBBY: This money stuff
sure is complicated.
-Oh.

Don't feel bad, Hun.

Sometimes I don't
understand it, myself.
-Now I have no
monies, no present.
-Yeah.

You're in a pickle
alright, Bobbo.
-Yeah.

-Ah.

Pass the funny flem.

[CHILDREN VOICES]

-What's a matter, Bobby?

-I don't have anything to give
you to make you be my friend
again.

-You don't have to give
me anything, Bobby.
I like you just for you.

-You do?

-Absolutely.

[KISS] -Yuck!

I forgot about that part.

[SCREAM]

[GIGGLES]

-Come here, Bobby.

[GIGGLES]

[SCREAM]

[GIGGLES]

JACKIE: Come here, Bobby.

[GIGGLES]

-Well, Bobbo, that
was quite a show, huh?
-You can say that again.

-Well, Bobby, quite a show, huh?

-You can say that again.

-Well, Bobbo, that
was quite a show, huh?
-You can say that again.

-Well, Bobbo, that
was quite a show, huh?
-You can say that again.

HOWIE: Well, Bobbo, that
was quite a show, huh?
BOBBY: You can say that again.

HOWIE: Well, Bobbo, that
was quite a show, huh?
BOBBY: Roll the credits.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BLING]

[GIGGLES]

[MUSIC PLAYING]