07x11 - Thoroughly Mixed-Up Mouse/The Old Man and the Mountain/Food Fighter

[bunniefuu]

[Narrator] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're ♪ We're

♪ Ready ♪ Ready

♪ To ♪ To

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party

♪ We're ready

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in

♪ Come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in

♪ It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing ♪ Fiesta

♪ Romancing ♪ Siesta

♪ Samba ♪ La bamba

♪ Ay caramba

♪ Disguises ♪ Disguises

♪ Surprises ♪ Surprises

♪ And pies of

♪ And pies of all sizes

♪ Come on in

♪ Come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in

♪ It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in

♪ It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

[Garfield] Today, a look into our writer's joke file.

That's right, we examine both jokes.

[upbeat bell music]

You know Floyd, cats don't have people

putting out traps to catch them.

Cats don't have lady see them and jump on a chair.

Say Irwin, are you hungry?

You know another thing about cats.

You know I am.

I'm gonna pop into this house and grab a bite.

Wait here.

Cats don't have to do that to catch food either.

People put it out for them, wait on them.

You ever hear of someone stopping

at the supermarket to buy mouse food?

Never.

You know, Irwin's a nice guy,

but all he does all day is talk about cats.

Cats do this and cats do that.

All he talks about.

Well speak of the devil.

I'm out of here!

CAT: I'll get you mouse!

And the way they go meow.

So much classier than squeaking.

Irwin, run for it!

[upbeat Rock music]

[heaving breathing]

I'll get you cat!

You don't wanna get me.

What's there to get?

Hi Garfield.

Hi Floyd.

Hey, a double play.

Let's get out of here before you become a sacrifice.

I just wanted a snack.

I'll see what's in the kitchen but,

I warn you, there won't be much.

This is, after all, my kitchen.

See how terrific he is?

Cats are just so neat.

They're always-.

Irwin, if you don't mind me asking,

how come you're always going on and on

and on about how great cats are?

Well...

It's because I wanna be one.

You wanna be a cat?

Irwin, you're a mouse.

You can't be a cat.

Why not?

Every mouse should have the right to be a cat!

Did you ever see this guy who does this TV show for kids?

And you can be anything you want to be boys and girls,

anything at all.

You see, you see?

He says I can be whatever I wanna be.

Well, what I wanna be is a cat.

Irwin!

He means you can be successful or

have any kind of job you want.

He didn't mean you could change your species.

Here.

I found a cookie I missed in my 10am kitchen search.

Garfield, Irwin here wants to be a cat.

Can you eat?

Yeah.

Can you sleep?

Sure.

He has all the necessary skills.

I can be a cat, a real and for truly pussycat?

Well, let's just say you're an honorary

feline and leave it there.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm about three naps behind for the day.

At last, I've made it!

I'm a cat.

Meow, meow, hiss, hiss, hiss.

[mouse laughs]

Garfield, you think this honorary cat business

is such a good idea?

All we do is sleep and eat all day.

Well if you say so.

If I'm a cat, I'm gonna have to do cat-like things

like purr and spit a lot and lick my fur.

Yeah but I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I guess I have to start eating cat food too.

Let me see, what's in this?

Kidney parts, animal by-products, grain filler?

It won't be easy but a cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do.

This is what cats eat?

No wonder they're always spitting.

[heavy panting]

It's a dog.

It's a dog and I'm a cat and I know what dogs do to cats.

Oh please Mr. Dog, don't hurt me.

Please!

Oh no, don't hurt me!

He's tasting me.

Help!

Meow, hiss, hiss.

Save me from the dog, save me from the dog!

[dog barking]

Boy, I can run faster now that I'm a cat.

I'll have to be aware of dogs though.

They chase cats just like cats chase mice.

Chase mice, that's right!

I forgot as a cat, I have to chase mice.

Come on Irwin.

Let's get out of here and go find some cheese.

I don't eat cheese mouse.

I'm a cat, meow, hiss.

Irwin, Irwin, the joke is over.

Meow, meow, meow, and hiss, hiss, hiss, meow.

Irwin, Irwin, Irwin, this isn't funny.

Now Irwin, stop this.

You are not a cat.

IRWIN: Don't you try to trick me mouse.

Irwin, have you considered switching to

decaffeinated coffee?

Maybe I'll be safe in here.

[animals snoring]

No I won't.

Oh rats.

I lost my mouse.

Hey, fellow cats.

No you cheesehead.

Don't!

Hiya guys!

Any of you guys seen a delicious looking mouse around here?

They're like really asking for it lately.

Hey, I'm a cat!

Don't you guys know a cat when you see one?

I'm one of you guys.

This is brutal.

I gotta get Garfield to straighten this out.

Boy, is this the way cats treat other cats?

Come on.

You started this, now you gotta stop it.

They won't discourage me and you won't discourage me.

I've always wanted to be a cat and a I cat I shall be.

I wouldn't dream of discouraging you Irwin

as long as you don't discourage me.

Discourage you?

From what?

I've never told this to a living soul before but,

I want to be a dog.

Garfield.

There, I've said it.

Well then you should become a dog.

As you encouraged me, I encourage you.

From now on Garfield, you are a dog.

Really?

Really.

Good.

That means I get to chase cats like you.

But, but, but.

[mouse yells]

Hey, come back here cat!

Meow, hiss, hiss, meow!

[cat barking]

Let's see what's in this food I've been feeding him.

I'm trapped like a rat.

Bow wow, arf, and other dog sounds.

No, please Garfield, please.

You're not a dog, you're a cat, you're a nice cat.

But if you could be a cat, then I can be a dog, right?

In that case, I'm not a cat.

I'm a mouse.

Look, look, look I have mouse ears and I squeak.

Squeak, squeak, squeak.

Do you hear that?

Well if you're a mouse, since I don't chase mice.

I'm a mouse!

You hear that world?

I am a mouse!

I'm a mouse and I am proud to be a mouse!

Hey, nice job Garfield.

You've probably saved his life.

Well he'd never make it as a cat.

He's much too active.

[Floyd] But you know, there may be

something you could do for me.

[Garfield] Name it.

[Floyd] Well as you know,

I've always wanted to be on the show every week.

[Garfield] Don't be ridiculous.

[upbeat music]

Odie?

Odie?

Orson, you won't believe this but,

the cow is giving milk!

The cow is giving milk!

What'll we do?

Wade, the cow is supposed to give milk.

She's a cow.

I'm sorry.

When you get in panic mode, it's hard to stop you know.

Orson, I hope I don't annoy you when I come

running to you for the least little thing.

I sometimes feel like the guy in this book.

What guy in what book?

This book.

It's about an old wise man who lives atop a mountain.

People climb up there and he shares his wisdom with them.

I'm very glad I have you down here at sea level

and not atop no mountain, no how, no way.

[pig sighs]

Yeah, I'm so lucky.

I forget that I am a fortunate duck in many ways.

I have my good friend and advisor, Orson.

And I have my place to sleep and

hide under a roof here in the barn.

And I have a big, fat, ugly pig sleeping here in my bed.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

Help!

Big, fat, ugly pig in my bed, pig in a blanket!

Help!

Help Orson!

Brother of yours using my comforter!

I'm sick of living in a mud hole.

That's why I'm moving in here.

Will it do any good for me to object?

[loud crashing]

Well in that case, I wouldn't object.

This is my house now.

I live here, I sleep here,

and I get any mail addressed to occupant.

[door slams shut]

I am not going to take this lying down.

I'm will run screaming and panicking all over the place,

but I will not lie down!

Help Orson!

How do I get your brother to give me back my-.

Wait a minute.

I am doing it again, troubling my good friend Orson

who will not be my good friend forever

if I keep dumping my problems on him.

Who else can help me with my little problem?

Of course!

The old wise man who lives atop the mountain.

Solving a problem like this, that oughta be easy.

[heavy panting]

Getting up to him, now that's not so easy.

I made it...I think.

Greetings!

I've been expecting you!

You were?

How'd you know I was coming to see you?

How'd I know, I'm the old wise man who knows everything!

That makes sense.

Oh old wise man who knows everything,

I am in need of your advice.

I knew that too!

But first, you must put your trust in my ideas.

I put my trust in your ideas.

You must put your hope in my counseling.

I put my hope in your counseling.

And you must put $99.95 in my hand.

I put $90...

That's for plain old good advice.

Great advice is $200 and excellent advice is $300 and up.

Alright, alright!

Lay a little good advice on me wise man.

You see, there's this big pig.

Stop.

You must look to the skies for the

answers to that which perturbs you.

For life is but a jungle and we are all animals within it.

Do you know what it means when the lion roars?

The movie's about to start?

No!

It means he is warning all that they

must not encroach on his world.

So roar my son.

Roar like the lion!

Roar like a lion?

Alright.

[heavy wheezing]

After all that climbing,

I don't know if I have the strength

to roar like a kitty cat, let alone a lion,

but roar I must for the old wise man

said it would work and he knows everything.

Besides, I gave him almost $100.

[duck growling]

Now, what do you say to that?

I think I need better advice.

[heavy breathing]

If he's so wise, how come he doesn't know about escalators?

I knew you'd be back.

And I knew that you knew that I'd be back.

Here is $200.

Old wise man, give me great advice please.

The eagle may soar high my son,

but what of the lonely sparrow?

Is it not fowly to sweep the sand away from the beach?

Please get to the part where I do something.

The smallest insect can fill the

mightiest beast if it buzzes like a bee.

That is what you must do.

Buzz like a bee?

You got it.

Buzz like a bee, the man says.

Well it's worth a try.

[duck buzzing]

There, you have been buzzed like a bee.

What now large swine?

I am getting perturbed!

I think it is time for the best and most expensive advice.

[duck wheezing]

Why do I have to do this?

Why doesn't he just install a 1-900 number?

Here, here is all the money I have in the world!

Take it!

Just give me the best possible advice.

I knew you would come-.

Yeah, I know you knew I was coming back!

Everyone knew I was coming back!

Even they knew I was coming back.

Just advise me please.

As the fish swims through the sea, so does every-.

Stop!

This is a seven minute cartoon.

Stop with the philosophical jazz and

just tell me how to get the pig out of my bed!

What do you want me to do, bark like a dog,

meow like cat, make yellow belly sap sucker sounds

like a yellow bellied sap sucker?

Tell me!

If I were you, I'd move somewhere else.

Move somewhere else?

Move somewhere else?

You mean, give up?

Is that what you're telling me?

In a manner, yes.

I've been doing that my entire life!

Well then I guess you didn't need me!

I had a hunch that was gonna happen.

But wait!

I cannot move somewhere else!

I have no money left!

Gee, what a shame.

I had a real good day.

In fact, I'm gonna give up this old wise man routine.

That job was never that great.

Commute from the valley, it takes forever.

See ya!

Woe is me!

I have no place to live and no money.

What will I do?

[heavy panting]

Where is the old wise man?

I have traveled far to seek his advice.

I knew you were coming my son.

You did?

How did you know?

I am the old wise man of the mountain.

I know everything.

Give me some money.

The answer to your problem my son

lies in that which prowls the jungles of the skies.

[upbeat Disco music]

Grocery bill, Chinese food home delivery, bakery.

Garfield!

Either you're gonna have to eat less

or I'll have to get a part-time job.

The help wanted section.

How cute.

Hey, here's something.

Part-time personal chef wanted.

I could do that.

Hey, you can't be someone else's part-time cook.

You're already my full-time cook.

Yeah I'm looking for somebody who can

cook for George Fisticuff.

George Fisticuff, the heavyweight boxing champion?

Please, please, please!

I must have the job.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, I need a reference.

What can you show me to prove that you know how to cook?

[cat burps]

You're hired.

Where's lunch Max?

I haven't eaten since 11:45 and it's almost noon.

George, George, George, the match is tomorrow

and you're at your perfect fighting weight now.

Nah.

Max, I don't need to diet.

I can beat Crusher Krelmin with

one hand tied behind my back and a turkey leg in the other.

[loud banging]

COACH: Crusher Krelmin!

What are you doing here?

The fight is tomorrow night.

I know, I know.

I just thought I'd get a rare glimpse of you standing up.

Yeah well when I get through with you,

they're gonna have to close your face

down weekend so it doesn't scare small children.

Yeah?

Yeah!

This is a great job Garfield,

preparing diet meals for the heavyweight champ.

And since he can't have any fattening food,

I'm making sure it doesn't go to waste.

You're gonna be on the canvas longer

than Whistler's mother!

Yeah well tomorrow night,

you're gonna be lucky if you live through the weigh-in.

Yeah?

Yeah!

We'll see about that!

See why I want you at your perfect fighting weight?

I don't need anymore convincing.

Chef!

You cheffed, sir-- champ?

I can't eat another thing 'til after the fight tomorrow.

No matter what I say, no matter what I do,

don't give me any food!

No food.

Got it.

And remember, if you feed me and I lose

that fight on account of it.

You won't, you won't, I won't, we won't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah good.

You guys have fun.

See you in the ring tomorrow champ!

Don't worry, I'll keep you on your diet.

I'll be in the kitchen.

Arbuckle, I change my mind.

I need a sandwich to tie me over.

But you said that I wasn't supposed-.

Nevermind what I said!

I want a ham sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes,

mayo, extra mustard, and pickles!

Yes sir.

Here you go champ.

Don't give me that!

Didn't you hear me?

You want me to lose the fight?

No food, you got that?

This job may not be as easy as-.

Garfield, what are you doing?

I'm doing the champ a favor.

Getting all the microwave pizzas out of here

in a non-wasteful manner.

I don't know if you should be...

Hey Arbuckle!

Do I smell pizza?

Pizza with pepperoni, sausage, onion, bell peppers,

and extra cheese.

Good nose.

But you said not to let you have

anything to eat that was gonna-.

Let me have some pizza right now!

Yes sir.

Here you go sir.

Nice, hot, fresh, microwave-.

I can't eat pizza!

I don't want to see any food around here

and I don't want to smell any food

around here 'cause if I do.

You won't champ, honest.

I better not or you'll be flatter than a pancake.

Pancake!

No food, got that?

No food.

Garfield, it's very important that the champ not smell any-.

Garfield.

Garfield, where are you?

Oh no, oh no.

He's not.

These ribs could use a few more minutes.

You can't!

I mean, you mustn't, I mean.

[man weeping]

Garfield, if the champ smells these ribs-.

Do I smell ribs?

Maybe I'll just spare myself some pain and-.

Spare ribs?

I'm doomed, I'm doomed.

I'm totally doomed.

I'm so doomed I can't believe how doomed I...am?

These are the best ribs I've had in years.

Champ, you're not supposed to be eating ribs like that.

You're right.

I need potato salad and beans and coleslaw

and bread and butter and maybe a couple of chickens.

[man gasps]

Look at you.

You both ate like pigs.

You put on all that extra weight.

What do you have to say for yourselves?

[burping]

George is gonna lose the fight and it's your fault Arbuckle!

Let me explain sir.

I can't explain.

I have an idea as usual.

I think my cat has an idea.

I'll try anything at this point.

We've got more barbecuing to do.

[man breathing heavily]

When I get through with that guy tomorrow.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it!

[doorbell rings]

What is it?

We brought you the dinner you ordered sir.

I didn't order no dinner!

I am training.

Is that ribs?

Ribs, potato salad, beans, slaw.

I shouldn't.

Give me those!

Where's the slaw?

Oh there's the slaw.

That good slaw.

[bell rings]

Ladies and gentlemen,

the fight for the heavyweight championship of the world!

In this corner, weighing 200, no,



[crowd booing]

And in this corner, having just had his trunks let out,

weighing who knows, champion George Fisticuff.

[crowd cheers]

Will the fighters come to the center of the ring.

Will the fighter-.

[man snoring] Guys?

Crusher?

[snoring]

George?

[snoring]

George, the fight.

They're both asleep.

What kind of fight is this?

Hey, my ribs always were a knockout.

[upbeat theme music]