07x05 - Puss in High Tops/Egg Over Easy: Part 1/The Beast from Beyond

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're, we're ♪

♪ Ready, ready ♪

♪ To, to ♪

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ I'm scared

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing ♪ Fiesta

♪ Romancing ♪ Siesta

♪ Samba

♪ La bamba, ay caramba

♪ Disguises, disguises ♪

♪ Surprises, surprises ♪

♪ And pies of

♪ And pies of all sizes

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

[Garfield] The funniest show on TV

that doesn't have a 1-800 number to buy cheap junk.

[light music]

♪

[Narrator] Once upon a time there was

an old miller who passed away

and left everything he owned to his three sons.

To the first son he left the deed

to his home, 25,000 Zord-Nicks, and a bejeweled watch.

And to his second son he left 10 head

of cattle, 25,000 Zord-Nicks, and the Klopman diamond.

And to his third son, Jonathan he left his cat.

[wet belch]

The young man named Jon was far from delighted

with his inheritance.

Rodney gets a house.

Percival gets cattle and what do I get?

A flea ridden old cat.

[Narrator] But this was no ordinary cat.

He said to his new master--

[Garfield] Do not fear new master.

I can make you rich and famous.

Just get me a sack and a pair of high tops.

High tops?

Why do you need high tops?

[Garfield] You'll see.

Now is it a deal?

[Narrator] The young man decided

that he didn't have anything to lose.

Except the price of the high tops.

[Narrator] Except the price of the high tops.

So he took the cat to a local seller of fine footwear.

And there they tried to outfit him properly

with a pair of high tops.

Oh now here's a pair you might like.

[Garfield] Oh I don't know, have you got anything

in green with purple stripes on 'em?

To match my eyes.

Oh and very important, they must have

the name of some overpaid basketball player on 'em.

[Narrator] The cat led the young man

to a country road not far from the castle

of his majesty the king.

Okay you got your shoes, you got your sack.

Now make me rich and famous.

[Garfield] Keep your britches on.

[Narrator] The cat's scheme involved capturing some

of the local game birds.

[Garfield] Step right up, right

this way ladies and partridges.

Waddle this way into the first amusement park

designed just for birds.

Ride on the little swing.

Play on a tiny plastic merry go round.

See the world's largest statue of a pigeon.

Generals come from miles around just to sit on it.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, got 'em.

Birds, a bag of birds is gonna make me rich and famous?

[Garfield] These aren't for you fella.

Wait right here.

[Narrator] The cat hurried to the palace

and was able to obtain an audience with the king himself.

You say you have a gift for me from your master the--

[Garfield] The Marquis of Bijou your pointed headedness.

He bids you enjoy these.

Well tell your master that I--

[Garfield] You let his gift fly away.

I am sorry but tell your master

that I am grateful nonetheless.

I don't believe I ever met the Marquis of Bijou.

[Garfield] You will, see ya king.

[Narrator] The then the crafty cat returned

to his master with a most unusual order.

You want me to do what?

[Garfield] Take off your clothes and get in the lake.

[Narrator] Jon didn't understand

but reluctantly he did as told.

Cold!

[high pitched yelping]

Oh boy, oh no!

[Garfield] Big sissy.

Now if I've timed this right the king should

be passing by with the princess any second.

Stop, my master needs help!

Whoa!

Who dares stop a royal processional?

Oh its you, cat.

What is wrong?

[Garfield] My master the Marquis of Bijou

was bathing in the lake and thieves stole his clothes.

Poor fellow, if he needs clothes I

could loan him some of my royal finery.

[Narrator] And so his highness loaned Jon

a suit of his best clothes.

So you're the Marquis of Bijou.

Who is?

I am, yes I am.

I am the Marquis of, what did you call me?

I can see you are of royal stock.

You obviously have blue blood.

[Garfield] After 10 minutes in that water he

has blue everything.

You know, I've been hoping my daughter

the princess would meet some handsome young man

of royal lineage.

[frantic gibberish]

[giggling]

[Garfield] Your majesty, what would the Marquis here

have to do to win your daughter's hand in marriage?

Oh nothing much, just slay the evil ogre in the castle.

Yes, yes, I will slay the evil ogre, evil ogre?

[panicked murmuring]

Mommy.

[Garfield] Don't worry your kingliness

that ogre is as good as slayed or Sloo-ed, or slain

or whatever the verb is.

[Narrator] Anyway the resourceful cat urged his master

up towards the ogre's castle.

[panicked murmuring]

[Garfield] If you were any less brave we could

have you declared a gelatin dessert.

I can't go fight an ogre.

[deep sigh]

[Garfield] You stay right here and grow a spine.

I'll be right back.

[Narrator] The cat had a plan.

[knocking]

Yes?

[Garfield] Good day sir, we're conducting

a survey and there could be a valuable prize

for ya if you answer a few simple questions.

Go ahead.

[Garfield] Good, now your name please.

Ogre.

[Garfield] And your occupation?

Ogre.

[Garfield] Ogre, you're not one

of those monsters who can turn, nah.

What'd ya mean?

[Garfield] I mean that well, ogres are supposed

to be able to change into any animal but that's impossible.

Name an animal.

[Garfield] Well okay, how about a lion?

Watch this.

[deep roar]

See.

[Garfield] Oh sure I gave you an easy one.

Now try changing into an orangutan, huh?

Betcha can't do that.

Watch this.

Are you convinced?

[Garfield] Oh anyone can do that.

Lets see you morph into a c*ck.

That would convince me.

Alright but this the last one.

Well, are you convinced now?

[squeaking thud]

[Garfield] Ogre's are so stupid.

[Narrator] And so the young man earned

the hand of the beautiful princess in marriage.

I now pronounce you, man and wife.

[cheering]

Well I have to hand it to you, cat, you did it.

You made me rich and famous and I got

to marry the princess and, what's this?

[Garfield] My bill.

Your bill?

[Garfield] Sure, you didn't think I

was gonna make you rich and famous

for a cheap pair of shoes did ya?

I'm not sure this such a happy ending.

The king gave us his castle but the place is a mess.

The moat's full of mud and the roof leaks

and look there's even a c*ck.

[Garfield] Well every house has a little imperfection

and ah, ah c*ck!

Step on me, will you?

[Garfield] Oh you're about to find out.

Find out what?

[Garfield] What the high tops are for.

[light music]

[ominous music]

Mornings.

[whimsical music]

Today we're both going to tell you about what happened

to Wade recently.

I better, like, get the same pay, man.

Wade had this idea, see.

He decided to become an egg again.

Ugh, maybe we better start at the top.

Ah, flashback please!

Wait I was gonna do that, man.

[Orson] Now as you know Wade suffers from a lot of fears.

Like he has a bad case of gumbo-phobia.

That's like the fear of finding

things you can't identify in your soup, man.

[dramatic music]

Help, help!

Unidentified thing in my soup, help!

Definitely not a matzo ball, oh help!

He also has a bad case of Walter phobia.

[Bo] The fear of people named Walter.

Oh help, a person named Walter, help!

Definite Walter person fear, help!

Oh and he also suffers from Delanophobia.

Wade, come out of there.

But I am afraid.

But there's nothing to afraid of.

There isn't, there's nothing to be afraid of!

Help, nothing to be afraid of, oh help, help, help!

Delanophobia is the fear of having nothing

to fear but fear itself.

Man, what a bummer.

Oh, and he even suffers from off tune-a-phobia.

That's the fear of having all your friends

sing Happy Birthday to you.

[Bo] Right, like we found this out

the other day when we were setting up a party for the dude.

Okay hurry up guys.

I have to get back to the coup and stand guard.

The weasel's been spotted around lately.

Hey the duck should be here any minute, man.

[light music]

Oh worry, oh dread, oh worry and dread in that order.

[Orson] Wade was in a more nervous mood than usual that day

so when we yelled surprise--

[Together] Surprise!

Ah, whoa!

Help, help, surprise party, oh help!

Wade, come back!

Its just a birthday party.

Hey we're wasting our time, man.

Compared to Wade when he's scared the Flash is a slow poke.

You're right, he'll come back when he's good and ready.

Wade finally stopped when he was halfway through the forest.

Oh woe is I'm.

Why am I such a fearful fowl?

Why oh why do I run in fear from everything under the sun?

Including the sun.

Why am I so timid?

No don't tell me, don't tell me.

I'm afraid of the answer.

[Orson] Wade was so philosophical

that he didn't hear someone nearby who really did have

a reason to be afraid.

[Sheldon] Help, weasel!

Sorry pal, I've been craving egg for a week now.

[Bo] It was like Sheldon, man.

And he had that old weasel dude hot on his heels.

[whimsical music]

Gotcha!

Now lets see shall I scramble you

or hard boil you or poach you?

[Sheldon] How about pretending its Easter

and hiding me some place?

Shut up!

[Sheldon] Okay.

It looked like Sheldon was in real trouble

but then he had an idea.

He turned on his sun lamp.

Maybe I'll soft boil ya on toast.

Then again, egg sandwiches are good.

Hey are you already cooking?

Are you, ah, ah, ah, ah!

[Orson] The weasel ran to the stream.

[deep sigh]

While Sheldon, quite proud of himself ran the other way.

[Sheldon] Wow, that was great.

I not only escaped from the weasel

but I got a nice tan in the process.

[Orson] In fact, Sheldon had pretty much forgotten his

narrow escape by the time he happened upon Wade.

[Sheldon] Hi, Wade.

Ah!

Oh, ha ha, its you Sheldon?

[Sheldon] What are you doing out here in the forest, Wade?

Oh I am reflecting on my lot in life.

An a rather empty lot it is.

I guess I was just born to be a coward.

[Sheldon] Oh, that's the kind of thing

that made me not wanna be born.

What'd ya mean?

[Sheldon] Well, just before I was supposed

to be hatched someone lined my nest with an old newspaper.

I peeked out and read the headlines.

I saw what was going on in the world.

Wars, the economy, the NBC fall schedule.

And I said no way, I'm staying in here.

But don't you miss a lot being a egg?

[Sheldon] Nope, I have everything I need right in here.

My stereo.

[soft music]

My aerobics tapes.

[Instructor] Lets step two, three, four.

Step two, three, four. Step two, three, four.

[Sheldon] And even all the latest video games.

[pinging lasers]

I wouldn't leave my shell for anything.

Hmm.

[Bo] And that was how the idea got planted

in the duck's noggin, I guess.

Gee, I was safer when I was an egg, too.

He rushed back to the farmyard where he started fashioning

a shell for himself out of paper mache.

[light humming]

He worked on it all day.

Building the bottom part from the outside

then the top part from the inside.

[light humming]

Finally, he was done.

[light humming]

[Wade] Make way for a egg.

A egg which cannot be harmed.

A egg which is secure in its own little egg shell, oh!

A egg which cannot see where it is going.

[Orson] But that wasn't Wade's biggest problem.

[Bo] No man, because like that egg loving weasel

was still around and--

[Orson] Oh no, this is awful.

No I haven't got to the awful part yet, man.

No not that, I mean we're out of time for this cartoon.

Well can't we, you know, get rid

of like some commercials, man.

No, we'll just have to continue this in our next episode.

So come back and I'll tell ya what happened

to Wade the egg.

Ah no, like I'll tell ya.

No I will tell them.

[Bo] No man, I'm gonna tell 'em.

[Orson] Excuse me, I'll tell.

[Bo] Well wait a second, like who made you--

[Orson] Oh my.

[dramatic music]

[Garfield] Millions of years ago this planet

was inhabited chiefly by large reptiles

we now call dinosaurs.

One day one of them wandered off from the others.

Suddenly the whole area began to shake.

The dinosaurs panicked, not knowing which way to run.

Strange volcanic fumes overcame the prehistoric beast.

There he lay for millions of years.

At first it looked like a routine highway demolition job.

[loud expl*si*n]

[ominous music]

But then a gust of fresh air,

or what passes for it these days, filled

the cavern deep within the hillside and someone awoke.

[vicious roar]

Some kind of dinosaur, ah!

[Worker] Whoa, dinosaur!

I must conquer this planet.

[Garfield] For days he studied the new inhabitants

of this world and soon he had concocted

a fiendish plan to rule all human beings.

He decided--

I'll paint myself pink and get my own TV show.

[Announcer] And now its time

for the Sidney the Pink Dinosaur Show!

[Garfield] Frightening, horrifying, appalling, yes.

But its also one of--

[Announcer] Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.

[Garfield] Oh look, the cat gets a scene

in his own show, how innovative.

[Announcer] Stay tuned for the Sidney

the Pink Dinosaur Show, coming up next.

[Garfield] Boy you have to be pretty dumb

to watch that show.

I can't wait for Sidney the Pink Dinosaur.

How 'bout you, Odie?

[high pitched barking]

[light music]

♪ Good is better than bad

♪ Happy is better than sad

♪ My advice is just be nice

♪ Good is better than bad, everybody ♪

♪ Good is better than bad

♪ Happy is better than sad

♪ My advice is just be nice

♪ 'Cause good is better than bad ♪

[Garfield] Jon, Jon are you in there?

Sidney is right, good is so much better than bad.

[light bark]

[Garfield] Well that's a news break for ya.

The handsome cat decided to run down

to the TV station and find out about

this creature first hand.

Good is better than bad.

Its nice to be nice.

Its mean to be mean.

Happy is so much better than mad.

[Garfield] He's got everyone under his spell.

The heroic cat dashed off for the TV station

where Sidney was just finishing his program.

So remember everyone, tune in tomorrow

for a special important message

from your friend, Sidney the pink dinosaur.

Bye!

Some special message.

Wait 'til they hear it.

[maniacal cackle]

Right now, I need a touch up.

[ominous music]

Now that all humans are under my spell I will order them

to serve me, to wait on me hand and foot.

[Garfield] Hey, that's my routine.

Hey you, were you spying on me?

[Garfield] Oh no, spying is bad and bad is not good.

Good.

[whimsical music]

Wha, what are you doing with my paint?

[Garfield] Uh-oh, I'm dead meat.

I need my pink paint, give it back.

That paint makes people think I'm cute

instead of [maniacal laughter] threatening.

[Garfield] Stay tuned to this channel for further details.

[dramatic music]

One coat covers most exteriors, side molding, doors

and cold blooded prehistoric reptiles.

Boy they make a paint for everything.

[dramatic music]

[harsh crunching]

Alright cat, I want my pink paint back and I want it now!

[Garfield] And that's when the clever cat switched

Sidney's pink paint for a can of pink paint remover.

Here, give me that.

I have to touch myself up here

so that they'll never suspect I'm not all pink and cute.

Hey you, come back here!

These are the top stories.

[wet squishing]

Everything is fine and wonderful

and we must all do as Sidney the dinosaur says.

[Garfield] I'm trapped!

Ha, this is your finish, cat!

[Garfield] But actually it was Sidney's finish

that was the problem.

[deep roar]

Hey, Sidney's a dinosaur.

[Crew member] A ferocious dinosaur.

[soft growl]

Sidney, he's not cute!

He's a monster.

[Crew] Oh no run, outta my way!

Help a monster!

They're afraid of me?

They're no longer under my spell!

[whimpering]

I just wanted to rule all mankind.

Is that so awful?

[Garfield] Maybe not, but I think I can arrange

the next best thing.

You can?

[Garfield] And so the plucky cat became Sidney's manager.

[upbeat music]

He got him a series of jobs in science fiction movies.

The films made Sidney rich and famous.

In fact, he bought himself a 16 acre tar pit

in Malibu and of course, dumped his agent.

These parts I've been playing,

what I really wanna do is direct.

[Garfield] The birth of a new star or a monster?

Sometimes its hard to tell here on,

Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff!

Direct, when I found him he didn't even know what

a camera was.

[upbeat music]