06x09 - Independence Bobby

[bunniefuu]

-Whoa, I didn't, I
didn't, I wasn't ready.
OK, fine.

welcome to Bobby's World!

-I'm not ready to begin.

-OK.

We have a terrific show.

We have a terrific show, and
uh, lots of special things.
-I'm just not ready to begin.

Fine.

Um, then we got, not
only special things,
but we have stuff for you.

-Now I'm ready to begin.

-Great.

Say something.

-Start the show.

[THEME MUSIC]

[PATRIOTIC MUSIC]

-Jackie?

Hey, what's going on?

-Look, Bobby.

Nicholas has a stick-on tattoo.

-It's for the 4th
of July parade.
-Ohhhh, feel his new
haircut, us Bobby.
-Neat.

-No thanks.

-You're just jealous Bobby.

-Am not.

-Are too.

-No, I'm not! 'Cause,
'cause I'm getting
a tattoo and a new haircut, too.

-What?

-I'm getting a tattoo and
a, and a haircut, too.
[LAUGHING]

-That'll be the day.

-In you're dreams.

-Your nose is growing.

-What?

What?

-You're forgetting your parents.

They're too overprotective
to allow it.
-Your parents are
worse than mine.
And I've got to get
permission to ask permission.
I can't even catch a
cold without asking.
-Admit it, Bobby.

Your mother still picks the
color of your underwears.
-You-- you'll see.

I'll show you all at
the parade tomorrow.
-Whoa.

-Sure, Bobby.

-Hey, Bobbo.

How 'bout a nuggie?

-Later, Uncle Ted.

-Hey, Ruthie, you gonna ride
with me again this year?
[LAUGHING]

-Oh, Ted, no.

My stars, no.

Last year was enough for me.

-Oh, don't worry, that
was just a freak accident.
We're not behind the
horses this year.
-Hey, dweeb, better finish
decoration your trike
if you want to be in the parade.

[DOG BARKING]

-The parade starts at 1:00,
we need the horses by noon.
Of course we need the horses.

How else do you pull
a Conestoga wagon?
I can't use the tractor,
it's pulling the hayride.
Look, I-- I'll call you back.

-Here's my Captain Squash glow
in the dark, soap-resistant,
personalized stick-on tattoo.

Go get 'em, Bobby.

-Uh, mom, if I
have to wear this--
-Oh, Kel, for the cry
eye, it's a privilege
to be in a court of Ms.
Elephant Lodge, don't you know?
-Uh, I'll die of
public humiliation.
-Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

-Well, can't it wait, hon?

I got to help your father.

he's the big enchilada of this
year's 4th of July parade.
-The big enchilada?

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

-What is it, Bobby?

-I want to wear this
Captain Squash tattoo
and get a buzz cut
for the parade.
[SPITS OUT PINS]

-Hon, there's no
time for a haircut.
-But mom.

-Bobby, you won't look like my
little mansy in the 4th of July
family photos, don't you know?

-But, mom.

-Maybe when you're Derek's age.

-Mom, I'll never be Derek's age.

He's always older than me.

-Bobby, a buzz cut is
just out of the question.
And don't bring it up again.

-Like that's gonna stop me.

I'm a kid.

Dad!

-Well, I, I kind of like--

-Oh, me too.

I think Bobby would look
so cute with a summer cut.
-Howard, Ruthie, this is not
open for a meet the press
debate.

-But, mom.

-Bobby, dear why
don't we go outside
and decorate our
tricycle for the parade?
-Our tricycle?

You can always tell
there's trouble
when your stuff
becomes our stuff.
[HORN HONKING]

-Hey, Bobbo.

Wanna go to elephant
patrol practice with me?
-No, thanks.

-OK.

Duty calls.

[ELEPHANT TRUMPET NOISE]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[COUGHING]

-Oh, oh, Ted.

-Looking good.

[ELEPHANT TRUMPET NOISE]

-Oh, don't encourage him.

Ruthie, I'm sorry I took
your head off back there.
-Oh, well, it was nothing.

-It, it's just that things
get so hectic when the Royal
Order of Elephants Lodge puts
me in charge of the parade,
you know.

-What's this stupid
parade all about, anyway.
-Well, dear, it celebrates
the 4th of July,
when our forefathers
declared their independence
from the king.

-Dependence?

-Uh, yes.

You see, they wanted the
right to do what they wanted
to do instead of taking
orders from the king.
-The king?

-I'm ready to take
care of business.
Who's next?

-Your Majesty, representatives
from the American colonies.
-Your Majesty,

[BABIES CRYING]

-I am Bobby Franklin, and
these are the forefathers.
We're here to make our
decoration of independence.
-I don't want to be cruel,
but it's, uh, impossible.
-Then you force us to
fight for our freedom.
The pillow test, your policy of
taxation without representation
and no TV on school nights.

-Only fools rush in here
with such statements.
Your courts are unjust,
and so is coming home
before the street lights are on.

-Hmmm, I'll have to
think about that.
Hmmm---

-Wait, I haven't finished!

-I'm sorry, the king
has left the building.
-But, it's not fair.

-Wha--, what's not fair?

Why, whatever are you
talking about, Bobby dear?
-Well, today's the
4th of July, and it's
when we tell the king
something's not right.
And if he doesn't
listen, you get
to do it because you're right.

Well, because it's right.

Yeah, that's, that's right.

So, so it's my right
to get a buzz cut.
Right?

[BOTH]

No!

-Is that your answer?

-Yes.

-Yes?

-No!

I mean, yes!

N-- no is our answer.

-In that case--

-So, like, what's
with the tattoo?
-This is my decoration
of independence.
Wonder when I get to
do what I want to do.
[TIRES SQUEALING]

-Hey, Bobbo!

Down in the dumps?

-No, I'm right here.

Well, then why the long face?

-I was born this way, Uncle Ted.

-No, those are just
expressions, Bobbo.
-And adults think we talk funny.

-Ohhh, I know
what'll cheer you up.
Nuggie!

Ha, ha!

Now, come on, tell your Uncle
Ted what's bothering you.
-Well, it's just--
see, put on this
tattoo 'cause I really need--

-Ohh, this sounds serious.

Maybe I should get
a paper and pencil
so we could write
Dear Flabby, huh?
-I want a buzz cut.

Well, is that all?

A buzz cut?

I love buzz cuts.

Hey, they're great for nuggies.

You know, you're in luck, Bobbo.

I just got a franchise in
the new and expanding world
of, do it at home make-overs.

-Wow!

I'm going to get
my first buzz cut.
This'll put the buzz
in your buzz cut.
As soon as I hook it up to your
dad's gas-powered leaf blower.
-Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Put it in park there
Mr. Barbershop do it.
No disrespecting
son of mine is gonna
wear a buzz cut in
my house, because,
because he won't
be Bobby anymore.
He'll be, he'll
be a buzz cut boy.
-Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, that's an oops.

I, I, I, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, sis.
I, I thought I was helping out.

-No buzz cut.

And I'm never going to go
inside the house again.
-Well, suit yourself.

Come on, Ted.

-Sorry, Bobbo.

Hm, I'm kind of hungry.

[DOG PANTING]

-Kay, Roger.

We're gonna stay her
for as long as it takes.
[SNORING]

-Oh, this ice cream is so good.

Oh, that's right, you're
not coming in the house
every again.

Guess I get yours, too.

Mmm-mmm.

[DOG PANTING]

-Trader.

-Bobby, um, want to come
in and, like, watch TV?
-No!

-Oh, well, guess you'll
miss Captain Squash then.
-Captain Squash!

I forgot!

It's a 4th of July special.

-Nice revolt, dweeb.

OK, kids, let's get it in gear.

Time to go.

-Ready, mom.

-Kelly!

Bobby!

C'mon!

C'mon, that won't look good
if the parade director's
family's late to the
parade, you know!
-If you're not
going, I'm not going.
-Uh, look at me.

I look like a
walking [INAUDIBLE].
-I think you look good.

-Thanks, Bobby.

-OK, clue me in.

What's the real reason
you don't want to go?
-Did you ever say
you were going to do
something that you couldn't do?

-Uh, I am so there.

OK, so, like, you bragged all
over your munchkin friends
about a buzz cut, right.

And when you don't
show up with one,
they're going to
tease you to death.
-No!

Uh, yeah.

-OK, but all you have to
do is cover all your hair.
So they won't, like see, that
you don't have a buzz cut.
Uh, it's not going to work.

-What do you use when you
want to cover all you hair?
-I've got just the
thing you can use!
-Great!

But I'm still not
going if you aren't.
Look, Bobby, the parade
will be lots of fun,
you know, for someone like you.

You don't want to
miss out on that.
An-- and, you can't really--
you don't, you, you--
[SIGHS]

Hand me my torch.

Bring me your watchers, your
gawkers, your huddled masses,
urning to see me.

-OK, listen up everyone.

Remember to keep your spacing,
always smile to the crowd.
If you break down, move to
the side of the parade route.
-Hey, like, that's a
pretty cool outfit.
-Thanks, I like it.

-You didn't get a buzz cut.

-Uh-huh.

Did too.

It's, it's under my hat.

-That's a shower cap.

-I know.

And, And uh, I can't take it
off because my hair's still wet.
-That's a fib!

-Is not.

-Then show it to us.

[GASPS]

-You have all you hair!

-What?

I, I do?

Oh, oh, that's
right, yeah, yeah.
In my family our hair
grows back r-- really fast.
-Why didn't you
get your hair cut?
-Because my parent's
wouldn't let me.
-Hm, told ya.

-Hmm, you were right.

Guess being a parent means
never having to say yes.
It's not fair.

-You can say that again.

-OK, I will.

It's not fair!

What?

Am I alone on this?

-I wanted more allowance,
but my parent's said, no.
-Yeah, I wanted a TV in my room.

-I wanted a pony.

-Let's not go overboard.

You know what this
thing's all about?
Independence!

-Gee, Bobby, that's very good.

I didn't think you'd know.

-OK, what's the delay?

Come on, Bobby!

If you don't start--
If you don't start now,
you're going to throw off
the entire parade schedule.
What's going on, here?

-I wanna get a buzz cut.

-What?

A buzz cut?

Now?

Oh, now, now look
what you've done.
The, the, the
parents are coming.
The parents are coming.

The parents are coming.

-The parents are coming.

The parents are coming!

The parents are coming!

-Why are you waking
me at this hour?
-The parents are coming!

-So?

-Don't you know?

-No, tell us.

-The parents are coming.

It's our chance to be
independent, but only
if we work together.

I have a plan.

JACKIE: What's the plan?

-Nobody moves until my parents
say I can get a buzz cut.
Are you with me?

-Yeah, I'm there.

[BOYS]: Sure!

-OK, young lady,
either start peddling--
-Or face the consequences.

-No fireworks display tonight!

-Independence is
a lonely business.
MARTHA GENERIC: Yeah,
well, it's high tide you
and I had a heart
to heart chit chat.
You know, you really gave
your dad a conniption to fit
and the 4th of July
parade, do you know this?
-But you said the
4th of July was all
about fighting for stuff
that you really wanted.
And you really want this
new buzz cut don't cha?
-Am I in trouble?

-No.

you know, you remind me of me
and your dad when we were kids.
We thought hair
was important, too.
-You did?

-Oh, sure.

We use to rebel against our
parents about haircuts, too.
-You and dad were
revolutionaries?
Did you want short hair, too?

-Our parents did.

W- we wanted long hair.

Now, as a matter of fact,
hair was so important
that there was a
musical show about it.
Let's see, here's a picture of
your dad and me in high school.
Power to the people!

-Peace, and grooviness.

-What were you dressed up for?

-We were hippies.

Well, at least in
our own mind's eye.
-Oh.

-Oh, Bobby, you're
my special boy.
You always give my smile
muscles a work out.
You really want that haircut?

-Uh-huh.

-Well, I s'pose we parents
say no too hastily sometimes.
-Really?

I can't wait to tell Uncle Ted!

[DOG BARKING]

-Hey, hey!

Now reign it in there, Mr.
Paul Revere and the Raiders.
There are a few rules.

-Rules?

-Number one, no getting it cut
by your Uncle "Scissor Hands"
Ted.

And Number two, your
hair has to grow
out by the start of school.

Deal?

-Deal!

Can I get it now, huh, huh?

[CLOCK CHIMING]

-Well, Jumping Jehoshaphat!

OK, but we're going
to have to hurry!
-You're the greatest
mom in the whole world!
I'm gonna get a buzz cut!

-Now walk it out here, we
don't have a lot of time.
And the barber shop's
gonna close early today.
It's the 4th of July.

-Welcome to "Hair
Today, Gone Tomorrow."
This is master-hair
specialist, Snerd.
Uh, sorry-- stylist?

-Right.

-And this would be
master-hair stylist Meeker.
-Howdy Doody.

-We're graduates of
The Barber pole Academy
of Haircutting for the
Folically Challenged.
-We cut hair the
old-fashioned way--
-One strand at a time.

[LAUGHING]

-That's good.

-Sorry.

So what kind of hair haircut--

-Style.

-Style do you want?

-Trim.

-Traditional.

-Razor.

-Flat top with fenders.

-Mohican.

-Jerry.

-Sinead.

-Bart.

-And last, but not least,
Elvis, the hungry years.
-Yeah, I wish.

Oh,Bobby wants a, well,
well, you can tell 'em hon.
You're an independent
young man now.
-I want a buzz cut.

-Ooooo.

-Fine choice.

-Up to date.

-Good for summer.

-Nolo problemo.

One of the many
amenities we offer--
-Along with this plastic
bag suitable for preserving
your child's fallen
locks, at no extra cost.
-Is a videotape of
your child's haircut.
So the glory of this moment
can be watched again and again.
Just call me Frances
Ford Clippala.
Pffft.

[LAUGHING]

Tapes rolling, and action!

-Speed.

You just got here right on time.

We're closing early to
celebrate Independence Day.
[CRYING]

-That's my--

-Won't you excuse me?

Uno momento.

Don't worry, ma'am.

We specialize in giving
children's haircuts.
For the young man, a sucker.

-Well, this is
kinda like putting
the horse before the cart.

Shouldn't you wait
until he's done?
-Ordinarily, tradition
would dictate that.
But we are progressive
in this shop.
-Ma'am, leave it to us.

We're professionals.

[BOTH]: Haircuts are our life.

-Finito!

You want to see how
it looks in the back?
-Yeah!

I see it!

What do you think, mom?

-Well, it's short.

[GRUNTING]

-There you go, young man.

-And here's your
tape and memento.
-[SNIFFING]

Happy Independence Day.

-Be strong, man.

-Thanks!

I feel independent.

I can't wait ti
get home and show
everybody my special haircut.

-Uh, they better get here soon.

I don't want to
miss the fireworks.
-Hey, let's tease Bobby.

When they get
here, let's not say
anything about Bobby's haircut.

-Derek, that, that's
not very nice.
-He's always doing stuff to us.

-I'm all over that.

-Oh, I wish I would've
thought of that.
Oh, come on Howard,
it'll be fun.
OK, here they come.

Now, nobody say anything.

Come on!

-Well, how do I look?

-Empty handed, dweeb.

You're the only one not
carrying anything to the car.
[ALL TALKING]

-Bobby, hon, lock
Roger in the house.
-What good is getting a special
haircut if nobody notices?
-Wait a minute.

Bobby, do you have
your seat belt on?
-Yeah.

Wait a second, something
doesn't look right.
Oh, I know what it is,
you got your ears lowered.
[LAUGHTER]

-Sometimes dad's have
their own sense of humor.
-Gotcha!

-You thought we didn't
notice your haircut.
-We, we had you
going there, Bobbo.
The whole thing was my idea.

Ha ha!

-Ted made me do it.

-You didn't fool me.

I knew what you were doing.

-Looks way, way.

-It's rad.

-I had the same cut in the Army.

-You were a soldier
with a g*n, Uncle Ted?
-Well, sort of.

I was a cook with a spatula.

-Oh, it's so soft.

Can I run my feet
through your hair
-Of course not, Aunt Ruth.

This is only hair, not a rug.

[LAUGHING]

-You know something, it
kind of had a hart start,
but this is turning out to
be a great 4th of July, huh?
-Yes, indeedy.

Oh, we're getting close.

OK, everybody, now
let's practice.
Ooooooo!

[ALL]: Oooooo!

-Now here's a really big one.

Ahhhhh!

[ALL]: Ahhhhh!

JACKIE: Ohhh, Howard!

[ALL]: Ohhhh, Howard!

-Won't be long, now.

It's almost dark.

-Bobby, your lips are
trembling and blue.
-My head is cold.

-That's 'cause you don't
have any hair up there.
-Oh, here sweetheart, wear this.

you don't want to
catch a head cold.
-I'm telling you,
Ruthie's always prepared.
You know the time
I had a vapor lock,
Ruthie had a spare
carburetor in her bag.
Go figure.

-Here, OK.

That'll keep out the cold.

-Ha, ha, ha!

Nice, dweeb meister.

I didn't think you
could look funnier
than you did in
Kelly's shower cap.
[CROWD LAUGHING]

-I guess independence
comes with a price.
But it's a small price
to pay for independence.
[ALL]: Oohhhhh.

Ahhhhhh.

-Wow, look at you hair.

B-- Bobby, I thought
it was all shaved off.
-Isn't it amazing
what they can do
with make-up and
special effects?
-I'll tell you something,
that make-up, and that hair
department, they sure fooled me.

They made it look like you're
hair was totally shaved off.
-No, Howie.

They're amazing 'cause they made
it look like it all grew back.
-Well, I'll be.