05x04 - Bobby's Big Boo-Boo

[bunniefuu]

-Howie, you want to
play a guessing game?
-OK.

-You go first.

-Well, what the game?

-Guess.

-I don't want to.

-You don't wanna what?

-Guess.

-OK.

You don't wanna skydive
in ladies underpants?
No.

-No.

-OK, I understand that.

Neither do I. So let's
just start the show.
[BOBBY YAWNING]

-Ah.

Ow!

MARTHA: Oh, hun.

Now you don't look so good.

Well, you're burning up.

I better take your
temperature, don't you know.
-Get out of the way!

Look out!

Yikes!

No wonder my throat hurts.

It's on fire.

MARTHA: Hold it right there now.

Now, let's just see
what's going on.
Mm-hmm.

No school for you
today, young man-sy.
-You mean I can stay home
and play with my trucks?
That's one of the things
I like about being sick.
MARTHA: Yeah.

Your temp's 102.

That's no Saturday night
fever, don't you know.
You're going to your
gee golly pediatrician
doctor, Dr. C Emery Stoop.

-And that's one of the things
I don't like about being sick.
-It's all right, honey.

Let's just get, then go home.

-Thank you, nurse Harriett.

Oh, no, no, no.

Out those silver things
away, and those sticks,
and, no-- put-- give
that-- that's for doctors.
BOBBY: Morning,
Dr. C Emery Stoop.
-You have a sore throat.

Is that right?

Well, well, well.

Open.

Open side.

-This isn't gonna hurt, honey.

This is just the stick.

-And let the doctor
see what's inside.
MARTHA: Bobby!

-But there's a fire
in there, mommy.
It's dangerous.

DOCTOR: There's nothing
to be afraid of, Bobby.
We're just going to do
a little tongue surfing.
So what's the problem, Bobby?

-What's wrong with
our Bobby, Dr?
-Bobby seems to think
it's-- But being a doctor,
I'm thinking it's his tonsils.

They're infected, and that's
making his throat sore.
I'd like to take them
out as soon as possible.
-You wanna take my tonsils out?

-My darling tonsil.

You're so beautiful.

There's something about you
that's positively infectious.
MARTHA: Hold a gee
golly minute here.
Do you mean Bobby is
gonna need surgery?
-What's surgery?

-Well, to put in layman's terms,
it means good health for you,
and a new car for me.

Just kidding.

That's just a little AMA humor
from the last convention.
What you need is
a tonsillectomy.
-What?

What's-- what's a ton-- what's
a tonsil-- what's a tonsilect--
-Don't worry, Bobby.

This will explain everything.

MARTHA: "You and Your Tonsils."

-Yodel-ay-hee-hoo.

Hello.

My name is Hansel the Tonsil.

And I'm going to tell you
all about tonsillectomies.
That's better.

Now take a look down there.

Tonsils are like
little germ catchers
sitting in the back
of your throat,
ready to grab any bad germs that
sneak in through your mouth.
But sometimes they
are so many germs
that the tonsils
can't hold them all.
And the doctor has to come
and clean out the whole place.
DOCTOR: So, do you
understand now?
-I got puppets in my mouth?

-Uh, no.

That's OK there hun.

I'll explain to you in
the car on the way home.
-Maybe we better
take it from the top.
-Yodel-ay-hee-hoo.

MARTHA: And so
doctor C. Emery Stoop
wants Bobby in the hospital
first thing in the AM morning.
-Oh, oh, poor Bobby.

Is he-- is he scared Martha?

-Here's the thing.

Not at all.

He's such a little
trooper, don't you know.
-Hey Derrick.

How much do you think I'm gonna
get from the tonsil faerie?
-Well, how much do
you think, Bobby?
-$1.00?

-Not.

There's no such thing as
a tonsil faerie, dweeb.
-That's not fair.

There's a-- there's
a tooth faerie
when you lose your tooth.

Why not a tonsil faerie
when you lose your tonsils?
-You don't lose your tonsils.

The doctors cuts them out.

HOWARD: Now Bobby,
there's absolutely nothing
to be afraid of.

-Well not for you.

You're not having
your tonsils cut out.
HOWARD: I'm gonna
ground that Derrick
for the rest of his life.

-You never wanna miss a chance
to get you brother in trouble.
MARTHA: Your father
and I won't let
anything happen to you, Bobby.

-You-- you-- you promise?

-We promise.

Now will you come to bed, son?

-No.

-Bobby Generic, you come out
of that closet this minute.
-I'll go to bed, but I don't
wanna go to the hospital.
-Here you go, honey.

-You just sleep good.

You don't worry about a thing.

-Night night.

-I'll never trust
in a puppet again.
[BOBBY GROANING]

-I'm scared to have
surgeries, Webbley.
What are we gonna do?

-Morning.

And how's my little man-sy
feeling this morning?
-Hey, mom.

I got an idea, Webbley.

I'm perfectly OK.

I'm all better.

I don't even need surgeries.

-Aw, honey.

I know.

It's OK, honey.

Really.

BOBBY: No.

Honest, mom.

Look.

See how high I can jump.

And look how fast I can dance.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Five, six, seven, eight.

-See how fast he can jump.

-And high, too.

-And look how fast he can dance.

-That's my boy.

-He can tip-toe through tulips
without ruining the plants.
-I know my Bobby is special.

And he can do many a thing.

So if he doesn't
need surgery, then
let's her the little guy sing.

I'm listening.

-He can rise to the moon.

MARTHA: That's a long way.

-By peddling fast on his bike.

He could save a whole
village, with one
finger stuck in a d*ke.

MARTHA: That's a
damn, don't you know.
-He can lift a piano, uh-huh.

And wrestle two tigers at one.

It's true.

He can star in a
movie-- oh, yes--
and Bobby does his own stunts.

MARTHA: I know my
Bobby is so special,
and he can do many a thing.

So if he doesn't
need surgery, then
let's hear my
little man-sy sing.
I rest my case.

-He can lead a parade
of 60 trumpets or more.
He can waltz on the ceiling,
and jitter-bug jitter-bug down
on the floor.

MARTHA: Yeah, well, anyway.

My Bobby is special.

And he can do many a thing,
so if he doesn't need surgery,
then let's hear the little
guy-- if he can just do it,
I won't put him through it--
let's hear the little guy sing.
-Ah.

MARTHA: OK.

All right.

There now.

It's time to hit
the old road-ski.
Yeah.

Time to get you down to the
hospital, don't you know.
-No.

Wait.

I'm better.

I really am.

BOBBY: I don't
need any surgeries.
I can sing now.

Really.

Listen.

Ah.

Nevermind.

MARTHA: All right.

Let me just boost you up here.

BOBBY: Oh, mom.

MARTHA: Oh, honey.

Just let you get
your socks offs.
-Stop, mom.

I don't want to.

MARTHA: Oh, for corn's sake.

Bobby.

-I'm better.

I don't want to wear a dress.

And I don't want any surgeries.

MARTHA: Oh, oh, look at
that cutesy little bottom.
HOWARD: Oh, look at him.

-I don't see what's so funny.

I'm scared.

-Oh, Bobby.

Mom's right here,
right here with you.
Now, there's no need for those
gee-golly crocodile tears.
HOWARD: And dad's
here too, Bobby.
He's right here.

-Like, I had my tonsils totally
out when I was your age.
And look at me now.

-Trying to scare the shrimp?

-You are so immature.

You know what, Bobby?

Like, when you get
home from the hospital,
you want to watch the Pops
and Squash videos with me?
-You mean it?

-And I'll teach you how
to ride my skateboard.
-Yippee!

Uh-oh.

When your brothers and
sisters are nice to you,
then you're usually in trouble.

-So, Bobby.

Are we all ready
for the surgery?
-No.

I don't want any surgeries.

-Now, Bobby.

The surgery's not bad.

You'll just be a little
hoarse for a couple of days.
-I'll be a little horse?

NURSE: Now stop
your fussing, Bobby.
And drink this.

-What is it?

-Just a little something
to help you feel sleepy.
Be a good boy and drink it.

That's good.

Now, you're gonna feel
a little wobbly, Bobby.
-I don't feel--

-I've called for the orderlies.

They'll be here any second.

ORDERLY: Medic!

Ha ha ha.

He's hurt.

Absolut-a-mentay.

He is Meaker-ed.

Now then.

Who ordered the two large
orders of orderlies?
-He's a real hoot and holler.

-Here's patient's chart.

-Mm-hmm.

-Uh-huh.

-Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Well, now.

Everything seems to be in order.

-So I guess we order get going.

-Ha ha ha.

Good one, Meaker.

-You're the king.

-I am the king.

BOBBY: Wait, wait.

-What's up, little laddie?

-I'm-- I'm scared.

I don't wanna go.

-Oh, he is so gee-golly
little, Howard.
-There now, Martha.

Everything's going to be OK.

-Young Robert, there is not
a thing to be scared of here.
-Boo!

Just kidding.

How would you like
a super duper--
-Double deluxe--

-Tour of the hospital.

-Free.

-OK.

But I [SLURRING] But I
don't want any surgeries.
MARTHA: Mommy loves you.

-Bye, Bobby.

-I'll see you
soon, little buddy.
-Love you.

Hear me.

Hear mommy's voice.

-All right, we've
seen the laundry room.
-Check.
-The nursery.
-Check.

-The cafeteria.

-Check, please.

Going down.

-Down.

-Now then, young Robert.

Here we are in the
children's ward.
You see that kid right there?

He ran with a stick.

Him?

-Went swimming
before 20 minutes.
-That's right.

Now my guess is she made a
face and it stayed that way.
-Yep.

The whole place is
filled with kids--
-Who did not listen
to their parents.
-Oh.

-How you feeling, little fella?

-I feel kind of funny.

LION: You know, you really
ought to have those tonsils out.
ORDERLY: End of the line, Bobby.

They're ready for you, son.

BOBBY: No.

No.

Oh, who are they, men?

DREAM: The notorious
Tonsil g*ng, Bobby.
g*ng: Yee-haw We want
your tonsils, Bobby.
BOBBY: You can't have em.

They're mine.

-Relax, Bobby.

It's me.

It's Dr. C Emery Stoop.

-Oh.

I knew that.

Well, wha-- wha--
where are we going?
-To the operating theater.

-We're going to the theater?

Yay!

I'm gonna see a show.

-Here he is.

Fresh from his latest appearance
at the Saltzman gallbladder.
Put your hands together for--

-Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

-Thank you, dementites
and dementoids.
Hey, anybody here
from out of town?
Out of state?

Outer space?

All aboard.

Next stop, dementia.

-Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

Dr. Demento.

-Hey, let's hear it for
the Demento dancers.
Kinda gets to you, doesn't it?

All right, dementites
and dementoids.
It's time for the
Dr. Demento Show.
For my first number, I will
take out Bobby's tonsils.
-Ah!

I don't want them to
take my tonsils out.
NURSE: Bobby.

Bobby.

It's nurse Harriet.

You're OK, Bobby.

We're almost ready to begin.

Just close your eyes.

-OK.

OK.

I'm gonna be fine.

There's nothing to be scared of.

It's not gonna hurt.

I wish I could get out of here.

CAPTAIN SQUASH: Your wish
is my command, BOBBY.
BOBBY: Thanks, Captain Squash.

You saved my tonsils.

CAPTAIN SQUASH: Don't
thank me, Bobby.
That's what we
superheroes are for.
Next stop, Fortress Squash.

Here we are, Bobby.

Home, sweet home.

-You live in an apartment?

-This is no ordinary
apartment, Bobby.
It's rent-controlled,
and has central air.
You'll be safe here with me.

-You mean it?

I can live with you?

-From now on, Bobby,
mi casa es su casa.
-I don't know what
that means, but it
sounds like he's
going to let me stay.
-How about a snack, Bobby?

What'll it be?

Bran bars, fiber
puffs, or oat cakes?
We've got them all.

-Uh-oh.

Living with Captain Squash
may not exactly be as much fun
as I thought.

[BURP]

-Oh!

You've been playing with the
dryer again, haven't you Bobby?
You know, Bobby, I
think-- hey, you really
ought to have those tonsils out.

-Oh, no!

I thought you were on my side.

You're a traitor.

I hate you.

-Easy does it, Bobby.

I'm gonna give you
a little gas now.
-In our family, Uncle
Ted's the one who gets gas.
NURSE: OK, Bobby.

I want you to start
counting backwards from 100.
-I can't count forward to 100.

I'm only five.

I want out of here.

I wish I had a motorcycle
or a spaceship.
Or-- or-- or a time machine.

-You're Alexander
Graham Bell, aren't you?
I learned about you in school.

I'm Bobby.

Is that your telephone?

-Telephone.

What a-- what a great name for
this invent-- Thank you, Bobby.
Oh, it's-- it's for you.

Uh, Dr. C Emery Stoop.

He said you really ought to
have your tonsils taken out.
-Ah!

No!

No!

No!

-Bobby, Bobby.

It's me, Mom.

Hi, hun.

Welcome back to the world.

-My mind's been thinking
and thinking about this,
and I don't want any surgeries.

DOCTOR: Well, well, well.

How's our little patient doing?

-Oh, hey.

MARTHA: Oh, oh.

Oh, for corn's sakes, Bobby.

There's nothing to be
scared of now, then, yet.
The surgery's over.

-You mean-- you mean--
I was a-- I was asleep?
For the-- for the whole thing?

-Uh-huh.

And I bet you had some
strange dreams, didn't you?
-Uh-oh.

I gotta find Caption Squash.

I owe him an apology.

But nobody touch my ice
cream while I'm gone.
MARTHA: Oh.

-Well, Bobby, what do you say?

-I hope you don't
mind, Howie, but I
really want to rest my throat.

-OK, then.

I guess let's hear
from Stephen Burrows.
-Bobby's World.

Ooh!

I say bob-bob,
bob-bob, Bobby's World.
Whoa yeah.

Let's take it home.

Bob-bob, bob-bob, Bobby's World.

Bob-bob, bob-bob, Bobby's World.

B O BB Y. I said, B O BB Y. Ooh.