03x13 - I Want My Mommy

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everyone.

Welcome to Bobby's World.

I'm Howie Mandel.

-And I'm Bobby.

-Is he a character or what?

-Well, that's the
way they draw me.
-You get it?

Boy, I'm really excited
about today's show.
I got kind of a tingling
going on inside.
-What'd you eat?

-Well, Bobby, I guess you know
what today's show's about.
-Of course, I know
what it's about.
I read the scripts.

-Well, then obviously, you know
it's the Mother's Day show.
-Uh-oh.

-What?

-I read the wrong script.

I thought this was the
show where I get a rash.
-Uh, no, Bobby.

Uh.

Well, uh, what are
we going to do?
OK.

Bobby, why don't you
run off now and learn
the script really fast?

And I-- I'll, uh, I'll,
uh-- I'll roll the credits.
And is the band ready?

Roll it.

[THEME MUSIC]

BOBBY: Soon, soon,
everyone will know
the name Bobby von Generic.

At last, the perfect
low calorie high fiber
breakfast in bed
for Mother's Day.
People will call out my name.

KELLY: Bobby!

-See.

That's what I mean.

KELLY: Ugh, what are you doing?

-I-- I-- I was making
breakfast in bed for Mom.
It's Mother's Day,
and I thought--
-Duh, like, forget much.

We're not making
breakfast in bed for Mom.
We're taking her out to
Magic Land for Mother's Day.
Now, Bobby, will you
please clean this up?
Or you're going to
be in big trouble.
-You shouldn't
make me mad, Kelly,
because you wouldn't
like me when I'm mad.
I turn into the Bulk.

No one can tell me what to do.

HOWARD: Clean up that
mess, young man, or you
won't go to Magic Land with us.

-Except my dad.

DEREK: Hey, you're sitting
in my chair, shrimp.
-Now, don't get me mad, Derek.

Because you wouldn't
like me when I'm mad.
DEREK: Why?

What are you going to do?

Cry?

-How'd he know?

-Derek, stop teasing
your brother.
Today is Mother's Day,
and I want your mother
to have a nice day
without any squabbling.
-Do you think he's had a
little too much coffee?
-Oh, my ears are buzzing.

-I'm getting pretty
gee-golly curious about where
you're taking me
for Mother's Day.
-We're pretty good at
keeping a secret, Mom.
I'm going to have some
Captain Squash cereal.
-Oh, hun, have some
of my fiber flapjacks
instead, why don't you?

-No.

I want Captain Squash cereal.

-Well, for cry eye
in the eye, Bobby,
why can't you eat what everyone
else in this family eats?
-Because he's not like
anybody else in this family.
Because he's a super dweeb.

Right, shrimp?

-Did you ever have
one of those days when
your family really
gets on your nerves?
[DOORBELL RINGS]

-Your car is all gassed up
and ready to go, Howard.
-Well, thanks, Ted.

That was really nice of you.

-Oh, no problem.

I used your credit card.

Charged some extra
snacks on it too.
BOBBY: Uncle Ted!

UNCLE TED: Hey, Bobb-o.

Come here.

I've got something for you.

Oh, time for noogies.

-I wish Uncle Ted gave
presents that cost money.
-Don't you worry, Martha.

I'll take good
care of the twins.
You just enjoy your
Mother's Day surprise.
-Oh, thanks a million, Ruth.

The kids are so gee-golly
lucky to have you as an aunt,
don't you know.

BOBBY: Well, thank you, Martha.

And I feel so privileged
taking care of the little ones.
MARTHA: You know there's plenty
of lunch meat in the fridge.
-Good, dear.

DEREK: OK, Mom.

Ready?

-OK.

Like, where we're taking you is
a total ultra-super surprise,
so you have to wear a blindfold.

OK.

-I am so excited, I could burst.

BOBBY: Look.

It's Tyrone.

Hi, Tyrone.

Who are those people he's with?

DEREK: Those are his parents.

-Well, why do they
look different?
-From what?

-From him.

-He's adopted.

-Adopted?

-That's what you are.

That's why you're
the only one who
doesn't like Mom's pancakes.

-It is.

MARTHA: Nah.

Nah.

Nah.

Don't listen to him, Bobb-o.

Let me explain what
being adopted means.
You see, a lot of times when
a guy and his wife can't--
MARTHA: Uh, Ted, Ted--

UNCLE TED: OK.

Forget that part, but, you
know, what adoption is,
is when you choose who
will be in your family.
-You get to pick your family.

-Yeah.

Sort of.

-Hey, look, Tyrone's
taking his mom
to Magic Land for
Mother's Day too.
-Oh, Magic Land!

You're taking me to Magic
Land for Mother's Day.
Well, knock me
over with a feather
and call me Yankee Doodle.

This is a dream come true.

-Bobby.

-Bobby.

Congratulations, Bobby.

You, like, did it again.

-You're always
wrecking surprises.
-Am not.

-Are to.

-Am not.
-Are to.
-Am not.
-Are to.
Are to.

Are to.

-Am not.

Am not.

-Bobby!

Just stop it.

-Is it me?

Or is everyone picking on me?

PARK ANNOUNCER [ON LOUDSPEAKER]:
Welcome to Mother's Day
at Five Flags over Magic
Land, the most important day
of the year.

That's why mothers get in free.

-Want to go with me on
the roller coaster, Mom?
-No.

I'll take you later, hun, when,
you know, the line is shorter,
you know.

-I want to go on the
roller coaster now.
-Bobby, stop acting this
way right now, young man.
-I can't help it.

I've got a rash.

-I'm warning you, Bobby.

-Uh-oh.

Wrong script.

-One more smart
remark like that,
and I am taking you home, Bobby.

-I want to be like Tyrone.

I want to pick the
family that makes
me happy, because
this family bites it.
Where am I going to
find a new family.
I'm going to adopt a new family,
one that's nicer than this one.
But where am I
going to get them?
PARK ANNOUNCER [ON
LOUDSPEAKER]: Welcome
to the salute to family values
pavilion, where we celebrate
the traditions and habits
of the American family
as reflected on television.

-That's a squeeze.

-Wow.

Maybe I should get a TV family.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the ticket.

RIDE ANNOUNCER [ON SPEAKER]:
One of television's most popular
families was "Leave
It To Beaver."
-Wow.

Now, this could be
the family for me.
[APPLAUSE]

-Beaver, want to
come down here, son?
-Uh, uh, gee, sure, Dad.

-Do you have an explanation
for this, young man?
-Uh, uh, gee, sure.

I-- I bought candy
with the money
I was going to use to buy
your Mother's Day present.
So I, uh, I made this from
junk around the house.
-Some of this junk is priceless.

Those earrings are heirlooms
from my grandmother.
-Beaver, is there something
you want to say to your mother?
-Uh, gee, uh, sure.

Mom, what does
dad do for living?
He's always hanging
around the house.
[LAUGHTER]

-No, Beaver.

I mean about the earrings.

-Uh, uh, gee.

Sure.

Sorry, Mom.

Guess you are going
to punish me and junk.
-Beaver, I think the guilt
you feel is punishment enough.
-Can you believe that, Bobb-o?

Some weird family, huh.

-Yeah.

I wouldn't want
to live with them.
I'd hate being called
"Beaver" all the time.
-Ooh.

Look what's coming up.

I love these single
parent shows.
BOBBY: You know, Mom, I don't
care what anybody else says,
you have great family values.

What does that mean?

REPORTER 1: Hey.

Hey, there she is.

It's Mommy Brown and her kid.

What's his name?

REPORTER 2: Hey, Paul.

Get a picture of Mommy Brown
and the kid, what's his name.
REPORTER 1: Mommy
Brown, Mommy Brown.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Over here.

REPORTER 1: Mommy Brown.

-I'm Bobby.

-Is it true that
you're doing an expose
of the Girl Scouts, Mommy Brown?

-Well, yeah, sure.

You know, why can't girls
join the gee-golly Boy
Scouts or my son
join the Girl Scouts?
REPORTER 3: Hey, Mommy Brown's
kid, what do you think?
You want to be a Girl Scout?

-My name is Bobby.

And I'm not sure.

-Of course, you do.

You're a Brown.

You're the son of a famous
investigative reporter.
It'll make a great story.

You'll go under cover.

Here, put this on.

REPORTER 3: Hey, Hey.

Get a picture of this.

-No.

No.

I don't like being the
son of a famous person.
I'd rather be a famous person.

I'd rather be-- uh, uh.

I'd rather be a Conehead.

Never mind.

I don't want to be a Conehead.

UNCLE TED: Who said
anything about Coneheads?
I said "cone."

Do you want an ice cream
cone after the ride?
Come on, boy.

Let's go hit the snack bar.

-I changed my mind.

I don't want another family.

I like my family.

I'm a Generic.

I'll always be a Generic.

Uncle Ted?

Uncle Ted?

Mom?

Dad?

Kelly?

Derek?

Where is everybody?

I take my wish back.

I don't want another family.

I want my family.
[GULP] But they're gone.
SECURITY GUARD: What seems
to be the problem, son?
-I wished my family away.

-That's rich.

Not likely.

I'm Security Guard Meeker.

And this is my partner,
Security Guard Snerd.
-That's with one S. Son, we've
determined by your wet eyes,
vacant gaze, and general
disoriented demeanor--
SECURITY GUARD: That you fall
under Section L-12 of the Theme
Park Security Guard
Manual, lost child.
-Read him his rights.

-OK.

Let me find my little card here.

Oh, here it is.

Now then, son, you
have the right to cry.
You have the right to snivel.

You have the right
to wet your pants.
SECURITY GUARD: For your
safety and the safety of those
around you, while we
look for your mother,
you can wait here in
the lost kids pen.
-You're going up
the river, angel.
-Boy.

This place is crowded.

-What'd you expect.

It's Mother's Day.

Did you get your mom a present?

-Well, I was kind
of mad at my mom.
-What do you think,
you're the only kid
here mad at his family.

-Hey, Joey, Duke,
Vito, come here.
Duke here made a
nice earring holder
doohickey out of uncooked
macaroni for his mother.
Did she appreciate it?

No.

-She didn't even
know what it was.
-And Joey, here, gave his mother
mustache wax for Mother's Day.
-I got one hairy mother.

-I was going to make
breakfast in bed for my mom.
-That's what I was going to do.

-Let me guess.

You made a mess in the
kitchen, and your whole family
turned on you, right?

Hey, how many of
yous tried to make
a breakfast for your mother.

KIDS: Yeah.

-Yeah, you try to
do something nice,
and what do you get in return?

Rules.

Like don't make a mess.

-Yeah.

And wash behind your ears.

-Yeah.

And stop hitting your sister.

-Shave the dog.

I got a hairy dog.

-Mothers.

Who needs them?

-Well, I-- I-- I don't know.

I'd sure hate to live in a world
where there weren't any moms.
NARRATOR: Imagine a
world without mothers.
Too horrible to watch, too
unimaginable to imagine.
It's the Invasion of
the Mommy Snatchers.
-It's too scary to think
of a world without moms.
So here's a short song
about a world without moms.
[SINGING] This is a short song
about a world without moms.
-Joey.

-Vito.

-Duke.

-Oh, there's my baby.

-Mommy loves you, Duke.

Baby, Mommy loves you.

-Sorry.

We changed our minds.

-Got to go.

Our moms are here.

-Me too.

The hairy one's my mom.

MOM: Oh, I love that face.

-Well, kid, it looks like
it's just you and me.
-But I was kind of hoping
my mom would be here by now.
MARTHA: Bobby, over here, hun.

It's Mom don't you know.

-I want my mother.

I think I'm going to throw up.

BOBBY: Mom, am I
glad to see you.
I thought I wished you away,
but then I was only lost.
And we were going
to riot and make
Mother's Day into Kid's Day.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

You're fine and comfy.

You're all right now.

I found you, and
we're back together.
-It's a beautiful moment.

Hold me, Meeker.

-You know, we must reunite
a thousand kids a day
with their moms, but it
still gets me right here.
[BURP]

-Hey, hey, have a
looksy right here.
I found Bobby.

-What happened to you.

Where'd you go?

Where was he?

PARK ANNOUNCER [ON
LOUDSPEAKER]: Attention, kids.
It's time for the
Best Mom at Five
Flags Over Magic Land Contest.

If you think your mom
deserves to be chosen the best
mom in the park today,
come on up and tell us why.
Who wants to come up first?

KIDS: Pick me.

-Can I go up, Mom?

Can I?

Huh?

Huh?

-Oh, well, that's sweet, hun.

But are you sure you want to?

Uncle Ted told me you were
pretty upset with the family.
-I didn't want to
rat on you, Bobby,
but they promised me a corn dog.

-Please, Mom.

I want to.

I really do.

-Ah, there's a volunteer.

Come on up here, young man.

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

-I've been in this
theme park for 15 hours.
Many people said I had a
bad break when I got lost,
but I learned
something, that I've
got the bestest mom
in the whole world.
So today, I consider
myself the luckiest kid
on the face of the earth.

There isn't anything my mom
wouldn't do for our family.
Even when she's really
tired, and I wake her up
with a nightmare,
she comes in my room
to scare all the monsters
away, because she looks
scary with those curlers
and that crusty stuff
that she has in her
eyes when she sleeps.
And she really
cares about us kids,
even when we don't know it.

Like Kelly, she doesn't know Mom
watches her through the window
when she kisses
George good night
to make sure there's no tongue.

-[WHISPERING] Mom,
how could you?
-And my mom can
do amazing stuff,
like drive a car
from the back seat.
That's what my dad says.

MARTHA: Howard, you think
I'm a back seat driver?
How come you never told me?

-Well, well, actually Martha--

BOBBY: And she can
clean my face with spit.
-Oh, for the love of--

-And she can get Derek to do
his homework without nagging.
She just hides his
skateboard and tells him
she doesn't know where it is.

-That's not fair.

-Oh, Bobby's really
giving it to you guys.
BOBBY: And as hard as my mom
works, she never complains.
Like when Uncle Ted
has gas in the den,
she doesn't say anything.

She just opens the window.

-Hey, that's a condition.

-So in clusion, I don't
want a new family.
I'm keeping the one I got,
because my mom's the bestest.
PARK ANNOUNCER [ON
LOUDSPEAKER]: Thanks
for coming to our special
Mother's Day celebration,
and don't forget to
come back and celebrate
Arbor Day with us, the most
important day there is.
-Gee, Mom.

I'm sorry I got
everybody mad at you.
MARTHA: Ah, it's OK, Bobby.

It's part of being a gee
willikers mom, don't you know.
-It is.

-Oh, you bet it is.

Because moms are tough.

We give our whole heart
and self to raising
our kids with love
no matter what.
And there's a lot of
"no matter whats."
Like getting up in the middle of
the night when you're dog tired
and your kid's throwing up
because he ate a lot junk
you told him not to
eat in the first place.
Or when you're cleaning up
some goo that moments before
was your best tuna casserole.

Just remember, good
moms never fade away.
They just work their
fingers to the bone.
-Boy, that was motional, Mom.

-I'm sorry, Mom.

-Yeah, I'm probably
in on those apologies.
-OK.

OK.

All right.

Put a sock in it.

Stomp it out already.

You know, I have to say.

This has turned out to be the
golly sakes, bar none, no take
backs, most wonderful
Mother's Day I've ever had.
-Great.

Now, I can start
practicing my speech
for the Father's Day contest.

-Oh no, no, no, no.

That's OK, Bobby.

That's really-- you
see, I'd rather have,
what, breakfast in bed.

-A tie.

HOWARD: A tie is good.

MARTHA: They store well.

-Well, everybody.

Thanks for joining
us on today's show.
-You're welcome.

-Not you.

Them.

Wow.

Today's Mother's Day show
really gave me a good feeling.
You feel good, Bobby?

-No.

I have a rash.

-No.

That's the wrong script.

He keeps sticking with
that-- that rash script.
No.

BOBBY: No.

Look.

I really have a rash.

-Oh.

He's got-- well,
uh, see you later.
-If I'm not too chafed.

-What did you touch?

[THEME MUSIC]