05x06 - Weekend at Teddie's

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everybody, I'm really
excited about today's show,
Weekend at Teddie's.

-We were going to call it the
Hamster that Smelled like Tuna.
-But it's about a weekend you
spend at your Uncle Ted's.
That's why we call it
Weekend at Teddie's.
See?

There is not a hamster
that smells like tuna.
-Yes, there is.

His name is Jeffrey.

-But Jeffrey's not in
today's show, Bobby.
-Exactly, Howie.

That's why you
should just sit back
and enjoy Weekend at Teddie's.

-Why, I outta--

[THEME MUSIC]

-Bobby!

-What, Daddy?

-Turn off the sprinkler.

-Hey, Daddy, you want
to play sprinkler tag?
-Sorry, Son, your
mother wants a garden.
-Hey, Derek, you
wanna play something?
-Sure, but not
with you, gherkin.
Bobby!

-Mom, will you play with me>

-Ah, gee, yikers,
Bobby, I've got
my hands full with the twins.

Why don't you ask your little
friend Jackie there now, yeah.
-They're not home.

Besides, she's
always kissing me.
Kelly, do you wanna play?

-Surprise, Bobby, like I
wasn't put on the planet
to entertain you.

Little brothers
can be such a pest.
-I'm not a pest.

-Bobby, like, get a life.

-Get a life?

Get a life?

I'll show her.

I'll get a life, somewhere else.

I'll run away.

I'm gonna move somewhere neat.

Somewhere where there
are lots of people
and all those people want
to do is play with me.
I'm going, I'm going,
I'm going on a trip.
-OK, guys, Bobby's
running away from home.
Everything goes.

-[SINGING] He's going, he's
going, he's going on a trip.
Train, plane, or taxi cab.

-Hey!

-[SINGING] There's one
thing that I know for sure,
there's lots of ways to go.

You can take a choo choo train
that goes along the track.
Or you can pick
a taxi cab, which
is like Dad's car but
different, that's a fact.
-[SINGING] He's going, he's
going, he's going on a trip.
Train, plane, or taxi cab,
all the choice is his.
-Now, the fastest way to travel
from California to Maine,
and it's got to be up in the
air in something called a plane.
All of them have announcements,
none I understand.
-Take a cab, an
areoplane, a fairy
boat, or a choo choo train.

Limo if you must.

-Go, girl!

-Take a paid fare.

If you're broke, don't despair.

Honey, just take the bus.

-Hey, watch it.

That's got her.

Let's roll.

-So, Bobbo, where
are you headed?
Well, you've got all
your stuff packed,
so you must be going somewhere.

-I want to run away
to someplace fun.
Hey, Uncle Ted, what's
your house like?
-Well, you know what they
say, Bobbo, a man's home
is his castle.

-You live in a castle?

-That's right and
I reign supreme.
High h*, steed.

-Do you play video games?

-Sure, sure, anytime I want.

-Do you rent tapes
so you can watch
stuff at home in your castle?

-All the time.

-Ow!

-Hey!

-Watch it!

-Oh, this is where the girl gets
away just in the nick of time.
-Quiet, you're wrecking
the movie for everyone.
-Uh, sorry.

-Do you get to stay up late?

-Sure.

I stay up as late as
I want every night.
-Wow!

Would you excuse
me for a minute?
Mom!

Dad!

Guess what?

-Maybe you ought to give
us a little bit of hintski,
don't you know?

-I don't need anybody here
to play with me anymore,
cause I'm going to Uncle Ted's.

-Way cool.

-Like, totally.

Want me to give you a ride?

-Aren't they supposed
to ask me to stay?
-Uh, where'd you say
you were going, son?
-I'm going to Uncle Ted's!

This is going to be the life.

Living at Uncle Ted's!

-Uh, let's see here, uh,
here's a lunchbox key,
uh, what's-- here we are, Bobbo.

-I can't wait to get
inside and play, Uncle Ted.
How come we never
have Thanksgiving
dinner at your house?

Never mind.

Uh, Uncle Ted?

I thought you said
you lived in a castle?
-Castle, bachelor apartment,
what's the difference?
Come on, Bobbo, I'll
take you on a tour.
Now, there's the bathroom.

There's the kitchen.

Nice, huh?

-Where's the bedroom?

-You're standing in it.

OK, then where's
the living room?
-Once again, you're in it.

Hey Bobbo, what did you expect?

It's only one room.

I told you, a man's
room is his castle.
-Oh.

Hey, Bobbo, why don't you
put your stuff in the closet?
Fashion tip, Bobby, keep
your clothes long enough,
and they'll always
come back in fashion.
OK, here, put on this glove,
and hand me that ball.
-I know what we're going to
do now, Uncle Ted, play catch!
-Nope, time to
freshen up, Bobbo.
Now, I'm going to toss the ball
at that can on the top shelf
there and you catch
it when it falls, OK?
You know, I put on a
clean pair of socks
every Friday whether
I need to or not.
-I got it!

I got it!

I don't got it.

-Wowzers, oh, that's a pain.

-Sorry, Uncle Ted.

I lost it in the lights.

-Oh, I got an idea.

Better wash your hands
and get ready for lunch.
Come on, Bobby, help me
move some of this stuff.
OK, lift with your legs.

-What's in these
boxes, Uncle Ted?
-Oh, my back.

It's full of a lot of different
stuff companies can't sell,
Bobbo.

I'd buy it cheap
and then turn around
and sell it to somebody else.

-You do?

-There you go, Bobbo.

-What's that?

-Electric hand dryer.

Picked up 50 of them for a song.

[CLANKING]

-Yikes!

-Oh, easy, Bobbo.

That's just Uncle Ted's
early warning system.
the guys downstairs
are telling me
that the landlady
is heading this way.
Oh h*, Miss Imperiani, oh,
what a delightful surprise.
Please, please, come in.

-Hi, Ted.

Do you know what time it is?

-Oh no, noggies.

-Uh, I don't know,
uh time for noogies?
-Told ya.

-No.

Time to pay your rent.

-Oh, yes, with pleasure.

And may I say, you're looking
exceptionally stylish today.
-It must be my ankles.

The swellings gone down.

-Have you met my nephew, Robert?

-No.

Nice to meet you.

I'll see you later.

-Visitors.

I love 'em.

-Isn't this great, Uncle Ted?

Staying up late,
watching scary movies.
-It-t-t sure is.

Oh darn, the TV's dead.

I'll unpack another one
tomorrow when it's not so dark.
Well, I might as well go to bed.

-OK.

Where's the bed?

-You're sitting on it.

Well, see, it's a
convertible sofa.
You wanna move that box of
8-track cartridges, please?
Hop in, Bobbo.

-Where are you gonna
sleep, Uncle Ted?
-Oh, I'll be right over here
in the guest area on one
of the cots I got at the
Army Surplus auction.
That's a squeeze.

-Good night, Uncle Ted.

Uncle Ted, I-- I can't sleep.

It looks kinda weird in here.

-That's my lava lamp collection.

-Things aren't working
out the way I planned.
But tomorrow is another day.

I just wanna have fun.

-Have these clean
and ready in an hour.
I have a date with
Prince George.
-Hey, step dweeb, oil the
wheels and wax the wood
and keep those babies quiet.

-Boy, I wish-- I wish--

-Did I hear someone wishing?

-Huh?

Who are you?

-I'm your fairy squash father.

I grant wishes.

What's yours, Bobbiella?

-I just wanted to have fun.

I want somebody to play with me.

-That's easy.

Ribble, ribble, mel man
spree, the perfect playmate
is a person named
Mel-- oops, gotta go.
Someone's coming.

-Wait, wait, fairy
godfather Captain Squash.
You didn't finish your chant.

-Hey, Bobbo, it's me.

Wake up.

Put this on.

-Oh, boy.

Finally, we're gonna have fun.

We're gonna play hi-ya.

-Nope, we're gonna take a bath.

These are our bathrobes.

My tub's on the fritz.

We use the building's hot tub.

It's free.

-This is great, Uncle Ted.

Can we play here all morning?

-Sure, Bobby.

Hey, what's to stop us?

Hey, watch the hair.

-Yo, Ted, have I
got a deal for you.
Take a look.

-It's a potato that
looks like Richard Nixon.
-I got a whole truckload of 'em?

Interested?

-Come on, Bobby, we
gotta go upstairs
and do a little business.

-B-b-b- but I thought
we were gonna play?
-I can't miss a potato
opportunity like this.
-You gotta a deal.

-Can we have some
now, Uncle Ted?
-Ah, sure, we can
watch cartoons.
-Yeah!

-Bobby, that chair might
be a bit too big for ya.
Well, you see, if you don't
want to sit there, I will.
Since it is my
favorite chair and all.
-No, this is fine.

-Are you sure you don't want
to sit over here instead?
-Nope.

-Hungry, Bobby?

I could hustle up some lunch.

-Yeah.

Mom always makes
me grilled cheese
sandwiches with
pickles and chips.
-Oh, sounds good to me.

Hello, Jake's Take-Out.

Grilled cheese sandwiches,
sodas, and chips.
What could be more fun
than this, huh, Bobby?
-Not much.

[CLANKING]

-Uncle Ted, you have visitors.

-Hey, you're catching
on now, Bobbo.
Now it's really going to
get excited around here.
My poker buddies are here.

Bobby, give me a bag
of chips, would ya?
You'll have to more the
cans of corn to get them.
-OK, Uncle Ted.

Here, Uncle Ted.

-Thanks, Bobby.

See, when we play poker,
we bet real chips.
All right, boys, there's
the pot, let's play cards.
-I'm in for a pickle.

-Hit me.

-Not just yet.

-Oh, sorry.

-Bobbo, I'm gonna need a handful
of those chocolate covered
peanuts.

-OK, Uncle Ted.

-Hm, I see your pickle
and raise you a quar-- no,
half a grilled cheese sandwich.

-Oh, riverboat ring your bell.

-Here, Uncle Ted.

-Thanks, Bobby.

-By you, Ted.

-Can't lose, Bobbo.

Say, how 'bout a glass of
water to wash down these chips?
-Sure, Uncle Ted.

-Hey, you're eating
the pot, mister.
Those are your gambling chips.

-Not the eating chips, maverick.

-Here, Uncle Ted.

-Thanks, Bobby.

-OK.

OK.

I;m good for it.

I'm good for it.

Bobby, hurry up and get
me that leftover chicken
in the refrigerator.

-OK, Uncle Ted.

-OK, boys, read 'em and weep.

-That's it, I'm done.

-I know when to hold 'em.

-When to fold 'em.

-When to walk away.

-When to run.

-Here, Uncle Ted.

-Now, isn't this fun, Bobby?

Let me tell ya, the
fun's just started.
-Well, she goes and
bucks the rider.
-That's right, let's
mosey along, shall we?
-Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

We're gonna play
cowboys and indians!
I'm gonna be a cowboy.

A cowboy that doesn't
brush his teeth.
That's the fun of
running away from home.
-Nope, that's not it, Bobbo.

We're going to
practice the latest
craze, country line dancing.

-Isn't this one of
those 20 quart hats?
-Look at this thing here.

I'm about a quart
low on mine, though.
-You k*ll me.

You're the king.

-Let's get started, boys.

First up, the Push Tush.

-Wow, sorry.

-They can say that on TV?

-Watch out.

-My fault.

-Oh, watch the screen.

Oh, beg pardon.

-Pardon.

Pardon there.

-Are you supposed to do that?

-Oh, there's a rib.

-Oh, boy.

Just one more time.

Will you rewind the
tape for us, Bobbo?
-OK, Uncle Ted.

-Ribble, ribble, mel
man spree, the perfect
playmate is a person
named Mel-- Me--
-I got it.

-Nope, this can't be right.

-I think this is a felony.

-Does this look right?

-Like Uncle Ted said, a
man's home is his castle.
-I see you figured
out the one playmate
that's always with you.

Ribble, ribble, mel
man spree, the perfect
playmate is a
person named M-- M--
-Me.

-Neato, a decological wonder.

-Not exactly room
temperature fusion, but good.
-Bobbo, where did you ever
get the idea to do this?
-From me.

-Oh, there's my boy.

-Hey, he's back.

-Bobby, it's good to see you.

-You belong here.

Ah, now isn't this
all just nice,
the whole family is
back together again.
I mean, just gosh and golly.

There's so much we
can do together.
Right, Kelly and Derek?

-Huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah, so do you
want to hang out with me
and George for a while?

We're going to the mall.

-Uh, do you want to
do something, dweeb?
-Ah, no thanks.

I can play by myself.

-Huh?

-Say what?

-I can't--

-That's the fun of growing
up, confusing your family.
-That was a great show.

Thanks.

Bye, everybody.

-Wait, wait, can I ask you
something before we go?
-Yes, you can.

-Bye, everyone.

-Well, what about the question?

-That was it.

I just wanted to know if
I could ask you a question
before we go and you said yes.

Bye, everybody.

-Great, now we still have
a couple more seconds.
I know, try this.

Try dancing without
moving your arms or legs.
[THEME MUSIC]