04x04 - Bobby Ties the Knot

[bunniefuu]

-I'm so excited.

Hi, Bobby.

Today's show is good.

Tell them about it.

-You know more words than me.

You tell them.

-[INAUDIBLE], it's your show.

You're the star.

That's why they call

it "Bobby's World."

-That's my name.

[GIGGLING]

But you tell them.

-You.

-You.

-You.

-You.

-OK.

Linda [INAUDIBLE]

will tell them.

Linda?

-Hello.

My name is Linda [INAUDIBLE].

And the show is good.

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

-You know, norma-- sometimes

we say if we can just

make one person laugh,

we've done our job.

I think we've-- done

more than our job.

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

[THEME MUSIC]

[BRIDAL CHORUS SONG]

-Ew, yuck!

[GAGGING]

[INAUDIBLE]

MARTHA GENERIC: Oh, Bobby, for

corn sakes, shush it up now,

hun.

I'm trying to watch my favorite

soap opera here then now yet,

don't ya know?

MILLIE [ON TV]: Bob.

-Millie.

-Oh, this is why I watch.

MILLIE [ON TV]: You're the

cream in my coffee, Bob.

-You're the cherry

on my Sunday, Millie.

MILLIE [ON TV]: You, Bob,

are the gravy on my meatloaf.

[MOAN]

BOB [ON TV]: Millie.

-Yuck!

-Oh, Bobby, what's wrong?

-Kissing's yucky.

Why do they always have to kiss?

-Because they're in love, Bobby.

-What's in love, Mom?

-Well, hun, being in love

is a warm, fuzzy feeling.

It's wanting to be with

your special somebody

to take long walks in

the woods with them.

-Like Red Riding Hood

and the Big Bad Wolf?

MARTHA GENERIC: Well--

[CHUCKLE]

Not exactly, Bobby.

It's more like when

Dad and I first met.

I had butterflies in my stomach

and goosebumps on my arms.

[BELCH]

VOLCANO: Excuse me.

[BIRD CRYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[LAUGHING]

-Ahem.

You beautiful.

Make me feel crazy.

Ugh.

[SIGH]

[QUACKING]

-Ah, me feel

[INAUDIBLE] crazy, too.

Mmwa.

BOBBY: Yuck!

And that's love?

-Mmm, that's love.

Having somebody you

look up to-- there's

nothing like it in

the whole world.

[SCREAM]

-Do not mention that

word in front of me.

-What word?

-Love.

Bobby!

[GIGGLING]

-Oh, my eldest here now.

What's wrong, hun?

Tell Mom.

-George-- he dumped me.

[SOBBING]

-Oh, honey, let's

clean you up now.

Here.

[SOBBING]

-Like, I totally gave him

the best months of my life.

Like, he even met my parents.

-Is meeting parents

part of love?

[SOBBING]

-Like, duh, Bobby.

It's like the most

important part.

-Oh.

-I'll show that no-brain creep,

lower than a serpent's belly,

I don't need him!

[SCREAMING]

-Bobby, look at the time.

Easy, Kel.

Better get ready for bed.

Tomorrow's a school

day, don't ya know?

-That means Kelly's

going to use words

Mom doesn't want me to hear.

-And here's Bobby, the

amazing climbing man.

[GROAN]

Ta-da!

MARTHA GENERIC: I hope you're

getting ready for school

and not climbing on

the furniture, Bobby!

-How come Moms always know

what you're doing, especially

when you're doing

something wrong?

[GROANING]

This one over this one.

Wait.

This one over this one.

Go-- go under, go around, go in,

big loop over, big loop over.

I sa-- I said big loop over.

Bi-- big loop go over!

[ARABIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

[GIGGLING]

MARTHA GENERIC: Bobby Generic!

You've been up here all this

time, and you're still bare?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

-Hey--

[GIGGLING]

[INAUDIBLE]

CLASSMATE: After me!

CLASSMATE: That's mine.

No, come on.

-I'm crazy about you, Bobby.

That's why going to kiss you.

-No!

Yuck!

Yee-uck!

JACKIE: I'm going

to get you, Bobby.

Get down.

[SCREAMING]

Get down.

The-- uh!

[INAUDIBLE]

[SCREAMING]

-Mmwa.

CLASSMATE: Get him, Jackie.

-Yuck.

MS MILLER: Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on here?

-Uh, uh, it's not my fault.

Uh, yea-- yeah,

it's Jackie's fault.

She was--she was

trying to kiss me.

[CHUCKLE]

-Better get used to it.

Things like that happen

to cute boys like you.

[GIGGLE]

-I'm cute?

-Now, class, Mrs.

[INAUDIBLE] is sick today.

I'm Ms. Miller.

And I'll be your

substitute teacher.

-She's pretty.

-What's wrong with you, Bobby?

You're acting really weird.

-Am not.

-Now who'd like to

volunteer to build

an electric milk carton city?

-Electric milk carton city?

I do, I do, I do!

Ow!

BOBBY: Mrs. Miller!

I can't-- I can't 'member

if the [INAUDIBLE]

this way or this way.

-Now, why don't you come up

here and be my special helper?

And we'll figure

it out together.

-OK.

MS MILLER: See how

they flow, Bobby?

Almost like they have

their own rhythm.

[TANGO MUSIC]

-Whoa!

Oh!

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

-Now children, it isn't

nice to make fun of Bobby.

After all, we all have

trouble doing something.

Now watch carefully, Bobby.

This is how it's done.

Now you try.

-I don't know if I can.

I've got gooseflies in my

stomach and butter bumps

on my arms and--

[GASP]

Uh-oh.

-I had butterflies in my stomach

and goosebumps on my arms.

-That's love.

MS MILLER: You did it, Bobby.

I knew you could.

-Gadzooks!

I think I'm in love.

Now what do I do?

KELLY: I just, like, totally

could not believe it,

but it's the truth--

BOBBY: Kelly?

Kelly?

-Melody.

And Melody told Tiffany

that Cindy saw--

-Kelly?

-At the mall with--

-Kelly?

Kelly?

-[ANGRILY] Bobby, what?

-I have a new teacher,

and she's really pretty!

-Bobby, I fail to see what

this has to do with George.

BOBBY: Look, Mommy.

She taught me how

to tie my shoes.

-Oh.

Well, you win the

prize today, Bobby.

[SIGH]

-Like, excuse me?

-Sorry Kelly.

KELLY: OK.

OK.

So, like, when Cindy

saw George at the mall--

BOBBY: And I got choosed to

make an electric [INAUDIBLE]

milk carton city

for school, Dad.

-Oh, that's nice, son.

When are you supposed

to have it done?

BOBBY: Tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[WHACKING]

-I shoulda used

the good scissors.

[GULPING]

[GROANING]

[LAPPING]

[BELCH]

[WHACKING]

-Yo-howow!

Now that's a bruise.

Oh, it's swelling.

MARTHA GENERIC: Wake up, Bobby.

Look.

-Once you finish a project,

it sure feels good.

[SIGH]

CLASSMATES: Wow!

CLASSMATE: Who did this?

CLASSMATE: This is great.

-Why, I bet this

will be the highlight

of our school open house.

I can't wait to meet

your parents, Bobby.

-She wants to meet my parents.

Yep, this is love all right.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Ms. Miller?

I wrote this letter

especially for you.

-Thank you.

It's a beautiful letter, Bobby.

I love it.

-It's them!

They're here!

-Hey, Bobby.

-[INAUDIBLE].

-Hi.

Now don't be scared.

They're really going

to like you a lot.

-Bobby's such a sweet boy.

-And he thinks you're the bee's

knees, if you know what I mean.

[CHUCKLING]

[SCREAM]

JACKIE: I know what's

going on, Bobby.

You don't really love her.

It's just a crush.

Lots of kids get crushes

on their teachers.

It'll pass.

-Uh, no!

This is really, truly love.

-I am the only woman for you.

Someday you'll realize that.

-No!

I will love Ms. Miller 'til

the cows come into the house.

Ah.

-I'll wait.

[DOOR SLAMMING]

BOBBY: Dad, when people are

in love, what do they do?

-Well, they get

married, don't ya know?

-Yep.

They do the old wedding thing.

I remember when your

mom and I tied the knot.

She was all in white.

And I walked her

down the in tails.

-Are you sure

that's what happens?

You have to walk down

an aisle in a tail?

[WEDDING CHORUS SONG]

MARTHA GENERIC: And after

that, you know what happens?

You move into your

very first home?

[YAWN]

-You do?

BOBBY: Hi, Ms. Miller,

honey, I'm home.

-Ow!

Bobby dear, could we

raise the roof tonight?

-I'll get to that Saturday.

That's what Dads always say

when Moms ask them to do stuff.

-Oh, where are you

going, Bobby dearest?

BOBBY: To play trucks.

-Busy married people don't

play trucks, honey dear.

-Then what do they do?

-I don't know.

They do grown-up

stuff like pay bills,

and take out the garbage,

and have really bad gas.

[CRASH]

-But I don't wanna.

I don't wanna.

I don't wanna!

I don't wanna!

UNCLE TED: Sorry, Bobbo!

But you got to get up.

-Ah!

Uncle Ted?

-Your Mom's going to take

the twins for a checkup,

so I'm driving you to school.

-Oh, oh.

What do you think about

getting married, Uncle Ted?

-Well, uh, a guy's gotta

be really careful, Bobbo.

If it doesn't work

out, you end up

having to give her

half your stuff.

-Half my stuff?

[CRASH]

Uncle Ted!

-Ready, Bobbo?

Let's go.

[CHILDREN LAUGHING AND PLAYING]

-I'm gonna get you, Bobby.

-Missed me.

You missed me.

-You could never have this

much fun with Ms. Miller.

She doesn't love you like I do.

-She does too, Jackie.

-She's just using you.

-Is not.

-Is too.

-Is not.

-Is too.

BOBBY: Is not.

-Is too.

BOBBY: Is not.

-Is too.

BOBBY: Is not.

-Is too infinity,

infinity, infinity.

BOBBY: Is not.

Is not.

BOBBY: Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Is not.

Not!

[BONK]

MS MILLER: Oh, there

you are, Bobby.

I have a special

project just for you.

[SPIT]

[GIGGLING]

[POUNDING ERASERS TOGETHER]

[COUGHING]

-This isn't a very

good special project.

What if Jackie's right?

What if Ms. Miller

doesn't really love me?

What if she wants someone

just to clean her erasers?

And if I don't

clean them right, is

she gonna get mad and want half

my stuff like Uncle Ted said?

I gotta get out of this

being in love stuff.

And I will!

Just as soon as

I figure out how.

[SOBBING]

-Oh, Millie.

[SOBBING]

-Oh, Bob.

-Oh, Bob.

-What Kelly?

[GASP]

Gets her every time.

[GIGGLE]

Kelly, what did George say

to you when he dumped you

and let you for that

girl he met in the mall?

[SCREAMING AND SOBBING]

What do I say?

[DOOR SLAMMING]

[SIGH]

How am I gonna break

up with Ms. Miller?

BOB [ON TV]: It's over

between us, Millie.

-It is?

[GASP]

-It can't be over, Bob.

-Millie, you have burned

a hole in my heart,

and I must extinguish the flame.

-Stinkish the frame?

-I'm leaving you,

Millie, and there's

nothing you can do about it.

-Then I hope you have a will.

[g*nshots]

BOB [ON TV]: Millie--

[g*nsh*t]

BOB [ON TV]: No!

[g*nshots]

-Uh-oh.

That song is right.

Breaking up is hard to do.

[DOORBELL]

I'll get it.

George?

-Hey, dude, what's happening?

Is Kelly, like, in the casa?

-Huh?

-In the crib?

In the casa?

Come on, talk to me.

Don't leave me hanging.

-What?

-Is Kelly home?

-Yeah.

-When then--

[CHUCKLE]

Then, like, tell her I'm here.

-Kelly!

It's that no-brain creep, lower

than a serpent's belly, George.

Kelly said you were the

last of the ancient geeks.

Is that really true?

-Ah!

[DOG BARKING]

KELLY: George!

George?

Wait, wait!

Like, totally wait!

[GIGGLING]

-Oh.

-And you, my little

mansie, can stay here

until you learn how to behave.

[DOOR SLAMMING]

-Oh.

MARTHA GENERIC:

And put away those

toys and practice your S's.

-See what I mean about Moms?

It's spooky.

MARTHA GENERIC: Now!

-You put a frame in my heart

that I need to stinkish.

-But why?

-I cannot look up to

you anymore, Ms. Miller.

It hurts my neck.

-So it's come to

his, has it, Bobby?

BOBBY: I'm afraid

so, Ms. Miller.

-You should be afraid,

Bobby-- very afraid.

-No!

[g*nshots]

[SCREAM]

[GASP]

-Mom wants you

downstairs for dinner.

-I'm not hungry.

I'm too worried to eat.

-Ah!

Oh, who could've done this?

MS. MILLER: Hahahahaha.

-I don't wanna be

in love anymore,

but I don't know

how I'm supposed

to tell Ms. Miller that.

And you can't be my girlfriend

anymore because-- 'cause, uh,

and-- and-- and I can't be your

married husband because, uh,

half of Ted, because

of half of Uncle Ted.

I mean, uh, 'cause--

JACKIE: I knew you'd come

to your senses, Bobby.

You finally realized

that I'm the only woman

you'll ever love?

Right, Bobby?

-No.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Oh no, it's time.

[CHILDREN YELLING AND LAUGHING]

CLASSMATES: Mrs. [INAUDIBLE]!

Yay!

-Mrs. [INAUDIBLE] is back.

-See, Bobby?

Ms. Miller's gone.

Your relationship is over.

-OK.

Maybe my relationship

is over, but I still

have something very important.

-What?

-I got to keep all my stuff,

and I know how to tie my shoes.

Mrs. [INAUDIBLE]!

Mrs. [INAUDIBLE].

Whoa, oh!

Now if I could only figure

out how to keep them tied.

-Mmwa.

-Yee-uck!

-Well, that's about

all the time we have.

We don't have much time, Bobby.

So you and I are going to

have talk at the same time.

I just want to say goodbye--

BOBBY: I want to thank everybody

for watching Join us next time.

I had a really good time.

HOWIE MANDEL: Make

one person smile,

then-- then we feel

we're doing our job,

and it gives us a nice

warm feeling inside

and makes us happy.

And if we're happy,

you're happy.

And if you're happy, then--

then you'll watch again.

And if you watch again, then,

uh, we'll do more shows.

And if we do more shows--

[THEME MUSIC]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]