07x09 - Sit on It/Kiddy Korner/Brainwave Broadcast

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're ♪ We're

♪ Ready ♪ Ready

♪ To ♪ To

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing ♪ Fiesta

♪ Romancing ♪ Siesta

♪ Samba ♪ La bamba

♪ Ay Caramba

♪ Disguises ♪ Disguises

♪ Surprises ♪ Surprises

♪ And pies of

♪ And pies of all sizes

♪ Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

[Garfield] Today, a Saturday morning investigative report.

Where did all those smurfs go?

[bamboo xylophone music]

[reads in foreign language]

That means,

I notice how nice the lights are.

Huh, boy it's tough to learn Spanish.

Burrito, frijoles, taco,

now what more do you need to know?

[sigh] Why did I enroll in that night school course?

To meet girls, and that isn't working either.

I have to study for the big test tomorrow,

but I can take 10 minutes off to watch some TV.

This is so strange.

Half the time when I turn on the set,

it's turned to a channel with nothing on it.

Why would the TV be turned to a channel,

that doesn't have anything on it?

Shh, don't tell him.

Nah, I don't wanna watch TV,

maybe I'll grab a quick nap, and then study some more.

John doesn't suspect a thing.

Every cat knows the secret code to call up the cat channel.

Let's see what's on.

[Announcer] You're watching W K A T,

special television programming, exclusively for cats.

Remember, allowing a human being, dog,

or other non-feline creature to view this channel

is expressly prohibited.

Tonight, tune in for Kat Kwiz.

The only game show for cats.

I'll take other animals for 200 Alex.

Alright and, for $200 the answer is,

A disgusting creature with no brains and no purpose.

[buzzer sounds]

Fluffy!

What is a dog?

[Alex] That is correct!

I knew that.

[Announcer] And now, more of Keep Purring

with your host Many Minx.

Thank you, thank you.

Now, as I was saying, there are certain things

a cat should do every 24 hours.

Number one, sleep half the day.

I've done that today.

Twice!

[Many] Number two, torment a puppy.

Hold on,

[violin music]

[muffled sounds]

done that!

[violin music]

Number three, eat everything in the kitchen.

Do you have to ask?

Number four, claw one item of furniture to ribbons.

I think this used to be an easy chair,

or maybe it was an end table, oh well, done it.

And lastly, number five, sit on something

a human is interested in, and refuse to move.

Done it, uh, no, haven't done it.

Observe.

Notice the careful placement on the newspaper,

skillfully blocking precisely the item

that woman wanted to read.

And this cat has learned how to add insult to injury,

arrogantly washing himself

while disrupting this man's reading.

Remember, sitting on what a human is trying to read,

is not just your right, it's your duty.

He's right, he's absolutely right.

I'm shirking my responsibilities as a feline.

Well it's never too late.

[yawning] That was a great nap,

but I better get back to my Spanish.

Hi Garfield, could I have my book there?

My Spanish book?

You're sitting on my Spanish book and, I need it.

Garfield, that's my Spanish book.

I need my Spanish book.

That's why I'm lying on it.

Garfield I need my that book,

I have to study for my test.

You have a whole house full of things you can lie on,

what do you say?

[snoring]

Okay, I've had enough of this,

off the book right this minute.

[snoring]

Oh well, I guess I can't study for my Spanish class,

I'll go out for a walk.

[door clicks shut]

Oh!

Nice try.

Of course, I know how to get him off there.

[dishes clinking together]

Oh Garfield, I just made a nice

corn beef sandwich with extra mustard for you.

Corn beef sandwich with extra mustard?

Oh boy I just love-

No wait, I have to sit on this book, it's my job.

And I made a couple of hamburgers too!

Hamburgers!

Oh all day I've been craving a-

Nope, I'm sitting on a book.

And what is this, I seem to have cooked a

hot heaping portion of,

Not lasagna, please not lasagna!

Anything but lasagna!

Why it looks like, lasagna!

Ouch!

If it has sausage in it, I won't be able to contain myself.

Gee, I may have put too much sausage in it.

Ah!

[fast paced music]

It worked, it worked!

It, it, how did you?

[burp]

No!

Okay, that's enough, get off!

Get off, get off, get off, get off, get off,

off, off, off, off, off!

I'm not taking your lying down, lying down!

[grunting]

This is a piece of cake.

No one can get a cat off something they wanna sleep on.

[grunting]

Okay, you're forcing me to get rough.

Alright Garfield, since you won't get off my Spanish book,

you're making me resort to, this!

Ah ha h* hoo!

[crash]

Yow!

Oh, okay, that does it, that does it!

[engine starts up]

Hey get off of my bull dozer!

[crashing sound]

I did it! I got him off my book!

I got my Spanish book back!

I, I, Ayayay!

What have I done?

I've wrecked my whole house!

I'm ruined!

Does your insurance cover this?

I don't know, maybe, if it does, I'm saved.

I'll check my policy and find out.

It's right over here on my desk.

Oh I hope my insurance covers this, I hope,

it's right over here, right here on the desk.

Garfield, you're sitting on my insurance policy,

and I have to read, Garfield?

[sobbing]

Yeah, I know it's cruel, but it's my job.

[sobbing]

[slow jazz beat music]

[bird whistles]

[laughing]

Ah!

[trumpet sound]

Enjoy yourself outside Garfield?

I thought I'd die laughing.

[fast italian string music]

[Orson] For over two years

he toiled in the Siberian hinterland,

knowing well that his wife and children,

were leagues away in Moscow.

If that be true, good pheasant,

this is a dire lost.

Da comrade, is true that.

[bell rings]

Hold it!

Stop the episode!

Halt!

Just whet do you think you're doing here, may I ask?

Oh we're doing our version of the book

Dr. Zhivago by Boris Pasternak.

This is a cartoon show, not masterpiece theater!

Strike the set!

I want you to know that we're not very happy at,

[horn sound]

the network!

You're with

[horn sound]

the network?

Take a gander at this!

Aloysius Pig,

[horn sound]

the network.

Yes, and for this episode,

we want you to do nursery rhymes!

Well is that so we can attract younger viewers?

No it's because nursery rhymes

are all they can understand at

[horn sound]

the network.

I'll ignore that.

We want nursery rhymes, and make them wholesome!

And educational!

Doing Dr Zhivago with a duck, that's not right!

They want us to do nursery rhymes!

Well it looks like our choice is clear.

Right!

We can either stand up for our principles,

and fight for what we believe in.

Or we can give in, do nursery rhymes,

and protect our jobs here, right?

[Announcer] And now, Mother Duck's Nursery Rhymes.

[Male singer] Wee Willy Winky, run through the town.

Upstairs, and downstairs, in his nightgown.

Rapping at the window.

[bell rings]

Stop that, stop it!

[Male singer] Eh.

What's wrong?

We're doing nursery rhymes like you asked.

Running around the city in a night gown,

that's not right!

But that's the nursery rhyme!

Wee Willy Winky runs through the town-

I don't care!

You wanna teach your children

to run around in their pajamas?

That's indecent!

We don't tolerate that kind of thing at

[horn sounds]

the network.

Okay, let's try another one.

Are you ready Roy and Layland?

ROY: Ready! LAYLAND: Ready!

Georgie Peorgie.

Ah hem.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,

kissed the girls,

[kissing sound]

and made them cry!

[crying]

When the boys came out-

[bell ring]

Hold it!

Kissing the girls, and making them cry!

That's very antisocial behavior!

So is beating up people who work for

Da dum!

The network.

Watch it rooster, I can have you preempted

for a golf match next week.

Why I oughta!

Just stop it you two!

Roy, read a different nursery rhyme.

Okay, go get into your Miss Muffet suit.

Kissing the girls and making them cry, that's not right!

And now, the story of little Miss Muffet.

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet,

Sitting on her tuffet, that sounds naughty!

It's a pillow!

Eating her curds and whey!

La la la la!

Along came a spider,

who sat down beside her-

[bell rings]

[Aloysius] Hold it!

Uh, okay, what is it now, network boy?

What's the next line?

I was just about to get to it, we'll see.

Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, spider was, hm hm,

and frightened Miss Muffet away!

If it scares her, it will scare the children.

Do something wholesome.

Sitting on tuffets and scaring people, that's not right!

He want's wholesome, we'll give him wholesome, music!

Goosey, goosey, gander, where do you wander?

Upstairs, and downstairs, and in my ladies chamber.

[Lady] Ah!

Get out of my chamber!

I'm sorry ma'am.

There I met an old man, who wouldn't say his prayers.

I took him by the left leg, and threw him down the stairs?

Throwing an old man down the stairs!

What kind of an example is that,

to set for children?

It's right here in the book!

[Male singer] Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,

to get her poor doggy a bone,

A cameo guest star, good, good!

[Male singer] But when she got there,

the cupboard was bare,

and so the poor doggy had none.

Awe.

Starving a cameo guest star, how rude!

[Male singer] She went to the bakers,

to buy him some bread.

But when she came back,

the doggy was dead.

k*lling a cameo guest star, that's even ruder!

Wait a minute, that's the nursery rhyme,

see, it's right here.

When she came back, the doggy was dead.

Thanks Odie!

I don't care what it says,

we don't k*ll dogs on TV cartoon shows!

Especially a dog with high ratings and a good agent.

Oh wait a minute, there must be one in here

we can do on TV!

Oh three blind mice!

Making fun of un-sighted mice,

and cutting their tails off!

That's barbaric!

Humpty Dumpty!

More death, just say nothing of high cholesterol.

Okay, uh, who k*lled c*ck Robin?

Nevermind, I know, more m*rder.

Boy this is the most violent episode we've ever done.

All these rhymes have death,

and people falling down and breaking their crowns.

Come up with a wholesome nursery rhyme,

or there'll be an infomercial in this time slot next week!

Oh, what are we gonna do?

I don't want an infomercial here.

Hm, I think we have to turn things over

to the dirty tricks department.

[bass string plucked]

Roy?

I thought you'd never ask.

[typewriter noises]

[laughing]

Oh yes.

[laughing]

[knock at the door]

Go away, I'm programming the fall schedule!

But Mr. Aloysius sir,

we found a wholesome nursery rhyme,

[doorbell]

and you are the only one whose magnificent singing voice

can do it justice.

Well, I do have the music in me.

This one here?

That one there.

And really sell it.

[bell rings]

♪ There once was a pig, named Aloysius. ♪

♪ He wanted poems that were not vicious. ♪

♪ People got sick of his shrill harangue. ♪

♪ And so he was covered with lemon meringue. ♪

Lemon Meringue?

You mean, pie throwing?

That's an act of aggression, it's, it's-

Are those pies?

After him!

Stop! I'll cancel you!

I'll put a golf match in your time slot!

♪ We'll bring to you, when we're back next time. ♪

[Aloysius] No, help!

♪ Something more wholesome than a nursery rhyme. ♪

Throwing pies at the network, that's not right!

No, can't do this one on a cartoon show.

No not this one, probably never let us do this one.

[electric guitar playing]

[chime music]

Greetings intelligencia.

I'm here in the control room today,

where I'm going to answer one of the questions

most asked in our mail.

Typical is this letter from Ms Pseudonym,

who lives in the city of phony letter Nebraska, she writes,

Dear TV people, I understand that Garfield

is a cat so he cannot talk.

What I wanna know is why when I watch his show,

I can hear what he's thinking.

Signed Pseudonym.

Good question Pseu!

And here's the little baby that makes it all possible,

the telepathevisionator.

[robot noises]

The telepathevisionator picks up thought waves

and converts them to television audio waves

so that you can hear what I'm thinking.

And this is an extra powerful model,

that can work on anyone.

[robot noises]

Let's see a little demonstration shall we?

This microphone will pick up thoughts,

and amplify'em so you can hear.

[whistle]

We'll start small, let's see

what's on the mind of that squirrel.

[whistle]

One measly little peanut?

Cheapskate!

Would it hurt you to buy some walnuts?

Some cashews!

How bout an almond or two, huh?

Okay, let's see if we can hear the thoughts

of the bird over there in this bird bath.

Hey, I'm taking a bath here,

stop looking at me!

Do I look on you when you're bathing?

Go on, get outta here!

And continuing our demonstration,

let's see if we can read the thoughts

of this typical puppy.

[panting]

It works!

If I turn up the power on it,

it'll even pick up the thoughts of human beings,

like Jon and his date out rowing on the lake.

And if you'll always be my baby,

I'll always love you!

Jon that was wonderful.

[beep sound]

I'm not sure which is making me sicker,

this boat ride, or his singing.

You know Marian, we get along so well,

we should go out next week too!

Oh Jon, I'd really like that.

I'll move to another city.

I'll change my name so he can't find me.

Maybe dye my hair?

Tomorrow would you like to go with me

to the cookie museum and see

the worlds oldest graham cr*cker?

I can't think of anything that would be more fun.

Except hitting myself on the head

with a baseball bat for an hour.

See how well it worked?

Oh if you're wondering why we couldn't hear Jon's thoughts,

well, same reason as the puppy.

Here I'll show you how it works on men too.

Any second now I move in and rob that bank.

Rob that bank?

Did he think what I think he thought?

It's not my problem, no sir, not my problem.

I don't have money in that bank.

I don't even use their toasters.

Why are you all looking at me like that?

Gee I wonder if this thing can tell me

what the folks at home are thinking?

Garfield what's the matter with you?

Where's your conscience?

You should help these people out!

Alright, alright, I'll do something about it.

By the way, the kid in Cincinnati,

does your mother know you're thinking

about things like that?

That's right chief, I'm trying to make

a couple of important decisions

about the case you assigned me.

Maybe I should have a jelly donut.

A glazed, or maybe one glazed, one with powdered sugar.

Officer, that mans about to rob the bank.

I heard his thoughts, you have to do something, hurry!

What, oh nothing chief,

I seem to have a crazy cat out here.

Yeah, otherwise nothing happening.

Get out of my way cat, I have important matters to tend to.

I have to make him realize the bank is about to be robbed.

[fast paced music]

I hope you realize, I'm only doing this for you.

[dream music]

I'll just have the usual Alice.

Coming right up officer.

Since I can't talk, I'll have to use more drastic

means to communicate with the policeman.

Hey Alice, I gotta get back on duty.

Oh I'll have your order for you in a jiff!

Let's see, let me proof read.

Oops, for got to dot my cruller.

Hey, let's test the telepathe, whatever this thing is,

on the two of them.

Here you go officer.

[beep sound]

Hey, he's cute, maybe he'll ask me out to dinner some night.

Thanks Alice!

Hey, she's cute, maybe she'll give me

a discount on donut holes sometime.

No, no don't eat it, read it!

Hey Alice, what's this all about?

What, what do you mean?

These donuts and crullers, they spell out

bank being robbed.

Who did this?

The show is called Garfield and friends,

does that give you any hints?

You did this, cat?

Someone's robbing the bank?

Do I have to spell it out for you?

I just spelled it out for you.

That's right, all available units,

the bank at Elm and Laurel.

[sirens]

Alright, give it up!

[gasp]

[flute music]

Isn't this bank being robbed?

No, it isn't.

Alright we barricaded the streets

for two miles in every direction,

where are the bank robbers?

There, there aren't any, uh bank robbers, sir.

OFFICER: No bank robbers huh?

Well who told you there were?

Uh, this is me leaving.

That cat!

Cat, you're going to the slammer for this.

[fast paced music]

[crash sound]

Uh I'm so sorry sir, I was chasing a cat.

Hey that's the guy whose mind we read,

who said he was gonna rob the bank.

Here let me help you,

and you dropped your g*n and your hold up note, and, hey!

That stick up Stanley, the most wanted

bank robber in the country!

Good work Jonson.

[crowd chatter]

Hello, someone else deserves a little credit.

Yoo hoo!

I know how to handle this.

Hey look Marian, this policeman on TV

caught a wanted bank robber.

Officer did you have any help

in this important arrest?

Oh no no, I did it all myself,

[beep sound]

Actually this orange cat should get most of the credit,

and any free donuts.

That's my cat Marian!

Did you hear me?

[splash]

Marian you don't have to swim to shore, I'll row you!

Marian was it that bad a date?

Marian? Marian? Marian!

[theme song instrumental]