04x01 - The Hero

[bunniefuu]

-Hello, everyone.

-Hello, everyone.

-Bobby, I'm talking to them.

-Fine.

Goodbye.

-Uh, Bobby, you
don't have to-- you
don't have to leave in a huff.

We, uh, you got
a party to go to!
Bobby, we've got-- we've
got to entertain the people.
OK?

-All right, Howie.

-Hello, everyone.

-Hi.

-Uh, I was talking to them.

-Oh, fine.

Fine!

-Roll the credits.

[THEME MUSIC]

-Oh, for the love of my Bobby.

You're gonna be late for
Gretchen's birthday party,
so hurry up and stop
playing with your food
there, now, then, yet.

-I think my food's
playing with me.
-Bobby, are you being fresh?

-I smell fresh.

-Oh, for Herbert Hoover.

Bobby, don't go making
a mess like this
when you're at Gretchen's house.

You know how highstrung
her mother is.
Now turn around and let me see
how you look in your new shoes.
Aw, you're just a little
fashion play, don't ya know?
-I am?

-And next we have
Bobby, modeling
the hottest look for spring.

A fabulous shirt
and pants outfit,
a pair of socks that match,
and a breathtaking pair
of brand new shoes.

And don't you forget now, young
man, this is the first time
you'll be going to a
birthday party by yourself,
so I want you to remember, be
careful with your new shoes.
Be polite, don't s
don't spill, don't run,
and, uh, don't forget to
wash your hands when you go.
Uh, don't wipe your
nose on your sleeve.
RADIO: Police report they
have no leads in last night's
disappearance of a baby named
Jenny from her parents' home
on Elm Street.

-Gretchen lives on
Elm Street, Mom.
-Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's another thing.

Don't talk to strangers.

And don't go wandering
off by yourself.
And whatever you do,
don't ruin your new shoes.
Now be good, and have fun.

-Ow.

MARTHA: And don't
step in any puddles!
-Puddles?

PUDDLE: Oh, come to me, Bobby.

You've got nothing to lose.

-Huh?

-He's got the water.

You've got the shoes.

-It keeps calling to me.

What can I say?

-I just want you to
come in and play.
-But why?

-A boy and a puddle.

It's the American way.

-Oh.

OK.

I'll just step to the
edge, with only my toe.
-See?

A boy to a puddle
can never say no.
-[SINGING] Splash,
splash in that water.
Kick one foot, stomp the other.

Splash, splash, splash
that water, now.
-Splash, splash, on the double.

You'll never get in trouble.

So splash, splash,
splash that water now!
-If you got the blues--

-Yeah?

-Come and soak your shoes.

-OK.

-There's so much fun in store.

-And what else is a puddle for?

-So splash, splash,
in that puddle.
-A little, and--

-Watch that mud.

Splash!

It's gonna splash!

Gonna splash!

All over you!

-If I roll my pants,
I can take a chance.
-There's nothing
wrong with dirt.
-And what's a little
water gonna hurt?
-So splash, splash
in that puddle.
-A little oomph!

-Watch that puddle splash!

It's gonna splash!

Its gonna splash!

-Splash, splash a little.

-Splash!

So splash, splash in that water.

-Kick one foot--

-Stomp the other!

-Splash, splash, splash, spl

-Yeah!

Splash, splash, splash, splash!

-Yeah!

-Splash, splash,
splash the puddle now!
-This is way more
fun than a party.
But the fun is ending
fast, I must confess.
-Cause don't look now,
but the shoes are a mess!
-Uh-oh.

Am I in trouble?

Wow!

Look at that!

This is great.

WOMAN: Bobby Generic!

-That's Derek.

-I know you're out there.

-Uh-oh.

It's Gretchen's mom.

There's no Bobbys out here!

-Are you being fresh, mister?

-Is there something
they're not telling me?
I

-Now, you get in here
right now, young man!
[GIGGLING]

-Jared!

Don't throw that!

Lauren, not on my couch.

Not my curtains, please!

Please!

Arthur, don't drop the dip.

[SCREAM] Not on my white carpet!

All right, that does it.

The party's over.

You're all out of here!

-Uh-oh.

Now I'm really in trouble.

-How could you make
such a gee golly mess
in somebody else's
house like that?
Oh, I am so ashamed.

We'll just have to
move, that's all.
And on top of everything else,
you went and ruined your shoes.
Do you have any idea
how much new shoes cost?
-And what's your bid on the shoe
my lovely assistant Holly is
holding, Bobby?

-Uh-- uh-- $0.07?

-Higher!

-Higher!

-Higher!

-Uh, uh, um-- a million dollars?

[SHOUTING]

-Lower!

-Lower!

-Lower!

-Um-- a fortune?

-You're right, Bobby!

And you win a fabulous,
all expenses paid trip to--
-I'll tell you exactly where
you're going, young man.
You're going to your room.

And you're gonna stay there
until your father comes home.
And if that doesn't
frost ya, he trapes mud
all over Gretchen's
mother's new white carpet.
-I did not trapsed.

[DOORBELL]

-Freeze!

Just kidding.

Good evening, sir.

We're policemen.

-You k*ll me, Snoot.

-Thank you, mister.

We're here on a
10-12, Mr. Generic.
-Generic.

-Fair enough.

10-4.

-OK.

-Generic.

-Could you identify
this as your son's shoe?
-Whoa.

Getting new shoes dirty is a
bigger problem than I thought.
Uh-oh.

What's gonna happen to me now?

-Is this a positive ID on your
son's footwear, Mrs. Generic?
-Generic.

-OK.

-Generic.

-Oh, there's his nametag.

Oh, Howard, look at this shoe.

It's just ruined.

-Bobby, you get down here now!

-Now, now, don't be
too hard on the boy.
After all, he is a hero.

-They're hard to
come by, mister.
-A hero?

-Bobby?

-Yep.

Found baby Jenny
crawling along Elm Street
at a northwesterly direction
clutching this shoe.
You know, your boy
must have saved her,
and didn't even
wait for the reward.
-Well, that's a big 10-4.

And we're here to see that
your boy Robert, aka Bobby,
gets exactly what's
coming to him.
-His comeuppance.

-Wait!

I can explain!

-Oh--

-Bobby.

I had no idea.

-I'm so proud.

-My son!

My son!

-He's mine, too.

-You're not mad?

-Mad?

Oh, Bobby-- don't be silly.

-Parents can be very
confusing people sometimes.
MARTHA: Here's
mister number one.
HOWARD: All right,
everybody just act natural.
I'm gonna capture it
the way it happens.
MARTHA: I can't.

I just can't.

HOWARD: Just--
pretend I'm not even--
-Yeah, right.

-OK, now where--
where's our little hero?
There you are.

Now tell us exactly
what happened, son.
-I-- I, I was just playing
around, and-- and--
-Oh, Howard.

Don't you just love how
modest our Bobby is?
That's the sign of a
real hero, don't ya know?
I got a tear brewing here.

-Martha, what do you
say we give Bobby
a special treat for being
such a great little guy?
-Oh, Howard, that is a
wonderful gee golly idea.
How about-- how
about we let him stay
up way past his bedtime tonight.

Is that wild?

-Wow.

Maybe I'm gonna like
this being a hero stuff.
-But you're not a
hero, are you, Bobby?
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

-Well, I know,
Captain Squash, but--
-Hey, hey, hey.

Baby, boopie, don't let your
shorts get in a twist, OK?
Don't listen to
the big bed sheet.
So you'll enjoy staying
up late tonight.
Then you'll tell them
the truth in the morning.
-Don't listen to him, Bobby.

Tell your parents the truth
now, because if you don't--
HOWARD: The mayor is going to
give you the keys to the city.
He just called us.

He just called us.

He heard how you
saved Baby Jenny.
And now he wants to
honor you by giving
you the keys to the whole city.

I can't believe this.

-Keys to the city?

-Of course we can't accept
an honor we don't deserve.
That would be a really
cheesey thing to do,
wouldn't it, Bobby?

-Oh, please, please,
please, lighten up, Squash.
The kid never actually
said he was a hero.
Did you, kid?

-No, but I--

-Oh, Squash.

-Oh, yeah?

[SHOUTING]

HOWARD: Wait a minute, Bobby.

You haven't heard
the best part yet.
The key to the city is five
pounds of solid chocolate.
Huh?

-Hey.

I'm a kid.

How am I supposed to turn
down five pounds of chocolate?
-This is Tricia
Honda, reporting live
from the home of Bobby Generic.

-That's Generic.

-Ah.

The brave little boy who
singlehandedly saved tiny baby
Jenny.

Do you have a few
words for us, Bobby?
How does it feel to be a hero?

-How do I feel?

-One lie always
leads to another.
t doesn't feel good,
does it, Bobby?
-Forget him.

We're on national TV here.

Play your cards right,
kid, and maybe we
can get our own talk show.

-Don't listen to him, Bobby.

Remember what happened
to Dennis Miller?
-Dennis who?

-My point exactly.

-Well, Bobby, what
do you have to say?
How are you enjoying
being a hero?
-Every-- everybody
leave me alone!
-Well, it all started
when I taught Bobby
that in an emergency
you always call 411.
-Uh, you mean 911, don't you?

-Yeah.

I knew that 911 right here.

-That Ted.

He's a real stitch.

-So, uh, sum it
up for us, Dross.
-Well, you see, it's a
little bit like pie, here.
You take your baby,
you take your Bobby.
-I'm Ted Tupple.

Tonight, the story of
a boy who saved a baby
and won the heart of an nation.

Bobby Generic.

All I can say is he must be
one excited little guy tonight.
-I'm so proud of Bobby,
I could bust my buttons.
-Know something, Martha?

We're lucky, lucky parents to
have such a brave, honest son.
-This is making me feel bad.

I gotta tell them the truth.

-Bobby--

-Stupid move, kid!

Tell your folks the
truth, and you'll
blow your shot at
meeting the president.
-The president?

How would I get to meet him?

-Oh, don't you know anything?

Heroes always get to
meet the president.
-But you're not a hero, Bobby.

-And nobody needs
to know that but us.
-Yeah.

Pleased to meet
you, Mr. Pres-- no.
Pleased to meet--
Pleased to meet you.
No.

Pleased to-- pleased
to-- pleased to meet you,
Mr. President.

Um--

-I just want to say that
it's a pleasure and an honor
to be able to shake the hand
of this wonderful, truthful,
honest and brave
citizen, Captain Squash.
-President didn't wanna meet me.

Cause I'm not a hero.

I'm not a hero.

I'm not a hero.

Didn't wanna meet me.

Mom!

Dad!

There's something
I gotta tell ya!
-Honey, there's something Dad
and I want to tell you first.
-That's right.

That's right.

We're so proud.

We are.

We are, of what you did,
son, that we bought you
another, even nicer
pair of shoes, huh?
-It doesn't matter
how much it cost.
-When will this end?

I wanna tell Mom and Dad the
truth, but evey time I try to,
they do something
else nice for me.
It makes them so happy
thinking I'm a hero.
I wish Ireally was one.

That's it!

That's how I can tel the truth.

-This is great news, Bobbo.

Because you're such a
hero, the Elephant Lodge
picked you to be
boy of the year!
You get a free lunch, a swell
plaque, and, uh-- and, uh--
-And what, Uncle Ted?

-A trip to Magic Land.

-Magic Land?

I always wanted to go there
more than any other place
in the whole world.

-Hey Bobbo, where you going?

-I've gotta be a hero
by lunch, Webbley.
That way I can go to Magic
Land, and everything will be OK.
It's OK.

Mom says guest toels are
for special occasions.
And what is more specialer
than being a hero?
It is I, Bobby the Hero!

-That was really stupid, Bobby.

It took me half an
hour to get that high.
Thanks a lot.

-Sorry.

Guess I better try and
save somebody else.
What am I gonna do?

It's almost lunch and
I'm still not a hero.
Run, Kelly!

I'll save you!

I'm a real hero now!

-Bobby.

Like, is there a reason
you are attacking my date?
-'Cause he's a vampire
who was biting your neck!
-Bobby Generic.

Are you out of your cranium?

Didn't I tell you the
guest towels are only
for gee golly special occasions?

-I know, mom, but I
have to have a cape,
'cause I needed to be
a hero, and I, uh--
HOWARD: Martha.

You're not gonna believe this.

I-- I got a bonus at work for
being the father of a hero.
Nice going.

Bob-O. Here's a fiver.

-Attention lodge members!

Ahem.

[SINGING] Because an elephant
never forgets a friend.
-Are you all right, hun?

-Well, mom, I really need
to tell you something.
-Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Later.

They're about to
start, don't ya know?
-My fellow elephants.

[TRUMPETING]

I welcome you to our annual
Boy of the Year award ceremony.
This year, I am proud
to say that the award
goes to one of our very own.

It goes to my son,
Bobby Generic.
-Oh, oh!

-I just wanna say that my Bobby
is one terrific little guy.
I just-- I just can't tell
you how proud I am of him.
-Well, I-- Well, for
corn's sakes, I sure can.
[COUGH] Is this thing on?

Our Bobby is just the best
little boy in the world.
-That's right.

-Ah huh.

And-- and he's a bona
fide hero, don't ya know?
And-- And he's
brave, and he's good,
and oh, our son is
honest and truthful.
Honest and truthful.

Honest and truthful.

-And so, on behalf of the
Royal Order of the Elephant,
I hereby present you with this
all expense paid trip for four
to Magicland, and in
addition, I bestow on you
the honor of becoming Royal
Elephant Prince of the Year.
-I-- Don't.

Don't clap for me.

No.

I-- I-- I didn't do it.

I didn't save baby Jenny.

I just-- I just losted my shoe.

Everybody said I was a hero,
but I didn't know how to say
I wasn't, and I fee-- and I
feel really, really, really bad.
[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING]

They don't love me anymore,
'cause I'm not a hero.
MARTHA: Oh, honey,
that's not true.
Darn certainly sure
you're our hero there now.
Telling the truth in
front of that whole lodge
took a lot of courage.

-Yeah, good move, Bob-O,
but personally I would've
waited until after I
got back from Magicland.
Oh, I almost forgot.

They're letting
you keep the hat.
-We're real proud of you, son.

-So, does that mean I can
still go to Magicland?
-No, but skin me
alive, I don't see
why we can't all go to
Ponyworld next week.
-Ponyworld?

Really?

Now there's a place a guy
could really mess up his shoes.
-Wow, that was the best
show I have ever seen.
-Didn't you learn anything
from today's show, Howie?
-Yes.

To always tell the truth.

-So?

-Oh, I-- I see.

Um, that was a good show,
and I hope everybody had fun.
-That's better.

Don't you feel good now
that you were honest?
-Yeah.

What can I say?

-Say goodbye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]