04x05 - Jets, Choo-Choos, and Cars

[bunniefuu]

BOBBY: Be sure to
watch today's show,
because you can win big prizes,
like, uh, like an elephant!
And maybe even, some cake.

-Uh, what are you talking about?

We're not giving
away any elephants.
Were not giving away any cakes.

Uh, wh--

-Sorry.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

BOBBY: Mommy, mommy,
mommy, mommy, mommy!
Mommy, mommy, mommy!

Mom!

-Well, what is it, Bobby?

-Uh, I forgot.

-Uh, for love and misery, Hun!

I just don't have time for
these gee golly false alarms.
MARTHA GENERIC: I'm just
too busy, don't ya know?
BOBBY GENERIC: Mommy,
mommy mommy, mommy, mommy!
Mom!

-Mommy, mommy, mommy!

-Oh!

Oh, shoo!

Shoo!

BOBBY GENERIC: Mom!

-Ah!

Oh!

That does it, there, now!

Who-- who's?

Oh!

Who's rubber thing--
toy-- whatever is this?
[PANTING]

-Something wrong, honey?

-Mr. Squid!

I've been lookin'
all over for him.
Thanks mom!

-For the love of my-- Derek!

Don't bounce that
thing in the house!
[BABIES CRYING]

-Oh, for crying out's sake,
you woke the twins up!
[SOBBING]

-Call me crazy,
Martha, But I think
you could use a
little break there.
How about we send
Bobby and Derek
to visit grandma for
a couple weeks, huh?
DEREK GENERIC: No, way, dad!

I don't wanna go to grandma's!

Her house smells.

Her breathe smells.

BOBBY GENERIC: Yeah!

Even her nose smells!

Well, that's what it's for.

-Hey, I thought you
liked grandma, Bobby?
-I do.

I was just trying to go along
with my big brother, Derek.
HOWARD GENERIC: Come on, come
on, come on, keep going, son!
This is just to pick up
the shuttle passengers.
-Wow!

This is the shuttle?

-Your captain, Captain Squash,
asks that you fasten your seat
belts as we approach our
final destination, Mars.
-Mars?

I was supposed to
go to grandma's!
[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

-What'd he say?

HOWARD GENERIC: Keep movin',
son, just keep movin'.
-It didn't sound like he
said, just keep moving.
-Now have a good time, boys.

And Derek, you you
keep an eye on Bobby.
-Don't worry, dad, I'm gonna
keep an eye on Derek, too.
-Ah, Howard, I don't want
to be a stick in the mud,
but I don't think this
is such a jim dandy idea.
They'll be all alone on
that plane, then, now, yeah.
-Oh honey, the
boys will be fine.
-Oh, I suppose
you're right, but--
MARTHA GENERIC:
Long goodbyes just
make me so gee golly emotional!

-You mean like this?

Goo---ood Byy-yye.

[WAILING]

-Boy, she wasn't kidding.

-Buttons!

[DINGING]

-Can I get you something?

A pillow?

A blanket, perhaps?

-OK.

[DINGING}

-Can I get you something?

A pillow?

A blanket, perhaps?

-OK.

-Derek, how come
those ladies keep
bringing me pillows
and blankets?
-'Cause you keep pressing
the button, stupid.
-Oh!

I need one of these
buttons at home.
Then I wouldn't always
have to yell, Mom!
[MUTTERING]

-Sorry.

[SIGHS]

-Dork!

STEWARDESS: In the teensy,
weensy, itty, bitty, wee,
little chance of,
um, an emergency,
oxygen masks will be lowered.

And if needed,
your life vests may
be inflated, and used
as a flotation device.
-Sorry.

[GROANING]

[BABIES CRYING]

[BOBBY KICKING SEAT]

-Boy!

Little kids on airplanes
sure can be annoying!
-Excuse me, young man!

-Sorry.

-[YELLING] Somebody
turn up the TV!
I can't hear it.

[MUTTERING]

[GROANING]

-Gosh!

-Sorry.

[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

-There is that voice again.

What'd he say?

What is it?

What's goin' on?

[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

STEWARDESS: Please
return to your seats.
And remain seated!

-Sorry.

STEWARDESS: Welcome to Chicago,
those of you continuing on
to Minneapolis, please
stay in your seats
for our 30 minute layover.

-Stay here, runt.

I'm getting a magazine.

-OK.

Oh.

Uh, wait up, Derek!

I want a magazine, too!

I can't read, but it's fun to
draw moustaches on the people.
BOBBY GENERIC: Uh-oh.

I followed the wrong legs.

Wow!

-Bobby?

Where'd he go?

Bobby?

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby?

Bobby!

-What are you doing here?

-Riding the merry-go-round.

Get on!

It's fun!

Wee!

DEREK GENERIC: Do you know
how worried I've been?
OK, dweeb, no more
funny business.
Got it?

[SIGHS]

-Not again.

Bobby!

-Derek?

Wh-- where'd he go?

Maybe he's playing
hide-and-go-seek,
America's number
one favorite game.
[PANTING]

-Tag!

You're it!

[GIGGLING]

-Where have you been, brat?

-Playing hide-and-seek,
America's
number one favorite game.

You started it.

-Did not.

-Did, too.

-Did not.

-Did, too.

-Did not.

-Did, too.

-Did not!

-Did, too.

-I don't have time to argue.

We have to catch our plane!

BOBBY GENERIC: I
don't think we can
run fast enough for that, Derek.

DEREK GENERIC: Oh, no!

Way to go, bonehead!

Now we're stranded!

-Boy, this trip is turnin' out
to be a really good adventure.
I can hardly wait to
see what happens next!
[SCREAMING]

-Now look what
you've made us do!
We'll never get to grandma's!

-But you said you didn't
wanna go to grandma's.
Now we can stay
here, and have fun
riding the
merry-go-round some more!
-Do you know what
mom and dad are going
to do when they find
out we missed the plane?
-Be glad we had so much fun
without breaking anything?
-No, you jerk!

They're gonna k*ll us!

-I like my idea better.

[BABIES CRYING, MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

-Hello?

DELTA QANTAS: Yes, Mrs. Generic?

-"jenner-ic"

-"jenner-ic".

I'm Delta Qantas, from
Trail Wings Airlines.
I'm afraid your sons
deplaned prematurely
and missed their
connecting fling.
-Oh no!

Where are they?

Are-- are my babies all right?

-Oh, they're fine.

They're being escorted
to a hotel for the night.
And you'll be happy to know
the boys luggage arrived
safely at it's
final destination.
-Well, yeah.

That's a comfort, by golly.

BOBBY GENERIC:
Where are we goin'?
-You'll be staying in
the American Hotel.
And in the morning, after
your continental breakfast,
I'll pick you up, and you
can bid Aloha to Chicago,
and be off to be united
with your grandma!
CAB DRIVER: It's
only a short stop.
At least'n your in
the right place.
Don't worry about anything.

We've got an awfully short
drive down Wacker Drive,
and turn around at Sears Tower.

-Derek, is it just me,
or does he talk funny?
-Hey, I gotta tell ya, that's
one cute kid you got there,
you know what I'm sayin'?

Hey, I'll tell you one
thing right now, here--
-What country are you from?

[MUTTERING]

-You know what I'm sayin'?

It's sweet home, Chicago, man.

BOBBY GENERIC: Sorry.

[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

-Hey!

There's that guy again!

He sounds like the guy at
the burger drive through.
CAB DRIVER: All right,
all right, all right,
everybody listen, thank
you for flying over here.
And I thank you guys.

Take it easy, over there, and
don't forget that-- oh-- whoa--
w-- w-- watch your
head, all right.
You're a good kid.

-Boy, taking a taxi is better
than going trick-or-treating.
-Now, your boys stay here
while I check you in.
BOBBY GENERIC: Gadzooks!

This is really a great
place, huh, Derek?
DEREK GENERIC: Hey,
dweeb, what are you doing?
Are you allowed to jump
on the furniture at home?
-No.

That's why I'm doin' it here.

-Well, stop it!

And pick you things
up off the floor.
BOBBY GENERIC: Something
fishy's goin' on with Derek.
He's startin' to sound
an awful lot like dad!
DELTA QANTAS: OK,
boys, the bellman
will be coming down
to get you any minute.
-Bellman?

Who is he?

-Yee-haw!

[SCREAMING]

[BOBBY YELLING]

-Well, hello, and hey!

I'm your bellman!

What's your name little person?

-B-- b-- Bobby.

S-- See-- See, Derek?

I t-- I told you
there wasn't anything
to be af-- afr-- afraid of.

-Now, you boys
stay put this time.
I'll be back for
you in the morning.
-Ta-ta, Delta!

BELLMAN: Follow me, I'll
take ya to your room.
BOBBY GENERIC: How does
he know where my room is?
BELLMAN: It's in the
upstairs thing-- part.
-What's it doin' here?

Is it on vacation, too?

-Bobby!

-What?

-Put a sock in it!

-But all my socks are
in my room, silly!
Hey, this isn't my room.

But it is pretty neat, anyway.

BELLMAN: There are drinks and
snacks and nosh in the host
bar, and if you need anything
else, just pick up the phone
and ask for room service
if you need anything.
-Anything?

Wow!

Oh!

Isn't this a fun trip, Derek?

What do we do now?

-Nothing!

You stay out of trouble!

OK.

I'm going down to
the magazine rack
and get a comic book to read.

-Derek sure likes
to read magazines.
What am I supposed to do?

I-- I know!

[PHONE RINGS]

-Room Service, may I help you?

BOBBY GENERIC: You bet!

I-- I'd like two
ice cream cones.
Yeah!

Oh, and two ice cream cones
and two hot fudge sundaes.
Yeah, I want two hot fudge
sundaes, an ice cream,
and a whole bunch of candy bars!

And, uh, I want candy
bars, and ice cream,
and, uh, and a tricycle!

I want a tricycle!

And, uh, and a--

-Doh!

DEREK GENERIC: Bobby!

What are you doing?

[BELCHES]

-I don't feel good.

DEREK GENERIC: Now,
you know better
than to eat so much
candy and stuff.
-Oh!

-Don't talk back,
or I'll wash out
your mouth with gee golly soap.

-Uh-oh.

Now Derek's staring
to sound like mom.
-Now lie down, and
you'll feel better.
-You're taking care of me?

-Of course I am.

I'm your brother.

-Gee, you've never
been nice to me before.
Tell me a story!

-Forget it!

I don't know any stories.

-Do, too.

-Do not!

-Do, too!
-Do not.
-Do, too!
-Do not.
-Do, too!
-Do not.
-Do, too!

-Do not.

BOBBY GENERIC: Do, too!

BOBBY GENERIC: Do not!

-What's that thing?

-A coin machine, stupid.

BOBBY GENERIC: Oh boy!

Put some money in!

I want gum!

[HUMMING]

-This is fun!

I want a-- a bed
like this at home.
-H-- H-- How do we
shut this thing off?
BOBBY GENERIC: Maybe you
have to put more money in.
DEREK GENERIC: Oh no!

Way to go, dweeb!

BOBBY GENERIC: D-- d--
Derek, I can't stop!
Ha ha, fooled ya!

-You've had your fun,
now time for bed.
-Oh, OK.

Where's yours?

-There's only one bed?

I gotta sleep with you?

How much worse
can this trip get?
Move over, bed hog!

And remember, don't touch
me, don't sneeze on me.
Ah!

And don't breath on m
because your breathe
smells worse than grandma's.

-Does not.

-Does, too!

And if you wet the
bed, I'll k*ll you.
BOBBY GENERIC: You
do, and I'm tellin'.
[HUMMING]

DEREK GENERIC: Bobby!

Unplug that!

BOBBY GENERIC: OK, OK.

What a grouch.

[SNORING]

[SCREAMING]

-Where am I?

[SCREAMING]

-Where are we?

I'm scared!

-Don't touch me!

-Huh.

Now I remember.

We're alone, on
vacation, together.
[WHIMPERING]

-I was hoping it
was a bad dream.
Don't!

-I'm so sorry to trouble
you again, Mrs. Generic.
MARTHA GENERIC: "jenner-ic".

-"jenner-ic", uh-huh.

But there's been another
change in plans for you sons.
-Oh!

Oh, now what?

For the--

-Well, all flight to
Minneapolis are sold out,
so I'm afraid
we're going to have
to send Derek and Bobby
back home, by train.
-OK.

Fine.

It's less stress having
them home, than away
for corn's sake.

-And thank you for
flying Trail Wings.
[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

-There's that voice again.

Is that man following us?

-Now, be careful Bobby.

And don't lost your bag.

Wait a minute, you didn't have a
bag when you got off the plane.
What's in there?

-A surprise for my dad!

-Where'd you get
all these shoes?
-In the hotel hallway,
hangin' on the doors.
I found them.

They were all shiny
and pretty, and I
thought dad would like them

-We're going to have to
give these back, Bobby.
-Whatever happened
to finders-keepers?
BOBBY GENERIC: Well,
at least I have
one pair of shoes
left over for dad.
I wonder who they belong to.

Pardon me, boys.

-Who are you?

-Why, I'm the conductor.

-Wait a minute.

If he's the conductor,
he can start the band.
BOBBY GENERIC: A one,
and a two, and a three.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

--[SINGING] I'm goin', I'm
goin' I'm goin' on a trip.
Train, plane, or taxicab,
all the choices hip.
--[SINGING] He's goin', he's
goin', he's goin' on a trip.
Train, plane, or taxicab,
all the choices hip.
--[SINGING] If you're headed
up to grandma's house,
or even just goin' home, there's
one thing that I know for sure,
there is lots of ways to go.

You can take a choo-choo train,
that goes along the track.
-[SINGING] Wow.

--[SINGING] Or you
can take a taxicab,
which is like dad's
car, but different.
That's a fact.

--[SINGING] He's goin', he's
goin', he's goin' on a trip.
Go head!

Train, plane, or taxicab,
all the choices hip.
--[SINGING] Now the
fastest way to travel,
from California to Maine--

-[SINGING] What's that?

--[SINGING] has got
to be up in the air
in something called a plane.

[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

-All of them have announcements.

[MUFFLED ANNOUNCEMENT]

-None I understand.

--[SINGING] Take a cab,
an aeroplane, a ferry,
board a choo-choo
train, limo if you must.
-[SINGING] Go on girl!

--[SINGING] Buy a ticket,
pay a fare, if you're broke,
don't despair, honey,
just take the bus.
-[SINGING] I'm goin'.

-[SINGING] He's goin'.

--[SINGING] We're
goin' on a trip.
Train, plane, or taxicab,
all the choices hip.
--[SINGING] And now I
guess you're wondering,
why we're singing this song?

--[SINGING] 'Cause if
you sing along the way--
--[SINGING] It
doesn't seem as long!
--[SINGING] We're goin', we're
goin', we're goin' on a trip.
Train, plane, or taxicab,
all the choices hip.
We're goin', we're goin',
we're goin' on a trip.
Train, plane or taxicab,
all the choices hip.
-Chill!

-Hey, Martha, they're back!

Get-- Marth-- They--
here they are!
-My boys!

Oh, for cryin' out loud,
it's good to see you!
Muah!

Muah!

My little haircuts!

-Am I ever glad to be home.

-Oh, Mm!

Did you two get along all right?

-Uh-huh.

Derek took really
good care of me.
-Bobby's OK, for a guy who
hasn't had a bath in two days.
-Thanks, Derek!

You, too.

HOWARD GENERIC: Derek, I--
I want you to keep an eye
on Bobby while we take care
of the twins for a minute,
or two here.

-No way!

I did my job!

I got the little brat
home in one piece!
You're the parents now!

-I know I'm supposed to say
something now, but I'm--
[YAWNS]

-Exhausted.

-Wow!

What a great show.

-Where?

-The show we just did.

-You mean with the--
the one with the trains,
and the planes, and the
choo-choos, and the taxis,
and the hotels, and--
and all the adventures?
-Yeah, that's the one.

-I didn't see it.

[LAUGHS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]